Monthly Archives: July 2017

BXTCHES Gotta Warn: Tonight is all about the hometown. We’ve come a long way since May 22 and now our girl has narrowed her choices down to FOUR guys. And don’t you feel like she’s your girl? Granted, this is only my second Bachelorette season, but Jojo left me with a bad taste (though I’m happy for her and Jordan), so I feel like Rachel is the real deal and everyone is rooting for her pull that lever and hit at the right time. Anyway, after watching tonight, this BXTCH is feeling a bit blue. It didn’t go the way we all planned for it to and even though my guy(s) are still standing, tonight’s goodbye hit me right in the feels. So brace yourselves BXTCHES, this one is not gonna be easy.

Last Week On: This was one of the first times that I got a bit frustrated with Rachel. Even though I didn’t think Adam and/or Matt would be standing as long as they did, I don’t think that they got a fair shake. But in the end, who really gives a fuck, because I may not have liked the process, the end result was still the same.

Tonight On: HOMETOWNS!!

First up is Eric. It’s no secret that I am not a fan of this guy and I cannot believe that he is still around. But, it ain’t my bed he’ll be coming home to, so who cares what I think. I feel that I need to give a bit of an Eric re-cap (please note that these facts are from the Meet the Cast post that I wrote back in May, so things may have changed):

• He is 29 years old
• From Baltimore, but now calls Los Angeles home.
• According to his LinkedIn account, his current jobs include: Motivational Speaker, Difference Maker, Personal Trainer, Author, and CEO EBiggs Training. 
• Graduated in 2010 from Hampton University.
• He has a Facebook account, but it shows absolutely no posts, and there are 215 people following him, who I imagine are sitting around checking their phone, anxiously awaiting what sort of uplifting message will start their day and continue to be disappointed. His Twitter account is a bit more impressive with 421 followers and 5000+ tweets, but his account is set to private, so we’ll have to get motivated through another source. Maybe Instagram (3800 followers), but you could turn to visual motivation and check out his YouTube account, he is only sitting at 110 subscribers, so he could use a bit of a boost. 
• He is also a published author

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Eric’s first (and only) one-on-one date with Rachel was during episode six, this is where we also learn about Eric’s inability to love because he never really received the love he was craving from his mother. Now, while he never went into detail about his current relationship with the woman who gave birth to him and apparently that was the only thing she was handing out, the conclusion that I drew from that pathetic conversation was there wasn’t a relationship there. In fact, he wasn’t even sure if the feelings he had towards Rachel at that point were feelings of love, because he just doesn’t recognize that particular emotion. I won’t go into much more past detail, all you need to know is that the boy is full of shit. Tonight will be the first time in his eleven years as an adult that he brings home a woman, which would tell all of us watching from the judgmental comforts of our own homes, that maybe Eric is a bit of a whore and the reason no woman has ever reached that familial front door is because he was too busy kicking them out of his. And because I don’t like him, everything about him makes my lip turn up in disgust. From the way he talks, to the way the kisses, but since he is still standing, then I must find the strength to go on, because from the way things are starting to look, Rachel is feeling something for him. 

Upon her arrival, Eric takes her to play some basketball and this is also where a friend of his shows up to give Eric an emotional hand job, Rachel some kind words regarding her boyfriend. One of the accolades his friend bestows upon him is his intelligence, this is the point where I should refer you to the very first Quote of the Show and you can draw your own conclusions on where it is that Eric’s intelligence lies. When they arrive to meet the family, they are greeted by nine people. The three main members being his dad, his aunt, and his mom. In her confessional, Rachel does say that she felt nothing but love and warmth from his family the minute she walked through the door, so again, I may not like him, but I ain’t the one who’s looking to get penetrated by him either. They do kick off with telling the family how it was that they met (on Nick’s ATFR).

Rachel first speaks with Eric’s aunt and the discussion was really on the pressures of being the first black Bachelorette. When they start talking about marriage and family, his aunt does reassure her that Eric is ready for everything Rachel wants. Eric is busy starting the convo with his mother and it quickly turns to him running away from love and how the relationship with his mom wasn’t easy and she wasn’t there for him the way he needed her to be, but he understands that there is a reason for everything. She counters him by saying that their family has a lot of great men and she wasn’t about to let him be a mama’s boy (I’m paraphrasing) and that was her way of showing him love and grooming him into the man he was destined to be. 

Rachel has herself a pretty good discussion with mama and Eric has an equally good one with his dad. Things move to the dinner table, daddy-o makes a toast that sounds like it could’ve come from one of Eric’s books, then Eric makes a toast that made me throw up a little in my mouth. The date ends like all hometowns tend to, with Eric uttering those all important words, of course he follows it up with telling Rachel what he means when he tells her he loves her and in case you are sitting on the edge waiting. . .it just means that he cares about her a lot. Yeah, this is a motherfucker who is ready for love, go ahead and imagine the proposal. . .I dare ya.

Here’s what I thought about this hometown: This is not a man who doesn’t know love. First, I get the impression that his mom was here for this date, only because she’s his mom. I didn’t get the feeling that she was or has been a permanent fixture in his life. But having said that, the discussion Eric had with his mom certainly leaned toward her mothering skills and him feeling like she didn’t love him enough and her explaining why she did the things she did, interestingly this is not the first time this back and forth has taken place and it appears that all has been forgiven in that world and he even expresses to his mother how he loves her unconditionally. That’s a huge change from just a couple of episodes ago. I can’t respect someone who thinks it’s okay to lie to get you from one place to the next, and he flat out let Rachel believe that he is being held back in his ability to scoop love up, all because of his mom. Well, it seems that those issues were resolved a while ago and if he was a child growing up in a loveless home, he is certainly not experiencing that as an adult, in the same home, with the same family. There were a lot of “I love you’s” being tossed from one person to the next. I don’t know why the lie was ever planted, I’m not sure if it’s because his story looks better when told as a young black man faced with adversity, growing up on the hard streets of Baltimore, who didn’t know the love of a mother, but somehow found the strength to overcome the odds and do something with his life. That sounds like a fucking Lifetime movie and is a much better story than a kid who grew up with a family who maybe didn’t always make the best decisions, but he always had the love and support of those around him. Okay, that could also make a fucking good movie, well at the very least a decent PSA. 

Bryan is up next and in case you are suffering from a bit of amnesia, let me remind you BXTCHES that the reason Bryan’s last relationship failed was because of some MamaDrama, his mama that is. Now, I would love a bit more backstory on this, but it looks like it’ll have to come from the ex, because his lips are sealed tighter than a virgin’s where this story is concerned. But, because of my inquisitive nature and also because it’s not too hard to do a quick Google search, I found a couple of his ex girls. Now, Genavieve Boue and Bryan didn’t date too terribly long, but I don’t think she’s the one in question, because from everything that I read (which wasn’t a whole lot), she is pretty supportive of him doing the show and had nothing but accolades to paint him with. The other ex is the shocker because she was actually on Ben’s season on The Bachelor. Remember Jubilee? Oh yeah, according to some sources (not mine, the ones on the internet), Bryan and Jubilee were a brief item. She even went as far to tweet about his face eating kisses. Apparently she is not a fan. . .either that or she’s jealous. I’m gonna go with the latter. Since I re-capped Eric, it’s only fair to do the same for Bryan:

• 37 years old
• Resides in Florida. . .Miami to be exact.
• He is a chiropractor who graduated from the University of Florida in 2003.
• He has been the Chiropractic Physician/Clinic Director of The Accident and Injury Team since 2009.
• He was accused of insurance fraud in March 2016, all charges were dismissed without prejudice in March 2017.
• Oldest contestant
• Not many posts on Facebook and Instagram account is set to private is no longer active and I couldn’t find anything on Twitter, but I’m sure that will change.

I am pleased to announce that Rachel did greet Bryan in the customary Bachelorette way by throwing herself in his arms and wrapping those legs right around him, but she also gave him a “Hi baby” and he gave her a “bienvenidos a Miami”, and I know where some are with regards to #mamasboy, but I do think that Rachel is feeling it, and I mean that in every way in which it implies. I didn’t want race to be a factor tonight, but Bryan kicks things off by taking her to a dominoes park, cliché much? I had no idea that there was such a thing as a professional domino (or is it dominoes?) player, but that doesn’t hinder the lovebirds from giving it their best shot, they got beat. . .badly. . .but they tried, which is more than I probably would’ve done. I have to literally count the dots and I play a little too slow, I probably bring a great deal of shame to my husbands name, but he’s stuck now. We did get to hear Bryan speak Spanish, so that probably helped soothe the sting of getting the beat down. He shows Rachel the local side of Miami, a lot of the Cuban influences, from the food to the music and dancing, he did a pretty good job in selling the city to her. And it should be noted that they are both wearing the watches that were gifted during the last episode. Bryan does take the time to fill Rachel in on the family and who it is Rachel will meet (mainly mom and dad), this is also where we learn that Bryan is his mother’s only child. #goodluckgirl

There are five people waiting for the couple to arrive. The visit kicks off with a toast from mom, who can’t even make it through saying “the most precious thing that I have in my life”, without tears. And right off the bat, mama has made herself known. Now, this would be a good time for me to poke some fun, but I can’t, because somewhere deep in my soul, I recognize that woman in myself. Lord help my son now, because ain’t no bitch gonna be good enough. 

It’s Bryan and his mom first and she dives right in to why he thinks Rachel is the one. His mom takes the opportunity to remind Bryan that he has been with so many girls and then he goes on a show and falls in love. . .she’s shocked. I think she wanted to say that she doesn’t believe him, but he is her baby boy boo thang and maybe she was trying to be kind. Her face said it all though. I think her disbelief lies in the amount of time or lack of time that it has taken for him to fall in love. Of course she also reminds him that if Rachel doesn’t get along with the mother than “that’s not good”. Rachel’s convo is with some woman with no name? I don’t know if maybe she is a sister with another mom or maybe a cousin, she could be an ex for all we know, ABC should consider doing a better job with these introductions, we BXTCHES really need to know these things. Regardless of who she is, I felt as if she sat with an air of superiority around her, especially since the topic of discussion was his ex and how she integrated herself with his family. Well, I guess she didn’t, which is why she didn’t last, but whoever this chick is, she clearly was given the task of educating Rachel about Bryan’s family, how important the family is, and because of how tight knit the clan is, Rachel should just want to be a part of it. 

When Rachel gets in the hot seat with the mom, the first question asked is what does Rachel see in Bryan that makes him the one and she has her list ready to go. Descriptors such as. . .honest, direct, self-aware, secure, confident, not to mention how good his heart is. . .those are the things that drew her to him. She goes on to say that no other guy has ever treated her the way Bryan has. You would think that every word Rachel utters would be extending a compliment to mom, but the last word I would use in describing her body language at this point, is flattered. I will say that her body was screaming for her to play defense, because she uses this time to basically let Rachel know that “Bryan is my life” and if they make it down the aisle, then Rachel will be marrying into that family. Shout out to our girl for letting mom know that she feels that he would be marrying into her family as well. She (mom) goes onto to explain the difficulties of marriage and how above all else, love is the most important component one must possess. 

In the end, the family approves and Bryan is in love. Now, here are my thoughts. Peter may be at the top of my list, but I’m okay with it being Bryan and Rachel in the end. The only warning sign would be his mom and I don’t necessarily mean that in a negative way. Okay, maybe a tiny bit negative, but here it is. . .Bryan’s mom made it crystal clear that Bryan is the love of her life (way to seal the deal for the husband) and even though they both shared a laugh after the “I will kill you” comment (see Quotes of the Show), no one will be laughing if Rachel breaks his heart and that BXTCH comes through on the promise. But the underlying comment was when she told Rachel that a woman has the power to move the man away from his family and she didn’t have to speak the words for anyone to pick up on the meaning, which was. . .Rachel best not get any ideas about moving Bryan to Texas and away from him mama. He was smart about how he handled the first part of the date. He showed her the local side of Miami and what it is that he loves about the city. Sprinkle in a very close family and the U-Haul is gonna be in Rachel’s future, not Bryan’s. All in all, I think the date went well, she didn’t return the sentiment of love in words, but she planted them on his face.

Fan favorite (well, at least our favorite) Peter is up and let’s hope he comes to win. But, in the spirit of equality, here is the re-cap:

• 31 years old
• Personal Trainer, Model, and volunteer for the Make-A-Wish foundation.
• From Madison, WI (current hometown).
• Attended Madison Area Technical College.
• Owner at Worth Personal Training.
• Personal Instagram account is set to private-however is no longer private, his business Instagram (@worthpersonaltraining) is public as well.

They meet up in Madison and the farmer’s market. During her confession time, Rachel still has concerns over whether or not Peter is ready for his meeting with Neil Lane. We already know that Peter will not adorn her finger with any sort of ring, if he is not ready. The problem? Rachel is ready and she is looking for someone who is at the very least, is in the same place as she is. Keep your fingers crossed for that beautiful man, because for every reason Rachel has for keeping Peter, she has one for sending him home. The day eventually brings them to a local bar, where Peter has arranged for some friends to meet up. Surely I wasn’t the only one who noticed that the two couples who showed up were playing in the interracial dating pool? Maybe it wasn’t done purposely, but good move Peter. There wasn’t a whole lot revealed during this time, I guess at some point during Rachel and Peter’s time, he did confess that 80% of his closest friends are black, that seems like a very strange thing to reveal during a date, regardless of your dates skin color, but it got a chuckle out of Rachel. It was a bit more awkward than it was easy going, but that could be blamed on a first time meeting or the fact that cameras were all up on them. . .but here is where Peter won me over even more. When he gets his two besties alone, he lays it all out. The conversation went something like this. He does have feelings for Rachel, but he does not yet know how those feelings will translate outside the box that is The Bachelorette. What will it feel like in the real world, where he wakes up next to her every day. So while he knows he is feeling something strong for her, is it strong enough to get him to the place where he is asking her to be his forever? His friends do offer some guidance by telling Peter to not get to caught up in the future, stay in the moment, because no one ever really knows what the future holds, but if you have the right person by your side, that is what matters. 

It’s time to meet the family. . .mom (Lynn). . .dad (Gary). . .brother (David). . .sil (Brooke). . .niece and nephew (Charlotte and Hudson). After hugs are given out, it’s time to tell their story, you wonder if the crew has ever had to yell “CUT!”, because the Bachelor/ette began telling the wrong story and got their girl/boyfriends mixed up? 

Rachel gets time with the sister-in-law first and she tells Rachel that Peter is someone who is caring and wears his heart on his sleeve. She does believe that he is ready for the next step, but she also believes that there is something holding him back. That sounds a little contradictory to me, but maybe the in law is just trying to cover every base, I was a bit busy trying to check out the marquee next to the in law, that not only was lit up, but also said something along the lines of “Welcome Rachel”, so I could’ve missed something. 

Peter gets time with his mom, who is sporting a hairstyle that is awfully similar to Kate Gosselin circa 2009, surely someone could’ve helped Lynn out, but I suppose we ain’t tuning in to see to the style she’s rocking, we’re actually interested in the advice she’s about to dole out to her son, so let’s continue. He confides that he’s afraid he’ll miss an opportunity if he still has his walls up when it comes time to propose and instead of his mom telling him what he should do, she offers him her support. . .so Kate Gosselin aside, I may like myself some Lynn. 

Rachel and Lynn sit down for a fireside chat and question #1: “Where do you see four years from now?” Four is an awfully random number, but Rachel doesn’t skip a beat when she tells her that she sees herself married, with more than one kid. She goes onto to talk about her parents and how they have been married for 38 years. But, I wanna go back to the four years. I’m not sure what the actual timeline looks like, but four years is just a mere 48 months. Now I’m not trying to Rachel Green this shit, but assuming that she won’t be walking down the aisle for at least a year, ABC does have a schedule after all and we all know that those nuptials will be aired, and also assuming that she won’t get knocked up until the “I do’s” are exchanged, we are now down to 36 months. Going on to assume the happy couple will need at the bare minimum one year of martial bliss before the egg gets fertilized, we are now down to 24 months and she is wanting more than one kiddo, so allow 18-20 months to cook the little fuckers and the actual time they will be married before the pitter patter of little feet. . .a year and a half at the most. If this was the real world minus cameras and ratings, then maybe that’s doable, but even then, that’s not a lot of time. Add in cameras and ratings and possibly even more reality shows, then I could sense some doom. I hope not, but maybe Rach should rethink those expectations. Back to Lynn, when asked if she thinks Peter is ready for all that Rachel desires, her answer was a bit weird. Yes, he is ready to start a family. Yes, he is ready to have someone in his life to share those things with and yes, he is ready for a commitment, but she doesn’t think he is necessarily ready for the ring and the proposal and the marriage. . .yet. 

Before goodbyes are said, Rachel and Peter pop a squat on the front steps to talk about the day. I feel that Rachel was trying to get him to express himself by using the word ‘love’, but I believe she was being a little backhanded about it, using her hometown with Nick as the game changer in that relationship. Peter had nothing but positive vibes and thoughts regarding the day and after seeing her interact with his friends and family, moved him even more in the direction of asking for her hand, but I think all she can see are the walls he has up, she’s not hearing the message he’s sending out. 

First the bad news. I do think that we are down to a Peter vs. Bryan finale and I think Bryan may have moved ahead tonight, especially after he was able to breath a sigh of relief where his mother was concerned. While I don’t think Peter is too far behind, I also don’t think either one of them (Rachel or Peter) are fighting for the relationship in a way that would reassure me that Peter is gonna be the last man standing in the end. Here’s what I’m trying to say. . .I’m sure Rachel’s discussion with Lynn didn’t fill her with the warm fuzzies she was hoping for, but I’m confused on why she just didn’t sit with Peter and discuss it. In the real world, any talk about marriage six or so weeks into a relationship, would be grounds to Usain Bolt your ass out of there, but this isn’t the real word, both parties willingly agreed to participate on a show where the end result is an engagement, so why not talk about the elephant. Why didn’t Peter tell Rachel the same concerns he shared with his friends. He could’ve easily put her mind at ease by telling her that he needs to know what her morning breath smells like or maybe he needs to see drunk Rachel come out and play or maybe he just needs to see what her clothes look like in his closet BEFORE he can be sure that their union is a forever union. I can’t for the life of me figure out why Rachel is so bothered by these walls. If you aren’t comfortable enough to sit and have the difficult discussions, then forget about fucking marriage. I have always proclaimed that love is easy. It’s easy to cuddle up to your person while whispering how much you love them and it’s fun to make out with them, hoping that it leads to the really good stuff. . .love is the easy part of marriage. The hard part? The ‘despite the fact’ part. For example, as I type these words, my husband is laying next to me, snoring like a goddamn freight train, so I love my husband although I would really like to shove him out of the bed and listen to his body hit the ground, just to stop the snoring. Another example? I still want to fuck my husband on the regular despite the fact that I have trained him over and over again on the proper way to hang up clothes, but since he refuses to take notes, still can’t get it quite right. And this goes both ways, my husband has nothing but adoration for me, even though I become a raging bitch once a month, sometimes more and I can’t even blame biology. And trust a BXTCH, there are times when I look in the mirror and even shock myself, but I know despite the fact that I may look like I could star on an episode of The Real Housewives of the Trailer Park, my husband has nothing but hunger when he sees me. I’m gonna have to stop the ‘despite the facts’ here, because I could write a book. So, I can’t blame Peter for wanting to make sure that the connection with Rachel is still electric long after the ‘Peter and Rachel: Stars of The Bachelorette’ chapter ends and they see how well they can actually dodge the balls being thrown at them in the wonderful game of Dodgeball that some of us call life. 

I’m gonna focus more of my time on Dean and Rachel with what I actually thought, but first things first here is your re-cap:

• 26 years old
• Recruiter for a tech recruiting company in Los Angeles (where he resides).
• Attended the University of Colorado.
• When asked “What does being married mean to you?” His answer: “I think marriage is an institutionalized sham derived from religious beliefs. That said, when I get married, it’s a life-long commitment.”
• He has a pretty decent Instagram following (close to 3000) and with a name like deanie_babies, would you expect anything less? His current Twitter account only has 69 followers and just one tweet, so clearly deanie_babies is his bread and butter.
• He also met Rachel on Nick’s ATFR and you’ll remember him because he is the one who told Rachel “I’m ready to go black and I’m never gonna go back.” So, definitely looking forward to this gem.

Remember, last week during his one-on-one with Rachel, Dean came clean about his apprehension where meeting his family was concerned. Rachel did put his mind at ease and we are now to the part where the meet and greet is inevitable. The date kicks off with Dean and Rachel riding some ATV’s. This alone is one of the reasons I think Rachel is drawn to Dean, he has a very natural ability to have fun, which most likely brings some spontaneity to what is probably a very stressful life for Rachel. Talk quickly turns to Dean’s family and who it is that Rachel will be meeting. Both of his bothers (Brad and Ross) will be there, along with his sister (Skye), his brother’s girlfriend (Ashley) will also be in attendance. His dad has converted to kundalini yoga and all in which that implies. He now goes by his self given name, Parumrup, which means ‘divinely beautiful’. He has remarried and the step mom is Santantar. Now, from what Dean confesses to Rachel, most of this conversion took place only six years ago and if everyone shows up, it will be the first time they have all been under the same roof in eight years. He hasn’t spoken with his father in two years and has only met his step-mom twice, to say that the discomfort was displayed in every one of Dean’s mannerisms would be an understatement, he was looking forward to this about as much as one would look forward to having a steel rod shoved into their dick hole. Given the way in which Rachel was raised, I think she is having a hard time understanding why it is that Dean has gone so long without speaking to his father, so she throws that question out there, which has Dean responding with “Is it my responsibility to talk to my dad? Like, is it my responsibility to reach out to him and make sure there is a relationship there?” He admits to not really trying to make the effort, but really placing the blame on the elder. 

Up to this point, it’s been the men reassuring a very nervous Rachel that things are going to be fine (where meeting the family is concerned), this date it was the other way around. Rachel is doing what she can to calm Dean down. They arrive to the family sitting in a semi-circle on the floor and when his dad says “We were waiting on King Dean to show up.”, that gave me every insight I needed where his dad was concerned. It’s quite obvious that Dean lives a very different life from the simplistic one his dad lives and from that comment, it seems that Parumrup doesn’t think too highly of Dean’s lifestyle. The gong gets played and while it made Dean very uncomfortable, Rachel seemed to be relaxed by it. When Parumrup presented Dean and Rachel with feathers, that were a symbolic representation of Dean’s mom, you could sense the love the entire family had for her and even the yogi shed some tears. That was one of the few shining moments of this date.

This whole hometown quickly morphs into some weird ass therapy session. Dean goes with his father and Rachel goes with Dean’s sister. Rachel brings up the subject of Dean and dad and how she knows it’s been a while since they have talked. I’m not sure what anyone was trying to get from digging, but all that happened was the can got opened and worms began to crawl. You didn’t need Dr. Phil to come to the conclusion that this family (especially the kiddos) have not dealt with the grief that the passing of their mother brought and it’s been ten years. As soon as Skye even dips her toe into that pool, the tears start. She does go on to tell Rachel about how Dean has been through so much and how strong he is and how much she admires him. Solely based on the very small snippet of convo that ABC aired, this family needs to have some grief counseling, ten years ago. The talk with dad started with him criticizing Dean in a very underhanded way. Dean looks about as interested in having this conversation as one would be in talking about how many ex-lovers they have had. His dad takes all the credit for how well Dean has turned out, which prompted Dean to ask whether or not Parumrup feels that he is still fulfilling his role as a father, which leads into talks of the past. I think that Dean was really doing a great job in getting his anger off his chest, but his dad just rebuffed every gripe he had. Dean wanted his dad to get angry, he wanted to both discuss how his mom passing made him feel, while hearing how it made his dad feel. His dad does open up some, but I think it came at a cost because when Dean tells his dad that he felt abandoned, Parumrup ends the discussion. When Dean tells his dad that he loves him, regardless. . .all he got in return is a “Well, whatever.”

Parumrup runs into Rachel outside, and when she requests to talk over by the fire, he’s done. She does thank him for his hospitality and when he goes on to say what he needs to, it was almost as if he forgot about the cameras and once he realizes that they are capturing every word, he shuts down. He had kind words for Rachel, but in the end, he needed to be done with all things ABC and The Bachelorette.

When Rachel finds Dean, he does tell her that he is falling in love with her and SPOILER ALERT. . .she tells him the same.

I’m actually gonna share my thoughts on Dean’s hometown in my Final Thoughts.

Tonight’s heartbreak will be coming to us from Dallas, Texas. . .way to give a BXTCH a heads up ABC. . .and Chris Harrison finally makes an appearance. It’s quite obvious that each Rose Ceremony is more difficult than the last, so it stands to reason that tonight may actually split Rachel’s heart in two. When all is said and done, here is the order in which the roses were handed out:

Bryan, 37

Eric, 29

Peter, 31

Leaving Dean and the rest of us with any sort of a pulse, left to wonder that if in the end, his family did him in.

“So for me, I think this is the most important step I’m ever took in my life.” -Eric

“. . .and Miami just screams Bryan. It’s hot, it’s steamy, there’s something sexy about it. Sometimes it speaks to you in Spanish. I mean, this is Bryan.” -Rachel

“Bryan’s my life. He’s my love. He’s my pride.” -Bryan’s mom

“If he’s happy, I’m happy. If not, I will kill you.” -Bryan’s mom

“I am letting myself feel all the feels, and it feels good.” -Rachel

As someone who has been married for 18 years (shout out to my BOO!), I feel that I am more than qualified to offer Rachel some advice. Now, her parents have been joined together in holy matrimony for 38 years, surely they have some words of wisdom of their own. . .but I have the blog, so my rules. While I understand Rachel’s trepidation about Peter and where he stands at the moment, I am reading from a totally different book. If anything, this would make me even more sure about Peter being the one. I can’t judge one for how quickly or not quickly they fall in love or at the very least declare it, but to punish someone that you are clearly starting to fall in love with, all because he may not be ready at the end to drop down to one knee, kinda makes you look selfish. I get that you are not looking to end this process with just a ‘boyfriend’, but isn’t it better to be sure before you make that walk? Lots of talk about pressure, pressure on being the first African-American lead on this franchise, pressure from both sides of the road. . .if this ends in a break-up, then not only are you just another reality t.v. statistic, but now the chances of another lead of color taking the reins are slim, and while that burden shouldn’t fall at your doorstep, it has. Thirteen seasons of The Bachelorette and five couples are still together, that’s about a 38% success rate, so the odds are most certainly in your favor. . .but why rush it. You’re not buying a car, you’re buying your forever. . .take a moment and savor, trust in your gut, and believe in love. . .BUT. . .if Peter wasn’t quick enough in putting the words out there, I think I can speak on behalf of BachelorNation with certainty when I say. . .we’re gonna need Peter to be the next Bachelor.

Two of our guys tonight outfitted themselves in pants that gathered at the ankle. Is this a new thing? Or am I just out of touch? We did have an entire conversation about booties on Gucci belts and smacking yourself with some Chanel, so I sometimes like to think I’m good to go with what’s current, but I can fucking guarantee you that if my husband came home in a pair of pants that not only showed off the socks (or lack thereof) that he is sporting, but will also leave an indention in your skin, then my lady boner is gone and it’s not coming back for a while. I think Bryan is sexy as fuck, but even him in those pants couldn’t give me an erection. Oh and it was Bryan and Dean who miscalculated the sexiness of pants that scrunch up around the ankle.

Hometown dates are supposed to feel good. They’re supposed to invoke a sense of pride in the one bringing you home. They get the opportunity to show you around town and plan a date for once, while you get the chance to see them in their element, in a place where comfort and love is pouring from them. Dean’s hometown took every one of those qualities and did the exact opposite. ABC and Rachel knew last week how uncomfortable Dean was with the idea of introducing her to his family. Not only that, but they were also made aware of how long it had been since Dean has spoken with his family, his father in particular, and the reasons why. So, why make Dean go through with it? Why couldn’t Dean use the hometown as a way to introduce Rachel to his city and friends, those he picked to be his family? The only thing Rachel and ABC did tonight, was make sure that the next in line for Dean’s heart will not even get to knock on his dad’s door. Watching it all unfold the way it did, broke my heart. It should be said that when Eric and Bryan both confessed their love for Rachel, she did not say it back, but she did with Dean. While she was left to wonder if the reason behind Dean’s proclamation was triggered by the events that unfolded with his family, I can’t help but wonder if her sentiment was uttered as a way to comfort Dean. I didn’t think Dean would be the one in the end, but once he made it painfully clear how much he was hesitating over the hometown, I didn’t think she would send him packing after. Shame on ABC and Rachel, for going after ratings and some twisted hope of a breakthrough and not giving one fuck over the feelings that got trampled in the process. 

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