BXTCHES Gotta Warn: For those who may not have been following this story, the verdict in the New Hampshire Prep School rape case came in. Now, really I’ve only been reading about this story when updated information would come through on my Facebook feed. But, in case you have no idea what I’m even talking about, let me give you a rundown:
- At the time of the assault, the accuser was a 15 year old freshman, the accused was an 18 year old senior.
- There was semen and sperm found on the underwear of the accuser and some of the biological material found on the underwear matched the DNA of the accused. No evidence of sperm was found in the cervix of the accuser.
- This all takes place during “Senior Salute”, allegedly a tradition at the prestigious boarding school. According to different reports, during “Senior Salute”, seniors try to have sexual encounters with as many underclassman as possible prior to graduation.
- According to the testimony of the accuser, she willingly accompanied the accused to a machine room where they consensually kissed. It was when he began to grope her that she objected. He penetrated her with his fingers, then proceeded to rape her. She claims that while she did not kick and scream, she did say “no”.
- According to the testimony of the accused, there was no intercourse. They did remove their clothes (all but underwear), but while he went to put on a condom, he had a moment of clarity and realized that having intercourse with the young lady would be a bad idea.
- After the incident, there were back and forth messages between the two students that were friendly in nature. In fact, in one of the messages, the accuser asks the accused: “Did you use a condom?”, to which he replied: “Are you on the pill? I think you’re OK. I put it on halfway through”. It should also be noted, that the accused did brag to friends about having sex with the 15 year and he also deleted 119 Facebook messages, including one that he claims he “pulled every trick in the book” to have sex with the girl. It was during his testimony that he admitted to lying to his friends regarding having sex with the young lady.
Obviously that is not every detail. There were a lot of charges being brought against the accused, but he was acquitted of the most serious, (3) counts of felony rape. Guilty verdicts were issued for the charges of: (3) counts of misdemeanor sexual assault, using a computer to lure a minor for sex and child endangerment. He faces prison time (sentencing is in October) and will have to register as a sex offender for the remainder of his life and while it hasn’t been said yet, one can only assume that he is going to lose his full scholarship to Harvard. For more information regarding this story, click here.
When I first read that he was acquitted of the felony rape charge, I was pissed. I may have even sworn a little (okay, a lot) out loud. My 16 year old daughter was with me and was curious about the case, so I filled her in. It was in that moment that I had a little bit of clarity. I went from being furious to trying to find my compassion for the accused, yes, I said the accused. But before you start going apeshit on me, hear me out. And no worries, my compassion was never lacking for the young girl.
So, I ask you: Where does the responsibility lie? Do we say that the boy should’ve known better? I mean, c’mon the girl was 15, shouldn’t any 18 year old know that a 15 year old is off limits? Or do we say that the girl went up to the attic knowing what was expected? She knew what “Senior Salute” was and everything that it entailed. Do we believe the defense? That everything was consensual and it was only when people found out that she got embarrassed and made up the story about rape. Only two people truly know what happened in that attic on that night and their stories are not exactly matching up.
So, my question now is this: When are we going to stand as a society and start demanding that sex education be taught differently? We are constantly thrusting the latest technology into the hands of our youth without consequence and without providing some sort of responsible education. We refuse to “sex educate” instead we insist on “abstinence only”, even though study after study shows that abstinence only does not work. I’m going to take a walk on a thin line and wonder this: maybe, just maybe, if we took the time to educate properly, then incidents such as the one above, doesn’t happen. Because one thing is for sure, what we are currently dishing out, is not working.
Let’s think out loud. I don’t know whether or not this young man forced himself onto a 15 year old girl and decided to rape her. But, for this argument, I’m going to give him the benefit of doubt. Let’s assume his story is the true story. How different does that night play out if just maybe he understood what the consequences would be for his actions. What if we began to educate our youth, in a real conversation on what happens when you engage in sexual activity online OR what happens when you engage in sexual activities with an underclassmen OR that no means no and even if your penis has penetrated her vagina and she then says NO, you abort your mission, because to continue would be rape. What if teens heard stories of how lives were ruined just because of one mistake that someone made at 18 years old. Do we even teach the age of consent? Does the accused still go through with that night? Do we really believe that he or anyone for that matter, would risk what looks like a very promising future for a quick orgasm? If he truly understood what the consequences of his action could be, does he make the same choices?
Now this is where you would probably expect me to look at the argument from the accusers POV. Well, this BXTCH is about to disappoint and here’s why. As a society we constantly insinuate that the female did something to provoke. It was somehow her fault. Doesn’t the defense in rape cases usually bring up the victims sexual history? Once a slut, right? Here’s the thing, she admits to willingly accompanying him to the attic, she admits to kissing him, it is when he begins to grope her (he did leave bruises on her breasts) that she begins to object. Even if her intentions were to have sex, isn’t she entitled to change her mind? My standpoint is that a female shouldn’t have to “prevent herself” from being raped, regardless of how far into the act they are.
Maybe I’m being too generous, but I don’t believe that this young man set out to intentionally hurt this girl or that he’s even a bad guy. In my gut, I think intercourse happened and I certainly don’t believe his version of “thinking it was a bad idea” once he put the condom on. He’s still a teenager with a raging hard on and the sole purpose of that night was to get laid. AND, he told people it happened, including the girl, but I also understand fear and his need to tell a lie. But what if that scenario became part of the dialogue. What if we informed young men that there may be times when you feel like your dick is going to explode and right when you’re ready to go to happy town, the young lady changes her mind and decides to close up shop. What on Earth do you do and what will the consequences be if you ignore her telling you “no”. Dads, are we teaching our young men that it’s okay to rub one out? And while you’re dick may be angry for not getting a piece, you’re ass is going to be thankful, because you’ve just kept it out of jail and out of a whole other set of problems.
We as parents and as a society have got to teach our young men that it is THEIR responsibility to not commit sexual assault. And before anyone gets all “what about the girls” on me, I do believe that our young ladies need to hold themselves to a certain standard, but really I don’t care if a female is having a train ran on her in front of the entire frat house and decides the next night that she doesn’t want to put out, her moral compass may be leading her wrong, but she is allowed to say NO. And when a young lady wakes up and is nude and can feel that something happened but can’t remember, as a society we respond with, “she should’ve been more careful” or “she’s the one who got trashed” or “she was all over him” and use that to justify any sort of assault, and now we are perpetuating the problem. If I decided to strip down to nothing (I won’t because it wouldn’t be pretty) and grind my “lady” all over some guys hard dick while shoving the “girls” in his face and right when he’s ready to take it further I say NO, that is my right. It certainly makes me a major bitch, but I don’t deserve to get raped for it. Check the news, there are constant reports on our college campuses regarding sexual assault and nothing is being done about it. We need to Billie Jean (as in The Legend Of) this moment and take a stand for our youth. Not just the ladies, but for these young men who are ruining their lives because they’re not being educated.
According to the White House Task Force to Protect Students from Sexual Assault: ONE IN FIVE college students will experience sexual assault during their college career. The ACLU estimates that 95% of campus rapes go unreported.
Ultimately the responsibility for sex education falls to the parents. In my home, we discuss it very openly, that doesn’t necessarily mean our children are going to make responsible decisions all of the time regarding sex, but they will make the decision with the correct knowledge. However, I do feel that the schools have a responsibility as well. They can teach what age of consent means, they can teach sexting laws, they can teach about child pornography and what it means to be in possession of it, they can teach about sex and social media, but most importantly, they can teach what the word “NO” means.
I’m going to leave you with this picture. This was started by a German teen in an effort to speak out against rape:
For full story, click here.