BXTCHES Gotta Warn: Just a friendly reminder that this BXTCH isn’t 100% caught up on the lingo, so please be patient. Tonight’s episode is kicking off week #2 and so much has already gone down. The good news? I do believe that I will be able to fly right through these re-caps (at least I think so), so hopefully these will start to get posted the night of.
Last Week On: Like I said, some shit went down. The doors were barely closed before the house became divided and it was that division that ultimately did Megan in. And also her knack for telling a lie, but regardless the pressure was too much and that BXTCH is out. Now, if I was Jillian, I’d be looking her up when this experiment was done to possibly issue a pussy punch. I mean c’mon, she knew no one really liked her, the least she could’ve done was stick around and let the guys evict her and take one for her friend. But what do I know, I’m still sore from getting my Big Brother cherry popped last week. But her departure did leave a vacancy and Cody being the kind soul he is, put Alex up. The sexual tension is getting tightly pulled, because it didn’t take long for these guys to find the one they want to cuddle up to. We were also introduced to the Den of Temptation and America has voted for Paul to be tempted with the Pendant of Protection, which would guarantee him safety for three weeks. . .of course, he jumped all over that shit. But, by him wrapping himself up in it, the house will now face a consequence.
Tonight On: It’s time for the Veto Competition.
The show kicks off with the end of the nomination process that had Alex going up against Jillian for eviction. As soon as that is out of the way, it’s time for the whispers to begin. On a side note: I don’t get the whispering. Surely they realize that we are in fact watching, what’s the point of the hush hush, I can’t become HOH, so what should it matter what I hear, though it would be very cool if that were a possibility. We quickly learn that Jessica may have a bit of jealousy towards Alex. . .I know, I was shocked as well. But apparently she felt that Cody got emotional when having to nominate Alex and that just isn’t sitting well the beauty.
Paul wastes no time in approaching Cody in his room to discuss the decision to put Alex up. We can say what we want about Cody, but that motherfucker’s hygiene skills are on point. Almost the entire time Paul is talking, Cody is brushing. So kudos Cody, way to send America a PSA. Paul may be following the power, Cody just isn’t biting.
Alex may have found a kindred spirit in Jason. Or at least someone with the same agenda. They have found a common ground and it’s getting rid of the showmances. I think that’s an agenda we can all get behind. Now, Cody is really stirring up some mixed feelings in a BXTCH. First, he ranks Alex in the lower tier of the house, making it known (to us) that his alliance would only include the ‘babes’, then he jumbles that up a bit when he works out with Alex, trying to feel her out, because we know that he is looking to hopefully pull her over, but once their sex position workout is complete, she made it very clear that she would break up the hotties if given the chance, which is what prompted Cody to put her up for eviction. Now, he’s doling out hugs and issuing Alex an apology for putting her up. He is definitely tangling himself up with some remorse, something that I’m sure will force Jessica to cut off any water she has been providing for a very thirsty Cody. Cody does ask Alex how come she hasn’t come over to his side and her response was perfect. . .“The girls don’t like me.”
It’s now time to face the consequence that Paul triggered when he accepted the Pendant of Protection. And I actually believe that I may have already revealed this part during my “Week One Recap”, oops. Anywho, when Paul accepted the temptation, he was forced to randomly select a number, he had no idea what number it was or who it would correlate to, the number that he chose was 2. Now, the houseguests much each enter the Den, one by one, if they enter first, then their number is 1, if they enter second, then their number is 2, and so on. There is no scientific method used to designate numbers, they line up and enter in that order. When entering the den, one must place their hand into the mouth of a giant snake. Shout out to G.O.D, CBS is really running with this whole Garden of Eden theme. If the eyes on the snake light up green, they are in the clear, if the eyes light up blue, they then learn what the consequence is. In this case, the consequence forces the housemate to place him or herself on the chopping block, at any point in the next three weeks as a third nominee. Remember, no one knows that it’s Paul who accepted the temptation, just like no one will know who received the consequence. This is of course, unless they want others to know or it’s necessary for them to tell. It is Ramses who finds himself on the wrong side of temptation. On a side note: Ladies, you’re setting us back some. I don’t like snakes either, but it’s quite obvious that the monstrosity that you are placing your hand in, is in fact fake. And let me go out on a limb and say that I’m quite sure it’s not the worse place your hand has ever been. Calm those tits a little.
Only six people get to participate. . .the HOH. . .the two nominees (Jillian and Alex). . .then each of them draw a name. So joining those three are: Matt, Raven, and Jason. Cody selects Kevin as the host. Alex is pretty stoked about Jason, because she is confident that if he wins, he will save her. One thing that I’m not quite clear on is whether or not the person who wins POV is safe EVEN if they save another person. I’ll have to do some research on that. In his confessional, Cody does admit that it’s not Alex that he wants to see leave. He doesn’t say Jillian either, but it’s pretty easy to deduce that he is not a super fan of Paul and from the confessions that he has made, he is eager to get rid of him. Once the cool kids all convene in Cody’s room, they all agree that the POV line-up is perfect and there is no way that either Jillian or Alex will be coming off the block, Cody agrees, but like with all cliques, he is just saying what it is that he thinks they want to hear. I’m not too sure who it is that sits and comes up with some of these competitions, it could be the same ones who are coming up with the dates over on The Bachelor/ette, but since that’s two different networks, that wouldn’t make too much sense. Whoever it is, is certainly high on life as well as some other herbs. Without going into great detail (because I don’t know if I can put the competition into the right words), I’ll just give a rundown. Each contestant must outfit themselves in swimwear, flippers, and goggles and start at their individual water pod. They will wade through a small ‘pond’ and in the process collect starfish and carry them to the other side of the ‘pond’ to their station. The goal is to stack the starfish on their stand and as long as there is water in their pod, then they can stack as many starfish as they have collected. When the water is all out, how ever many starfish is stacked on their stand, will be counted towards their total. Any starfish that has fallen, will not count. I guess it wouldn’t be a competition without a temptation offered and this one was no exception. The first houseguest to collect the golden starfish and place it on their stand would be safe from being a Have Not for the entire summer. . .the consequence would be eliminating themselves from winning the Power of Veto. Way to dangle the sin CBS. It doesn’t take much to tempt Raven, she snags the golden star and keeps herself and her digestive system safe from whatever the shit is that those poor motherfuckers are forced to eat. I feel like that explanation was about as clear as mud, but I hope it made some sense. It doesn’t take long to realize that this is another competition that is going to come down to Alex and Cody, and since Cody wants to see Alex stick around, he gives up, while not really giving up. It was more of him looking over to Alex and realizing that there is no way he’ll be able to beat her. However, Jessica Just Tits watched Cody kinda give up and that BXTCH is none too happy with her Boo.
While it was obvious that Cody wasn’t really going to win the POV competition, he did kinda throw in the towel and that isn’t sitting too well with Alex. When she confronts him, he doesn’t really answer her, just telling her that he has exposed himself and that he has a plan. Jessica and Dominique are discussing Cody and the competition and they both are starting to question their leader. When the plastics meet up in the HOH room, Alex is on the brain. I gotta say that I’m confused by their shock. That BXTCH outlasted everyone but Cody when their bodies were stretched to the limit on the trapeze. Did they really think that she wouldn’t be capable of hopping through some water to collect starfish and stack those fuckers up? Raven took the temptation, Matt was only able to stack 10, Jason was on team Alex, which only left Cody as the sole member of the Mean Girl squad. The numbers were clearly on Alex’s side. Paul joins in and suggests that Cody now put up Jason or Ramses for eviction, since those two are pretty close to Alex, with Jason being the closest. I’m starting to see the genius that is Paul, when Matt tells him that he is “100% right”, Paul responds with “but, I could also be wrong.” I guess experience may play an important role after all. Cody really believes that Paul is playing him and that’s a game that he doesn’t want any part of.
Jessica is down for a heart to heart with Cody and apparently the best way for that convo to go down is for her va-jay-jay to speak directly to his goods, because she is kicking off this discussion sitting astride his hips. I ain’t mad at ya girl. Jessica makes it pretty clear that she is worried that he is looking out too much for Alex, when the best course of action would’ve been to send Alex home. Cody does his best to reassure her that all is smooth sailing where their group is concerned, well as best as he can fully clothed.
Once again Paul joins Cody in the HOH bedroom and once again Cody is brushing the fuck out his teeth. This really bodes well for Jessica Just Tits and the American Dental Association. . .they should really jump all over this. Cody may be somewhat of an asshole, but he’s rocking the shirtless look (I have yet to see him fully covered-I’m not complaining, just taking notice) and his teeth are as white as my legs (trust, that’s pretty fucking white). I do think that Cody is not giving Paul enough credit. The point of Paul’s visit was to try and find out who it is that Cody was going to nominate, because no one yet knows that Paul holds the protection pendant. Cody is locked up tight and is not sharing a damn thing with Paul.
Jason takes his turn to service Cody a bit and Cody tells him that he will not put him up for eviction as long as if Jason wins the HOH, that he will not nominate Dominique or any of the couples, which with the exception of Christmas or Paul, would leave Jason having to put up his own peeps for eviction. JFC, Cody must have a very tasty dick.
The Holy Shit moment of the show goes to Cody. While he is laying in bed, stroking his one and only (I’m actually referring to Jessica, not his dick), he slips up and calls her ‘Alex’ and man alive, what a glorious moment that was. Just Tits is already a little suspicious of his relationship with Alex and him calling her by the enemy’s name is bad enough, but doing it while they are cuddled up in bed together. . .well, I think we all know how bad that was.
Even a Big Brother virgin (well, not anymore) like myself can figure out that Alex is using her power for herself. When it came time for Cody to nominate yet another person, he quickly puts Paul up. This would equate to a necessary moment for Paul to reveal his Pendant and I don’t even think that saying the house was shocked could do the expressions justice. So, when Cody is forced to yet again, nominate. . .he quickly informs Christmas that she just got screwed and if I thought they were shocked by Paul’s news, it’s nothing on the how they feel about Christmas being put up for eviction.
“Cody you just lit a fire under my butt and if I win that Power of Veto, I comin’ for ya.” -Alex
“I might be a rodeo clown, but I’m absolutely no fool.” -Jason
“If you want a showmance, go on The Bachelor.” -Alex
“This competition is tougher than a woodpecker’s lips.” -Jason
“Hey Cody, you wanna see my showmance? The power of veto.” -Alex
I gotta say, I was very much anti-Cody last week and he hasn’t done much to persuade me this week, but I think I may be coming around. I think it’s his friendliness towards Alex that may be doing me in. I don’t yet have a fav, but I am impressed by Alex and hope that she is going to keep as much integrity as possible moving forward.
So far, so good. I do think I’m handling things well. If anything is going to bother me, it’s gonna be the meanness that this game marinates in. I enjoy two hot people hooking up as much as the next BXTCH (eye roll here), and while I’m quite certain getting deep dicked would be beneficial, I would think being nice would be the better strategy. I’m well aware that I need a few more private moments with the show, those are just my feelings at this point.