BXTCHES Gotta Warn: Trying to be as honest as possible, I should probably tell you BXTCHES that I’m getting into this re-cap before even diving into last Wednesday’s or Thursday’s (the re-cap that is, I have watched both episodes). Now, I wish I had a great excuse for why that is, but I’m just gonna go with procrastination. Next on the list, since I’m still trying to get my footing right where this show is concerned, I may approach this re-cap a bit differently, I might not, it just depends on how the words flow through. Just hang on. . .I hope to make it good for y’all.
I should also probably admit a couple of things. #1: Big Brother After Dark is putting a smile on my face, so much so, that I did that they said I would do. . .I went and signed up for CBS All Access, just so I can get the live feeds. I’m not too proud to admit that and I still don’t know if I’m gonna keep it, After Dark is offering me more than the live feeds at this point. So having said that, I may just sprinkle some knowledge that I’m getting from honing my stalker capabilities. So consider this your spoiler warning.
Last Time On: As much as it shocked a BXTCH, we said goodbye to Cody, only to find out that a Battleback will be taking place between Cameron, Jillian, Cody, and whoever the evicted one is this week. I have made it no secret that I am a fan of Cody, and I will or did (depending on when you’re reading this) let you know why that is during my previous re-caps. I also believe that the powers at CBS will tailor whatever the competition may be to favor Cody, because I think it’s safe to say that he is the one that they want in the house.
Tonight On: We get the conclusion of the HOH competition and find out who the next two eviction nominees are.
Just when I’m sitting at home thinking “I could tough it out on this show”, along comes a crazy competition that has me flip flopping quicker than a politician. This one seemed rough, well rough for my fat ass, I do think I would’ve outlasted Josh and his 21 minutes. The housemates (minus Paul) were forced to stand on a wall, so to speak. All the while, they got hit with water, slime, and some other elements, while the wall would sometimes lean forward, making the task that much more difficult. In the end, it was Jason, Elena, and Alex. . .with Alex pulling out the win. It came at some sort of cost when she negotiated with Elena, but at last, the underdogs have some sort of power. Remember, during an episode last week, we learn that Christmas needs surgery and she still hasn’t been cleared to participate in this competition.
I knew going into tonight’s episode (thank you After Dark) that Jason wanted to pull Jessica over to the ones most likely to succeed. Alex is very much against this idea, she is wanting Paul to cross over. . .so there does seem to be some disagreement on how the numbers will be adding up. On Alex’s side are: Alex, Jason, Kevin, Ramses. Possibly Josh and Paul. So, the math still favors the cool kids.
During this episode, we see Jason and Jessica, who are still wearing those fucking toad costumes, come together and try to see some sort of reason. To me, this makes sense. I get it, Jessica and Alex are not BFF’s and probably never will be, but in the grand scheme of the game, is Jessica’s idea all that bad? I don’t think it is and neither does Jason. Alex however doesn’t agree with either of us.
I understand that the ones who belong to the Cool Kids Club have no idea what it feels like to wonder if you’re gonna be put up for eviction. . .well they do now. . .but in what handbook does it make it okay to approach the HOH and just flat out ask “Am I safe this week?” You know what, you’re not now, just because you asked a dumb fucking question. How about you let the winning team savor in the victory, kinda like you asshats did when Paul won HOH. And the flip side of that pancake means that the losing side needs to suffer a bit, it’s about time your balls began to sweat some. C’mon Mark, obviously your girl made a deal, surely she has clued you in on the deal, if you’re not part of the ones she is keeping safe then you are not working that dick correctly, maybe you should’ve gotten some lessons from Cody before he left, because he fucked Jess over and she’s still ready to mount him.
Jason is still trying to get Alex to keep Jessica safe, Alex isn’t biting. She claims she can’t trust Jessica, I say there is no way to take Jason serious when those big ass toad eyes are staring down at you, so maybe he should’ve waited to make his pitch once he was able to ditch the lily pads.
I need to throw a giant What The Fuck to CBS. How is it that we get to watch the HOH room reveal when Paul is gifted with the key, but when Alex wins, there is no pomp and circumstance? I may find the celebration a tad bit annoying, but at least make sure that we get annoyed by all. Please and thank you.
Paul is weaving a web of paranoia better than that BXTCH Charlotte could’ve ever done and he is starting with Mark and Dominique, using Cody as his catalyst. Just in case you missed, Paul and Alex are working a plan and it seems to be falling into place. When it came time for Elena to cash in on her deal, she asks Alex to protect: Mark, Matt, Raven, Dominique, and Paul. So basically the entirety of the whole other team. I can’t be the only one who thinks that, that shit is crazy, can I? That BXTCH must really think that her big tits are gonna get her anything she wants, I ain’t mad, just a little confused, does she know who she’s talking to? Elena leaves the room thinking that either Mark or Dom could be in trouble. You better get it while you can girl.
Just a thought: While Paul and Alex are busy figuring out their game and Matt/Raven and Mark/Elena are too busy trying to match up body parts, Kevin is going to swoop in and take the $500K. . .he is a solid rock in that house and if they are not careful, no one will be able to beat him. I’m okay with the idea of Kevin taking a chunk of cash back to Massachusetts, the way he took Ramses under his wing alone is reason enough for me to board the train he’s driving.
I guess we should get the sappy shit out of the way and I should probably disclose the following: You’re not gonna like this part of the re-cap. . .hell, you may not even like me when I’m done with it, but it needs to be said. I am not a great fan of Raven. There is something about her that just makes my forehead crinkle, I can’t put my finger on it, although that hideous extensions she put in her hair certainly didn’t help. My disdain started when Cody had to go and classify the women of the house, not her fault, I know. . .I never claimed to be fair. But fast forward to the first POV competition and she wasted no time scooping up the temptation that would keep her from becoming a Have Not, but then had the nerve to get mad at Cody for giving up. Ummm. . .kettle meet pot. And since I have been able to watch her on After Dark she is giving me a different vibe. While I’m sure she is the sweeter one of the bunch, I feel that she’s not as sweet and innocent as she or anyone else claims. Now, I do have compassion for the health issues that she is burdened with, I just don’t believe that those issues should give her a pass with how she treats others. Christmas in next on my list. When it was revealed that she needed surgery on her foot, she had the option of choosing whether or not she wanted to stay in the game, knowing that there is a possibility that she may not be able to participate in all of the competitions, she opted to stay in the house. Her decision. She is now back from surgery and has basically learned that her foot is fucked and she will not be able to do her competitions anymore. Jason is pretty torn up over this, but this ain’t his fault and she is doing nothing to put his mind at ease. She is the one who jumped on his back and decided to ride him while channeling her inner Urban Cowboy, this injury is all on her. I’m assuming everyone remaining in the house are all there for the end prize, but if they’re not careful, Christmas or Raven could be the sleeper picks, who the fuck is going to put up a girl with a fucked up foot or a girl whose has a pace maker in her stomach? A great story will go a long way when sympathy starts to play a role. I know I sound like a cold hearted snake, but this is $500k.
Paul has expertly weaved his web and Mark and Dominque took the bait. While Mark hasn’t had the opportunity to really get to know Alex, he does like her as a person and hopes that she will keep him safe this week, there was also a promise that he would keep her and Jason safe when the time came as well, but considering his big, buff self has yet to win anything, except Elena, I’m not sure how he plans on pulling that trick off. Dominique not only steps into the web, she manages to find a way to anger the one in charge. I’m not sure where Alex was headed with the vote prior to Dominique paying her a visit, she did say that they were solid, so that would lead me to think that Dominique is safe. However, Dominique decides that this would be the best time to throw Elena right under the bus. She thinks that it’s Elena who is targeting her, little does she realize that it’s the guru himself. That motherfucker is brilliant. Alex quickly realizes that loyalty may not be a quality our resident Holy one possesses and maybe she’ll take Dom’s advice and let the Holy Spirit lead her.
“I could’ve been on that wall for so much longer, but that goo messed me up.” -Ramses
“Put some balls in your pocket when he’s not looking.” -Kevin
I don’t really like to throw out spoilers, but one thing I can say is Dominque has either turned to Jesus during this difficult time or she was so blindsided by the vote, she has sequestered herself. I have only been able to tune into After Dark several times and Dominique is usually no where to be found. I’m not all that familiar with the Holy Bible, but I’m pretty sure our Homeboy would frown upon the way Dominique decided to handle herself. The irony is not lost when she told Alex to follow the Holy Spirit. She has had an issue with Elena from almost the beginning, she made it clear to Mark that Elena does not really like the relationship between the two of them and now I can’t help but wonder if the true issue leans more towards Dominique feeling some stuff for Mark.
So far, I love the show. But the one thing I have a hard time digesting is how two-faced these guys are. With the exception of Jason and Jessica, everyone wanted to see Jessica put up for eviction. She knew, we knew it, they knew it. . .but once it’s announced, hugs are being dished out like this is a goddamn Baskin Robbins. And don’t come at me with the compassion bullshit, because they may be hugging her with sympathy now, but when it comes time to cast a vote, I can guaran-fucking-tee that her name will come out of their mouths. I’m not a huge fan of Jessica and I don’t blame Alex for putting her up, but she really isn’t a threat, so I’m not sure how this yet factors into her long game. What will be interesting is if Jessica is evicted, will that now work in Cody’s favor for the Battleback or will the Marine be content just being under the same roof as the one he loves? I’ll guess we just have to wait and see.
There was an episode of After Dark where Cody and Jessica were having a moment and he told her that he would like to see her eyebrows bushier and he would also like to see her more in her natural state. After watching her eyelash hang on for dear life during the HOH competition, I think America is ready start a petition making the same request.