Episode Nine | 07.25.16

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BXTCHES Gotta Warn: First things first, this is not a good night (Monday) for television, well not necessarily bad, just busy. Of course, we have The Bachelorette. . .then we have the DNC. . .and last, a Texas Ranger game is also on tonight, so super busy. But, since Jojo is stressing me the fuck out, I am recording the DNC, watching The Bachelorette, and will have to catch the Rangers in highlights or on the re-air. Not that you needed to know all of that, but I felt like sharing, so there you have it.

Last week on. . .ABC left us high, dry, and wanting more at the end of last weeks episode. Jojo confessed that it was going to be Luke going home, then Luke stepped in and confessed his love to Jojo, which made the whole process even that much more daunting. So, let’s get right into to the rose ceremony that was robbed from us last week.

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The drama picked right back up and when Jojo was done, it was Luke’s heart that was breaking. Luke was in complete shock, after every date and all of the time he has spent with Jojo, there is not a snowballs chance in Texas that he saw this coming. Jojo was obviously upset, but it appeared to this BXTCH that she was having to push some tears along that flawless made up face. In the end she did seem as if she was having second thoughts and the tears did flow a bit easier, but I think it’s mainly because Luke was so confused as to why he was the one packing his bags. And to be honest, this BXTCH was too. More on that in my final thoughts, but I’m coming for you Jojo.

This week is the much anticipated overnight dates #fantasysuites and up first is Robby.

Well it seems that all heartache over cutting Luke loose is gone and once Jojo and Robby get the “I missed you so much” out of the way, their date takes them to what appears to be some sort of street market with food selections that I’m sure were adventuresome, but looked questionable at best #americansaresuchsnobs. While Jojo and Robby are perusing the streets of Thailand, some of Robby’s confessional is coming through on a voice over and of course, the pretty boy continues with the “I’m falling for her more and more, every time I see her” AND “she hasn’t told me that she loves me, but I just know that she does” (I’m paraphrasing for you BXTCHES). The rain does come pouring down #itsanomengirl, which forces them to get pedicures together and also gives Robby a chance to talk about the hometown date and everything that went down with the ex-girlfriend truth rumors. He also uses this time to tell Jojo how honest he has been with her and his proof. . .Uruguay. . .which is where he first told her he loved her #thatsnotwhathonestymeans, but our girl has a super strong pair of rose colored glasses on, because she falls for Robby hard and he makes sure he is there to catch her. The nighttime takes them to a very romantic dinner, that they of course do not eat, with a really weird conversation (well, for this BXTCH anyway). Once again, Jojo brings up Ben and how it was during this time on that season that she poured out her love for him and he returned it, but she wound up on the outside looking in and while Jojo is happy that Robby was the first one to tell her he loved her (that must mean it’s true, right) and how that #honesty allowed her to open up to him more, she admits that she does have concerns. #thisBXTCHcannotkeepupwiththatBXTCH When they sit down to dinner, conversation moves more towards his family and what they think about Jojo and him being in love. Okay, this BXTCH is going to need a moment. . .a moment to pull in my “what the actual fuck” meter and try to come at this with a more diplomatic viewpoint. Robby claims that his family knew he was in love by just looking at him, #thatsaclosefuckingfamily but the closer is this. . .apparently Robby’s father, at some point during Robby’s stay, wrote him a note and snuck it into Robby’s back pocket and how fantastic is it, that he has brought it all the way to Thailand with him so he can share those truly wonderful words with his Jojo. #thatscalledsarcasmBXTCHES Look, while I promised during Ben’s season to not be so cynical during this process, Robby has forced me to loose all good sense. (Diplomatic Merrie, Diplomatic) Since the show referred to Robby’s dad as “Coach Hayes”, my detective skills tell me that he must coach some sort of sport. . .now does anyone know a coach that is going to opt to write a note to his son or his athlete, over giving him a pep talk? Hell no, especially when it’s dealing with something like love. A coach is going to tell you to “pull up your big girl panties and go get your girl, boy”. While we may have all been sitting at home, yelling at the T.V., tweeting about how there is no way that Jojo is going to believe this nonsense, Jojo put on her “Robby is the one, even though he is obviously on this show to find anything BUT love, but he’s pretty and he told me he loved me not even four months after ending a four year relationship and he knew his love for me ran deep, in spite of the fact that I was in a relationship with multiple men and my time with #prettyboy had been limited at best but I know his love for me is the real thing, so I believe this note that his father wrote him is the sweetest thing ever, even though he didn’t have the nerve to actually hand it to him and instead tucked it away in the back pocket of his #missmejeans glasses on. Oh, and he gave Jojo the note. . .a little Bachelorette memento if you will, he is so sweet. The time comes for Jojo to offer Robby the key to unlock the fantasy pussy suite and of course, he accepts. One on one with the camera, Robby confesses the following: “Jojo gives me the fantasy suite card and now I don’t have to dream about Jojo anymore. I get to dream with Jojo, I get to lay next to her, you know, tell her goodnight, kiss her goodnight, and get to know the Joelle that I wanna spend the rest of my life with.” BXTCH translation: “I no longer have to rub one out while fantasizing about what Jojo looks like naked. I’m actually going to see those lush puppies up close and personal and since I know her well enough already to express my undying, forever love to her, I now get to sink balls deep into her #fantasypussy and Joelle will really know what my #prettyboylove is all about.” One more thing pretty boy. . .maybe if you would’ve shown Hope (the ex) a fraction of the love you are putting on display for Jojo, she probably wouldn’t have BXTCH slapped your pretty ass, but that’s assuming that your story about the elusive ex lady is true and you really did come to The Bachelorette for your shot at true, everlasting love and not to just try to make a run at becoming the #nextbachelor, but I digress. . .of course it was all about getting down on one knee. #sillyBXTCHhugeegosarefordicks Not that I want to cut Robby’s time short, but for the sake of my sanity and ability to dole out the sarcasm, a BXTCH has to do-what a BXTCH has to do. He stays overnight with Jojo and I’m sure it is no shock to ANYONE, that Robby got a piece of Jojo that she is likely to share with two other guys. 

Jordan is up next and his moment starts on the beach. First, it’s time to become one with nature and sweat like a pig, because Jojo and Jordan are going on a hike. I’m not sure who planned this particular date, but I’m thinking someone should be fired. For crying out loud, surely whoever the genius was, realized that the end of this date would find two people in bed, getting really acquainted for the very first time ever and what better way to do that than covered in sweat and with muscles aching, right? I know, I know, they will take a shower, but still. Even though I said all of that, Jordan and Jojo do have a certain comfortability with one another, one that I think was needed to have this sort of date. They do converse about hometowns and what Jordan can expect with meeting Jojo’s family. Jordan confesses to Jojo that he has always thought when he looked into the eyes of the father (of the girl he loves), he would just know that her dad can be assured that he is going to protect her and love her for the rest of his life. Jojo admits that from the minute she and Jordan met, there was an instant connection. . .instant chemistry, that it’s so easy to imagine a future with him in it, and as a viewer of the show, I can attest that the spark between Jojo and Jordan was lit from the word go and hasn’t really snuffed out AT ALL. BUT, Jojo is still questioning whether or not Jordan is really able to offer that commitment. As I wrinkle my forehead and give the good ole “what the fuck” squint, I must tell you that Jojo is really confusing a BXTCH. She wonders if Jordan is “too good to be true?” I think she’s getting Jordan confused with Robby. Let’s recap. . .Jojo is still claiming to wonder whether or not Jordan is in it for real, for the long haul, but she’s completely certain about Robby, holy shitballs, I need a drink. . .of the liver damage kind. Back to the date. So dinner brings even more doubt for Jojo. In her confessional she claims that the date (so far) has been the best one in terms of getting to really know Jordan, now there has yet to really be a moment between Jojo and Jordan that didn’t end with steam coming from the T.V., so if she feels that this date was the best. . .then the #fantasysuite is sure to get a workout. But, she says that, and for something to be so magnetic and on the plus side for Jojo, just for her to turn it around and question everything that has developed between her and Jordan up to that point, makes it very difficult to keep up with her. The conversation really turns to things that I have actually been dying to hear all season. First let me say this, Jordan is saying everything a viewer like me would want to hear. He’s already told her about being able to assure her dad that he will step into the husband role with every expectation a father would want, if not more. He then tells Jojo how important it is to go to her father and discuss his desire to marry his daughter, all so very sweet, even if people believe that it was fake (I’m not sure if I’m on that fan page yet), but it was the right thing to say at the right time. Now for the question I’ve been waiting for Jojo to ask Jordan “what does the next year look like for you?”. I think that this question is important for many reasons, but the main one being. . .the long term plan, right?  I mean, is she relocating or is he relocating? Who will be more flexible with their job? More importantly, she didn’t ask the same question of Robby, which is very telling, but anyway, let’s talk about the answer. Jordan answers honestly and says “Umm. . .that’s a tough question to answer”, he goes onto to say that it depends and he can’t say 100% what things are going to look like. This answer just fuels Jojo’s already raging inferno of a theory, so one has to wonder if she is looking for excuses to let Jordan go, who knows, I’m gonna put my detective skills to work a bit later. But, let’s not freak out yet, because he does follow it up with him not having and not really needing a home base, so he can be wherever Jojo is, which again, seems like the right answer, but when Jordan says that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her, she comes back with a “that’s what Ben said”, even though, I’m not sure Ben said those actual words. But, it’s bad form for anybody to throw an ex into the face of a current boyfriend, #reasonswhysheissingle. She asks him how he knows that she is his forever and he lays it on with. . .he is a better person with her. . .if feels different now compared to when he thought he was in love before. . .when he imagines dropping to one knee and saying those four final words, it’s her. . .so, applause to Jordan, while this BXTCH thinks that every answer he played tonight in “Who Wants to be Jojo’s Fiancee” was spot on, we have yet to see if it swayed the opinion of the only one that matters. There must’ve been something else she wants to see however, because she gives him the very coveted invite to the #fantasysuite. When the morning light comes shining in, Jojo asks Jordan “what are you thinking after last night?” and Jordan’s reply was. . .“it was exactly everything I needed”, now surely you don’t need any kind of “BXTCH translation” for that one. On a side note: I don’t think there are many women (or men for that matter) who would put up a fight waking up next to the bare chested Jordan Rodgers. . .good lord, how disappointing would it be if there night alone WASN’T “exactly everything Jojo needed”?

BXTCH side commentary: One of her many concerns is Jordan’s lifestyle and how he has a job that takes him all around. I have no idea what this job is, since the occupation listed is “Former Pro Football Player” and last I checked, the only place that takes you is your couch and #faileddreams. Here is why I’m pissed. We are down to the final three guys, ready to make it official and pick out the diamond and this BXTCH is just now having this particular conversation. Call me a crazy BXTCH, but shouldn’t this be something that you’ve discussed on the multiple one-on-one dates that you’ve been on or maybe even a conversation that happened before you decided to declare her your one and only. It’s also very unfair for Jojo to bring this up now. If you are so desperate for a husband, and let’s face it, that is what it is, then guess what marriage is about. . .compromise. You have to be willing to make sacrifices that aren’t comfortable but are worth it. . .because the one you wake up with is the one you were meant to be with and if you can’t see that, then. . .Let.Him.Go #marriageadvicefromdrBXTCH
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Well, Chase is last and his arrival comes via a motor scooter, who is coming up with this shit? Jojo admits that she is excited for her date with Chase and even goes on to say that at the end of the hometowns, Chase admitted to falling in love with her and if things continue to progress, then she can see herself falling in love with Chase, you know the common theme this season. Like the other two guys, Chase and Jojo greet one another like long lost lovers. . .very passionate. . .very believable. Things take off on the water, lots of kissing, actually lots of kissing in this entire episode, everything with Chase and Jojo seems to be going really well. They take the date to the beach, where they enjoy a great conversation. While Jojo may not have interrogated Chase like she did Jordan, they did talk about the hometown visit, the last rose ceremony and got in a bit of yib-yabbing #yogaissexy. During her one-on-one with the camera, she does nothing but compliment Chase and make declarations that would leave a BXTCH to believe that Robby and Jordan should go ahead and pack it up, well a BXTCH would be wrong. Now, I’m sure you know exactly where I’m going with this, but since I had to live through it, I’m gonna walk you through it. I am pretty far away from being on #teamrobby, but he cracked that divide wide open when he shows up to Jojo’s hotel room, right in the middle of Chase’s date. Coach Hayes is not giving his boy the right kind of advice. He claims that he just missed her and that BXTCH did nothing to kick him out. A note from one BXTCH to another. . .desperation is not sexy and it usually reeks of something more, something not so genuine. There is no way that Robby is not overly compensating for something, and for once, I’m not making any innuendos. But, I am wondering if Robby’s visit didn’t play a part in the nighttime portion of Jojo’s date with Chase. The dinner starts off really well. . .Chase gives a very sweet toast, conversation turns to their date, they are sweating profusely, they talk about fear and what it is that has Chase scared, to which he confesses that by being with her and touching her and kissing her and loving her, the fear is not really there anymore. It couldn’t have been said better if ABC scripted it themselves. She offers him the #fantasysuite, he accepts and hopefully things are going to come take off. Well, things take off alright, just not in the direction that I’m sure Chase envisioned. So, it’s time to rip the band-aid off. Chase tells Jojo that he is 100% in love with her, then goes on to say that he has never been the first one to take that particular walk on the plank. After every confession Chase has given her, all of his fears, all of his insecurities, all of his secrets, Jojo actually tells him that him telling her he loved her doesn’t have her feeling the way that she thought it would. STOP THE FUCKING BUS!! You have got to be kidding me ABC. Let’s just hash it out right here, I’ve been going back and forth with a brother on Facebook tonight, so this BXTCH is ret to go! Chase did tell Jojo that he loved her during the hometowns, what the fuck did she feel then? Not to mention, that during the whole date, all she did was rave on and on about how great the date was and how fantastic Chase is. What was she feeling then? Let’s not pretend that we don’t all know what goes down in the #fantasysuite, we know damn good and well, that clothes are coming off and dicks are going on an adventure. What was she feeling when she offered that up? Yes, she offered him the key, then said “I don’t think so”. I would like to commend Chase, because he is pissed. Most of the guys that Jojo has broken it off with, take it like a chump, but not Chase. Our boy calls her out on her knowing how reluctant he is to say “I love you” and she allows him to basically fall on the sword that has caused him to build up the wall around his intimacy and that has put the spotlight on the personal pain that he carries. #thataintnoBXTCHthatsabitch. The sad thing about the whole ordeal is Jojo tried to make it about her. He said what he needed to say, then got up and walked away, and since she didn’t get the consolation from Chase that she has gotten from every other guy, she goes after him, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. . .someone get ahold of her quick. She is so hung up on the words, that she is overlooking the actions. Case in point. . .#prettyboy. It’s time to get Chase elected to be #thenextbachelor.

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The rose ceremony kicks off with just Jordan and Robby, both of which wondering where the other musketeer is. Jojo breaks it to them that she broke it off with Chase, just as Chase is coming down the stairs. Keep it in your pants, it’s not a sweep her off her feet declaration, he’s just there to apologize for the way he reacted #hannahmontanasaywhat. While I’m not anti-apology, I don’t think in this case that Chase owed her one. Now, rumor (not sure whose) has it that the producers told Chase to go back and apologize because it would look better to the female demographic and help his campaign run to become #thenextbachelor. Well, those producers must be male, because coming from a female, Chase handled it in the best way. Jojo needed to hear the brutally honest things that Chase said to her. I’m not saying that his apology lessens my vote, I’m just saying that it wasn’t necessary.

We’re down to Jordan and Robby and if the previews are anything to go by, it’s gonna be an intense finale.

The Bachelor/ette | Quotes of the show | www.bxtchesbeblogging.comTonight, the whole show is the fucking quote.

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During my watch party, which only consists of my sister, her kiddos and my offspring (we throw a helluva party), we take the role of detective very seriously, so let me run a theory by you (thanks again, little sis). After seeing Jojo interact with Jordan’s family, she seemed pretty hung-up on why the Rodgers clan is estranged from Aaron, which I thought was a bit obsessive, but then my sister may have cracked the code. Of course these are all rumors and I have no affiliation with Jojo, Jordan, or any member or acquaintance of the Rodgers fam. It is well known that Aaron and Olivia Munn are dating, it is rumored that Jordan’s ex-girlfriend, the one he allegedly cheated on, is friends with Olivia (there is an instagram photo of them together). So maybe, just maybe, Jordan did cheat and it really pissed off Olivia and a pissed off girlfriend makes a pissed off boyfriend and Aaron took the side of his girl at the dismay of his family. Let’s not forget that it has been “reported” (in the tabloids) that the sole reason Jordan even went on The Bachelorette was to become #thenextbachelor. Now, I’m not saying that it’s true or false and maybe he did go on the show with that goal, but fell in love in the process. Who really knows, I jut think it’s a theory worth exploring.

Okay Jojo, girl you are wearing on a BXTCH! I need to take lamaze classes just to breathe my way through my frustrations. First, I was pretty shocked that you had Luke pack his bags. I understand that things are edited to get more ratings, but you can’t edit that kind of captivation, the kind of allurement that you and Luke had when together. I guarantee you that those sitting at home, knew Luke had love for you without him having to utter the “I love you” that you were so determined to hear. It’s about actions, not words. You put Chase in a very difficult, not to mention uncomfortable position, because you needed to hear the affirmation, even though it was put on display week after week. He didn’t really know how to express those three, all important words, but he understood how to show them. Actions always speak louder than words. When you claim that you trust in Robby more because he was so quick on the trigger in his eagerness to be the first one to say those three magical words, did you even worry that he just got out of a four year relationship? But even if we put that aside because at that time, you really didn’t know, he shared his feelings with you in Uruguay and if my memory is correct, that was your first one-on-one date with Robby, ONE DATE and he loves you? Girl, it’s not about the words, it’s about the action. When his ex-girlfriend does finally come up, he gives you two different stories, you meet his family and once again, your talking about his past relationship, but he assures you that you are the one, you are the woman he is meant to be with. Filming started around mid March, it is currently the end of July, so being generous, I can say that you have known Robby for four months, most of which, you are/were dating multiple men, but he knows you well enough to declare you to be like no other girl he has ever met? Jojo, it’s okay to be skeptical, it’s okay to be inquisitive, but you are allowing his words to cloud his actions. Part of me does believe that the reason you chose Jordan and Robby for the final two is because you are in it for the exposure as much as those two are. Side note: I do think you and Jordan have some serious compatibility. If you happened to fall in love in the process, then I applaud you and I don’t think anyone should ever settle for anything less that what is deserved, so get yours. If you want the fairytale, go for it. But, I’m afraid you’re more interested in the fairytale and not the work that goes into a marriage, a marriage that must be built on compromise and love and patience and passion and frustration and trust and friendship. It doesn’t take much to say “I do”, it takes everything to prove that “I do” means forever. Because in the end, “I do”. . .they’re just words.

Sign off Tag

Remember, The Bachelorette airs on ABC Mondays at 7pm CENTRAL and 8pm EASTERN. August 1 is the season finale, immediately followed by After the Final Rose.

 

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Episode Eight | 07.18.2016

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.comIt's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com
BXTCHES Gotta Warn: Well this is it, the episode we’ve been anxiously anticipating. . .Hometowns. This episode had this BXTCH in a tizzy. I can’t even believe that I used that word, but that is what it was. . .a BXTCH tizzy. The previews leading up to tonight indicated that Robby was going to have to answer some serious questions about his ex and Jordan was going to be confronted with the strife between his family and Aaron. So, why wait, let’s get this going.

Last week on. . .Last week was emotional, we lost Alex and James. Even though I understood the choice to send James home, my heart certainly broke for him. I was never a big fan of Alex, so him saying goodbye did not crack the tear ducts of this BXTCH.

ABC offers us no foreplay this week, they just dive in, balls deep. Up first tonight is Chase.

Chase lives in Highlands Ranch, Colorado and that is where Jojo is meeting up with him. Before bringing Jojo to meet the parents, Chase decides to have some hot chocolate (well, at least I think that’s what it was) on a very picturesque cliff, so he’s kicking it off right by giving Jojo a tiny glimpse to what life as Jojo McNary would be like. He uses this time to talk to Jojo about his parents divorce and how that has affected him in his adult life. He opens up about how bad the divorce was (very) and why it is he has put up a wall. The conversation must have went well, because it ends with a bit of kissing. Before meeting Chase’s parents, he takes her back to his house, which is where he is going to have his dad meet Jojo. On a side note: Chase is doing quite well for himself and from the looks of his house, he is certainly anticipating a future with a family. I actually liked the meeting with Chase’s dad, it seemed very genuine. Chase does ask his dad (in front of Jojo) why his marriage with his mom didn’t work. That seemed an awfully strange question to ask, considering that Chase is 27 years old and maybe it should be a question asked in private and way before this very public stage. If he’s a little apprehensive towards emotional intimacy, then the Dr. Phil in me says you should’ve taken care of those issues prior to revealing them to the world, but I’m not Dr. Phil, just a BXTCH with an opinion. In fairness to Chase and his family, his dad seems to answer the question with complete honesty and he took the blame for the failed marriage. Chase and his dad have a little one-on-one where his dad asks him “what if it’s not you”, Chase refuses to look at any “what if’s” at this point. On a side note: There is a guitar in the corner of the basement. . .Does he have the hotness and musical gene? Throw the BXTCHES a bone. . .pretty  please. His dad also makes sure that Chase realizes how any decision that he makes can and will affect other people. This hometown seems to be striking something in Chase, during the entire “meeting with dad”, it seems as if Chase has a whole lot of unshed tears, so maybe just maybe, there’s a whole lot of past affecting his future. All in all, a pretty good meeting with parent #1. Now it’s time to bring in the one who really counts. I mean, no offense to the daddy-o’s out there, but let’s face it. . .if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. Chase and Jojo arrive to meet mom (Sandy) sister (Brittany) bil (Bryan) stepdad (Brad) and nephew (Everett), so it’s definitely a house full. Mom pulls Jojo away first and the conversation really just leans towards Chase and him expressing his feelings through actions rather than words. . .his mom talks a bit about how hard the divorce was. . .it didn’t get too terribly deep. On a side note: If Jojo does pick Chase in the end and a wedding follows, rest assured between Chase’s mom and Jojo’s mom, craziness will ensue, I just hope someone gets the Cha Cha Slide on video. Chase and his sister have a little alone time, another conversation that kicks off with his parents divorce, I’m starting to see some therapy in his future. Anyway, the talk turns towards saying “I love you” to someone, which his sister seems to share the same hiccup when it comes to saying the big word. When Chase sits down with his mom, things become a bit emotional. Chase’s mom seems to really like Jojo and seems to be really supportive of Chase,  in wherever his heart may lead him. The unshed tears finally fall, so I’m sure every girl watching had their own moment of #marrymechase. In the end and as awkward as it was, Chase gives Jojo the old “I’m falling in love with you” line and maybe that’s what Jojo needed to hear before she takes it all off for Chase #fantasysuites. On a side note: If Chase isn’t picked in the end, he made a very good campaign run for becoming the next Bachelor.

Up next. . .Jordan and Chico, California. From the word go, you can feel the chemistry between these two. You can’t fake that kind of excitement. On a side note: #skinnyjeansaintformen, please take that into consideration in the future, Jordan. Their first trip is back to Jordan’s high school and a trip down Rodger’s memory lane. They get a little making out time in the library, where Jordan pushes Jojo into some books before meeting her lip to lip. #upagainstthewall, must be Jordan’s battle cry, because it seems as if that is where he finds himself with Jojo an awful lot #fantasysuites. Once in the coach’s office, they walk into a literal version of #tbt. There are pictures everywhere and enough of Jordan that makes a BXTCH wonder if some redecorating was done right before this visit. Jojo does notice a picture of Aaron on the wall and points it out and Jordan just brushes it off (but more on that later). They then pop a squat on the bleachers and Jojo again asks about Aaron, Jordan basically tells her that there really isn’t anything to talk or worry about and that his family is excited to meet her. They arrive at the Rodgers homestead where Jojo gets to meet Jordan’s mom (Darla), dad (Ed), brother (Luke), and Luke’s gf (Lindsay).  On a side note: Lindsay girl, that hair looks like it belongs in Texas, on a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader #wedoeverythingbiggerinTexas. This family dinner was a bit awkward, which I suppose is expected, but I was hoping that the allure that exists between Jordan and Jojo would carry over to the family. We did learn that Jordan was the “spicy child”, which I guess is better than calling your kids assholes. Luke takes Jojo away first and immediately the talk turns to Aaron (see below) then it turns into Luke “selling” Jordan’s attributes to Jojo, which I’m quite sure weren’t necessary, like at all. When it comes time for Jordan and Luke to have a little brother bonding, Luke just wants to make sure that Jojo is the one that makes Jordan happy, it was all very sweet, so I guess Aaron is missing out. Jojo’s talk with the pop was very typical, but went well. Just the traditional. . .I care for him. . .he’s a great guy. . .I know he’s worked for what he’s earned and he didn’t get it because of his brother (we can’t get one family member to not bring up Aaron, fuck, how many times have I typed his name?). . .Jordan gets a moment to discuss things with his mother, which was really her talking about how excited she was for him. The night ends well, but Jordan does admit in his confessional “It would have been nice to share Jojo with not only my parents and my brother Luke, but you know, Aaron as well.” I guess we couldn’t end things without one more mention of the brother who I refuse to now name. She does admit (to the camera, not Jordan) that she wants to tell Jordan that she loves him too, but the old wounds from Ben are still seeping in when that desire possesses her. . .good God girl, Let.It.Go, I mean, I don’t think she should be shouting love from the rooftops, you shouldn’t be saying the big word because you’re dating four men, albeit four very hot men, but that’s three too many at this point. Let’s leave Ben out of this one. While the night was certainly ending on a positive note, Jojo decides to bring up the same insecurities that she has voiced with Jordan almost from the beginning. She has this worry that Jordan isn’t serious about this, which leads me to believe that she is feeding into the tabloid lore that has been surrounding Jordan and his supposed reason for being on the show, which if rumor is to be believed, is to become #thenextbachelor. I guess we hove no choice but to wait it out, because from what ABC has shown in the finale preview, Jojo is upset with someone and this BXTCH has to wonder if that someone is Jordan??

BXTCH side commentary: Okay, I guess we’ve got to talk about the cheesehead in the room or I guess the lack of cheese in the room. Jojo is super caught up with Aaron and the distance he keeps from the family. I don’t know if ABC is telling her to bring it up or if she is just naturally curious. But, this BXTCH must confess something. . .“Who gives a fuck?”. I don’t think Jax Teller could force more information from this family about their “missing child”. The only thing that is consistently said is that they don’t really talk about it much and the only person hung up on it is Jojo (they didn’t say the last part, that was all BXTCH). Even if Aaron was a happy member of the Rodgers clan, I’m not sure he would be in California to meet Jojo, isn’t football season right around the corner and aren’t you a Cowboy fan?

Robby is taking us to Florida next and what Robby hopes will be a declaration of love from “his girlfriend”. Right from the beginning of this hometown, Jojo starts her confessional with how excited she is to see Robby and how expressive he is with his feelings and how much she has missed him. Is it just me or did I miss the episode where the steam was pouring off of the T.V. when Robby and Jojo were together? I’m not saying that it’s a dud, but out of the four remaining guys, it seems that Robby is still left in 8th grade Life Science and the rest of the boys are taking Advanced Anatomy. Robby takes Jojo on a carriage ride through St. Augustine that ends in a lunch where conversation quickly turns to the ex, Robby’s ex that is (see side commentary below). When they arrive at the Hayes’ home, we get to meet a lot of people. . .mom, dad (Coach Hayes), two sisters (Grace and Katie) and two brothers (Michael and Patrick) and a bil (Tyler) thrown in the mix. On a side note: Okay ABC, you’re taking this a bit too far. The fucking table was already set, with plates of food, when Robby and Jojo come into the house, while, mind you, the entire family is not even sitting at the table, no, no, no. . .they are sitting in the living room. I’m aware I’m not all fancylike, but it didn’t appear that the Hayes’ were either, how about, just once, we proceed as normal. And while lots of wine was consumed, it didn’t appear that any forks met the mouth. Robby first meets with his brothers and they all agree that Robby is certainly in love. This whole “pick me, pick me” game has stressed Robby the fuck out, he has gotten zero hours of sleep with multiple panic attacks. I’m not a M.D., but I would tell you to chill the hell out, get some sleep, and what happens, happens, you’re to pretty to hyperventilate. When Jojo sits down with the mama bear, she confesses there are feelings for Robby, and the thing I actually appreciated about Robby’s mom is, she asks Jojo if there are any questions she has for her. Jojo brings up the ex and her concerns for what Robby is actually feeling and where his head may be at if she does pick him. Mama must give her the reassurance that she is looking for, because she goes as far as telling his mom that she is falling in love with him, which she hasn’t shared those sentiments about any of the other guys, up to this point, so very interesting. When Robby sits down with his mother, she tells him that rumor has it, he broke up with the ex to go on the show, this seems to really upset him, to the point of pulling Jojo away from his sisters to confront this issue. He tells Jojo again that things ended when they got into a massive fight in December, even though, according to him, the relationship was dead in the water nine months prior. But he adds to the story, when he divulges that Hope (the ex) slapped him during this fight, which is when it ended and he hasn’t talked to her since. So, it seems that maybe things aren’t really resolved when it comes to Hope. Jojo starts to really question him and wants to make sure there is nothing he is hiding, He convinces her that there are no feelings and no surprises, where his ex is concerned. But trust is restored and kisses all around. While I’m not all about #teamrobby, I will defend him for a bit. When Jojo went to find love with Ben, she too was fresh out of a relationship, with the same ex that got brought up this season, and the guys had the same sort of concerns with her that she is having with Robby, and if we remember, this really upset her. . .#whatsgoodforthegoose. The date ends with some rain falling down on all of the lies (ahem. . .despair), but he does at least get in what could be a last kiss.

Therefore you need handle this ailment with viagra cheapest price proper care and should start treating it with Generic Protonix from very beginning. buy levitra line They will want to study the effect of vegetarian food on erectile dysfunction, 57 men who were having erectile dysfunction and were non-vegetarian were asked to follow the vegetarian diet for a month. Kamni capsules are the libido enhancer pills for women which work even for menopause age to make something of himself. side effects cialis So, all the men of having erectile dysfunction have got relieve from their disorder upon usage of the generic levitra online https://www.unica-web.com/archive/2013/selection_of_films_of_unica_2013.html ED medication which has proved to be effective and beneficial by helping men lead a healthy and happy sexual life. BXTCH side commentary: Sorry, but I had to take a detour. Jojo confesses to the camera that from early on in this game, Robby was the one she was most emotionally connected to and since Robby was the first guy to tell her he loved her, it just made their relationship much stronger. Step the fuck back. . .WHAT?? First, surely there has to be a “sweet spot” somewhere that cameras are not allowed, granted, I don’t know what it is that Jojo is really feeling, but if it’s sparks and flames and fireworks, that has not been translated well through the camera lens. Also, let’s play a game of rewind for a split second. When Olivia told Ben that she loved him, and then told Jojo that she whispered those 3 little words, Jojo says that there is no way she could even say that to someone without being sure that the feeling was reciprocated. At the end of the visit with Robby’s fam, she decides she trusts him because “Robby has been the most honest with his feelings”. I’m sure somewhere, Hope is sitting with a big ass bucket of popcorn screaming at the T.V. #beentheredonethatgotthetshirt. Somebody has got some blinders on here and it sure as shit ain’t Hope. We gotta talk about this ex. I’m gonna be jumbled during this, but hang with a BXTCH, it’ll work out in the end. On a previous episode, Robby talked about his childhood best friend and how his death sparked something in him, which led to his break-up with the ex, kinda a “cleaning out of the closet” if you will. Now, according to Robby, he and his ex girlfriend broke up at the end of December 2015, and Wikipedia says (I know, not a great source but. . .) casting for this season (#12) of The Bachelorette took place during season #11 of The Bachelorette, which aired from May 18-July 27 (2015). . .but, even if casting took place after Jojo was announced as the next Bachelorette (which happened on March 14), then we are looking at 3 or 4 months tops from the time of break-up to the time of filming. Someone needs to sort this out STAT, this just reeks of a hidden agenda. I would also like to point out the following. . .on last weeks episode, Robby tells Jojo that one of the issues with the relationship was. . .four years together, but he had never even seen her house, but when the subject of the ex and the rumors the ex’s roommate was tossing around, Robby automatically said “Alex?”, which is the roommates name. You have never been to her home, but you know her roommate? #thingsthatmakeyousquint #jojogetoutgirl

Luke may be last, but c’mon girl, we know he is not the least. This was my favorite hometown out of the four and that includes Chase’s date. I thought that Luke had already declared his undying love for Jojo, but the way the episode unfolds, it doesn’t appear as though that is the case. Luke is meeting Jojo in Burnet, Texas. Luke lives in a part of Texas that those who don’t reside here must think all of Texas is like (I hope that makes sense). Luke shows up with Jojo like any good Texan, at a family BBQ. And by family, I mean family and friends. It seemed as though Jojo really took to Luke’s family like only a true Texan can. While Luke did speak with his mom, looking for her insight, it seemed that he really was looking to his dad for advise. I think he was looking for words of wisdom, not only from a dad’s perspective, but from a husband’s point of view as well. The whole moment was very sweet and I almost felt like I was prying on a very sentimental moment. Of course, there was a picnic portion and this BXTCH was just happy that there was no wine around. #sweetteaistexaswine Luke went balls out with this hometown. He had horses and a hay bale couch set up, where he and Jojo had their own little one-on-one. While Jojo may admit that she isn’t sure whether or not Luke is in love with her, I have to say that his action definitely say he is all about her. He declares that the future he wants, includes Jojo. He ends the date with a walk down a candle lit aisle ending with a rose petal heart. Cheesy? Definitely. But, was every girl’s heart in America melting in unison? Fuck yeah. It was all very theatric, almost akin to a Nicholas Sparks movie. 

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly Recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.comChrist on a cracker, this girl is going to damage my liver. The rose ceremony starts very ominous. The guys arrive one by one to an aircraft hanger, they will be whisked off to their next destination once the final rose is handed out. Right before Jojo starts the process that will crush someone’s dreams, Luke asks to speak with her privately. He then tells her that he should’ve told her earlier, but he wanted her to know that he does love her. I should back you up a bit, while the guys were arriving and ABC was airing Jojo confessionals, she says that she is going to have to let Luke go. To say that this BXTCH screeched worse than a 13 year old meeting the Biebs, would be an understatement, holy shit, I almost went into cardiac arrest. But then Luke sweeps her away and tells her he loves her, which leaves Jojo in tears. Unable to even go back to the process that will lead her to her future, her decision is up in the air and we are left hanging with a serious case of blue balls, thanks ABC. One last side note: Next week we get the continuation on Monday and Men Tell All on Tuesday. 

So, I’m now gonna say that it will be Jordan and Robby in the final two. However, I don’t really think either of them will be the next Bachelor. I think that will go to Chase, but I ain’t gonna hate on Luke getting picked.

The Bachelor/ette | Quotes of the show | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com“My heart is beating.” -Jojo

“You have been the most amazing son and you deserve the most amazing girl.” -Sandy (Chase’s mom)

“Like, I know who Jordan is, and I know who he is to me. He is nobody’s brother. He is a man I am falling in love with and I am crazy about.” -Jojo

“Jojo, he can’t even boil water.” -Luke’s Grandpa

Bachelor(ette) Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

I’m gonna make this one, very long final thought. I need to holler at you Jojo. My trust in you is dwindling by the episode. I’m not usually a conspiracy theory type of BXTCH, but I’m forming one as I type this. Okay, truth? I think the claims made by your ex were pretty spot on. I do think as soon as Ben broke your heart, you went right back to Chad. Look, I ain’t mad at ya. I understand. Unfortunately, I also believe him when he says you are in it for the fame. Now, hear me out. I’m not saying that you haven’t come around and are now taking this seriously, you may be. But, it fascinates me that you and Robby are in the same boat. You also broke up with somebody right before taking your leap with Ben. Your ex also was causing problems in your new quest for love. I need to get to the heart of my issue. Girl, you need to focus on you for a while. You started your journey for reality love when you were 24, prior to that, you were in a relationship for 2 years with Chad, putting you at 22, you confessed to Robby during hometowns that you were in a 4 year relationship prior to Chad, putting you at 18. And these ages are generous, I’m not allowing for any “rest period” in between loves. And now, you’re wanting to get married? Girl, it is okay to be single. Back to my conspiracy, I think you may be getting rid of Luke because you know he is serious about finding a wife, I believe Chase is as well. Which leaves Jordan and Robby, both of which seem to desire a bit of the fame monster and either of which you could pick, then end things and you won’t come out looking like a villain, which is why I think you ended things with James. Because let’s face it, you break Luke’s heart, there will be some pissed off BXTCHES blowing up your feeds. So, letting Luke go may be the right thing to do, just be careful for what you wish for. Fame may not be all it seems.

Sign off Tag

*Remember, The Bachelorette airs on ABC Monday at 7pm CENTRAL and 8pm EASTERN. Men Tell All will be on ABC Tuesday at 7pm CENTRAL and 8pm EASTERN.

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The Bachelorette | Episode Seven Re-Cap | 07.11.16

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It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.comIt's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

BXTCHES Gotta Warn: We took a week off so we could celebrate our independence and now Jojo and the boys are back. You should know that as I sit here and type up this re-cap, that Footloose is on, and I’m talking the Kevin Bacon Footloose, so that alone should be a clear indication of my commitment to the “Line Em’ Up and Pick Em’ Out” type of love. But I digress, let’s get on with tonight’s episode, because it had a BXTCH screaming at the T.V.

Two weeks ago on. . .There was a lot going on when we last saw Jojo. Wells finally got his one-on-one, only to come up short in the end, while Derrick and Chase were left to battle it out in a two-on-one where Jojo was feeling it a bit more with Chase than she was Derrick and we were then entertained by Derrick’s tears falling to a beautiful rendition of “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina”. In the end, Jojo just couldn’t bring herself to send any of the remaining six (Luke, Jordan, Chase, James, Alex, and Robby) home.

This week the guys are getting (3) one-on-one dates and (1) group date.

Before we even get to the first date card, the guys are sitting around their suite talking about the previous rose ceremony. When Alex and James were both spared and Jojo decided that she needed another week with the guys to make that decision, Alex was a bit offended. He referred to it as a “pity rose” and it seems that waking up in Argentina, still with the opportunity of making Jojo yours, is just not satisfying enough. When Chris arrives with the date card and tries to get a feel of what’s going through the guys’ heads, Alex expresses his confusion. Chris does somewhat put the frustration at ease when he tells the guys that he talks to Jojo regularly and the group of guys that remain are the ones that she wants around. The only other news that is dropped is that there is no longer a rose to be earned on the one-on-one dates, just the group date. 

ONE-ON-ONE DATE: We weren’t surprised when the date card says. . .“Alex, I gaucho on my mind”. . .I mean, he is the only guy left standing who hasn’t been given a one-on-one date and he even says in his confessional that he wants to use this alone time with Jojo to give her a chance to fall in love with him. They’re taking a bit of a road trip to their next destination, so it allows some true alone time and the perfect opportunity to really get to know each other. You know it’s a true road trip when they bust out the pringles. Jojo wants to use this time to see how normal a real relationship with Alex would be. While the boys are busy rhyming about Alex (see below), Alex takes away any defense I may lay down for him when he too gets into the #whiteboyrap game and if my vagina was sad before (again, see below), it’s now down right suicidal (#vaginasuicide). His rap was. . .“Yo Yo, Jojo, gots to go to the liquor sto”, (hand to God, that is what he rapped), he then says to Jojo “that’s like my go to line” (direct quote), I now 100% understand why Alex’s dick is lonely is single. I’m baffled at this car ride though. At one point, it appears as if they are as uncomfortable as a woman in stirrups having to get her cervix poked and prodded. It’s not that complicated guys, use this time to really get to know one another. I mean I can come up with a ton of questions and topics of conversation. . .“what kind of music do you like to listen to on long road trips?”. . .”what’s your go to date?”. . .”what’s it like having a twin brother?”. . .”where did you learn to rap like that?”. . .”would you rather throw up every time you have an orgasm OR have your genitals smell like rotten eggs?”. . .it’s not hard folks, do I have to write the fucking script? They arrive at what I believe is a horse ranch to “play” gaucho, they even dress up. They get to ride horses in the countryside, which was romantic, they even get to watch a bonding moment between a horse and an actual gaucho, which seemed to move Jojo. Her and Alex even have a moment with the horse and each other (that sounds way more inappropriate than it was). Alex is really feeling the love. As the nighttime portion of the date arrives, during Alex’s confessional to the camera, he admits the following-“Today I came looking for some clarity in where I stand with Jojo and I finally got it, and it went great and it went exactly like I hoped it would. We’re both just connected at this point. I don’t see how tonight’s not gonna end even better than today. Tonight is one of the happiest moments of my life.” That’s a huge turnaround from someone who thought he was given a pity rose, right? They start with talk about how the date went and how happy Jojo is that Alex kinda let himself go a bit and have fun. Conversation then moves to Alex’s family and who exactly would Jojo be meeting during the hometown dates and the dynamic of that. Alex then tells Jojo that he is falling in love with her, which I suppose is good news under most “Bachelorette” circumstances, but in the case of “Alex + Jojo sitting in a tree”, it gets uncomfortable quick. To just rip off the band-aid, Jojo tells Alex that when he tells her that he is falling in love with her, she just doesn’t get excited and in the end, she decides to send Alex home. 

BXTCH side commentary: Okay, let’s talk Alex. He tells Jojo that he fell in love with her the minute he saw her or some sort of Disney bullshit. It gets even more “you have got to be kidding me”, when Jojo admits (during her confessional) that she was shocked when Alex dropped that nugget of information. Really? Shocked? First, she came off of a season with Lace, Olivia, and Jubilee, nothing should shock her at this point, but it’s not as if Alex hasn’t hinted around to love. In episode five, he even told Jojo that their relationship is the “realest” one he has ever had. How in the name of flawless, never run off the face, make-up, can she declare surprise? I’m not really a #teamalex groupie, but I can sympathize with our little Vanilla Ice wannabe, the date seemed to really be headed in the right direction. . .horseback riding. . .hand holding. . .sweet, romantic kisses. . .and then a “sorry, not really feeling your love, you gots to go”. Well Alex, I guess your declaration from above is kinda kicking you in the ass right now, but if it’s any consolation, my eight year old son was a huge fan of yours and had to fight back the tears when Jojo sent you packing. #truelove

Meanwhile, back at the hotel. . .The remaining guys are also taking a road trip to the next destination (which I believe is Canuelas, Argentina), they are just getting there via a bus. And as I fold my hands together, I ask for the guys on the bus to #nevereverrapagain. Look, I’m all about musical expression, hell, every time I step in the shower, I’m on the Grammy stage, but the whole #whiteboyrap that those fools laid down, even had my va-jay-jay turning in on itself. Not to mention they made fun of Alex’s height, I shouldn’t have to remind you boys that Alex is a Marine, he will fuck y’all up. The guys stop at a roadside restaurant where they dine on various types of “meat”, it did not look appetizing in the least, in fact, I believe that E! tweeted it best when they said something along the lines of “did the guys not learn anything from watching Bridesmaids?” or something like that, I’m sure the bathroom was very busy that night. They arrive at their next destination and I must admit, this part of Argentina is #vacaygoals for this BXTCH. When the date card arrives, Jordan gets the go-ahead and his second one-on-one. He’s certainly excited, but the rest of the wannabe grooms, not so much.

ONE-ON-ONE DATE: “Jordan, let’s toast to love”. Jordan takes off for his date with Jojo and he knows that he has something to prove. James threw him under the bus regarding some dumbass poker rules and then Jordan mentions something about having his character questioned two weeks in a row, I knew about the poker and entitlement that James brought to Jojo, but I can’t for the life of me think of what else has occurred, I know I’m missing something. Anyhow, Jordan feels like he really needs to up his game on this date. Jordan arrives at a private airstrip where Jojo is very happy to see him and they then take a private jet to Mendoza. They arrive at a vineyard and I guess get to have their very own “Lucy” moment when they smash grapes. . .with their feet. . .that they never even washed. . .they then drank the juice from the grapes #funkytoewine. I’ve seen my husbands feet, I’ll stick to the margaritas, thank you very  much. They take the wine and their chemistry to the hot tub. The nighttime date brings lots of comfortableness and honesty (well, I hope he was being honest). The conversation between them just flows really well. Jordan admits that he hasn’t brought home a girl in years and if Jojo gets to meet his family, she would be meeting Luke (his oldest brother), but not Aaron. Because. . .wait for it. . .Jordan doesn’t even have a relationship with Aaron. I KNOW! This BXTCH was floored when he admitted that. Apparently, Jordan and him do not speak much because of the way that Aaron has “chosen to do life”. When Jojo asked Jordan if Aaron even knew he was doing the show, he said “I don’t think so”. He claims that the reason that football didn’t really work out for him is because he was constantly compared to Aaron, which I can understand that frustration, but why allow ABC to list that as your profession, if you’re trying to separate yourself then make a clean break, surely you have a job that doesn’t have “former professional football player” in its title, especially if you detest being compared to him. Jordan really opened himself up on this date, more so than any other time he’s been with Jojo, when he tells Jojo that he cares about her so much, she even comes back with a “me too”. So, he then tells her that he is so in love with her and that BXTCH comes back with a “that makes me so happy”, you know she’s in love, she just can’t say it. I’m telling you, this is the date that maybe sealed the deal. Once again, Jojo claims she had no idea that Jordan was going to tell her he was in love, #BXTCHplease, but if she winds up choosing Jordan and he hits his knee, this is the moment it all fell into place. On a side note, I’m pretty sure that Aaron is hanging out at Clay Matthews house with the other guys from the team watching how this is all playing out. #accalove #whosbootyliciousnow
It fulfils all the conditions and let s people live in peace without it. cialis properien Read More Here 100mg comes up with the best components of Sildenafil citrate inside it which makes sure that the blood is initiated properly towards the penile organ. Diagnosis by a group of fully experienced Hou’s experts in rheumatoid arthritis area, so as to make personalized overall therapeutic plans for particular cases Traditional Chinese medical treatment- Hou’s Constitutional Therapy of 20 methods (such as Jiugong Huiyang Therapy, Hot Compress Therapy, Mu Therapy, Fire side effects of tadalafil Needle Therapy, etc.), Hou’s Interventional Thrombolysis Therapy, Dietetic Therapy and Psychotherapy, etc. When you consider that only a 1oC increase may result from some sympathetic dysfunctions, without Veterinary Thermal Imaging, problems could be overlooked rather than promptly treated, which saves money, time, distress and gives better prognoses. visit address sildenafil 50mg price Impotence is also cialis properien referred to as an erectile dysfunction and is defined as inability to develop healthy, firm, and thick erection during the time of physical intimacy.
Meanwhile, back at the house. . .Chase and Luke discuss the current rundown of who is left, mainly Jordan and how he is a frontrunner at this point, which I think he has been the entire time. Luke says something about how if you have box seats to the Super Bowl every year, you’re automatically the frontrunner. I think that’s more of a slap to Jojo’s character than it is to Jordan’s. I don’t think Chase or Luke is going to be rooting for Jordan anytime soon. The date card arrives and it’s the announcement of the group date. . .Chase, James, and Robby. Which means the last one-on-one is going to Luke.

Group Date: Robby, Chase, and James

“Let our love soar.” My guess is that Jojo had something planned in the sky with the guys, but Mother Nature had other plans and the date moved inside. I’m confused because this date either brought the guys back to Buenos Aires and their hotel or the date actually took place prior to them leaving, I don’t know which, but either way, we are back in Buenos Aires. I’m not sure the date that Jojo had originally planned, but there is no way it would’ve topped the way the date turned out. They go to a suite and hang out. Jojo compares the date to the perfect slumber party and I’m pretty sure that’s the fantasy that these guys have. James plays a very dangerous game of Chubby Bunny, but with french fries, I’m super shocked Jojo wasn’t wearing a regurgitated mess after it was all said and done. On a positive, it made Jojo laugh and really put James’ sense of humor right out there. Jojo did make the guys massage one another, they played Pictionary, a Bachelor version of Headbands, Charades, Truth or Dare, which had Robby running down the hall in his underwear, boxer briefs, thank goodness. While I may be a bigger fan of Chase or Luke or Jordan, Robby’s body is hellahot and how he kept anything under lock and key when Jojo copped a feel, has this BXTCH baffled. James takes the bull and throws Robby straight under the bus by telling Jojo that the gorgeous women of Argentina has Robby turning his head. They all three find themselves in bed watching the Brazilian version of The Bachelor. James continues to fill Jojo in on Robby’s wondering eye, but the strangest thing of the whole date is how they find themselves arranged in the bed. Jojo is between Chase and Robby, James is toward the middle/foot of the bed, laying back on Jojo with his arms stretched out over Chase’s waist and Robby’s legs. Definitely a moment that needed to be captured on film. They each get there one-on-one time with Jojo and Robby is up first. Of course, the convo turns to the hometowns and Robby’s last girlfriend. I guess at some point, Robby confessed to Jojo that his family wasn’t very big fans of his last girlfriend. This is where my “what the fuck” senses get turned up. Here is what Robby says about his last love. They dated for three years/he never had seen her house/he only met her mom once. He then tells Jojo that they broke up over Christmas break (Christmas 2015), which at the time that this was filmed, was 4 1/2 months prior. Apparently, they had some sort of big fight, one that there is no recovery from (his words). He admits that he is grateful for the way things turned out and it’s sort of the reason he is even on the show. Now, of course, Jojo questions whether or not he has had any time to really mourn the loss of that relationship and move on, to which he reassures her how serious he is. He would’ve gotten down on one knee if allowed. The reason I’m even telling you ALL of that is because, back in episode five, when Robby got his one-on-one and he confessed his love to Jojo, he also tells her the story of how he lost a childhood friend and that loss forced him to make some life changing decisions, one of those being breaking with his longtime girlfriend. This could be what the fight was about with her, but why not re-visit that story? He only said that their fight was one you can’t come back from. Why not just say after my friend died, I had to re-evalutae my life and she didn’t fit in? Something is not right about this and this BXTCH is starting to think that there is some truth to the stories of Robby breaking up with a long time girlfriend, just so he could come on to the Bachelorette. I know that was a lot of rambling, but it’s got “stink” written all over it. Her time with Chase is spent talking about how much of a game changer the whole ordeal becomes once families get involved. The only “L” word he uses is “like” as in “I actually do, really, really  like you a lot”, so no “love”, but he does say he’s ready to spend the rest of his life with her. Who needs love when you’re throwing around “forevers” and “marriage”? When it’s time for James to convince Jojo, he wants to talk about the emotional connection that he has with Jojo versus the physical connection that she has with the other guys. She spreads it on thick when she tells him that he is what she sees in a husband and father. I don’t know, I think she’s giving that some false hope and when it’s all said and done, he’s self-esteem may take another hit. Even though James tried to get Jojo to turn on Robby, she must’ve really liked what she saw in those boxers, because he captures the rose. I ain’t mad at ya, girl! Because he gets the rose, he gets some alone time with Jojo, which seemed to include some rooftop lovin’.

ONE-ON-ONE DATE: Luke is up and every time Jojo gets some personal time with that tall drink of water, I forget all about her chemistry with Jordan. Jojo does well with this date, she puts Luke smack down in his element. . .horses. He gets the opportunity to really impress her, which thickens the sexual tension between the two of them even more. They also do a bit of skeet shooting, again, right in Luke’s wheelhouse, especially when he advises Jojo on how to shoot. Oh yeah. . .Jojo is feeling this. Luke doesn’t get a “nighttime” date, but he does get the chance to have a pretty deep chat with Jojo which includes talk of meeting the fam and the future and then some non-verbal communication. Luke + Jojo is giving Jordan + Jojo a run for the money, they must really forget all about the cameras when their body language kicks in, I am really waiting for the line to get crossed and for one of them to say “fuck it” (literally and figuratively), let’s go somewhere else. When her date with Luke comes to an end, she decides that her mind is made up and to skip the cocktail party and go straight to the rose ceremony.

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly Recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.comSince Jojo wants to go straight to the rose ceremony, then we will go straight to the rose ceremony. This was certainly a difficult one for our girl, one that she most likely fought herself over, but hey, it ain’t called “Brother Husbands”, to get to your forever, someone has to go. It comes down to James and Chase, with James not given the chance to take Jojo home to meet the family. This was one rough, James allows Jojo to walk him out, where it goes from barely hanging on to completely lost. Jojo apologizes and give the obligatory “You mean so much to me” speech, which I think she genuinely meant. It doesn’t help when she tells him that he is going to make some girl very happy, because he rebuffs that with basically telling her that is what everyone says, but it hasn’t yet happened. I didn’t think James would find his fairy tale with Jojo, but it was still sad to see him have to say good-bye. On another side note: Again, what in the good Lords name kind of make-up are they using over at ABC. Jojo is about to go into her ugly cry and not a smudge is to be seen or a streak to be had. Are you fucking kidding me? I went to a Texas Ranger game the other night and only one hour in and my mascara is already setting up house under my eyes, that shit is not cool.

I’m still leaning toward Luke, Jordan, and Chase for my final three. I think that Robby has a shot, especially after seeing previews of the final episode, I just think it’ll be Luke and Jordan fighting to give away their name in the end. Although, I’m not as confident as I once was.

The Bachelor/ette | Quotes of the show | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com“If you were to envision the perfect slumber party, I have it all covered.”-Jojo

“I’m your goocho” -Alex

“I thought I wasn’t a frontrunner for a million football games and a million races in my life that I ran, that I fought. Are you kidding me? Why am I here? That’s a crazy question, I mean you fight for everything, right? It doesn’t matter who’s the front runner.”-James

“My emotions tell me that I am a front runner.”-Robby

Bachelor(ette) Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com(I’m basing this on next week’s previews) I’ve already had my rant about Robby, but it seems some things come to light after/while Jojo is meeting his family. ABC has already shown the trailer for the final episode and it seems that something does occur (#scandalous), which leads me to believe that maybe, just maybe, it’s Robby in the final episode. If Robby is using this season to become next season’s Bachelor, well. . .homeskillet, you are doing it all wrong and it’s obvious you haven’t watched any previous Bachelorette seasons (nor have I), but I suspect that it’s the good guy who gets picked.

James Taylor. . .let me bend your ear just for a moment. One-on-one. . .woman to man. . .heart to heart. I know you’re devastated and I do believe your feelings for Jojo were genuine, but listen up, buttercup. A year ago, you may have been able to say “when is the right girl going to come along”, you may have even thought that Jojo was “the one”, but I cannot emphasize enough that you got it going on. You’re funny as fuck, you’re adorably cute (I know that’s probably not what you want to hear, sorry), you are a true gentlemen, who seems that whoever is lucky enough to steal your heart, you will worship the ground that lady walks on, you can sing and write songs (that certainly ups your “hotness”, trust a BXTCH). So see, no need to fret, when Jojo says that whoever it is that finds her way into your heart is going to be lucky. . .she will truly be blessed. And hey, you’ve just given many women a sneak peek into your offerings, get ready, your life is about to get really busy.

ABC, if you want us BXTCHES to really believe in the truthfulness of this reality love, then allow the tears to flow. When Jojo had to tell James goodbye, the tears that fell from those beautiful eyes were probably the most authentic tears that she has shed this season, but because of some really inconvenient editing, during her conversation, the tears disappeared. C’mon, we want to fell the pain of heartache too..

As great as this episode was, one of the great things to come out of it was a preview of Bachelor in Paradise. While I only have Ben’s season of The Bachelor and this season of The Bachelorette under my belt, I can with confidence ask. . .Can you really go wrong when Chad, Daniel, Evan, The Twins, Lace, Jubilee (just to name a few) come together in the name of hotness? Yeah, I didn’t think so. My only dilemma is going to be Bachelor in Paradise vs. the Olympics, oh thank heaven for DVR.

Sign off Tag

Remember, The Bachelorette airs on ABC Monday at 8pm EASTERN and 7pm CENTRAL

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The Bachelorette | Episode Six Re-Cap | 06.27.16

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.comIt's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

BXTCHES Gotta Warn: Okay, okay, I know I’m late with this once again. But, thanks to a rain delay in New York, I found myself finishing up the Ranger game well past 1 am, but we won, so it was well worth it. And then this morning, I wake up to the terribly sad news that Pat Summitt has passed and that delayed me further, but now, I’m ready to go. So, let’s get started.

Last week on. . .ABC kind of left us hot and heavy by thinking that Chad wasn’t going to take losing out to Alex lying down and made his way back to the house. All we actually was rewarded with was a Chad and Jordan handshaking battle, Chad’s refusal to apologize, and Evan still wanting his shirt replaced. It was like the equivalent of a very disappointing dance between the sheets. You know, the man (ABC) built it up to be this monumental performance, then it was really over before it began and the only pleasure was awarded to the two pump chump and you’re left with a “what the fuck just happened” moment. In the end, Chad was still gone and joining him were James F., Daniel, Evan, and Vinnie.

Wells, Jordan, James T., Robby, Alex, Derrick, Luke, and Chase are still going strong.

This week we find the lovebirds in Buenos Aires, Argentina and we will get (1) one-on-one date, (1) group date, and (1) two-on-one date.

The episode kicks off with Jojo and Chris having a little heart to heart and Jojo actually admitting how she now understands how easy it was for Ben to fall in love with two people.

ONE-ON-ONE Date: Let’s just jump right in on this date. Wells is given the honors with the special message: “Wells, Bésame. . .Bésame, Muchacho” We learn right out of the gate that Wells is the only one of the remaining guys who has yet to swap some spit with Jojo. How do we know this? I guess the clue was in the message, but he does tell the guys and his admission is followed by some really awkward silence. While it may have been awkward for them to hear, I do think that the guys were glad to hear the news. It doesn’t help that the guys are really planting some doubt in the head of Wells right before he leaves for his date. Here’s the thing, I’m not upset that Wells hasn’t kissed Jojo yet, technically speaking, he is just now going on his first date with her and even when they’re on group dates, who wants to stick their tongue in someone’s mouth after multiple guys have had their tongue in that particular mouth, know what I mean? The date takes them to a performing arts show and right from the beginning, Wells has the perfect opportunity to get up in it, but backs off. After watching some of the art perform, Wells and Jojo get to recreate it. One of the acts involves a suspended, see through, swimming pool of sorts and they get to “slip n’ slide” all over it, another perfect, very sexual opportunity. So does he finally take the plunge, literally? Yes, yes he does. It would’ve been much better if the kiss stayed more natural and organic, with Jojo cheering him on it kinda turned it into a “Can’t Buy Me Love” moment. You know, the geeky kid finally gets to kiss the popular cheerleader. When they hit the dinner portion of the one-on-one, Jojo wants to know about his ex and it wasn’t really a scandalous story. He had a long term relationship that took two people from lovers to friends, a relationship that just burned out. When the conversation turns to the “what I want in my soulmate” discussion, it’s pretty unmistakable that her and Wells are not really on the same page. Not that Wells doesn’t want a strong soulmate, Jojo just wants the whole fucking fairy tale and this BXTCH certainly thinks she shouldn’t stop until she is sitting pretty on top of her unicorn. Unfortunately for Wells, Jojo doesn’t really see her relationship moving forward with him and decides to not give him the rose. It wasn’t easy for her at all and while I didn’t think that Wells would make it to the end, it was sad to see him go. It’s even more dramatic when Jojo goes back to the performing arts center all alone.

Meanwhile, back at the mansion. . .We’re back to Cosmos and hair braiding, well actually, wine and gossip, but isn’t it really the same thing? Of course the round table discussion today is Wells and how slow his relationship is progressing with Jojo and whether or not they believe that Wells is going to make it back to the hotel after the date. Jordan says “I don’t” when he is asked if he thinks Wells is coming home. Interestingly, the only guys having this discussion are the “Mean Girls” clique. Both Luke and James T. must have better things to do. Maybe they’re somewhere, down on one knee, practicing exactly what it is they will say when Jojo presents them with the opportunity at their own ever after.

Group Date: Luke, Robby, Jordan, James T., Alex

“Living la vida Boca”. Now that the group dates are getting smaller and smaller, insecurities are certainly coming out to play and James T. is really making a list. It doesn’t help when they join a pick-up game of soccer and included on the team is a swimmer, a football player, a marine, a rancher/ex-military, and. . .a singer songwriter. No worries though, because when they choose to trade penalty kicks for kisses, the underdog gets the kiss. Well, I guess that the soccer game was the daytime portion of the date, because all of a sudden we are at the cocktail party. Luke and Jojo do not do much talking, they are certainly communicating without using words, in fact, things couldn’t have been more heated if they were in a bedroom alone or up against the wall with nothing but air between them. Move over Jordan because Luke is claiming his and her name is Joelle Fletcher. James T. gets his chance to maybe one up Luke, but let’s face it, that was never going to happen. James went a different route to woo Jojo, he decided to rat on Jordan. Now, I thought he was going to fill us in on something super juicy, so my ears were ready for the Jordan bomb that James was about to drop. So, what was it? Are you salivating yet? Jordan and James had a disagreement about a rule during a card game and Jordan won out in the end. Yep. That was it. James thinks he is looking out for the best interest of Jojo by telling her what exactly? Not to play cards with Jordan. I haven’t played Monopoly with my husband in 13 years because he is a fucking cheater when it comes to buying and selling property, but does this change my love for him? No. So, here you go Jojo, some much guarded marital advice from someone who has been locked down for 17 years. . .if you decide to say “I do” to Jordan, don’t play cards with him. Thanks James. You used your time to tell Jojo what every married couple in America already knows-use caution when playing games with your spouse. He then accuses Jordan of being entitled and just out for fame, which could be true, but I haven’t seen that side of him yet on the show. Even after running to mommie to tell on Jordan, James does manage to get in some smooch time, but not without asking her first, awww, always the polite one. I can see James and Jojo remaining friends after this, I just don’t think we’ll be seeing a Jojo Taylor anytime soon. The thing that sucks ass about James vs. Jordan, is Jordan’s time with Jojo is only focused on that one issue. It also doesn’t help that Jojo tells Jordan that it was James who brought the concern to her. So, not only did we have to deal with a tattle tell (thanks a lot James) but we also missed out on the white hot heat that Jordan and Jojo create (thanks again, James). In the end, we either missed Jojo’s time with Alex and Robby or they didn’t get time with Jojo, but it didn’t matter because Luke and the sexual chemistry he created with Jojo got the rose. I’m sure you’re wondering what became of the James vs. Jordan showdown. . .here’s what I have to say about that. They were fucking fighting over poker rules. They should’ve just admitted to fighting over dick size and Jordan said “according to the rules of measuring your dick you pull it up to your belly button and start at the ballsack” and James said “no, no, no, you’re supposed to start at the base, you big dummy”, that’s how pointless the whole argument was and how stupid it was to even bring the argument to mama.

Meanwhile, back at the mansion. . .The two-on-one date card arrives and surprise, either Chase or Derrick will be packing their bags. When Derrick tries to be a bit laid-back and joke about the date, Chase gets a little offended and reminds Derrick that he is taking this seriously. In fact, I was just waiting for Chase to lay down a:

The Bachelorette | Episode Six Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Because really, who doesn’t have Chase down as the Gretchen Wieners of the Mean Girl clique. Am I right?

TWO-ON-ONE Date: “It takes two”. Does it? In this particular date, I suppose it does, because they will be doing a bit of the Tango. I guess the passion behind the Tango is being torn between two fellas, well at least in Jojo’s case it is. If she’s basing her decision on the passion that Chase and Derrick bring to the dance floor, she may want to go ahead and send them both home and maybe even pack her bags as well, because that dance had a lot of things, passion just wasn’t one of them. The nighttime portion of their date brings them to a ménage à trois dinner if you will. Derrick gets his go at Jojo first and their conversation was about as passionate as the dance they shared. While Jojo was appreciative of the affection Derrick was putting out there, it was disingenuous at best. It’s not that I think his feelings for Jojo are fake, but for him to tell her that she is the greatest woman he has ever met (or some shit like that) is just crazy talk. When she sweeps Chase away for his one-on-one, things get a bit more serious. When the topic of feelings gets brought up, you know how the script reads. . .Chase: “I’m starting to feel things for you” Jojo: “I do have strong feelings for you”, Jojo then lets Chase know that she feels that he isn’t reciprocating the same feelings and that he isn’t really giving Jojo what she is giving him. Basically in a nutshell, Chase is to Jojo as Jojo was to Ben. So, is it really fair to hold his restraint against him? Of course, Chase had no idea that he wasn’t giving Jojo the assurance that she needed and his confidence is waning by the minute. He finally does lay it all out on the line and all the confirmation he needs comes via Jojo’s lips. Derrick is left without a rose and in tears as he drives away a single man. I’m not sure who at ABC comes up with the dramatics on this show, I’m thinking it’s somebody who maybe used to work for General Hospital, because it was straight out of a soap opera. Derrick is pulling away in the SUV, talking about how he’s not perfect, he’s just Derrick, and Chase and Jojo are headed into a ballroom while the entire scene is being serenaded by a beautiful woman with a phenomenal voice and to make it even that much more “Luke and Laura” like (sorry, that’s my only GH reference), she is singing “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina”, and the whole time the camera goes from Chase/Jojo to Derrick crying. However, I’m pretty sure he isn’t crying for Argentina.

Men’s Health Clinic has been generic viagra pill serving its clients for more than 5 minutes. Scientific studies can very rarely find any concrete proof that any food cheapest price for levitra would serve that much purpose in stimulating libido. Ed would be a first step in the right direction. cialis uk I was given a small packet or I can call it a sachet of Kamagra Oral Jelly and I guess it had a sweet flavor to it which can be helpful enough for treating erectile dysfunction, which is the inability of a man to achieve or maintain an erection. viagra without prescription uk BXTCH side commentary: Good Lord, I hate to beat a dead horse. You know I don’t really like that saying too much, who in the fuck beats a dead horse? What I should say is that I really hate to harp on the same thing over and over and over and over. . .annoying, right? I have no doubts that Derrick is upset. In fact, I’m quite certain he thought it was going to be Chase crying over Argentina. But can we please stop with the “I thought this was my chance to be happy, but I guess not” crap? Look, I know, anytime you lose someone it’s going to be painful, I mean, I had a crush on the same guy for three years in high school. Three fucking years. Never got the time of day from him, not that I tried, I’m a bit on the shy side (I know, whoa!, right?). Wanna know why I didn’t get upset when we went to Cancun for our senior trip and me and a friend wound up back in his room* (it wasn’t any kind of a ménage à trois dinner, promise) and I was woken up by them fucking? Because he was never mine. You can’t lose something that doesn’t belong to you. . .and Derrick, Jojo never belonged to you. So, you wipe those tears and you climb right back up on that unicorn and you go find yourself an Argentina worth crying over.

The cocktail party is upon us and Jojo is dressed to the nines, I’m talking red carpet worthy. We are getting to the point where I believe that ABC has finally turned 100% of the decision making over to Jojo and you can see that it’s starting to get really difficult. The only two with roses are Chase and Luke, that leaves three roses for four guys. Jordan has some work to do because of the incident at the group date. He wastes no time with putting it out there and telling Jojo that he wants marriage and he is wanting and starting to fall in love with her. Jojo is very receptive to Jordan’s declarations and he is back in the game. Alex is the only remaining guy who hasn’t received a group date rose and he hasn’t had a one-on-one yet. He doesn’t hold back in voicing his concerns to Jojo and she basically confirms that she feels that she hasn’t had enough time with any of them. James seems to be a sweet guy, but his insecurities are really starting to wreak havoc on his position. I think he makes a mistake by letting the insecurities escape when he sits down with Jojo. It’s almost like he is starting to play the “I know I’m out of your league, but please give me a chance” card. I don’t know, I could be way off base with the whole James and Jojo sitting in a tree, I guess we’ll find out.

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly Recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

First, let me give props to whomever it was who decided to line up the boys like a blooming flower with Alex as the bud in the middle, it was very pleasing to the eye. Second, someone over at ABC must’ve gotten their loins teased a whole lot with no follow through and now they are deciding to torture America. The promise of an amazing climax is there, you’re just not giving us that final flick we need to push us over the edge. In the previews, we see Jojo pick up the final rose, then walk away with it, saying “I’m sorry”, and when Chris tries to figure out what’s happening, she says “I don’t know what I’m doing”. . .”I don’t want to give this rose out”, so were all at home about to reach our “Oh God” moment, because we KNOW she is about to send two motherfuckers home and how “Ben” is that, right? Then she goes back in with NO ROSE, so we are on track to lose both James and Alex. What happens next? Chris brings out two roses and both James and Alex are safe. No climax, no drama, no tears, it’s like she’s not even trying. Although it was fun to see James almost break down worse than a middle aged woman (that would be me) watching an extremely moving episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, in the end, we only lose Wells and Derrick this week, with: Luke, Jordan, Chase, Alex, Robby, and James still alive to walk down the aisle.

My final three still remains: Luke, Jordan, and Chase with one of them being the next Bachelor. I think Alex may be gone next week. He is pissed about the “pity rose” (his words) that he and James received and I do believe that the pressure is getting to the Marine.

The Bachelor/ette | Quotes of the show | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

“Why am I. . .Why am I crying?” -Derrick

“I can’t believe he hasn’t kissed her yet, I haven’t been able to keep my hands off her.” -Robby

“I never thought that my first kiss with Wells, could potentially be my last.”-Jojo

“Are you left-footed?” -Jojo

Bachelor(ette) Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Jojo must really think that relationships and marriages are always just cookies n’ cream ice cream. I really hate to do this to you girl, but real life is sometimes you getting pissed off, then realizing you’re wrong, but you’ll be damned if you’re going to admit that you’re wrong about being pissed off, so you stay pissed off. Or, the moment you realize how truly blessed you are with patience and you know this because you have yet to suffocate your true love just to stop the snoring. See, true love really does trump all. . .murderous intent. . .monopoly cheaters. . .can’t load the dishwasher properly. . .but you know you’ll die loving them and there is really no one better to handle your brand of crazy.

I hope that I haven’t come across as someone who doesn’t like James. I actually think that out of all the guys on this season, he seems like he would be the absolute best husband. However, I just don’t see him as Jojo’s husband. Unfortunately, I don’t see him as the next Bachelor either, although if he did get picked, I would be very pleasantly surprised. James, this is from me to you: you have got to work on yourself. You’re very attractive and while you may believe that you don’t play in the same league as the remaining guys, here’s what you have: humor, and while this BXTCH may not speak for all of ’em out there, being funny is super sexy and you have funny in spades. Just lose the “I’m not good enough for her” mantra and change it to “any girl would be lucky to be on your arm” and you’re golden. Plus, you can play the guitar AND write songs. So, let’s add it up: you’re adorably cute, you can make a girl laugh, then make her swoon by breaking out the guitar. Panties don’t stay on long with that kind of resume.

 

*This is most certainly a true story. The friend and I got locked out of our hotel room, he allowed us to crash in his. I was woken up in the middle of the night by two of the loudest fucking kissers on the planet. I laid there contemplating what in the world to do, when I finally just said “fuck it” and. . .walked out of the room (you thought that was going to go a different way, didn’t you? You dirty BXTCH, I like the way you think). She claims they never fucked, I just know differently. 

Sign off Tag

Remember, The Bachelorette airs on ABC Mondays at 8pm EASTERN and 7pm CENTRAL

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The Bachelorette | Episode Five Re-Cap | 06.20.16

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It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.comIt's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

BXTCHES Gotta Warn: As you know, well, as you should know, it’s been a very long two weeks waiting for tonight. In hindsight, I should’ve started a low-carb diet at the beginning of the two weeks because if I would’ve know how difficult the past fourteen days were going to be, I could’ve went all out with the misery and lost a few pounds in the process. On another note, if missing The Bachelorette brings me this much anguish, I really need to step up my parenting game, geesh.

Two weeks ago on. . .Let’s just call the last episode what it was, The ChadBear Show. He and Alex got the two-on-one date and Alex ran to Jojo and ratted Chad out. Jojo didn’t like what Chad had to say and she sent him packing. The last we see of Chad is him hiking his way back to the house. And this week on. . .

We kick this week off with a celebration. The removal of Chad’s suitcase gives the guys all the clues they need that the beast is not returning and Alex did his job (their words) and Chad is gone. The guys, minus Alex who is still with Jojo, gather ’round outside with James T. on the guitar and Wells with the protein powder, to bid farewell to the ChadBear. If you think that sounds corny, you should’ve seen it happen. They each get a handful of protein powder and throw it in the air. I’m not sure why I ponder how so many good looking individuals could be single and looking for their ever after on T.V., they answer that question week after week. You guys are literally throwing fucking protein powder in the air because the guy who hurt your feelings got eliminated and you wonder why no one will attach their ball to your chain? I’m embarrassed for you guys.

We knew Chad wasn’t gone and him showing back up at the house was anti-climatic to say the least. Once again I would like to thank ABC for taking us right to the brink of the promise of pleasure and yanking it away as if we were the ones who have misbehaved, it’s like reality tv blueballs. He made some sort of explanation to the guys regarding the date and the outcome. Jordan offers apologies and wants one from Chad as well. Chad refuses to offer his apologies and Evan still wants his shirt replaced. Then the whole ordeal is over. In the end, I hope Jojo sees that Chad really wasn’t all that crazy. I don’t think he made the best decisions, but I also think that the guys provoked him as much as he threatened them. 

Once Alex finishes up his date with Jojo, which is nothing for me to really write about, because it wasn’t that great, he arrives to the house a hero. And while that word may be a bit strong, the welcome the guys gave him was super douchey, over the top. They smashed cupcakes in his face for crying out loud. Perfectly good, edible cupcakes-just wasted! But the guys should’ve been careful of what they were wishing for, because with enemy #1 out of the house, someone will have to fill that role and the little sister (my little sister) and Wells said it best when they said “They no longer have a common enemy” Chad was the one who ultimately bonded the guys together and now that he’s gone. . .

It’s time for the cocktail party and another round of who can kiss Jojo’s ass the best. Chase gets the first crack and he somehow gets some KnockerBalls and they have a bit of fun, not the kind of fun I would want to have in an evening dress and heels-but Chase gets an A+ for creativity. Robby steals Jojo away and I think they have some heated chemistry, I just don’t know if Robby gives me the feels yet. He’s taking things a little too far with the “I’m falling for you” and he believes that he is miles ahead in his relationship with Jojo than the other guys are. I guess he has yet to see her with Jordan. All of the guys witness Robby laying one on Jojo and that really shakes the confidence in the guys. James F. writes her a poem, which was really sweet, but his moment is cut short when Alex interrupts and takes her away (insert eye roll right here). I don’t think I like Alex too much. He does nothing but kiss her ass every time he is with her, so I suppose he’s playing the game well and truthfully, I could be a bit over dramatic. Kudos to Daniel for telling Luke to hold his horses a bit, he ain’t done. Of course, when Luke does get his chance he turns it on by telling Jojo that he has done nothing but think of her since their date and he is falling for her, and not just falling for her, but the falling for her that makes his heart beat a lot faster when he’s with her and when he’s not with her but thinking about her-so, that may be a lot of words, but they are straight from the hotties mouth. I do think Jojo is feeling the same about Luke, so good job cowboy. I don’t understand Evan at all. He is not aggressive enough to insist on time alone with Jojo, even when Luke asks him if he’s had a turn and he says “no”, Luke tells him that he better go because Luke was going back for seconds and Evan stands there just being a weenie. I’m one baffled BXTCH where Evan is concerned. Jordan does his thing and swoops in and pushes her against the wall, not aggressively but in a “I’ve read a bit too many books and maybe thought I was about to see a scene play out right in front of me” kinda wayA wall that the guys were just on the other side of and Jordan does a great job reminding Jojo of why she may be keeping the “former pro-football player” around. Does Evan ever get his shot? Nope. Chris shows up and it’s time for the. . .

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly Recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Several of the gents are a bit worried because they either got zero time with Jojo or their time was very limited. Remember our rose holders (if that’s a thing) are: Jordan, Alex, and Luke. When there are no more roses to be had, James F. and Daniel are left to pack their bags and try their luck elsewhere. So, that means that Jojo is headed to Uruguay and taking with her the final eleven guys: Derrick, Robbie, Chase, Wells, Grant, Vinnie, James T. and even Evan the Weenie (I know, I was shocked too). And we are headed to South America.

This week will give us (2) one-on-one dates and (1) group date.

ONE-ON-ONE Date: Once the guys arrive at their hotel suite and good job ABC, that was a helluva suite, they go right for the date card. “Jordan, let’s seal the date.” Jordan gets ready and is off, much to the chagrin of the others in the house. Now, I’m not sure why they’re so upset, Jordan has not had a one-on-one yet, but I suppose tensions are running a bit high. The date kicks off with Jojo, Jordan, a yacht, and lots of making out. They get a little time in the ocean to get to “know one another”. The nighttime brings out Jordan’s tender side, he even confesses that he is falling in love with Jojo-yes, another one-what has it been, a month tops and guys are already “falling”, someone needs to bring Chad back ASAP. Once at the “non dinner”, Jojo confronts Jordan with something that’s been tickling the back of her thoughts. So, here’s the deal. Jojo met a girl in Dallas, before filming, that dated Jordan on and off. Now, I should probably tell you, if I haven’t already, that Jojo knew prior to filming that Jordan was going to be on the show. According to her (well, the internet), the info was leaked (he is the brother of Aaron Rodgers after all) and that was all she knew. Anyway, she met this girl and according to the mystery woman, Jordan was not all in with her and Jojo brings this up because she needs to know if Jordan is for real when he says he is looking to wife up. Clearly this is not the convo Jordan thought he would be having on this date and you can see the uneasiness when she brings it up. I’m assuming he knows exactly who Jojo is talking about because a name is never mentioned. His retort is, during that time he was focused on being the best football player he could be and he basically never made her a priority and he admitted to being an awful boyfriend. When Jojo asks him if he cheated on her, he was very quick with the “no”, although he did admit that while he didn’t physically cheat on her, he did talk to other girls more than he should. Our boy recovers quick though because he almost immediately brings up his pastor and you know when the church is brought into it, shit gets real. His pastor told a young Jordan that “Don’t say you love somebody, unless you’re willing to put a ring on their finger.” That should’ve been the song you wrote Beyonce. Jordan does good because he admits his faults with that past relationship and what he’s learned from it. The QB is ready to put a ring on it and Jojo is convinced and he gets the rose. I’m telling you BXTCHES, Jojo is feeling it and by it, I mean Jordan. Look out guys, Jojo does confess that her date with Jordan was one of the best dates of her life. 

Meanwhile, back at the hotel: Okay, these guys are seriously upset that Jordan got picked. As Wells puts it “He got the first impression rose, he got the group date rose. That’s why everyone considers Jordan the front-runner is ’cause Jordan had a very strong relationship with her without even having a one-on-one.” Once in their confessionals, the guys start to pick Jordan apart, again, Chad was the common enemy and now that he’s gone. . .well, we knew it was coming. Vinnie has his own barbershop set up and the guys are hanging out, and while Vinnie takes a little off the top for Alex, Wells picks up a tabloid. Derrick reads the dirt to the guys, which basically accuses Jojo of getting back with her ex (the one that disrupted her Dallas date with Ben) then dumping him again when she was offered The Bachelorette. I have to just ask-how in the fuck did the guys get their hands on this magazine? Was it intentional? I’m confused because I was under the impression that the contestants on this show, have no true access to the outside world, in a manner of speaking. Regardless, they read the article and it has them going full on, hot topic round table discussion. The article was written by Jojo’s ex, Chad, and claims that while The Bachelor was filming, they were sneaking around together and she is still in love with him, which then sparks the guys to ponder whether or not she is and if she is, then why are they even there? Christ on a fucking cracker, pull out the Cosmos and start braiding each other’s hair, are you kidding me with this shit!? Even though the date card arrives right smack in the middle of their “pillow fight”, not really, but if the pussy fits. . .but no one is super excited, you know-because of the article her ex wrote slandering her-that he was probably paid a handsome amount of $$$ to do-by a tabloid magazine-yeah, that has them all down in the dumps. Just break out the Midol already.

Still at the hotel: Jojo is in her interview/confessional, just going on about how great her date was and how great she is feeling, when the prick interviewing her hands her the magazine. Now, maybe Jojo knew in advance that this was coming and she is a really good actress, but once she sees the article and then learns that the guys, her guys (her words) have seen the article, she kinda breaks down. This sends her to the guys suite so she can set the record straight. In the meantime, the guys are filling Jordan in on the situation with the ex and after they have sat and thought about it, they seem to be more #teamjojo than #teamdouchebagexboyfriendwhoonlywantsmoney. No guy can really turn their back on a crying woman, right? And while both Jordan and Robby have both said that they were falling in love with her and Luke has said that he is falling for her, not one of them or even the other eight guys in the room offer to walk Jojo, who is obviously distraught, to the elevator. Every single one of those guys, including Evan the weenie who hasn’t had hardly any alone time with Jojo, does the chivalrous thing and gives her a hand to hold. Even if you wanted to just take advantage of the occassion-but, you’re falling in love? I believe we may be reading from two different dictionaries.

Group Date: Luke, Derrick, Chase, Evan, James, Vinnie, Grant, Wells, and Alex 

“I can’t sand to be away from you.” ABC keep the clever ones coming. The guys find themselves on sand dunes, maybe, I don’t know, it’s lots of sand and they are going to sand surf. Yay! We get to watch Evan face plant, woohoo! The surfing ends early when the rain starts coming down. We get to the cocktail portion of the date and Luke gets his time first. Basically, he tells Jojo that the magazine is absolute shit (my words) and everything she needed to hear at that time. Their chemistry would put a high school science class to shame. All guys seem to be hitting it off with Jojo, with little awkwardness. While Jojo is away with whoever the lucky fella is, Luke begins to discuss the awkwardness of group dates with the rest of the guys, this seems to set something off in Derrick. I think he is feeling a little insecure in where his progress with Jojo is, he doesn’t think that it’s picked up much since their one-on-one and it’s starting to shake his confidence. When he interrupts Vinnie’s time, he kinda lays it all out there, which works, because he gets the rose, with Jojo basically saying that she is giving the rose to someone who needs the reassurance, which is more fuel for for these guys to use against Derrick, who in defense of Derrick, never mentions to Jojo that he needs to be reassured. When Alex gets his moment to shine, he rambles on about how great this is and how you can never get this kind of thing through texting one another and then he lays down this bomb-“Yeah, it’s as real as it’s ever been in my life.”-Stop the fucking car-this is the realest? You’re 26 years old and the realest relationship you have had is with a woman, who is currently in a relationship with ten other dudes AND she is someone you have only known for a month, tops AND you have yet to really have alone time with her, but it’s the realest? Your relationship with Jordan is deeper right now than the one you have with Jojo. And you were calling Chad out? To speak “Alex” for a moment-“c’mon bro?”. Alex, if you are being 100% truthful and this semi-relationship that you have with Jojo is the “realest”, then you need to bow out of this charade and re-evaluate your life, because you at least deserve a girl who is giving you everything you are giving her and this is no way knocking down Jojo, I’m very much a fan of #teamjojo, but you should certainly experience the real life way that relationships come together before trying it ABC’s way. On a side note-I do think that Alex was saying whatever he thought he needed to in order to get the group date rose. You have to know what time it is BXTCHES-that’s right, it’s time for some. . .
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BXTCH Side Commentary: I’m about to be all over the place, just go with me. First, let me address Alex. I have never been Go Alex!, but I haven’t really rooted against him either, until tonight. He seems to have some sort of double standard happening, that is really beginning to piss a BXTCH off. He ratted on Chad and told Jojo that Chad threatened others in the house, but never once mentioned that he threatened to beat Chad’s ass as well and this got Chad eliminated, when everyone declares Alex some sort of dragon slayer, it’s really just by default that he got to stick around (thanks again, little sister) because if Chad would’ve said the right things and even if he would’ve lied to Jojo and denied the allegation that Alex used against him, Chad would be in the house and Alex would not. In fact, he wanted to show Jojo Chad’s true colors and wanted to egg him on, but used Evan the weenie to do it (during the uncomfortable sex session show). Then during his alone time with her, he spews some bullshit about how real his relationship is with her, but then later in his confessional basically says that he was vulnerable and if that doesn’t get him the rose, he doesn’t know what else to do. But now he’s pissed because Derrick was equally vulnerable and got the rose and since Jojo used the word “reassurance” that makes Derrick weak? C’mon Alex, you are better than that-well, I hope you are. I cannot go any further without addressing the “falling in love” that has plagued these guys. Okay, I get it, you guys are in a special circumstance, Jojo is the only girl as far as the eye can see. She’s beautiful, seems pretty charming, good sense of humor, but after a month you’re falling in love? If it was only you and her-secluded from society-for a straight month, I might still question whether you are really in love. But, you guys are with ten other men (more prior to this episode) and your time is divided and not even equally, and you can say you are falling in love?! This blows my mind. I’ve said this before, and I know that these episodes are edited, so we see what ABC wants us to see, but even given that info, you still don’t really know squat about one another. For example, the ex-boyfriend. If you guys knew anything about her at all, you wouldn’t have been worried about that article and her feelings for that asshat. You would also know that after Ben, she befriended him because she didn’t want to see him hurting. That doesn’t make you raise an eyebrow? And not that every relationship hinges on sex, well, okay it hinges a lot on sex and that type of chemistry. In the last episode, Jojo confessed that sex is a very important part of any partnership (sorry, but the word “relationship” is wearing me out) and I couldn’t agree more. I get it, the sexual tension is there every time some of y’all lay eyes on her (Jordan, we can all feel it), and while I’m sure Jojo looks great minus her clothes, what else do you know. What if, she doesn’t like to be on top? What if she can only fuck with the lights off? What if when she goes down on you she only licks it like a lollipop should be licked (thank you Salt n Pepa), no sucking of any kind. All I’m saying is this-it’s okay to have feelings for her, it’s okay to be hopeful that love isn’t too far off, but to declare love after a month and in this type of situation, is complete bonkers. Robby, you even said that saying you love someone is a hard thing for you to say, you went on about how you ended a 3 1/2 year relationship, but you’re feeling it already enough to say it? Bullshit. At least Chad had the right frame of mind when it came to his feelings for Jojo.

Meanwhile, back at the hotel: The only two people not on the group date are Jordan and Robby and we find them getting facials and pedicures. While I could certainly use this time to maybe joke and say things like-“I thought we were watching The Bachelorette not The Bachelor” OR “See, I wasn’t far off with the hair braiding and cosmos remark, was I?” I’ll refrain, because I am a BXTCH who believes that it’s important for a guy to keep up appearances-hear that hubby? There’s no shame in getting those feet rubbed out, not by me, but by someone you pay. Now, these two guys do take the time to discuss who may get the group date rose and the why’s and how’s of that happening. Annnddd, we are back to hair braiding. With Robby being the only one without a date thus far, the one-on-one date card arrives and “Love is within our reach”.

ONE-ON-ONE Date: Since love is within their reach, let’s get this one-on-one with Robby started. They meet up at the beach and then take a trip through town, where they actually bite into a sandwich, it looks like just one bite though, but it’s a start. The daytime portion of there date ends on a cliff. And in a metaphorical (but very real), Bachelorette moment, they jump off the cliff-hand in hand. She also took that same metaphorical (but also very real) leap with Ben and look where we are today. The nighttime date takes them out to dinner and Robby tells Jojo the story of his friend since childhood passing away and how it sorta forced him to re-evaluate his life decisions and one of those being, him breaking up with his long time girlfriend. So, once again we have Jojo shedding some tears (it was a sad story) and we have Robby confessing his love to Jojo, even though he feels that type of confession is not one to take lightly. And Jojo does what every one does when someone puts their love on the table like that-she says “thank you”, that BXTCH is the Bachelorette for a reason. Of course, his continuous surprises and his “I love you” made Jojo’s “heart very happy” and she offers him the rose. Robby recognizes that Jojo didn’t say those three words back, but she did give him the rose which, according to him, is the equivalent to an “I love you”. Oh good grief, what is the name of Olivia’s book? They end the night like all first dates should end (minus the I Love You), with fireworks and who doesn’t love a good firework show. Oh, the metaphorical dates ABC, y’all are really deep.

Meanwhile, back at the hotel: Jordan is leading a power discussion of how the rose ceremony may play out, which is rich coming from him, considering he is safe from elimination. I guess throwing a football isn’t his only strength-or weakness-depending on how you look at it, because he is doing some super math with how many roses there could be for Jojo to hand out. With only eleven guys remaining and three with roses already, leaving eight guys in the water without life jackets, I think any 1st grader could’ve done that math and gotten an A+, but good job QB. Once again, these guys are really upset that Derrick got the group date rose and I have no clue why, even though Alex describes Derrick’s rose as a “pity rose”, which I guess is a better word selection than “dude” or “bro”, so maybe we are making progress. Alex and Chase then question Derrick on why or what he said to Jojo that convinced her to give him the rose. They are spending so much energy on this topic. I’m starting to think that Alex needs to be in politics, because he can really make a mountain out of a molehill. They should really be questioning Jojo on why she gave the rose to Derrick. I’m just bummed that Chase got in on Alex’s bullshit and I’m starting to think that Alex is the real villain. 

The cocktail party starts off all doom and gloom, with each guy professing to the camera how important time with Jojo is. Derrick is really getting the “Mean Girl” (his words) vibe from Chase, Jordan, Robby, and Alex and decides to call them outside for a friendly, male bonding chat. He calls them out on their clique and even though he is only speaking from his behalf, he knows the rest of the guys are feeling it too. The guys were not very welcoming of this type of conversation and they end it quickly. Luke being the inquisitive rancher he is, would like to know what was happening, Jordan fills him in, Wells is the diplomatic one and agrees with Derrick without really agreeing with Derrick. The bitchfest gets cut short when Chris arrives to inform the guys that there will be no kisses, no talks, no one-on-one time with the bride in waiting because Jojo has decided to forgo getting tipsy and just to get on with it and put some guys out. 

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly Recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

The guys without roses are freaking out since there will not be any alone time. But really, when all the roses are handed out, there was really no shock. The guys know who has the connection with her and who doesn’t. Jojo shows up and gets right to it. Of course, Derrick, Jordan, and Robby are all going to survive another week, as well as: Luke, Chase, Alex, James T., and Wells. We say goodbye to Grant, Vinnie, and Evan. This rose ceremony seemed to hit Jojo hard, especially Vinnie’s departure-but the quest for matrimony must go on.

My final three pick continues to be: Jordan, Chase, and Luke. 

The Bachelor/ette | Quotes of the show | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

“We’re taking a bunch of his protein powder that’s left over and spreading those protein ashes. I’m super happy. Sayonara Chad.” -Evan

“I just wasn’t the type of guy for her and fair enough. She obviously going for personality and obviously my personality was [bleep]. If this was based solely on looks, there’s a good chance I’d still be here. My body had nothing to do with this because obviously she doesn’t care about that because she picked guys like Evan and Wells, you know? These guys aren’t on my level, bottom line. No one’s on my level. I know I’m a great catch. I’ve had more experiences than all of these guys have combined. But there’s millions of people in the world and you know, the chance of her falling for me, I got a better chance of getting struck by lightning. . .while. . .you know. . .shaving my face.” -Daniel

“I’m in love, I’m in love, I’m in love!” -Robby

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Once again, what kind of make-up are we using on this show? Jojo jumps off of a cliff-into the water-and the only difference is her hair is now wet. No mascara smudges, no lipstick smears. I walk out in the stifling heat for 2 minutes and my fucking make-up is running down my neck. That make-up is the shit you need to be advertising ABC.

Is it just me or is this season eerily similar to Ben’s season? At the end of tonight’s episode, they of course, showed scenes from next week and then scenes from what appears to be the finale. Once again, the final rose seems a bit controversial, with Jojo not sure. Things seem to be developing a little in the same manner as they did last season (Ben). Either it’s a sheer coincidence or we’re running out of ideas. Let’s take this bus down a different path ABC, I know there’s some creative juices somewhere in there.

Maybe it’s the mom in me, but I cannot handle this, titty baby, tattle telling bullshit. Alex, if you can’t charm Jojo all on your own, then step down. You seem to want to win Jojo by getting other guys eliminated instead of earning her love just because you’re the right guy. You seem to be more of a bully than Chad ever was. And it seems to only get worse the more into the season we move. James T. is going to rat on Jordan, I think someone is going to rat on Robby. C’mon guys, you undermine her intelligence when you feel you need to “inform” her of another guys “true intentions”. She’s smart enough to figure it out on her own and you should let her. I don’t want to get all “Chicken Soup for the Soul” on you, but I promise, if it’s meant to be, it will be.

Sign off Tag

Remember, The Bachelorette airs on ABC Mondays at 8pm EASTERN and 7pm CENTRAL

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The Bachelorette | Episode Four Re-Cap | 06.07.16

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.comIt's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com
BXTCHES Gotta Warn: I really should’ve learned from last nights episode and the tension that it created, that going into tonight’s episode, dousing my liver in some sort of spirits before hitting play on the DVR would’ve been a good plan. Oh mylanta, the boys create way more drama than the girls ever did. Is it entertaining? Hell yeah! Keep reading because tonight definitely needed the full two hours.

Last night on. . . So we didn’t get a rose ceremony, but we get one almost immediately tonight. I think ABC is just giving these guys testosterone by the shot glass full, because it is seeping from their pores. Chad is the center of all it, earned or not, the guys definitely do not want him around and the two episodes this week have them pulling out all stops to ensure that he is riding off alone into the sunset. Well, let’s pick up where last night left us.

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly Recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

After Evan speaks to Chris alone and in a nutshell, tattle tells on Chad, Chris then speaks to Chad alone to ask his side of the allegations. Steroid use gets brought up, which Chad didn’t necessarily deny, he just said that it’s not even possible for him to have them at the mansion. Chris asks that Chad go in and offer a polite apology to the guys, then maybe all will be forgotten. Evan believes that Chad owes him a shirt, Chad’s going to throw twenty bucks his way, Evan also wants an apology, well, that is certainly not going to happen. Chad speaks his peace and now it’s time to get ready for Jojo. In lieu of a cocktail party, Jojo decides that a pool party would be a fun way to hang with the guys and I for one am not complaining about that decision. Who would pass up a chance to see hot guys (I’m not talking to you Evan) in board shorts with no shirt, not this BXTCH. Jojo does a good job spreading her time around. Once again, her and Jordan seem to really have this electric chemistry and I know right now some of the tabloids are painting Jordan out as a “not so great guy”, since I don’t know the entire truth, I will not speculate. What I do know is this, Jordan and Jojo seem to be really hitting it off at every turn. Evan did shed some blood and believe it or not, it was not at the hands of Chad (bummer, right?). I guess the guys decided to do some sort of synchronized dive, Evan’s nose must’ve not been able to handle the pressure, because a tampon would’ve come in real handy at that moment (and yes, every pun intended). And let me add, I hope the idea of a synchronized dive or an ode to Jojo songwriting session is really the idea of some production assistant at ABC, because if this is what these guys are coming up with, they have zero hope when Jojo does pick one of them and the real world comes knocking on their door. A synchronized dive for one (not even sure if that’s a real thing) isn’t going to curl her toes and provide her with any type of  “gasms”. Oh and I almost forgot, there was a chicken fight in the pool. Where was Jojo you ask? On the shoulders of Jordan or maybe Chad? Nope. She wasn’t even in the pool. Yes, these guys had a chicken fight with one another. One each other’s shoulders. I guess seeing Jojo in a bikini really did cause all the blood to leave the brain, because bad decisions were made all around. To pick up with the “Does Chad have a temper or not” game, we turn it over to Derrick. When Jojo asks Derrick how things are in the house, he takes that opportunity to bring up Chad and how the guys in the house are threatened by him. This pool party is bringing out the elementary side of these guys, because lots of tattling seems to be taking place. Of course, Chad overhears this and calls Derrick out on it. They have words and really, it just makes things a bit worse where Chad is concerned. When it comes down to dolling out the roses, Ali, Christian, and Nick find themselves packing their bags and saying goodbye to the mansion and that brings us down to 14 bachelors. The end of the rose ceremony also has the remaining guys packing up and leaving the mansion for good.

This week we will get one group date, one 1-on-1 date, and one 2-on-1 date. So, lots of decisions will need to get made.

Jojo and the guys arrive in Pennsylvania and after some good, rugged manly fun, like sliding down the banister and jumping on beds the one-on-one date card arrives and the lucky fella this week is. . .Luke, with the only hint being “I like you very mush”. Of course the look of defeat on the face of everyone but Luke is pretty priceless. I think Geico should do some sponsorship of the show and one of the commercials should just involve the facial expression of the contestants when they don’t hear their name on a date card and then of course, tie it in with saving money on car insurance. 

ONE-ON-ONE Date: The afternoon portion of the date has Luke and Jojo mushing through nature all cuddled up. It gets better when they arrive at a wood fire tub and Jojo has Luke chopping wood. Once they strip down to swimwear. . .in the Pennsylvania wilderness. . .in the cold. . .I guess it’s good there is a wood fire tub, except when Jojo puts her foot in the water, it’s a bit more heated than she realized, which then heats things up maybe more than Luke realized, because it gives him the opportunity to pick Jojo up, and get into the tub with her, and not put her down until she is able to adjust to the heat. . .of the tub or Luke. . .you pick. It did give Luke the chance to grab onto her ass without coming across as a creep, so score one for the country boy. Since the water temperature was rising and the sexual tension between the two of them was thickening up, why not go ahead and get in some good ole making out and continue to help something rise, after champagne and strawberries of course. The nighttime portion of the date takes Luke and Jojo to a Supper Club, to not eat supper. The conversation has Luke talking about his time in the military and the loss of a real good friend (Kenny Chesney always comes in handy) and once again, Jojo is shedding tears, not that the tears aren’t warranted, Luke has lived a very emotional life, it’s just this may be like the 3rd one-on-one that tears have been shed. I’m just glad that Ben and Lauren did not enter the intimate moment between the two of them. He so gets the rose, duh. They then get a Dan & Shay concert, which ABC must be really hard up to promote these musicians, because it’s always so awkward. Luke and Jojo stand on the stage while Dan & Shay perform, they dance, they make out. . .ALL IN FRONT OF HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE WITH CELL PHONES CAPTURING EVERYTHING ON CAMERA. Because that’s what we all do on first dates. Why not just go to the concert? Why do they insist on having them the center of attention? I get the desire for it all to be magical, but couldn’t that have been achieved just by being fans, watching some live music? Okay, it could be I’m pissed because I have never had a date like that, I’ll admit. I will say. . .Jojo and Luke were really heating it up though, this date must have a theme, right? The have fantastic chemistry, they seem to just fit with one another perfectly, Luke is the stuff great book boyfriends are made of.

Meanwhile, back at the mansion. . .It’s so cute when the guys sit around and speculate about what is about to happen. Jordan and Alex are bonding over trying to figure out if there will be a curveball this week, like a two-on-one date. Chad is sitting around the hot tub pondering life and those who continue to poke the “Chad Bear”. I’m waiting for some of these guys to join the ranks of the Ya Ya Sisterhood. 

Group Date: Derrick, James T., Daniel, Chase, Wells, Vinnie, James F., Evan, Grant, Jordan, Robbie

“We could go all the way” Well, we know she sure as shit isn’t going to join the ranks of any gangbang clubs with that clue, so it could only mean one thing. . .football with the fucking Pittsburgh Steelers and that goddamn Ben Roethlisberger. Look, I’ll just say that I’m not a Big Ben fan and leave it at that. I do not have anything agains Hines Ward or Brett Keisel and they were in attendance as well. Okay ABC, I’m not sure if you’re on the right track with the dates you are setting up for these guys. First, if you’re wanting to draw the attention away from Jojo, then bringing in NFL players will certainly do the trick. Next to a hot woman, nothing will make a guys dick harder than to be coached and play football with the likes of these guys. Hey, I may not be able to stomach Ben Roethlisberger, but I know where he ranks in the likes of the NFL. Second, do you really think every guy on the show is athletic. There’s no faster way to crush a guys ego and his NFL hard-on than by having him look a fool in front of the one he’s really hoping to score with. You guys are not thinking this through. Regardless, I suppose it’s going to be Jordan’s time to shine, he may be a “former pro”, but surely he’s going to be better than the ones on the field. It is certainly comical to watch some of these guys “practice” a sport, which only proves not all guys have athletic ability (I am talking to you Evan). James T. gets head butted pretty good, I mean, blood running down his face good. The guys are then split into two teams, with the winning team moving on to the nighttime portion of the date and the losers going home. Jordan is in the best position because he gets to play QB for both teams, so he’s a winner even if his team loses. The best part of the entire football game was actually watching the guys get ready for the game (you again Evan), I’m quite certain that there is not one player in the entirety of the NFL who takes the amount of time making sure their hair is on point as Evan did. Just take a look for yourself:

It doesn’t take long for Evan to get a bloody nose (I don’t even think he got hit), but I can’t help but thing that this would’ve been the perfect date for Chad to be on. Anyway, the blue team beats the white team and gets the very important evening date with Jojo. Robbie is up first and his time with Jojo comes with a promise from Jojo that he will get his one-on-one time and Robbie in the confessional admitting that he is falling in love with Jojo day after day (you have got to be kidding me), he also believes that Jojo feels the same way. I swear Olivia must’ve written some secret “how to” book and some of the guys are taking straight from those pages. I don’t deny that Jojo and Robbie have some chemistry, it’s not equal to that of Chase or Jordan or even Luke, but it’s more than what Evan has, so there is that. She makes out with several of the guys, but I think the big winner of the night is actually Jordan. Jojo seems to really be #teamjordan, but she feels that he is not as vocal in expressing his feelings and she worries about him having a hard time opening up. Now, I’ll call a BXTCH out if necessary and Jojo, you are upset that Jordan is doing the same thing with you that you did with Ben? Let me refresh your memory, it took you a while to open up and put yourself out there for Ben. So, don’t be the pot calling the kettle black. Jordan takes the opportunity to tell Jojo that he is falling for her and could potentially fall in love with her, the deal is of course not only sealed with some tongue action, but with Jordan receiving the rose as well. Well played QB, well played. The winning team consisted of: Derrick, Robbie, Vinnie, James T., Evan, and Jordan. And I’m sure all of them got their private time with Jojo, the only ones that we didn’t see were Vinnie and Evan. Read between the lines guys. And even I can say that I don’t think I could stomach watching Jojo kiss Evan and I don’t think she really has laid any good ones on him yet, so one would have to wonder if it’s Jojo keeping him around or if ABC is having some sort of say.

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Meanwhile, back at the mansion. . .The losing team has arrived back at the cabin to join Alex, Chad, and Luke and they are sporting matching sweats and matching  frowns (Ya Ya anyone?). The date card arrives and SHOCKER, it’s a two-on-one date, it’s Alex vs. Chad and it means someone is not coming back. The showdown of the season really. And once again, the guys start in on Chad. This must really be some sort of production stunt, because from the looks of things on the big screen, Chad is not really doing anything to warrant the animosity that is thrown at him. Let me give you a for instance: Luke asks Chad a question, Chad responds with “I don’t know” and that answer is enough for Grant to start in on Chad, because Chad gave “another two word answer” (Grant’s words). Just because he said “IDK”? Has Grant even been with a woman? How is he going to react when she answers a question with “fine” when we all know that “fine” never means anything good, coming from a woman anyways. I’m just not on the same I Hate Chad Fan Page that these guys seem to frequent. Now, I think he sometimes doesn’t do himself any favors in the making friends department, but is he really there to be BFF’s with anyone but Jojo? And, someone needs to really get these guys a thesaurus or something, because the only words they seem to know are “dude” AND “bro”.  

TWO-ON-ONE Date: And the stage has been set for one hell of a showdown. “Let’s Get Lost” is the clue they are given and they both know that only one will return at the end of that adventure. But before we get to the actual date, let’s take some time for a little bit of a . . .

BXTCH side commentary: Doom day begins with the filling of the suitcases and the look of relief on the faces of the other guys in the house, grateful that it’s not them having to do the packing. Things escalate very quickly when Chad overhears the guys talking about Alex’s plan for the date. Jordan says something that riles up the beast in Chad, Chad then reminds Jordan that this is just a show and he can find him after the cameras stop rolling. Probably not Chad’s finest moment in the house and things only get worse when Jordan informs Alex of the showdown, giving Alex all the ammo he needs to go to Jojo and get rid of Chad for good. On a side note: is there only one couch in this big, beautiful house? At one point every guy (minus Chad) is crammed on this one piece of furniture and I think during that time, Evan may have found his happy place, smushed in between Vinnie and James T. Back to. . .Chad v. Alex. . .Good v. Evil. . .Marine v. Marine. . .Short v. Tall, you get the point, let’s get to it.

. . .I’m not too sure why this is even labeled a date. Chad and Alex arrive in the wilderness in a helicopter. Jojo’s train of thought has her very confused. She has seen the softness Chad can offer but is worried about the all of the other things about Chad or really, being said about Chad. She certainly likes Alex, I just don’t think she has had the opportunity to really get to know him to see if their chemistry is electric. They take a hike and it’s really the Chad and Jojo show with Alex trailing behind. Chad is very much the gentleman when it comes to guiding Jojo through the brush of the woods. Then things get very awkward. The three of them are sitting by a river, well maybe a river, it’s a body of water of some sort, and then Jojo pulls Alex aside first, where he lays it all out about Chad, including Chad’s earlier threat to Jordan, even though Alex wasn’t even there for the threat, which seems to upset Jojo. He attacks Chad’s communication skills, which I don’t think was very fair, since every one of them seem to have the same set of communication skills. Once Jojo pulls Chad aside, she gives him the opportunity to rebuff the things that Alex has told Jojo, but kudos to Chad, he is completely honest with her, he doesn’t deny things, but does tell Jojo that it would be easier to understand if she were actually there and was able to witness the things that are happening. In the end, Jojo asks Chad if he has threatened anyone in the house, he admits it OR doesn’t deny it so, she gives the rose to Alex. Chad is out. . .but is he really gone? The episode leaves us with Chad hiking his way back to the house. Yes, you read that correctly, he hikes his way back from the two-on-one date that he arrive at in a helicopter. I guess we’ll discuss that more in two weeks.

Once again, ABC leaves us all high and dry. The only one we know for sure is out of contention is Chad. We get a “to be continued” and that is not going to happen for two more weeks. That is not news that makes me a happy BXTCH, but the previews do promise some good shit coming, so maybe ABC will make it worth the wait.

I guess it’s time for me to start picking my final three. I gotta say I think it will come down to: Jordan, Chase, and Luke with James T. pulling in the dark horse card.

The Bachelor/ette | Quotes of the show | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

“I’m the one Jojo wants. Alex knows. . .he knows.” -Chad

“I’m falling in love with Jojo, day by day. I think she confirmed that she’s starting to feel the same way.” -Robbie

“Chad could just play some bizarre mind trick and just be normal” -Evan

“You think I’m scared of you?” -Jordan “I think you should be.” -Chad

“Am I getting pranked right now?” -Chad

Bachelor(ette) Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

There is a part of me that wonders if ABC threw Chad into the mix because they knew he would be good for T.V. and ratings. I’m not at all saying that Chad is Mr. Innocent when it comes to his part in this whole debacle, but I think once Jojo watches everything back, she will see that no one involved can claim innocence. Those guys knew exactly what they were doing when they continued to antagonize Chad, they knew the response they would get and they pounced on it. They kept calling him a coward, but was he really? 

Piggybacking on this Chad fiasco, with Chad gone, some other shmuck is going to have to fill the villain role, I’m not sure if all of those guys realize that or not. Also, do they not realize that they are competing against one another. I mean, if I’m on Survivor (which I would never last on), but wouldn’t it be beneficial to keep around the bad guy or the one you know without a doubt is going to lose. In the end, this is a game. I know the guys are hoping to “Put a Ring on It”, but the process is still a ratings gem. I can only assume the reason for wanting Chad gone is because the guys are threatened by the possibility of what he can offer Jojo. The questions remains: “Is he truly a violent person or was he just reacting to the environment?” Well, something to ponder, I suppose.

Evan didn’t really have an impact this week, but I still would like to remind you all that, I don’t like him. . .at all. . .even a little bit. . .in fact, the more I observe, the more I think that he may actually play for the other team. And I’m not saying that to be derogatory at all, because I don’t think being homosexual is a negative thing, I just think maybe Evan should start coming around to his feelings.

This is going to sound batshit cray cray but, hear me out. How fantastic would it be if ABC did a tandem Bachelor and Bachelorette, at the same time. This could be similar to Bachelor in Paradise, I’ve never seen the show, I will be tuning in this summer though. I haven’t thought it all through, I’m not sure if all of the contestants should be living in the same house (think of the hook-ups) or if they should just live next door. Anyway, just a thought in process. The ratings would be out of control. Just give it some consideration ABC.

 Sign off Tag

 Remember, The Bachelorette airs on ABC Mondays at 8pm EASTERN and 7pm CENTRAL
*will return on Monday 6/20*

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The Bachelorette | Episode Three Re-Cap | 06.06.16

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.comIt's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

BXTCHES Gotta Warn: And yes, this is most certainly a warning. This particular episode had this BXTCH yelling at the television, it was that off putting. Tonight’s episode was just part one, part two continues tomorrow (06.07) night and from the look of things, tonight was just a warm-up. Also, this is another long ass re-cap (I mean super long), I can’t really control or help myself, I’m a bit of an oversharer and this is what happens when we get episodes that are 2 hours long.

Last Week On. . . Last week’s episode was really just a precursor to what ABC had in store for the next two nights and that is. . .Chad. He successfully reached #1 tool status just by doing pull-ups with a suitcase full of his “supplements” attached to his waist. He further cemented that position (with the guys anyway) when he refused to drop to his knees and gush over Jojo to Jojo (I was actually okay with that one) during the group date. He also began to let some true colors start to fly and that color would that be, you ask? Red. . .as in anger. . .as in he gets so mad you can see the veins bulge from his body. . .as in “didn’t ABC properly vet these contestants before the show began?”, well I’m sure you get the point, the dude has some very serious issues that probably need to be worked out in a professional office of some sort. Also, we lost James S., Brandon, and Will. With that elimination, we dropped our “wannabe husband” number down to just 17, so the odds are starting to move to someones favor.

Tonight’s episode will consist of one group date and two one-on-one dates.

When the episode kicks off, it proves one thing. . .men are fucking pigs. The house is just littered with dirty dishes and, as Robby so eloquently put it, Chad’s meat plates are all over the counter. Now, I get it, ABC most likely provides the mansion with a cleaning service, but c’mon, you guys can’t open up the dishwasher, throw in a load, and hit start? It really is that simple. And think about it like this, even if Jojo doesn’t pick you (which for 16 of you, that’s what’s gonna happen) when all is said and done, some lady out there is watching this show and imagining her future with you in it, how impressive will it be when she sees that you can actually be a bit domesticated. It’s a win win for all.

ONE-ON-ONE Date: I’m super excited that Chase is the one awarded the one-on-one date this week. He didn’t get a date last week and instead of sitting around and crying in a tub of ice cream (like the other two, who ironically went home) he used his time during the rose ceremony and really knocked Jojo off of her feet. The only clue Chase is given is. . .“Let’s Get Physical”. When the news is delivered, Chad certainly channeled his inner Olivia. He wonders why he wasn’t chosen, but then goes on to say that he knows he is in a better place with Jojo, more so than anyone else in the house and the reason he has yet to receive a one-on-one is because she is just “taking her time” with him (Chad), oh. . .and he has no worries (his words). Now the date with Chase becomes a little more sexual than I was even expecting. They do yoga. I know what you’re thinking. . .pretty innocent, right? No, no and no. Interestingly enough, the instructor straight off asks them how long have they have been intimate with one another. Really? Like that bitch doesn’t know she is about to give The Bachelorette and date a private yoga lesson. There are cameras in there for fuck sake, what did she think was about to happen? The yoga clothes that they have picked for Chase are not going to do much to hide any excitement that may overcome him, unless he is wearing some really good compression shorts. The yoga begins and all is well, except for the “angergasms” that they must demonstrate (just Google it) and then we get a bit naughty, I ain’t mad at ya, ABC!  The instructor “instructs” Jojo to straddle Chase (called a Yib Yab?), wrapping her legs around his waist and then looking into each others eyes while taking deep breaths. Well, this lasted all of about 30 seconds before Chase said “fuck it” and dove right into Jojo’s mouth. It was much sexier than I’m describing. Oh and by this time, they are both down to bare necessities, Chase in just athletic shorts. . .no shirt. . . lots of sweat. . .with a torso tattoo. . .YUM! While Jojo, in only a sports bra and spandex, has got to be eliciting some sort of reaction in Chase Jr., Trust a BXTCH, it was one yoga move away from turning into a scene from Skin-A-Max. Chase ain’t got to worry about the no date last week, he more than made up for it during yoga. The nighttime portion of their date of course takes them to their fake dinner, which appeared to some sort of chicken dish. Funnily enough, Jojo felt the connection with Chase while she was straddling him, I’m not sure if she meant physically or metaphorically (is that the right word or should I say emotionally?). Chase opens up to Jojo regarding his feelings on marriage and how his parents’ divorce really led him to believe that marriage should be a one time type of thing. Of course, she gives Chase the rose and then leads him out to a private concert by Charles Kelley (Lady Antebellum), which was very romantic but a bit weird, all at the same time. I think all in all, Chase is moving up my favorites scale and even Jojo herself said “This is the start of something really amazing, I can feel it.”

Meanwhile, back at the mansion. . .The boys decide to work out, which I’m all for observing, if it wasn’t so weird. First, the shorts that Daniel is wearing can compete with that of a woman’s, not to mention, he does this really weird arm exercise that apparently forces him to stick out his bum as if he is about to sit on a toilet, but doesn’t want to actually touch the toilet with himself, soooo sexy (be still my heart). Chad is channeling his inner Hulk while Daniel looks on and Evan is doing some very strange squats in some sea foam color shorts, that looks like he may have borrowed from Daniel. It really just appeared that he was only doing squats to make it seem as if he exercised daily or maybe he was wanting to just get an eyeful of Chad and Daniel, who really knows.

Group Date: Jordan, Grant, Wells, James F., Christian, Ali, Daniel, Vinnie, Nick, Evan, Alex, & Chad

I’m not sure if Chad is just someone who likes to start shit or if he is someone who is just brutally honest and it comes across as him being a jackass, possible it’s a bit of both, but when the names for the group date are announced Chad simply states: “Honestly, I don’t even want to go. I’d rather you guys go and do your thing and just get a one-on-one later.” It’s certainly time for a bit of. . .

BXTCH Side Commentary: I have so many things going through my head with the “Reading of the Group Date” card. First, the guys were pissed when Chad made the comment about not even wanting to go. It’s almost as if the other 16 guys aren’t competing to be Jojo’s one and done. Who gives a fuck if he doesn’t want to go? If he were to follow through on his tirade, then he turns out to be the one who looks like a assclown to Jojo, so I don’t get why everyone is so upset, he wants what everyone in the house wants. . .a one-on-one date with Jojo. Calm the fuck down. There were some threats of “taking it outside” and “I’m not scared of you”. Just do a quick circle jerk to get rid of this built up tension, while finally finding out whose dick is actually bigger, so we can put everyone at ease, it’s all about having a little more love and a lot less rage. Back to the group date.

. . .In one of the limo’s on the way to meet up with Jojo, Alex makes the suggestion that someone needs to basically rile Chad up in front of Jojo, so she can see the real Chad. Spoiler Alert!! It’s not going to be Alex that does the dirty work. The guys arrive at a small theater, where on stage a woman is channelling her inner “Sally” and having what appears to be an orgasm (fully clothed, standing at a microphone). Man, there are a lot of “gasms” happening in this episode. In Vinnie’s confessional, he describes the lady as “breathing heavily” and he has never heard anything like that. Really Vinnie? Never? You may want to reevaluate how you do things, it was quite obvious what was happening with “Sally”. Anyway, the purpose of the date is for each of the guys to take the stage and in front of an audience, describe their deepest, darkest, sexual secrets. What the actual fuck ABC? Who is coming up with this shit? First, I believe Jojo was somewhat buzzed. She was throwing her hands in the air a lot, rubbed on Jordan a lot (not that he’s complaining), just actions that seemed to have a lot of liquor behind it. Second, all this date did, was really make the guys uncomfortable and not in a “fun, you know you liked it” way, more in a “TMI, please don’t ever tell that story again” way. Even James F., says to the camera “Mom, you’re gonna have to turn off the T.V. and not turn it back on. . .ever. . .again”. For the love of B.O.B’s everywhere, who wants to discuss this in front of an audience? Well, okay, I would, but I’m also not competing for a walk down the aisle. If you think that the premise of the date sounds weird, it was beyond what you could even conceive. Let’s get back to the Chad Production. He’s not even sure if he wants to participate in this experiment. Why? I’m glad you asked. He doesn’t want to share his sexual past and he doesn’t want to know about hers, he’s not really sure how this is beneficial to his future with Jojo and he feels that his sexual past is something that she has to earn and she hasn’t yet. Time for another. . .

BXTCH Side Commentary: Okay, let’s discuss Chad for a moment. Violence aside because I’m gonna get to that later. I have to agree with what Chad is saying, all of it makes total sense. Any part of your sexual history should be private and should be information earned by your potential lover. I think the problem the guys in the house have with him, is the fact that he’s not there to make friends, he’s there to win over Jojo. Haters gonna hate. Jojo continues to discuss (in her confessional) about how important sex is in a relationship, which I couldn’t agree with more, however her constant emphasis on this detail tells me a couple of things. One, it’s no longer a mystery of whether or not her and Ben bumped up against one another in the fantasy suite last season, they most definitely got down to the business. Two, this should give a couple of guys this season high hopes of what they can expect when they are offered the key. As long as the sex stories that are shared on stage aren’t re-visited, you should be okay.

. . .Evan has decided to use the stage as his way of getting back at Chad, who apparently, according to Evan the Weenie, broke some sort of man code, maybe he uses Cialis instead of Viagra, who knows what man code rule was broken. Although I’m quite sure every man code rule is being broken, based on the fact that you are living in a house with 16 other dudes who are all fighting to be with the same woman, but what do I know. When it’s the Weenie’s turn to share, he decides to use his Erectile Disfunction knowledge and tie that in with steroid use and what ‘roids do to ones goodies and he creates a whole soliloquy with it. Obviously he is talking about Chad, which was mighty brave of Evan, considering he must walk past Chad to get back to his seat, while Chad is walking past him to get to the stage, people (Evan) are shoved, shirts (Evan’s) are ripped, it was loads of testosterone riddled fun. Since I had to sit through the uncomfortableness that was this episode, I will share some of that awkwardness with you BXTCHES. Fair is fair. Grant got caught by the police whilst trying to rid himself of his virginity. We learned that Nick was 16 when he went down on a girl and thought that the alphabet trick would work and we got to see the demonstration minus the available vag. Lord, I pray he has other tricks up his sleeves these days. Jordan was talking about being naked, flaccid, and forgetting to fluff. Not too sure if this was a story that involved his years on a practice squad or if this actually was about a female, we didn’t get the whole lowdown. Ali made out with a girl who had a mustache. Vinnie stripped down to his boxers because I suppose that would make him telling the story of how his mother walked in on him, more comfortable. Daniel tied someone up and cut someone’s hair off while Wells participated in a threesome that involved someone farting. Remember last season with Ben and Olivia did that really strange dance where she popped out of a cake? Remember how awkward and room silencing it was? Chad just had his Olivia moment, I swear those two are meant to be. Anyway, he calls Jojo to the stage, says something about how the past is the past, tries to kiss her, but she turns her head and he gets her cheek. You could hear a pin drop, not really a pin as much as the other men using that opportunity to hoot and holler, all at Chad’s expense. This causes Chad to punch a door and come up on Evan, who still can’t or won’t stand up for himself, it all turns into a disaster really quick. They all wanted to rile Chad up and when he gets riled, they’re all shocked and start in with the “it was all in good fun”. What they really did was just wake the beast. When the nighttime portion of the date begins, everything is going really well. Jordan’s time with Jojo did the trick. He talked about his last relationship and why he is so cautionary. They kiss, and seriously you can feel the chemistry, so you know he’s sticking around a while. Alex claims to be “ride or die”, which seems to be a pretty serious thing to claim after just a week. After Chad tries to disrupt Nick’s time with Jojo, Jojo decides to ask Nick about the situation with Chad. When Chad joins the rest of the fellas, they start to ask him about his “performance”, which seems to be a whole lot of instigating. Evan then gets involved by asking Chad “why are you here?”, and I have to agree with Chad on this one, it seems that the Erectile Weenie is really trying to just get a rise out of Chad (no pun intended). When Chad gets his moment with Jojo, he’s really honest and lets her know that he would’ve preferred to not be on a date with 12 other dudes. While they are in the middle of their convo, Evan interrupts, then gives Jojo an ultimatum and tells her that in order for him to stay, Chad has to go. Now, I will go ahead and tell you that Jojo gives the rose to Evan, but not with the suggestion that she’s not getting rid of Chad. If it helps, she has only kissed Evan the way one would kiss their significant one when you first wake up in the morning. . .you know the one that says, “good morning, I love you, but you better not bring you tongue anywhere near my mouth until you and your toothbrush have been intimate.” So, I’m not sure why Jojo is keeping Evan around, I don’t think he’ll be there in the end, I guess we just have to wait and see what transpires. 

BXTCH Side Commentary: I have to unload an Evan rant. First, he’s just as much, if not more of a wanker as Chad is. In fact, I’m not sure I can even compare him to Chad. At least Chad is honest. I know he has a temper issue and I’m not sure what’s at the bottom of it, but when you continually poke at a bear, the bear is going to bite back. It is my personal opinion that Evan may want the “bear” to poke back (wink, wink. . .nudge, nudge). Evan has yet to stand up for himself. He proved himself a cocksucker by doing Alex’s dirty work for him and attempting to “expose” Chad to Jojo, then later chalking it up to “good fun” and “stand up comedy”. He’s a snake. At least with Chad, you know what you’re getting, roid rage and all. Evan does his work sneaky. And during some one-on-one time, Jojo commented on how great of a father Evan is. . .really? We know this how? By his actions so far, I wouldn’t even call him a good man, much less a great father. It gets even worse when back at the mansion, Evan calls Chris Harrison outside and tries to expose Chad to him. I would call him a pussy, but really? That’s an insult to not only my pussy, but pussies everywhere.

The information contained here is presented important source generic levitra sale for educational, informational purposes only. General weakness and lethargy, a sign of kidney failure, can be caused by the levitra sale http://appalachianmagazine.com/2017/04/11/pokeweed-americas-tasty-salad-and-highly-poisonous-plant/ build up of toxins and unhealthful lifestyles. Our renowned product has additional benefits to improve the sildenafil cialis http://appalachianmagazine.com/2016/01/04/west-virginias-trout-stocking-begins-today-wvdnr-announces-changes-for-2016/ hormonal balance of the body and to balance the production of natural brain chemicals. We all know lowest price tadalafil it’s no fun for either party when the man blows his load early. ONE-ON-ONE Date: James Taylor is up and boy is he excited. “Let’s Kick it Old School” is the clue he is given and when they meet up, their attire dictates that they are certainly going back in time. They arrive at a dance school and learn a little swing dancing. James makes it clear from the word go that dancing is not his strong suit and I’m here to say, it isn’t, but he gets an A+ for effort and enthusiasm. After learning a few moves they then move into the streets and show the folks what they’re made of. It was really cute and very charming. The nighttime date takes them parking (old school, remember?). Jojo does confess (to the camera) that she needs this date to see if there is any kind of romantic connection with James, because while he’s a great guy, she’s not really feeling the heat with him. All that changes when he starts to tell her his ugly duckling story. . .you know, the “I wasn’t cute growing up and I got made fun of”, the shit that women eat up. He then brought the whole thing home when he pulled out the guitar and serenaded her and let’s face it, that’ll make any girl want to lose her panties. In the end, James earns himself a rose and another week and more time at convincing Jojo why she should change her name.

Meanwhile, back at the mansion. . . The guys have called in security to offer protection from Chad. It’s actually pretty hilarious, especially because if Chad were to lay one of the guys out. . .he would be off the show quicker than he could say steroids, and. . .imagine the attention the fallen would get from Jojo, it would keep them on the show for at least 3 more weeks, so maybe Evan should go ahead and make the sacrifice since he is for sure not making it to the end. I’m trying to be a little pro Chad, but when he takes out a fucking whole sweet potato and begins to eat it, skin and all, even I wrinkled my forehead at that. It didn’t help when he pulled out some lettuce and started chomping on it like he was Thumper. 

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Jojo decides to forego the cocktail party and just do a pool party with the guys. Which is code for “I need these guys to see how hot I look in a bikini, it’s way past time”. And good for you Jojo, because if I had the body that you have, I would be in a bikini 24/7. And this is where the show leaves us.

Quote Tag

“If Chad and Daniel don’t find love with Jojo at the end of this. I feel like they might ride off in the sunset together.” -Evan

“I can confidently say this is the first time I have mounted a guy on a first date.” -Jojo

“Be not so much like Hitler and maybe be more like Mussolini or Bush, right.” -Daniel

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While I don’t think that James T. will make it down on one knee standing in front of Jojo, I do think he is a great guy who is going to make some girl extremely happy. I would like to see him possibly as the next Bachelor, I just don’t know if he has it in him to send girls home, I think his heart is too soft for that kind of emotional scarring.

If I haven’t made myself clear yet, I am not an Evan fan. I first thought that maybe he would be fun, not going all the way to the end, but he would make the weeks till the final rose entertaining. I am ashamed that I ever even thought that. I think that Chad actually said it right when he said. . .“No girl on planet Earth ever picks Evan for anything. Ever.”. I get it, looks aren’t everything, but c’mon, this would be a totally different show if looks were not a factor. Surely I’m not the only one in America asking the question. . .“Why in the fuck is Evan still in contention?” 

I’m not sure where Chad’s anger issue stems from, but I do think there is an underlying problem. Having said that, I will say that I believe that the guys in the house do what they can to fan the flame of rage, which is not only immature, but really stupid. I do not condone violence, but why continue to agitate Chad and then turn around and say that you fear for your life, it just seems like a very bad plan. If you’re going to act like a women then go all out and just talk shit about each other behind each other’s back, then ask to borrow lipstick or whatever it is you guys do when no one is looking. On a side note, Chad’s BFF, Daniel, did ask him if he wanted to punch Evan and Chad said “no, I just want him to leave me alone”, so maybe Chad just spews a lot of threats when his back is against the wall and has no intention of starting a Bachelorette Brawl. But hey, maybe we should get that show in the works. Hello ABC, are you listening?

With one full season of reality love under my belt, I’m pretty sure I’m an expert enough to tell any future contestants. . .stop stressing out over the one-on-one date or lack thereof. Here’s what I think, I believe that the person picked for a private date with Jojo or whoever is in that position, is picked because the bachelor/ette isn’t sure about that person and needs the one-on-one time to see if there happens to be a connection. If you are dying to go on a private date but haven’t been chosen, but you know you and the bachelor/ette have a connection, then chill the fuck out, they are not picking you yet for a reason. Now, if you haven’t been picked and you haven’t really spent any time at all with the bachelor/ette, then I give you full permission to stress out and complain to America while showing all of us why it is you’re actually single.

Sign off Tag

**Remember, The Bachelorette airs on ABC Mondays at 8pm EASTERN and 7pm CENTRAL**

 

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The Bachelorette | Episode Two | Re-Cap | 05.31.16

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.comIt's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com
BXTCHES Gotta Warn: First, this is going to be a long ass re-cap, but well worth it. What do you expect with a 2-hour episode, I gotta cover it all. Second, I should really call this Last Week On. . . but, why change a good thing, right? So, last Monday wasn’t all that juicy, but it was the very first episode. We did lose six guys and out of those six, Jojo should’ve kept at least Peter (in my opinion) but that’s just me being totally shallow. I know nothing about the guy, except he is hot as fuck, but I do know she kept Daniel, who stripped down to his undies, and a couple of other guys who I personally think weren’t on her “pick list”, but what do I know, I am merely an observer. Tonight should be interesting, because we start the dates. There are two group dates and one one-on-one date, and of course, we will be saying goodbye to even more who are “Desperately Seeking Wife”. Just joking. . .I’m totally down with this reality love shit. Let’s dive right in, BXTCHES.

“To a beautiful girl, a beautiful life, fuck you guys, I’m gonna make her my wife.” I know this should’ve made the quotes of the show list, but it was so good, I couldn’t wait. So, guess who’s been catching up on his Emily Dickinson? That’s right, Chad. . .and after tonights episode, he is definitely making his presence known. And this is how episode two kicks off. While I actually thought the toast was quite clever, the others in the house, not so much. Too sensitive? Maybe, but it doesn’t take long to figure out that the guys are either super intimidated by Chad or they just know the kind of guy he is and it’s not too good.

Group Date #1: Luke, Grant, Will, Evan, Daniel, Vinny, Ali, James F., Wells , & Robby.

The clue. . .“Lets Heat Things Up”, and to get the inferno started. . .ABC thought it would be a great idea to set a limo on fire, which was a little corny, but it did produce Jojo in a fireman’s uniform. . .with a hose. . .that she was wielding. . .to put out the fire. . .which I’m quite sure the guys were imagining her wielding another type of “hose” that’s used to start an entirely different set of flames, so all in all I guess it did the job. The guys then arrive at a training academy for firemen, which is a bit unfair considering that Grant is an actual fireman and is included in this date, so how shameful would it be if he didn’t just obliterate the other guys in whatever is going to happen at this academy. So, they get decked out in the uniforms, which I must say. . .good job Jojo or whoever it is that picked this date, because really, who doesn’t enjoy seeing hot men in a hot uniform? The purpose of the date (if there really is a purpose, other than hot men in a uniform, how many times am I going to say that in this paragraph?) is the guys competing in drills and the top three then compete to “save the girl” and that winner gets some extra Jojo time. Unfortunately for Wells, this is not the occupation for him, the fact he didn’t drop to the ground from a heat stroke, surprises the hell out of me. He does manage to get a medic called, but it all works out in the end, because Jojo is concerned enough to go spend some time with him. And, because of his “never quit” attitude, Wells actually makes it in to the final three, we didn’t see him past the first obstacle, but he certainly gets an “A” for effort. It comes down to Grant and Luke. . .Grant coming out the victor (SHOCKER!). All that really means is he gets a few extra minutes of alone time with Jojo during cocktail hour.

Cocktail hour kicks off with Jojo getting to learn a little more about Grant and the other guys actually sitting around talking about who they think will get the rose, which I actually thought was amusing. I expect it from the women, not so much the men. . .I suppose that makes me a stereotyping BXTCH, but I’ll own it. Jojo gets in some quality time with each guy and her biggest question/concern is about past relationships the guys have been in. And of course, she takes some time to make out. I was expecting it to be more awkward than it actually was, in fact, it was pretty steamy, I guess in the end the fireman challenge did serve a purpose. Wells almost passing out did some good in the end, because he may have failed at being a firefighter, but who gives a fuck when he winds up with the rose in the end?

Meanwhile, back at the mansion. . .Chad fills up a suitcase with all of his protein. . .not his “protein”, but his supplements, then secures the suitcase around his waist and does some sort of pull-ups, while the other guys look on. Now, while I did enjoy watching this very public display of “my dick is bigger than yours”, I did think it was a bit on the strange side. . .but hey, whatever gets your “protein” a movin’. James Taylor (not the James Taylor, but a James Taylor) and the rest of the guys, sans Chad, decide to have a kumbaya moment and write Jojo a song, and yes, it is as cheesy as is sounds. 

ONE-ON-ONE Date: Derrick is the lucky one and he must really impress Jojo on this date, because if you don’t get the rose at the end of your time together, you go home. The date kicks off with some choices needing to be made. Choice #1: Sky or Sea (Sky wins); Choice #2: North or South (North wins and South is pissed). . .these choices get them to San Francisco where they must decide on Choice #3: Golden Gate Bridge or Lombard Street (Golden Gate Bridge, of course). This gets them a pretty romantic picnic overlooking the Bay and the bridge. Derrick is certainly feeling the fireworks. Nighttime arrives and Jojo’s curiosity goes back to past relationships and what happened to end it and Christ on a cracker, what is it with the “I don’t let people in, because I get hurt” AND “I haven’t really talked about this with anyone” sappy stories? Well, let me ruin it for you BXTCHES, Derrick was in love and got cheated on and guess what that got him? On The Bachelorette, that’s what, so Derrick, who should be the one crying now? Flip that bitch the bird and shove your tongue down Jojo’s mouth like she belongs to you. You know that hussie is watching and now she is crying to Ben and Jerry. Anyway, back to our normal programming. . .Jojo gives Derrick the rose and he rewards her with a little tongue action. There you go, Derrick, climb back up on that horse.

Meanwhile, back at the mansion. . .they are still singing that damn song, which the only lyrics I know are “JjjjJojo. . .JjjjJojo”, go ahead and get that stuck in your head, you’re welcome. Chad and Daniel are bonding, bromance style, while discussing the dangers of falling for the nice guy, when in the end, the bad guy is usually the nice guy and the nice guy turns out to be the bad guy, but not in a good way. Got it?

Group Date #2: Jordan, Christian, Nick, James T., Alex, and Chad.

The clue. . .“Prove your love to me and the nation”. Not to put down vaginal nation, but these guys are worse than the fucking women. Three guys go without dates this week (Brandon, Chase, and James S.) and Kleenex should go ahead and sponsor this show because these guys are devastated. I get it, you wanna chance to crack the code, but Chad keeps it real when he tells the guys that basically they have gone their entire lives without knowing Jojo, just wait a day or so, it’s not a big deal. I’m sure it’s easy to say that when you’re the one who gets a date, needless to say Chad’s extra commentary is causing his enemy list to add up. The guys arrive at the ESPN studios and I’m quite sure a couple of hard-ons filled it up below the waist and if they didn’t, they can always turn to Evan. Plus, this is probably the closest the pro-football playing Jordan has ever been to actually being on ESPN and it took The Bachelorette to make that happen. Their challenge is taking place on the set of SportsNation (or BachelorNation, ABC y’all sure are cute) and they must first “Strike a Rose” which has them doing an “in your face” type of dance. You know, like “I just made a phenomenal play and now I’m gonna celebrate by acting a fool”. Trust a BXTCH when she advises you to not watch that segment, please. . .I was embarrassed for them. Especially Jordan. . who, one would think he would have a celebration dance down, considering his “pro football” status, but no, he doesn’t, not even a little bit, like at all. I thought Nick was actually “Tuning in Tokyo”, but it was his version of taking a shower, so yeah, that’s what you missed. The next challenge is “Eye on the Prize”, which has the guys getting super dizzy, then dropping or attempting to drop to one knee and proposing to Jojo. This challenge is fantastic and it’s all because of Chad. He just comes with a simple “will you marry me?” and then tells Jojo that she’s a “little naggy”, but in his defense. . .he’s not going to say what he loves about her because he doesn’t know her and he has a hard time understanding how these guys are already saying things that they love about Jojo, but his point is, how could they know what they love about her, if they’ve only known her for maybe a week and he let’s that known during the press conference portion. So, while the guys may think that Chad is the #1 douchecanoe, I can appreciate his honesty and I think Jojo is appreciating it as well. Once the power rankings come through, James T. is on top, followed by Chad, then Alex. And once the top three are announced, I’ve decided that these guys need to visit a LowT center. . .quickly, either that or get them a tampon, because being so emotionally affected by Chad, can only be attributed to either low testosterone or being on your man period, c’mon, that has to be a thing.

Cocktail hour arrives and since James T. came in first in the power rankings, he gets Jojo first, with a little bit more time. He does pull out a note that I suppose he wrote, maybe so he wouldn’t forget what he wanted to say to her, akin to an Oscar speech and while I thought it was sweet, albeit dorky, Jojo was moved by his words. He did get himself a kiss, but I wasn’t feeling that. I think he’s sweet, but I just don’t see him with Jojo in the long run. Each of the guys gets their time with Jojo and I just wish they would treat the short amount of time they have with her more like a first date in their real life. I understand why they would be kissing her ass, but I think it’s overly fake. I know Chad is pulling in the #1 spot in Prick Power Ranking with the rest of the guys, but he does seem to be hitting it off with Jojo. They make a wish at the wishing well that ends with a connection. . .of their lips. . .that was pretty hot. . .you did good Chad. The group date started with Chad not understanding how the guys can already be in deep with their feelings for Jojo, but ends with him admitting feelings and giddiness about Jojo. . .that BXTCH must have one magical tongue. Chad’s wasn’t magical enough however, because James T. winds up the winner of the group date rose. I guess it doesn’t matter if I’m the one not feeling a Jojo + James T. connection, because he’s doing something right. . .“jjjjJojo”

BXTCH side commentary: Look, I’m just as excited about Jojo being the Bachelorette as these guys are, maybe not just as much, but close. However, I cannot wrap my head around how quick these contestants are to claim her as “the one”. Do we really know that much about her? Okay, she’s beautiful, has a great rack, fantastic hair and a pretty nice tan. But there hasn’t been any really deep conversation, just a whole lot of “let me pet you and tell you how pretty and perfect you are”. I understand we don’t see it all, but c’mon, it’s the beginning, you know there hasn’t been talk about world viewpoints OR does she recycle OR does she prefer her Christmas tree to be real or fake, I’m talking the important stuff here BXTCHES! These guys don’t even know if she sucks dick well or even at all, what are you going to do then. My point is, stop with the “she’s my dream girl” crap. I’m sure she is someone’s dream girl, but it may not be you.
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ABC certainly saved the best for last. Cocktail party/rose ceremony starts out with the fellas wondering where the hell Chad is, and Chad is outside waiting for Jojo getting some fresh air when Jojo pulls up and since Chad just so happens to have an extra glass of wine, he offers it to Jojo and takes the opportunity to get in a little convo and a quick kiss. . .that was some fresh air alright. When Chad walks in with Jojo, ABC should’ve had a photographer at the ready, just to capture the moment the guys realized he was outside with Jojo the entire time. Chad may have Jojo on the brain, but the fresh air has taken him away from the kitchen and must’ve put him behind nutritionally, because the way this is edited, has Chad eating during the ENTIRE rose ceremony and maybe it wasn’t meant to be funny, but it was fucking hilarious. Chase is one of the three guys who didn’t get a date with Jojo and holy hotness, he more than makes up for it during his one-on-one time with her. He somehow arranged for fake snow to be rained upon them and made promises to teach Jojo how to snowboard and the time ends with Jojo on his lap, so who really needs a group date? Chad is really pulling out the stops, he doesn’t hesitate to interrupt both Alex and Evan’s time with Jojo, so this incites the boys to call him out, twice. The first time they surround him, we learn that Chad has absolutely no rhythm. We learn this when Chad has a little one-on-one time with the camera and compares the posse to that of West Side Story, dance and all. Alex calls out Chad’s inability to talk to Jojo the way he talks to the other contestants. Do we really want him talking to Jojo and the guys the same way? It seems like that would be a different kind of show. The second time he gets confronted, we learn that Chad has a bit of a temper and bring back the firemen, because the fuse has been lit. Alex is the leader of the “Care Bear Posse” and I’m actually quite surprised fists didn’t get thrown, the word “bro” did however, a lot.

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly Recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.comWe started the episode with 20 eligible bachelors and will end with just 17. In the course of two group dates and one, one-on-one date, we lost, James S., Brandon, and Will. So, from the pre-disposed ABC fan favs, James S. the “Bachelor Superfan” is gone. My only complaint about Jojo eliminating James S. and Brandon is that neither of them were picked to participate in any of the dates and maybe, just maybe, she should wait until she has had the opportunity to have some lengthier one-on-one time with them before she crushes all hopes of them finding the one to share their last name with. I mean, James S. did seem like he would be able to get some good belly laughs from you, but I suppose if Jojo actually knew that his “occupation” was listed as “Bachelor Superfan”, that probably didn’t help his cause.
Quote Tag

“The last time I pulled a hose like that, was probably back home when I was in my apartment.”-Daniel

“The best thing about Jordan is his brother. The worst thing about Jordan? He’s not his brother.”-Chad

“When you miss a meal and look like that, it’s detrimental to your progress. At least that’s what I heard from him, I wouldn’t know.”-James S. (on Chad’s eating habits)

Bachelor(ette) Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.comThis news is amazeballs. . .next week we get two, yes two episodes (Monday and Tuesday) and we may actually see those fists flying because it seems like Chad is about to show his other side.

This is going to sound super bitchy for me to say, so I apologize in advance. To ABC. . .please remove the “pro football player” title from Jordan’s name. For his occupation, just put whatever it is he actually does now. I’m not saying that he shouldn’t be proud of the fact that he was on three NFL teams, he should be, but with Aaron Rodgers as his brother, he probably shouldn’t brag too much about his practice squad NFL career. I’m afraid he thinks the “pro football player” title makes him sound cooler than it actually does or he actually is. . .pick your poison.

Obviously, I have no idea what’s going to happen with Chad, but if by some chance, Jojo doesn’t pick him, please, for the love of Jerry Springer and just my pure entertainment, let Chad and Olivia hook up, somehow, somewhere and let it be televised. 

Jojo. . .girl, you have to stop bringing up Ben and Lauren. You don’t want a love like them, you want a love like “Jojo and ______” (fill in the blank). I get it, you got burned, but every time you bring up Ben’s name, it just reminds people of the fact that he was somebody you were in love with (and not that long ago) and I may not be an expert, but my guess is the ones who are hoping to be the one you fall in love with, certainly do not want to be compared to Ben. Do you girl!Sign off Tag

Remember, The Bachelorette airs on ABC Mondays at 8pm EASTERN and 7pm CENTRAL.

 

 

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The Bachelorette | Episode One | 05.23.16

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It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Episode One 05.23.16 | Recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.comIt's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Episode One 05.23.16 | Recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

BXTCHES Gotta Warn: So, last season of The Bachelor (Ben the Bachelor) was the very first time that I have devoted my time to an entire season of the show. . .and holy shit. . .I LOVED IT!! My love for all things “reality ever after” doesn’t change the fact that I’m still a bit cynical and somewhat sarcastic when it comes to this entire process, but boy oh boy, am I addicted! Just a quick FYI, since last season was my very first crack at The Bachelor, this is my very first time to devote myself to The Bachelorette and since I feel that I’m already invested in Jojo, then I’m certainly going to be head over heels in love with this season of the ‘Ette.

Now, if you missed last season on The Bachelor, you missed quite a lot. But, here’s what it boils down to. . .Ben told both Lauren and Jojo that he loved them and I for one really thought Ben was looking for Jojo to be Mrs. Ben Higgins. Obviously Ben didn’t consult this BXTCH and instead he went with Lauren (I guess it’s not about me, though). But, all is good. Ben + Lauren is looking like a Happily Ever After AND we got Jojo as the new Bachelorette. So really, we’re all winning in the end.

BXTCH side commentary: These episodes are like forever long, I’m not really complaining, but because they are 2 hours, these re-caps tend to run long as well, not 2 hours long, but close. I would apologize, but I feel they are certainly entertaining, so apologizing is almost an injustice. Just read. . .enjoy. . .and don’t forget to tune in next week.

Tonight was episode #1 and you all knows what that means. . .awkward introductions. . .best first impressions. . .worst first impressions. . .who’s the drunkest. . .and the question that I’ve actually been wondering since Ben ended his season. . .will the men be just as crack ass crazy as the women? Now, I’m not yet sure what the answer to that question is, but I can tell you this. Someone has already stripped down to the skivvies, there’s a Santa Claus, a self-proclaimed Bachelor Superfan and the only selling point you will need to tune in week after week. . .an erectile dysfunction specialist is one of the contestants. Okay, there are many other selling points, but I’ll get to those later.

There really isn’t too much to tell (or really spoil) about this episode, it is after all a meet and greet, but oh good and plenty, this episode does provide us with lots to still talk about.

Let’s just start at the beginning. Jojo kicks off her season with sitting down with three former Bachelorettes, Des, Kaitlyn, and Ali. I actually only recognized Ali, but after doing a bit of research (aka Google), it’s time for a little bit of:

BXTCH side commentary: Thanks to wetpaint.com, this BXTCH found out some interesting stats tonight. After 20 seasons of The Bachelor (Ben was season 20), there are only 3 couples who are still together (season’s 13, 17, and 20), so that seems like an awful lot of. . .”well, I enjoyed the exotic dates and getting to know you away from the real world, but now that we’re back to actual reality and life is officially kicking my ass and I’m in the middle of my 15 minutes, you don’t look so good for me.” Now for The Bachelorette stats. . .after 11 seasons (this season makes #12), 4 couples are still going strong (season’s 1, 7, 9, and 11), so the ladies who do the picking seem to have more luck. . .or wisdom, go with whichever one works for you. Now, digging even further in (thank you wetpaint.com) there are 6 “unofficial” Bachelor/ette couples who came together after their respective seasons. Some are from different seasons of The Bachelor/ette, some are spawned from the Bachelor in Paradise franchise. So, I suppose with a grand total of 13 couples together, all in thanks to The Bachelor, which I suppose, “started it all”, maybe, just maybe something is working.

Let’s get back to the episode. After Jojo was able to seek some advice from the ladies, two of which were successful in their “hunt for a husband”. Both Des and Kaitlyn found their HEA (hopefully) via ABC and Ali isn’t doing too shabby, she is expecting with her other half, so any advice may be good advice for Jojo at this point. But I think the advice that she should actually hold onto is. . .focus on compatibility AND whichever guy you’re actually drawn to the most, ignore him for about a week AND be careful of the super hot ones (that’s just great advice all around, reality show or not) AND learn to recognize love from lust. All great advice, except the main reason we’re actually tuning in, other than true love and all that jazz, is for the super hot ones, so please bring it on.

Jojo is left with the daunting task of having to dwindle 26 guys down to 1 (life is a true BXTCH, right?). Before they start the meet and greets, ABC is so gracious that they actually highlight several of this season’s contestants. Which, let’s be real, is ABC’s way of secretly saying. . these are the ones that we have selected to be fan favorites and want to move well in to this season. We start with Grant the Firefighter, he’s from San Fran and knew from an early age he wanted to help people (if he starts with that, he should be golden). Then we move onto Jordan the Pro-Football Player (former), he is actually the little brother of Aaron Rodgers and of course, I know who he is, however, I had or have no idea who the fuck Jordan is or who he even played football for, I even Googled him and after looking at his “football career”, he’d be better off putting down “Aaron Rodgers’s little brother” on his resume, but I’m more interested to see how her family interacts with him (if he is to make it that far), they are from Dallas after all. Moving on to Alex the Marine. He’s from California as well and has tats, rides a motorcycle, and has a twin brother, the only thing he doesn’t have, is a lot of height, but this is coming from someone who is as tall as, if not taller than the average male, but other than that, what else do you need? Next is James the Bachelor Superfan, do I really need to say anything else about this guy? Evan the Erectile Dysfunction Specialist is knocking on the door next. He’s from Nashville, not too terribly attractive, but does know how to make a dick hard and keep it that way, so score one for the doctor of all things cock (maybe not an actual M.D., but I’m sure what he does gets the job done). He threw A LOT of puns into his interview. . .“A lot of what I do, is just you know, pump up my guys and gettin em excited.”. . .”It’s a hard business.” I’m not sure if he is just that linguistically creative or just really a dork, I’m leaning towards the latter, but stay tuned for my diagnosis. Ali the Bartender is from Santa Monica and they didn’t focus too much on him, so this BXTCH doesn’t see him sticking around too long. Christian is a Telecom Consultant from Los Angeles and judging him by his interview, he likes to work out, like, a lot. He’s does have some personal stuff from his childhood and being the expert that I am, you know, with one season under my belt and all, this shit is going to come up in some deep talk that he is inevitably going to be having with Jojo at some point, she is going to “understand”, because she has some issues of her own and a connection will be born, or so I predict. Look out for Luke the War Veteran/Rancher from Texas. Okay, he’s got a lot going for him. I can already tell you that this guy is going to know exactly what to say and when to say it, when it comes to knocking Jojo off of her feet. So, I guess only time will actually tell if these guys will make Jojo just as hard as they made ABC.

The “Holy Shit, what in God’s name are they thinking” award surprisingly, doesn’t just apply to the ladies. I even thought that these meet and greets will be a little less tame, not as embarrassing, just all around, pretty normal, since we were dealing more with the state of Pennsylvania rather than Virginia, if you know what I mean. I don’t like to imply that women are bit more of a hot mess when it comes to this particular situation, but c’mon, when women are dealing with a gorgeous man, anything goes, including sanity. Turns out, men may not be crazy like the females, but they’re really weird. Watching some of these fools (for lack of a better word) attempt to make a lasting impression on her, while it is certainly entertaining, is really uncomfortable. That’s not to say that some didn’t pull off whatever it was they were trying to do to open Jojo’s eyes. I can even understand the need to stand out, I mean, Jojo showed up to meet Ben with a unicorn head on, but if you’re going to do it, commit to it and for the love of reality romance, practice that shit, so you’re not left looking like the wrong kind of fool and doing a run through in front of your peeps will allow your true friends tell you whether or not whatever schtick you’re planning will actually work. Santa, as in Claus, even showed up, and he was determined to keep up appearances because he left that damn suit on for the entire night and you know that fucker was producing some serious heat, in all areas of his body, imagine that, but it worked because he got himself a rose and Jojo sat on his lap. Who’s laughing now guys?

Back in the house, the guys are actually starting to feel the stress of the evening. They’re busy sizing each other up and of course, judging how each one after arrives and greets Jojo. It’s actually a bit refreshing to see that men are just as insecure and catty as the women can be. When it comes time to having some one-on-one time with Jojo, all the guys are pretty nervous, comically so. But then Jordan steps in. He’s very relaxed, able to hold a conversation without stuttering. And thank the football gods he doesn’t bring up his brother, I’m sure he will, but we’ll cross that Green Bay bridge when we get there. Ohh. . .and he does get in a kiss, so score one for the ball player, y’all. I’m not sure when these contestants are going to learn, but consuming enough alcohol to cause an entire AA meeting to fall right off of the wagon, isn’t really the right way to go, is it? I mean, one guy (Daniel) gets so intoxicated that he actually takes off his clothes, well, down to the undies. Which, guys still wear tighty whities? Or in his case. . .tighty blackies? Have we not converted all of male America to boxer briefs. I think we need to start some sort of movement. . .

#noboxerbriefsthennothong OR #tightywhitiesequalsgrannypanties.

Tighty whities aside, Daniel is just plain awkward, he’s poking belly buttons (see quote below), wearing a tie that would fit my eight year old (without being too big), and doing some really strange type of body building poses, shirtless. When Jojo has to actually ask you if you’re wearing a thong, you may want to reconsider some of your choices. But Daniel isn’t the only one to make you squint. Guys are walking in on Jojo and her confessional, which by the name alone, indicates it should be private. There are actually guys who didn’t use or maybe don’t know how to use their mouth to brain filter, and thought that maybe it was okay to bring up things that I can only imagine are still painful for Jojo. I guess the age old question of  “I wonder why they’re single” just got answered.

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I actually thought that Jojo would give the first impression rose to Jordan and guess what? This BXTCH was spot on. Now, that doesn’t say much considering I also predicted that Ben would give the first impression rose to Olivia and John said it best, when he said. . .“Olivia got the first impression rose last season, and she got left on an island.” There you have it.

 

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Episode One 05.23.16 | Recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Out of 26 men, 20 get roses. So, that leaves. . .Sal, Nick S., John, Jake, Coley, and Peter looking elsewhere for their matrimonial ending. I will say that our ABC pre-disposed fan favorites are all safe and I don’t like to think that things are rigged in any way, shape, or form. . .but Daniel gets a rose, for crying out loud. This is someone that she had to tell to put his clothes BACK ON, like you would your two year old who has a penchant for running around, free-balling it, without a care in the world. Interesting, I guess we’ll have to see how it plays out.

 

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Episode One 05.23.16 | Recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

“If you’re feeling it, like, feel it.” -Desiree Hartstock

“I’m half Chinese and half Scottish, but luckily for me, I’m half Scottish below the waist.”. . .”I’m not wearing any panties.”-John

“At any point tonight, you feel like you’re getting stressed, I give you permission to squeeze my balls.” -Sal

“If I was gay, I’d be in paradise.” -Daniel

“You better be able to do a push up with a girl sitting on you.” -Jordan (I think)

“You never poke another man’s belly button. I don’t care what the scenario is.” -James F.

Bachelor(ette) Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

At the end of episode one, we get a glimpse into this season. . .and let me tell you BXTCHES, it is going down. Lots of “I Love You’s” get said, it seems that maybe men are just as into this idea of finding love, so much so, that violence is going to be an issue. Oh, mercy me. . .it’s gonna be Jerry Springer good.

There were four Lauren’s last season on The Bachelor, with one of them taking the ring in the end. There are three James’ on this season of The Bachelorette. All three are still in the running, so keep your heads up  guys, it actually may all be in the name or sharing of the name. Either way, the odds are certainly in your favor.

Well, that’s all for this week. It’ll get more interesting, trust. Stay tuned.

Sign off Tag

The Bachelorette airs on ABC Mondays. . .7pm CENTRAL/8pm EASTERN

 

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