The Bachelor 2018 | Episode Six Re-Cap | 02.05.18

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The Bachelor Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.comLast Week On: We got to witness Arie make out with a bowling ball, which I’m sure shriveled up all of our lady bits. . .Krystal is still the solo passenger on the Crazy Train to nowhere. . .Tia confessed her love and Chelsea gave him a lap dance, so all around the week went good for Arie. It wasn’t all fun and games though, we still got to witness the dreams of Ashley, Maquel, and Marikh die a slow and painful death.

Tonight On: (2) one-on-one dates, (1) group date, and (1) two-on-one date.

Well, our spit swapping love fest has made it to Paris, so I’m sure a lot more “I love you’s” are gonna be handed out. Me personally, I would be pissed if I had my one-on-0ne in LA or Ft. Lauderdale, when I could’ve gotten my time in Paris. Chris shows up to tell the ladies that there will be four dates this week, one of which will be a two-on-one. Krystal for some reason knows that she will be part of that dreaded date, because I’ve had a target on my back since my one-on-one. Now, I’m not sure if she understands how targets work, but usually they’re put there by someone who doesn’t care too much for you. If it’s Arie who’s picking these dates, then why would she automatically assume that her and her target are gonna be put in the line of fire? Regardless, the date card has been dropped and up first is. . .Lauren.

One-on-One Date #1: Lauren Tomber amoureux à Paris-Arie | Fall in love in Paris is what Arie is throwing to Lauren and soon after the card is read, Arie shows up to whisk her away for a boat ride down the Seine. But first, let’s learn a little about Lauren. She is 26 years old and graduated from Old Dominion University back in 2015 with a degree in psychology. She resides in Dallas and works as a sales executive for Vonage Business. There’s nothing too juicy to report, except she was engaged to NHL player Chris Crane and they were set to tie the knot back in July 2017, but called off their engagement in December 2016. The one thing that really gives me pause about Lauren is her eagerness to walk down the aisle. I have no idea what brought about the end of her previous engagement, I’m not gonna try to dig that deep, BUT, if my math skills are somewhat accurate, she had just turned 25 when the engagement was called off. So, either she is really hard up for a husband or The Last Lauren Standing is really just hoping to get another career kicked off by being on the show. I think we need to face some facts, if it’s love she is looking for, I could go to many parts of Dallas right now and round up a football team of men that are not only better looking than Arie, but are just better period. So one has to wonder what is it that she is after.

The boat ride seemed to kick things off well, but the walk through the streets is screaming AWKWARD. JFC, you’re not walking through Six Flags, you’re in Paris for crying out loud. If you can’t find anything personal to talk about, talk about Paris, which Arie is trying to do, Lauren just isn’t offering any feedback. Maybe she should get her dating down pat before she tries to land herself a husband. I’m not sure on the direction their conversation is trying to go, because they do sit down and make an attempt at small talk. Lauren asks him about last week, he starts trying to clue in on whether or not she likes him because he’s really interested in her (which he tells her), but as much as he’s dropping the bait, she is not biting. Hopefully nighttime in Paris will have her eating up the romance and allow Arie to see another side to her, one he can’t resist, because if it’s anything like the day date, she could be going home. 

You already know uncomfortable is probably going to be the name of the game when they walk into a Parisian restaurant and use the word ‘cute’ to describe it. Things kind of get going when she confides in him that she has trust issues and that she will usually friend zone a guy for around six months before she starts to trust him. This leads him to tell her about his most serious relationship which ended in a miscarriage and her leaving him. This of course leads Lauren to tell him about her engagement. But before that she tells him that her trust issues come from her parents and their marriage. Now, they’ve been married for 30 years, but she says it’s not a perfect marriage, but whose is? Anyway, from what I got out of her tiny confession was maybe her parents put her in the middle of their disagreements and that’s why her trust issues built up, I’m not entirely sure I’m translating that correctly, she’s closed tighter than a. . .well, I’m sure you get the point. She did say that she shut herself off even more when her ex-fiance didn’t treat her right. So, now the burden of all of this baggage sits on Arie’s lap. At the beginning of this date, while he was having his chance with the camera, he talked about how beautiful Lauren is, but he needed to see if there was anything beyond the beauty and hopefully this date will lead him there. There was nothing electric about their walk through Paris. . .no real conversation. . .no making out. . .nothing for hope to grab onto, which I’m sure is a first for that city. The dinner conversation did evolve a bit, but I’m not sure it moved enough in the right direction for him to give her false hope. He gives her the rose, which I’m good with, but he does this by throwing her on top of a pedestal, one that you would probably find in an art museum there. I think his objective would’ve been better served if he could have told her that he’s glad she opened up a bit, but he’s giving her the rose because he can’t wait to find out more about her. I think he is blinded by beauty and that is more important to him than making sure the emotional and intellectual connection is there and if he eventually sends her home, she is going to be very confused and there will be no hope for the next man in her life because whatever trust issues she is currently working through, will grow and cloud any sort future she could have in love. 

Meanwhile back on the boat: The ladies are all sitting around waiting for the next date card and trying to figure out which order the dates will fall. A group date card arrives and the only names missing are Kendall, Jacqueline, and Krystal. Which means two of them will be going head to head

Group Date: Tia, Jenna, Becca, Bekah, Chelsea, Seinne Let’s get all dressed up.-Arie | I’m guessing they didn’t learn enough from the last date where costumes were involved and comfort zones were demolished, because they’re taking this to the Moulin Rouge. After Jenna’s little dance in the bowling alley, it’s not a surprise to see that she is super excited. Actually, overall excitement is what most are feeling. We do learn that Seinne can dance and Tia cannot. They get fitted for their costumes and we find Arie in another fucking cape, does he really think the Kissing Bandit is a real thing? Now the ladies are doing it up in their costumes, which to say that they are extravagant would be an understatement. At this point I can say that I have no idea what is happening. They find out that whoever gets the rose, will get to dance on stage with Arie. In the meantime, the ladies are doing some sort of a Moulin Rouge fashion show? I question it, because I have no idea, asses are getting blacked out, so thongs are definitely involved and Arie is being treated to some eye candy. The cocktail party is taking place in a VIP room within the Moulin Rouge and he lets them know straight from go that his decision on the rose is going to be based on their connection and not how well they “performed”, which should allow Tia to breathe a sigh of relief and she happens to be the one up first. The chemistry from their one-on-one is just pouring over to their conversation tonight. Bekah is next and there is something very refreshing about her while at the same time headachingly annoying. I can’t really put my finger on it. Maybe I just can’t tell if she is really genuine. I don’t know, I do get the feeling that Arie is starting to put some serious thought in whether or not things could progress beyond the physical with her. Once each girl gets her chance at selling her story and why she should be the one, Arie decides to gift the rose to Bekah, which not only shocked the girls, but this BXTCH was left a bit reeling as well. Now we have to watch the dance and to describe it as painful would be a compliment, but when I continue to say that someone on the production crew hates Arie, I am not saying it as a joke. They have this motherfucker come out in his suit donned with a cape and top hat, while lip synching to a song in French. This was a performance I could see on the stage in Branson, but this is the goddamn Moulin Rouge. . .once again leave it to the Americans to butcher the French. 

Two-On-One: Kendall and Krystal. Two women, one rose. One stays, one goes. We’ll always have Paris -Arie | Krystal is the lucky one who reads the date card and she is almost tickled pink when she discovers that it’s gonna be her going head to head against Kendall. Going into the date, Krystal is full of confidence and Kendall is full of doubt. Both talk about how prepared Krystal is, which confuses me, because for the love of every 80’s rom-com ever made, what life skills have been acquired to help you prepare for this? Pressure, I understand. . .preparation, I do not. The date kicks off at a chateau and what better place to tell someone you’re not made to be my wife then in the French countryside? They enter a maze and the ladies have to find Arie, I know, it was as corny as it sounds. I’m not sure why anyone would put someone as crazy as Krystal in a maze, but she does find him first and no one was bloodied, so good times. Krystal is up first. 

It seems that the sole incident that has Krystal on this date is what happened at the bowling alley. Back on episode three, Arie told Krystal that she could come and grab him if she ever felt lost and he seems a bit shook that she didn’t take advantage of that. For once, I agree. None of the ladies (especially Krystal) hesitate to interrupt when he’s feeling someone else up, but she couldn’t pull him aside in the bowling alley and discuss her hurt feelings? If he’s wanting a relationship built on good communication skills, then Krystal may not be the one. She is selling the incident as a bump in the road that they needed to encounter as a test to their forever. She apologizes and starts to talk about color and texture and depth and it is then I realize what she meant when she said she prepared, because those analogies (is that the right word?) aren’t ones that just come to ones mind in the middle of a discussion, there is a journal somewhere with this whole convo in it and Mrs. Arie Luyendyk, Jr. doodled on the front. He says he felt her sincerity, I think he was getting it confused with his dick, because whatever she prepared worked, he even stuck his tongue in her mouth for good measure. It may all be for nothing, because as soon as the kissing is over, Krystal throws Kendall under the same bus she threw Arie under. She takes it upon herself to tell Arie that Kendall has never been in love and is not really in a position ready for marriage. Good Lord, someone needs to make a voodoo doll of Krystal and use it in the most creative ways imaginable. 

The buses are causing a lot of carnage, Arie wasted no time filling Kendall in on what Krystal had to say about her. Which, let’s stop for just a minute. Couldn’t he have just asked her where her head was at concerning marriage? Did he have to say “Krystal said”? All that conveys is that he can’t be trusted when someone comes to him in confidence. But trust a BXTCH, Kendall handled herself like a woman. She then took that confidence to her confrontation with Krystal and then things got weird. It turned into a daytime talk show moment and Kendall was able to leave Krystal saying I don’t have words so there was some winning. Arie decides that the decision is just too difficult to make at that moment and tells the ladies that they will meet up again at dinner.  This is becoming way more dramatic then it needs to be. 

Since Kendall left Krystal without words earlier, she seemed to find them on her way to dinner. Unfortunately, Krystal doesn’t even compare to Kendall where intellect is concerned. Krystal says words just to hear herself talk and Kendall actually offers substance in her thoughts and thinks before she speaks. And both prove just that when Arie sits down at the table. For real. . .voodoo doll. . . Marie Laveau. . .someone make it happen. He only pulls Kendall aside and we weren’t worthy enough to pry into that conversation, but she does come back sans lipstick, so it’s safe to assume that things went well. Before we know what’s happening, Arie is at the table giving the speech meant to soften the blow. In the end, Kendall wins out and it’s time to say goodbye to Crazy. And if it wasn’t bad enough that she was left without her husband, he didn’t even walk her out. Damn, she may need a glass of water to get that crow down. While Krystal cried, Kendall made out with Arie atop of the Eiffel Tower. #relationshipgoals (not with Arie) And let me add, the Women Tell All is gonna be epic!

One-On-One #2: Jacquline | I feel like this is a one-on-one for me and Jacqueline as well, because I’m not 100% sold on her just yet. Though, I should be, she does stand out from the majority of the girls left and that alone should entice me, but I’m here to give her a shot, so let’s get this date going. The car breaks down immediately, so let’s hope it’s not a sign. I thought he was really gonna put his mancard out there and make her toes curl by fixing the car, but a taxi it is and the first stop is some shopping and a new dress for Jacqueline. We are once again at the part of the date where concerns and life stories get told. Her worry is she is just an experiment for Arie. She is basing that on not yet receiving a group date rose or a one-on-one date. I understand the group date rose, but I would rather be in Paris when I get picked for a one-on-one than in Lake Tahoe, you need to take your blessings girl. He tells her that his concern was her intelligence. What the fuck? Well, he thought she was just too smart for him. That’s a true statement and one that she should probably consider. Despite that, their discussion is very promising, in a laying it all out there way. She wants to get her PhD and that’s six years of school and he doesn’t want to hold anyone back from their dreams. There are a lot of what-if’s in the air, but in the end he must see something in her and she sees something in him, because he gives it and she accepts. 

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Once again, he’s drying out the livers and going without a cocktail party. There are five girls still seeking those beautiful red petals and only three to give out. Lauren, Bekah, Kendall, and Jacqueline are all safe, which means that when this show picks up next week, only seven will remain. 

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Bekah M., 22, Nanny

Lauren B., 25-Tech Sales

Kendall, 26-Creative Director

Jacquline, 26-Reasearch Coordinator

Tia, 26-Physical Therapist

Seinne, 27-Commercial Real Estate Manager

Becca K., 27-Publicist

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Chelsea, 29-Real Estate Executive Assistant

Jenna, 28-Social Media Manager

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“I’m not interested in having a three-way, like, I’m there to talk with Arie and that’s it, so. . .game on.” -Krystal

“Is a french kiss in France just a kiss?” -Arie

“How boring are the other relationships compared to mine and Arie’s? I mean, really. Baby, I’m wife material. Yes. Fun wife material. -Krystal

“I think maybe some girls in the house will be shocked if Krystal comes home from the two-on-one, but I don’t know how shocked I would actually be. No one thought Trump was going to win the election either and looky here we are.” -Bekah

“I think when I got the date card it felt like I was given a pony for Christmas. But it’s also like, if you don’t learn to ride this pony correctly by the end of the day, it’ll be shot.” -Jacqueline

I was actually shocked at who he chose to go home. Jenna not so much. In fact, I’m starting to think that some of these girls are really just upset over the lost adventure rather than losing the chance at love. Jenna only had group dates. There’s not even a one night stand involved, I don’t get the pain and tears. If I meet up with a group of people every weekend for a couple of months and even though I may feel a connection to one of them, my life isn’t over if he were to tell me there is no future. I would maybe be upset, but really it would be his loss. I was more surprised with Chelsea going home. I actually thought it would be Seinne. His connection with Chelsea was on fire last week and even though his connection with Seinne is good, I just thought it was better with Chelsea. 

I’m offering up another great idea to those over at The Bachelor and this may be one you want to look into. Remember how giddy you would get in the beginning stages of a relationship, when he would call and hours would be spent getting to know the other over the phone? I think after a one-on-one, the Bachelor/ette should call. Maybe not the same night, but the next day. You could even gift a phone call to whoever gets the group date rose. It would not only bring about a bit of normalcy to the craziness that is this show, but it would give an opportunity to really get to know one another in a way that just can’t be done with a camera in the face. 

Let’s discuss the Moulin Rouge date for a bit. Shame on whoever came up with that idea, do you know women at all? Even though Arie may have said that the performances would have no bearing whatsoever on his rose decision, but c’mon, do we really believe that after seeing 22 year old Bekah in her teeny tiny costume he didn’t use another body part to make that decision? My problem with the date is not that he chose Bekah, my problem is that the ladies were made to put themselves in costumes that he hadn’t really earned the right to see them in yet. Not to mention, it was clearly uncomfortable for some of them and nothing is worse than having to display every insecurity you have about yourself for not only your love interest to see, but for his love interests to see as well. Then him picking Bekah just brought all those insecurities right up to the surface.

I need to know how ABC continues to find so many contestants with trust issues and why someone who has trust issues makes the decision to go on a show where having trust is a main component to success. Have I mentioned the word trust enough? I like Lauren, however, I think she’s about as interesting as watching paint dry, which has nothing to do with what I’m trying to say, just thought it needed to be said. When the conversation kicks off at “dinner” and she starts with how her parents have been married for 30 years, I didn’t really understand where her point was trying to go. When she continued with how their marriage isn’t perfect and some of her issues stem from her being put in the middle of things, I was even more confused. First, for her to even think that there is a perfect marriage somewhere is just plain ole’ naive. Even Disney doesn’t paint that picture. Now, if her parents are in a loveless marriage, then that’s a different canvas she could’ve painted her picture on, but my impression was that maybe they argue a lot, but the truth is, I’m still confused. I get the ex-fiance issue, but I just don’t see it as a hang up. Her being able to cancel the engagement and leave the asshole, should’ve given her strength to forge ahead, not use it as a weakness to hold her back. And are we still doing the “he hurt me, which means the next guy will as well” game? Jeez, that’s such a cliché. Which is why I call bullshit. I’ve said it before, but anyone who has trust issues to the point of having to friend zone a guy for six months before letting them in, isn’t someone who would willingly turn to T.V. for their ever after. Just take Ben and Lauren, she knew what she was getting into and even though she was the one picked in the end, she just couldn’t get over the fact that he told Jojo he loved her as well. That was the reason for the breakup, not that he went to a fantasy suite with two other women, where he most likely got to know them a helluva lot better. Nope, she just couldn’t get over the fact that he fell in love with her and Jojo. So do we really believe that anyone with enough emotional baggage to fill the trunk of a small car will be able to handle being picked in the end while having to watch him declare his feelings for other women? 

As much as I was ecstatic to see Krystal left alone in Paris, the two-on-one has got to go. I feel like it goes against everything the sisterhood is supposed to be about. Well, this show probably does that as well, it’s just that this particular date is meant for the two chosen to smear one another by any means necessary just to be given a rose. I don’t know the stats, but I’m curious to know if any person that has gone on a two-on-one has been the last one standing in the end. Think about it, you’re chosen to go on a date where someone is meant to go home, someone is going to be deemed not good enough, which means when the Bachelor/ette picks the two people, they are aware of that. So how close could their relationship be with either? The truth, I think Kendall handled herself like a champ on this date, far better than I would’ve done, but why does it ever have to get to the point where backs are falling onto knives? We’re already judging these contestants a tiny bit for using this avenue to find a spouse, why humiliate them more by having them left stranded alone on a island or in the middle of a swamp or in some Parisian restaurant. If a two-on-one is necessary, then why not do the exact same date, just separate. One gets the sun and one gets the moon and in the end only one will get the rose. 

The Bachelor airs on ABC Mondays. . .7pm CENTRAL/8pm EASTERN

 

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The Bachelor 2018 | Episode Five Re-Cap | 01.29.18

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The Bachelor Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.comLast Week On: It seems that week after week, the one descriptor I have for the episode is “hot mess”, well last week was not a whole lot different. . .the crazy was seeping from Krystal’s pores. . .the girls almost drank their own urine, all in the name of love. . .Bekah finally revealed her age. . .and we learned that nothing will piss off a bunch of horny women quicker than someone cutting off their liquor source and Arie did just that when he decided to cancel the cocktail party. 

Tonight On: (1) group date and (2) one-on-one dates

The love fest has moved on to Fort Lauderdale, which really sucks for Caroline, who went home last week, because that is her hometown, but the show must go on. If it wasn’t cheesy enough with Arie cruising down the road with the top down, ABC decided to take it up a notch when they had the girls voyaging down the boardwalk on bicycles. I’m gonna go ahead and save the powers that be some time and say, ain’t nobody got time for that shit. Use the screen time for some good stuff, surely we haven’t seen the best that Krystal has to give. Once the girls have settled in, and by that I mean the obligatory jumping on the bed, freaking out over the view, sitting in a bathtub fully clothed together, you know, the norm. . .once that is out of the way, they sit and wait for their one and only to show up and when he does, it’s Chelsea who gets swept away. 

One-On-One #1: Chelsea | Chelsea says that she is excited for Arie to get to know her as Chelsea and not just the mom that he knows her to be. Say what? Wasn’t she the very first one on the very first night to stick her tongue in his mouth? And wasn’t she the one who interrupted Annaliese’s time on a group date just so she could “steal a kiss”? Isn’t she also the one who encouraged Annaliese in that very same episode to go for it with Arie after Arie already told her no. Which of those scenarios scream “MOM!”? The only way anyone even knows that she is a mom is because the words have come out of her mouth, not because every time she’s with Arie, she whips out the tissue to capture his boogies. The date kicks off on a yacht and a toast to “getting to know each other better”

Meanwhile at the hotel: Lauren, Marikh, Seinne, and Ashley are discussing how surprised they are that Chelsea was the chosen one. Actually, Seinne was shocked, Lauren was just flat out disappointed that she’s not the one hanging with Arie. But this is also the time that Maquel returns, which made a BXTCH smile. My only question is whether or not she had access to research Arie while she was away? 

Once again we find those who were left behind leering and this time their weapon of choice is a telescope. It’s Maquel, Lauren, and Marikh who decide to put their inner peeping tom skills to work by not only spying on Arie and Chelsea while they have their Titanic moment on the yacht, but also when they take out the jet skis and Chelsea decides to straddle Arie like they’re in a strip club and her electric bill is due. But that particular make out move works because the ladies quickly abandon their post and head back inside their hotel room. 

A Car Museum is the location for the evening side of their date and once again we’re starting with a toast. I’d like to point out that both toasts of this date have been made by Chelsea. . .just saying, Arie is not equaling Alpha. He does say (in his confessional) he recognizes that he needs to treat Chelsea “delicately” because she is a single mom. WTF!? I’m not sure what that means or if he even knows what it means, but please point out where in the date or any time up to this point that her being a mom has affected the way he has treated her, because I’m quite certain that the last thing popping up while she has her body pressed against his and her tongue lodged in his mouth, is her single mom status. Conversation quickly turns to Chelsea’s past and her baby daddy. Let’s chat here for a bit. A quick review, baby daddy is Mike Wilson, he cheated on Chelsea with his now current wife, which was the catalyst for their breakup. We did learn tonight that the two ended things when the kiddo was six months old, which almost brought a tear to Arie’s eyes. Here’s where things get interesting. I don’t like to read spoilers, so that tends to dampen my research a bit, but rumor has it that Chelsea was dating Julian Edelman right before she was cast on the show. In case you are not aware, Julian Edelman is a wide receiver for the NE Patriots and if you’re gonna play a game of This or That between Julian and Arie, the answer will forever and always be This. I have not been able to find one piece of evidence that supports this claim, if you Google Julian Edelman and Chelsea Roy, nada, there is nothing on her Instagram that would give life to this claim either, but the rumor is out there, I’m just curious to where it started. It’s also being tossed around that the only reason Chelsea is on the show is to advance her modeling career. That rumor may be a bit more believable. It makes more since for her to leave her son behind in an effort to make a better life, more so than to just find love. If you remember way back in the very first episode, Chelsea said that she was looking for a man to show her son what it is like to be a father, which in BXTCH translation means that the dad is not an active part of her son’s life. . .but he is. In fact, the son is currently with his father while Chelsea is on the show and the anger between these two must run hella deep because the dad went back to court to stop his child support payments while she is on the show, so there is really a lot going on in her life, and not all of it positive. Back to the date. I got the feeling as soon as she started going into her past, that she scripted what she had planned to say. It almost seemed rehearsed. She covers the basics and I couldn’t tell if she was trying to fight back tears or force them. During her monologue, she implies that her ex (baby daddy) had money and since she was so young and he was older, he was able to mold her into what he wanted and when things ended she was left with nothing but her belongings that were put into trash bags. She is saying all of this to a man who is older, whose net worth is in the millions and who also just enjoyed a date with her on a yacht. . .sound familiar? She does recover quickly when she tells him that the date could’ve been in a park and it would’ve been equally as fantastic. Arie found the date just as amazing, which he tells her so as he hands over the date rose. Once again, we get a great solo performance and tonight featured Tenille Arts and as strange as it is for the couple to be the only one dancing in the room, it’s a lot less awkward than them dancing at a concert surrounded by hundreds of people. Oh and apparently this date has proven to Chelsea that love is possible. . .there is no way that she dated Julian Edelman. 

Group Date: Maquel, Krystal, Bekah, Becca, Jenna, Sienne, Kendall, Ashley, Marikh, Jacqueline, Lauren “There’s not a moment to spare.” -Arie | He’s taking the girls bowling and after the embarrassing performance by Arie at the beginning of the date, I now know that someone over at ABC hates Arie and lobbied for him to be named the next Bachelor for the sole purpose of humiliating him. And trust a BXTCH, the goal has been accomplished. That is the only explanation for what went down between Arie, the bowling alley, and that very unfortunate bowling ball, which after tonight, can now tweet out #metoo. The great thing about this date is we get Krystal and she almost immediately goes into performance mode when she tells the cameras how some girls are desperate in fighting for his attention, but that’s just not who she is. This would be a good time to remind our resident whackadoodle that she is literally on a show whose title could be interchanged with the word Desperate, but that’s none of my business. The date will be a competition, with the losing team going back to the hotel and the winning team getting Arie. . .man, that’s a hard choice to have to make. It’s the Pin-Ups vs. the Spare Roses. . .I’m telling y’all, someone who works on this show, hates this show. I have no idea what it is that Jenna does prior to the competition taking off, but I’m quite certain that too much beer is involved and I’m also pretty sure that during her teen years, either Bring It On or Striptease was her favorite movie and she spent many an afternoon in front of a mirror channeling her inner cheer/strip BXTCH. Somewhere her mother just wondered where it is that she went wrong. Krystal takes a moment to offer up a prayer and for her dogs to be their angels. I’m not sure how the teams were split up, but it’s clear that the talent was not spread out. . .the Spare Roses (Jenna, Becca, Krystal, Jacquline, Maquel) take the win, which should mean that the Pin-Ups (Bekah, Marikh, Lauren, Seinne, Ashley) are headed back to the hotel to wallow in the wine glasses filled with their tears, but Arie is feeling a bit guilty and instead chooses for all the girls to head to the party. And because of his graciousness, some shit is about to fly.

We were forced to watch Arie make out with a bowling ball, but get deprived of the chaos that goes down on the bus ride back to the hotel. Who the fuck is in charge? Krystal is very unhappy with her future stalking victim, so much so that she used the time on the bus to throw Arie under it, telling the girls that he is a liar and she can’t trust him. Normal individuals who felt this way, would just pack up their shit and head home, key word: normal. But this is a good time to get a sneak peek at what real crazy is like. The girls do confront Krystal when she comes out in her bathrobe, ready to boil a bunny, and when Kendall asks her if she is out of the game or is she trying to send a message, she does say that her suitcase is ready to go. Kendall gives her a small piece of her mind and then it’s time for everyone to head out. One would have to wonder if her reaction would’ve been the same if it were Krystal’s team who lost and then got invited to still hang with Arie. . .and it took the baby of the group to point this out to everyone else. Arie soon realizes that Krystal is missing and once the girls feel him in on her temper tantrum, he decides to check in on her. Which of course is just giving her what she wants. . .alone time with him. Overall, I don’t think Arie should’ve went back upstairs, but I do think he handled it really well. He did tell her to stay in the room while he was going to go hang out with the girls and he would see her in a few days. Once things get settled, Kendall gets Arie first. Followed by Bekah. Both get their opportunity to make out with him and I can say with all of my gusto, that I am actually tired of seeing the tongues swap spit, we don’t need the close up, do we? We do find out that because of all the drama, Becca not only missed out on shaving her legs, but she had to skip the whole shower completely and still smells like a bowling ball. How her whole body smells like one, is a mystery I have no interest in solving, but the good news? Arie did lick a bowling ball earlier and he takes her back to his room, so the night may end in her favor. Just when we thought that Arie put Crazy to sleep for the night. . .she decides that she is not done. 

It doesn’t take long for the girls to call Krystal out on her hypocrisy and once that is done, she decides to go put the crazy up for good, well until tomorrow. Lauren gets her time with Arie and actually has one of the better discussions, they play a bit of 21 questions, which was really more like 5 questions, but at least she is making an attempt at getting to know him better. And because of that, he gifts her with the rose.

One-On-One Date #2: Tia | This date is taking the happy couple to the Everglades National Park. My first thought was hell no, this is not the date for me, but watching them fly through the water, it actually looked pretty cool. They meet up with Gerald, who has built a cabin smack in the middle of the Everglades and loves to go frogging. They devour fried frog legs, fried catfish, and fried corn on the cob. The Arkansawyer is shining bright from Tia’s soul on this date. So far, this is a great one-on-one. Whoever the mastermind is behind this date, needs to plan more, because this is by far the most real date Arie has been on. There was no yacht, there was no celebrity stylist or private jet back to meet the ‘rents, there was no hot tubbing on the lake. . .this was just what was needed. . .normalcy. 

The evening finds them at a nautical themed restaurant and it also finds Tia confessing to the camera that she is falling in love with Arie and she knows she needs to tell him. I knew our first confession of the season was coming, I just didn’t think it would be my girl, I wonder how much Raven shared with her and made her feel that it was important to be the first one to utter those three all important words? The conversation kicks off good, we learn that Tia has her doctorate in physical therapy, so one should start referring to her as Dr. Tia Booth, the ladies should probably take note. She also confesses that she can do her job anywhere, good little tidbit to throw into the convo. Things quickly switch to faith and religion. She has it, he doesn’t. He does ask her if she could see herself married to someone that is not of the faith and she responds with “Yeah. Like if I understand your perspective of it”. I’m not sure I can totally believe that, but we’ll table that topic for another time. The whole discussion felt very natural and not at all forced. . .until she confesses her love. I don’t know if it was weird because she was nervous or maybe because there were cameras all around, but it was a bit wincy. I guess we’ll have to wait and see if it’s real, but in the meantime, Arie fell for it and the rose is her’s. Where it gets interesting is when Arie confesses to the camera that he feels himself more around her than he does with any of the other women, so it looks like #teamtia is pulling out in front of the pack. It also looks like Arie just can’t get enough of her, because they stop on the porch to resume a very hot and heavy make out sesh.

I’m guessing that Arie has not made up his mind yet, considering cocktail time is about to commence. I’m also guessing that with the drama that has surrounded Krystal this week, the ladies are gonna need some liquid sustenance to get through the night. My point is proven when Krystal gives her obligatory speech about how challenging the week was for her, but in the end she is just here for Arie, which if that is the case, I’m not sure why she is sharing her inner most diary with everyone, but birds of a crazy feather. . .Kendall gets Arie first and finally another who starts off their time by playing a game of “let me get to know you without your tongue in my mouth”. Kendall is a quirky one, which comes across as very charming, the question she chooses to start with is whether or not Arie would consume human meat if it were the tradition of a hypothetical tribe he was visiting, okay maybe charming wasn’t the right word. In case you’re curious, no he would not. In the meantime, the girls are doing what us girls do best and that’s talk some shit. Of course this shit show is being brought to us thanks to Krystal and her wacky ways. This wouldn’t be the show it is if Krystal wasn’t able to hear every single word that is being spoken about her, but no worries, she knows how tight she is with her boo, but just in case, she is gonna go ahead and try to diffuse before anyone sabotages. She offers herself up for some one-on-one time with anyone who wants to hash it out privately. Kendall is her first bite and all her quirkiness goes straight out the window, she has put on her big girl britches for this convo. Kendall basically told Krystal that she needed step off her man, because there is no way that she could feel love for him while calling him names behind his back. Bekah had her turn to call her out as well and as many time as Krystal has commented on Bekah’s maturity, I think Bekah was the adult in that conversation. And as a reminder, all of this drama is because. . .Krystal called Arie a liar and untrustworthy. . .Krystal packed her bags to go home, but is still there. . .it’s not because he confessed feelings for her and someone else, it’s not because she caught him making out with another woman, it’s not even because he went on a date with someone else. . .it’s because he changed his mind. Let that sink in for just a bit. If she is that offended and that hurt over him just having a change of heart, can you imagine what the future would look like for him if he were to gift her with his last name? 

We had to know that Arie was going to give her a chance to speak privately with him and as soon as he sits, the voice gets turned on. Arie tells her she knows him better than any other girl there and their relationship is further along than any other. . .that’s the way you should play this game, Arie, just continue to pull out the insanity, smart move. He does man up a bit when he tells her that the behavior she displayed put their relationship back a bit. Now is the time that we may need to have Jesus take the wheel, because as I sit here and watch as I type, I cannot believe the words that are coming out of her mouth. She now blames the whole breakdown on the fact that she grew up in a bowling alley, her mom worked there, and it was difficult seeing men come in and out of her mom’s life while making promises they could not keep. And that bowling alley date just brought up some awful memories from her childhood. Move over Annaliese, we have a winner. On a more positive note, Arie didn’t seem like he was falling for her story and he actually stepped up and laid it all out on the line for her. . .like a goddamn adult, one who used his words instead of his tongue. 

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly Recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Chelsea, Lauren, and Tia all have secured their place for one more week. Now let’s see some hearts break and some tears shed. And we can’t forget that whoever he says goodbye to tonight will have no hope for love in the future, so we also get to see some dreams die right before our very eyes. On a side note, we need to get real serious about getting Krystal that dictionary, I’m not sure she knows what the word ‘futuristic’ means. 

The Bachelor | It's Reality BXTCHES | Episode Re-Cap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Chelsea, 29-Real Estate Executive Assistant

Lauren B., 25-Tech Sales

Tia, 26-Physical Therapist

Bekah M., 22-Nanny

Seinne, 27-Commercial Real Estate Manager

Kendall, 26-Creative Director

Becca K., 27-Publicist

Jacquline, 26-Reasearch Coordinator

Jenna, 28-Social Media Manager

Krystal, 29-Fitness Coach

The Bachelor | It's Reality BXTCHES | Episode Re-Cap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Ashley Luke, 25-Real Estate Agent

Maquel, 23-Photographer

Marikh, 27-Restaurant Owner

The Bachelor | It's Reality BXTCHES | Episode Re-Cap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

“I’m on a dreamboat, but I’m also with a dreamboat.” -Chelsea

“Krystal literally, like, lost her mind.” -Ashley

“I’m just trying to have fun and bowl.” -Arie

“I was his first date, and I plan to be his last.” -Becca

“Hell yeah, I love fried everything.” -Tia

“I’m gonna try to diffuse the situation, because haters gonna hate.” -Krystal

“That was glitter. Glitter.” -Krystal

“Like, this is our first fight.” -Krystal

“It could be our last fight.” -Arie

,

Last week I threw out some suggestions that maybe ABC could use to make some changes and after tonight’s Rose Ceremony, I have another. I think that the ones coming into the Rose Ceremony with roses already should get to sit up front next to the Bachelor/ette, just to add some flair to the process. That way, the others are reminded who it is that’s safe, all the while they continue to wobble on their stilettos. 

I was actually surprised by who got sent home. I’m not shocked that he kept Krystal, if he wasn’t keeping her for himself (or his dick), he was definitely doing it for production because she adds the drama needed for this season. I was shocked that he sent Maquel home. Why even have her come back if you’re not going to at least give her another week to find a spark? It’s as if he brought her all the way back just to humiliate her. 

I may be going against any and all rules of the Ya-Ya, but is it too much for ABC to help some of the ladies out with their make-up? You don’t have to do it for them, just give some lessons. They are on television, it’s going to look different than when they are just looking into a mirror. Some of the girls got it, but some are needing just a lesson or two. But for real, someone needs to have a talk with Jenna’s eyebrows and tell them to calm their tits and while the conversation is happening, just mention that her face is showing up a bit lighter than the rest of her body when the cameras hit. She is very beautiful, just a couple of tweeks. On a more positive note, the weaves are looking fantastic so far.

The Bachelor airs on ABC Mondays. . .7pm CENTRAL/8pm EASTERN

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The Bachelor 2018 | Episode Four Re-Cap | 01.22.18

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BXTCHES Gotta Warn: I’m not really sure why I even call this a warning anymore, I mean, I guess it sometimes is. . .but since I wanna stay somewhat consistent, a warning is what it will continue to be. I just want you to know that I am well aware of the fact that sometimes this doesn’t even come close to representing the word ‘warning’. The past couple of weeks I have decided to re-cap as I watch, well this week. . .I just ain’t doin’ it! I did go ahead and watch last night (it is now Tuesday) and let me just say the following: Usually I can tolerate the wince that this show produces within the depths of my soul. Why? Because the man candy that is trying to find a bride makes it so. I know. . .I know. . .shallow. Whatever. My point? I don’t even have that this year, so for two whole hours every single Monday, my soul is in a constant cringe state and it’s becoming a bit too much to bear. But I’m no quitter, so forge ahead I must. However, I am trying to convince myself that the fine folks over at ABC are in a rebuilding mode and is chalking this season up to a bankruptcy of the mind. Full disclosure, it is only the fourth episode, he still has some time to win a BXTCH over.

Last Week On: That episode was nothing short of a hot mess. They wrestled, we continue to learn that Krystal is nutty as a fruitcake and it’s getting worse, one of the Lauren’s got sent home during her one-on-one, Annaliese revealed that dogs also trigger her PTSD (we learned this on a dog date), and The Kissing Bandit *wince* isn’t swapping it with everyone, which Annaliese found out the hard way and was sent packing, along with Bibiana. Fun times.

Tonight On: (1) group date and (2) one-on-one dates

Even though this season, so far, can at best be declared disappointing, this episode however did bring about some realizations. Chelsea in this episode is by far the best Chelsea I’ve seen this season and she does a great impression of Krystal, which will always score some points in the pro column. Fake or not, eyelashes really do make a difference and the psychological vetting that is being done on these contestants is clearly not thorough enough.

We kick off this episode talking about the youngest elephant in the room. . .Bekah. And the ones passing the judgement are Chelsea (29), Caroline (26), Jenna (28), and Becca (27). The question being pondered among this group is: would Bekah be ready to get married and does Arie know her age? There really wasn’t an opinion on whether or not she is ready to be married at such a young age, their bigger concern is that fact that she hasn’t yet told Arie her age (I’ll discuss more on that later). I am one that believes 22 is a bit young, but they all are seeming to forget that not only is Maquel 23, but she has already been married and divorced, so if anyone has insight at tying the knot at such a young age, it would be her.

Straight from jump street, the crazy is coming out of Krystal like hot lava. In her confessional she not only gushes on about how proud she is of Arie for sending Lauren home, but how these girls are not prepared to fulfill Arie’s wishes. She never clarifies on what exactly the wishes are, but she makes it clear ain’t nobody ready but her. The icing on this crazy cupcake? She claims that the ladies are living in a false reality and she is willing to be the voice of reason that Arie may need. She is just so thoughtful. There is so much to dissect. First, I think that because Krystal wants as much screen time as possible, she sits in the confessional just saying words. Second, c’mon ‘false reality’, has anyone told her that she is in fact on a reality show to find her husband? A false reality is what she is currently living. Good Lord, I hope her mother is planning some sort of smack down for her when she arrives home.

The ladies quickly learn that this shitshow is wrapping up in California and is about to move to Lake Tahoe and they couldn’t have been more excited if they were learning that Arie had decided to just take on some Sister Wives and declare them all winners. And just in case sound travels a bit better than even we can imagine, the ladies decide to announce to Tahoe that they are in fact on their way. Insert eye roll right about here. 

Someone in production certainly had Kendall in mind when they jumped onto Hotels.com to book the accommodations for this trip. That girl is in taxidermy heaven. The date card has been dropped off and first up is Seinne and the first one-on-one of the show.

One-On-One Date #1: Seinne, “Let’s let our love soar” -Arie | More about Seinne Fleming. She is 27 years old and currently resides in Orange County, CA., although she has also called Scottsdale, AZ home, something in common with Arie. She graduated from Yale in 2012 and currently works as an Assistant Property Manager. Fun Fact: She won Miss Teen Long Beach in 2007. Arie arrives to pick up the lucky lady and this leaves the ones remaining to speculate whether or not she will be coming back. Arie’s self proclaimed bride had this to say: “Seinne is on a date today and she’s probably going home tonight, um, that makes me happy. The more girls that go home the more time I get with Arie. So good luck.” 

I have to wonder if the crew goes into the living area, hands out binoculars and tells the girls to go check out the view from the balcony, because that is where we find them. And what is it they’re doing you ask? Getting in a Arie + Seinne peep show. It’s weird enough that there are multiple ladies competing to be someone’s bride. It’s weird enough that they all sit around and talk about their personal time with him. It’s weird enough that as soon as he removes his tongue from one mouth, another is waiting to be filled. I think it’s about time that ABC added a new feature to the show that’s creatively titled “Give these ladies something to do” because standing outside creeping on someone else’s date is usually not well received in the real world. Regardless, the one-on-one date has our couple parasailing which leads to a picnic on the beach. The conversation centers around Arie’s family and the wedding of his younger brother. Seinne shares her trepidation about being on the first one-on-one date after Lauren (the one he sent packing), but he puts her mind at ease by telling her how impressed he was with her back on the first night. The kissing then commenced. 

Back at the lodge: Maquel talks to her mother and learns that her grandfather has passed away. Apparently, this was very unexpected, he wasn’t sick, nothing indicating that the end was near. She does pack up to head home. I’m not sure what the protocol is for this, but I do hope she is allowed to return. The next date card arrives and we find out it is a group date and with only 13 girls to choose from, 12 will be piling into the car together and one will be left daydreaming about what their alone time will bring. Bekah, girl it’s almost time to whip out the ID, your one-on-one date is here. BXTCH side commentary: It has not taken too many brain cells for even me to see the sexual chemistry that sizzles between Bekah and Arie. So one should’ve been able to deduce that it was just a matter of time before her number was picked. One would not be Krystal. It is in her professional opinion a 14 year age difference is too much to overcome and Bekah is so young that she has yet to find her identity. Don’t you just love how concerned she not only is of Arie, but for Bekah as well. She is a true member of the Ya-Ya.

The sun has set and as we learned last week, this was not a good thing for Lauren. Let’s hope it goes better for Seinne, if for no other reason. . .just to piss off Krystal. Before anything even gets started, we get a piece of Seinne’s confessional on love. She talks about how hard love was for her parents, so that example wasn’t very firmly set, but she goes on to talk about how growing up, there was no fairy tale ending for black girls. Which contributes to her apprehension towards love. When the conversation kicks off between the two love birds, Seinne brings up Arie’s run on the show and how he has not been in love since. He does admit to only dating girls who he knew wasn’t ready for the long haul, even if subconsciously. Time to put on the brakes. Only Arie and his ex’s know the real truth, but from everything I have read, the may be pulling on Seinne’s leg a bit. Just Google Sydney Stempfley. There’s this article or this one. Probably more, just start there. Everything implies that she was serious and that he is somewhat a liar. This one fact that certainly stood out is him telling her that he found out that he was going to be the next Bachelor just one hour before Good Morning America announced it. He really must have some ocean front property to sell in Scottsdale. Back to the date. Their conversation flowed just okay. Seinne talked a lot about her parents and how she realized as a kid that marriage isn’t perfect and that there weren’t too many examples of girls that looked like her on T.V. finding love. I think she makes a good point, but I kinda got the feeling that she was almost trying to conjure up a reason for being love shy. But, she certainly didn’t ramble like Lauren, which means she found herself a rose in the end. So far the best part of these one-on-ones? The concerts, from what I am assuming feature up and coming artists. Tonight’s show starred Lanco. Again, I have no idea who he is or where he came from, but it was good. Having to watch Arie and Seinne dance. . .not so much.

Group Date: Chelsea, Krystal, Becca, Marikh, Ashley, Jacquline, Tia, Jenna, Kendall, Lauren, Brittany, Caroline “Will our love survive?” -Arie | He does bring up Maquel, but doesn’t mention whether or not she will be returning. Fingers crossed. The date kicks off with a hike. I don’t think this date could’ve been planned better for Kendall if she were to have picked it herself. Soon they meet up with a survival expert and his wife. Not only experts on surviving in the wild, but they have been married for 13 years, so there you go. They tell the ladies that the skills that they need to survive in nature are the same ones that they would need to survive a relationship. I’m sure this was meant to be cute and all, but to survive something would indicate that I was able to get through it alive. Hello, there is a T.V. show with the same name and one that does not have me ever wanting to sign up for. If you’re looking to just ‘survive’ a relationship, you should probably get out. Relationships are for thriving, not surviving. My husband and I have gone 23 years without me having to pee outside or kill my own food or read some sort of a treasure map leading us to the end of the rainbow, because I can pretty much guarantee you that if he and I were thrown into the wild, one of us ain’t coming out alive and we sure ain’t coming out still married. I’m not sure what the education background looks like for these women, but the fact that this survivor expert was not only able to convince these women to pee in a water bottle, but also almost drink it because they thought Arie was drinking his, tells me that they aren’t as high on that spectrum as I maybe thought. FYI, Arie didn’t drink his pee, it was apple juice and they literally had to stop a couple of the girls from taking swigs from their bottles, which were filled with urine. I would also like to ponder over the following, how many of the girls would’ve still kissed Arie thinking he drank his own pee? Next up, whose willing to eat some worms? Man whatever happened to just getting a brazilian and showing off the tits, now in order to impress your date, worms need to be consumed, and let’s not forget the maggots. No thank you. Of course our resident lunatic believes that this is all a desperate attempt at trying to claim Arie’s attention. Since they now have all the skills needed (peeing in water bottles and eating bugs) they are ready to traipse through the wilderness with hopes of making it to their destination. They are split up into three teams and sent on their way. Arie is placed on the blue team and needless to say, those who weren’t are none too happy and some quickly learn that if surviving in the wild has any bearing on surviving in a relationship, it’s not looking good for them. Eventually all arrive at the destination, which is a hot tub oasis.

Things get interesting quick. Krystal finds her way next to Arie in the hot tub or he finds his way next to her and across from them are Tia and Caroline, who use this time for some fun by mocking Arie and Krystal. Arie finds it funny. It was. Krystal however believes that they are making faces at her and they are making Arie uncomfortable. Two things. It was Krystal who throughout the show (up to this point) talks about how juvenile the girls are and how it’s her that’s the voice of reason and she is what Arie needs, but she’s gonna whine that Tia and Caroline are making faces at her, a dictionary would be a nice gift for Krystal. Her mother really needs to intervene, because something definitely went wrong in the formidable years. Second, the only thing uncomfortable in that hot tub was Arie’s dick. Everyone eventually makes their way to the hot tub and now the only thing uncomfortable is Krystal. She actually compares herself to a camp counselor supervising high schoolers and questions whether or not this is real life. She asks that knowing that she is in Lake Tahoe, sitting in a hot tub with 11 other women, all striving for the same man. . .I’m gonna go out on a limb and say no, no it’s not real life, but the fact that you actually had to ask that question, just wraps you up in one neat little delirious package and trust, it gets even better later in the evening. 

So, the problem for someone like Krystal is since she has basically declared herself Mrs. Luyendyk, Jr. or let’s face facts, it’s more likely that she has declared him Mr. Krystal Nielson because that man doesn’t have an alpha bone in his submissive body. Anywho, back to the problem. She really believes he has already picked her and is just going through the motions for the sake of the show. Exhibit A: Kendall pulls him aside at the beginning of the wilderness hike just to get a kiss. She did eat a worm and a maggot for crying out loud, she deserved more than a kiss, but Krystal’s reaction was shock. When they are all in the hot tub, we’re lucky she didn’t drown anyone once Arie moved from his place beside her, to the middle. We’ll get back to the unhinged reality that Krystal finds herself residing within in a bit. First up tonight is Lauren and I believe her when she tells him that she is working outside of her comfort zone because she asks him: “I mean, what exactly are you looking for? I know you want someone who has a flexible schedule. But what else are you looking for?” Do you think she knows she is on a show looking for love and not at an interview looking for a job? She does go onto mention how she hopes when their old and gross looking, that they can still “spank each other’s butts”. I’m pretty sure this was her way of subliminally telling Arie the kind of kinkery she prefers. He did respond with “I like that”, so hey girl, you may have found him. We learn from Kendall that she travels with a duck named Ping and she is looking forward to introducing him to Arie. I do believe that Arie is really starting to feel something with Kendall, quirks and all. Krystal continues to alienate herself from the others by constantly giving her own commentary on how the date has gone versus how her other dates with Arie have gone. I just really think she enjoys hearing her own voice, but it is fun to see the other girls imitate and get frustrated with her. When it’s time for her to manipulate Arie, she starts off by telling him that things are hard because since she got one of the first one-on-ones, she feels like a target has been put on her back, which I would get her concern if it were the girls eliminating one another, but is it really a target if Arie is the one picking? Also, has she forgotten that Becca had the very first one-on-one of the season and she is still able to function without being a total wack job? She is trying to convince Arie that she is becoming a victim with the other girls, she brings up the hot tub situation, he tells her how pretty she is. She goes on about how she pours love into everything and how much it hurts. . .I don’t even really know what she’s talking about. She’s trying to cry while saying ‘like’ every other word. I have two words. . .bat + shit. I have seen many episodes of Snapped and I know what qualities they are looking for when it comes time to “cast”, that bat has a lot of what is required to be a star on that show. Tia makes an appearance and Krystal asks Arie to delay her for a minute and he does. He is definitely a bottom. The night is about to get 100 times better when Krystal asks for a moment of Tia and Caroline’s time. Please let them all go on Paradise together. Even though I may need to bleach my eyeballs, I promise I’ll watch the whole season. 

The whole point of Krystal pulling aside Tia and Caroline was to tell them how her feelings got hurt when they were in the hot tub. I would like to remind you all that during the entire episode thus far, she has continued to comment on how she is at a different level than the other girls and how immature they all are, she has basically commented on how adult she is versus how childish everyone else is. Seriously, someone get her a dictionary and flag a couple of pages, just for some pleasure reading and to maybe ensure that she stop sounding like someone who thinks she knows all the words. When she realizes that the “she got her feelings hurt” battle cry is getting shut down solidly by Tia, she switches tunes to how uncomfortable she was in getting the one-on-one so early and how all the others were giving her a hard time, which again, got shut down. Krystal was really just trying to start something that would then allow her to run to Arie and whine about how the other girls are being mean to her. The hypocrisy of the situation is that Loony Tunes continues to say that she is only there for Arie, which if true, then who cares what others think? 

Now Tia is getting to have her turn with Arie and she breaks down a bit, Arie soothes her nerves. . .again with his tongue and she walks away feeling more assured. Well, Arie earned about a teaspoon of my faith when he hands the rose over to Tia. 

One-On-One Date #2: Bekah “I’m looking for a stable relationship.” -Arie | But before the date can even get going, Chelsea, and Seinne find themselves having to listen to Krystal discuss how proud she is of herself for overcoming all of the challenges that tried to hold her down on the group date. She claims that she is working on not coming across as being so intimidating to the other girls, because she comes across as flawless and with my hand to the Homeboy above, she said that. I’m no psychiatrist, but I am quite certain that I can diagnose this as being out of one’s mind. This is my 3rd full season to watch and I’ve seen some unhinged ladies, but this chick here takes the cake and the ice cream. Now let’s get to the date. I think we have our first running into the arms, whilst wrapping the legs around the waist of the season. Congrats to Bekah for that honor. They trek through some woods on horseback, which leads them to some hot tubbing. They drink some, they make out some, she rubs the screws on his collar bone, you know, the norm.

As the nighttime gets underway, Arie is waxing poetically about how great Bekah is. . .how incredible and amazing she is. . .how strong and independent and sexy and mature she is, if there was a positive adjective available, he grabbed it. So, while the others are sure that he is going to let her go as soon as he finds out her age, there are too many positives swimming around in his head (and most likely his pants) for that to happen. The convo is flowing very well. They’re talking about their chemistry, about how intrigued he is by her, they discuss wanting to really get to know one another. As the discussion progresses, eventually she asks him if he knows how old she is. His reply? No. When he does ask and she responds with “I’m 22”, he seems shocked, I just don’t know if I’m buying his lack of knowledge. Maybe he didn’t know she was 22, but I’m willing to bet that he wasn’t opposed to a contestant being that young. I have no idea if the star of the show gets to put in guidelines when contestants are picked. But, I would like to think that they have a say in what the minimum and maximum age that they are comfortable with. He does ask if she has ever dated someone his age and she tells him that she has casually dated men in their 30’s, but no one as old as him. His concern at this point is does she really know what she wants. He does voice concern about getting to the end and falling in love with her, just for her to break his heart. It goes back and forth for a bit before Arie tells her that he believes that the connection they have could be amazing and decides to give her the rose and then does what they do best, make out. 

It seems as though our Bachelor has his mind already made up and is choosing to forgo drinking hour, much to the dismay of the ladies. But before that bomb gets dropped, Krystal has once again decided to dole out advice, which if you think about it, is quite humorous. If she really knew all that much about love and how to find it and secure it, she would most definitely not be on my TV screen right now, encouraging me to fast forward. The saving grace? Hearing the others talk about how they feel about her. 

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Seinne, Bekah, and Tia all have secured their spot, so I suppose skipping out on getting buzzed isn’t fazing them too terribly much. The others however, I’m sure wished they were able to tip back a couple of shots before heading into the line-up. Mostly because they haven’t gotten “their time”, but a little bit because Krystal has made the decision that nobody, not even The Bachelor himself, is gonna tell her that she ain’t getting her time. She interrupts the doling out of the first rose and asks to speak to Arie, leaving everyone ready to cut a BXTCH. And BachelorNation soon learns that our little crazy nugget is also pretty insecure. In the end, she just wanted him to know that she is only there for him and how much she believes in their relationship. I called this from the one-on-one date, but I do believe if she makes it to the Fantasy Suites, he may have a pregnancy scare on his hands. 

The Bachelor | It's Reality BXTCHES | Episode Re-Cap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Ashley Luke, 25-Real Estate Agent

Becca K., 27-Publicist

Bekah M., 22, Nanny

Chelsea, 29-Real Estate Executive Assistant

Jacquline, 26-Reasearch Coordinator

Jenna, 28-Social Media Manager

Kendall, 26-Creative Director

Krystal, 29-Fitness Coach

Lauren B., 25-Tech Sales

Marikh, 27-Restaurant Owner

Seinne, 27-Commercial Real Estate Manager

Tia, 26-Physical Therapist

The Bachelor | It's Reality BXTCHES | Episode Re-Cap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Brittany T., 30-Tech Recruiter

Caroline, 26-Realtor

 

The Bachelor | It's Reality BXTCHES | Episode Re-Cap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

“I really like Arie.”. . .”I can’t use the ‘L’ word yet, but I really like him.” -Seinne

“Arie’s looking for a woman, not a girl.” -Krystal

“Ghandi used to drink his own pee.”. . .”I’m not Ghandi.” -Marikh

“I would drink my pee for Arie.” -Jenna

“I think if Krystal gets the rose tonight, Tia is going to speed bag her face.” -Caroline

“I mean obviously it would be frustrating if I went home and Krystal stayed. But Krystal’s not his wife.”. . .”She is playing him like a fiddle, man.” -Caroline

“My relationship with Arie is very strong. Is he gonna send home a woman who has a lot to offer? I don’t think so.” -Krystal

“You know just like people slut shame and body shame people, you were like glam shaming me.” -Marikh

“Like freakin‘ Millennials these days.” -Chelsea

Here’s some truth about me. My body shape isn’t anywhere near ready for The Bachelor, my age would actually be the bigger issue, but I’m trying to make a point. I have always been fascinated by The Biggest Loser and I always thought I would probably be successful on that show, but it’s a show that I would NEVER take part in, wanna know why? Because when the contestants get weighed, they have to remove their shirt. Nope, not doing it. It takes me way too far outside my comfort zone for an event like that to occur, even if it were to mean me losing a significant amount of weight. So I find myself wondering, why is it that every contestant on this show is someone who has had a very difficult time with love. Whether it’s. . .they’ve been too hurt to try their hand at love until The Bachelor. . .it’s so hard to be vulnerable until The Bachelor. . .it’s really hard for them to open up until The Bachelor. . .they don’t trust easily until The Bachelor. . .you name it, they have it. My point is this, if you are really someone who has been burned to being almost unrecognizable, your heart has been shattered and there is no way you see yourself trusting in anyone in the near future. . .the best decision for you to make is to compete for the love of one man along side 20+ other women? Now all of a sudden you can trust and open up? It seems to me if your hangups are any of the ones mentioned above, then going on T.V. to find love is the equivalent to me standing in a sports bra being weighed for the world to see. Ridiculous. 

I suppose we need to discuss the Bekah age situation. Now I get that 22 is young, but Maquel is 23. Corinne was 23 to Nick’s 36 and Brad Womack was 38 to Emily’s 25 (and he picked her). My mind is in the same place as everyone else. Is she ready for a marriage? I’m gonna go one further and say that I don’t even think he is. During this particular segment, in his confessional he went on and on about how he wants a wife and a family and how serious he is about the journey. I will again remind. . .Sydney Stempfley, just click the links above. But in the end, I have no idea what Bekah is ready for, only she knows that. And since when can someone not be adventurous and live life to the fullest, while wearing a gold band? I actually liked her on this date more than I have up to this point. She was much more composed than he was, she somewhat tackled the issues head on and answered his questions honestly or at least what seemed to be honest. I get that the minimum age to appear on this show is 21, but I also think that the Bachelor/ette certainly has some sort of say in what their minimum age is, if not, then shame on ABC. However in the end, I do believe that this was only meant to be a step up to the next journey for her in this crazy franchise. And let’s not forget, he likes them more on the younger side and while that age may only be more for his sexual preference, but if that’s the case, his bride to be better get ready for her Knight in Shining Armor to have himself a side piece. 

I’m starting to want to encourage ABC to revamp this show and while I’m pretty sure no one over at the American Broadcasting Company is reading to find out what suggestions this BXTCH is making this week, I’m gonna forge ahead with them. . .you know, just in case. I think that they should really consider sending the contestants out on their own sort of group date, while The Bachelor/ette is out doing their thing. It’s starting to creep me out to have to watch them peep. Also, I would like to somewhat be able to see the thought process behind the Rose Ceremony. I mean, we watch the contestants almost the entire episode, what is the Bachelor/ette doing? Let’s just get some sort of a glimpse. I’m starting to believe that BachelorNation needs to have a say in who the next Bachelor is. With all the polls and surveys going around, surely y’all can figure something out, because whatever method is currently being used, is way off base. I really am trying to find something about Arie that’ll give me at least an internal moan, but the only thing that rattles up from the depths of my BXTCHy soul is frustration. There is no charm, no sex appeal, no humor. . .GIVE ME SOMETHING! And since we’re discussing it, the ladies this year seem to be having the panties melt right off, if that is the case, then the editing is going terribly wrong, because it’s not translating and I really want to believe that these ladies are really feeling something and not just there for the cameras.

In the end, Tia lost another friend and even though I did have Caroline in my final four, it was really me just picking someone because the only two I was truly feeling was Tia and Becca. But here’s what I want the ones discarded to realize. You dodged a bullet, girls. If he ain’t feeling it, then I promise you there is something greater waiting. And just by being on the show, you have already signed up for a really strange orgy type of club with the Bachelor Alumni, so surely there is someone within that group that’ll have you screaming sweet nothings soon enough. Also, do you really want to be with someone who is okay with the type of behavior that Krystal has been displaying? Arie is 36, he has lived long enough to know better, but doesn’t seem to care. So, anyone that can be attracted to whatever it is she’s emitting, is someone that I wouldn’t want anywhere near my good stuff. 

The Bachelor airs on ABC Mondays. . .7pm CENTRAL/8pm EASTERN

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The Bachelor 2018 | Episode Three Re-Cap | 01.15.18

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BXTCHES Gotta Warn: Well, it’s that time BXTCHES. . .after tonight, we’ll be three episodes in and I have yet to be impressed. Arie hasn’t wooed me (not that I’m the one who needs to be swept away, but still), he hasn’t forced me to do a double take, my toes haven’t curled, there has been any flutter whatsoever in my belly (or in other places), you know what that’s called? Disappointment. I can’t even rally up any jealousy for these women, I actually feel sorry for them. You can hate on Nick all you want, but that fucker was so much fun to look at. It’s time to step up your game ABC. 

Last Week On: Was that episode a train wreck or what? We had a group date that brought back some horrible bumper car memories for Annaliese, Krystal got to meet the fam, so she’s now started to plan the I Do’s, and Becca was gifted an evening gown wardrobe by Rachel Zoe along with a $1300 pair of shoes, but in the end kept a very calm and lovable vibe about her. A catfight almost broke out between Bibiana and Krystal, but when it was all said and done, only words flew, so again I was left disappointed. In the end, three ladies packed it up and one was more upset over having to leave her friends than she was about being out of the running to be the one who gets to wake up to that hot mess of hair every day. 

Tonight On: We get (2) group dates and (1) one-on-one date.

It’s time for another “Gathering of the Minds” moment, but first Bibiana and Krystal need to re-cap what went down during the last Rose Ceremony. Well, they spoke to the cameras, not to the entire bunch of ladies, but interestingly enough, as much as they don’t like one another, they’re sure enjoy sitting next to each other. And maybe my petty game is just that strong, but if I don’t like you, we are certainly not sharing the same space. Back to our programming. Chris Harrison makes his appearance and reminds the girls that with 18 left, not everyone is going to get date time, so it’s important to make the time that they have with Arie count. Translated: “Continue doing you boo, keep interrupting and stirring up drama, I would like to be back next season.” He says what needs to be said, drops off the date card and bids a farewell.

Group Date #1: Maquel, Jacqueline, Lauren B., Tia, Marikh, Bekah, Bibiana, and Krystal. “It’s all about the ring.” -Arie | Decked out in their finest and for some, their tiniest workout gear, the girls leave the house with enthusiasm I’m not sure I could ever muster . It doesn’t take long to figure out that wrestling is the game and GLOB is the name. ABC, we need to have a quick discussion and I’m afraid that there are going to be a lot of these “discussions” this season. First, with my hand to the Good Lord, it looks like you guys borrowed the decor from the middle school down the road once their winter formal was over. . .in 1987. Surely, there’s more money to spare than this. Second, how any of these women can be or will be sexually attracted to Arie after his announcement into the ring is beyond what I can comprehend. My nipples would’ve shriveled up and my vagina would’ve dried up faster than the Sahara if a guy I was lusting after responded to Arie “The Kissing Bandit” Luyendyk Jr. AND came out with a cat burglar mask on. There was nothing even remotely appealing about it, does someone over there have it out for him? Also, GLOB? The Gorgeous Ladies of The Bachelor? It sounds like the same eighth graders that helped with the decorations, also came up with the name. It helps none and gives a little bit of false hope somewhere, when the ladies involved with this date, cheer and scream like this little charade gets them hot. Whatever ABC, just do better next time. Jacqueline is concerned that A) she is not athletic, so her body will most certainly be hitting the mat and B) that some of the ladies aren’t really getting along, so putting them in a ring to face off is not a good idea. Aww, sweet, sweet Jacqueline, that’s the only reason this is a good idea. 

To help out with this disastrous date, ABC has enlisted two GLOW women. . .from the 80’s. I suppose it’s time to get down to the date itself. When the ladies try to teach a roll, Arie is up first and if there was any lust left in these ladies, it’s for sure gone now. They teach a 3/4 roll, and this motherfucker did a somersault as if it were his first day in gymnastics class. . .for toddlers. It doesn’t help that during his camera confessional he admits to not knowing anything about wrestling, “I’m a race car driver”, sure you are, my question however is why do the date? Surely race car driving isn’t his only passion. Here’s a tip from me to you (free of charge): You wanna really get to know somebody? Do something that brings you great joy and see how they react, it’ll tell you a lot. Jeezus, do I have to do all the work? These GLOW women are either looking for a comeback in life or they take yesteryear very seriously. They first get on Lauren for not selling the fake wrestling. Not only do they call Bibiana pathetic, but criticize her mom and the name she bestowed upon her. They tease Tia and put her down. They’re really just some bitches. I would now ask Arie if his goal is to make his dates feel like shit when he takes them out? A friendship did form between Bibiana and Tia, so something good did come from it. However, I do wish Annaliese was on this date, I would love to see the trauma it would stir up in her. 

Now it’s time for the festivities. The women have outfitted themselves into their alter ego and wait patiently for the opportunity to take down a BXTCH. But first, Arie’s up. I would think that it would be in the best interest of the show, to have Arie look as badass as possible, but any hope for that gets fucked when he dons a cape and a mask and turns straight into the kissing bandit. . .it’s gets fucked further when Kenny (from Rachel’s season) comes out as his opponent. In case you missed that season of the Bachelorette, Kenny is a professional wrestler. It could be in the sense that Arie is a professional race car driver, I’m not too sure of his resume, but whatever it is, he still has a leg up. Even though Kenny “kicked his ass”, in the fakest way possible, Arie still got to hold onto a little of his pride by winning in the end. Now it’s time for the GLOB. Bekah the Sex Kitten vs. Maquel the Lunch Lady (Maquel won) | Krystal the Cougar vs. Jacqueline the Beauty Queen (I think) (Krystal wins) | Marikh the Gold Digger vs. Lauren the Stripper-not really, but it turned into quite the porn act and I have no idea who wins | Tia the Southern Belle vs. Bibiana the Bridezilla (Tia is the winner). And that’s it, there is no date winner, no ultimate match that pairs Arie up against one of the ladies, could you imagine how pissed off Krystal and Bekah would’ve been if Tia got to take Arie on in the ring. Man, this date sucks, I hope the nighttime is much better.

Krystal bites first and everything about their one-on-one time made me squirm and not in a good way. We must address “the voice”. I cannot be the only one who wants to shove a knife deep into their ear whenever she speaks. And here’s the thing, it’s not even her real voice. Yes, she speaks a little bit hoarse, but her voice is not that sultry. I know this because I’ve seen her YouTube videos. Arie sure is doing some ground work for his dick when he tells her how sexy she is and how it’s hard to concentrate when she’s in the room, I mean it was like. . .stroke. . .stroke. . .stroke. Then they kiss and I don’t know who gave him the name “Kissing Bandit”, but it’s has been so uncomfortable to watch him kiss these women. I would say that maybe it’s the women, but he is the common denominator. I can say with gusto, that watching Ben or Nick kiss did not make me want to turn my head.

Remember last week when I told you BXTCHES that by taking Krystal to his hometown to meet his parents would unleash something inside her? My point was proven when she actually asks him the following: “What am I supposed to do, like, on these group dates? Do I just kick back? Or, do I need to be aggressive and. . .” Arie’s response: “You just be you, you’re doing good”, which is like having a firehose shoot gasoline on an already burning inferno. The blaze is about to burn out of control when she says “I want to make sure I don’t get lost” and he says “If you ever feel lost, you just come grab me” That’s like sending a grown woman into Target and telling her that money is no object and to have fun. Later, when it’s just her and the camera, she legit says that she asked him the following: “Do you want me to be aggressive or do you want me to allow you to get to know the other girls?” You would think that at 36 years old, he would know how to somewhat read women, but after that convo and me knowing that he just set crazy free, I now know he only thinks with his dick, which is something he should’ve already outgrown, and since that’s his way of pursuing women, I now know why it is he’s single. He’s a bag em’ and tag em’ asshole. On a side note: It makes me want to pull out my fingernails to have to defend Krystal, but here it goes. I’m not sure why everyone gets pissed when someone grabs him and kicks off the night. Isn’t that the point? I don’t like the woman, but someone has to go first. And with Bibiana the main one bellyaching, I shouldn’t have to remind the cheerleader, but, next time. . .be aggressive B-E aggressive. A little less bitching and a lot more doing. And Bibiana is the first one to tell you how badass she is, well let me see it, I ain’t tuning in for him. I don’t know how some of these ladies get by in life. Good gracious, pick up a book if you need the help. Bibiana does use her time with Arie to talk about the time that’s being spent with him or the lack thereof. She mentions Krystal, but doesn’t dwell on her too much. He’s probably going to prefer Krystal over Bibana, at least she is on some sexual wire with him, all Bibiana got was a hug. That’s called the friend zone girl. 

I’m all about #teamtia, well I was, but now I’m torn. I don’t think he’s good enough for her, but then they have their time and she is just being reeled in. . .hook, line, and sinker. And the thing that pisses me off is the conversation itself. . .oh, and that weird kiss, but it seems once again that nothing of substance is being discussed. I get it, the chemistry is alive and you want to capitalize on that, but are we so far removed that no one knows how to date anymore? I probably know more about each of them than they know about the other. 

The nanny is next and we already know her age is a question yet to be answered, that is until tonight. Look, she’s 22. She’ll be 23 in February. Here’s how I know. The Bachelor Episode Three Re-Cap | How old is Bekah Martinez from The Bachelor | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com
Is it a big deal? 14 years is a big difference and one I may not blink at in the real world if fate just fell into your lap. But, she has come on to a show to find her one and only and during their time together, he asks her how long was her longest relationship and she answers with 2 1/2 to 3 years. If she broke up earlier in 2017, then that makes her 19 when the relationship began, 18 if she was 21 when they broke up, it could’ve been a high school relationship, but that was not implied. She was with someone for three years and after he broke up with her, she realized she never loved him in the first place. That could be why she’s so carefree now. Look, I watch the show, I try to buy in as much as the entertainment allows, and in the end, we all want to see someone happy and the process work, but when you’re 22, you need to conquer the journey first and settling down with anyone, much less someone who is 36 years old, should be at the very bottom of your to do list. So, my personal opinion. . .she’s here for the adventure, not the long haul and that’s okay, she may allow him to check something off of his bucket list, who knows, when the obligatory make out session occurs, she does straddle him, so something gets checked. My favorite Bekah moment of the night happens when she tells the camera it’s been a long time since she’s felt this kind of chemistry. BXTCH, “long time?”, you are 22 years old, you haven’t lived long enough to incorporate the words “long time” into any aspect of your life, unless you’re talking about how long you’ve been potty trained. 

Both Krystal and Bekah think that they are a shoe in to be pinned with the rose. Krystal truly believes that his mind is made up and he’s playing along for the sake of the show. Please put her on Paradise. I never watch a full season of that show, but if ever I were to, it would be with her on it. She gets put in her place quickly when Arie hands the rose over to Bekah. I told y’all, he thinks with his dick and who straddled him tonight? Bekah may now need to watch her back, because Krystal was really about to spring tears and when a crazy bitch turns on the waterworks, all bets are off.

At the mansion: Crazy is busy telling Marikh how jealous girls usually are of her and the experience that she chooses to share took place in the eighth grade. She is 29 years old and an incident in the eighth grade has forever shaped her perception of how women view her. I will continue to reiterate this for as long as she is on the show. . .that bitch is cray cray. And I’m talking crazy in the Snapped sense of the word. So, whoever Arie chooses (if it’s not her), y’all better prepare for her to show up and declare her undying love. What’s even more entertaining is she tells Marikh how insecure girls are around her, how jealous they get and how she thinks that it’s followed her into the house. Meaning some of the girls in the house are starting to become jealous of her. Give Marikh credit, her facial expression couldn’t have said “Bitch, please. Insecure?” any better if she would’ve actually said the words herself. I really hope Crazy doesn’t win, but not for the reasons she would think, I just want to see her reaction when she doesn’t get a rose. It could be Emmy worthy.

One-On-One Date: Lauren S., “You had me at merlot” -Arie | I have to admit, this date surprised me, in a good way. Only because Lauren S. has not really shown up in my re-caps yet and usually if that’s the case, then they’re not getting a whole lot of screen time. It’s once again time for Arie to whip it out, his private jet that is, don’t tell Krystal, I think that she may really believe that Arie owns the jet, which means that she does as well, since in her mind they are already married. Arie is whisking her away to Napa, which at first I thought, man that would suck if she didn’t drink wine, but who am I kidding, this is The Bachelor after all, wine is water. During the boarding of the plane and all that goes with it, Arie talks about how he’s excited about the date, because he’s excited to get to know Lauren more. He describes her as beautiful and mature and that she has a great job. I’m gonna go ahead and let you all know now that if someone asks you to tell them some great things about me and the word you use is ‘mature’, I’m kicking your ass. No questions, just a good ole’ school yard beat down. I got a couple left in me and I’m saving them for the right time. But when he goes on to say how she is what he is looking for in a potential wife, he should have said just that she looks the way he wants a potential wife to look, call it like you mean it. Once they arrive at the winery and the date really takes off, their conversation is flowing very well. The right questions are being asked, Lauren is finally finished with her giddiness and the adult in her has taken over. Arie actually has some jokes, overall so far this date is a relief to what we have watched up to this point. All in all, the day portion of the date has gone great. 

I’m not sure what happened between the snack in the vineyard and the sun setting, but Lauren is so all over the place that Arie starts to eat the meal that they’re not supposed to eat. He asked her about her journey to the show, so she starts to tell him about her last relationship, but then dives into her family, then moves onto Mother’s Day and an eye infection. I don’t even like Arie and I’m kinda feeling for him right now. She does at least admit to the camera that she knows she was all over the place and she wouldn’t even give herself the rose. Blame the wine girl! In the end, the rose didn’t happen and Lauren got sent back to Dallas and since she talked nonstop, she didn’t even get to enjoy the steak. Lesson learned: Always eat first, at least then your mouth is too busy chewing to talk.

The reaction from the girls when Lauren’s suitcase is wheeled away is shock. I’m assuming her and Caroline were close, because she is in tears, but the picture of the night goes to Krystal. This is her face when they realize what is happening.

The Bachelor 2018 | Episode Three Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

I think this says it all. Krystal does go on to diagnose the situation and use her time to tell the girls that Lauren did confide in her and told her that she has a really hard time opening up and being vulnerable to which Krystal then tells the group that since she has already been on a group date and she has already been on a one-on-one date, she really has gotten to know Arie and based on that the ladies really need to make the most of their time when they have it, because if they don’t, she will swoop in and take him away. Okay, I added that last part, but c’mon, y’all know it’s true.

Group Date #2: Ashley, Becca, Brittany, Jenna, Caroline, Chelsea, Annaliese. “Love is ruff.” -Arie | When the date card arrives and the clue pretty much gives away the fact that the date will involve dogs, fuck whatever it is that is happening in the world right now because the fact that Annaliese has a traumatic childhood experience that involves dogs may very well set this episode right. I don’t know the deets yet, but I hope I’m about to find out. The date is just going to involve the park with some dogs and some fun. And the fun is some sort of stage act with the dogs and costumes. What could possibly go wrong? Back to Annaliese. First, shout out to ABC for that flashback video, it was ah-mazing! Second, I don’t remember too much about the backstory, but Annaliese’s parents were out of the country, she was with the grandparents and almost lost an eye because of the dog. I hope I don’t have to spend too much time on the hot mess that was the dog show, but I am gonna talk about Chelsea for a bit. Just an observation really. So, the girls have to get the dogs to do some tricks, ones that they practiced in the park. They are performing in front of an audience while being decked out in costumes, which bewildered me, but back to Chelsea. . .during her set, a small girl comes onto the stage. Now, Chelsea has spent a lot of time talking about her kiddo, so wouldn’t this have been a great time to show off those mom skills and let the girl help her? Instead Chelsea says nothing and the girls mom has to come on stage to get her, whilst tears streamed down the poor child’s face. What a wasted opportunity Chelsea, I bet Krystal wouldn’t have let that chance pass her by. The best part about the dog show was Fred Willard as host and Annaliese getting demoted to pooper scooper. Actually, she probably did the best job overall.

Chelsea didn’t have to rush to make the first move, Arie did it for her and of course this just reinforces how serious he is about getting to know her (sense the sarcasm). All the conversations were flowing well, not too awkward. . .well, yet. Annaliese was fretting a bit over getting time with him and when she did finally take a seat, it was nervous at best. Her goal was to just kiss him, but that plan was quickly thwarted when Chelsea shows up for round two, just to tell Arie that she came in to steal a kiss and proceeds to do just that. #whatabitch I would suspect that if she was able to eavesdrop on his private time with Becca, then she wouldn’t be so confident in her moves, because if those two would have gotten anymore horizontal, that make out session would’ve went a totally different route. But I could be way off base because in the end, Chelsea does get the rose.

It seems that the theme of this cocktail party is. . .stress. Well, really more like “I just need to see if we have a connection and I’m freaking out because we haven’t kissed”. What I would like to know is if they (the girl) aren’t feeling it, are they gonna go ahead and send themselves home? Arie finally takes charge and instead of allowing a lady to pull him away, he’s making the grab himself, he’s being very assertive tonight, first up is Seinne. Bibiana has taken the time to set up a star gazing area, in the hopes of getting some private, uninterrupted time with Arie. Too bad that while he was having time with Lauren B., they stumbled upon it. They even took advantage of the makeshift bed. You know things aren’t looking good for Bibiana when she somewhat interrupts and he asks for five more minutes with Lauren. And the hits just keep on coming at Bibiana when Arie continues to use her set-up for each and every girl, as if he was the romantic mastermind behind the whole spread. I’m not sure on what kind of fuckery Bekah was trying to sell, but she has quickly turned into a relationship guru and is convincing Arie that the reason he is so attracted to her is because she is someone who doesn’t need him and how scary it must be to actually be with somebody who doesn’t need you to complete them. Which I feel is a bit opposite of how she acted on the group date, but she is feeding and he is feasting, and I mean that in all that it implies. NEWSFLASH: He’s attracted to you because you’re young and that’s the temperature he prefers and you make him forget that he is 36. He is attracted to you for the same reason that Nick was attracted to Corinne, you have the youngest pussy in the house, do the math. I’m not judging. Treat yo self. This isn’t a philosophical teaching moment and it would be hard to sell it as one when every time you’re with him, either your tongue is down his throat or you look like your about to join the rodeo or both. Get it girl, just call it like it is.

He and Tia share some hay bales and moonshine. She’s still my fave. I think that she’s herself and she’s not trying to constantly sell a product. If she doesn’t win his hand, I’m pushing for her to be the next Bachelorette. Not that my voice travels far, but you never know. It seems that everyone is obsessed with who he has kissed or who is still waiting to be kissed, it’s becoming a lot of pressure and they’re all sitting around talking about it, which is not only weird, but it’s starting to make me uncomfortable. Annaliese is doing her best to create a moment, she takes him to the balcony and the conversation revolves around the fact that she wants to kiss him and oh me oh my oh, does it get awkward when he tells her that they just aren’t there yet. #thatstung Kendall comes and steals him away, leaving Annaliese pondering about her life and where it went wrong, well I’m quite sure she is anyway. Kendall gets the kiss, so I’m starting to think that Annaliese will not be changing her last name anytime soon. Matters aren’t getting helped when Marikh and Chelsea are advising her to be more assertive. Someone should enlighten them about the whole #metoo movement that has formed based on unwanted or unsolicited sexual contact. I’m not #teamarie, but he has made it clear that the relationship he has with Annaliese isn’t to a point where he’s ready for any sort of physical intimacy and for anyone to suggest that she go against his wishes is playing dirty. In the meantime, Jenna (I believe) is getting ready to give him a lap dance and she probably would have had her dress not been in the way. But instead of listening to reason and Arie, Annaliese decides to hang on to the word “yet” and see what it is he meant by it. If it’s this painful for me to watch this shit, I can only imagine how they must feel watching themselves back. #cringe All of the girls who gave her encouragement should be ashamed. I may not know what it is that’s about to happen (I’m re-capping as I watch), but I know she’s about to be embarrassed. And what do you know, she asked and he answered. Now she’s going home.

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly Recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

The Rose Ceremony is about to begin and I still have no idea of what became of Bibiana and the whole star gazing set-up. I’m beginning to feel very incomplete right now. She does reveal that she never even got the chance to speak with him. I would throw down a very bit “fuck that”, and as aggressive as she is, she should’ve moved in on him. Now her chance could be gone and she’s gonna be left with nothing but a telescope and a day bed. Bekah and Chelsea have group date roses and are safe. 

The Bachelor | It's Reality BXTCHES | Episode Re-Cap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Bekah M., NO AGE GIVEN-Nanny

Chelsea, 29-Real Estate Executive Assistant

Caroline, 26-Realtor

Kendall, 26-Creative Director

Ashley Luke, 25-Real Estate Agent

Lauren B., 25-Tech Sales

Brittany T., 30-Tech Recruiter

Becca K., 27-Publicist

Seinne, 27-Commercial Real Estate Manager

Krystal, 29-Fitness Coach

Tia, 26-Physical Therapist

Maquel, 23-Photographer

Jenna, 28-Social Media Manager

Jacquline, 26-Reasearch Coordinator

Marikh, 27-Restaurant Owner

The Bachelor | It's Reality BXTCHES | Episode Re-Cap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Lauren S., 31-Social Media Manager

Annaliese, 32-Event Designer

Bibiana, 30-Executive Assistant

The Bachelor | It's Reality BXTCHES | Episode Re-Cap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

“I just got the shit beat out of me a few days ago on a group date, so I’m really hoping that doesn’t happen again. But I’m willing to do what I have to do.” -Tia

“I want to make a good impression on Arie, but I’m getting my ass beat today.” -Jacqueline

“Oh my God, I’m literally gonna fucking kill Krystal.”. . .”Get off your high horse and stop being so condescending to everybody because you met his dog.” -Caroline

“Feel like Jesus needs to take the wheel.” -Bibiana

“I had planned something extremely special, but the devil is working OT man.” -Bibiana

“Get home safe.” -Arie

Let’s start at the end. It sucks that Bibiana went home. Actually what sucked about it is she was the only one that wasn’t given a rose during the ceremony. Up to this point, it was multiple people let down at one time, so I’m sure when that happens, it doesn’t hurt as badly. It also sucks that she put together a romantic spot and she never got to use it, but that alone screams ABC set this up. Because if I truly went out of my way to set up an area to star gaze, because that’s my thing, then he’s gonna know all about my effort and who did he really think set it up? When he arrived with Lauren, she didn’t claim it, he didn’t claim it, surely after putting those deduction skills to work, he could’ve assumed that it was another girl who was trying to impress him, so that makes him an ever bigger asshole. After her final confessional, I’m sure Valium was involved, because she is “broken” (her word). She talks about how this was her one chance to find real love. Clue in Bibiana, this is a T.V. show and while we hope that it works out, it usually doesn’t, which means if you were truly putting all of your love eggs into this basket, then that’s on you girl. 

I’m curious how much time there is between the announcement of who the next Bachelor is and the time that filming starts on the show. Did any of these girls do research? It didn’t take a ton of time for me to dig up the little bit I did on Arie and that was enough for me to probably forever be turned off. I do believe that some of the girls are all in regardless of what his background would’ve revealed. I’m not sure what could be worse than finding out that he’s a serial cheater who frequents sorority houses, but I guarantee you if there is something worse, Krystal and Chelsea would fight to the death for a chance to hear “I now pronounce you. . .”. And if he truly is this gem of a partner that the girls are constantly bragging about, then ABC is doing a poor job of putting that in the spotlight. Trust me, we need to see this because right now, nothing about him is appealing. There is zero alpha lying within him, which every girl needs a little bit of. So, if you want us to fall hard, it’s about time for us to see a different side. Which brings me to my next point.

Okay ABC, this experiment needs to go down as an epic fail. If Arie was the best you could come up with, then it’s time to turn to the free agency market. Surely there are men out there, who have never tried to woo any of your Bachelorettes, one who could set BachelorNation on fire. Turn to social media, hang out at a gym, hell go to Target, you are bound to find someone, but this season is becoming painful to watch.

The Bachelor airs on ABC Mondays. . .7pm CENTRAL/8pm EASTERN

 

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The Bachelor 2018 | Episode Two Re-Cap | 01.08.18

The Bachelor Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

The Bachelor Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

BXTCHES Gotta Warn: Okay, so don’t fret if you didn’t catch last weeks episode, there wasn’t much missed, just read the re-cap right here. In my opinion, the first episode is boring as fuck, but usually the highlight is being able watch the train wreck that is #WhiteGirlsGetWasted, but even that didn’t happen last week. It seems that maybe someone over at ABC finally started to heed advice and stop giving these girls IV’s loaded with liquor. Anyway, I’m working outside of my usual box today and am actually re-capping this episode as I watch it for the very first time. I was away on Monday and am just now able to tune in. So let’s go.

Last Week On: First, we need to met our Bachelor, because let’s face facts, when they said “Arie”, we said “who?” so a review was necessary. Next, we meet the 29 ladies who are vying for the title of Last BXTCH Standing. Even though this episode doesn’t send tingles from head to toe, there were a couple of things that I was able to take away from it. . .blonde white girls really do look alike. . .no fucks get given when you’re trying to fall in love. . .age really is just a number for the folks over at ABC. . . and “Do you see me talking? It is rude to interrupt” is not a phrase many of these ladies heard while growing up.

Tonight On: We’re gonna get (2) one-on-one dates and (1) group date.

I’m not sure who comes up with “What the Girls Will Do Today” bit that’s happening at the beginning of this episode, but surely I’m not the only one who finds it awkwardly strange that 20+ girls are hanging out, drinking champagne while waxing poetically about the one guy they all want a piece of. It all just has a big ole’ sleepover feel, but as Chris Harrison points out, that won’t last long. Once the date card gets dropped off, we learn that Becca K. is the envy of all, by being awarded the very first one-on-one date of the season.

One-On-One Date (#1): “Hold on tight” -Arie  |  That’s the clue and while it brought the fan girl screams out loud and proud, not every girl is as happy, namely. . .Chelsea. More About Becca Kurfin. She’s a 27 year old publicist from Minnesota and graduated from Minnesota State University in 2012. She lost her dad when she was just 19 years old (brain cancer) and her mom is in remission (breast cancer).  Now, originally I thought that Marquel’s ex-husband would be making an appearance to try and win her back, but rumor has it, it is actually Becca’s ex, Ross Jirgl, whom she dated on and off for seven years. Also, I don’t think her ABC promotional photo really does her beauty justice, she should’ve demanded a re-take. Now, back to our date. 

First order of business? Get Becca styled up by none other than Rachel Zoe. After giving Arie a private fashion show, it’s decided that Becca will get to keep all of what she tried on. I thought it was sweet and I would understand the excitement if she were trying on jeans and such but this BXTCH was trying on evening gowns. In what life would she have a need for one evening gown, much less five or six. . .but she was happy and I suppose that’s all that matters. Arie then dropped to one knee-and for those keeping count, that’s twice he has dropped to one knee for Becca, keep up the good work girl-to give her a pair of Christian Louboutin’s. Becca may need to watch her back, Chelsea’s may very well stab her with that stiletto if she feels that Becca is moving in on her step baby daddy. Arie surprises her one more time with some jewelry by Neil Lane, so if Chelsea can’t stab her with a stiletto she can choke the shit out of her with that diamond necklace. I suppose one benefit from the gifts would be to utilize them during Rose Ceremonies. By doing so she will be constantly reminding Arie of their date, without ever having to say a word. Once the champagne was cheered out and the kissing finally ceased, Becca makes her way back to the mansion to drop off her gifts and make the girls jealous while she gets ready for the night.

They meet up at the Hudson Loft and everything about Becca screams BLING!, but I’ll admit, she was looking good. Conversation flows very easy between the two, though I think Becca was a bit more at ease than Arie. They discuss Arie’s run on The Bachelorette and what his passions are, we learn that he is able to fix the brakes on Becca’s car, so score one for Mr. Racecar. It may be too early to call, but he seems very smitten with Becca, so I definitely see her sticking around for a while. She does discuss her ex and the passing of her dad. She mentions her family and is stoked that he is close to his, because that’s something that is important to her. It’s not gonna take a whole lot of brain power to realize that she is definitely getting herself a rose tonight. They do kiss a lot, like a lot a lot. Arie does confess to the camera that this date was the perfect first date. You may wanna go ahead and move Becca Kurfin to your final four, that part of the bracket may be set.

Meanwhile at the mansion: We find Krystal, Chelsea, and Seinne sitting around discussing how jealous they are of Becca’s motorcycle ride with Arie. Well, Chelsea is really the one green with envy, but more so because Becca gets to put her hands on Arie. Now, it’s time for Krystal to enlighten us all on her fear of motorcycles and she starts with her dad being in a really bad motorcycle accident, but she has also seen a lot of people who were either “killed, injured, or lost body parts” due to motorcycle accidents. There is so much happening in that one statement, I don’t even know where to go with it. I’m not saying that it isn’t true, but in my 41 years on earth, I don’t even know that many people who have been in car accidents, forget about motorcycle accidents, so for the love of Jax Teller, for her to not only know lots of people who have been injured because of a motorcycle, but for them to fall into those three categories seems a bit out of touch for me. She did say that had she been chosen for the date, she would’ve had a moment with Arie to explain her fears. I would think that surely there is something they fill out asking if there is anything that they absolutely would not do and if her life has been impacted so negatively by motorcycles, I hope that riding a motorcycle would be a hard limit for her, but I’m willing to bet that she would’ve opened those legs far and wide to get a feel of that vibration.

Still at the Mansion: While sitting around waiting for the next date card, the girls do what every group of girls who happen to be dating the same guy would do. . .and that’s discuss how well he kisses with those pillow lips of his of course. I’m not sure what it is that they are referring to when that classify his lips as “pillows”, I think of a pillow as soft and fluffy, not soft and thin, maybe they should try the descriptor silky or how about just soft. Can you imagine the gab fest that will go down if one of these ladies gets to feel his dick? Good Lord, can you imagine the descriptors? “Aww. . .isn’t it cute?” What every guy wants to hear. Anyway, the next date card arrives and Arie throws a curve ball because while most were expecting a group date card, a one-on-one arrives and who is the lucky lady? Krystal.

One-On-One Date (#2):“Home is where the heart is.” -Arie  |  More about Krystal Nielson. She is 29 years old and from Montana (but resides in California). She graduated from Boise State University and currently works for Orange Theory Fitness. And hold onto your shit for this next one. Her phobia’s include spiders and sharks and she is also afraid of. . .wait for it. . .unused potential. I now know I am gonna need some strength to make it through this season and possibly something to dislodge my eyeballs as I roll them into the back of my head. Well, the red carpet gets rolled out and a private jet gets fired up as they head to Arie’s hometown. Good thing she doesn’t know anyone who has lost body parts due to a plane crash or this date would be taking a different turn. But, we are gonna need to stop the bus plane right here for a hot second. This date is not a good idea and someone who is 36 years old should know better. I’m not judging. . .who am I kidding, I kinda am, but by taking Krystal back to his hometown, he’s gonna extract a serious clinger from the depths of her soul, one that when released there will be no coming back from. The plane hasn’t even been boarded and she has already commented on how meaningful it must be to him. Mark my words BXTCHES, she is about to lay some claim to this fucker. He starts with a tour of Scottsdale. . .first job. . .first kiss. . .high school, you know the important spots. Then he actually takes her to his house. We’re not even two full episodes in yet and she’s mentally moving herself in to his home. What the fuck happened to just going to Chili’s and a movie OR dancing OR karaoke, simplicity isn’t all that bad. I just feel as though he is sharing an awfully intimate part of him for a first date and when she is one of 20 women competing for his bed space, he’s putting a whole lot of hope inside of her imagination. And trust a BXTCH, when he brings her home to meet his family, the wedding plans are already internally being made. But in real life, how many women are gonna be just fine with a first date that includes meeting the parents? Crazy bitches, that’s who.

The only thing really freaking Krystal out at this point is the fact that she did not grow up in a close knit family like Arie did and she is worried that because of that, it will turn Arie away. I don’t want to pull out my  mom card but, if that would wind up being the case, then girl, it’s time to step. Ain’t nobody got time for that. And you know what? I would understand this type of insecurity from like a 21 year old, but for someone who is knocking on the door of 30, she should be well seasoned enough to know that if a man, a 36 year old man, cuts you looses because of you’re family or lack thereof, then fuck them. Well any who, the evening does bring about some deep conversation. Krystal goes into how her parents divorced when she was really young and how her relationship with her father is non-existent and her mother, while she raised her, was never there for her emotionally.  STOP RIGHT HERE: Let’s rewind a bit, back to her sharing her motorcycle horrors with Chelsea and Seinne and she mentions that one of the reasons she hates motorcycles is because her dad was in a really bad motorcycle accident. . .but now is talking with Arie about how she doesn’t have a relationship with her dad. . . .I’m starting to pick up on some vibes and they ain’t good. She is really trying to sell a childhood not only lacking in love, but one that lacked in material things as well, she tells a story about saving up Christmas and birthday money just so she could buy herself a comforter. It’s almost as if her mind went blank when it came time to go in for the kill. She could’ve said something like clothes or shoes or food for the family, but the went with comforter. I didn’t really understand where the story was even supposed to go, I thought she was going to say something like. . .so she could feel warmth because she never got any from her mom. . .but the story ended right there and she moved onto her brother and the story of him living on the streets. I know I’m a cynic, but let’s play a game of “Merrie, you really are a bitch” real quick. While telling her life story, you could hear the emotion, but it seemed like (to me) she was trying to force some sort of an ugly cry, her eyes watered a bit, but nothing fell. Later in the group date, Annaliese goes into an ugly cry over a traumatic bumper car experience and yes, it’s as fucking ridiculous as it sounds. So, I’m not saying what Krystal said isn’t true, but she does have some sort of relationship with her mom, there is a YouTube video that she made with her brother and maybe a sister, wishing their mom a happy birthday and how sad they were that they couldn’t be with her. It was full of love, not animosity. Also, call me old fashioned, but there ain’t no way I’m exposing that much of myself on a first date. That motherfucker is gonna have to earn my history. You gotta make them fall to the point of no return regardless of your history. I’m not saying that he should cut her loose by learning this information, but right now there is no deep connection for him. . .just a first date and baggage is baggage and he could always start to think that hers is just a bit too heavy to carry around. No worries, he assures her that her past is not her fault and he believes that she is a very loving person. How he knows that is anyone’s guess. Shocker, she gets the rose and a kiss. The date ends with a serenade from Connor Duermit, and I have no clue who that is, but it was a beautiful song. And as one would predict, every season there’s that one contestant who has struggled with love and opening up their whole life, but one date with the Bachelor/ette, all doors get knocked down, Krystal is our girl this year. She has stayed away from love for so long, but after one date with Arie, she’s ready to break through her past and take a chance. After one date. With cameras. But still just one date. Man, T.V. really does change you.

Once back in the mansion, the girls are begging for Krystal to share the deets of her date. In the confessional, she does believe that she currently has the strongest relationship with Arie and she has no interest in divulging what went down in Scottsdale. 

Group Date: Maquel, Marikh, Tia, Valerie, Annaliese, Lauren G., Kendall, Bekah M., Jenny, Seinne, Jenna, Caroline, Brittany, Bibiana, and Chelsea. “Let’s hit love head on.” -Arie  |  The girls arrive at a racetrack and instead of Arie just whipping it out, he decides to seduce them from behind the wheel of a derby car because nothing says “I have a small dick” more that spinning around and kicking up dust on a racetrack, maybe that’s why he is (supposedly) so good at kissing. The only way it could’ve been more cliché is if he would’ve shown up in a monster truck. They’re gonna compete in a demolition derby, which is one way to eliminate the competition, and they even get to decorate cars of their very own. Though I’m not sure if “decorate” is the word that would be used in a real demolition derby, but hey, this is The Bachelor and somebody actually did decorate their car with polka dots, so there you go, decorate it is. It doesn’t take long for tears to start pouring, thank you Annaliese for providing us with a moment that should go down in Bachelor history. I don’t know how this story came to be, I’m just glad it did. Apparently, a demolition derby is her worse nightmare and it all stems from bumper cars as a kid. As a child her bumper car got stuck and because people continued bumping into her, the nightmare has never left the recesses of her mind. Oh the horror, bumping into her bumper car. Oh, and it’s not just the bumper cars that brings about the terror, carnival lights and sounds will do it as well. #fuckingwhitepeople But guess whose bumper car tragedy does the trick? That BXTCH ain’t dumb, she knows by having a breakdown, Arie was gonna come running and try to calm her down. It’s time for my very own Dear Arie letter. Look, there are so many things going on with this bumper car experience, I’m not sure where to even start, so I’ll tug your dick for a minute, metaphorically of course. If a bumper car carnival ride caused some PTSD for Annaliese, severe enough that she is still struggling with it as an adult, then I promise you, you’re most likely not ever gonna get your dick in her mouth (imagine what kind of horrible memories that could trigger), and there will never be an anniversary or birthday special enough for anal to ever be an option. It will only ever be the mattress, her back, and you between her legs, not your head, just you. Good luck there Chief.

What Arie should realize is if this woman is in full on cry mode over some fucking bumper cars from years ago, the crazy ain’t buried that deep, and he needs to cut it loose. And once you think that she is calm, because Arie has stroked her a bit and she’s put on the protective gear, so all should be good, she then sees the fire extinguishers and looses it again. It makes more sense for her to loose it if she didn’t see the fire extinguishers. Seeing them at least indicates preparation. And for the record, Arie did tell her that she didn’t have to compete, but how ever will she get Arie to hold her if she went that route? For someone who thought that the end of her life was coming down so hard, that she was close to walking towards the light, she sure didn’t show fear when she started to t-bone BXTCHES all over the track, but in the end Seinne took out the most and is declared the winner.

It shouldn’t surprise anyone that Chelsea scoops him up first and her motive (allegedly) is to fill him in on her son. Here’s where my curiosity starts to flame up. I did do a bit of research on Chelsea’s baby daddy (more details on that later) but it does appear that he is an active part of the kid’s life. So much so, that (allegedly) he refused to sign the paperwork that would allow his son to be on T.V. So here’s my question. If Arie picks Chelsea in the end, is he moving to Maine? Because I highly doubt she is going to be allowed to move to Arizona with her son. If the baby daddy isn’t going to sign permission for him to be on the show, he’s surely not going to give permission for him to move across the country. But, Arie doesn’t seem to give any indication that her being a mom would cause problems. He shows this by shoving his tongue down her throat. Seinne carries a pretty remarkable resume. She’s actually lived in Scottsdale, she went to Yale, she’s studied abroad. . .brains + beauty = the whole package. Arie was impressed, enough so that their tongues did make an introduction and it was as awkward as I just made it sound. As he is flying though his one-on-one time with the girls, the anger is brewing in Bibiana. But there were 15 girls on this date, that’s a lot of spit and a lot of stories that need to get shared. By the time the end comes, she has already worked herself up and decides that storming off is her best bet. She is certainly someone who could’ve benefited from a shot or possibly twenty. Arie is clearly taken with Bekah and I certainly have a theory for why that is, but I’m gonna hold onto that until later. The conversation was mostly non-verbal and I’m quite certain that they could both taste what the other had for dinner. That Arie is one slick cat, he made Chelsea really think he was going to give her the rose, but then turned around and gave it to Seinne. Mama was clearly not happy. It was fun times.

Brittany gets her turn first, mainly because she got injured during the derby and Arie needed to make sure that she was okay. But hey, whatever it takes to snag his attention and leave an impression. Because of her badass driving skills, Arie does present her with a “Most Hardcore” award. I personally think there is some underlying connotation there, but regardless, who doesn’t love to receiving awards. Him and Bekah do seem to have chemistry and I’m telling you BXTCHES, if they could’ve gotten away and rubbed one out of each other, we would’ve been hearing their cries of pleasure. I like Bibiana, but that BXTCH is starting to stress me out. I’m no expert, but if it’s this difficult and the games have just begun, then you may wanna just peace on out. He has already made some connections with a handful of the girls, connections that are deeper than what she has established, so I think it’s safe to say that Bibiana may survive tonight, but she will not be around much longer. Krystal does pull a move that very well may get that bitch smacked down, she already has a rose, so her night should be stress free, but she thinks that she needs to continue her one-on-one time with Arie and does so by interrupting Lauren B’s conversation with him. Emily Post would’ve been proud when Arie told Krystal to step the fuck back. . .okay, he was actually a bit nicer, but the point was made. And truth. . .I almost puked a little when Arie steps back inside and Krystal gives him a “hi baby”. And, while outside, she is all “I missed you. Did you miss me?” First, the baby voice makes me want to punch her in her puss, JFC it’s like she’s never met a man before. I’m telling y’all, she has already named their kids. Thank fuck, Bibiana finally gets her turn. Funny enough, for as long as she’s been waiting for just a chance to talk to Arie and get to know him, she’s stumped when he tells her to ask him something. But some weave is about to fly when Krystal decides to interrupt Bibiana for some more time with Arie, but Bibiana moves up on my list when she tells her no. And with my hand to the Good Lord, Krystal is literally standing on the other side of the door when they walk through it. #thatbitchisbrave No worries, Bibiana schools her well.

 

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly Recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Seinne, Becca K., and Krystal are sitting pretty, they have already been handed their roses. Now it’s time to find out who else will get to continue the battle for Arie and everything that it implies. The Bachelor | It's Reality BXTCHES | Episode Re-Cap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Becca K., 27-Publicist

Krystal, 29-Fitness Coach

Seinne, 27-Commercial Real Estate Manager

Maquel, 23-Photographer

Jacquline, 26-Reasearch Coordinator

Bekah M., NO AGE GIVEN-Nanny

Jenna, 28-Social Media Manager

Chelsea, 29-Real Estate Executive Assistant

Lauren S., 31-Social Media Manager

Tia, 26-Physical Therapist

 

 

Annaliese, 32-Event Designer

Lauren B., 25-Tech Sales

Kendall, 26-Creative Director

Brittany T., 30-Tech Recruiter

Ashley Luke, 25-Real Estate Agent

Marikh, 27-Restaurant Owner

Caroline, 26-Realtor

Bibiana, 30-Executive Assistant

The Bachelor | It's Reality BXTCHES | Episode Re-Cap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Lauren G., 26-Executive Recruiter

Valerie, 25-Server

Jenny, 25-Graphic Designer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you Jenny for providing me with the quote of the night.

The Bachelor | It's Reality BXTCHES | Episode Re-Cap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

“Hopefully I can hold onto his arms.” -Becca K.                                                                                              “Hold onto something girl.” -Lauren G.

“Oh my God, they are gonna get married.” -Bibiana                                                                                       “Yep.” -Tia

“This is like some redneck shit.” -Tia

“I didn’t know bumper car trauma was a thing.” -Jenny

“She went to Yale. I barely graduated high school and worked at Pizza Hut.” -Arie

“If I go home tonight, good luck Krystal. I would sleep with one eye open.” -Bibiana

“Yeah, I’m not sad about you. I’m sad about leaving my new friends.” -Jenny

 

I’ve been doing some research and I have no idea how much truth there is to what I’ve learned (read about it here), but word around town is that Arie is a cheating scum bag. And this is coming from several sources. Arie has already confessed on this season that he has not been in love since Emily, but it wasn’t long after he met Jenna Jones that the two were living together and allegedly professing his love via Instagram. I’m not saying that one needs to be in love before sharing a permanent bed, but there had to be some feelings. Then there’s Sydney Stempfley. They were together for about a year and even met one another’s families. They celebrated their one year anniversary in July (2017) and later that month, he broke it off over the phone (allegedly). She was completely shocked when he was announced as the next Bachelor, especially because she asked him point blank about the rumor and he denied it. Not a crime, but here is where things get interesting. Apparently Arie dated Courtney Robertson (The Bachelor season 16) and according to her book, I Didn’t Come Here To Make Friends: Confessions of a Reality Show Villain, Arie cheated on her the entire time they were together. Buckle up, it’s about to get juicy. Jef Holm is the one who ultimately won Emily’s heart, leaving Arie to come in second place. Now, Jef and Arie turned out to be really good friends, until they weren’t. Jef tweeted the following back in September (2017). . .

He also tweeted telling Chris Harrison that he would donate $5k to the charity of Chris Harrison’s choice if Arie makes it a year with the one he hands the final rose to. But here is where things get judgy. Pay attention to the sorority house comment above, because according to a Reddit user, sorority houses are a frequent hangout for Arie. . .where he likes to sex up the 18 year olds. . .he’s in his 30’s. . .read about these allegations here. Which would mean that Bekah’s age isn’t gonna be a concern to Arie at all. It also seems that even Reality Steve isn’t a huge fan of this pick. . .

 

It’s gonna be very interesting to see where all of this heads and how many more will start coming out of the woodwork and everyone vying for his heart deserves to know his history. Because someone who enjoys a buffet of pussy, will always need a bit of variety for his dick.

I’m not sure what is actually happening during the filming of this show that makes women want to cut a BXTCH (next week seems like some may need something stronger than a drink) or what it is that brings out someone’s inner baby voice (so not sexy) or what makes one believe that their life is over if Arie doesn’t fall in love with them and we’re only two full episodes in. And all of this drama over a man they barely know. So, I think it’s time for the Queen BXTCH (that’s me) to break some stuff down. I understand that the circumstances on this show are special, but some things are what they are regardless if you’re meeting someone in a bar or you’re standing in a mansion about to collapse because you don’t know if you’re getting a rose. Chemistry is a real thing and usually one would know almost right from the get go if it’s there or not. Physical attraction is important, but if things don’t flow organically, then it’s usually not gonna work. For example, Bekah will be around for a hot minute. I don’t think she will get the final rose, but their sexual chemistry is beginning to build and he is a man, so he’s gonna want to see where that particular chemistry will lead. Becca is another that may be around, maybe even to the end. There chemistry is about ease. They’re very comfortable around one another and seem to fall into place like a seasoned couple. I’m torn about whether Krystal will be around for a while or not (Oh good and plenty, I hope not), there’s reasons for why she would and some for why she won’t. She is very well practiced at making him feel like he is a precious commodity and that can sometimes be an attractive trait, there are a lot of things that men like to have stroked and their ego happens to be one of them, and by the looks of it, Krystal knows how to give a stellar ego job. However, it can also be overdone and she is walking that line with a lot of wobble. The baby voice paired with the “I missed you’s” means that it’s not gonna be long before she is professing her love and she’s gonna be stuck to him with the strength of a thousand magnets. So her length of stay is going to depend on whether or not Arie likes that type of girl. My guess? No, because that type of girl needs to know it all, from who’s calling/texting to what did his mom want when she called and that’s a hard life to live for someone who likes a little variety in the bedroom. We’ll discuss some more next week because we still have to talk about Chelsea and Marquel. So stay tuned. 

 

The Bachelor airs on ABC Mondays. . .7pm CENTRAL/8pm EASTERN

 

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The Bachelor 2018 | Episode One Re-Cap | 01.01.18

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The Bachelor Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.comBXTCHES Gotta Warn: I feel like I should first issue an apology. This BXTCH kinda let shit just fall apart at the end of Rachel’s season and didn’t finish. Truth be told, I did have a lot of stuff going on and I did pull the same stunt towards the end of Big Brother, so I did at least spread the procrastination. But, in case you were relying on my re-cap to bring you whose hand Rachel did accept, well spoiler alert. . .it was Bryan. Now that we have that behind us, I think I speak on behalf of a pretty good chunk of BachelorNation when I say “Who the fuck is Arie and what did y’all do with Peter.” There was a collective heartbreak across America when Rachel broke Peter’s heart, but we mended the crack with the hope of Peter being named the next Bachelor, but ABC flipped us all the finger and went a route none of us saw coming.

I still don’t know who Arie really is. I didn’t watch his season of The Bachelorette and I suppose I could’ve done a bit of research, but the motivation just was not there. Although I did hear that he was the runner-up, so there is that. Maybe I feel like the spark is missing. And the more I watch the teasers for the show, the more I’m starting to believe that the sole reason Arie was picked is because ABC is able to use phrases like “JanuArie”. #cuetheeyeroll

We’ll discuss Arie a bit more later, right now we need to get to the business of meeting the 29 girls ready to cut a bitch for the chance to win his heart. Now, the first episode of the season is my least favorite. To have to watch women come up with “clever” (I use that term very loosely) ways to impress The Bachelor makes this BXTCH wanna cut a bitch. Look ladies, most of the work is done. . .you’ve made it to the introduction. . .all you need to do is make sure that your hair extensions have been tightened up, your lashes are secure and your tits are on point, you should know how to do the rest. Unless your usual MO is pulling up to a bar in a race car OR asking a guy to drop to his knees immediately after exchanging introductions OR asking a guy if he has a small weiner, while handing him a small weiner, okay that one was actually funny, then you should be reading from a somewhat familiar playbook. What I’m trying to say is this, if you put the work in and look the part, the rest will usually fall into place, even if your nerves are threatening to take over, it will at least come across as being sincere. And for the love of #feminism, please stop with the fangirling when you do actually meet The Bachelor. C’mon, this could be the man you’re about to marry, if your gonna fangirl at all, at least wait until the guy crawls between your legs and gives you something to fangirl over. You’re welcome.

Ali Harrington, 27-Personal Stylist

Amber Wilkerson, 29-Business Owner

Annaliese Puccini, 32-Event Designer

Ashley Luebke, 25-Real Estate Agent

 

Becca Kurfin, 27-Publicist

Bekah Martinez, NO AGE GIVEN-Nanny

Bibiana Julian, 30-Executive Assistant

Bri Amaranthus, 25-Sports Reporter


Brittane Johnson, 27-Marketing Manager

 

Brittany Taylor, 30-Tech Recruiter

Caroline Lunny, 26-Realtor

Chelsea Roy, 29-Real Estate Executive Assistant

Jacquline Trumbull, 26-Reasearch Coordinator

Jenna Cooper, 28-Social Media Manager

Jenny, 25-Graphic Designer

Jessica Carroll, 26-Television Host

Kendall Long, 26-Creative Director

Krystal Nielson, 29-Fitness Coach

Lauren Burnham, 25-Tech Sales

Lauren G., 26-Executive Recruiter

Lauren Jarreau, 33-Recent Masters Graduate

Lauren Schleyer, 31-Social Media Manager

Maquel Cooper, 23-Photographer

Marikh Mathias, 27-Restaurant Owner

Nysha Norris, 30-Orthopedic Nurse

Olivia Goethals, 23-Marketing Associate

Seinne Fleming, 27-Commercial Real Estate Manager

Tia Booth, 26-Physical Therapist

Valerie Biles, 25-Server

Some fun facts. . .Brittane Johnson was on the reality show Ex-Isle, the same reality show that Blake and Lucas (Waboom) from Rachel’s season were cast-members. . .Annaliese Puccini is an actress/writer who has an IMBD page (check it out here). . .Bibiana Julian is a former Miami Dolphins Cheerleader who was featured in FHM magazine back in 2007 as America’s Sexiest Cheerleader. . .hopefully I’ll have more fun facts to come.

Arie is 36 years old, the average age of the cast is 26, with the youngest being 23 (though rumor has it Bekah could be 22-no age is listed) and the oldest being 33. 

Before we get to the good (another word I’m using loosely here) stuff, can we take a moment and for once admit that white girls look alike. It’s almost as if ABC wasn’t really checking too many boxes, but if you’re blonde and your hair flows freely down your back-you in girl. #disappointed However it is nice to see that we have EIGHT women of color represented. #canthaveitall

Because it’s been five long years since Arie was a fixture on Monday nights, ABC did give us a bit of a re-cap on his Bachelorette run, all the way down to the break-up. I didn’t watch his season, but here is what I now know. . .he appeared on season 8 of the show. . .Emily Maynard was The Bachelorette. . .he finished 2nd, behind Jef Holm (who won and eventually lost) and in front of Sean Lowe, who went on to star on The Bachelor (season 17) and find love. I guess it’s also no coincidence that ABC pulled in Sean Lowe as the one to give Arie pre-season advice. Even though it’s been a while since Emily broke Arie’s heart, he claims that he hasn’t been in love since and even though The Bachelorette was/is his biggest heartbreak, it did prove that he could fall deeply in love (on T.V.). #fingerscrossed We do learn that while racing may still be a part of his life, his career is now in real estate.

The Bachelor/Ette | It's Reality BXTCHES | Episode Re-Cap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.comNow it’s time for the worse part of the season. It’ll be boring as hell for me to go through one by one, so the best thing for me to do is grab the most interesting. Chelsea Roy from Portland, Maine may be one to watch. She is in real estate and a single mom to Sammy and when she says that she is looking for another good man to be in her life and one to show Sammy what it is to be a father. . .I’m gonna go ahead and assume that the baby daddy is non-existent. She’s hoping that since Arie has already competed for the heart of a single mom (Emily), there is a point sitting in her pro column. Caroline Lunny is in real estate as well, which she points out as a common thread for her and Arie, little does she know how common that thread will become, and no worries, she did grow up around cars, so call off the search, she has been found. Maquel Cooper is on the young side at just 23, but that’s just the tip, so to speak. It seems that the Utah native has already been married and divorced. But interestingly in her featurette, she says things like. . .“One day I’ll find love.”. . .“I wanna be married.”. . .“I really want to find someone to share a life with.” Oh, it gets better. Apparently her ex-husband, Josh Munday, wants her back. They were high school sweethearts who, according to him, just got married too early. And he already has Maquel fitted for her chastity belt, claiming that her conservative Mormon background will not have her hopping into the fantasy suite with the race car driver (see the interview, here). Tia Booth is a physical therapist from Weiner, AK. Her tie to the Bachelor world is Raven Gates (Nick’s season). Her and Tia are good friends and it’s because of Raven that Tia is giving reality love a shot. Kendall Long plays the ukulele and collects taxidermy, but does wonder why she has yet to have a relationship last more than a year. Who wants to break the news? We meet Marikh Mathias, a 27 year old restaurant owner, while she is working out with her trainer. . .with a full face of make-up, lashes and all. Really? That’s a sure sign that, that BXTCH has something to hide. However, we do meet her mom, cooking in a restaurant kitchen, also with a full face of make-up. Again, really? So the apple does not fall far. She is however, pulling a pretty strong Kim K. vibe. It seems that every season has at least one and Krystal Nielson is the this year’s resident personal trainer. She does have her own YouTube channel (here), but with only 32 subscribers and 7 videos, not a lot of attention is being paid to the upkeep. On a more philanthropic note, once she found out that her brother was living on the streets, she was spurred into providing some help for the homeless.

Caroline is first out of the limo and girlfriend took the expression #titsup very literal. Her girls are screaming to be noticed. Job well done. Seinne (also works in real estate) is the first to come bearing gifts. Elephant cuff links, her favorite animal, to be exact. Tia gifts Arie with a little weiner. I’m just gonna leave that right there. Britt stuck a “Nice Butt” bumper sticker to his ass, because while you’re not supposed to put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari, putting it on an Arie is just fine. Get it. Super fucking funny, huh? When our health and fitness guru steps out, she decides that Arie needs a little wellness prayer. On a side note: Every year I wonder how is it possible for so many attractive individuals to be yearning for love so badly that T.V. is where they go to find it. You always ask the age old question “how are you single?” and every year I’m able to figure it out within the first 30 minutes of episode one. Let’s continue. Bekah shows up in a classic car (insert whatever brand you imagine here), telling Arie that “I may be young, but I can still appreciate something classic.” In my head she’s calling him the classic AKA old, but he seemed to interpret it a bit different. Bekah was one of the very few to admit that she didn’t know a whole lot about our Bachelor. Becca K. proved that friends are missing in her life, since not one told her it would look ridiculous for her to have him drop down to a knee as an introduction. Because that’s what she did. Good Golly Miss Molly, I would love to watch some of these ladies put their moves to work in a bar. Someone brilliant over at ABC decided to maybe save some trouble and put all of the Lauren’s into one limo. Lauren S. was followed by Lauren J., who brought him Mardi Gras beads as a clue as to where she is from. Did you say New Orleans? Yeah, you’re wrong, she’s actually from a small town near there, I still don’t know the name of it, but Happy Mardi Gras. Lauren B. is out next, followed by Lauren G., so in case you’re keeping track, that’s four Lauren’s. Ashley brings a fucking racing flag, because you know. . .he’s a racer. It was as if she asked the limo driver to stop at Hobby Lobby because she forgot her prop. Brittany T. attempted to woo him with some Dutch, but I’m thinking she picked up a book while Ashley was running into Hobby Lobby, because she may have meant for it to be sexy, but it came across as a small child who just learned to count in Spanish. Arie almost gave her a “you did so good” compliment. One would think it couldn’t get much worse. . .one would be wrong. Amber decides that the following is great “pick-up” material, hold tight, I’m going for verbatim here. . .“I own a spray tan company”. . .“Yeah, so you can imagine in my line of work, I see a lot of dick.”. . .“And I’m just hoping you’re not one.” And just when you begin to think that it couldn’t get any lower than Amber talking about the amount of dicks she sees, out steps Ali. What could Ali possibly have done? This bitch actually had him sniff her pits. Here’s the thing, I don’t know what’s worse, her asking or him actually doing. Last, but I suppose not least, is Maquel. She arrives in a race car, for the race car driver. She wasn’t driving it, she just got dropped off, but it made all the other girls jealous, so mission accomplished.

Chelsea does a good job at body positioning, because she puts herself right next to Arie when he makes his appearance and by doing so, she takes him first. She plays the mystery card and tells him that sacrifices were made for her to be there, but she’s not going into detail about those sacrifices (ahem, she has a kid). I think it’s really just a way to keep him wanting more. It may not sit well with the other 28, but so far, it’s working for her. She gets interrupted by Maquel, which triggered something in the single momma, so look out for a Chelsea vs. Maquel showdown. Brittany T. pulled some strings and brought in some hot wheels for a bit of a race. It seems #cliche is the theme of the night. But once again, it was something that worked, because she found herself attached to his lips and according to her, his lips are “like clouds, like pillows”, but no tongue, she didn’t want to seem too aggressive. Lauren G. food tested him with a pineapple, telling him that is her safe word, a little advice to Lauren G., I don’t think Arie is the kind of guy you would need a safe word with. Now, you may need a code word to kink it up a bit, but I think as for as “safe”, you’re good girl. There is a reason for my theory, hear me out. Jenna decides to give Arie a little pedi and Arie decides to label Jenna as “wild”. Yeah, this man ain’t throwing no one up against anything but a mattress. #straightvanillaBXTCHES We have now made it to the point in the night where the freak out has begun. The first impression rose has made its appearance, and the women are beginning to kick it up a notch. . .or twenty. It’s not only about who is going to make the last impression, but who has yet to make one at all. Some are kicking back and keeping their cool, just waiting their turn, while others are busy surveying to find out who has yet to be interviewed. Others, well one in particular, decide that one conversation just isn’t gonna be enough. So while Arie is busy trying to get to know Krystal, Chelsea walks up and whisks him away. On a side note: Everyone wants to sit and complain about being interrupted, which I agree is rude, but if it’s really that big of an issue, then tell a bitch no. She can sit and wait her turn like everyone else. Of course, just once I would love to see the Bachelor/ette tell one of the contestants just how rude it is to interrupt someone when they are speaking. Hello. . .parenting 101. But regardless of how you feel, Chelsea succeeds, her tongue is the first of the season to meet Arie’s. I’m actually torn on this particular action, but I’ll talk more about that in my Final Thoughts. I can say that even though Chelsea is most certainly the first villain of the season, she is also the one to land the very coveted First Impression Rose. 

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly Recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

So, we know that Chelsea is safe, but who else tightened Arie’s pants just a bit. Here are the one’s given roses this week. . .

Annaliese, 32-Event Designer

Ashley L., 25-Real Estate Agent

Becca K., 27-Publicist

Bekah M., NO AGE GIVEN-Nanny

Bibiana, 30-Executive Assistant

Brittany T., 30-Tech Recruiter

Caroline, 26-Realtor

Chelsea, 29-Real Estate Executive Assistant

Jacquline, 26-Reasearch Coordinator

Jenna, 28-Social Media Manager

Jenny, 25-Graphic Designer

Kendall, 26-Creative Director

Krystal, 29-Fitness Coach

Lauren B., 25-Tech Sales

Lauren G., 26-Executive Recruiter

Lauren S., 31-Social Media Manager

Maquel, 23-Photographer

Marikh, 27-Restaurant Owner

Seinne, 27-Commercial Real Estate Manager

Tia, 26-Physical Therapist

Valerie, 25-Server

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Bachelor | It's Reality BXTCHES | Episode Re-Cap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Ali, 27-Personal Stylist

Amber, 29-Business Owner

Bri, 25-Sports Reporter

Brittane J., 27-Marketing Manager

Jessica, 26-Television Host

Lauren J., 33-Recent Masters Graduate

Nysha, 30-Orthopedic Nurse

Olivia, 23-Marketing Associate

The Bachelor | It's Reality BXTCHES | Episode Re-Cap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

“. . .the point is, the guy’s a catch. And we’ve found some truly extraordinary women, from across America, who want to meet him.” -Chris Harrison

“His tongue is like, so huge.” -Kendall

“I hope Arie’s ready for my spice.” -Marikh

“Please tell me that you don’t already have a little weiner?” -Tia                                                               “I do not have this. So you did good.” -Arie

“Damn, that was a sexy entrance, in a sexy car and I walked out with a little weiner.” -Tia

As of today, I’m am planting the flag for #teamtia. I am still of the mindset that Nick screwed the pooch when he picked Vanessa over Raven. But all things do happen for a reason and now Raven has found love with Adam. So it should stand to reason that Tia is going to be a favorite. Now, I’m thinking that Bekah may have somewhat of a Corinne effect. She has yet to reveal her age, but she does have to be at least 21 to be on the show and with what little research I did, rumor has it she’s 22, which is super young, but Arie does seem to be somewhat smitten with her. I also think that Caroline may go far, but that’s all I got so far. Hopefully next week, I can add more to the list. 

Chelsea is going to be the talk for several episodes and I already know that she is not going to rank high for me. I’m going against everything I really believe in by saying she is the wrong kind of person for this show. And I mean desperate. She is desperate for it all. . .a husband. . .a baby daddy. . .a man of the house. First, I don’t think she would even be on the show if she didn’t have a kid. Just based on how aggressive she is on the first night, it is clear that she needs and is looking for that role to be filled ASAP. I don’t yet know how I feel about single parents being on the show. It’s not that I’m necessarily against it, but I do think that maybe they should carry themselves a bit differently. Shoving your tongue down a complete strangers mouth on national T.V. is one thing if your single and have yet to pass a child through your cooch, but once that breach has been made, better decisions need to be close behind. And we all know that the only reason she even swapped the spit was because she heard everyone talking about how Brittany T. had already kissed him. Look Chelsea, just calm the fuck down a bit, you’re gonna have to let Arie be the alpha if you have any hope in claiming him as your step baby daddy.

I don’t yet know how I feel about this particular Bachelor. I know BachelorNation wasn’t thrilled over Nick, but since I never watched him on The Bachelorette, I didn’t get or understand the villain vibe. In fact, I thought Nick was fucking hot and truth be told, that’s what we’re all looking at initially, right? I think Arie seems very nice, I just haven’t gotten the toe curling vibe from him yet. It could come, I’m just terribly confused on why go back five years when you had beauty staring you right in the face. . .in the name of Peter. 

Next week, we’re gonna have to discuss the age of some of these girls and it’s also time to discuss Maquel. Maquel who is 23 and has already been married and divorced. Maquel whose ex-husband is wanting his woman back. So, stay tuned.

The Bachelor airs on ABC Mondays. . .7pm CENTRAL/8pm EASTERN

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Big Brother 19 | Wednesday Re-Cap | 08.02.17

Big Brother 19 | Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Big Brother 19 | Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.comBXTCHES Gotta Warn: Fuck me runnin’, this show is becoming too much. Not too much that I’m gonna stop tuning in. . .let’s not get crazy. . .just too much in terms of, this BXTCH may need something a bit stronger than iced tea to get through it. I am super far behind right now (like a whole week), but life combined with some laziness has put me in the weeds. I will do my best to power through the entire week tonight, so I will be totally caught up for tomorrow night’s episode (that’s Wednesday 8/9). Let’s do this.

Last Time On: After Paul claimed the HOH position once again, he decided to call Jessica’s bluff and put her and Cody up for eviction. The first of three Temptation Competitions takes place with Mark coming in first, earning safety for the week and Jason finishing last, becoming the third nominee.

Tonight On: Power of Veto competition goes down.

FULL DISCLOSURE: A lot of shit happens during this episode and those of you who tune into the Live Feeds may have already gotten a dose of it. While I’ll cover what it was that CBS decided to air, I’ll Live Feed that shit in my final thoughts sometime this week.

Once again, we pick up with the closing of the nomination ceremony. I’m guessing HDIC Paul thought that God himself was going to make an appearance and declare the ceremony null and void and yet again because of this, he thinks Jessica’s nose should be growing, he’s just gonna have to wait that out. In the meantime, other houseguests are offering their condolences to #teamjody and if looks could kill, they would certainly be dead because Jessica has got that face down pat. 

Now, here is where details are important. Paul comes to Jessica, asking her to follow him to the HOH room and have a discussion. Cody, making himself some refreshing Sprite Zero is hanging out in the kitchen UNTIL Paul extends the invite to him as well saying “Cody, that includes you.” Cody responds with “What’s the point?” Jessica throws in “Just come” while Cody is reiterating “There literally is no point.” Once in the HOH room, Cody opens his mouth to say “This week means nothing.”, just to have Jessica tell him not to speak. Jessica begins by telling Paul that his nominations were the worst case scenario for him, going even further by saying that his HOH will now mean nothing. I covered this argument in my 07.27.17 re-cap, since a lot of it went down on the live feeds, but I think it’s important to cover it once again because this blow up was pretty epic. It starts when Cody reminds Paul of how much he brags about how well he knows the game, I don’t think he could’ve gotten a bigger reaction from Paul if he would’ve said “I thought you said you had a big dick Paul.” It appears if one is looking to hit Paul where it really hurts, insult his game play. In the meantime, Jessica is just trying her best to explain the Temptation to Paul, without giving away the details. It’s when Paul tells Jessica to lower her voice that the escalation occurs. I am here to say that there wasn’t one point where her voice actually got higher, but it’s important for Paul to remind those who are unwilling to drop to their knees, that he is the Head Dick in Charge. Cody gives zero fucks where that is concerned because I suppose like any Alpha, ain’t no one gonna tell his girl to lower her voice and that’s where the cock off begins. Paul tells Cody to calm down, Cody tells Paul that he can’t tell Jessica to lower her voice, Paul then tells Cody to exit his room, Cody responds with a “fuck you Paul, what are you gonna do about it?”. Jessica then takes Cody by the elbow in an effort to remove him from the situation. As the couple are exiting the room, Paul is continuing on with “leave the room”, even though they are in fact leaving, he throws in “you’re an emotional pussy” for good measure, which has Cody turning around with some more “fuck you’s” and “what are you gonna do?”. Paul responds with “nothing, nothing, because I’m an adult”. I think he should probably look up the word, because I don’t think it means what he thinks it does. Paul tells Jessica that if she wants to still talk, they can, while Cody throws in a “you always have to have the last word Paul”, to prove Cody’s point, Paul follows #teamjody, but this time since the whole house is watching, he’s playing the part. Not very well, but giving it the ole’ college try. Hold on to all of what I just re-capped, I will be using it at some point.

Jessica is pissed that Cody took it to the level he did. And this kicks off what could’ve been the end of that particular showmance. She feels that Cody took it too far, that it’s just a game. I think her bigger problem is Cody having words with Paul instead of just laying low. She’s already had to deal with him leaving the house and even though there is a target on his back, he not only made his bigger, but her’s as well. She continues with her rant by asking Cody if this is how he reacts to life in the real world, if he’s a hot head. Did she really ask that? Now, I realize that I may be a different breed of BXTCH than Jessica, but the words that were exchanged in that room weren’t all that heated and voices didn’t even get raised, I have louder arguments on Facebook, so I feel like she’s more irritated at the entirety of the situation. . .being nominated. . .Paul not listening. . .Cody exchanging words with Paul. . .it’s just a combination of everything that eventually blew up and Cody was the easy target. But is she couldn’t see this side of Cody from the beginning, she may need to invest in some glasses, because even I could’ve told you that Cody doesn’t appear to be the kind who’ll just stand there and allow someone to berate him or attack her.

In the meantime, Paul is busy trying to convince his minions that Cody is just looking for a confrontation, one that he invited him to. And this is where Josh chimes in with his opinion, calling Cody a douchebag and how unfortunate it is that Jessica is caught in the middle. Mark tells Josh to shut the fuck up and another battled has been brewed. While Mark did start it by telling Josh to shut his pie hole, Josh just unleashes verbal vomit. Telling Mark to go hide behind Cody and he didn’t step up when he should’ve and verbal threat after verbal threat. Now, this time there was yelling and eight people watching the festivities, including the HDIC and not one of them spoke up and attempted to calm Josh down, not one time did Paul tell Josh to lower his voice, not one of them complained about how Josh was trying to draw Mark into a confrontation. NOT ONE. If you wanna know what it looked like. . .Big Brother 19 | Wednesday 08.02.17 Episode | Re-Cap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

During the whole debacle, Mark sat there and did not engage all the while Josh called him a “joke” and a “bully”. I think maybe a dictionary is in order for both Josh and Paul, they are clearly struggling with the meaning of the words that they are throwing around. We should rewind back to the Thursday 07.20.17 episode, this was the infamous pickle juice/hot sauce incident. During that showdown, Josh just kept on going at Mark and even when Mark apologized, even when Mark agreed to not speak to Josh, Josh kept on. Tonight, the same thing, Mark sits there and because he is not engaging, Josh asks Mark “What’s the face for?” Mark responds with “I’m just enjoying this so much.” Josh then believes it’s a good idea to continue with “You suck. Your personality sucks. You’re bland as fuck” Then since Mark has a smile on his face, Josh asks “What’s funny?”, to which Mark answers “So much”, this is when Josh grabs those fucking skillets and says again “What’s funny?”. Now on the outside looking in, it looks as if Josh is about to go at Mark with cooking equipment, because he grabbed those skillets like my dad would’ve grabbed a belt. Mark does get up and moves towards Josh, with Josh saying “Don’t touch me” and Big Brother saying “Opposite sides of the house”. Mark eventually leaves and Josh continues to be a child but I think it’s important to remember how Josh is behaving, because I’m gonna come back to it in the future. Also pay attention because when Josh explodes and tries to go all hard on other houseguests, it is only when he has an audience. 

In the Diary Room, we do learn that Mark was bullied as a kid and it didn’t stop until he found about what he could do in a gym. I think what really pushed him over the emotional limit was the fact that eight grown ass adults, stood around and not one tried to stop it. I should point out that two of the culprits are fathers, Jason and Kevin. But, in the Rose Room, Cody confesses to Mark that he believes that Jess is done with him because of the way he handled the situation with Paul. The only thing missing from their chit chat was two beers and a football game. On a side note, it was kinda difficult to take Mark seriously in his canary yellow tutu and tights. You gotta feel it out a bit better next time Mark.

With trouble in Jody world, Paul uses his time to once again approach Jessica. She comes clean about the Hex, telling him that when she uses it, all three nominees will come down and since Paul can’t compete in the next HOH, his week in power was for naught. Since Paul kinda knows that trouble may be brewing in paradise, he’s gonna try to convince Jess that Cody is not beneficial to her game and if she saves the Hex, she will be safe, Cody will go home. He puts the decision square on her shoulders. When all the students are called to the principal’s office, he enlightens them and glee is felt all around.

I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that our girl Jessica hasn’t been in too many relationships or she hasn’t been in a lot where her boo stood up for her, because once again, she seeks out Cody and is itching to pick a fight. Now, this comes after Christmas dug in her claws and told Jessica that when she flies solo, she comes in under the radar, but when she adds Cody to the equation, she makes the hit list. Jessica did defend Cody some, but I do think that some seeds were planted. We just now have to wait and see if they get watered. If you were ever curious to know what a defeated Cody would look like, this conversation is it. 

In case Christmas didn’t get the message across, Elena is going to tag in and try her hand at convincing Jessica that the best move this week is to let the house send Cody home. Jessica is explaining to Elena how Cody was in Paul’s face “screaming” at him. Now, either my hearing is beginning to fail me or we are watching two different shows. It’s when Elena says that she felt the same way when Mark got into Josh’s face, that I realize we are not only watching two different shows, we are on two different channels. I’m sorry, but she was sitting right in front of Josh when he went and lost his damn mind, what kind of fuckery is she playing with to put that on Mark’s shoulders. While the girls are going on some bat shit crazy mind fuck, at least the boys are seeing some sense. Cody confesses to Mark that him out of the house is what’s best for Jessica’s game. Not one time did he talk about her in a negative light, he accepted full responsibility for what when down and even recognizes that he has no shot at walking away with $500k, but she still does.

Just when we thought #teamjody was going down faster than a hooker, all may be saved, it’s just gonna require us to sit through another conversation. Jessica starts in with “you can’t get in people’s face and call them losers”, Cody comes back at her with “I think he is a loser”, he then tells her that he cannot have another conversation with him or he will act like that every damn time. I’m not sure Jessica fully understands the male psyche, because her rationale is since you live with people, you can’t behave that way. Well Cody bookends it with. . .he’s gotten this far in life. . .maybe that’s why he’s single. . .maybe that’s why he has no friends. . .maybe that’s why he’s not close with his family. . .he does remind her that he didn’t even want to go up to Paul’s room. . .if you were ever gonna feel any sort of sympathy towards Cody, this was it. Don’t worry, they made up. 

To prove that he is freaking the fuck out, Paul decides to tell Jessica that during the first couple weeks of the game that Cody told Matt the only reason to keep Jason and Alex around is so they can take out Jessica and Raven, because there is no way that Cody and Matt could do that. Paul is opening up this can because he is trying to prove to Jess that she cannot trust Cody. Proving that she’s not just a bundle of #whitegirlweave and fake lashes, Jessica tells Paul that if she chooses to not to use the Hex, then she wants some shit in return. She wants safety for two weeks and wants Alex gone. Those are her conditions and Paul claims that he can make the first happen, but the second one may prove to be more difficult. That BXTCH ain’t gonna budge, she wants Alex gone more than she wants the safety. Checkmate Paul.

I’m gonna try to keep this short and sweet. The competition this week has the houseguests standing in as meteorologists and the name of the game is Under the Weather. The BB Storm Watch Updates come through sporadically and they need to remember the details to have a chance at the Veto Power. Raven and Kevin will be joining Paul, Jason, Cody, and Jessica. When it’s all said and done, Paul wins Veto complete power is his. It should be said that this Paul won this exact same competition last year. . .way to shake things up Big Brother.

 

“You treat those people like they’re dogs down there. Don’t say it to Jessica either.” -Cody

“That’s why I’m single.” -Cody

“I just want you to be happy.” -Cody

“The money I make from this show is going to a big Xanax prescription.” -Jessica

Big Brother Weekly Re-Caps | www.bxtchesbeblogging.comSo much shit goes down on the live feeds, this BXTCH is gonna have to start taking notes. I will cover more tomorrow, because the stuff that actually went down versus what was shown, could be vastly different and that just ain’t cool. If you’re not tuning into the live feeds or the very least After Dark, you are missing out. I don’t recommend either if you are not good with spoilers, but if you really want to know what’s going on, then jump on board, because it’s been a while since I have able to experience so many emotions all rolled into one. Twitter is another place to fill in some gaps, just do a simple search of #bb19 or #bbad and you will be overwhelmed with a wealth of information.

Why do these fuckers insist on using outside voices inside the Diary Room? Really, can’t a sound person just have them turn it down a few notches? I’m mainly talking to Paul, Raven, and Alex. C’mon guys, we are right here.

I don’t know what kind of message is being sent with wearing the same clothes day in and day out, but I’m worried about their ability to adult if they have no interest in using a washer. Cody and Matt, you know who I’m referring to. Cody claims that his dick is the cleanest part of his body, as often as he wears those basketball shorts, I’m beginning to question that.

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Big Brother 19 | Sunday Re-Cap | 07.30.17

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Big Brother 19 | Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

BXTCHES Gotta Warn: I am a bit off with these re-caps, but three episodes a week, will do a number on a BXTCH. You should probably be aware that I may share some live feed/After Dark shit on this re-cap as well. So be warned, spoilers may lie ahead.

Last Time On: We issued Ramses a very sad goodbye and Paul was once again knighted as the new HOH. The houseguests also learned of the Temptation Challenge, which if I’m understanding it correctly, will take place once a week over the next three weeks and is the consequence for the Halting Hex Temptation. 

Tonight On: Nominations are announced and the Temptation Challenge will go down.

We pick up where the live eviction left off and left Jessica and her side completely blindsided. I’m guessing in an attempt to really stick it to Paul and his minions, Jessica reveals to the house that she is the one with the Temptation. In order to squash any confusion, this is what she actually said:

“I’m just really happy that America decided to give me the final temptation and I have the power to keep Cody and I safe for a few weeks.”

Since that bombshell was dropped, Paul and the Gang have been racking and racking and racking whatever brain they have to try and figure out what exactly the Temptation entails. These brainstorming sessions are coming hard and fast and the one thing that everyone can agree on is that Jessica is lying, has lied or is going to lie. . .at this point I don’t even think that they believe that the Temptation is real. So, let’s start with what was first said (see above), there is no lie in that statement. She only has a span of four week to unleash the Hex. Week #1-on the block was Dominique vs. Jessica, she didn’t use it. Week #2-on the block was Ramses vs. Josh, she didn’t use it. This brings us to week #3, giving her two more weeks to save the evictees. 

Next point of contention is the fact that Elena and Mark were left out of the “Save Josh” campaign. CBS was kind enough to show America just a taste of the assholiness that is Josh and Paul and Jason and Alex and Christmas and Matt. There was nothing but laughter from those individuals when Josh decides to bang skillets together in an effort to get under Mark’s skin.

Jessica is hoping that since she let the Temptation out of the bag, that the last two people going up for eviction this week would be her and Cody. Why waste a HOH, right? However, Paul being not too sure about the Temptation and he thinks that the best way to flush it out and call her bluff is to put her and Cody up. Mark is freaking out a bit regarding his relationship with Paul and the rest of the group. Matt is trying to convince them that all is good and the plan to keep Josh was very last minute. While in the DR he does say that he needs to do what’s best for his game and by “his”, I’m quite certain he means Paul. 

While I’m am a member of #teamcody, even I can’t figure out the why’s of him going to Paul to bat for Mark, but that is exactly what he did. Paul should’ve just put the crown on his head and told Cody to run along like the peasant Paul was treating him as. Because Mark could’ve offered to suck Paul’s dick and Paul would not have been any more interested. He even threw in a “chow buddy”.

We gotta remember that Alex and Paul are involved in a secret alliance, one that no one else knows of, and during a meeting of the minds, it is decided that if Jessica does have the power to save #teamjody, then Mark and Elena go up next. It is crystal clear that Paul has no idea of how the Temptation will work. Paul is working over time to separate Mark and Elena and starts planting the seeds by telling her that she will be part of his plan, but Mark will not be. Elena then starts to lay groundwork of her own down where Mark is concerned when Mark tells her that he wants them to work with Jess and Cody. Elena doesn’t appreciate Mark speaking for her and I do believe that it’s this convo that is the beginning of the end for #teammarlena. On a side note: During Elena’s discussion with Mark, she makes the comment about how Cody has left a bad taste in everyone’s mouth and being associated with him is not a good idea because how in the world is a team of four going to make it to the end. In the beginning of this shitstorm, they were all proud of the showmance they got hooked into. It was the three couples, Christmas, and Dominique. Cody was the very first HOH and originally put Megan and Jillian up for eviction, but Megan quit the show. Then while he was working out and trying to build a relationship with Alex, he asked her what she would do and she point blank told him that she would put one of his up. I’m guessing that answer did her in a bit, because she replaced Megan on the block. Then Alex wins POV and Cody is forced to pick someone else and that’s when he places Paul up for eviction, but surprise, Paul had the Pendant of Protection which protected him from being nominated. So, in a move that shocked the house, Cody put Christmas up. Was it smart? In hindsight, probably not because this is the only move that he made. He can’t participate in the next HOH and Paul wins. Paul put up Alex and Ramses, Alex wins the POV and Paul gets to backdoor Cody. The only move he had left was to shake up the house and tell Paul that there was at least two people who knew of the moves he was going to make. When people bitch about how Cody / Jessica treated Josh, Josh also promised them that he would vote to get Christmas out of the house, that was what started the whole argument. Cody didn’t get in his face, he did words, but so did Josh. So, all of this back and forth about what liars Cody and Jessica are, are coming from a far away fictional land, because so far they have been the underdogs in the house. And I’m not sure why everyone is so upset about Cody nomination Christmas, because Dominique was on their team and they wasted no time getting her up and out. #hypocritassholes

The houseguests now learn about the Temptation Competition, which is the consequence for the Halting Hex. This comp is entirely voluntary, BUT the one who finishes first will be safe for the week and the one finishing last will have to go up on the block along with the other two nominees. This comp will take place once a week for three weeks and I’m quite certain the rules will remain the same. HOH cannot compete. The ones volunteering are Mark, Alex, Jason, and Matt. Matt is only volunteering because the HDIC asked him to. The name of the game is Bowlerina. The contestants dress like ballerinas, spin themselves silly, and try to knock down some pins. From what I can tell this may be a BB classic, but since I am a newbie, it not only looks crazy as fuck, but just watching it made me want to vomit. Mark came out victorious and Jason found himself dead last and up for eviction.

In a last ditch effort to stay away from the block, Jessica pulls Paul aside and offers him a bit more insight into her Temptation. She makes sure to stay away from the word “Halting” when describing the hex to Paul, but she does tell him that she has the power to keep her and Cody safe for the next few weeks. Paul thinks she’s being a bit too vague. Every scenario is running through his mind and the one for this hour, well really minute is. . .If he’s not allowed to put Cody / Jessica on the block and Mark is out because of his win, then he’ll nominate Elena and a pawn. He all but asks for volunteers and did Matt or Raven step up? No. Did Christmas take one for the team? No. It was all Alex. And it was only after Alex sacrificed herself that Matt wore the “team player” badge of courage and decided to take the plunge. But no worries, Christmas assures the room that no one will go home if they don’t want them to. It’s like the fucking Godfather in that room.

Now in a real last, last ditch effort, Jessica and Paul are at it again and this time she point blank asks him if he had any questions for her regarding the Hex and he says “no”. Now, somewhere, somehow, Paul believes that Jessica is not allowed to lie about her Temptation and while I don’t think she has up to this point, Paul is reading from a different dictionary because homeboy is convinced that she is bluffing.

When it’s time for the nomination ceremony, I’m sure no one is surprised when Paul nominates Cody and Jessica. Pissed? Yes. Shocked? No. Now we just wait it out and see.

Cody

Jessica

“I don’t like Matt. I don’t trust Matt. I don’t wanna work with Matt.” -Cody

“Cause I’m making big boy moves this week.” -Paul

“The only man gonna win this comp. First name Whistle, last name Nut.” -Jason
Big Brother Weekly Re-Caps | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Before I get into this too far, we need to talk about a couple of things. Now, some shit has been going down during the live feeds (especially Monday 7/31) and I’ll get to that, but in combination with the live feeds, I try to scroll through Twitter to get a gauge on what everyone else’s thoughts are and man alive, are people pissed. Since I am not physically or mentally capable enough to stop everything in my life and tune in to the live feeds 24/7, there are things that went down that I wasn’t a witness to, but are enough for people to call out. The first claim: Cody and Jess were bullies long before Paul and are now getting a taste of their own. I think it’s humorous at best to put all of that at the footsteps of just Cody and Jess. It wasn’t that long ago when Cody was recruiting and people were joining. In particular, Matt and Raven, Mark and Elena, and Dominique. If you let your memory float back a bit, you’ll remember when Cody realized how vital Alex would be to his team and made an attempt to recruit her, she may have turned him down, but that didn’t stop Cody from allowing Alex to win the first POV comp. Maybe allowing is stretching a bit, but he did stop playing in the end and she was able to take herself down from the block. This is where the house begins to turn. Let’s continue down memory lane. When Paul hit Cody with the backdoor, he sat down with Dominique on her talk show and when he was asked why he wasn’t trying harder to stay in the house, he said he would never campaign against Alex and that there are only two houseguests (besides Jess) that he would want to win it all, #1 was Alex and #2 was Raven. So, do I think Cody was an asshole in the beginning? Yes. Do I think he made some wrong moves? Yes. But hindsight is 20/20 and other than him putting Paul and Christmas on the block, I am confused on why so many hate. And it can’t be the showmance thing because Matt and Raven are still stroking one another and I happen to mean that in the very literal sense.

It’s too much to go into all of what happened on Monday’s live feeds, but I can give you the Cliffs Notes version. And please note that some, if not a lot of the events, will be out of order. . .my memory ain’t what it used to be. At one point, Cody was in the kitchen, sitting on a barstool, when Josh says to him “Can I ask you a question, Cody?” (or something along those lines), when Josh turned around, Cody was walking out. He goes into the Wave Room where Jessica is and simply tells her that he will not engage and he will not be the reason that Josh gets more screen time. Now, something did go down between Jessica and Raven and it wasn’t the screaming match. Unfortunately, I came in while this was happening and here is what I know. Jason was talking with Jessica and Cody in the Wave Room, when Alex pokes in her head, demanding that Jason excuse himself because “Raven is crying”. From the pieces that I am able to put together, Jessica walkedLater, Cody and Jess are in the bathroom, something happens that causes Jessica

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Big Brother 19 | Thursday Re-Cap | 07.27.17

Big Brother 19 | Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Big Brother 19 | Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.comBXTCHES Gotta Warn: Look, I’m gonna have to move this post in a different direction (hopefully just this particular post, not future ones) and let me offer some sort of explanation. This show is stressing me the fuck out and truth. . .I haven’t even watched Thursday’s episode, but no worries, I do know the ins and outs. It appears that I was an eager whore, I went from having my cherry popped straight to getting double penetrated. And as any good girl will tell you, you gotta save anal for a bit later. And by anal, I am of course referring to Big Brother After Dark and those goddamn live feeds. If I could do it all over again, I would just go straight vanilla, straight missionary and stick to the shit that CBS airs. Because of my whorish ways, this post may be filled with spoilers. And when I say spoilers, I mean things that CBS has yet to air. . .consider yourself warned.

Let’s talk about what we already know. Prior to the live eviction that sent Dominique home, America gifted Jessica with the Halting Hex Temptation, which gives her the power to halt any eviction over four weeks (from the time she received it), but she is only allowed to use the temptation one time. She made the choice to not use it during week one, even though she was on the block. But that decision worked out well for her, because the votes that night went 10-0, in favor to send home Dominique. Luck was still on her side when her boo won his way back into the house. She probably should’ve tried to sneak out and buy a lottery ticket, because with her ride and die by her side, she not only captured the HOH, but she also took the Power of Veto. When it was all said and done, Josh and Ramses remained on the block and even though Jessica’s intention was to send Josh packing, she opted to not use the POV, her Halting Hex also stayed unactivated for the second straight week, which means that she only has two more weeks to unleash that power. Anyone watching BBAD or the live feeds knows that Paul was busy orchestrating behind the scenes making sure that Josh stayed planted and Ramses was the one to walk out the door, while continuing to allow Jessica to believe that the pain in the ass that is Josh, would be heading back to Miami. In case you’re not keeping score, side A in the house includes: Jessica, Cody, Mark, and Elena. While side B represents: Paul, Alex, Jason, Josh, Christmas, Matt, Raven, Kevin. So to say that the scale is unbalanced would be an understatement.

To date, we have seen. . .Cameron, Megan, Jillian, Cody, and Dominique all leave the house, Megan leaving on her own accord and Cody earning his way back into the house.

This brings us to the next eviction. . .Josh vs. Ramses. Jessica has her reasons for wanting Josh out of the house, the main one being. . .he’s an asshole, plain and simple. But Paul has his reasons as well, the main one being. . .Josh sucks cock better than a pornstar, in particular Paul’s cock, hence the “Save Josh campaign”. Mark and Elena have been left out of the loop and when the it came time to vote, Ramses was sent home. Now, this triggers something, especially since Jessica was pretty convinced that most, if not all of the house, would be voting her way. . .so imagine the blindside. In a move that I’m not too sure of, Jessica reveals after the live vote, that she does possess the last temptation and something about being safe for a few weeks. Because of this admission, the whole house has turned into fucking Sherlock Holmes and they are doing their damnedest to figure out whether or not she is telling the truth. Paul and his minions do believe that she has some sort of safety, they just don’t think that Big Brother would give her the power to save more than one person. Apparently, Paul’s Pendant of Protection was the strongest and since his dick is the biggest in all of the land, no one would be granted more power than that. Well Paul, let me show you power. . .Pussy Power.

Paul wins the next HOH.

As of Friday night (7/28) the house is in utter chaos and that’s me putting it nicely. The live feeds were down for a chunk of the day (I believe it was because of the nominations) and when I finally got tuned back in, it was like a daycare gone horrible wrong. Here’s what I know (SPOILERS!!). . .In an effort to flush out the temptation, Paul has put Jessica and Cody up for eviction. I should probably stop here and share the following. When Thursday’s episode was coming to an end, we learn that there will be some sort of Temptation challenge. Now, it appears that this is the consequence that is coming because of Jessica accepting the Halting Hex, I don’t think it is, but since I didn’t tune in, I don’t really know. But this challenge was entirely voluntary, with the the person finishing first earning safety for a week and the person finishing last going up on the block, making the total number, three. From what I can tell (and from what I have read), Mark finished first and Jason finished last. Back to the nominations. Post nomination ceremony, Jessica and Cody are pissed. Why? Considering that they still have a plan B, I have no idea, but Paul asks to speak to Jessica in the HOH room. And while Cody was going to just stay his ass in the kitchen, Jessica and/or Paul, thought it was important to include him as well. When they arrive in the room, Jessica proceeds to tell Paul that he just wasted his HOH. And she’s right. If Jessica decides to use the Hex, the eviction stops there and Paul’s HOH was for naught, because he can’t compete again and his arch nemesis is still in the house. Which would make the second time his HOH has been wasted. He may have gotten Cody out during his first run as HDIC, but Cody is back, so he is technically still without a HOH win under his belt. Paul is trying to get out of Jessica the details of her Hex, but she isn’t biting. And up to this point, whenever the minions have discussed this Hex with Paul, he has continued to tell them that Jessica doesn’t have to give details, but she cannot lie about it, which is why they are just not biting with the bait she is throwing. Okay, back to the HOH room. The conversation quickly escalates, with some “Fuck you Paul” and “Fuck you Cody” being thrown around, Cody tells Paul that he thinks he is the king when it comes to playing the game and he treats his minions like dogs, which eventually leads to Paul telling Cody to get out of his room. Paul denies being all-knowing, although he does take a moment to remind Cody that he has been in the house for 130 some odd days and it should be pointed out that after Jessica placed Josh and Ramses up for eviction, she asked Paul if he has her back and he tells her that she really doesn’t need to worry about that until the POV has been won. In fact, anytime Paul is dishing out game advice, it is done so with an “I played last year, so I know” attitude, so I don’t think Cody is stretching it too much when he calls Paul out. In dramatic fashion, once Cody reaches the door, Paul calls him an “emotional pussy”, that leads to some more back and forth, with Cody eventually walking out of the. LET’S PAUSE RIGHT HERE: Can we please stop with the “pussy” insults? Pussies are pretty fucking fantastic and I think the last adjective one could use to describe one is weak. Tough, beautiful, resilient, appetizing. . .all better than weak. It’s clear that pussies don’t line up with Paul too often or he would know these things. If you barely graze a dick, it either gets hard or tries to climb back into itself. . . now that’s emotional. This whole debacle has Paul telling the entirety of the house that Cody exploded and got into his face. . .blah, blah, blah, when in reality they were both assholes who were looking to have a cock off and since I’ve already seen the outline of Cody’s, I’ll go out on a limb and assume that Paul is packing much less. Check mate motherfucker.

Here is where things start to take an embarrassing turn. Josh has decided to go full on 12 year old boy and walk around the house banging skillets together. In doing so, he gets all up in Mark’s face, which triggers Mark. Now, no punches were thrown, but it did send tensions in the house sky high. Apparently something maybe went down with Cody. I have no idea if it was the man-off in Paul’s room or if something went down between Cody and Josh as well. For the record, I was able to find the footage of Cody vs. Paul and Mark vs. Josh, but unable to find anything Cody vs. Josh. The only reason I even suspect something went down is because when I tuned in, Cody was behind a closed door and Josh was screaming in that direction, just insult after insult towards Cody. So, I don’t know if it was in defense of Paul or if it had something to do with Josh. Also during this time, Jessica seems pissed and is gathering her things for a shower and Paul lets her know that she can use his. When Paul gets into the room, Matt, Raven, Mark, and Elena are in the room and he just starts in about Cody. About how he has a small dick complex (see notes from above) and how is was currently crying in whatever room he was in and he insinuated that he was legit shedding tears. We eventually see Christmas and Jessica lying in bed, while Christmas is offering some comfort. Jessica’s concern is Cody’s temper and Christmas is trying to assure her that she is better without him. So, at this point, everyone believes that Jessica is gonna dump Cody and at the same time, it’s looking like Elena may lose Mark.

I wanna take the time here and say that if I were the one who brought Josh into this world, I would first kick my own ass for not swallowing him instead, but second, I would be on the first plane to LA, knocking on the Big Brother door and evicting his ass myself. He did get called into the DR and was told that he could not instigate a fight, which is what he was trying to do with Mark. And unfortunately, I will not be able to buy into the excuse of being in the house made him do it. What you’re seeing is what you get with that man child motherfucker and I think this is a perfect time to flashback to the first episodes of this season. While I don’t think Megan should’ve quit, she only did so when Josh attacked her and continued to attack her. Here is what she says about her early departure:

“When I was stationed in Norfolk, Virginia, I was sexually assaulted and I got really bad PTSD from it,” said Lowder who served in the Navy.

“So in the house… I had a lot of guys yelling at me and attacking me and it started really affecting me and making my anxiety severe and I was starting to get physically ill. I was throwing up, I had diarrhea, I was nauseous all the time.”

What I find interesting is no one taking into consideration that not only are individuals in the house encouraging the constant antagonizing of an individual who has killed people, but who are also allowing some childish shit, like banging skillets together, PTSD is a real thing and Cody is a war veteran. Do we now think Josh is a fun guy? And he claims that his dick has been encased in 35 pussies. . .I call bullshit.

Eventually we see Elena talking with Cody in the Have Not Room and Cody telling her that he’s gonna tell Jessica to save the Hex and just let him get evicted because he is just holding her back in the game. He also goes as far as to say that he thinks her (Elena) and Jessica would go much further without him or Mark. I’m supposing somewhere during the night, Jessica asked Cody if he was this hot headed outside the game, because he tells Elena that who he is in the house, is who he is outside the house. LET’S PAUSE AGAIN: This is why I’m wondering if something else went down other than the confrontation between Cody and Paul, because while I think that the whole ordeal was a bit ridiculous, I don’t think that Jessica should be alarmed by the behavior AND if something did go down between Cody and Josh, I’m assuming it had something to do with the banging of skillets. I am pretty non-violent person, but if some motherfucker gets into my face banging skillets together, they’re gonna need to get comfortable cooking eggs from their asshole since that’s where that skillet would be. So, while I know it doesn’t help, I really don’t know if anything further happened. But, we do get to witness Jessica give Cody a verbal smackdown and Cody laid there and took it. This was the point in which I thought that #teamjody was done. But, later a much more calm discussion did take place and that one ended with Cody lying down with Jessica while she fell asleep. So, maybe there is life left yet for the love birds.

IN MY OPINION: The final three in the HOH competition was Paul, Matt, and Raven. We know that Paul wins HOH and we now know that Matt and Raven threw it so he could win. We know this because when Paul says it, they agree. I find it ironic that Paul not only claims Jessica made an emotional nomination when she put Josh up, but also when he called Cody an “emotional pussy”, because in my eyes it seems that Paul is the one making the emotional moves. At this point in the game, there is not one person in that house that Cody could beat and I’m including Mark. So, I understand trying to flush out the Hex, but that’s not really what’s happening here. Paul put up Cody just because Paul doesn’t like him, because anyone really wanting $500k, would recognize Cody’s value in the house. And if you are really wanting to stick it to Jessica, force her to waste the Hex. If Paul would’ve put Elena and anyone from his side up, the power of the Hex has yet to expire, so I don’t think Jessica would’ve used it on Elena, Elena would be out so that’s one less on the other side, and Jessica would only have one more week to use the temptation. And even though there’s the possibility of Cody, Jessica, or Mark to win a HOH, I think it would be a Matt vs. Raven eviction, because even they know that the other side will not send Paul home.

Maybe this isn’t the right place, but we gotta discuss Cody for a hot second. I wasn’t a fan initially. While I can recognize beautiful people, I do think it’s not the wisest to place someone’s worth in their looks and that’s what Cody did. And while I laid a ton of blame on Josh where Megan is concerned, Cody does own some of that BUT in defense of both Cody and Josh (and I vomit a bit in my mouth having to defend him), Megan made it clear from the beginning that she was not going to reveal her military resume, she was more comfortable with everyone in the house believing her to only be a dog walker. So in regards to her PTSD, which I feel for her having to go through that, maybe a bit more truth regarding who she really was would’ve helped. Maybe not, since they all know that Cody is a Marine and still have no fucks to give, but it was the beginning of the game, so I guess we’ll never know. To my second point. When Cody was a guest on Dominique’s talk show, he was asked about Megan and why it was he didn’t like her. One: she came into the kitchen one night, when everyone was being somewhat rowdy and asked them to hold it down because she was trying to sleep. Legit complaint? Maybe, but more so if you’re at your own house and this was going down. You’re not even a week into a social experiment and everyone is trying to get to know one another, expect noise. But the other reason Cody had an issue with Megan was because she made a comment about how she doesn’t like Marines. Pretty good reason, right? But here’s what I think. If Megan would’ve exposed her military background from the time introductions were made, then she maybe would’ve bonded with Cody and things could’ve played out differently. I recognize that Cody told her he didn’t like her and I can also recognize that Cody was an asshole when he said it, but the line between being an asshole and a bully may be thin, but there is a line. I don’t think it was Cody who crossed it. CBS and Big Brother should’ve done a much better job at vetting these contestants, because I’m thinking that this social experiment is really a good idea for someone who was sexually assaulted. I guess what I should say is someone who suffers from PTSD because of a sexual assault. Because from the outside looking in, she was no where ready.

Last night (Saturday 7/29), I was busy all day but briefly turned on the live feeds and I mean five minutes brief, because I could not believe what I was witnessing. Here is what I caught. Cody and Jessica were in the bathroom and Cody was headed to the Have Not Room. I thought he maybe had some lotion or something on his hands because he could not get the door open. So much so, that he repeatedly wiped his hand on the bed next to the door. Eventually he succeeds and once he enters the room, he wipes his hand on a towel. When Jessica walks into the room, she makes a loud jokingly comment about how someone is gonna be mad because of no lube. Cody began to say something about how he had a hard time opening the door as well. The camera then goes to Paul, Matt, and Raven (not sure what room they were in) but Paul is telling Matt and Raven about how Cody was struggling to open the door. What I could deduce, someone put Vaseline on the handle. I know it was Vaseline, because that was the actual product named. Paul then said something about how Cody could use it to go fuck himself and again brings up Cody’s small dick. This has Matt and Raven laughing as if they are at a personal Chris Rock show. I mean this bitch had a toothbrush in her mouth, rolling around on the floor. Now, I’m a funny motherfucker, I surround myself with funny motherfuckers, NOT ONCE has anyone in my life or anyone that I have seen live or on t.v., said something so funny, that I find the need to fall to my back. If I’m on my back, I better either be asleep, watching t.v. or someone better be getting ready to fill me up. So, calm the fuck down Raven, you look like an idiot and more on that bitch later. LET’S PAUSE HERE: When Jessica and Cody were having the make-up talk, Jessica was very concerned about Cody’s daughter watching all of that play out. And that is where I would like to focus, Cody’s daughter. We can argue day and night about whether or not she should be allowed to tune in, either to the show or the live feeds, but the reality. . .this is her only opportunity to see her dad, so chances are, she is watching. And just in case you’re wondering, a couple weeks ago, Alex mentioned that the only family that Cody really has are his sisters and she didn’t even think that they even knew he was on Big Brother. The only reason I mention it is because it could appear that there are reasons why Cody is who he is. But anywho, EVERY person in that house knows that Cody has a daughter. Are we all okay with someone talking about how her dad can go fuck himself or how small her dad’s dick is or what a pussy her dad is? That’s okay with the likes of Jason and Kevin, both of whom have children? Playing the game is one thing, being a bully is a whole other matter. And we debate on whether or not Cody is/was a bully. Should he have verbally smacked Paul around? Probably not, but neither Paul’s dick or pussy got drug into it. Also, Cody isn’t walking around the house banging kitchenware, trying to start a fight. Cody isn’t channeling his inner eight year old and putting Vaseline on door handles. Now, if it would’ve been a teammate on teammate prank, that’s one thing, but to prank someone you hate, is bullying. Paul continues to plague Cody with a small man complex, I personally think he is projecting. You’re not playing a game, you’re being an asshole.

I’ve brought it up before and I’m sure it’ll get brought up again, but for anyone (Alex and Paul) to not only doubt someone’s service to our country but also question their war status is deplorable, not to mention a horrible way to play a social game. Cody may be an asshole, Cody could even be a bully, but Cody did serve his country and for that he deserves his honor.

IN MY OPINION: While I may think that this is as close to reality as we can get, CBS is dictating the shit out of this show. Hear me out BXTCHES. When Cody was first evicted and the Battle Back was announced, I said then, that the powers at hand want Cody back in the house and they were gonna gear that challenge to favor him. What happened? The competition was all about hand/eye coordination. Did we really think that a sniper wasn’t gonna be victorious? The only thing that would’ve made him moving back in better would be if  Jessica received the temptation or the only thing that would make Jessica receiving the temptation better would be if Cody moved back in, but surely you get the gist. If you would’ve checked out Twitter or any of the fan boards during this time, Jessica and Cody were enemy #1, why in the world would the fans of this show gift her with that sort of temptation? Then there was the next HOH comp, the first one with Cody back. It wasn’t one that required athleticism, it didn’t require muscle, it only required endurance and no fun would’ve been had if Cody was evicted a week after moving back in. If you watched it, she didn’t move for two plus hours. Is it too far fetched to think that her red disc was rigged to not move?

We gotta start the convo regarding Matt and Raven, more specifically. . .Raven. First, in case you weren’t aware, Matt and Raven now know one another in the biblical sense. That was confirmed when Jessica heard the skin slapping. It was further confirmed during the live feeds when Raven did the ole’ reach around and took hold of Matt’s dick. But on to more important things. I should probably full disclose here that I’m not ever in the business of disease shaming and I actually have no idea whether or not Raven is actually plagued with Gastroparesis. What I do know is that it is no where near the terminal illness that she makes it out to be. First, she has openly talked about how the fatality of this disease, so much so, that at the tender age of fourteen, she had a will drawn up. She has also discussed how expensive care is and how much that care has put a financial strain on her family. Now, here is where I encourage you to head on over to her Instagram page and take a look. . .right here. . .trust a BXTCH, this is not a family who is struggling financially. That’s not to even mention the fact that she is the owner of two dance studios. You don’t open a second one if the first one is failing. From what I can tell, insurance companies will most likely cover the cost of the pacemaker, assuming that they deem it medically necessary. At one point during live feeds, Raven was discussing how her pacemaker is at a nine and it only goes to fifteen and she made it seem that after fifteen comes death. The only things I could find regarding the battery life on a gastric pacemaker is it lasts 5-10 years, depending on the rate of stimulation. The higher the rate, the quicker the battery dies. When the battery dies, you don’t. An appointment is made with your doctor and you get it replaced. I looked for any indication that one would eventually have to stop with the pacemaker because of the battery and could find nothing. The pacemaker is certainly no cure for the disease, it just helps with the nausea and vomiting that comes with it. She has also mentioned that her mother has been cursed with this epidemic and her mother is on video talking about how her brother is also inflicted. Wanna know a secret?. . .It’s not hereditary. Now, you can inherit one of the underlying diseases that may bring on Gastroparesis, but the disease itself, is not. From what I have read, there is a medicinal regimen that could be prescribed and a diet that one should follow. But as anyone who has tuned in knows. . .Raven eats and eats and eats and eats. It’s also time you checked out #RavenExposedParty (here). There is some serious shady shit involving this family and this is pure speculation, but I would ask you to watch the HBO documentary “Mommy Dead and Dearest”, then you will see where I am headed with that speculation, #MunchausenSyndromebyProxyisrealyall. Also, I would encourage you to do some quick Google searches and educate yourself. I’m just gonna have the popcorn ready for when Matt finds out.

Let’s stick with the dancer from Arkansas for a bit. What in the fuck is up with the accent changes. Look, either you’re from the south or you’re not. I’m from Texas and I cannot recall the last time the word ‘rice’ came out of my mouth and it sounded like I was from Deliverance, Alabama. It may be cute inside the house, but since those of us watching have to hear her voice change gears, it’s a bit annoying. Oh and fake.

I know what some will say. . .“this is a game, Paul is doing what needs to be done”, then I would ask. . .“Is it at this point?”. You wanna play the game, use your powers when you can, make sure you evict when the time comes, you can even fucking deceive and lie. This isn’t game play, this is just fucking mean. Mark has apologized over and over again to Josh and still Josh comes at him. Should he have went off on Josh? Maybe not, but are we assuming that because Mark is so buff and Josh is not, that Mark has the upper hand? Because Mark does go on to say that he was bullied as a kid and Josh is causing his shit to wreck havoc. I don’t know how I would play this game, but I hope that through it all, my integrity would stay mostly intact. So I’ll continue the journey that this social experiment brings, but I can say that this show is making me lose some of my faith in humanity, well what little I had left.

Alex

Christmas

Cody

Elena

Jason

Jessica

Josh

Kevin

Mark

Matt

Paul

Raven

Cameron

Dominique

Jillian

Megan

Ramses

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Big Brother 19 | Wednesday Re-Cap | 07.26.17

Big Brother 19 | Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Big Brother 19 | Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.comBXTCHES Gotta Warn: If you BXTCHES aren’t tuning into Big Brother After Dark or the live feeds, then you are missing some shit. Now, if you are someone who has an issue with spoilers, then I don’t recommend indulging in either of these. . .you will find out the happenings before they air, the beauty, which is sometimes painful, of tuning in is hearing the unfiltered, unedited thoughts of those in the house. It’s also a tiny bit amusing when the Big Brother voice comes through the house, scolding one of the houseguests. The downside of this creepy habit is. . . addiction. You will find yourselves at random times throughout the day, checking in. I like to think that they are my peeps, it helps squash the disturbing stalker vibe I find myself putting out.

Last Time On: There wasn’t a traffic jam strong enough to stop Jessica from securing the HOH win and with that, she decided to put Josh and Ramses up for eviction. Her boo made it back into the house, so things are looking up for the BB Couple, well at least looking up in a personal and private way.

Tonight On: It’s the Power of Veto competition and meeting.

As usual, we pick up at the end of the eviction meeting and once Josh learns of his nomination, fear begins to set in. A quick reminder in case you memory is failing you, during last weeks live eviction, Josh looks at Jess and tells her that if he wins HOH, he will be putting her up on the block. He made it clear as day and for everyone to hear. He pointed out how she has lied to every person in the house (I don’t recall that, but I also don’t live there) and just for balance, he did tell her that he does have respect for her. #madlove Remember all of that because after the meeting is adjourned, he fucking cries like a whiny bitch. We first find him in the toilet room, having a moment and as interested as I was in witnessing him shed tears like a 16 year old suffering from her broken heart, the only think I could conjure up at that time was “There’s a fucking camera where they have to go shit?!”, JFC that could be the number one reason why I couldn’t go on that show. That and I love to sing, especially in the shower. So, it seems that my bathroom habits would eliminate me before I even got a foot in the door. Back to #babyboy, Christmas offers her words of wisdom, none of which sounded anything like. . .“Look here motherfucker. You have been on this earth for twenty-three fucking years, it’s about time you learn some life lessons and this is the first one. You cannot talk shit about or to someone and not expect some sort of goddamn retaliation. Man up! You wanna dish out, you better be ready to eat it.” She patted him on the back and told him to hold his head high or some bullshit nonsense that like. At one point during either After Dark or live feed, someone asked Josh about the number of females he has been intimate with, his number was 35. . .I called bullshit prior to tonight’s episode, but after watching the tears fall, there is no way that 35 women have opened their legs wide and proud for him. . .no way. It doesn’t take him long to go from butt hurt to vengeful, he would for all to take note. . .all hell will break loose if that POV gets placed around his neck.

When Jess offered up her nominees, she made it clear that Josh needed to get the fuck out and Ramses was just a pawn. I was confused because in my wide eyed innocence, I would’ve put up Paul or Alex or Jason to go against Josh, there is no way any of them would’ve went home in lieu of Josh. Tonight Jessica did explain her reasoning. She wanted to send Josh back to Miami without stirring the pot a whole lot and she figured that Ramses would be the best fit for that plan. Now it seems as if she is second guessing her decision. Elena did her best to reassure, telling her that the votes are going to go the right way. When Paul is questioned, he puts his guru hat on and evades the question long enough to tell her why she needs to wait on asking it.

While Josh is busy in bed, drying his tears, he crew is trying to figure out a way to keep him in the house. And as much as I personally want to see him gone, Paul does make a great point. Paul, Alex, Jason, and Kevin have a great ally in Josh and since Matt/Raven, Christmas, and possibly Elena/Mark all love the way Paul’s dick feels in their mouth, they will most likely follow suit. So, unfortunately the way things are beginning to shape up, Jessica’s plan may fail.

Jessica takes some time to apologize to Ramses and even goes as far to tell him that she will do everything in her power to win veto and ensure that it’s Josh waving goodbye. While Ramses is appreciative, he’s still a bit hesitant and knows that he is the only one that can guarantee himself safety.

Tears and emotions are running high tonight. While Josh’s tears were a bit bogus, Jason does show us all a serious side when he begins telling stories of his son. What started out as a light hearted sharing, soon had Jason leaving the room to compose himself and in a rare moment of class, Josh does do his best to comfort.

It’s time for the POV competition and those competing tonight are: Jessica, Ramses, Josh, Christmas, Jason, and Cody. Kevin is the host and is dressed like a Fruit of the Loom spokesperson. Tonight’s competition is some sort of a smoothie challenge and it seems like it’s a show favorite. The point is to use your memory when making the smoothie. If you place the wrong ingredient into the cup, the BAM! it will explode. The first round knocks out Christmas, while the second round takes out Josh, Ramses, and Jason, leaving Cody and Jessica to battle it out. Like any good boyfriend, Cody decides to let Jessica take the win because the last thing he needs is to hear her bitching about how her #whitegirlweave got fucked up. If you’re keeping score, Josh has now had the opportunity to Outwit, Outplay, and Outlast. . .yes, I am well aware of the fact that I’m using the Survivor motto, but a point needs to be made. . .Josh hasn’t been able to do any three of those things. This competition required absolutely zero athletic ability, he literally had to stand there and memorize things and could only answer one question correctly. Maybe it does make more sense to keep the fool around, it’s one less person to have to worry about when competing.

After failing to guarantee his own safety, Josh is receiving advice from Paul. I think Paul is just trying to make sure that Jess is not going to place the POV around Ramses’ neck, but can’t ask her directly for fear of hackles being raised. When Josh sets out to do some dirty work, he just tells Jessica that he really wants to enjoy his last few days in the house and would like for things to be civil between them. She agrees. One would think that the sunglasses Josh is sporting or the smirk on his face while he is pouring his heart out would raise a red flag, but no, Raven does that when Jessica asks her about Josh being voted out and she can’t even answer straight. This new information required Jessica to have an emergency meeting with her ride or die. She tells Cody that she has a gut feeling that the house is going to blindside her and Ramses will be the aftermath, she is beginning to think that maybe she should use some of the power that she has earned to save him and put Alex up. While Cody thinks she needs to do whatever she sees fit, he doesn’t think that she should change the nominations because worse case scenario. . .they still have the Halting Hex.

When it comes time to wow Jessica with their words, Ramses is up first and does what I think we all knew he would do, while he would like for Jess to use the POV to save him, he recognizes that she needs to do what is ultimately best for her game and if that means he stays on the block, then so be it. Josh uses his time to apologize, while acknowledging that he will most likely be going home, he just wants to be able to do it with his head held high. I’m surprised he didn’t give a shout out to his speech writers on that one. . .because if one didn’t know better, they would’ve believed every word that poured from his mouth. Jessica chose to not use the POV to save anyone, which I don’t believe was a smart move, but she is trying her damnedest to not upset anyone in the house. I am somewhat glad that she is at least aware that a blindside could be coming, I was really not looking forward to Josh making them look like fools, so I hope that her and Cody have talked it through and have come up with their next plan of action.

Big Brother Weekly Re-Caps | www.bxtchesbeblogging.comI guess Paul is fantastic. I didn’t watch last season, so I’m not a member of the fan club, but here is what makes my eyes squint. I’m not understanding how he got tagged as the mama duck, while everyone else has been demoted to the ducklings. The fact that he is from a previous season should make him more dangerous, right? The trust that these guys have put into him, is quite disturbing. I get that ultimately this a game of. . .I gotta get you before you get me. . .but there aren’t that many in the actual inner circle. It is Alex and Paul, then Jason and Kevin. . .Christmas, Matt, Raven, and Josh are pulling up the rear and I do believe that they will know what a blindside actually feels like, sooner rather than later.

We gotta talk some about the things that are starting to piss me off. Am I the only one who is not really understanding the Matt/Raven thing? These guys are 30+ days into this experiment and they have yet to actually play a game. They rode in on Cody’s back in the beginning and are now going to Paul for the piggyback rides. The only thing they seem to do regularly in the house is eat, horseplay, and jerk each other off. But maybe that is their play and I’m gonna wind up looking like the chump in the end. NEXT TOPIC: Why is it that people in this house complain about the very thing they are doing. They will sit and talk about how paranoid someone is becoming and not only do they whisper while complaining, but they constantly are looking over their shoulder as well. . .talk about a textbook definition. I get that this is a game of deceit and betrayal and lying, but if you are currently using those weapons at your disposal, you can’t get pissed when your enemy is doing the same. LAST TOPIC: I understand that Cody may be public enemy #1. . .well I understand this for Paul, not so much Alex. . .remember when Cody was up for elimination and was asked why he isn’t campaigning more and he responded with not wanting to campaign against Alex, she was one of the individuals that he wanted to see win, so I’m not sure why she has so much hostility towards him. But what really pisses me off is when she questioned his service to his country. She began to doubt if he was even in the Marines, because he is void of body ink and he is not loud. If those are the qualities that make a good Marine, our country may be fucked. . .because isn’t stealth and the ability to go unnoticed qualities that you would want in a sniper? They took it even further when Cody’s time in a war zone got brought up and Paul begins to question that. Look, I don’t know Cody, so the only personal info I have is what is online and in his BB bio, he identifies himself as a Marine. This happens to be one of those rare cases where you just don’t question. . .you respect him for his time spent serving our country and if he turns out to be a fraud, then he won’t need Alex or Paul to shoot the holes, he would’ve sunk his ship all on his own. What I find even more fascinating is they question Cody’s military service but not Raven’s disease and I am starting to do some research on gastroparesis and from what I can tell so far, somebody may want to start the inquisition.

There was a point during tonight’s episode where we learn or maybe some already knew, that Christmas was the first female pit crew member for Nascar. I’m on the fence where Christmas is concerned, most of the time she is not my favorite and when story time began, I kinda turned my nose up at her, I just thought “man she brags a lot”, but then I did some Google research and my thoughts dissolved into “man am I a bitch”. First, she should brag, she earned it. Secondly, I discovered that I am the problem with women in this country. Because not only should she be saying it loud and proud, but so should we, because that is an accomplishment.

During my Google exploration, I came across lots of pictures of Christmas Joy and my first reaction was “Why in the fuck did these guys not go after her?” which led me to answer my own question. . .strong woman = intimidation, it’s hard for some, I get it. BUT, I do have to wonder if the showmances and how they paired up have something to do with the way Christmas feels about those couples, particularly Jessica. Maybe, just maybe, Christmas had her eye on a certain Marine and he didn’t bite. . .just a thought. I will say this though, there is no way Cody could handle all of what Christmas brings to a relationship. He seems to need his woman a little more pliable and dare I say. . .submissive? Shout out to you, Christmas. . .that is what Pussy Power looks like.

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