BXTCHES Gotta Warn: I tried. I really did. It’s been 66 (or so) days since my last political driven post and while I thought back then I had actually said all that needed to be said. . .boy was this BXTCH wrong. I figure it’s probably best for me to just jump right in and go full throttle, but I promise, I will try to include some positivity in my closing.
I’m currently sitting in a hotel room in San Antonio at 2:50am, on January 15th. Earlier this evening (well, yesterday evening), my husband called to inform me that my daughter left her volleyball warm-ups sitting in our kitchen. Oh, I guess I should say that I’m in San Antonio for a volleyball tournament. . .for my daughter’s final season of club volleyball. . .an important season for my athletic, but academically deficient daughter. Now, when my hubby dropped this news, I understood that one of the consequences she could be facing was, not playing, like at all. Like the three hour trip that I took with not only her, but my two youngest children as well, was for naught. Not to mention the money spent on the hotel, on the rental car, on the food, was for a trip that was not a vacation, but could turn out to be just a really expensive drive. As her parent, I would hate to see her not play, but as a parent trying to teach our 17 year old daughter how to be more adult, well. . .she has to learn and if her having to sit out teaches her that lesson, then so be it. Because as any parent can recognize and hopefully what we all try to teach our children is that life is a game of choice and consequence. You may be free to make the choice, but no one is free from the consequence. We’ll explore this more in a bit.
I think it’s time to jump into the DeLorean, kick that BXTCH to 88 and take a trip back to 2003-March to be exact. Remember when that singer from that kick ass female country music group said that she was embarrassed that the President of the United States was from Texas (that may not be the exact quote, but you know what she said), not only did she speak blasphemous about the great George W. (please sense the tone), but she did so on foreign soil (insert gasp here). Now, if you can really reach back into the recesses of your memory, you’ll remember the reaction that her statement caused. Protests, CD destroying parties, death threats, sponsorship losses, no radio airplay, even at least one state lawmaker (South Carolina) called for their boycott, saying. . .“we in South Carolina ought to say goodbye to the Dixie Chicks, and anybody who thinks about going to that concert ought to be ready, ready, ready to run out of here.” He probably should’ve at least been familiar with the song, any die hard knows that it’s. . .“ready, ready, ready, ready, ready to run”. Anyway, we’ll come back to this.
Ohh, Meryl Streep. . .you sly BXTCH. The Hollywood Foreign Press Association bestows the honor of the Cecil B. Demille award to your overflowing (and according to some. . .overrated) mantel and you take that moment to stand up for those made to feel secondary or speak on behalf of journalists whose 1st amendment rights are being threatened or try to remind us all that love truly does trump hate. I mean, how could you? . .It’s almost like you believe that certain “truths to be self-evident” and “that all men are created equal” and even worse. . .you really believe that Americans are actually “endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights”. . .that include “Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness”. C’mon Meryl. . .where in the fuck do you think we live? You guessed it, we’ll come back.
For a group of individuals who cried like little babies when Natalie Maines spoke ill of President Bush, the same group who exercised their first amendment right by protesting, who even went as far as to destroy CD’s, issue death threats, and made calls to radio stations to ensure their music wasn’t played and hasn’t been played since. You guys are fucking hilarious bitching about groups of individuals using their first amendment rights by organizing protests against the election of Donald Trump. The reality of being a grown-up is, you don’t have to agree with the reasons someone chooses to stand up for a cause, but their rights to do so should be respected.
HYPOCRISY: [hi-pok-ruh-see] NOUN a pretense of having a virtuous character, moral or religious beliefs or principles, etc. that one does not really possess.
Boy, did you Trumpers lose your shit when Meryl Streep spoke up. Whew, it’s almost like you guys didn’t elect your own celebrity who constantly spoke out and disrespected our President. Or elect a celebrity who uses Twitter to attack and spread hate or show off his callowness. Good thing you have a leg to stand on when you criticize those speaking ill about Trump, wouldn’t want you to look like hypocritical assholes. My side is constantly put down for how sensitive we are and how we need to grow a pair and just deal with it. What I find interesting is you guys only get upset when a celebrity speaks out against something you believe in, if they are in complete agreeance with your beliefs, you’re ready to join their circle jerk. When Clint Eastwood stood on a stage and reprimanded an empty chair, you guys had a hard-on for days, while we all sat back and had a “what the fuck?” moment and were more concerned about him medically. . .but guess what? I still watch Clint Eastwood movies, he’s allowed to view things differently than me, while I’m allowed to still be a fan of his. I may think that Hank Jr. is an asshole for saying very disparaging things about President Obama, but this BXTCH will still rock out to some Rowdy Friends. I even eat at Chick-Fil-A, even though Truett Cathy’s views on homosexuality aren’t really a secret, but me being a grown ass woman, I recognize his right to his beliefs. And as long as those personal beliefs never spill over into the business, then it’s all good. And I hope it never does, because I fucking love Chick-Fil-A. Now, when Nicole Kidman said that Americans needed to stand behind Trump, I actually think some of you put in applications to become the president of her fan club. Good luck to you and may the electorate be forever in your favor. I wanna make sure I have this straight, you know how us liberals twist things. . .you believe that celebrities need to keep their mouth shut, unless they are in complete accordance with your way of thinking OR if they happen to wanna run for President? Am I getting there? Come close because I wanna let you in on a pretty big secret. . .I’m about to blow your mind wide open. You know when you get going on a social media rant about how Obama is the worse President in the history of our country or how you’re going to boycott the Oscars because Trump is most likely not going to be nominated this year or how that tiny bakery in Podunk, USA has the right to hate the gays because. . .Jesus, but fuck those liberals who wanna boycott LL Bean because. . .morals, I mean you’re familiar with the rants, right? Well, your celebrity is showing, your platform just isn’t as big as Meryl Streep’s, your message won’t be spread as wide as Michael Moore’s, but you do have a platform to spread your message, and it doesn’t matter how careless or crude or lacking in actual facts your message is, you still have the platform to do so. If you’re concerned with the size of said platform, then I would suggest you win 100+ awards for your phenomenal acting or direct some pretty kick ass documentaries or fuck, get yourself a YouTube channel and stroke the proverbial conservative dick until it explodes from pleasure. This BXTCH will support your right to disagree with me, I’ll even support your right to call me an idiot, but please stop trying to take away another’s platform because your’s doesn’t line up.
HYPOCRISY: [hi-pok-ruh-see] NOUN a pretense of having a virtuous character, moral or religious beliefs or principles, etc. that one does not really possess
Please explain to me how the party who opposes same sex marriage because it will be the demise of “traditional marriage” elects a man who has been married three times? How a party who believes that they should govern from the Holy Bible elects a man who has committed adultery, multiple times? How a party who got so upset that Natalie Maines spoke ill of our President on foreign soil, but certainly friendly territory, elects a man who has what appears to be deep ties with Russia and maybe a secret crush on Putin? How in the face of turmoil, a party is calling for unity, but spent the last eight years openly and celebrating any opposition against President Obama? You longer get to wear the “family values” label, you no longer get to scream “JESUS” and “HOLY BIBLE” when you are trying to justify your hate, and I’m gonna have to ask that you slowly step away from the Constitution until you fully understand it.
HYPOCRISY: [hi-pok-ruh-see] NOUN a pretense of having a virtuous character, moral or religious beliefs or principles, etc. that one does not really possess
I’ve pondered about a lot of things since November 8th. From the high dosages of hate that a fuck lot of people in this country seem to have to what the future of this country looks like for my children to the obtuseness that has blanketed a very surprisingly large portion of America (that one may be the scariest). The one conclusion that I have come to is this. . .the Presidency of Donald J. Trump is an important one. Having time to reflect, I think that this was supposed to happen. He was the choice, the next four years is the consequence. If HRC would be standing on that stage, being sworn in as the 45th President and the first woman ever to do so, then it would’ve been too easy. We would’ve become complacent. I now believe that Hillary’s role was to shatter that glass ceiling that has suffocated us for so long, but it was always supposed to be someone else’s role to come in and finish writing the story that she started. Without Trump being elected, movements wouldn’t have began, individuals wouldn’t have gotten involved, there would be no stand for people to take. We seemed to forget that there is always someone to fight for. Trump opened our eyes. Forced us to see what was always right there, but we were just too naive to let it penetrate. I think Trump was right about one thing, he could stand in the middle of Time Square and shoot someone and Republicans wouldn’t flinch. Republicans don’t worry about what’s best for our country. The party of Jesus is only concerned about getting to the top, not how many of the downtrodden have to be stepped on to do so. You can criticize our youth, call them entitled and pretend that their understanding is mediocre at best, but that platform that conservatives so desperately want to snatch away, is just growing bigger and bigger and it’s being built to hold more and more. And lookout, Obama laid the foundation, Hillary began to build the structure, but the skyscraper that will be built from this fight, will be unstoppable. Trump is not my President. He will stand as the criteria I use when lessons need to be taught to my children about common decency and morals. Trump does not represent me. He will be the example I use when I explain to my children why they always fight for those without a voice. Trump is not my America. He will be the benchmark I use whenever my children believe that their vote doesn’t matter. Something great is going to come from this Presidency and I trust that we will be a better America because of it.
Thank you President Obama for giving us these last eight years. For showing this country that the color of your skin will not hold you back, that you may have to work harder and fight tougher, but one’s worth is determined by who THEY see in the mirror. You have given us so much HOPE to build on, we just have to finish the job. So, go and enjoy life. We got this.
BXTCHES Gotta Warn: Truth? This is going to be a difficult post for me. We are less than a week removed from a horrific election season and me, along with what is probably a chunk of this country, is doing some serious soul searching. Maybe this is a post to just purge my feelings, my thoughts. . .maybe it’s my open letter to anyone and everyone who reads it. Well, whatever it is, let’s just go with it and hope that there are some standing in the end.
I was raised to be racist, I’ve probably told you guys that before, but it bears repeating. We were never directly told that because we were white, we were better. . .it just always lingered amongst our household. Truth really be told, the “special word” was as common in our family as our own names, I don’t even know the age in which I realized how disrespectful that word really was. I suppose the more diverse my friends list became, the more my mind opened. The threat of being disowned was constantly dangled in front of us if we just so happened to cross that thin love line between black and white. The older I got, the more sense I developed and the more stubborn I became, which would eventually result in me marching to the beat of my very own drum. You’re probably wondering why in the fuck am I spilling all of this to you. . .I have six brothers and six sisters, and even though we didn’t all come up in the same household, at the same time (we kinda came up in rounds), we all shared at least one same parent (except for one sister) and if my family experience has taught me anything, it’s that hate is truly handed down, something that is learned and if you don’t resist it, it will seep into every single crack and every single crevice that is left open.
When I was 18 years old, I fell in love. I fell in love with someone who crossed the race line. It took me two years to break the news to my dad and it wasn’t news that was well received. In fact, my dad was so disappointed by the idea that one of his offspring would have the nerve to fall in love with the “enemy”, that it took almost a whole year before we spoke to one another after that bomb was dropped. He came around, accepted my decision. . .but I always wondered if the hate still lingered. Even as word spread through the family, that me. . .miss innocent. . .miss always doing the right thing. . .would fall in love with the one she was taught to never give her heart to, no one really turned their back on me, it was more “I don’t care that you’re dating a black guy, but I don’t want my kids crossing that line”. So, hate disguised. #imnotracistihaveablackbrotherinlaw
I fell victim to hope.
I don’t think I’m angry with how this election ended. I think I’m more disappointed. . .disappointed in the ignorance that has plagued our nation. My gal didn’t win. But, I’m American before I’m democrat, so in the spirit that is our democracy, I will give Trump a chance, he’s earned at least that. So that was my original thought, but it’s now Thursday and I’ve decided that I’m not sure if he’s actually earned it, I’ll have to get back to that. What confounds me is this. . .in my 40 very short, young years on this earth, I have never witnessed so much hate towards groups of people. Just the hate loaded up and thrown at those of us who proudly stood with her. . .I have been called “idiot”, “stupid”, “libtard”, the list could really go on, but why bore you guys with insults that lack creativity? These names weren’t thrown around because I called them first, they weren’t dished out because I initiated an argument, these were dropped with no remorse, simply because of the way I believe. What hurt the most is how often they were delivered from my own family. Yep, ones that I share DNA with. How fucked up, right? #andwewonderwhykidslackrespect
I very seldom initiated political posts, I certainly responded to them, but regardless of anything I posted or responded to, I never, ever posted any sort of Trump hate, but to say I was shocked with the Hillary hate that spilled into this toxic election, would be an understatement. I won’t even begin to go through the list of things that were said (I’m sure you’ve seen them all). . .but we should probably discuss a few. My brother actually posted that Hillary’s mom should’ve aborted her. Now, this is a brother who praises the Lord on Facebook every opportunity he gets. . .yes, he called for Hillary to be terminated while in the womb. That’s how he praises our Lord and Savior. In response to a tweet where a politician called Hillary a cunt, my nephew gave it a “haha” emoji. Because you know, it’s funny when you call a woman a cunt. I wonder if he whispers that sweet term of endearment into the ear of the one he loves or if that’s how he would respond if someone bestowed that compliment on his mother. P.S. the word cunt doesn’t really bother me, I own that shit. . .so bring it on.
I think we certainly misread this one. Trump opened a door straight to to depths of hell hate and millions of Americans walked right through. I don’t believe we realized how deep the hate in the heartbeat of this country ran, we also didn’t take it serious, well, serious enough. We wanted to believe that people would open their eyes and see Trump’s character for what it really was. . .flawed. . .broken. . .full of hate. We wanted to believe that love really does trump hate, but does it? If we learned anything during this tumultuous time, it’s this. . .it takes love mixed with knowledge mixed with understanding mixed with truth, that’s what we have to take with us over these next four years.
The rationalization most often used is “I voted for the lesser of two evils”. What kind of fuckery justification is that? But, for shits and giggles, let really analyze it. Let’s look at the facts of the case. . .He doesn’t think highly of African-Americans. . .He has called Mexicans, rapists and murderers. . .He is very anti-Muslim. . .He is against marriage equality (Pence has already said that Trump will roll back Obama’s LBGT protection order). . .He is pro-sexual assault. . .He was endorsed by the KKK. . .He publicly made fun of the disabled. . .He called women fat, pigs, slobs. . .He spoke ill of a war hero. . . He attacked a Gold Star family. . .He thinks he’s smarter than our Generals and that our military is a disaster. . .this is just a small list, but these are the facts of the case and they are undisputed. But he is the lesser of the two evils? One must now wonder, if she was a he, would it be the same cover?
In every pointless argument I engaged in, I always asked the same question. . .Why Trump? What is it that he offers that is going to make him a great leader? Not one person was ever able to answer that question. I now know, in hindsight, that this was never an election about issues and policies. If it were, we would know more about his. This was never an election of left vs. right. Grown-ups can actually argue about policy differences and still look each other in the eye with respect for the other side. It was never about the fundamental differences that separates the R’s from the D’s. This was an election about opportunity and permission. The opportunity to discriminate, to hate, to walk America back 50 years presented itself and he gave the country permission to do so.
I think we can all agree that hate is something that is taught. Fun Fact: Did you know that Trump’s dad was once arrested at a KKK rally? And not because he was there in protest. To teach hate, you have to know hate, you have to understand hate, I think Trump had a good teacher. For those of you who voted for Trump while raising your hands in worship of the Lord, you just sold the soul of our country to the devil. #prayerwarriorsunite
Here’s the thing. I don’t think that all Trump supporters hate African-Americans OR believe that Mexicans are rapists and murderers OR want to ban all Muslims OR stand against marriage equality and LGBT rights OR want to grab women by the pussy (unsolicited). . .no, I don’t think that these are things that all Trump supporters stand for, but they definitely don’t stand against them. If you are someone who checked Trump’s name on the ballot, you may not be racist, but you’re okay with someone who is. . .you may not be someone who goes around assaulting women, but you’re okay with someone who does. . .you may not be someone who is anti-gay, but you have no problem with their rights being compromised. See, you’re the worst kind of example for our children, because you may not represent those values but you’ll never stand up against those who do.
And the hope that I was so blinded by when my family “accepted” my choice of partner, the father to my three beautiful, uniquely talented children, the one that I have been married to for almost 18 years and together with for almost 22. . .the hope that I believed overwhelmed any hate that tried to embed itself in our hearts growing up. . .that hope is gone, because I now know how certain members of my family truly feel about my love crossing over some bullshit race line, I now know how certain members of my family truly feel about my BLACK children. Unfortunately this truth doesn’t only extend to family members.
Eight years ago, I sat with my daughter (who was nine at the time) in front of a television and watched the first African-American man elected President give our country hope. But he did so much more than that. He made it possible for our children to see a dream become a reality, his being elected showed the world the good that our country has to offer. I hope the world realizes that what happened in this country on November 8th, isn’t representative of what America truly is. God, I hope we learn. I hope that we take these next four years and really work on making the soul of our country whole again. . .I hope that we teach our children that we are better than what he represents, that it makes no difference what color of the rainbow your skin is OR who you love OR who you worship OR don’t worship, that it makes no difference what your background is or isn’t, you need to be the change that you wish to see in the world. WE together can make it better, WE just need to make people great again.
BXTCHES Gotta Warn: Okay, surely no one really thought that the Donald’s latest ode to women everywhere was just gonna pass by with me keeping the ole’ trap shut. . .oh no, I have plenty to say about the Orange Leathered One, I just had to let his comments marinate in my cloud before I could break my thoughts down into words. But now that I have been able to do that, let’s take this on. So, without really a great warning to issue, let’s dive right into the locker room, shall we?
(Trump)“I moved on her like a bitch, but I couldn’t get there. And she was married,”. . .“Then all of a sudden I see her, she’s now got the big phony tits and everything. She’s totally changed her look.”
(Bush)“Your girl’s hot as s—, in the purple,”
(Trump)“Whoa!”. . .“Whoa!”
(Trump)“I’ve got to use some Tic Tacs, just in case I start kissing her,”. . .“You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait.”
(Trump)“And when you’re a star, they let you do it,”. . .“You can do anything.”
(?Bush)“Whatever you want,”
(Trump)“Grab them by the pussy,”. . .“You can do anything.”
LOCKER ROOM TALK:
I should first say that I haven’t been in a men’s locker room in some time, so I’m not sure if this is really a thing men hang out and discuss, but regardless, let’s travel down the Locker Room Road for a bit. If I, as a woman, decide to give that excuse any sort of merit, I would also have to give the following argument. If men actually hang out in locker rooms and conversations are taking place like the one above (and if that’s the case, you may need to re-evaluate your life), shouldn’t that have stopped back when he was like, 20? He made these comments at the age of 59. Or stopped at the very least, once he was married. . .and had a pussy of his very own, or at the absolute latest, when his wife gave birth to a daughter? Doesn’t that life event usually trigger something in a man? Something that makes even the most obscene womanizer re-evaluate the way he has treated women up to that point, playing back anytime he felt he may have shown disrespect, knowing that he would never want someone to treat his own flesh and blood with the same attitude that he has treated women with. Because the way karma works is this. . .him standing around talking about “grabbing women by the pussy”, means some man, somewhere, is saying the same thing about his daughters.
THAT’S JUST HOW MEN TALK:
Are you FUCKING kidding me with this excuse. This is by far worse than the “locker room”. I’m shocked to my core with how many social media posts that have chalked it up with “that’s just how men talk”. Is it? Is it really? Your husband/boyfriend/brother/father speaks this way? If that excuse gets to be thrown around without any responsibility, then I get to say the following. Any woman who even gave that excuse consideration, much less used it. . .you’re membership to the Ya-Ya is now revoked. If this is actually how men talk, and you women think that it is a viable excuse, are you raising your sons to speak the same way? Are you allowing the father of your children to teach your son this kind of “talk”? You’re okay with your husband hanging with his boys while talking about “grabbing pussies”, one that doesn’t belong to you? Because if your son or husband spoke the way Trump did and you just wave it off as “just how men talk”, then you are creating a very dangerous culture for any future woman that may attach herself to your son. When your daughter comes home and cries to you about a boy at school bragging to his friends about how he is going to “grab her by the pussy”, are you going to tell her to shake it off, because that’s “just how men talk honey”? Better yet, let’s pretend that your daughter has already heard you excuse Trump and the sexual assault he brags about, do you really think that if someone speaks about your daughter in a non-consensual way that she is going to come to you for help?
A BXTCHES REAL THOUGHTS:
The words that Trump spoke do not offend me. The word pussy doesn’t cause me to blink an eye, hell, the “c” word barely sends shudders through me. Talking about sex doesn’t make me cringe, I can dirty talk with the best of motherfuckers, just mosey on over to BXTCHES Be Reading and you’ll see for yourself, probably more than you’re comfortable with. So no, it’s not the words that he used, it’s the assault value within the words. I should take the time to say this, who really fucking grabs pussies? What the fuck? No female wants her pussy grabbed. Is that why he has to force himself on women? Because he doesn’t actually know how to treat a pussy. Lesson #1: don’t grab them, it’s not a bag of chips or a bottle of water. . .it’s precious as fuck and deserves to be treated like the goddamn treasure she is.
“I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait.”
“And when you’re a star, they let you do it,”. . .“You can do anything.”
“Grab them by the pussy,”. . .“You can do anything.”
This doesn’t require an expert in language, this is to the point, there is no need to read between the lines, Trump is saying what it is he does. This isn’t just talking (which is bad enough), this is bragging about sexually assaulting women. Just so we’re clear, he’s not bragging about the women that he has bedded (with consent), he’s not complimenting women, both of which he could’ve easily done, he is actually boasting about sexual assault and why not. . .he is a celebrity after all.
There’s a lot of talk about how these comments were made eleven years ago and by a private citizen and they shouldn’t be used in attacks against him now. No, he was not a private citizen, he was most certainly a public one, he did brag about being a celebrity, which by status alone, puts you in the eye of the public. But let’s break it down further. Let’s say a teacher, that’s a profession that impacts young minds, has influence within the community, has some sort of standard bearer when it comes to morals and values. . .let’s pretend that a male teacher is caught on tape, saying the exact words that spewed from Trump’s vile mouth. . .a male teacher who teaches your daughter. . .does he still have a job? Do you want your daughter staying after school to be tutored by him?
For those of you who suck from the Trump teet, would you have the same reaction if it were 2012 and audio surfaced of Obama bragging about how he was gonna “grab a white girl by her pussy”. . .are they just words then?. . .is it just guys hanging out in the locker room?. . .does he get to say “this is how guys talk”?
This kind of repugnant talk shouldn’t only offend those with daughters or wives, moms and sisters, it’s the kind of revolting behavior that should disgust all of us. Aren’t we better than this? This man is the kind of leadership you want for this great country? Is this what every Trump supporter means when they applaud him for being so politically incorrect?
I think it’s now time to really get to the meat of the issue here. Sexual assault is a problem in this country, one that tends to exploit the victim rather than prosecute the assailant. A burden that we place on the shoulders of the victims. When John Kasich was asked in a town hall about sexual assault on college campuses, his advice to the young lady was to stay away from parties with a lot of alcohol. I sure he meant well in his answer, but we tell our daughters to travel in groups. . .don’t accept drinks from anyone. . .make your own drinks. . .don’t go with strangers alone. . .don’t wear provocative clothing. . .and when the unthinkable happens, the first questions asked to the victim are “what were you wearing?” OR “what were you doing?” OR “how much did you have to drink?”. . .here’s what we need to understand. . .it makes no difference if a young lady is at a party and makes the decision to strip every stitch of clothing from her body and climb up on someone’s dick and ride him like she is at the PBR, it’s not an invitation for anyone else to take a turn. That is what we need to be teaching our sons, instead of slut-shaming victims.
It’s this kind of behavioral acceptance and this kind of “she was asking for it” attitude that provokes a mother to write a judge a letter, begging for mercy on her son, who grabbed and placed his fingers in the genitals of an unconscious woman. These are the kinds of attitudes that encourages a judge to take mercy on that young man and sentence to him to six months (where he only served three) in jail, not prison, but jail, because he has a great future ahead of him, taking no consideration of the future that was robbed from that young lady, late one night, behind a dumpster, where some punk kid took something from her, that was never willingly given up. Maybe, just maybe, if that mother would’ve raised her son to actually respect women and to know that you only get the pussy when it’s offered to you, that woman’s life wouldn’t have been forever altered.
And this meme alone, sums it all up. More of the “exploit the victim” attitude. Because women read novels such as Fifty Shades, then we must all be okay with someone grabbing our pussies, right? I have read this book, many times, the word “pussy” isn’t even in it. Not to mention, Christian and Ana are in a consensual, sexual relationship. There is no assault, there is no unwanted groping, but I should remind everyone that the book. . .is fiction. I know, disappointing, right?
In the time since the infamous Access Hollywood tape was released, several women have come forward and have accused Donald Trump of the very thing that he bragged about. While watching the news regarding these accusations, my husband, a staunch Clinton supporter, asked the following: “Why are these women just coming out now with this?” and before my jaw could hit the floor, Trump himself appears on the T.V. dismissing the claims because of how one of the women looked, I was then able to turn to him and say “that’s why”.
I grew up watching The Cosby Show, so when all of the accusations started to surface about Bill Cosby drugging and sexually assaulting women years ago, I was devastated. Once the first claim ticked across the newsfeed, we were skeptical. Then woman after woman came forward, making the same claim. It then went from skepticism to that many women cannot be wrong. I think what we learned is. . .there is strength in numbers.
We wouldn’t vote for someone on The Voice if this type of audio was released and we heard the very same words coming from them, but people are willing to elect someone as leader of the world after hearing him say these things. There will be more accusations and for a party that bases itself smack in the middle of the Bible and claims to be the party of family values, where do you draw the line? This is so much more than words. This is so much more than our daughters and sisters and mothers and friends at stake, this type of behavior is threatening to the heartbeat of America. Right or wrong, the world is watching and I get it. . .it’s overwhelmingly mortifying to stand behind someone, debate on their behalf, just to have this fall in your lap. . .but are you forced to then defend it? Isn’t it okay to step away? The beautiful thing about our country is our diversity, we can have different ideologies, our principles don’t always have to line up on the same side of the aisle, but as Michelle Obama said “A candidate for President of the United States has bragged about sexually assaulting women”, so if you take the opinion of “they’re just words”,I beg you to ask women in your life if they have ever been groped, ever been touched, ever been spoken about with vulgar, foul language. . .ask them if “they’re just words”. Do we really want sexual assault to be a political issue. . .aren’t we better than that?
BXTCHES Gotta Warn: First things first. . .this is merely an opinion piece. I mean, there may be some facts sprinkled throughout my thoughts, but the truth is, while I may believe I’m an expert in many things, it’s all just a ruse, I’m barely an expert on myself, so a news source I am definitely not. So, most of what I post during this rant is just a BXTCH’s speculation, viewpoint, idea, point of view. . .if you will (can you tell that this BXTCH loves a thesaurus?). There are probably some disclaimers that I should share before I get going with this particular rant. It’s been a while since I went off on one (BXTCHES be lazy), and since I’ve been toying around a while with what I’m about to throw at you, I figure now is as good of a time as any to get this off of my chest. Here’s the deal, I was actually going to go a different route for this post, I was going to make my opinion known regarding the National Anthem and Colin Kaepernick controversy, and I most likely still will do so at the end, but after the unrest in our country this last week or so, this BXTCH decided to go another way, don’t worry your pretty little heads none, it’s gonna be a great ride. Also, as usual, this post may start to go in different directions (once the word vomit starts, it’s kinda hard to put a gag in it), but just go with it, I hope to have it all come together in the end.
I’ve said before that I’m not much of a Facebook poster, but I do get on Facebook multiple times during the day to see what’s happening in your world and recently I was scrolling through, when I came across the following:
My brother posted this on his Facebook page. This was after the shooting of Terrance Crutcher, and this pissed off a BXTCH, for a couple (or more) reasons. First, it’s very inaccurate, second, it perpetuates the hate that is dividing our country, while being inaccurate. Last, it’s something a fucking racist would post. I would like to be able to say that my brother is certainly not racist, but I’m not gonna. Now, because I am responsible in my “opinionated posting”, I decided to peruse on over to the Black Lives Matter website, just to be sure that they were not in fact calling for the “hanging of white people and law enforcement”. . .you know, I’d rather be safe than sorry and all that (especially since this BXTCH is white and resides in Texas). While there is a lot one can learn by visiting their page (just click HERE), unfortunately for my brother and fortunately for the rest of us, I found nothing about the above mentioned claim. But continuing on with my responsibility, I will share with you the following, under the headline “What does #BlackLivesMatter Mean?”. . .enjoy:
I realize that I may not be an expert when it comes to any sort of “secret coded language”, but I’m quite sure that the above statement is not only, non-violent, but also straightforward and pretty fucking accurate. So, a BXTCH must ask. . .what is the problem? Well let me share with you what I came up with. Opinion piece, remember?
We spend a lot of time in my family, I should probably clarify, my core unit. . .ya know, husband and kids, obviously not the above mentioned brother, discussing current events and how we see the state of the world, deep huh? Anyhow, if memory serves me correct (and it very well may not) the last big African-American protest movement in this country was the one ran by the King. . .Martin Luther that is. And if your memory serves you correct, you’ll remember that the particular movement was somewhat effective in pushing civil rights closer to where we needed it to be, but you should also remember the violence that was projected at those protesting peacefully. Let’s take a trip to yesteryear. . .violence towards African-Americans for just wanting to sit at the same lunch counter as white people. . .violence for wanting to drink out of the same water fountain as white people. . .violence for wanting to get the same education as white people. . .violence for just wanting to be treated equal to white people. . .but couldn’t because of their FUCKING SKIN COLOR!! It took us until 1967 to make interracial marriage a legal thing. . .NINETEEN SIXTY SEVEN!! Just 50 years ago. Aren’t we better than this?
We have a very hard time as a country apologizing for our past. I mean, we are a country built on hate. Built on the degradation of others. I know, I know what you’re gonna say “It was a long time ago” OR “I wasn’t alive then, slavery ain’t my fault” OR “They have it good now, what’s the problem” and I guess technically you would be correct, actually fuck that, you’re not correct. Doesn’t the saying go something like. . .“If we don’t learn from our past, we are doomed to repeat it”? Hello?? History is knocking on our doors, ready to teach us a lesson. . .are we ready to learn or will we continue to ignore? We are better than this.
Is it so unreasonable to believe that part of the problem that people (and by people, I mean racist assholes) have with the BLM movement is you can’t pull out the billy club and teach anyone a lesson, you can’t whip out the fire hose and put someone in their place, you can’t call out the police dogs in the hopes of breaking up a protest. It’s easier to bolster the claim that the group/movement is based on hate, than on necessity. Or that the movement is looking to kill law enforcement. I mean, to give credit to BLM means work needs to be done, it means conversations need to be had and admitting that we certainly have a problem in this country that is rooted in the hate and racism that so many people in the past have tried to eradicate. Hello. . .history is banging on our door. . .are we ready to answer now? We are better than this.
Let’s clear up some things before we move on. I do not condone violent protesting. I think that by violently trying to get your message across you lose credibility and unfortunately the group of people who believe that BLM is a hate group, will lump every protestor of color into a member of BLM, all because of a small and irresponsible group of people. If we want to continue to play that game, can I then assume that all Republicans MUST be racist? Would that be fair? Don’t worry, this BXTCH isbetter than that.
Playing devil’s advocate for a moment, let me ask this-when violence is the form of discipline used to “manage” a group of people (as our history has proven) for so many years, how else do we expect them to react? Just give that some thought. It’s also time that we get a little clarity into these police shootings. For the sake of argument, I’m gonna give all of you who have subscribed to the idea of these men deserving to be shot, the benefit of doubt. Let’s assume that they were all up to no good (I don’t truly believe that for the record). I must now ask, is this the protocol? When it’s multiple officers against one man, is the rules of engagement to kill first, figure out everything else later? Have we now moved to public executions and made our law enforcement judge, jury and firing squad? Lots of people are quick to say that the victim should’ve followed the orders the officers were doling out. Okay, they should’ve (see, I’m giving you the benefit of doubt). But surely cops run up on “bad guys” who don’t always follow orders, are they immediately shot and killed? And for the sake of my sanity, please stop justifying one killing by saying that cops kill more white people than black. . .that is not okay either. We should all get pissed when cops unjustly kill ANYONE. We should demand that justice is colorblind. We are better than this.
Again with fucking Facebook. I refuse to unfollow anyone, I would prefer to see what true colors are behind the computer screen that is used as a shield. So, recently I came across a post by a lady whose husband happens to be a cop. I will take nothing away from the sacrifice made by her family and I am grateful for the contribution her husband makes to our society every single time he walks out the door in or out of uniform. But, her post, which was part of the inspiration for this one, was so irresponsible, especially as the wife of a cop. The catalyst for her post was the suspension of Seattle Mariner catcher, Steve Clevenger. I think it pissed her off. . .let’s take a look at some of her rant:
So just so I understand this correctly… it’s ok for professional athletes to take a knee during the National Anthem, taking a stand to back the BLM ridiculousness because that is their right BUT when one gives their opinion and does not support this group of rioting, cop killing, innocent people beating, that’s a problem.
My family along with so many other families across this country live in fear daily because we don’t know if our loved ones are coming home at the end of their shift. My husband doesn’t hate black people, we don’t teach our kids to hate black people but in light of the current situations, all they see and hear is this BLM group is shooting cops like it’s the first day of deer season. So BLM, you say all you want is “change” yet you shoot and kill the innocent parents of these children, innocent cops who have likely never killed anyone their entire life and their children are supposed to grow up and have the mentality that this was ok because their mom/dad was a police officer and because of that their lives DID NOT matter, not even if they are black! You’re telling me that if my husband gets gunned down because he wears a badge and doesn’t get to attend his children’s HS graduations or see his grandchildren born that’s ok because BLM but not my children’s dad’s life.
I guess that you’re expecting me to just tell my kids they have to be ok with this war on cops and they don’t get to have an opinion unless they support BLM and want to disrespect every man and every woman that stood up for this country because if they don’t they are being racist. Way to slap those people in the face that have put their lives on the line and all of those fallen soldiers who didn’t get the chance to have an opinion just so you can have the freedom to shoot cops, ruin families and destroy your cities!!
I teach my kids respect. Respect for God, respect to all lives, respect for all cops, respect for all military, respect for the American Flag, respect for America and the list goes on BUT I WILL NOT teach my kids to respect the Black Lives Matter group, thugs, murder or rioting!
“In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.” – Martin Luther King Jr
I guarantee you that over half of the BLM supporters haven’t even read Martin Luther King Jr’s entire speech. Just so you know, not once did he say that in his dream there was a war on cop, rioting or disrespect to this country.
Wake up people, our children’s futures depend on it!
That’s some pretty good stuff, right? Here is my frustration. Where in the fuck is there any literature, propaganda, or actual facts, that prove that the BLM movement is out to. . .“shoot innocent cops”, furthermore, where have you seen or heard that the BLM movement is “shooting cops like it’s the first day of deer season”? Or that the BLM group wants the “freedom to shoot cops, ruin families and destroy your cities”, but my absolute favorite is, that the BLM is. . .“a group of rioting, cop killing, innocent people beating”. The war is not on cops, the war is on INJUSTICE. While I think it’s great to quote Martin Luther King, Jr., I’m quite sure she hasn’t read his speech, it’s right here where I refer to the part where he speaks of not judging a man based on the color of his skin, but by the content of his character. On a side note: if you have to actually say in words that you don’t hate black people and you don’t teach your kids to hate black people, well. . .I’m gonna let you figure that one out all on your own. She’s right about one thing though, the future of our children is definitely at stake here. Because with every father gunned down unjustly, another kid loses, another kid is going to grow up with the mentality that the cops are not there to serve and protect EVERYONE, all because one bad cop killed their father, one bad cop took away opportunity, one bad cop took away hope. We are CERTAINLY better than this.
Let me offer some quick side commentary. While I have no idea what it is that Steve Clevenger actually said that caused the Mariners to suspend him and I really don’t give a good damn, they’re not my team, but I don’t support them in doing so, even though I understand that they have a brand to protect. I would much rather know someone’s true feelings, racist, hateful, bigoted or otherwise, it makes life a bit easier. Because we are better than him.
The National Anthem controversy. I must admit, when the story scrolled across the news feed that San Francisco 49’er quarterback Colin Kaepernick took a knee during what is supposed to be a time of patriotic pride and then later said that he was taking a stand (or knee) against the oppression and injustice that black people face in this country, my initial thought was “I wish he would pick a different platform”, because even though I understood what it was he was trying to do and also agree on the oppression/injustice part, I knew the criticism that was going to rain down on him, was going to be rough. But the more the silent protest went on, the more my acceptance began to shift and the more my understanding started to come into focus.
With Facebook being an identifying gauge with how someone really feels, it didn’t take long for the rants and accusations and memes to start popping up on my newsfeed, with 99% (that’s not an actual fact, just a BXTCH estimation) of them referring to the military, to veterans, and to being unpatriotic. The remainder was devoted to how can someone who grew up in a white home could actually know what oppression feels like (which is ignorant, because the world is not white) and how someone who makes millions of dollars to throw a football really isn’t entitled to take a stance on such a delicate issue. SURELY WE ARE BETTER THAN THAT! I don’t want to take any love away from the support that Kaepernick has received, there were posts that focused on the fact that those who have sacrificed their life, did so, so Kaepernick could take a knee in silent protest.
First, let’s talk about the hilarity of the anger. Do you realize that the Department of Defense pays sports teams to “celebrate” our military? Wanna know why? All in an effort to pump up recruitment. You want to be pissed on behalf of our military, be pissed, but maybe we should redirect our anger. According to Huffington Post, in an article from November 2015. . .the Pentagon paid up to $6.8 million of taxpayer money to pro sports teams to honor our military. What kind of raise could our brave men and women have gotten for $6.8 million or what kind of benefits could we bestow upon our veterans? But let’s continue to bitch about Kaepernick, that’s seems like it’s the right alley of anger to venture down. Are we better than that?
What is wrong with us? How did we become a country that not only gets “beat a BXTCH down” mad over someone exercising their right to not only protest, (and doing so silently), but drive it to a point that the man is getting death threats? How does that become okay? I can see both sides of the flag for this argument. I understand how upsetting one can get when respect is not paid during what is a moment of pride for ones patriotism. But if you’re going to raise your voice and get pissed on behalf of those who serve and those who have served, how about we start to get pissed over the multiple times that Congress has voted against bills that would help our veterans. How about we get pissed when the Republican nominee for President of the United States says/does things like. . .our military is a disaster. . .he knows more about defeating ISIS than our Generals. . .dishonoring a Gold Star family. . .dishonoring our POW’s. . .if Kaepernick taking a silent knee in protest pisses you off to the point of burning a jersey or calling for him to be fired or wanting the NFL to fine him, but you’re still in support of Trump and those in Congress who refuse to do their jobs, you are part of the problem. Hopefully you are better than this.
Within my family, there are two black men, my husband and my brother-in-law and not one time has any sibling of mine, the ones who stand against the BLM movement, asked for the attitude of the other side. Not one time have they sat down with my husband or BIL and asked for a different viewpoint. My challenge to you. . .do that. Sometimes you have to see it from the eyes of judgement to see things clearly. We are greater than this.
Wanna read more from the Huffington Post article, go here.
BXTCHES Gotta Warn: So, originally this was going to be an actual Facebook post, not a post as much as a reply, one that I promised my sister actually. While, I feel that I did get all of my “feelings” out on my last Musings post (see that here), I guess I’m a bit too mouthy, because I certainly have more that I need to say. All I ask is that you please bear with me, cause you know, I tend to get sidetracked when I’m going from brain to fingertips.
The RNC is the real catalyst behind this post, in particular Donald Trump’s speech and the video of Scott Baio being interviewed by Tamron Hall on MSNBC and instead of going into detail, I’m gonna ask for you to just watch it for yourself. . .
Let me first just say what I need to about this. Look, if you (Scott Baio) have the balls to sit behind a screen in the privacy of wherever it is you do your “cunt” calling, with your wife and daughter near by and tweet out a picture of a woman, regardless of who that woman is, calling her a cunt, which is what you were doing, then have the balls to own it when you are put to the fire about it. That’s the very least your idol, Donald Trump, would’ve done. He must be so ashamed of you.
Watching the Donald give his speech and accept the Republican nomination to be President of the United States of America, I had an epiphany, and I know it’s already been said (and I will elaborate on my eye opening realization), but this fucking motto of “Make America Great Again” is really meant to set America back prior to the civil rights movement, back when the Good Ole Boys really thought America was great, because it was an America that they believed represented them. Now, hear me out, I’m certainly going somewhere with this.
As a nation, two of the most oppressed groups in our history (not only, just two of) are African-Americans and women. We’re not even 100 years removed from women being gifted with the right to vote (19th amendment), so let that sink in a bit, it just happened in 1920, seems like yesterday, and just to put that in perspective, it was the 15th amendment that basically says a person cannot be denied the right to vote based on the color of their skin (in 1870). So, while those men really hated African-Americans, they loathed us women. Let’s recap, we were so outside our minds, that we had to pass constitutional amendments just for women and those of color to have the right to vote, to vote for a white man that was going to ensure that rights be withheld from us, but vote nonetheless. And even crazier. . .we’re just 50 or 60 years removed from African-Americans being hung from trees and being beaten to death for anything a white man maybe have deemed inappropriate (shit, a simple Google search of Emmitt Till and you’ll see that). . .I could go on, but I’m sure you get the message. Hell, we’re still seeing hate and violence aimed at those who just prefer to have sex with someone who happens to have the same baby making parts as they do. At the core of the Republican Party essence, is a white superiority complex that is really freaking the fuck out right now. As a country, we went from hanging African-Americans from trees just 60 years ago to putting one in the White House. Hell, we’re about to elect our first woman as Commander-in-Chief, see, they are freaking out. Yes, I’m quite sure it has shaken the sexist, racist hearts of those Good Ole Boys and now the only one that can set the ship back on the right course, that us liberals have wronged, is Donald Trump.
**Disclaimer from this BXTCH: I realize that all Republicans are not racist, bigoted assholes, just like I know all liberals aren’t all about equality and peace loving.**
I’m not that historically inept, I know that a larger percentage of Republicans voted for the Civil Rights Act of 1964 than Democrats did, but I also know that the Democrats that waved their “Nay” vote proudly were mainly from the South, and the South in the 60’s, well we know that it wasn’t a very friendly environment for those of color (it still ain’t the greatest place for them if this BXTCH is being honest). Let’s review a little bit about some history in this country. We are a country that had Jim Crow laws, laws that legalized segregation. Think about this. . .we enacted laws just so white people didn’t have to drink from the same water fountain or sit at the same lunch counter or share the same bus seat, as a black person. You can argue that we were living in a different time then and you would be half right. I mean, it was the late 1800’s that saw the beginning of these laws, just 20 or so years removed from the Civil War, BUT it wasn’t until 1954 that the SCOTUS ruled “separate facilities by race” unconstitutional. That really wasn’t that long ago. And it wasn’t until 1964 that the Civil Rights Act was passed. We had to pass a law to make it illegal to discriminate against someone based on race, religion, sex, color. . .we didn’t have the moral compass or possess the decency to just treat others as humans, or as we would want to be treated. . .nope, we had to pass a law to guarantee it. We are assholes!
I know that a lot of people in this country decided that the reason many voted for Barack Obama in 2008 was simply because he was black. I don’t agree with that sentiment, I like to think that we were so soulfully dehydrated from the George W. Bush era, that Obama was a tall, icy, drink of water that quenched us to our core. When he won the election, you could see the shift our country was making, out with the old, antiquated values that made up so much of our history, and in with the open minded vision that we were so thirsty for.
Then comes the hateful and racially motivated cartoons and social media posts, that call the President names that have you making that “what the fuck” face. I’m all for standing your ground when you’re against the policies that a politician holds tight to, but when you’re motivated to say things that are based simply on the color of ones skin. . .it certainly makes one think that we are starting to travel to a point in our history that we should be past. A time that’s best left in the history books for our children to learn from, not be a part of.
I’m sure you’re wrinkling your forehead, scratching an obscure body part and wondering why in the hell am I talking about this, well here we go. The Good Ole Boys. . .the ones that are at the heart of the Republican Party, they were there for these historical moments and the events that shaped who we are, what we stand for or against as a country. Some of those at the core were the lawmakers or from the families of the lawmakers who were there for the lynchings, who were there to prosecute the Loving family of Virginia, who turned a blind eye to a man of color hanging from a tree, who witnessed and supported those who stood against the integrating of our schools, but now in 2016 want to stand and tell the American people that it’s Obama who is racially dividing our country. Is it?
You think it’s just a coincidence that Donald Trump was a man that not even a year ago, the Republican party despised, but now lift him high in the air while singing in unison, “He’s a jolly good fellow”? Not a coincidence. Let me explain. Donald Trump represents what these men “reckon” is missing from their “Good Ole Party”. So, when his hate is as brightly accepted as the orange hue that radiates from his skin, they realize that they have found their person. The one that is going to make “THEIR America Great Again”. And the division that they have so brilliantly instigated is how they think they will bring their motto to life. David Duke, the former Grand Wizard of the KKK, supports Trump and the reason he gives:
“I’m overjoyed to see Donald Trump and most Americans embrace most of the issues I’ve championed for years”
Of course, they’re not going to come outright and say “we hate black people”, but since they can’t take out the fire hose and billy clubs and put a stop to protesters, they want us to believe that the BLM movement is racist and about hate. And while they won’t say that a woman isn’t qualified enough to be president, they will certainly rile up a crowd enough to believe it. Their convention was more of an “I Hate Hillary” party than it was “I’m Proud to be a Republican” celebration. And while the political world commended Trump in his mention of the LGBT community, should we just overlook the fact that Trumps running mate, Mike Pence, is one of the most anti-gay politicians in the country? Not to mention the Republican platform that was also being decided upon in Cleveland contains some of the most anti-gay language in their history, but Trump is going to be a “friend of the gay community”? It’s 2016 and we are still fighting this battle. This is a party that welcomes those who support Trump because it does crack a divide in this country that they celebrate. A divide that they believe will take us all back to the good old days. The problem for them? It’s not 1960 anymore and there are more of us than there are of them. We can seal that crack, we can bridge the divide, but we can’t let hate continue to fan that flame.
I think it would help us as a UNITED States of America to talk about things that are real. We sometimes live in a distorted version of our past, or maybe it’s hard for us to swallow the reality of our foundation. We are a country that was built on the back of hate and violence. We are a country who took and took until we got our fill and now believe that we are too good to show remorse. Look, I’m not ashamed to be American, I’m fucking proud of the red, white, and blue, there’s no where else I’d want to claim, but while I recognize the phenomenally fantastic things that shaped our country, I also acknowledge the down right despicable. But, because it made us what are, we must honor it all. . .the great, the proud, and the ugly. And if we don’t start really accepting what our past represents, our future will pay for it.
This election is probably the most important one of our lives. And while I hear and see all of the “Hate Hillary” rhetoric, I want to express that it’s not Hillary you’re actually voting for, you’re voting for:
Your Hispanic neighbor
Your gay cousin
That interracial couple that you work with
Your future kids
You’re voting for a country that has worked hard for leadership that matters and leadership for all, that has worked to fight for the rights of the underdog, that at our core, we truly believe that “All Men Are Created Equal”. And most importantly, we know that the legacy that we will leave for our children is dependent on what we do for them today.
On a side note: I’m gonna have to ask all of you who do support Trump and believe him when he says that Hillary is going to repeal the 2nd Amendment, to pull out your notes from your high school Government class and review how it is our government actually works, I’ll give you a hint. . .the Commander-in-Chief, cannot repeal amendments to the Constitution. I also realize that one of the most important outcomes of this election is the SCOTUS and that effect on our future. I continue to hear that a liberal Supreme Court will take away your rights and eliminate the Constitution, again review your notes. I do recognize that the Supreme Court can certainly interpret the Constitution and decide laws based on that interpretation, I just think it’s extreme to think that they are going to do away with it. And when you mention that a liberal court will take away your rights, I think you’ve got your parties confused. As a woman, I’m much more afraid of a conservative SCOTUS than I have ever been of a liberal one.
An Idiot By Any Other Name is. . .A Brilliant BXTCH!
BXTCHES Gotta Warn: This post is long (I am a long winded BXTCH) and is going to skirt toward the political side. Fuck, who am I kidding, I’m diving right into the hot mess that is this election year. I should probably also warn you. . .I lean toward the liberal side, so much so, that if I actually leaned, I would certainly tip over. Which translates to the following-I can be a bit biased in my thought process, however, I will try to be as open minded as possible. I have the potential to be all over the place (you know how us liberals are). However, I’m gonna try my best to compartmentalize my thoughts, but I tend to get pretty passionate about things, which may scatter me a bit. Oh, I should also warn you that this BXTCH drops “F” bombs all over the place when she gets passionate. Okay, I drop them all the time really, but politics gives me the excuse I don’t really need. Just don’t show this post to my 10 year old niece and we’ll be okay, otherwise, I’ll have to make it rain right into her piggy bank for the next year for the amount of “fucks” I’ll be laying down.
I really wasn’t sure if I wanted to venture into a political type of post. And originally my idea was to focus on those who support Trump (because you guys are a true mystery to me), but I then decided to really focus on the “why’s” of being a Democrat OR why I’m not a Republican, well that’s what I hope to focus on, but like I said before, who knows what direction this post is going to take in the end.
There are many reasons why I chose to dive in and say “fuck it”, I’m just gonna put my thoughts out there and see where they land, and I’m blaming that on fucking Facebook. Every now and then there is something in the world that tickles my fancy just enough to encourage a Facebook post, but even then, I usually lay off because I’m more of a Facebook stalker than a Facebook poster. And the truth is I stalk because I’m a nosey BXTCH, I wanna know what’s happening in your world. However, I’m also a picky BXTCH. I’m looking for funny videos and posts that give me more of an insight into who you are, and some of you are really delivering on the “who are you” insight. On a side note, I cannot stand cryptic posts, if you’re gonna post something like. . .”I can’t believe that just happened to me”, fill me in. What the fuck happened? A BXTCH needs to know. But, I digress.
Now that we’ve entered “election season” and let’s face it, it is certainly a season, more brutal than ANY season sports could offer. But, one thing that I have learned is that Facebook has really become an identifier to one’s true self. For example, you may think that some on your friends list are decent peeps, but then they post something that is really assholey, and it forces you to open your eyes and realize that people aren’t always who they seem, regardless of how well you think you know them. I mean, I can be an asshole, it’s not always a bad quality to have, sometimes life warrants your inner asshole to come out and shine. But you know the type of assholes I’m referring to. It’s the ones who live behind a blanket of fake niceties, the ones who want everyone to believe that they teach kindness, patience, and understanding to their kiddos, but then they post something on Facebook that has you saying “What the fuck did I just read?”.
Now, I do understand why some vote along the conservative line and I think diversity is what makes this country great, which is why we need a mixture of conservatives and liberals in the government. And before we even get started, I should go full disclosure on your ass and tell you the main reason I vote for the good guys, well it’s because of my kids. They are my legacy. While I admit to not being the greatest mom, they are the greatest thing I have ever done. To steal from Martina McBride. . .
In my daughter’s eyes I can see the future A reflection of who I am and what will be Though she’ll grow and someday leave Maybe raise a family When I’m gone I hope you see how happy she made me For I’ll be there In my daughter’s eyes
Now that the mushy shit is out of the way, this is from me to you. . .(you can thank me later):
Let me offer a “put myself at ease” disclaimer before I go any further. The following rants are how I personally feel. Now, I could assume that most liberal thinkers feel the same way, but I would hate to put us all in the same box, so if you have something negative to say, aim it right at this BXTCH, no one else should get your wrath because of something I said.
I’m gonna share some truth with you. First, I’m not a big fan of labels. I may identify more with Democrats, but I don’t like the idea that a label needs to be put on the way someone believes. You can be a liberal but have some conservative viewpoints and vice versa. I do think it’s harder to be that way in today’s society, where people are looking to pitchfork you based on a belief you may have, but really, I’m here to wave the white flag, call a truce if you will. It seems that my Republican “friends” are confused on why someone (me, for example) votes the way I vote (I think the word most commonly used is “idiot”), but I think in order to understand that conundrum, you need to understand me a bit more.
I’m actually going to make this one pretty simple. The reason (well, the reason I believe anyway) that “religion” or “God” is not really a huge talking point in the liberal circle and the reason I get frustrated when it becomes a MAJOR talking point in the conservative circle comes down to one belief: the separation of church and state. Thomas Jefferson himself said:
Please don’t misunderstand me, I believe in God, I believe in Heaven and Hell. The belief of a God isn’t the problem. And believe it or not, I have no issues with anyone who raises their family based on their religious convictions. My problem is with the ones who want to make or change the law based on those (personal) religious convictions.
I think that it’s been proven time and again that religion and politics do not go together. You cannot base your political pick on how someone loves the Lord, because you will set yourself up to be disappointed. What happens when the one you picked based on their relationship with God, strays from the moral compass in which you used to vote for them? Better yet, what happens when that particular politician interprets the Lord’s word differently than you? The only “laws” that should be dictated or put in place because of something the Bible says are the ones you use in your home.
I believe in everyone’s right to pick and worship the God of their choice and the reality is my neighbor may not hit their knees for the same God I do, so if we as a country allow a politician to use the good book to dictate policy making, then shouldn’t it be representative of the population? And since this wonderful country is made up of different beliefs, I don’t believe it can be represented equally.
Prayer in school? Go for it. In fact, the school district my children attend offers a moment of silence every morning, a perfect time for anyone who wishes to go crazy and do something like say. . .pray. Believe it or not, they also recite the Pledge of Allegiance, One Nation under God and all that jazz, and me, a liberal, is okay with that. Shocker!
The relationship one has with whatever God they worship. . .is between them and that particular God. I don’t need to know how you prayed last night to be convinced that you can run this country.
Well this is a tricky subject. I am pro-choice (I know, I know, you almost fell off of the couch with that bomb,right?). I should probably clarify, I am pro-choice, not pro-abortion. Which translates to being about your body, your choice and not my decision to make for you. Do I think that there are some women out there who take advantage of being able to go and terminate a pregnancy? I do. But I also believe that the number of women who do this represents a very small percentage (like super small) and if I’m pouring my heart out, I may as well tell you that any woman who uses abortion as a form of birth control, isn’t very well suited to be a mother and that child is probably better off in the hands of God. I will also go ahead and reveal another secret. . .I don’t think that there are too many of you out there who are really pro-life, I think pro-birth better describes you. But we’ll talk about that when we get down to welfare. Your moral handbook insists that you raise your family pro-life? I support that decision because it’s my right to raise mine pro-choice, which in my definition means that if my children grow up and decide to climb on top of the platform that represents pro-life, then they will have my support. One’s personal beliefs should not ever dictate the law. I think you would be shocked to find out how many Democrats are pro-life in their personal lives but know personal ideologies should not make the law.
From what I can discern, the backbone most conservatives use for their pro-life argument falls within the pages of the Holy Bible, so I ask that you refer to the above for my feelings on that.
Last thing about abortion and I will move on. If you are a conservative who believes in the death penalty (and I have nothing against it if you do) then please stop using the “all life is precious” argument for your pro-life stance. Because pro-life isn’t representative of the death penalty.
**Save the “what about adoption” speech. Until we can make the adoption process in this country about the child and family and not about the dollar bills, and maybe stop discrimination against same sex couples (they are not going away) then there is no argument.
Holy shit, the bathroom issue has thrown this country into a tizzy, right? And I know most, if not all, Republicans think that it’s just another liberal talking point and we are fine with putting our kids at risk. First, slow your roll and listen up. Here is why I’m not concerned. Where in the hell does everyone think the transgender community has been using the restroom all of these years? Out back behind Target? No, in the stall right next to you. Think about it for a sec, I’ll wait. If we are going to use the “protect the children” slogan for this one, then how about we actually focus on issues that would really protect our little ones. Hunger. . .homelessness. . .sexual assault & abuse. . .gun control. . .education-we can go on and on. If it bothers you just because it does, then say that, but until we can really put the words “United We Stand” to good use and protect the kiddos against threats and issues that are actually real, keep your bullshit.
I am a mom of three, I am married to my “baby daddy” (have been for 17 years). To channel my inner Merle. . .“I ain’t never been on welfare and that’s one place I won’t be”. Well, never say never, but who am I to ruin a good song. Even when we were a small family of 3, struggling to make ends meet, we did it all on our own (just because of our circumstance, keep reading, you’ll see). I’m certainly not “anti-welfare” (I am a liberal, remember), we actually tried to qualify for WIC, but as a family, we made $100 too much. And because we are generally honest people, I refused to lie and take advantage of the system. So, what did we do? My husband got a second job waiting tables, and that income was what we used to buy formula and diapers. To clarify. . .I have NOTHING against anyone who utilizes the system that is there to help those who need it, we just didn’t qualify, so we had to move onto another plan. Having said that, I now would like to say the following. Please for fuck sake, STOP assuming that if someone votes on the liberal side, they MUST be unemployed and popping out baby after baby, all with your tax money and of course they are paying for groceries with food stamps while talking on their brand new iPhone. That way of thinking really only puts your ignorance on display for all to see, so please do some fucking research before you begin to spout your nonsense, and because they suck major Bush balls, Fox News does not count as one of your sources.
What has aways interested me is most conservatives stand on the idea that it takes a leader with strong religious convictions (once again, see above) to run the country. But those are the ones who seem to be the least compassionate when it comes to helping those in need, now I really hate to bring in the Good Man and have a “What Would Jesus Do” moment, but ask yourself, what would our Homeboy suggest? Well, good thing we can look up exactly what it is that he was thinking. . .it’s time for some shock and awe, BXTCHES!!
Let’s get back to abortion real quick. So, I mentioned earlier that my personal belief is that most (not all) who wear the pro-life badge are really pro-birth. Most of you only want to see the baby born, not ensure that the mom and/or dad has the means to care for the baby or themselves. So, based on my awesome deduction skills, here is where we are:
All life is precious, therefore abortion should be illegal
While you insist that a woman give birth, you don’t want to make it easy for her to feed her child, clothe her child, shelter her child, or medically care for her child, therefore making her jump through hoops to qualify for any type of government benefits OR you really want to cut those benefits altogether
If she is able to qualify for any type of benefits, she needs to show up, like say at a grocery store, in clothes that are as ratty looking as possible, with only shitty food in her basket, because God forbid she purchase anything remotely expensive or what you deem expensive. Oh and if she chooses to have a cell phone, it needs to be a first generation Nokia or some outdated bullshit like that.
Does that about nail it? It’s okay to admit that you really feel this way, and I can even understand the frustration of “I work hard for my money and can’t afford the things that she doesn’t even work for” but let’s at least agree to stop judging others in the name of God if you’re not going to hold yourself to the same standards. Fair? Let’s move on.
Okay, full disclosure: I don’t know a thing about guns. But before you start the word vomit about how I need to keep my mouth shut since I know not one thing about gun ownership, I equate it to this. . .you men know nothing about being a woman or our bodies, but it doesn’t really stop you from having very strong opinions and supporting legislation on what we should be allowed to do with them. I figure this makes us even. Carry on.
I have already addressed this issue in a previous post (which you can find-here), but since this is a real hot button right now, why not talk about it again, especially since there seems to be some confusion on where ideologies lie.
I have said this before, but I think it bears repeating. I am not against owning guns. In fact, if one of my children came to me and wanted to learn how to use a firearm OR if my husband wanted to teach the offspring how to use a firearm, I’m all for it. I’m also supportive of your right to-own a gun, hunt, protect your home-so, let me make sure, once again, you understand the following.
This BXTCH has nothing against your right to bear arms. I have NO interest in repealing the 2nd amendment to the U.S. Constitution. I also don’t think that the government of this great country will be going door to door anytime soon asking you to give up your right to shoot a motherfucker dead if he threatens you or yours.
The only thing the ones to the left are trying to do is get some common sense laws enacted. And, just for shits and giggles, let’s just get some of the arguments you have made out of the way:
2nd amendment: Your argument in wanting to sleep with your arsenal of weapons is:”what happens when we need to overthrow the government?” Well, if this were the 1700’s, this would be a pretty legitimate question. But, let’s talk 2016 for a moment. Do you really think that. . .1) We will need to overthrow the government? I mean, if George W. Bush didn’t warrant an overthrow, then we may be safe. 2) The United States has the world’s best military on their side, still think you and your posse can overthrow them with your guns? But, have no fear, if the need arises for you to get the boys together and go all “militia” crazy on their asses, you will still have your guns to make your dreams come true, because no one is taking them away from you, so get the guys together and get your plan in place.
The other argument I hear over and over is this-“people do not need guns to commit mass murder, they could use things like bombs”. Okay, you’re absolutely right. But I have no idea what that has to do with passing common sense gun laws.
How about this one-“gun control is not going to stop people from purchasing guns, just like drug laws do not stop people from doing drugs.” Again, you’re right, but with that logic, should we just have a Purge party up in this bitch and get rid of laws altogether? Let’s take something simple, like drunk driving. MADD was founded in 1980 and played a large part in changing laws involving the legal drinking age and driving under the influence. All of it due to one woman and her passion to not have her 13 year old daughter’s death be in vain. When MADD was founded, around 25,000 deaths occurred each year because of drunk driving, since then the number has been cut in half, all because of common sense laws. Do people still drive under the influence? Yes they do. But, surely we can agree that the laws that were put into place 30+ years ago, work. It is the job of our government to take action when something becomes an epidemic.
It says something when the majority of Americans are in support of some sort of reform and it’s our job to stand up and demand that legislation start moving in the right direction. The NRA isn’t filling your pockets with the same cash that they’re giving our politicians and I think Obama has proven that he’s not gonna be knocking on your door to collect your 2nd amendment. If we still are at a disagreement, let me bring in the big guns (pun intended), the shining star of the Republican Wet Dream, Ronald Reagan, here is what he had to say about military grade weapons:
Please watch the following video:
Still think there is no need for some change? If only one life can be saved because laws were put into place, isn’t it worth it? I mean, ALL life is precious, right?
This one really is baffling this BXTCH. I want to think that it’s a joke, but I’m starting to believe that y’all are really serious about this asshat. I have yet to hear one redeeming, presidential quality that this guy has. I hear things such as:
“He’s not afraid to speak his mind and be politically incorrect”. Well, I guess I can’t be too terribly upset about him speaking his mind, I mean, because of that wondrous trait, we now know what a huge, fucking racist he is. And please don’t start with the “he isn’t a racist” bullshit, he is the worse kind, because he doesn’t even realize that his actions and words are racist. What I really want to get on to is the “politically incorrect” part. I’m someone who believes that we have become a bit sensitive as a country and maybe we should loosen up a bit. But making fun of a disabled journalist, isn’t someone being politically incorrect, it’s someone being an asshole. Making derogatory comments about women, isn’t someone being politically incorrect, it’s someone being misogynistic and an asshole. Someone who thinks that banning Muslims from entering this country (American or otherwise) or wanting to build a wall to keep Hispanics out, isn’t someone being politically incorrect, it’s someone being a racist asshole. I could keep going, but do I really need to? Here’s the thing, if he was just Donald J. Trump, an American businessman and reality T.V. star, who fucking cares if this was how he felt, because truthfully, his way of thinking always sorts itself out and it wouldn’t end good for him. The issue isn’t necessarily his way of thinking, the issue, is his way of thinking isn’t presidential. We have to hold the leader of this country to a much higher standard than we do reality T.V. stars, I mean could you imagine a Kanye West/Kim Kardashian ticket? We cannot have the President of the free world, making fun of disabled bodies and speaking of women in the disdainful manner in which he does, treating minorities as if they don’t belong, throwing tantrums when something doesn’t go his way and really just being an all around ignorant jerk.
“Anything is better than Hillary”. Okay, here is where my bias beliefs will hurt me. You don’t want to vote for Hillary, okay, don’t. But is Trump a better choice? I keep hearing people refer to Hillary as ‘crooked’ or ‘liar’, but never back it up with why you feel that she is that way. But, being the diplomatic BXTCH that I am, I will give you the benefit of doubt and say that you are correct, Hillary is a crooked liar (combining the adjectives just makes it easier, you know) and let’s say that we have to pick one, well I guess we’re not just saying it, we do actually have to pick just one: Hillary or Donald. I am going to play the woman card for one moment. We all have moms, daughters, sisters, at least some female in our lives who is important to us, right? This is what the Republican nominee for President of the United States of America feels about us women:
If this is the attitude you’re okay with our Commander-in-Chief having, then you should probably make sure your daughters do not enlist.
In all fairness, he may think that he read this one in Proverbs. He does have a difficult time quoting the Bible.
But you’re okay with your daughters growing up under his leadership?
Trump supporters use the term ‘liar’ an awful lot when it comes to Hillary Clinton, in addition to other not so nice things that I’m quite sure your mother raised you better than to say. Now, I watch the political channels when I need to and my husband even makes me watch Fox, so who really knows whose nose is growing or who it is that’ll make Santa’s nice list. However, I do check out politifact.com every now and again, I highly recommend it. In doing the little bit of research I did for this post, it’s interesting to note, that according to politifact.com, Donald Trump, during the course of this campaign, has the following record when it comes to telling the truth OR to use a more familiar term, being a liar:
So, if we’re basing your pick on honesty or who is the “least liar”, I guess you’ll be checking the box next to Clinton’s name then.
I am proud to say that yes, I voted for the man, two times. I also have no shame in proclaiming that I believe he has done a wonderful job as our Commander-In-Chief, but the only reason I mention Obama is because of the following meme, good Lord it is a good one.
Let’s look past the fact that the greatness of this meme, is whoever created it, is in essence calling me stupid, but doesn’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re” AND “to” and “too”. But chances are, if you look at this and think “Hell Yeah”, then you voted for George W. Bush TWICE and do I really need to say more? I have to endure a lot of posts (some from my actual bloodline) that involve some form of the following: “Those libs are idiots” OR “Voting for Hillary is ignorance at its finest” OR“Those Democrats just want handouts, they want the government to pay for everything” OR “Maybe they should hand out job applications at the Trump protests”OR “I would rather have a sexist, racist, xenophobe, demagogue oh. . .I mean Trump as the President of the free world, even though I have no idea what kind of policies he would initiate since he can’t answer a question directly, rather than Hillary, because you know. . .Liberals. I mean, I realize I have daughters and my vote for Trump could certainly impact them in a very negative way and probably send them back about 50 years, but those idiot Libtards.”
While I hope this gives you a bit more understanding in the way that some of us liberals, well this liberal thinks, maybe we can start to bridge the gap of misunderstanding and start to realize that we are Americans first. But in order for that wish to be fulfilled I’m gonna have to put in the following request. Just keep reading, you’ll understand.
The general term I see on social media regarding “my kind” is the word idiot and maybe I am, hell, only time will tell, but if you insist on using that word when describing me and my people, at least mix it up a bit, let me add my assistance:
Some common alternatives would be: fool/moron/twit/stupid
But we can do better than that: ignoramus/imbecile/nicompoop/tomfool
There are plenty out there, have some fun with it, I mean, if you’re going to teach your kiddos all about being contemptuously rude, at the very least expand their vocab along the way.
I could really go on and on regarding the disrespect that is thrown at people just for believing differently and is usually thrown by people who are very quick to stand and preach from their own Christian pulpit. Let me say that again, I’m an ignoramus, a moron, a stupid twit, a nincompoop (see what I did there?) all because my values and beliefs are just different from yours. Oh, I must’ve missed the part in the Bible where Jesus actually preaches about hate and intolerance. Please tell me again about my sinning ways.
I believe that En Vogue said it best when they said: “FREE YOUR MIND AND THE REST WILL FOLLOW!”
For those keeping score, that’s three song references in this one post, you’re welcome.
Here we go BXTCHES, another episode that may be meaningless, maybe not, of course it’s not gonna stop me from imparting my wisdom onto you fine people. But today’s rant is a bit different because I actually know what I’m talking about (for once). I’m sure by now you’re biting at the bits wondering what it is I’m gonna discuss today, well hold on, here we go. Today it’s all about. . .
Get your BXTCH minds out of the gutter, we can discuss that kind of eating out at a later date, I’m actually talking about the kind of eating out you do in a restaurant.
Recently I was enjoying lunch on the patio of a fantastic Mexican restaurant with my brother, my daughter, and my nephew. Now, behind our table was a table of about 8-10 that was a mix of moms and their kiddos (toddlers/babies). At the head of the table was a boy, I would say around 18-24 months old, standing in the chair (not a highchair or booster) with a bowl of rice that he decided was much better dumped out on the table/ground rather than in the bowl as it was intended. The kicker? His mother sat next to him just chit chatting away with her girls, as if her kid wasn’t making a huge fucking mess! He had to have gotten his grubby little hands on more than just one bowl of rice. This shit was all over his section of the table, as well as all underneath his chair, on the ground. I sat staring like a crazy BXTCH, wondering just when his mom was going to pipe up and tell that little shit to stop dumping food all over the place, but sadly, that never happened. Which, coincidently had me thinking of a conversation I had with my sister (who happens to be a bartender) about the service industry and the patrons that enjoy it. The conversation basically boiled down to this. . .
Because of my need to spread goodwill to all, I am here to help and offer my expertise. These “tips” are not really in any particular order (though I will try). I may be wanting to provide goodwill to all, but I’m unorganized as fuck. Here we go. . .**I may say “server” mostly in this post, but I am of course referring to both servers and bartenders**
One would think that this particular gem would go without saying, one would be wrong-TRUST. There are actually individuals who know before they even sit down and open a menu, that something is going to go wrong, usually made up, all to justify stiffing the server. This is because they don’t understand how eating out works or they think tipping is optional (get that idea out of your head, PLEASE!) or they are truly a special kind of asshole who believes that if someone wants to make a “real living” then they should not work in an industry dependent on tips as income. #dontbethatasshole The service industry is really hard work, but it is also a great way to make a fuck ton of money, if you’re good at your job. It’s the asshags that have the above mentality that makes one want to slip some Visine in your drink. Look, I’m not trying to be a real bitch and pick on someone who really can’t afford the idea of a meal plus a tip, but this BXTCH won’t even pull into a stall at Sonic if I know I don’t have cash for a tip. I either go through the drive-thru or skip it all together. Putting my goodwill foot forward, here are my tips (pun intended) to you.
*Find out what the “Kids Eat Free” schedule is for your area (just Google it) and use that schedule to dictate where you eat out at. That way you can use the money that you would’ve spent on feeding your kiddos for the tip.
*Cut out the alcohol, just enjoy a beer when you get home. Unless you’re getting a really good price on the booze and since water is free, I’m quite certain it isn’t cheaper than that, then don’t continue to add unnecessary money to your final bill. Your tip should be based off of what you spend, if you don’t spend it then you don’t need to tip based on it.
*If possible, choose to eat out during lunch and take advantage of lunch specials. They’re cheaper and you will still leave feeling good and full.
This one should be pretty simple, but you would be surprised. If you waited 45 minutes for a table, it’s not your servers fault, so leaving them a shitty tip because you had to wait a bit long for your table, not only adds you to the douche nozzle list, but it also will affect the rest of your servers shift. So, once again, spreading my goodwill and cheer to all, here are my tips in helping you decrease your wait time and in turn, keeping you off of any jerkwad, douche nozzle list. You can thank me later:
*If you have never taken advantage of call ahead seating, you need to jump on that shit, NOW! Not every restaurant offers this perk, but you won’t know until you call. If you are unsure how it works, here you go. . .you call the restaurant, if they offer call ahead seating, just ask if they are currently experiencing a wait, if they are, simply tell them that you want to add your name to the wait list, they will take your name and your expected time of arrival and once you get to the restaurant, you check in with the front door. Easy Peasy!
*If you absolute detest encountering a wait in a restaurant, then either show up for an early dinner prior to the rush (say between 5pm-6:30pm) OR consider having a late dinner by showing up after the rush (9pm or after). If neither of those options appeal to you, then suck it up, buttercup, you’re gonna have to wait.
*Know what is happening in the world before you go out. I’m not talking about what kind of idiocy that has recently spewed from The Donald’s mouth or who is winning the current political debate. I’m referring to things that can push you to an unusually long wait time. For example, if there is a fight on T.V., then I would stay away from any restaurants that are showing said fight (sports bars/restaurants mainly). If there is a big sporting event on, then be sure to visit a restaurant that’s a little low on T.V.’s. You would be surprised at how many people go out to get a bite and then get sucked into whichever sporting event is on the screen
*My last tip. . .Don’t forget about the bar. In most cases, bar seating in restaurants is usually open seating (not all, so check first), this simply means it’s first come/first seat, no waiting. I understand this may not appeal to folks with kiddos, calm down, I’m not asking to to stick a booster seat on the actual bar and go to town, but there are booths/tables that are in the bar area and since most places these days hate smokers, you don’t even have to worry about developing emphysema. AND in most places it’s not until after 10 p.m. that age restrictions are put in to affect for the bar area. Just a tip.
It will help if you can remember that most likely, the host(ess) that greeted you at the front door and added your name to a wait list, could be as young as 16 years old and unfortunately has no real science in quoting you an accurate time, so they’re kind of giving you a broad window. Wait times are really intended to be an estimate. Don’t freak out if it’s 5 or so minutes past your quoted time and you’re still standing there salivating at the mouth. Now, if you’re creeping into 15-20 minutes past your quoted time, just politely mention it to your friendly front door staff. Sometimes things occur and you may encounter a particular bitchy host(ess), in this occasion, you need to either ask for a manager and get the situation taken care of OR let it go. What you will not do, is let the bitchy attitude of your host(ess) move with you to your table and let it affect not only you and those with you, but your server as well. Order a shot, it’ll make everything better.
I think we should start at the beginning. As someone who frequents restaurants, I can say with absolute certainty that. . .it sucks balls to place your order (appetizer/salad/entree), just to have it all arrive within minutes of one another. Technically, there are systems in place to try and prevent this from happening in most restaurants, but it will and does happen, probably more frequently than the server enjoys. If this pisses you right off, listen up, this BXTCH is going to tell you how to prevent it. Order your appetizer, then wait for it to arrive before ordering your entree. That way you have plenty of time to nosh on your potato skins while discussing what that asshole co-worker of yours posted on Facebook AND if your entree happens to take a bit longer than normal, you’re stomach isn’t going to be reminding you, because you just enjoyed some delicious fried carbs. I know, it’s amazing how brilliant I am. One would think I have a degree from MIT or some shit hanging on my wall. Nope, just a degree of common sense.
Now, let’s talk about the next problem. It really does suck to be so hungry after a long day at work that your ready to actually eat your arm off, you’ve waited 45 minutes for a table and order your food, just for it to come out either wrong or not at all what you were expecting. But the one thing I can guarantee, is it wasn’t your server in the kitchen flipping your burger or grilling your steak. As long as your server gets to your table within a reasonable amount of time to check on you and your food, then let them handle the situation and trust them to do their job. There are going to be many times that another employee is the one bringing your food out to your table, since that employee isn’t the one who took your order, here are my recommendations:
*If you ordered ANY item that needed to be cooked to order (steak/burger), then do not allow that employee (this includes your server or otherwise) to walk away from your table until you have cut into your food to ensure that it is cooked correctly. This eliminates you having to sit and wait for your server to get back to your table and eliminates the rage that will be seeping from your pores.
*Don’t be afraid to ask the food runner for things you need. Refills/condiments/extra napkins/silverware. Even if it’s not your server, ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED! But remember, there are dipsticks working everywhere. If you asked someone for something and then your server comes by your table to check on you, mention what you asked the other employee for, I guarantee your server is going to be sure you get what you need.
*If you don’t enjoy something you have ordered, regardless of the reason, send it back and get something else. What you should not EVER do is eat the majority of your entree, just to decide you didn’t like it and then send it back. It’s an asshole move. It’s okay to order something and not particularly enjoy it when it hits your table, it’s okay to let your server know that you want to order something else instead, it’s NOT OKAY to have one bite left on your plate, just to tell your server that it wasn’t very good and you’re not going to pay for it. #dontbethatasshole
The important thing to remember here is this. . .there is a high possibility that once your server rings up your order, they may not see your food again until it is actually on your table. Should your order come out correctly 100% of the time? Yes. But have a little understanding and give your server an opportunity to take care of any problems before you decide to drop $1 on the table.
Everybody has a bad day, I get it. There are days where patience is gone and the only thing in it’s place is begin a straight up jack hole. But being a dick to other people isn’t going to solve your problems, stay home if necessary, because treating someone like shit because your day is in the toilet is inconsiderate, treating your server like shit because your day sucks is stupid. Surely you’ve seen the movie “Waiting” and the scene with the very bitchy guest, you know the one who breaks the cardinal rule. . .Now, I’m not saying that the scene from that movie is what actually happens in a restaurant, but do you really want to play “whose the bigger fucktard” with the person who’s making your salad? I didn’t think so.
If you have decided to be the ultimate ass before you ever even sit down, your server isn’t going to go out of his/her way to give you superior service. Why? They already know you’re probably not even going to leave a tip, so why waste their time? They will make sure you get the bare minimum (food and maybe one drink with an optional refill), but you will not be lucky enough to receive their wit and stunning personalty. That will be saved for the tables whose manners didn’t escape them that night.
What’s our lesson for today? Being rude and inconsiderate will get you the same in return. Being kind and understanding will get you the service you not only desire, but deserve.
So, the following doesn’t really fall into any particular category, but it’s necessary for you to know. Hang on, because I may be all over the place here.
*If you are someone who gets irritated easily when your food comes out wrong OR your server is a bit wet behind the ears OR just an easily pissed off person. . .Do not ever go to a restaurant that has JUST OPENED, even if it’s a chain restaurant and they have 1000’s of other stores. A brand spanking new place is still working out kinks. That’s kinks at the front door and dealing with not only how to quote wait times, but also how to actually use station rotation. Believe it or not, new restaurants do hire servers who have never waited a table in their life, so imagine the kinks there that need to be worked out. But most problems in a new restaurant come from the kitchen. So, trust a BXTCH when she tells you to just stay away if you won’t be able to stop yourself from logging onto your Facebook account and giving a verbal warning to all who’ll listen about why they shouldn’t try out the new place in town.
*When you leave a tip (or lack thereof), you need to understand, that the tip (or not) you left on the table, doesn’t all go to your server. Now, restaurants are all different, but in most, servers have to tip out at the end of their shift. This can be anywhere between 1-3% of their sales. In almost EVERY restaurant, servers are going to have to tip out to the bar (usually even if they had nothing come from the bar during their shift), and then depending on the establishment, a server could also have to tip out a busser and in some cases, even the host(ess). I honestly can’t think of anywhere that the tip out would be higher than 3%, but I guess it could happen. But, let’s assume that the restaurant that you are enjoying, the tip out rate is 2%.
*If your ticket is $100, regardless of what you tip, the server would automatically have to tip out $2.
Now, let’s discuss the actual workings of a server’s income. I’m going to try to keep it as simple as possible.
*Servers/Bartenders really only make $2.13/hr. Without getting too technical, by law, a tipped employee MUST make at least minimum wage when averaging their hourly rate with their claimed tips. So, when it’s said that the tips left is income, I promise you it is. You will not find a server/bartender running to pick up their paycheck on payday.
*Tipped employees MUST claim the tips that they receive. Since this is income, this is what is reported to the government for tax purposes. It’s also documented somewhere what that particular employees sales are. Keeping it simple, if a server/bartender waits on a table and that table stiffs them (leaves no $$), that employee will still have to pay taxes on that, because it is assumed that a tip was left. Will it all even out in the long run? Possibly, but I have known servers that have been audited by the IRS and it came down to what the IRS said you should’ve made that year vs. what you claimed. Guess who wins that game? So, when a table leaves no tip, not only are they having to tip out on that table, but they also have to pay taxes on that table. Now they have paid money out of their pocket to wait on you. Fair? Not really.
*If you are unsure on how to tip, then the 1st thing you should do is download a tip calculator to your phone. But, if service was great, a 20% tip is customary. If you don’t have a tip calculator, then hopefully you can do some simple math. . .
*Your tab is $100. . .10% of that is $10. . .Double that to make 20% and you should be leaving $20.
*Pay attention to your credit card receipt and make sure you calculated correctly. It just takes a bit of bad math for your server to get screwed.
I’m about to drop a bomb on you, one that’s going to change the game. . .your table is not the only table your server is waiting on. I know, I can’t believe it either. For the sake of argument, let’s assume that your server has a 4 table station, and all the tables sit 4 people (4-tops). Now, that’s 16 people, if their station is completely full. If the host(ess) sat these tables properly, then there really shouldn’t be any severe issues. But, if even 2 of the tables were sat at the same time, it could throw your server way off of their game. You should be able to look around and see whether or not your service is bad because your server is crazy busy (in the weeds) or if they just suck. Either way, if it’s bad enough that it warrants you to not leave a tip, then it warrants you to ask for a manager. Here’s why. . .if your server got sat two tables at one time (double sat) or even three (triple sat), God help them, and that’s the reason for the bad service, the manager needs to be able to fix it. That could be figuring out what happened at the front door to cause it to happen OR maybe cutting down how many tables that server has in their section, so that server is able to offer better service. Some servers are rockstars and can handle it, but trust me when I say to you, managers want/need to know what’s happening. This goes both ways though, if you can complain, you can compliment. If your service was stellar, tell a manager and make sure your tip reflects it. **on a side note. . .make sure your teen understands how to tip before sending them out by their self.
Get your shit together when it comes to your kids. Remember the little fucker from above? That is not acceptable ANYWHERE. But, if you don’t want it done at your kitchen table, then it shouldn’t be done at a public one. Allowing your kids to make a ginormous mess, just because it “occupies” them, is pretty shitty parenting. If your kid(s) is that big of an asshole, don’t bring them out to a public restaurant. I’m not one who subscribes to shoving an electronic device in the face of a kid all of the time, but sometimes the situation begs for it. And if your kid is busy coloring all over the table OR throwing as much food as they can on the floor OR just being a downright jerk, then maybe you should throw an iPad at them and pray for the best. Your server is there to bring you food/drinks and maybe a laugh, not to get on their knees and try to get up the ground up cracker crumbs your kid consistently threw to the floor for a solid hour.
Last, but just as equally important, please understand this. I’m not telling you guys to leave a tip NO MATTER WHAT. If your server is someone who would be better served working in the basement of some warehouse, where contact with the population is extremely limited, then please by all means, tip accordingly. I am someone who believes that you should tip based upon the service you receive, from your server, not your host(ess) OR the cook OR the busser. . .well you should get the point.
Well, HAPPY EATING OUT (to whatever that means to you) and until next time BXTCHES. . .
Here we go with another edition of “Crap I Wanna Say”, but this one is gonna be a bit touchy. Yes, boys, girls, and BXTCHES, we are gonna discuss the two words that incite anger, the likes of which I’ve never seen. . .GUN CONTROL or what it should really be called. . .Common Sense.
Okay, I know what you’re probably thinking, “Do we really need to continue this discussion?”. Well, truth be told, maybe we don’t need to, but since this is my blog, I can fucking discuss what I want, so let’s get on with it.
First things first. . .
FULL DISCLOSURE FROM THIS BXTCH: I am an Obama supporter. I voted for him in both elections and I am someone who believes that once history has had it’s say, he will go down as one of the greater presidents this country has seen. I know what some of you are thinking, that BXTCH is such an idiot. But, since I have already pissed some of you off, I should probably go ahead and go for the score. . .I’m pro-Obama/I’m pro-choice/I’m pro-gay marriage/I’m for the legalization of marijuana (though I have NEVER in my life smoked it or consumed it)/I believe that Obamacare is fantastic, basically I’m pretty much a walking liberal orgy. Also, I have nothing against guns. In fact, if my husband came to me and wanted to teach our children how to shoot, I would have no objections. I would just prefer if someone crazy wants to go on a shooting spree, there are certain restrictions in place to prevent that from happening. And for all of you out there who continue to say things like Obama is coming after your guns, I gonna have to politely ask you to STOP! You know damn well that it would never happen, even if it is proposed in Congress, so let’s shut down that nonsense.
Go ahead and get it out, call me the names that some of you deem “appropriate” to call someone who believes differently than you do. You done? Good, let’s try to have an adult conversation about guns, shall we?
I’m actually going to try and keep this short, sweet, and simple. I did say try, not promise.
First, let’s just discuss what it is that Obama is wanting to do. Now, I’m not going to go in to all of it, but I did read the abbreviated version and no where does it state that part of his plan is to confiscate your guns. Most of his plan involves things such as:
Require any business that engages in the sale of guns to obtain a federal license to do so and conduct background checks. This will apply to gun stores, sellers of guns at gun shows, and sellers of guns over the Internet. Failure to obtain a license to sell will carry criminal penalties of up to five years in prison and a fine of up to $250,000. Failure to conduct a required background check will also carry penalties.
**PRETTY REASONABLE, RIGHT? DOESN’T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THE ATF COMING INTO YOUR HOME AND TAKING YOUR WEAPON**
Requires the ATF Bureau to issue a rule requiring background checks for purchasers of certain dangerous firearms and other items who purchase them through a trust, corporation or other legal entity. It will also issue a rule clarifying that gun dealers/licensees who ship firearms have the responsibility to notify law enforcement if their guns are lost or stolen in transit.
**AGAIN THIS SEEMS LIKE SOMETHING THAT SHOULD ALREADY BE IN PLACE**
Asks the attorney general to encourage federal U.S. attorneys to work with state and local authorities and groups to increase prevention of domestic violence and to prevent prohibited persons from obtaining firearms.
**SURELY THIS ISN’T A BAD THING??**
Calls upon state attorneys general to focus resources on eliminating the most dangerous and impactful cases in illegal gun trafficking, and violent offenders who bypass the background check system and purchase guns illegally.
**ARE WE REALLY OBJECTING TO THIS??**
For the full list of Obama’s plan to “take away your guns”, click here.
I know this isn’t the full list, there are things like. . .investing more in mental health, hiring more ATF agents to help enforce existing gun laws, make it easier for states to communicate with one another and make it easier to communicate with the Federal agencies. Seems pretty cut and dry, not to mention reasonable, so I’m not too sure what people are getting their dicks all twisted up about.
Here is where my frustration lies. This shouldn’t be a political issue, it should be a common sense/humanity issue. It makes sense that whenever there is a problematic issue, certain provisions need to be made to ensure that the issue doesn’t become even more problematic. I think that the majority of America can agree that GUN CONTROL is needed in this country. In fact, I think it’s about 90% of America-see article here.
My first question to those who oppose gun control is simple. . .WHY? Why are you so against it? Please for the love of Ronald Reagan do not say “gun control sure aint gonna stop them criminals, if a criminal wants a gun, they’re gonna get one”. No shit Sherlock, they certainly will get a gun. Just like the law says that if I have consumed a certain amount of alcohol, I’m not supposed to get behind the wheel of a car, but does that stop all from drinking and driving? While laws that surround driving while intoxicated were enacted well before 1980, it was MADD who pushed for tougher legislation for those convicted of driving under the influence of drugs and alcohol AND it was MADD who successfully pushed for the legal drinking age to be raised. Do you know the catalyst for the creation of MADD? The organization was created by Candy Lightner after her 13 year old daughter was killed by a drunk driver on her way home from a school carnival. The driver had 3 previous DUI convictions and was out on bail from a hit and run arrest just two days prior. How many people do you think told Candy Lightner that she was crazy? That there was no way she would be able to get the drinking age raised, that regardless, people who want to drink and possibly drive will do so and changing the law will not work. But, statistics show that since the creation of MADD in 1980, drunk driving deaths have been cut in half*.
Shall we go even further? And this one is going to hit some right in the pisser. The law in Texas says that if I want to get an abortion that there are certain things that need to take place:
A woman must receive state-directed counseling that includes information designed to discourage her from having an abortion and then wait 24 hours before the procedure is provided.
A woman must undergo an ultrasound before obtaining an abortion; the provider must show and describe the image to the woman. If the woman lives within 100 miles of an abortion provider she must obtain the ultrasound at least 24 hours before the abortion.
Let’s not forget the ones that require Texas abortion clinics to meet the requirements for ambulatory surgical centers, which (according to lillithfund.org) left only 6 abortion clinics in the entire state. Now, imagine if there were only 6 places in the whole state of Texas for you to purchase a gun.
Now, don’t misunderstand, I am well aware that abortions and guns are not the same thing, but when lawmakers wanted to make it more difficult for a woman to obtain an abortion, what did they do? They enacted laws that would do so, because according to those lawmakers, abortion is murder and if they can’t outlaw it, they are going to restrict it, their reason? “All Life Is Precious” But is it really? If all life was truly precious, then why not enact some common sense laws that would help save precious lives? It should not be easy to get a gun, AT ALL!
When 20 children, aged 6 & 7, are shot and killed and that act alone doesn’t piss people off enough to demand that Congress begin the process of enacting tougher gun laws, then all life isn’t truly precious. In fact, reality is, the wallet is more precious than life.
*National Highway Traffic Safety Administration FARS data, 2012.
Welcome BXTCHES to another episode of “I’m not sure what the hell she is talking about, but I’m gonna with it anyway”. Trust a BXTCH when she says that she’s not even sure if she was able to hit anything on the head here and make a lot of sense. Just read it, unfortunately this topic doesn’t allow me a lot of room to be my witty, hilarious self. It’s okay, even the best ones need to take a break every so often.
FULL DISCLOSURE FROM THIS BXTCH: I think it’s best if I’m 100% honest, straight from the word go here. I was raised in a racist home, one where the “special word” (you know the one) was used and was used often, in fact, as a young girl, I thought that was what black people were called. We played the “eeny meeny miney moe, catch a ____ by his toe” game, we called Brazil nuts by their other name. I even have an older sister whose nickname had the “special word”, simply because her ass and nose was bigger than ours, which isn’t saying much, we’re not a family of asses, our assets lie on our chests. Now, thankfully, I’m one stubborn BXTCH and it didn’t take long for me to realize that the “special word” was not appropriate and even more thankful for the fact that I wasn’t one who took what my parents said as the gospel and learned things on my own.
Now with that out of the way, you should also know that I am married to a black man and I have three children with that man. My oldest is who actually spurred this post. Scrolling through Twitter one day, she came across a post by her cousin, who is as white as the new fallen snow, that said:
“When a nigga your ex cheated on you with at the Walmart subway and he gives you free cookies hes chill af”
Now, I apologize for the “special word” and for the lack of proper grammar, but I was quoting him. Now, my daughter was super offended by this tweet, which actually surprised me, but we formulated a pretty witty response. Fast forward a couple of days and her other cousin, also white, used the term in our car. To say I was shocked was an understatement. When I told her that she cannot use that word around me or my kids, she proceeds to tell me that they use that word all the time. Again, jaw on the floor.
So, this gets me thinking about this word, whether it’s ending in “a” or “er”. When I discussed this with my 16 year old and how she feels about the word, her response is: “offended”. She went on to explain that it doesn’t matter to her how the word is used, whether it’s used in greeting or in a racist tone, she is offended. Even more surprising to me, is she doesn’t care who is using the word, it’s still offensive. To her it doesn’t matter the color of your skin, she’s offended. This is not a word that she has grown up around (we do not use it in our home) and she’s more of a One Direction music person, so she’s not really listening to it in her music selections. That’s not to say that she hasn’t heard it in her music, she just hasn’t heard it enough to become desensitized by the word. And I hope to keep that way for as long as I can.
I’m not really around my brother and his family enough to get my nephew’s opinion on his decision in using the word (see above tweet), but I was able to talk to my niece and my sister about my niece’s use of the word. What I gathered is this. It’s just a word. Has it been used in her household as a derogatory name towards black people: Yes, which I respect her for admitting. But they also feel as if using it ending in “a” causes it to take on a different tone and meaning.
Before I go any further into this post, I did a bit of research on the history of the word. Don’t get too excited, I didn’t go into great detail with my research. But here is what I learned:
The “special word” derives from the French/Portuguese/Spanish/Latin words for black. The word didn’t start out as one that was offensive, it was really an identifier way, way back when, In slave days, the “special word” or the word black was inserted in front of a common name as a way to distinguish a slave from a non-slave with the same name. By the mid-twentieth century is when the word began to take on a more derogatory meaning.
I also wanted to get a black woman’s take on the “special word”, so I asked a friend what her feelings were. It is certainly a word that offends her and a word that has been used to identify her (not in a “what up my. . .” way). When I asked her how she reacts when she has been called the “special word” and her response was perfect. She told me that she gives them a chance to correct themselves and make sure that they have chosen the right word and it’s only then that there is a problem.
I was actually most surprised by the one I have promised my forever to. When I asked my husband how he feels about the word, his response was simple. . .“It doesn’t bother me.” He did go on to say that if someone were to use that word in a negative manner towards him, that him being offended and getting pissed off about it, “isn’t going to change how the other person uses the word”. Racist people are going to continue to be racist, regardless. Interestingly enough, he also feels that when African-Americans use the “special word” around white people on a consistent basis, it’s just a test, a test to see if the word is used enough, will that white person become comfortable enough to begin to use the “special word”, I’m not too sure how I feel about that theory, but it is a theory nonetheless. His family (according to him) uses the word as if it’s any other word when they are around one another. But, insert a white person into that setting and the word becomes non-existent.
Now it’s time to discuss what this BXTCH thinks. I am someone who thinks that the word is offensive, regardless of the manner in which it is used. While the word may piss me off, it also brings me a little satisfaction when someone makes it so easy to identify their racism and there is no better time than right now in our country for that to happen. And the great thing is it not only identifies the racists, but the ignorant ones as well. Although, racism and ignorance go hand in hand.
Growing up in a family that used that word with frequency, I wonder how many non-black families use the word in the privacy of their own homes today? My wish is this, if you are going to use the word in your home as a way to identify black people, then make sure you have the balls to use them outside your home. It makes it easier to identify hate and racism, not to mention, who the hell I can use as a learning tool for my kids.
BXTCHES Gotta Warn: Let me preface this entire tirade by stating the following: In no way, shape, or form, do I believe that Amy Schumer is fat. I would also like to say, that it is my personal, liberal loving, blue flag waving, radical believing, tolerant opinion that she is fucking hilarious. Now, shall we get on with another episode of: “What I say really doesn’t matter and it’s just really a hot rambling mess, but, please read anyway”?
When in the world did fat shaming become a thing? Does it seep through the cracks because it has no race and is aimed mostly at women? While I believe social media is a wonderful thing, I do think that one of the greatest, but possibly most horrendous downsides to so much personal access is being able to see peoples true colors.
Recently I came across the following picture.
Fantastic, right? As a woman, I looked at the above picture and saw greatness. I thought, that takes a real set of balls to not only pose in practically nothing, but have it put out there for the world to see, untouched. I like Amy Schumer. I think that she is fucking hilarious and she’s beautiful. But, I had recently watched her HBO Special, followed by another special that was on Comedy Central, so I could be biased and maybe should’ve looked at it from another perspective. It was almost as if the social media gods were shining down on me, because lo and behold, what comes right across my Facebook feed? An article about Steven Crowder’s opinion regarding the Amy Schumer picture. His blog post was titled: “Dear Fat Feminists: Being Naked While Unattractive is not ‘Brave’. . .”. Yes, you read that right, he actually said THAT!
Up until recently, I have never heard of Steven Crowder. What I learned was this, he is a conservative comedian who runs a website titled: Louder with Crowder, catchy right? I use the term “comedian” very loosely as I have yet to come across anything that he has put his name on that has made me laugh out loud.
Again, not being very familiar with who this man was, I decided to do a little research. I did learn that he used to be a contributor on Fox News, but was let go because of some remarks he made regarding Sean Hannity. And you know how Fox News is, don’t smack the mouths of the ones who suck the cock or you will find yourself out of a job. Now, I read what he said and to he honest, he kinda got the shaft. What he said wasn’t really all that bad and not at all disrespectful, but what do I care, I don’t even watch Fox News. But if you are curious and want to know what it is he said, click here. I also read that Fox News didn’t really find Mr. Crowder to be too terribly funny and that was a contributing factor to his involuntary termination, I NEVER agree with Fox, but on that one perspective, I concur.
I was going to go into detail and aim this article toward politics and another reason whey Democrats are different than Republicans, but I decided that an asshole is an asshole, fuck who he votes for.
So, here is what I have to say about the word vomit that has spewed from this douchebags mouth.
I know you are married (you did well, she is very beautiful), but I beg of you to not procreate. Because if you were to have a daughter, she is bound to have body image issues with you as her father, especially if you think that the picture above depicts a “fat” woman. And since you seem to have a hard time holding back your tongue, what happens if you have a daughter a little on the heavy side? And God forbid you have a son that views women through your perspective.
Shame on your mother for raising a son who believes that it is okay to speak about the female sex in the manner in which you do and shame on your wife for not advising against the horrible idea of you “fat shaming”.
Maybe the real problem is you’re just an uptight asshole. In that case, you and your wife aren’t doing it right. My advise: pop in a porn and start taking notes because sex releases endorphins and. . .
On a more serious note, Louder with Crowder, it’s bad enough that a lot of women look at themselves naked in the mirror and don’t really like what they see. That every bad thing they believe about themselves is being said by some asshole who has no clue what it’s like to have a vagina. I could use this perfect opportunity to call you, Mr. Crowder, a giant pussy, but that’s an insult to every pussy out there. Let me remind you that the women you call “fat feminists” and you label “not brave”: These women have probably given birth to more than one child and it’s their body that has made the sacrifice in providing a family, it’s these women that are so busy doing for everyone around them that they just don’t have the time to do for themselves, and let’s not forget the fact that once a month they most likely want to stab someone in the neck, but since prison most likely doesn’t provide Netflix, they settle on ice cream and chocolate instead.
You’re allowed to believe that Amy Schumer is not funny (even though I highly disagree), you’re allowed to not fall in line with her way of politics (which I believe is the root of your blog post), you’re even allowed to think that she is fat, but you’re not allowed to take something that regardless of your beliefs, is brave and poison it. It does take courage, no matter your size or shape, to have someone photograph you practically nude and put it out there for the world to see. This is more than just a celebrity posing partially nude, this is about a message and that message is different for every woman who looks at that picture. J.K Rowling said:
Is fat really the worst thing a human being can be? Is fat worse than vindictive, jealous, shallow, vain, boring, evil, or cruel? Not to me.
Weight can be lost, being ugly on the inside can’t be fixed. For someone who saved himself for marriage (very admirable) because of his Godly ways and uses his Christianity in his platform and for promotion (which is not a bad thing), you had the chance to really show people what being a Christian is about and you blew it. Way to go!
**On a side note, I’m well aware that Amy Schumer doesn’t have children, I was just making a point.
**On another side note, if you are interested in the article that got this BXTCH all riled up, check it out, here.