It’s All About the Swirl, Baby!

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BXTCHES Gotta Warn: Lots of foul language and possibly some very inappropriate talk went in to the writing of this post. If this offends you, I’m not too sure what to say, I have a foul mouth and recent studies show that people who swear a lot tend to be more honest, loyal, and upfront with their friends. Look it up. And in the interest of full disclosure, I should probably preface this post with the following:

  1. I am a white woman.
  2. My husband is a black man.
  3. We have been a happily married interracial couple for 16 years (together for almost 21 years).
  4. We have 3 very beautiful children that happen to be the result of our crazy interracial sex.

I also happen to be a very opinionated woman, it’s truly a gift that I really don’t think too many people appreciate. My husband and I have had many conversations that surround interracial relationships and several months ago, I mentioned to my husband that I was thinking about writing a post about that particular subject. His response was “Are you sure you want to do that?”, thinking I was going to open a can of worms. So, I put it off, still not too sure exactly how I wanted to put my thoughts into words, then my husband did something that pushed me right into the arms of this post. He tagged me on Facebook, requesting that I read an article titled: “The Black Hat: 10 Reasons Why Black Men Shouldn’t Date White Women” by Cory Haywood (link to article below). And why shouldn’t I read it, right? Based on the title alone, I figured I would be reading an award worthy article that would change my life forever. I also knew prior to even cracking open that article that I was going to be pissed and since I needed to re-read it for the sake of this post, I’m now even more pissed. 

I’m not out to upset anyone, except maybe the guy that wrote the article. I have read many articles/arguments over the years that address the black man/white woman issue and I can usually read them with somewhat of an open mind and even see all realms of the argument. However, this fucker made me throw some of my good reason right out of the window. 

He opens his article with this very convincing statement:

Hey, fellas. Here’s some advice about dating white women: Don’t for a single moment forget that you are a black male breaking a cardinal rule by putting your black n*gger hands on superior white flesh.

I know what you’re thinking, “Holy shit, I need to sit down for this one, this man is about to move me to tears”, and he may, except they’re going to be tears of anger and frustration. He goes on to say that the white man will not tolerate his daughter in the bed of a black man and will definitely not accept the two being married unless the black man in question will be earning over six figures and can dunk a basketball. Well FUCK ME! My dad must’ve pimped me out to the wrong “Breaking Black Cardinal Rules” house. Unless. . .all of those comparisons people made between my husband and Popeye Jones were true and they are one in the same, then I have been married to someone who CAN dunk a basketball for all of these years AND someone who has been hiding all of that NBA cash. I know Popeye Jones was no Kobe, but c’mon NBA cash is NBA cash. I mean, I am pretty sure that was the first box checked when my dad was trying to marry me off: Can you dunk a basketball? Yes. Then I have the white girl just for you. NOTE TO HUSBAND: I’m just joking, you look NOTHING like Popeye Jones and if we’re keeping tabs, I’m probably more likely to dunk a basketball before you. Mark one down for the white woman.

There’s an awful lot of crazy talk at this point in the article. Something like white women are like unicorns (why thank you, sir and you are like a jackass) and they’re status symbols in society, which is why black men want to be seen with one. I’m trying to come up with where I fall among the rungs of the “Arlington Society” ladder and I’m having trouble coming up with my title. I do make some delicious cookies though, so maybe I’m not using that angle enough. I could be hobnobbing with some great members of this society in which Mr. Haywood speaks of if I could just figure out how to play that deck of cards. NOTE TO HUSBAND: I’m sorry about this one honey, you may have actually married down, you should’ve read “The Cardinal Rules” first.

Did you know that when a white woman dates a black man that she is actually looking for the “Super N****R” (I apologize for the word, but I’m just quoting the great Cory Haywood here), I do believe that this is a Super Hero who possesses 3 luxuries. Get your pen and paper ready, these are some good ones:

  1. A Big Penis. Ahhh, the infamous big black penis. A note to Mr. Haywood, us white women prefer big black cocks, a real man (black or otherwise) graduates to a cock once he knows how to use it. Penis’ are for boys.
  2. Gobs of Cash. You got me here. I think everyone would like to have gobs of cash, but I’m not so shallow that I would use that as my reason to date or not date someone. My husband was a line cook in a restaurant when we met and he was certainly not the owner, so the cash wasn’t pouring in and I still let him crawl into my bed. NOTE TO SELF: Dammit, have some standards, always ask to see the bank balance first. What in the hell was I thinking?
  3. Gorilla Strength. To protect of course. I’ve been in more fights in my life than my husband has. Now, mine were mostly with my siblings, but let me fly my Ronda Rousey flag just for a minute. We were beefing over some serious shit back in the day, like who took my Sylvia poster down off of my door OR who loves NKOTB more? NOTE TO HUSBAND: Don’t worry baby, I got your back.

He then goes on to inform you black fellas that it’s bad enough that you. . .intentionally date outside of your race. As opposed to accidentally dating outside the black race. Hon, you did know I was white when we first went out, right? I didn’t “Rachel Dolezal” you did I? Back in 1994, I did have some serious sun kissed skin and fantastic curly hair, I didn’t mean to deceive. Oh well, too fucking bad, you’re stuck with me now!

To my husband, you are not to be fooled that I’m in this for the long haul, ehhh. . .20 years, 2 years, it’s all the same. And in case you were wondering, the only reason ANY white woman would have children with a black man is in the hopes of passing down your fantastic basketball dunking skills to our kiddos. Well, the only way my kid is going to do wonderful things with a basketball (at this point anyhow) is through the Wii. His skills are more of the intellectual kind. Is this the only redeemable trait that this idiot thinks black men have? 

There are 10 points that I can guess are his serious reasons as to why the black man needs to stay away from the white woman. Some are true gems, these are my favorites:

No matter how gentle you may seem, white women will always be afraid of black men.

I’m not sure what context this was meant to be taken in. I know lots of black men, I’ve never once been scared of them. But, maybe he’s talking about black strangers. Well, I’ve never moved to the other side of the elevator or the other side of the street when my “black man radar” has gone off. But, maybe he’s referring to the bedroom. Well, then this doesn’t apply to me, I don’t like it gentle.

White women don’t age well.

To that I say to Mr. Haywood, Fuck You! I don’t look a day over 30!

AND the winner, the one reason that a black man should NEVER be seen with a white woman on your arm is this:

Why date a white girl when you can be with a sister who looks like Nicki Minaj?

Okay, well I seriously cannot argue with that logic. 

Getting serious for a minute. Truth is this. I wasn’t raised to date outside my race. In fact, it was made very clear to me growing up, that it was wrong and if I chose that path, I would be disowned. Pretty drastic, huh? And I can’t speak on behalf of other white women when it comes to their black men. Nor can I speak on behalf of other interracial couples. My experience is with my own relationship. But I don’t think that I “took” anyone from anybody, he was readily available when I sunk my teeth in. When I met my husband, him being black isn’t what pulled me in, it was just him. I can guarantee you that I didn’t date and eventually marry someone for life to “piss off daddy”. I have never been someone who only dates black men, in my opinion, that’s just as racist as someone saying they wouldn’t date someone because they were black. And as cliché as it sounds, it wasn’t about race, I truly believe that we were two people who were meant to be together. I don’t look at my husband and see a black man, I look at him and see my husband. So, if my marriage offends you, I don’t give a fuck. And if you’re having problems finding your other half, my guess, the color of their skin has nothing to do with it, however, you should probably open up your mind a little, it’s amazing what you can let in. 

As for you Mr. Haywood, I can only guess that you haven’t had much success when it comes to relationships, I’m going to go even further and say that you may have tried your luck with the “white woman” and maybe you were shot down, maybe she was a racist bitch who doesn’t deserve you anyway, all of which led you to actually believe the gibberish you spewed, which shows an underlying anti-woman issue you obviously have, but let me leave you with some advice from a woman: We only like our dicks big in the bedroom. A treasured woman can have you experiencing Heaven like you never thought possible, a woman scorned can show you a Hell like you’ve never known. Pick wisely.

If you would like to experience this award winning (well, I can only assume) article for yourself, click here.

If you thought Mr. Haywood was only down to attacking the black man/white woman relationship, you’re gonna be let down. Check out another “award winning” article titled: Hey Sisters, Feel Free to Pursue White Men, They Don’t Want You Anyway, here.

If anything, click just for the portrayal of interracial love through pictures, they are fantastic!

 

Merrie Musings Pic

 

 

 

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