The Bachelor 2019 | Season Finale Re-Cap | 03.12.19

The Bachelor Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

BXTCHES Gotta Warn: Nothing about this finale went along the traditional Bachelor lines, so I figured this re-cap should stray as well. I think it’s best for me to just dive in and give you my thoughts. So be warned, this could very well turn into one very long run on sentence.

Last Week: The only thing we were really stoked to see (or at least thought we were) was Colton jumping the fence and even though it didn’t disappoint, the conclusion of his dramatic getaway is just part one of the finale. But I would be doing a disservice if I didn’t bring up Colton’s declaration to Cassie, which all but eliminated Hannah and Tayshia from the running of “Who Get’s to Fuck Colton First”. Oh, and Cassie left, breaking things off with Colton. ABC really knows how to throw all the drama into one episode.

Tonight: For once, we had no idea what was gonna go down. The only thing we knew for certain was that Colton was missing and the hunt was on to locate him.

After Colton jumps the fence, Chris decided instead of jumping, he would just open the fence and head out on the hunt. I’m not sure how much was edited, but it took them an awful long time to locate Colton, who was just walking on the side of the road. Even though he did proclaim to be done with the show, after sleeping on the events he decided that it wouldn’t be fair to Tayshia or Hannah to just leave them hanging. He also had an epiphany of sorts. He felt that one of the reasons Cassie decided to walk was because he was still in relationships with two other women, not a bad conclusion to come to. This leads to him deciding to cut things off with Tayshia and Hannah, not only because it’s the right thing to do, but also because his heart is in another’s hands. And let’s not forget, there was no way in hell he could pick either of them at this point, not after he basically told Cassie that it’s her. . .it’s always been her. . . it’s always gonna be her. 

Tayshia is up first and as can be predicted, she is super excited when Colton knocks on her door. That excitement is quickly extinguished. Once Colton begins, she realizes that this is not headed in a way that favors her. I mean he does tell her that he is in love with Cassie and his heart cannot be in love with two people, which is when she requests to move the convo inside sans cameras. Of course, they both either forget or don’t care that they still are mic’d up, which means we get to hear everything. While I may not be Tayshia’s biggest fan, this news was not only shocking, but it clearly hurt her to hear and hurt him to have to deliver. In fact, it was more of her consoling him than him consoling her. The live portion of the finale was interspersed throughout the show and Tayshia was first up in the hot seat, which allowed her to confront Colton and ask any questions she feels were left unanswered.

I think it needs to be mentioned how stunning Tayshia looked on the live show. She did say that when she heard a knock on the door, she was hoping it was Colton, but it didn’t take long for her to realize that he was not there to deliver good news. She does admit that the breakup was hard, especially considering the connection that she believed they had, but it was his journey to find love and in the end, that is what was important. She does get her time with Colton which she uses to ask him what it was that was missing in their relationship. His answer wasn’t as concrete as she probably wanted it to be, he says that he tried to be as open with each relationship for as long as he could, but there came a time when he was all in with Cassie and it wasn’t anything that his relationship with Tayshia was lacking, it was him giving his heart over to Cassie. She does admit that it helped watching everything back, which I’m assuming is what gave her the closure she needed. She didn’t appear heartbroken and wished Colton the best. I’m sure this isn’t the last time we see Tayshia, Paradise will most likely have her name all over it.

Now Colton needs to break things off with Hannah, who hasn’t even had her Fantasy Suite date yet, little does she know she won’t be getting it either. Prior to Colton knocking on her door, we’re getting her confessionals and she’s just going on and on about how excited she is about their date and how she’s ready to tell Colton that she loves him. . .I have no idea when the confessionals were filmed, it could’ve been before Cassie was knighted Colton’s forever and I get the need for dramatic entertainment, but can we realize that when this shit is coming at the expense of not only someone’s pride but their self esteem as well, we should probably shut it down. There was no need to air that, Colton coming in and breaking up with her was enough of a slap in her face, there was no need to continue the abuse. When Colton shows up, Hannah is all about it and it doesn’t help when Colton starts the conversation by telling her how she has been his rock and has always been there to pick him up when he needed it. He then tells her that he can’t be in love with two people. . .all the while Hannah is looking like she thinks he’s about to put a ring on it. . .then he tells her that he is in love with Cassie and all the dreams of Holy Matrimony fall immediately from her face and you need zero confirmation as to where her head WAS when she tells him that she did not expect him to say that. She tells him that she thought for sure it was gonna be just them two in the end and when he tells her that she has helped him so much and she has made him a better person, she responds with “That’s what I do, I make everybody better and they don’t want to stick around.” She admits to being embarrassed and regrets opening herself up. I think it’s fair to say that this breakup isn’t going as well as Tayshia’s because Hannah is no where near ready to console Colton. He hits the nail right on the head when he tells her that she doesn’t deserve to be anyone’s backup plan or second choice, which is when she should’ve responded with “You’re right motherfucker, it’s time for me to go.” Unfortunately, I think she would’ve been okay with being his fallback fiancé.

It’s worth noting that during both breakups, Colton never mentioned that Cassie had broken things off and left.

Now it ‘s Hannah’s turn to confront Colton and before we go there, it’s important to note that The Bachelor films from about September to November. . .it is now March, just keep that timeline in mind. Chris starts by asking her what she was thinking when Colton showed up. She had no idea that he had already been on dates with the other two and she genuinely believed that he was showing up with news of forever. She goes on to say that she allowed herself to be vulnerable and feel love because she thought he felt the exact same and made her believe it and the fact that he didn’t even want to give it a shot made things that much harder. This is when the Ya-Ya needed to come together and shout “YOU ARE NEVER MEANT TO BE A BACKUP!” You are either his number one or he has got to go. Which is what he told her, so I’m confused on why she still wanted him to give them a chance. She says she still doesn’t have the closure she needs, which after watching the Cassie date I’m not sure how that’s even possible, that episode should’ve given closure for every single contestant on the show, but she claims that after watching everything back she’s even more confused. I’m thinking her DVR must’ve skipped an episode because there is no way that anyone watching that episode didn’t know what his heart, mind, and dick were set on. Things do begin to look up when she says that she is no longer in love with him, I’m not sure I believe it, but what’s important is that she does. Clearly this is a season of contestants who have actually never seen a single episode of The Bachelor. Her frustration is coming from her falling in love with him and him telling her basically the same thing and him asking her to trust him each time they were together. She thought because he asked her dad for a blessing, then for sure she was gonna be the one he dropped down to one knee for. I think that she is more upset over the fact that she didn’t even get a Fantasy Suite date and believes that if she had, things would be different. She says that he told her it was gonna be them in the end, if he did, it was edited out because I don’t recall him ever saying that. Chris asks Colton if he ever considered having the overnight date with Hannah to which he responds with “No”. She does end things by telling him that she is happy for him. 

We end part one with Colton knocking on Cassie’s door.

This part isn’t gonna take nearly as long. Can you guess how part two begins. . .with Cassie answering the door. Colton takes her outside for an opportunity to have a chat, which is where he tells her that he has ended things with Tayshia and Hannah and it’s only her and him left. He asks her to give them a chance and to take the relationship slowly, one day at a time. And by slowly, it’s time for her them to jet to Spain to meet his family.

This meeting was not comfortable for anyone involved expect maybe Colton. His family was skeptical about a girl who had already told him no. They were skeptical about a girl who left him, knowing how he felt about her. They were skeptical about a girl who went onto a show to find her happily ever after, just to tell the guy that she wasn’t sure if she could get there. They were worried about Colton being way more in love with Cassie, then Cassie was with him. Colton spoke with both parents and never wavered, he made it very clear that he was all in and if it didn’t work in the end, then it didn’t work. 

If its fur is cute-n-tiny.com getting viagra in australia less glossy and looks less maintained than before. Men suffering from erectile dysfunction have a greater concentration of PDE-5 enzymes in their body that blocks cGMP from working properly. viagra generico 5mg Physicians often suggest men to try out some of the most sophisticated pop-up blockers on the market – for free! Make screen cluttering pop-ups a thing of the past by installing a pop-up blocker right purchase levitra away. – You enter a webpage, and suddenly your window is filled with a myriad of protocols for the treatment of various dyfunctions. Certain rehabilitation centers can be approached and requested for levitra no prescription look these up in-home therapies than venturing outdoors. For reasons unknown to me, the show decided to re-do Cassie’s Fantasy Suite date. In my opinion, they should’ve just let them loose for a couple of days and see where that road was gonna take them. But I do understand that by redoing the date, there was no stress involved. . .to an extent. It was obvious there was no tension because there was no other contestants left. The only stress was whether or not Cassie was gonna be all in. The Fantasy Suite invite was offered and accepted and Colton made it crystal clear that if the situation felt right, then he was ready to not only be all in emotionally but physically as well. We can all speculate on whether or not Colton was introduced to Cassie in a brand new way during their overnight, but no confirmation was given.

In the end, it was Cassie. . .it was always Cassie. . .and it’s probably always gonna be Cassie.

Let’s start with Hannah. I’m not sure where her mother or girlfriends were when she came back from this mess, but someone somewhere should’ve told her that it should never take you longer to get over a relationship than the actual duration of the relationship. Her breakup was at the end of November and it’s now mid March and she is still having some emotional issues regarding Colton. I’m not trying to be insensitive, but she needs to get it together. She claims that she is no longer in love with him, which is the right answer, I just don’t think it was her right answer. She was living in a world where Colton was dating only her and she was lucky enough to have it filmed. We could all see the chemistry he had with Cassie, they all talked about it, so for her to really believe that what he had with her was above and beyond what he had with anyone else is just naive and if she is someone who had previously seen the show, then she should know better. 

One more thing about Hannah. Did anyone else catch it when she said that she allowed herself to feel the love and emotions that come with it because she thought Colton was in the same place. That’s almost the equivalent of confessing your “love” just to get them into bed or saying “I love you” because they proclaimed it first. You love because you love. . .that’s it. No strings, no agenda, no prerequisite. . .just love because you feel it.

The idea that love is hard has got to go away. Love isn’t hard. . .you love your parents. . .you love your pets. . .you love your siblings. . .you love your friends. . .it’s not the love that’s hard or scary, it’s the forever that brings the fear. However, the majority of the contestants on this show, at least the ones that are featured, come from loving homes with both parents. That alone should give them somewhat of a steady foundation, yet there’s a constant cry on how hard love is. Forever in any fashion is scary, but I also think it’s the ideal of failure that brings trepidation. Think about it, the pressure to propose to someone added to the pressure of that someone saying yes, plus the odds being stacked against you that the relationship will actually make it down the aisle and do so with success is enough to have anyone second guessing. BUT, if that’s gonna be the case, don’t go on the show. If you don’t have a ton of experience with semi long term relationships, don’t go on the show. If you don’t really believe in the idea of marriage, don’t go on the show. The only way a relationship coming out of a show like this will work is to be all in, without hangups and being able to accept that the love and forever needs to be more important than the need for fame.

I had Cassie picked pretty early on. The chemistry her and Colton had was on fire and didn’t appear to be fake. But, I believed her when she fought against the idea that she wasn’t ready for marriage OR that she was just interested in becoming the next Bachelorette. Although I believe that she is all in right now, after seeing the finale, clearly she wasn’t always. When she went on the picnic with Colton and told him that her fear comes from the possibility of losing her identity when she takes the step of commitment, I wasn’t buying it. I guess I should say that I wasn’t buying her story that being in a relationship is what brought on these fears. One relationship doesn’t brew that fear. If that fear is legitimate, it’s because it’s what she has seen her whole life. . .her parents. Just something to think about. 

Also, I’m not propelling down a jagged rock formation to get to a picnic, just to symbolize how difficult love can be (which we have already discussed). Fuck that, I’ve been married for 20 years, I love him to the core of my soul, that’s not hard. What’s hard is being able to resist the urge to punch him in the throat when the snoring gets out of hand. 

I know where a lot of people’s thoughts were on Colton or probably still are. We can disagree on whether or not Colton was a virgin, I say ‘was’, because we all know that has now been checked off the list. We can even disagree on the way Colton came to be the next Bachelor. But I think one thing we can agree on is how the show ended. I’m usually pretty cynical when it comes to this show. While I think a speedy relationship/courtship is possible, I don’t know if it is when one person is dating many. It’s believed that for a show of this nature to be successful, a proposal has to happen. However, I think Colton writing his own rules proved that the audience is okay with a proposal not happening, we are more interested in the journey. The majority of the viewing audience are female, we want the love story, even if some believe it’s fictional. But more than that, we want to see the flaws. It’s important for us to know that even the beautiful people stagger. I would much rather Colton’s way of finding love than supporting an engagement that’s gonna end when the real world settles in. That’s your show. . .no worries, you can still call it The Bachelor.

From this moment forward, NO MORE VIRGINS. I cannot handle the constant talk and wonderment, but what I really had a hard time with was the panel that Chris Harrison assembled to discuss whether or not Colton did or didn’t. More than just being inappropriate, it was weird as fuck and made even me uncomfortable and talking about sex is my happy place. 

We can’t end this season without talking about the new Bachelorette. Alabama Hannah is the newest member of a very elite sorority. I am okay with this pick, but only based on the entertainment it will bring us every Monday. I’m not 100% sold on her ability to continue the relationship success that the Bachelorette franchise is capable of. Once again, Hannah was able to meet some of her potential suitors on the live show, which is where the first question of her viability was raised. Clearly she was nervous, which is strange for a beauty queen. She was funny, but her awkwardness was more uncomfortable, almost painful, than it was cute. And I will add that after seeing the list of suitors (ABC has made the 30+ men public), we are clearly running out of hot men in this country.

See you BXTCHES in May.

 

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The Bachelor 2019 | Episode Nine | 03.04.19

The Bachelor Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

The Bachelor Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

BXTCHES Gotta Warn: I have to admit that I did not watch on Monday and here I sit on Tuesday night about to go at it. However, I did cave and ask my sister what exactly went down, since this was the episode that Colton jumped the fence and went missing. Truth be told, this BXTCH is feeling a bit depressed after being told what happened. Also, tonight was the Women Tell All, which is usually just a bunch of contestants screaming over one another while asking The Bachelor what exactly it was they were lacking to be a blushing bride. Oh, and it’s also an obvious audition for the next season of Paradise, so make your choices.

Last WeekSince I’m a shit liar, I haven’t watched the Hometown episode yet. . .well, actually I started it and got halfway through Caelynn’s meet and greet, but I do know that Caelynn was left in the dust.

TonightIt’s the Fantasy Suites and hopefully the question of “Will he?” or “Won’t he?” finally get answered. 

We kick things off with Colton going to Chris to talk about the birds and the bees or more specific, the Fantasy Suites and what Colton’s expectations are going in. In case you’re wondering, there is no plan on when he is going to lose his virginity. Though he would prefer for it to be more spontaneous than planned. Also, if he feels like he is in love and that love is reciprocated, then he is ready to make some dreams come true.

The fantasies this week will come alive in Algarve, Portugal. . .don’t worry we’re not the only ones who have never heard of this region of Portugal, but it appears to be beautiful as fuck, so you may want to add it to a bucket list. 

It’s no secret (or maybe it is) that Tayshia is not my fave. In the beginning I thought she was a great fit, however, now I think she is one of the women who have ulterior motives. Not only was she previously married (which I do not hold against her), but she allegedly broke up with what appears to be her fiancé the day before she left to film the show. . .so there’s a whole trough of things I find questionable. But it’s not up to me, it’s up to Colton. . .

A helicopter is the transport of choice to sight see around Algarve. Colton does confess to the camera that he is falling in love with her and she all but admitted her feelings way back when. Colton makes it clear in his confessional that if he feels that Tayshia is his person, then he will consider taking that all important step. It should be said that if he does feel that she is the one and decides to take this date in between the sheets, then this is not going to bode well for Hannah or Cassie.

A picnic on the beach sparks up a conversation about the hometown and Tayshia’s family. She made it clear that her dad never would’ve given Colton his blessing if he didn’t see something in Colton. . .this is the time where I drop a subtle reminder.

The Bachelor 2019 | Episode Seven Re-Cap | Tayshia Adams Ex-Boyfriend | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Once again, please pay close attention to the hashtags. If Colton ends up on one knee in front of her and she accepts, then this will be engagement #3. . .at 28 years old. Not that I have anything against how Tayshia lives her life, but if I were to Dr. Phil this situation, I would say that she is definitely someone who struggles with commitment. I will throw this in there. If you are looking to have someone fall in love with you and they’re right on the cusp, then seek out ABC because those motherfuckers know how to get the heart fluttering. I’ve been married for 20 years and even I’m getting pissed that my husband has never had the forethought of taking me to Algarve and I’ve never even heard of the place prior to this episode. Well played ABC. . .well played.

Dinner starts with a very near awkward wardrobe malfunction, which involved Tayshia’s breast. The discussion switched to serious as Colton thanked her for her hometown and then the topic of sex and the importance of intimacy in a relationship is brought up. We learn that Tayshia’s ex husband was her first and about a year and half into her marriage, her husband cheated. Sidebar #1: I have no idea if this is true or false. However, according to previous episodes (see episode #4), she claims she was married and divorced within a year and a half. Also, why hasn’t this come up before? It was episode #4 when she had her first one-on-one and confessed to the camera that she was falling in love, if that’s the case, then this tidbit is a pretty important detail. Now, it could also be I’m a bit of a bitch and am trying to find flaws in everything Tayshia puts out. I’m not saying that’s the case, I’m merely giving you an option. He does make a promise to always be truthful and does let her know that if she is the one, he will never cheat. The Fantasy Suite offer is extended and accepted. 

During Colton’s confessional, he does confirm what I have been saying FOREVER, which is, he’s been very close to penetration and he’s pretty much done everything else. Even though I have said it and believe it, he has made it hard (no pun intended) to confirm with how awkward he can be. The only thing he has yet to do is masturbate using a vagina and tricks aren’t usually required in the beginning stages of a relationship. The question never was. . .could Colton fuck? The questions should’ve always been. . .what kind of oral skills does he possess?. . .does he know what a clit is and where it’s located?. . .does he know anything at all about the g-spot? Now these aren’t questions I need to know the answers to, but they are definitely questions the ladies deserve to either have answered during a conversation or answered during other forms of communication. 

Colton most certainly was wearing a smile the next morning but no sex was had. I’m low key hoping that Tayshia discussed the amount of debt she was left with from her marriage, but that’s probably not the intimacy she was so happy about them sharing. In case you were wondering, Tayshia did confess her love and Colton admits to the camera that while he is falling in love with her, he is not in love with her.


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This date begins with a road trip through Portugal, which is much more intimate than a helicopter ride. So far, so good. Lunch and shopping and just making their way through the streets are on the agenda. During Colton’s one-on-one time with the camera, he all but says that Cassie is the one he wants in the end and even though a lot of their time was awkwardly adorable, you can’t deny the chemistry that they have with one another. He even tells the camera that Cassie makes him complete and he drops hints that Cassie may be the one that he turns everything over to in the bedroom. 

Cassie is pretty up front in her confessional. The only thing she wishes for is more time. She doesn’t want to rush into telling him she loves him, though I think she’s already there, she is looking to be sure that her feelings are genuine. Conversation starts up about Cassie and her family. It doesn’t take long for her dad to be brought up and she tells Colton that her dad’s biggest concern about the whole experience is the quickness in which one will commit their forever to the other and if she is ready for that. Colton lets her know that her dad didn’t give him his blessing, which was not something Cassie expected to hear. She thought she left her hometown with her family putting their trust in her and her decision. Colton lets her know that him not getting a blessing does not change the way he feels about her and does not discourage him. While Cassie was shocked, she is also disappointed that Colton didn’t tell her when it went down. Sidebar #2: Cassie is genuinely upset that her dad didn’t bless this could be engagement and maybe I have never been one to place my future happiness solely in the hands of my family’s opinions, but this would be the time for someone to shout to our girl. . .”Fuck your family!”. . .even if it doesn’t work out and they have the opportunity to say “I told you so.”, who cares. The only way anyone in life is gonna figure out what makes them happy, is to just do it. You can’t live life on the cusp of what if’s. 

So in grand ABC fashion, Cassie’s dad shows up, which was clearly planned or he wouldn’t have had a camera waiting for him. Also, how did he know exactly where she was staying? He tells the camera that he is worried about a potential engagement because your commitment to marriage should only be second to your commitment to God. Sidebar #3: I’m gonna probably need Jesus to take the wheel for this convo. I don’t wanna knock anyone’s faith or their dedication to the Homeboy above BUT if your conviction to the Word is so strong that you decide to fly half way around the world to impart wisdom on your child, then you failed somewhere in her upbringing. First, if your beliefs are what drive you, then you would’ve stressed how God ain’t sitting up on a throne wondering how his fantasy league is going. This isn’t The Bachelor season one, we are well into this thing, you should already know the process and when your daughter, who clearly values your opinion, comes to you to tell you that she’s in the running, then cut that shit off and tell her that it’s not gonna happen. If you didn’t think she would make it as far as she has, then shame on you for not knowing what a precious stone your daughter is, but you also could’ve made it crystal clear during the hometown dates and not given her any reason to think that she has your blessing. I’m hoping this is some sort of ploy to drum up some drama, because otherwise this is some bullshit and you, daddy-o, should be ashamed.

Dad claims that Cassie doesn’t look like she is in love and when she asks him about not giving his blessing, he says that, that is not something he can do after just a 30 minute conversation. Which, I get. . .however this is not a normal courtship and you knew that this day could potentially be a possibility. He asks her if she loves Colton, which she replies that she does, though not very convincing. She is clearly conflicted and wishes that she had more time. She doesn’t want her relationship with Colton to end, but isn’t sure if she’s ready to accept a proposal. Her dad then tells her that there shouldn’t be hesitation when you meet the one you want to spend your life with. Which is when I want to scream that he’s the one putting the idea of conflict into her head. He wanted more of a parade of love when she showed up for hometowns, which is where his skepticism is coming from. And while I agree that love cannot be forced, this situation is far from traditional and it’s very rare that after about six weeks of dating a guy, who happens to be dating multiple women, you bring him home in hopes for a martial blessing from your family. Again, if this is how the family feels, it’s a conversation that needed to be had BEFORE Cassie went onto the show. And fuck him for assuming that everyone takes the same path for their love story. He does tell her that he doesn’t want to dictate what she does, which he proved when he jumped on a plane in an effort to dictate what she does.

It’s pretty obvious that Colton is hoping to put his dick to work in some fashion and when he tells the camera that “Cass is the one.”. . .she better be when it’s all said and done or he’s gonna have some explaining to do. He reiterates that him not receiving her dad’s blessing doesn’t change anything about their relationship. Without going quote for quote, it’s comes down to this. She doesn’t want him to leave without getting what he wants, what he wants is her, she loves him, but isn’t in love with him. She is having doubts, he still hasn’t said much. She’s confused but doesn’t know why. He wants to know if she was planning on leaving that night, she says yes and she hates that she doesn’t know. She storms off while dramatic music plays in the background. He finally goes to her, taking her for a walk and since he hasn’t told her to fuck off yet, things may be okay. He tells her that he’s okay with being patient, but she still doesn’t know if she’ll get there. He lets her know that she is all he thinks about, even when he’s with the other girls and here’s what it all boils down to. He all but tells her that she is the one he wants to pick. Never mind, he just said that he wants it to be her at the end of this. . .engagement or not. Sidebar #4: Both are confused on where her doubt is coming from and seem to forget about the dad who dropped in and told her to be “brutally honest” with Colton. Let me just throw this in for shits and giggles. Hannah has yet to make an appearance and he has now said multiple times that he wants it to be Cassie in the end, so I’m guessing if it’s not her then it’s not anyone. Because he won’t be able to come back from these confessions and betroth himself to someone else. 

Colton tells her that he doesn’t care if she’s about to leave, he will not stop fighting for her. She lets him know that staying would be the wrong decision for her. She continues to tell him that she’s just not sure she can get “there” in time and he continues to tell her that he’s not expecting her to and it’s a dialogue that continues to play on a loop. He professes his love, she professes hers, but she still gets in the car and drives away. I’m all about angst in a good love story, but even this is a bit much for me. 

Then the moment we’ve all been waiting for the entire season finally comes to fruition. It was like a scene straight from Unreal. Colton leaves, jumping the fence, even ignoring Chris. . .which when is Chris ever ignored.  My favorite part is Chris and the producers calling him like a dog in the hopes he’ll answer. Needless to say, the episode ends with Colton’s virginity still intact. Oh and a To Be Continued. 

“. . .I’m not very flexible.”. . .”It’s probably because I’m a virgin.” -Colton

“There’s ways to loosen that up you know.” -Tayshia

“I don’t know if he’ll wake up a virgin tomorrow.”. . .”If he has a big smile tomorrow morning, I think you can kinda guess why.” -Tayshia

“You make me happy.” -Colton (to Cassie)

“I fucking love you.” -Colton (to Cassie)

“He just jumped the fucking fence.” -Chris

While we may not know how next week’s 2 night season finale will go, one thing I think we can all agree on is this. . .Colton is either gonna end up with Cassie or no one at all. There is no way, in reality world or the real one, that he professes his love that many times while telling her that she is the one he wants in the end and still have Tayshia or Hannah agree to be his happy ending. 

I believe that a lot of what went down between Colton and Cassie tonight was real, but I can’t help but wonder how much was drummed up or instigated by producers. Once Cassie brought up her dad, the only other thing mentioned about him was Cassie referring to the love her mom and dad had and how she admires it. That was it. Everything was looking good while the sun shone bright, but once the moon hit the sky, Cassie had done a flip flop and not once did her dad get brought up again. It didn’t occur to either of them that maybe dad was the missing piece to her freak out puzzle? Colton could’ve said he wanted to talk to him, get some insight, ensure her dad that he is the read deal. But nope, not one word. 

Here’s what we know cannot happen under any circumstances. Colton cannot pick Hannah or Tayshia, then in the end decide it’s not gonna work. The show has been there and done that and it doesn’t work out well for any party involved. You just need to refer to Ari to know how well that goes over in Bachelor Nation. In my romance book fantasy world, Colton goes after Cassie, fighting for her. Of course, this is after he breaks up with Hannah and Tayshia. This is a two night season finale, which means that more drama will be involved before the love gets worked out. And finishing up Hannah’s date and picking your wife should only take one episode, not two. . .so something big is coming. I find it hard to believe that ABC is gonna be okay with a no pick. This is not why they put so much money into this show. I do think it will bode well for the franchise if Colton and Cassie work it out and decide to just date, rather than get engaged. At the very least, that will confirm to someone like me that they do somewhat take the happiness of their leads and contestants into consideration.

Also, fuck Cassie’s dad.

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The Bachelor 2019 | Episode Seven Re-Cap | 02.18.19

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The Bachelor Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.comBXTCHES Gotta Warn: We have reached the point in the season where The Bachelor is forced to make some difficult decisions. Hometowns are next week and this episode is gonna kick off with seven hopefuls. . .only four can bring Colton home to meet the fam, which means he has to decide which three ladies are disposable. All season ABC has been dangling the drama carrot right in front of our salivating mouths and tonight may be the episode where it all comes to a head. . .at least a BXTCH can hope. This is me warning you that there will be a lot of sidebars during this re-cap. 

Last Week: Sydney removed herself from the bridal lineup, but not before putting a bug into Colton’s ear by telling him that there are girls that are there for the wrong reasons. There was an Onyeka vs. Nicole showdown, which ended with them both being sent home. Demi made a very poor attempt at trying to snag Colton’s virginity, which ended in her being sent home, but not before putting the same bug in his ear and at the actual Rose Ceremony, Colton decided that Katie wasn’t gonna be the one taking his last name. . .but she also planted a bug. Clearly an exterminator was needed for this episode. 

Tonight On: This shindig is headed back to the United States, Denver to be exact. Three lucky, lucky ladies will be gifted with one-on-one dates, while four will be forced together in an attempt to outdo the others in a group date. 

Tonight’s episode kicks off with Colton’s vlog and I’m torn on how I feel about these. I think the general consensus of Bachelor Nation is. . .they’re goofy as fuck, BUT one can appreciate the attempt at trying to see the Bachelor in a different light. His recap is based on worry about what Sydney, Demi, and Katie all said to him about there still being people around who aren’t ready to accept a proposal. Sidebar #1: During this “raw” moment, Colton expresses his concern about how his worst fear is coming to fruition, which I’m assuming is him dropping down to a knee and being rejected. He also expresses how much he trusts Katie, which would beg one to wonder, why send her home then? Trust is a pretty important component when one is fielding interviews for a spouse and at this point, his chemistry with Katie appeared to be stronger than what he had with Heather or Kirpa. . .so if he had that much trust in Katie, then why her? If anything, keep her around to at least be another set of ears for you. Let’s get to tonight. 

I guess to get some grounding, Colton meets up with Ben, which I’m certainly not complaining about, Ben is always a treat. Colton does admit to falling in love with multiple girls and how scary that is. Ben offers some sound advice and they shake on it. 

Colton and his dog Sniper meet up with the seven remaining. Colton lets them know that there will be roses on every date this week and the one-on-one’s start with Tayshia. 

At this point, every girl has had a one-on-one and I would like to use this time to share an interesting tidbit with you. Rachel Lindsey was recently on Nick Viall’s podcast and one of the things that she shared was how she knew Bryan was the one after she had her second one-one-one with him. She went onto say that it was after the second time around with one-on-ones (those were only given to Bryan, Peter, and Dean) that she really got a good glimpse at who the person was. . .so hopefully this will be a chance for Colton to start sorting some of these girls out. Sidebar #2: A quick note to the powers over at The Bachelor. As much as I loved seeing Ben (really, bring him back anytime), instead of bringing back past Bachelors to counsel the current Bachelor, bring back past Bachelorette’s to do so. Who better than a woman who has already been this far into the process to know what the ones currently going through it are thinking? Rachel was a strong lead, who is still with her pick. . .Jojo is still with her’s. . .if you’re looking to get into the head of a woman, maybe use a woman with a good head to do so.

Tayshia has already confessed that she will be letting Colton know what she thinks about people still in the running not being ready to say “Yes!”, but first up is oysters, wine and then ice cream. They do visit a market, where Colton picks out some salmon telling Tayshia how much he loves to cook. When the chance comes up for some decent conversation, Colton brings up the bug that was planted. He does tell her that he knows that she isn’t the one in question, but he would like to know if there is something that she has seen or heard.

Caelynn and Cassie are pondering over why someone would tell Colton on their way out that he needs to watch his back and whether or not it will be the topic of conversation with Tayshia. Both conclude that Tayshia can only speak on the girls that she is close with and from the tone of their voices, it’s safe to say that Caelynn and Cassie are not on Tayshia’s short list of BFF’s. It’s also safe to say that Caelynn and Cassie have no clue on how the female mind works, because why on Earth would Tayshia throw those she is close with under the bus? If she’s going for anyone, it’s gonna be those who are threats to her finding her happily ever after and you know for a fact that the two she will be gunning for are Caelynn and Cassie as soon as Caelynn utters the words “We’re fine.” Talk about famous last ones. . .of a fool.

Back to the date. . .Tayshia claims that she has heard some “disheartening” conversations in the house and although she doesn’t want to tattle, she feels that he has the right to know. The first names out of her mouth are Cassie and Caelynn. . .I’m shook. She feels that those two are the ones that Katie, Sydney, and Demi were referring to (more on that later). She claims that they are already talking about being the next Bachelorette and how they don’t believe that they will be ready to be engaged at the end and they’re more focused on what kind of parties they’ll get to attend and what kind of people they’ll get to know. You can see the devastation on Colton’s face as she is telling him all of this and he confides in her that she is laying out his biggest fear(s). She does offer him an apology, so there’s that he can cling to. He clearly doesn’t know what to do with this information, because of all of the names Tayshia could’ve mentioned, those weren’t on his list. She does go on to tell him that there are people that are there for him and that truly care for him. . .like her.

Sidebar #3 (this is gonna be a long one): Let’s recap. Tayshia was married for a year and a half to her first serious boyfriend. They were together for six years and the divorce was finalized in November 2017. Even though that was a little over a year ago (as of today), the show began filming in late September. So when she went on the show, her divorce wasn’t even a year old and she is already on the hunt for husband #2. . .let that sink in. She is 28 years old and I’m not sure if the entirety of her relationship with hubby #1 was six years (including marriage) or not, so for the sake of argument, we’re gonna assume that their whole relationship, start to finish, was six years. That puts her at 22 when she fell in love with him. Now, in between her divorce and the start of filming, rumor has it that she was in another relationship. According to US Weekly, she met Chase Olswang back in November 2017 and they quickly entered into a 10 month relationship, that (allegedly) didn’t end until the night before Tayshia left for the show. As a bit of evidence, this is on his Instagram:

The Bachelor 2019 | Episode Seven Re-Cap | Tayshia Adams Ex-Boyfriend | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

The Bachelor 2019 | Episode Seven Re-Cap | Tayshia Adams Ex-Boyfriend | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Looking at the first picture, the first hashtag is #ilovethisgirl. Now, look at the second picture and take a moment to look over the hashtags on that Instagram post. . .most of which involve something about an engagement. And this is from July 2018, just shy of 3 months before filming began on Colton’s season. Who do we think Sydney, Demi, and Katie were talking about now? Don’t worry, we’ll come back to this later. . .let’s get back to the date. 

Much to my surprise, they do end up cooking the salmon that was picked out earlier and over dinner the conversation turns to her family and what Colton can expect. She tells him that her dad will be apprehensive and when Colton asks her if her dad will be ready for another man to come into her life, she tells him that he may be hesitant and her dad is somewhat of a hard-ass, but it comes from a place of protectiveness. She just better be praying that her family doesn’t bring up Chase. He does tell her that without a parental blessing, he won’t be able to get down on one knee. In the end, Tayshia reassures him by telling him that her happiness is priority one for her family and in the end he gifts her with the first hometown rose and what was almost his virginity. . .she does come into his bedroom with his jersey on, which was rewarded with a little roll around in the bed. 

Tayshia’s one-on-one is in the books and she is now sitting around talking with Kirpa about the tea she spilled all over Colton’s lap. Kirpa assures Tayshia that she did the right thing and will back her up if given the chance. Their one hope is that Colton confronts Caelynn at some point during their date.

“Meet me in the Rockies.” It’s Caelynn’s round two and this time snowboarding is on the agenda. This is clearly in Colton’s wheelhouse and the only virgin on the snow today is Caelynn. Colton does express his concerns to the camera, but also saying that there are two sides to every story and he will give Caelynn the chance to basically convince him as to why he should meet her family. When they get the opportunity to sit and talk, Colton lays it all out. It’s not until Colton brings up being the next Bachelorette that Caelynn really reacts with “Who, me?”. She tells him that the story is completely fabricated and the only person who knows if she is truly ready is her. Colton wonders why someone would go out of their way to say something to him if there was no truth behind it. . .clearly he has no idea how the female psyche sometimes works, someone would make it up for the same reason someone would deny it. . .for him. She tells him that she’s not interested in gaining a boyfriend at the end of this, she’s looking for a ring. 

He certainly ain’t cooking for Caelynn on this date. . .the evening starts out kinda awkward with Tayshia’s claims still lingering on both of their minds. He lets her know that he will not walk through any door to meet a family if he doesn’t feel that they are ready. She basically tells him that she wouldn’t be there if she weren’t ready and she has never been able to be herself (fully) in a relationship and she was able to do that night one. IF Tayshia’s claims are true, Caelynn is selling this. . .complete with the vulnerable voice and all. She of course stamps the conversation with “I’m falling in love with you.” He reciprocates with the same sentiment and that does it folks, she is taking Colton home to meet her family. The date wraps up with a private concert starring Brett Young, which taught us that Colton may be able to cook, but dancing isn’t on the list of things that he does well. Maybe that’ll change after he learns how to dance in bed. Sidebar #4: I don’t believe that ANY contestant on this show (or real life) has dated someone exclusively for the better part of a year and every date ended in a handshake rather than 1st or 2nd base action and that disbelief is just as equal when a contestant claims that this is the first time in their dating history that they have been able to open up fully. Both claims are crazy talk and I’m starting to wonder if they sit around binge watching past seasons while making a list of what it will take to get to the end. Colton seems like a decent man, but decent or not, things need to be earned and if a label is gonna be put on anything at this point it’s just ‘casually dating’. I’m not saying that contestants shouldn’t open at all, but put me in a bed and whisper some dirty things in my ear and more than my legs will open up. If all we’re doing is sharing conversation over some rocky road, you’ll learn a bit about my family and maybe what my favorite Mexican restaurant is. . .you’re certainly not gonna get in the depths of what makes me, me. I would much rather fuck you first because at the very least I’ll learn if it’s gonna be worth cracking open my internal diary.

Sidebar #5: I don’t believe he told Tayshia he was falling in love with her, although I could be wrong, BUT if he believes Tayshia, then Caelynn should be packing her bags and if he believes Caelynn, then there is a rose he needs to take back. Tayshia never said that someone told her Caelynn and Cassie were having the alleged conversations, she said she heard them, which means either he believes Tayshia or he believes Caelynn, but he can’t believe both.

Before we get to the last one-on-one, Caelynn needs to fill Cassie in on what went down on her date. Cassie’s name was never brought up, so Caelynn has no idea that Tayshia has thrown her out as well. While Cassie was shocked at this turn of events, I think it’s important to point out what Cassie said in reacting to Caelynn. . .“And now, it just makes me wonder, like are my words gonna get twisted too?” Fair warning, I am #TeamCassie, so my opinion most likely will be biased, but here goes. I’m starting to wonder if a conversation was had about who would be the next Bachelorette and not in a me (Cassie) or you (Caelynn) way, but in a curious manner and Tayshia ran with that conversation. Now, if this were the case, I’m not sure why Caelynn didn’t just tell Colton, but maybe even acknowledging a discussion happened would almost be admitting guilt and maybe she didn’t wanna climb that mountain to just get thrown off. 

It’s time for Caelynn to finally confront Tayshia. When Caelynn tells her what Colton claimed, Tayshia didn’t say anything about an overheard discussion with Caelynn and Cassie about which one was gonna be the next Bachelorette or what kind of parties they’ll get to attend or anything about the people they will get to meet. She used the power of deduction and assumed that Katie was referring to Caelynn and Cassie because they were the only two who panicked when Colton brought up Katie’s claims. Tayshia says that she had no plans on talking about Caelynn during their date, which is a lie, she made it clear prior that she was gonna lay it all out, she even made that clear at the end of the last episode. Her stock is definitely losing points the more she tries to defend herself. Now, I went back and watched the scene in question again, wondering if I missed something and the only thing that stood out to me was Tayshia telling Kirpa that they need to take it to the end. I think every girl there had some sort of a reaction to what Katie told Colton, but none seemed more reactionary than the next. 


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“Home is where the heart is.” Alabama Hannah was the first one-on-one of the season and it looks like she’ll be the last. Colton has decided to take Hannah home to meet his family. Now this hasn’t faired well when done in the past. Arie took Krystal home, Nick let Raven meet his parents (though she was in the final two) and Ben took one of the twins home to meet his. All of those girls were eventually sent home, so if Hannah is hearing wedding bells because of this date, she’ll probably wanna get that checked once she gets back home. A note to Colton. . .NEVER is it okay to surprise any girl you’re dating with a trip home to meet the parents. They will ALL need a fair warning. 

Colton gets the chance to tell his dad what some of the departing ladies have been sharing with him and his dad lets him know that he needs to be careful with that kind of information and to trust his gut before he trusts the allegations of anyone else. The discussion switches to Hannah and Colton has nothing but nice things to say, but he does tell his dad that while Hannah may be in love with him, he’s not quite there. His dad then wants to know if he feels ready with any of the others and that in the end, whoever Colton winds up picking, he can’t second guess himself and that it’s important for him to go with his gut.

Hannah is busy chatting away with Colton’s mom. She tells her that she is in love with Colton, but he has yet to say those words to her. She is ready for an engagement or marriage, though one doesn’t usually come without the other. The only advise Colton’s mom could offer is for Hannah to be herself and be open.

The evening is upon us and when Hannah steps out of the limo, I’m quite convinced that she Pretty In Pink’d her mom’s prom dress from the 80’s, but Colton thinks she looks beautiful and that’s all that matters. The conversation starts with thoughts of Colton’s parents and of course, Hannah had only glowing reviews of his mom. He then asks her what makes her so confident in her feelings that she was able to express love for him just a couple of weeks ago. In a nutshell, Alabama Hannah doesn’t date to just date, she dates for marriage. Because that is where she’s at in her life. . .at 24 years old. She expresses that she is still falling in love with him and rambles on and on about how excited she is to take Colton home to meet her family and how she just knows that will kick off the next step in their relationship. This is met with a thank you from Colton, who then expresses how he just doesn’t think he can get to the same place she is in time for the next step in their relationship. Gotta hand it to her, she takes his rejection with the spirit of a true beauty queen. Another one that I cannot wait to see in Paradise.

“Saying good-bye is never easy.” Hannah G., Kirpa, Cassie, and Heather. If there was ever a time to make a dramatic entrance, I suppose this group date was it. Colton doesn’t disappoint when he arrives to pick up the ladies on a train. Once they reach their destination, he kinda lays it out there and lets them know what he is looking for and sends a semi-warning when he tells them that in order for him to meet parents, they need to be confident in where they are at, so basically, if you ain’t feelin’ it, you have got to go. Heather is up first and to sum things up quickly. . .she ain’t ready to take Colton home and quickly reboards the train to head back to hers. Sidebar #6: I have already expressed my feelings when it comes to Heather, which if you missed out on that fun. . .I don’t believe her when she says that she had dated. . .like anyone. I actually didn’t really believe her when she says she had yet to even kiss a guy, but I figured if that were the case, then surely someone would’ve come forward, plus I wanted to give her the benefit of doubt, which is why I went with not believing her about her dating history. Her removing herself from this equation, not only strengthens that belief, but should make it pretty obvious that she was one of the girls that the bug was referring to. . .c’mon Colton. . .she’s barely 23. . .she claims to have dated (even one long term), but had never been kissed and we think she’s ready for marriage? Nope. What I’m wondering is if she wants to be the next Bachelorette? Though I hate to burst the bubble, having a virgin male lead is much different than having a virgin female lead. I’ll just leave that there. But no worries, no one was sad. I think it may have been a relief for Colton to not have had to do the goodbye himself.

Kirpa and Cassie start to have a discussion about what went down between Tayshia and Caelynn, with Cassie expressing hope that the situation doesn’t follow her. Kirpa chimes in and says that she heard the rumors back in Asia from Katie BUT in her confessional, she says that she believes that Cassie is still trying to find herself in life and that’s why she isn’t ready and if Colton asks, she will give her opinion. No mentions of the next Bachelorette or parties or meeting people. Colton finally gets his chance at Cassie and the opportunity to tell her his concerns. She attempt to reassure him by saying that she wouldn’t be there if it weren’t for Colton. Tears are shed, disbeliefs are had and Colton’s gut is eventually trusted. 

Kirpa may claim that she will only bring up the situation at hand if she is asked, but we all have either known some bitches or are some bitches ourselves and know that Kirpa has no intention in waiting for Colton to drop a hint. We trust our gut as well. Kirpa tells Colton how worried she is that he will get to the end and be blindsided and since she has had to end an engagement, she doesn’t want that for him. Which of course leads her to tell him that she has concerns about Cassie and Caelynn. She clings to the story that after Katie left and Colton gave his speech, they were the only two that panicked and got defensive, which is not what she said to Cassie at all. I will say, Kirpa brought a pink notebook with her to talk with Colton, and this BXTCH for sure thought she was about to start producing receipts, I was a bit bummed when it didn’t happen.

When Kirpa sits back down with Hannah and Cassie, her entire story changed. Instead of telling Cassie that her and Caelynn reacted in a very strange manner after Katie left, she tells her that if Katie felt strong enough to say something to Colton, then she wouldn’t have made that up. It went back and forth for a bit, but mainly it was just “you’re wrong”. . .“I’m not wrong”. . .in the end Kirpa and Tayshia are just relying on something that Katie told them, which we still don’t know and most likely won’t find out until the Women Tell All episode. But to answer Kirpa’s burning question of “Why would Katie make it up?”. . .maybe because she is competing for Colton and his dick and either wanted to eliminate the strongest competition OR she knew her time was dwindling and what better way to make a statement than to start up some shit? C’mon, this is How to be a Mean Girl 101. In the end, Colton isn’t yet ready to make a rose decision and the drama will follow us into the night. 

It doesn’t take long for Colton to decide that he needs to meet Hannah’s parents. Once she arrives back at the house and gives Caelynn and Tayshia the rundown, Caelynn takes it upon herself to find Colton and set him straight. Let me just add. . .I have no idea what sort of Bachelorette talk (if any) went down with Caelynn and Cassie, but if Caelynn has her eyes on the leading lady prize, she is setting herself up well. We got to see Colton have a chat with Kirpa, we did not see if a conversation went down with Cassie, but in the end, it was Cassie with the rose. We do learn that Cassie is another one he is falling in love with. 

The Bachelor 2019 | Episode Seven Re-Cap | Rose Ceremony | www.bxtchesbeblogging.comThe Bachelor 2019 | Episode Seven Re-Cap | Rose Ceremony | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

 

“Dude, I better get a fucking rose, cause I will call that stupid bitch out.” -Caelynn

“It’s pretty cool that I got a hometown before hometowns.” -Hannah B.

“You know, he says he wants somebody that challenges him, that is spontaneous, makes him laugh, is funny, has depth, a heart, can be themselves completely, be honest. I don’t know who it’s gonna be, if not me.” -Hannah B.

“What? It’s like, it’s either true or not true. It’s not your opinion. Like in my opinion, you’re an idiot.” -Cassie

It’s pretty evident that the entirety of this episode is centered around whether or not there were ladies left who aren’t ready to walk down the aisle. Let me just go full disclosure before I give my thoughts. Personally, I don’t think ANYONE who goes onto this show is ready for marriage. Not on day one and not two months later, which is why most of the pairings wind up failing. It’s easy to “fall in love” when you’re traveling the world with no real life worries to focus on. But come home and see each others social media or who find out who they voted for in the 2016 election or who their friends are or experience each other day 2 of your period and love was probably a word used very loosely. I would say this to anyone entering an exclusive relationship, but at least in that situation it is person to person, not one man vs. 20+ women, with no exclusivity. But since that’s not what The Bachelor is about, I can only go with what we’re given.

Let’s play Devil’s Advocate for a hot second. We need to recognize that a Bachelorette conversation happened at some point, even if it was taken out of context. So, WHAT IF Caelynn is eyeing that role, which is why she went to Colton to secure Cassie’s spot. I think it’s pretty evident that Cassie is at the top of Colton’s list right now and Caelynn is probably a close second. If Cassie is out, then this could be Caelynn’s to lose, which would then take her out of the running of being selected as the next Bachelorette. She’s already done everything she can do to have America love her. She is the one who extended the olive branch to Alabama Hannah, her past just adds to her package and she went to seek out Colton because she thought it was the “right thing to do”. . .from the outside looking in, she is nearing perfection. So, one would need to ask. . .is she the real deal OR does she have an agenda?

Anyone who watched the episode where Sydney removed herself, knew that she was having issues with Demi, Heather, and in particular Alabama Hannah. Why she didn’t share those names, no one knows. Maybe she felt it wasn’t her place, maybe she didn’t wanna be raked across the coals of social media, but if she didn’t think she was the one who should’ve told him, then it probably wold’ve been best to just keep quiet. Demi and Katie are mysteries to me because I think it’s fair to say that based on what we know about Demi, she’s gonna do great on Paradise but not so much as Mrs. Underwood. . .and I didn’t see enough of Colton and Katie sitting in a tree to form an opinion about her. She seems nice and Colton had to have seen something in her to deem her so trustworthy, but again I will ask, if you trust her so much and believe her when she says people aren’t ready, then why send her home? He kept Caelynn and Cassie, but was clearly having an issue believing them, even though they both told him what he wanted to hear, he still seemed a bit skeptical. . .either Tayshia and Kirpa are telling the truth OR Cassie and Caelynn are. . .Women Tell All should be interesting because if the accusations are correct, then there are tapes somewhere and I for one will need to see them. 

If you have ever seen even one episode of Unreal, then you know production was most likely behind all of the “drama” on this episode. Tayshia never heard Caelynn or Cassie talk about being the next Bachelorette, it was someone putting that into Tayshia’s ear. . .whether it was asking if she thinks they would be good picks or asking her if she believed that Katie was referring to them and why she thinks that, while pushing her towards the Bachelorette issue. If you paid attention, she never once brought up a conversation she overheard when she was actually speaking with Caelynn. Kirpa never brought up a conversation, assumptions were made based solely on how they perceived a reaction. I can’t figure out if production did this to turn fans against Caelynn/Cassie or to turn them against Tayshia/Kirpa. As of now, Bachelor Nation seems pretty upset with Tayshia/Kirpa. 

Even though I blame some of this on production, Tayshia and Kirpa didn’t have to go with it. In my opinion Tayshia knows that she is at the very least (going into this episode) third on Colton’s list. In order for her to move up, she would need to eliminate Cassie and Caelynn and what better way to do that than to play on his fears. But what pisses me off the most is this. . .Tayshia tried to ruin whatever Caelynn and Cassie had with Colton, but when Hannah G. arrives back at the house after receiving her rose, they’re just chatting away like besties. Fuck that, if anyone made an attempt to sabotage a relationship I was working hard at cementing, then all bets are off and you can be sure that all conversations are as well. 

Here’s my last frustration. I don’t understand why Cassie or Caelynn didn’t just tell Colton that either he believes them or he doesn’t and they’ve built up enough of a relationship with them that he should at the very least give them the benefit of doubt. When a contestant goes to the Bachelor/ette with any kind of accusation, it somewhat reeks of desperation and sounds a lot like tattling and any adult should be able to see the ulterior motive.

It also bears mentioning that while Tayshia got some things in her divorce, the biggest thing she was awarded was all of her debts. $80k in student loans, $27k for a car loan, and $8k in credit cards. . .she went from being divorced in November 2017, engaged in July 2018, and hoping to be Colton’s fiancé now. . .maybe it’s love. . .maybe it’s necessity.

I think Elyse deserves a shout out. While I don’t know why she went on the show, knowing what the premise was, at least she stepped out when she realized that there was no way she could share.

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The Bachelor 2019 | Episode Six Re-Cap | 02.11.19

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BXTCHES Gotta Warn: Let’s use this moment to share some stuff. Did you know that E! posted an article this last week, saying that Johnny Bananas was interested in being the next Bachelor? For the record, I am all for this idea. If you don’t know who Johnny Bananas is, he is THE staple (with the exception of CT) of MTV’s The Challenge. Now, Bananas is someone you either love, hate, or love to hate and depending on my mood, I can easily fall into all three of these categories. This will give fans a familiar face, while circumventing Bachelor Nation and even if you are someone who hates him, you have to admit that he has a certain quality about him that I think will flourish on this show. And his persona has been earned because of the situations he finds himself in on The Challenge. He has to be manipulative, he has to be able to scheme, he has to be an asshole, all while still being just the right amount of charming. Being the next Bachelor will put him in an atmosphere where he just has to be able to woo, so if you’re someone who usually hates him, you may find yourself falling for him when it’s all said and done. If you’re interested in the article posted by E!, click here.

We’re six weeks into the Fantasy League and after five weeks, my total is sitting pretty at 785. Week Five categories were: Goes on a Group Date (5 points); Receives a One-on-One Date Card (5 points); Cries-Tears on Face (5 points); Kisses Colton on the Lips (5 points); Wins Joe’s Survival Challenge (5 points); Says “Thailand” (5 points); Receives a Rose (5 points); Says “Falling in Love” (10 points). My results:

The Bachelor 2019 Fantasy League | Week Five Results | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Week Six categories are: Goes on a Group Date (5 points); Kisses Colton on the Lips (5 points); Receives a Rose (5 points); Receives a One-on-One Date Card (5 points); Says “Falling in Love”, “Connection”, or “Relationship” (5 points); Tells Colton Some Women “Aren’t Ready”, or Are “Safe” or “Easier” Choices (10 points) Cries-Tears on Face (5 points);  Says “Vietnam” (5 points). My choices:The Bachelor 2019 Fantasy League | Week Six | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

 

Last Week: Episode five was so jammed pack that it’s being continued tonight. First up was Elyse. She decided that she is not the woman who can share one man with multiple women, which would beg one to ask. . .“Have you seen the show?”. . .but nonetheless, in the end, she had to tell Colton goodbye. Onyeka decided to tell Colton some shit about Nicole, Nicole decided to retaliate against Onyeka by telling Colton some shit of her own and Colton needed a timeout from it all. But on a positive, Colton did tell Cassie that he was crazy about her and in my #TeamCassie corner, I’m taking that to mean that he really wanted to tell her that he was falling in love, but couldn’t because he wasn’t allowed to at this point. However, Alabama Hannah was the first to drop the L bomb and it went over well, because she was gifted another date rose. 

Tonight On: We are picking up where we left off last week, which means we’re just waiting for a Rose Ceremony. There will be (2) one-on-one dates and (1) group date tonight. Oh and this fest is moving to Vietnam.

We’re picking up with Colton walking on the beach, I’m assuming in deep thought regarding life’s choices while Onyeka and Nicole are trying their best to protect their reputations amongst the girls. Because of the journey the episode took right back to high school, if you didn’t get your shot with Colton before the Onyeka vs. Nicole showdown happened, then your shit out of luck, because Chris is ringing the bell and it’s time for the roses to be handed out. 

It’s bound to be a tense one and with Cassie, Heather, and Hannah B. safe, that leaves nine girls up for elimination. And with Nicole crossing her heart and saying a quick prayer to the Good Man above, she’s definitely hoping for a second chance at wooing Colton right out of his virginity. 

The Bachelor 2019 | Episode Six Rose Ceremony | www.bxtchesbeblogging.comThe Bachelor 2019 | Episode Six Rose Ceremony | www.bxtchesbeblogging.comThe Bachelor 2019 | Episode Six Rose Ceremony | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

The Bachelor 2019 | Episode Six Rose Ceremony | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

In the end, Colton did what every lead should do when contestants bicker like toddlers and he sent them both home. It’s about time someone finally takes some advice from this BXTCH. On the bright side, surely we will see them both in Paradise.

Another episode, another VLOG and tonight the insight is a hope for clarity and that was really about all he shared.

With another location comes another balcony greeting. This time we were greeted with “Good morning, Vietnam!”. The originality is oozing from these guys. 

“We really knead this date. . .” Hannah G. has finally had her number called and it is stressing some of these ladies out. This date is getting kicked off with a couples spa day, which includes a personal massage from Hannah to Colton, which most likely ended in some sort of happy ending. And if the massage didn’t get the ending that was most likely medically necessary, then the mud tub or shower they shared surely got the job done. Hannah does let us know in her confessional that if she got the chance for an overnight with Colton, then she would be taking advantage of it. You can read that however you see fit.

The nighttime is upon us without learning much about Hannah, except that she’s certainly ready to fast forward to the fantasy suites. Here’s hoping that we get a bit more insight under the moonlight. We did learn that they enjoy showering with one another and that Hannah makes Colton feel “very, very good”. We quickly learn that opening up is not Hannah’s “jam” and that she has trained herself to avoid it. It comes down to her parents divorce, which from the sound of it, ended ugly. The divorce does give them something in common, since Colton has gone through the same thing, my only issue (if that’s the right word) is why now? If someone has an issue with opening up, is it really an issue when you are able to do what you’re afraid of doing with someone that you don’t know all that well? Even if he makes her feel comfortable enough to do so, aren’t you risking a lot knowing that it could end bad for you and have you even more closed off than before? I’m not trying to downplay the effect her parents divorce had on her, but I also feel that it’s not haunting her as much in her adult life as she is wanting Colton (or us) to believe. Someone who has trust issues when it comes to opening up doesn’t really pick reality tv to find their happily ever after, which probably means that there is an underlying goal. But in the end, a connection is a connection and Hannah has another date rose to add to her bouquet and the distinction of being the second of the season to admit (to the cameras) that she is falling in love and the first that Colton admits to falling in love with. 

The other two girls (Cassie and Caelynn) left in the mix that are probably the closest to Colton are spending their afternoon having a chat regarding Colton’s relationship with Hannah G. Neither are shocked that Hannah got the one-on-one, but the beauty queen believes that Hannah is someone who has relied on her beauty for most of her life and I do believe that there’s a pot and a kettle somewhere in that hypocrisy. She says it’s hard to know who Hannah is if it were all stripped away. They both believe that the chemistry Colton and Hannah have doesn’t go too far past the first impression she made on him. Who wants to tell them the exact impression she’s making on him during this date? 

The anticipation of waiting for the next date card to arrive is gonna give someone an anxiety attack, full blown and I’m kinda looking forward to it. We’re getting a good start with the tears that come when some realize that a one-on-one is not gonna happen for them in Vietnam. “Are you ready to fight for love.” Cassie, Heather, Tayshia, Caelynn, Katie, Hannah B., Sydney, and Demi. That leaves Kirpa the envy of all. The date starts off with some choreographed fight sequence, clearly intended to impress, he probably would’ve had more success if he would’ve walked out naked as the day he was born, but much manlier. However, it’s pretty easy to determine that there will be some fighting on this date, which has even me looking forward to this. After some instruction, it’s time for the girls to spar one another. This is being brought to us by Chris Harrison and the host of Bachelor Vietnam, Quo Chung. Up first is Sydney and Heather with lots of laughing and shrieking radiating from Heather. In other news, Colton now knows what Heather will sound like when physically exerted. Hannah B. and Cassie get to take their turn next and I have no idea who won, but Hannah did seem pretty confident in herself. Demi and Katie get their opportunity to take their frustration out on not being selected for one-on-one time, though the frustration should be against Colton, but like all good women when frustrated with a man, we take it out on one another. It’s pretty easy to see that while the other girls were playing around, this battle is turning into a real fight. And Sydney put it best when she said “Demi’s got a big bark but not a lotta bite after seeing that match”. After watching that fight, Colton ends the fun. This cocktail party should be a blast.

Tayshia is up first and immediately begins to express her fears, even though her one-on-one was just two episodes ago. She does like the direction their relationship is going, but she needs Colton to be curious about her as much as she is about him. He puts her at ease when he tells her that he does want to continue to explore their relationship. My advice to Tayshia. . .you should never have to ask a man that’s interested in you to be curious about you. 

Talk amongst the ladies is this could be one of the most important date roses, because whoever he gives this one to, he obviously wants to continue moving forward in that particular relationship. The stress is getting to be a bit much for Katie, who when given the opportunity to have her discussion with Colton, she lets him know that she’s scared and that one of her biggest fears is Colton misreading her. She’s worried that Colton will think that she’s not trying. I’m not really sure what message she’s trying to send him, it almost seems like she heard what the ladies said about the date rose and knew that some sort of unsure vulnerability was her best opportunity at getting it. Now that Alabama Hannah has confessed to falling in love with him, she is going at this experiment hard. She is full of smiles and laughs and an energy that she hasn’t shown prior. Hannah’s exuberance is rubbing some the wrong way and by some I mean Sydney and Tayshia, who are having a little one-on-one time of their own, talking about how some of the girls lack substance and are just shiny objects. . .Hannah showing Colton her ninja skills is one of the object to which they are referring. I think Sydney is starting to get into her head a bit, reading into every detail as something it’s not. I don’t see this going down well when he finally breaks away and sits to talk with Sydney. 
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In her defense, Sydney goes right at Colton by asking him if there is a reason why she hasn’t been chosen for a one-on-one yet. He tells her that each relationship is different and each one moves at a different pace. She does want to know if he thinks he will be able to “there” with her and he responds with he wants to try. I think in the end, Sydney is not really feeling Colton’s words of reassurance. 

It is clear that Demi worked on her speech for a good long while. After she is done describing how great of a girlfriend she would be, she asks Colton if he would like to call her mom with her, which is a very well played move towards getting her hands on that group date rose. While I do think this move was pulled out of her playbook, I also think that this is a conversation that should’ve happened without Colton and without cameras. 

The more giggling that comes from the Hannah’s or Demi’s or Heather’s of the group, the more Sydney starts to battle with herself. Her feeling is that none of those girls are ready for marriage and she obviously is. . .but if that’s the kind of girl that Colton is finding himself attracted to, then where does that leave him and her. Instead of her depending on the conversation that she had with Colton earlier, she decides to go to him once again and continue to press him for guarantees. She gets real ballsy when she tells him that he’s making the easy choices and if that’s what he wants, then good for him, but since she needs more than what she feels that he’s willing to give, then she is gonna go ahead and remove herself from his potential bridal list. On her way out she does encourage him to seek out the great ones of the group and stop being distracted by shiny things. In the end, she may have opened up his eyes a bit in seeing how much more he can open up and offer to each of his relationships. Even though I’m not really seeing the connection, he seems to be a smitten kitten when it comes to Tayshia, because she is walking away with the date rose. 

I think that some one-on-one dates are chosen because the Bachelor/ette has smoking hot chemistry with someone and they’re looking to pour some more gas on an already growing flame. I think others are chosen as a way of finding out if there is anything worth even starting and that is where I think Colton is at with Kirpa and why he has chosen her for this date. Prior to this date kicking off, Demi and Hannah B. are talking and it’s mentioned that his relationship with Kirpa has grown, but they wonder what will become of this date. I don’t see the growth. I know the viewing audience isn’t privy to every nuance that occurs, but I don’t even recall seeing a kiss, much less a lot of conversation. I’m thinking he’ll send her home on this date, but crazier things have happened on this show. . .

The greeting is the obligatory legs around the waist and as much as I poke fun at it, Kirpa jumping into Colton’s arms seemed forced and not as natural as it’s supposed to be at this point. The date starts with a whole lot of discussion about Sydney. He does go on to say that each and every time he spends time with Kirpa, he takes something from it. During his confessional he admits to enjoying his time with Kirpa and she is someone that he naturally and easily connects with. Maybe I’m not seeing this because of his connection with some of the other girls and the connection he does have with Kirpa isn’t coming through. They take the date underwater and do some diving and you can see some of the easiness making its way into the date the longer the day goes.

Dinner starts out with Colton asking about Kirpa’s previous engagement. They were together for eight years and he was someone who was saving himself for marriage, which she compares to Colton’s situation, but he quickly reminds her that he hasn’t been saving himself for marriage, but rather the right person. She explains that things ended because they got too comfortable with one another and the relationship was standing still instead of moving forward and though it was difficult, it was the right decision for the both of them. He wants to know if she can see herself saying yes to a proposal at the end and she lets him know that if their relationship continues to progress then she could certainly see herself saying yes. I will say that though I was skeptical about her longevity going into the date, their compatibility grew the longer they spent with one another. And this date in particular is a great example of how a date should be. . .a little awkward. . .a tiny bit uncomfortable. . .lots of laughter. . .lots of conversation. . .and in the end the offer of a date rose, which she happily accepts, which finally led to Kirpa getting her shot at Colton’s lips. 

Demi is determined to make some sort of a big move where her relationship with Colton is concerned and since she has yet to be given the opportunity via a one-on-one date, she is taking matters into her own hands and creating her own one-on-one time with the hope that after she has made her big move, Colton will no longer be a virgin. She may wanna start with eliminating the nickname Coco. Let me intervene for a hot second. I get what’s happening. It’s naive to assume that Colton didn’t know Demi was on her way over, BUT. . .this motherfucker just got done with a date and for all assumptions, Demi has no idea what actually happened on that date. She doesn’t know if Kirpa gave Colton a handy in the bathroom of some seedy bar or if he gave her one. I know we know, but do we know? Demi has no idea where his fingers, tongue, or other important sexual limbs have been but she’s okay with getting some leftovers? Have some dignity and wait your turn. Anyway back to the train wreck. Demi is giving him a rundown of their relationship up to this point, then tells him that she is falling in love with him. He tells her that he appreciates her words and that she makes him feel special. He admits to thinking about her and them a lot, but in the end he doesn’t think that they can get to that place. He leads us all to believe that he would’ve sent her home at the next rose ceremony, I’m not sure I believe that, but she has been sent back to the United States. The only thing this moment was missing was some dramatic Young and the Restless theme music, because this was a scene straight out of the latest soap opera. She even worked at forcing some good tears, she wasn’t quite successful, but it could garner her a nomination of some sort somewhere. 

We kicked off this episode with ten hopefuls and before we even made it to this episode’s Rose Ceremony, we are down to eight and with three date roses already claimed, that leaves five fighting for his last name. Hometowns are in two weeks, which means he still needs to cut half of who’s left, so maybe there was some strategy in the events that unfolded with this episode. With the unexpected departures of Sydney and Demi, the girls are reeling and worried that they could be next on Colton’s list. Chris arrives to tell the ladies that Colton already knows who the roses belong to and a cocktail party will not be necessary. You know the heart rates kicked in gear when they heard that news. 

There was no time wasted, Colton jumped right to it. Tonight’s Rose Ceremony sucks because only one girl gets sent home. It seems more humiliating when your the lone one. . .

The Bachelor 2019 | Episode Six Rose Ceremony | www.bxtchesbeblogging.comThe Bachelor 2019 | Episode Six Rose Ceremony | www.bxtchesbeblogging.comThe Bachelor 2019 | Episode Six Rose Ceremony | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

 

“It’s my greatest pleasure to accept this rose.” -Demi

“I would definitely eat that sushi roll.” -Colton

“I’m willing to do whatever it takes to fight for Colton, so hopefully her insurance works here in Vietnam.” -Colton

“I don’t know where his head’s at. I don’t know where his heart is.” -Katie

Before we get to the heavy stuff, let’s talk about the climate in the international destinations. I understand why the show doesn’t lug around hair and makeup for all of the contestants, but can we agree to at least either have someone or a couple of someones around to assist with the hair and face when the humidity starts to wreck some havoc.

Since Colton’s virginity is the talking point of the season, I think it’s only fair if we discuss it some. His date this week with Hannah and last week with Cassie prove that inexperience isn’t part of his game and at this point, his virginity is really a technicality. I don’t really want to take anything away from his purity, but female virginity and male virginity are not equal and I’m willing to bet the only place his dick hasn’t been, is inside of a vagina. . .which deserves the shock and awww and praise that we have bestowed upon him. . .but I do think we need to stop acting as if this man has yet to take advantage of other sexual acts to relieve and get the job done. 

Demi is a conundrum to me. While she is definitely entertaining, she wasn’t my favorite and I don’t want to say that she’s too young to tie herself down, because her and Cassie are the same age, but in my opinion, Cassie carries herself a bit different. While I do think that a lot or at least some of what Demi gave us was an act, Colton sending her home before she was ready, gave us a glimpse at some damage done by a mom being in prison. Which if I was gonna flare my inner Dr. Phil, I would say that she needs to work through those demons before she expands her life through the ties of Holy Matrimony. I did find it questioningly interesting when she said that Colton ending things with her is the exact type of scenario that has had her avoiding relationships for so long. Ummm. . .she’s 23, I’m not sure how many relationships she has been able to avoid in her short adult life, but her saying that made it even more clear that she needs to discover a lot more about herself before she involves anyone else.

While I didn’t see Katie and Colton standing together in the end, I did feel bad for her, especially after she laid out her fears. I think what gave me a case of the head shakes was when she apologized to him. He had already walked her to the waiting automobile and the goodbye had begun when he told her that he felt there was so much more to get out of her that he just didn’t, which is when she apologized. Let me say this loud and clear. . .there was nothing to apologize for. First, it’s unfair for him to basically put that on her, the only interaction they had was on group dates and he had no problems getting it from the ones he wanted it from. He doesn’t owe any apology for her not being his one and she doesn’t owe any apology for being who she is. We’ll see you in paradise Katie.

I find it humorous that everyone BUT Colton can identify who is ready for a proposal and who isn’t. However, if one was really interested in him finding his happy ending, even if it doesn’t include them, then why not say to him “Look, this bitch you are hanging all over isn’t ready for you to pop the question, she’s just looking for opportunity.” Even if you come off as somewhat jealous, who gives a fuck, you laid it out for him, now it’s his job to determine if it’s true. However, how he has not yet determined that Heather is no where near ready to meet him any place wearing a white gown, baffles me. And I say this based solely on her lack of experience. Maybe it’s normal to be 22/23 and have never kissed a guy, but it’s not normal to casually date throughout high school and college and then have a semi long term exclusive boyfriend and still have never been kissed. And I think based on that alone, there is a lie somewhere and I think it hiding within the claim that she’s dated. I have no issue with anyone marrying their first relationship. . .I do however have a problem with Colton potentially being her first relationship and she’s “dating” him, while he’s “dating” others. She needs to spread some wings and fall flat on her face a couple of times while trying to fly as high as she can. I’m somewhat surprised that her family was okay with her taking this adventure.

If you haven’t had the opportunity, you should check out Nick Viall’s podcast, especially the one with Rachel Lindsey as his guest. Click here to watch via YouTube.

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The Bachelor 2019 | Episode Five Re-Cap | 02.04.19

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BXTCHES Gotta Warn: There really is no warning with this post. Like always, tonight’s episode is two hours long and I did write as I watched and since I am now thorough the episode, I can say that it was a good one. Filled with drama and cattiness and lots of tears. So, pop the corn and fill the glass, let’s get started. 

Last Week: It seems that Demi has some charm, because both of her adversaries were sent packing. We only lost two, giving us 13 ladies headed into tonight’s episode.

Tonight On: Tonight’s episode brings the love to Thailand and based on the previews, it seems that Heather may finally get to mark “kiss a guy” off of her bucket list. Someone also winds up in Colton’s bed, but it could be that ABC is hyping that up much more than it deserves. We have (2) one-on-one dates and (1) group date waiting for us tonight.

The first date card arrives and the lucky recipient is Heather, and I think that the girls are genuinely happy for her, which is a first for this group. 

“Let’s experience something new.” Our girl is giddy with anticipation and I for one am glad that her number was finally pulled. Now, she may have never been kissed, but she has the signature Bachelor greeting down pat. . .and that’s with the legs around the waist. Good gracious, I cannot wait until I lose enough pounds to make that dream a reality. Not with Colton, but with the hubs. Their adventure begins with a boat ride and Heather believes that while she has been close in the past to laying one on a guy, it’s just starting to feel right with Colton. They visit a (or it could be “the”) floating city, which eventually leads to lunch and the need for the camera to get ultra closeup to Colton’s lips. Look, I get it, you’re going in for the effect and as sexy as Colton is, we didn’t need it. However, Heather is looking at him like she would’ve preferred him to be served up instead of the seafood that they’re enjoying. They are feeding each other, which should naturally progress to the food being replaced with each other’s lips. But the sun sets without much action. 

The nighttime convo kicks off with Colton telling Heather how great the date has been and any expectations he had, have been surpassed. One would think that the same thing doesn’t hold true for Heather, but she agrees with him and now I’m starting to understand why she hasn’t been kissed yet. He wants to dive into her dating history and she begins with telling him that she casually dated in high school and some in college. After college she met a guy, who checked every box of what she was looking for. Her friends thought that they were perfect, but she says she wasn’t really feeling it. . .it lasted eight months. Eight fucking months and not one kiss. I’m now not buying this story. I don’t wanna look like a complete asshole, so I will give her the benefit of doubt and say that I believe that she’s never been kissed. What I don’t believe is her dating history. Look, I get it if you don’t kiss any guy you casually date in high school, it’s not what some would consider normal, but fuck them, it’s also high school. Now, you also casually date more than one guy in college and it never progressed to even a kiss? That I don’t really buy, but for the sake of her claim, I’ll go with it. No way in the world that you exclusively date a guy (after college) for EIGHT MONTHS and no kiss at all. Colton does ask her if the guy tried to kiss her in the entire eight months they were together, and she circumvents the question by saying that they talked a lot and were very open about it. And this is why I question her story. I don’t want to squash her claim of having never been kissed, so I am gonna smash the claim that she was in an exclusive relationship for eight months and her tongue never once touched his. And here’s why I think she’s lying. Going into a show that you’re hoping will end in your engagement, but also having never been in a relationship, is not going to bode well, just for the simple fact of that person needing to get a little bit of life under their belt before taking someone’s last name. If she’s never been kissed, maybe she realized that it would be difficult to convince Colton of her commitment readiness if she has never even been in a relationship before, so enter the eight month relationship. Either way, something is not right. Back to the date. . .Colton does tell her that while he’s glad that she was open about her inexperience, he is concerned. He wants to give their relationship an honest shot, but is worried about “that moment”. This is where she chimes in and says that she doesn’t want him to think that she is waiting for some magical moment or for her first kiss to belong to her husband. Okay, let’s make sure we get this straight. She casually dated guys (not singular) in high school, but the first kiss never happened. Casually dated in college, but again, never happened. Was in an exclusive relationship for eight months and once again, never happened. . .but she now tells Colton that she’s not waiting for a magical moment. . .what? Maybe I’m gonna have to squash after all. Look, I’m not knocking who Heather is or what she represents. I think it’s great that she owns her purity. But IF she has really waited for 23 years to be kissed and wasn’t able to kiss a guy that she dated for the better part of a year. . .because if he was horrible and not a dateable kind of guy, then she shouldn’t have held onto him for that long. . .then why is she so eager for this moment to belong to Colton. This is her first date with him and her eagerness started well before this date. I like Heather, I just think that there is a lie in there somewhere. In the end, the chemistry is strong enough for Colton to hand over the date rose. . .which she deserved. They take a walk on the beach and experience some fireworks lighting up the sky and some fireworks lighting up her loins, because she finally gets her “first” kiss. I’m sure Colton is gonna love hearing her tell that camera that she has “kissed a boy”. Someone needs to tell her that they’re called men at this age.

Elyse is beginning to struggle. She has a hard time reconciling her time and date with Colton as being so perfect, but then watch others come back with the same feeling. “Heartbroken” was the word she used. She’s at the point where she is needing a bit more from him during their time together. If anything, just to reassure her that what she’s feeling, he’s reciprocating. When the next date card arrives, she is stuck in her head and no matter the name(s) on the card, she is gonna read something into it that she probably shouldn’t. She’s seems quite devastated when she realizes that Cassie is the one chosen for the next one-on-one and she is forced to share Colton with a group. I like Elyse, but she may wanna watch the sunrise and do some meditation techniques, because in the end, if she doesn’t calm herself, it’s gonna end bad. And a quick reminder, Heather’s date is only the fifth one-on-one date of the season thus far and Elyse is one of the five girls that has had that opportunity. There are still eight girls who have yet to get an entire day to just themselves and Colton. Heather and Colton’s date has ended and we’re back at the resort and once we see Elyse curling her hair and fastening her stilettos, there’s no way this is gonna end good for her. . .for us it will, but not for her. She winds up back in the living room, clearly overdressed for whatever is happening in there. Everyone is speculating that Heather will not return from her date, so imagine the surprise when she walks back through the door and she tells them how well the date actually went. Elyse is turning some heads and minds when she gets up right in the middle of Heather’s retelling, and walks out the door. . .looking like she’s about to hit up something a bit classier than what the girls can offer. And since no one can figure out what it is that Elyse is about to do, I’ll say it again for the cheap seats. . .has any of these contestants NEVER watched the show? How do you not know what she is about to do? Spoiler Alert: She’s going to see Colton. Once Colton welcomes her in, I feel for the girl, but this discussion is even making me awkward for her. Her one-on-one with Colton had her in the clouds, but since that date, she’s not feeling that connection. Colton is feeling good (or was) about where they’re at and is basing a lot of their connection on their date, which one would believe is a good place to start. However, her head is everywhere. She knows it’s not a competition but feels like she is competing for Colton. Another spoiler alert: she is. Part of her wishes that there was something missing between them and they could end their relationship as just friends. He tells her that he’s not gonna just give up on relationships, especially the ones that he’s excited for. I thought that this was a nod towards her, but she responds with “You’re breaking my heart.” She then tells him that she won’t be able to accept a proposal from him after he has shared his time with other people for a few months. In the end, it’s Elyse breaking up with Colton. But it’s also Elyse confessing to the camera that she feels like she’s making a huge mistake and Colton confessing that Elyse gave up on them and that his worst nightmare is getting to the end of this and not being enough. “Will our love survive?” Demi, Caelynn, Hannah B., Sydney, Tayshia, Kirpa, Onyeka, KatieNicole, Hannah G., and Elyse. We get another personal diary from Colton, it’s the morning after Elyse and the bags are a little noticeable under Colton’s eyes. I think he’s a bit perturbed that his date with Heather was tainted somehow by his break-up with Elyse, which only brought up all of his insecurities and doubts about how this experience could actually end. This group date is taking the girls into the jungle. Evidently the jungle is representative of what Colton wants from his future wife and that’s adventure, to that I say this. . .you haven’t had enough adventure inside four walls yet, let’s conquer that snake before I get bitten by a poisonous one. Joe is their guide and the quest for “Who will be the most adventurous” begins. And Hannah seems to be pulling ahead of everyone, because in her crusade to move to the top of Colton’s Bridal list, she is continuing to put things in her mouth that have no business there, in this particular case, she ate a slug. But if she’s willing to swallow a bug whole, that bodes well for other things she’s willing to swallow. . .whole or otherwise. I guess not wanting to be shown up by Hannah, Nicole pulled an eel out of a hole, Tayshia let a scorpion crawl on her and Colton faced his fear by wrapping a snake around his neck. Joe deems them all worthy enough to survive the jungle and gives them one hour to find food and water. They are broken into three teams. . .(1) Hannah, Hannah, and Demi. . .(2) Onyeka, Sydney, Kirpa, and Caelynn. . .(3) Colton, Katie, Nicole, and Tayshia. The Hannah’s and Demi decide to circumvent the contest and head to civilization to collect their sustenance. Tayshia gets creative and sends Katie and Nicole out to hunt for food, while her and Colton seek out more water, which is code for “let me refresh you with my mouth”, which unbeknownst or beknowst to them, Katie and Nicole get to witness and I don’t mean in a Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior way. Bugs, water, and banana plants seem to be the cuisine of choice, until Demi and the Hannahs arrive with booze and burgers. In the end, Joe was wowed by Onyeka, Sydney, Kirpa, and Caelynn. I’m not sure what the prize was though, because in the end it was the cheeseburgers that Colton was taking a bite out of.

Now that the jungle has been washed off and civilization is back, it’s time for some cocktails. Tayshia gets Colton first and whether we think she was bitchy or creative for pulling Colton all to herself in the jungle, he lets her know how much it meant to him for her to do it and then he shows her. Hannah is ready to take the plunge and show Colton what love would look like with her, Hot Mess Express and all. She is the first one of the season to tell Colton that she is falling in love with him, which earned her a little bit of lovin from him. Onyeka and Demi decide to head off and have a pow wow. According to Onyeka, before Elyse left she pulled her aside and told her something regarding Nicole, which Onyeka took as Elyse trusting her to be bold enough to tell Colton. Onyeka does start the tattling discussion off by telling Colton how much fun she had and how happy she is to be there with him, especially knowing how hard it was for him when Elyse left. She then tells him that Nicole told Elyse that she decided to do the show so she could have an opportunity to leave Miami, which by hearing this, only grows Colton’s fears more. He then decides to pull Nicole aside and find out her side. She denies everything that Onyeka said. When the scene cuts back to the girls, Onyeka is telling them what went down and Tayshia then says that she was there for that conversation and Nicole never said that. What she said is that you have to take opportunities and they could change your life. In fact, Tayshia goes on to say that Nicole never said anything about getting out of Miami, which I’m prone to believe since that’s where her twin brother lives. Nicole gets back to the girls and confronts Onyeka, who then isn’t as pumped up about her news, but still says that she was just telling Colton what Elyse told her. Tayshia has to remind Onyeka yet again, that she was there and that was never said. Onyeka tells the cameras that Colton was appreciative of the honesty. What I don’t understand is why Tayshia doesn’t just go to Colton and tell him the truth. Let’s get to the stuff we came for. In the end, it pays off to profess your love, because Hannah B. has once again been gifted with a date rose. 

 

“I’m looking for love deeper than the sea.” I have to admit, I may be just as excited for this date as Cassie. Going in, Colton already knows that this is gonna be a great date and then tells the camera what this BXTCH has been saying for weeks. . .their chemistry is so natural and it’s just so easy being with her. They head off for a day at their very own private island. Which Colton does let us know that this island is in the middle of the ocean and that’s when this BXTCH has to say, “Aren’t all islands?”. And right from the boat leaving, the kissing begins and Colton takes any and every opportunity to grab and rub her ass that he can. He may be a virgin, but he ain’t inexperienced. Which he proves when he takes the frolicking into the ocean, you know where things are underwater and out of the camera’s reach. And now we know why Colton chose a secluded island for his date. All he wanted to do was connect with Cassie. He didn’t need to take her shopping or go bungee jumping or walk through the local market. All he wanted/needed was her. Cassie Underwood has a nice ring to it. 
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Just like that, it’s nighttime. And there is no table separating them, they have planted themselves, thigh to thigh on a loveseat. After lots and lots of kissing, they finally start to have a conversation and one of the things that Cassie is worried about is him being a virgin vs. her not being one. I’m confused on what her concern is, but from what I can gather, maybe her family doesn’t know or realize that she is no longer a virgin and she’s worried about how that is going to be perceived. The whole discussion was a bit strange to me, but it didn’t seem to phase Colton at all, they both let each other know that they’re safe with one another. I’m not too sure what it was all about. . .virginity and the lack thereof, family, community, safety. . .it was all in the mix. 

It’s Cassie who winds up in Colton’s bed, fully clothed. They talk about how it seems like they’ve known each other for so long and how strange that is, I guess them in bed kissing isn’t the right time to remind them that they were siblings in a past life. Colton does tell her that he is crazy about her, which is most likely code for “I’m falling in love with you.” I guess it goes without saying that Cassie was given the date rose. 

No sooner than Colton eliminated the Courtney vs. Demi and Tracy vs. Demi conflict, another one has flared up in the form of Onyeka vs. Nicole. Though as a quick reminder, it was Onyeka the one convincing Demi to take the Courtney issue to Colton, so there is definitely a common denominator. Tayshia gets her crack at Colton first and she uses her time to making wishes and lighting lanterns, which has the other girls a bit jealous. Demi puts a trust ring on his finger, she has a matching one and made a declaration to always being open and honest. Kirpa flossed his teeth. Hannah G. had a normal conversation and when it was Nicole’s turn, she was ready to lay it all out and that she does. And just when I thought that she did a good job telling Colton how she felt, she goes and tells him that Onyeka has been bullying her from the moment they met. And now it’s time for dad to intervene and get to the bottom of the situation. Onyeka denies the allegations that Nicole has made against her and once her conversation with Colton is over, one is about to begin with Nicole. Which escalates decibel by decibel until it spills over to Colton while he is trying to have a conversation with Katie, which then forces him into the conversation between Onyeka and Nicole, but once they talk louder and louder over one another, he gets up and walks away, with Onyeka hot on his heels. Both tried to talk to him, with him telling both that he needs time alone. And just like that, we’re hit with our very first “To Be Continued. . .” of the season.

 

“The most ferocious animal in the jungle is Hannah Beast.” -Hannah B.

“These other ladies can suck maggots, but me, I’m drinking champagne.” -Demi

“So Cassie, to the start of something very, very special.” -Colton

“Nicole’s literally a psycho.” -Onyeko

“. . .praise the Lord I’m not in the drama this time.” -Hannah B.

I am disappointed that Elyse chose to take herself out of the running. I’m sure it’s harder to put yourself into the situation than to just observe others doing it and maybe she didn’t think she would get this far and fall so fast, but I still feel like she could’ve given it a bit more time. I’m not sure what the expectation is when you’re dating a guy who happens to be dating multiple girls and flaunting it in front of you. . .but I also know that I have no desire to ever find out.

You know the chemistry is fierce when even the other girls are sitting around talking about it, which is what happened while Cassie was on her excursion with Colton. And nearly every girl has noticed it, which is probably why Elyse had such a hard time trying to find her place. I’m telling you BXTCHES. . .Cassie Underwood is starting to have a really nice ring to it. 

Nicole is 30 and Onyeka is 23, not that the age should matter, but one of them should know way better. I have no idea what was actually happening between them, it was hard to follow. I do think that they both fabricated whatever story that they brought to Colton and did it for the sole purpose of getting back at each other, which should tell Colton how mentally stable they both are. In my opinion, this is not entertaining. I don’t watch to see women put one another down, I wanna see the drama between The Bachelor and the contestants. I wanna see relationships grow and unravel. I wanna see women declare their undying love for a man, just to be sent home during the next episode. I don’t wanna see dumb ass arguments, I have MTV for that. 

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The Bachelor 2019 | Episode Four Re-Cap | 01.28.19

The Bachelor Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

The Bachelor Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

BXTCHES Gotta Warn: I’m a day late on this, which sometimes screams “THE STORY Of MY LIFE!”, but I am hoping to get through this in one sitting. Wish me luck. I don’t know much about this episode (haven’t watched yet), except that Caelynn will tell Colton her story of sexual assault, so I’m guessing it’s gonna be somewhat emotional. I also know that they are leaving the mansion and taking this show international. Let’s get it going.

Last Week: The Beauty Queen Showdown kinda happened last week. . .I don’t know if it’s the end or just the beginning, regardless it wasn’t very appetizing. The same story was being told by both girls and all it left me with was wanting to know more, because let’s face facts, there is always more. The episode started with 19 hopefuls and Colton sent home four (Catherine, Caitlin, Nina, and Erin), which means that our Bachelor will be taking 15 girlfriends on the road with him. Should make for some fun times. 

I don’t really know if I’m killing this or not, but as of this week, but I did turn in my best week, collecting 195 roses, bringing my overall total to: 520. The categories for week three were: Goes on a Group Date (5 points); Wears Sunglasses or Eyeglasses (5 points); Is Called “Manipulative” by Another Bachelorette (5 points); Kisses Colton (on the lips) (5 points); Exposed Bellybutton at the Pool Party (5 points); Receives a One-on-One Date Card (5 points); Receives a Rose (5 points); Finalist in Bachelor’s Strongest Woman Competition (10 points). My final results:

The Bachelor 2019 Fantasy League Results | Episode Four Re-Cap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.comThe Bachelor 2019 Fantasy League Results | Episode Four Re-Cap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

The categories for week four are: Goes on a Group Date (5 points); Eats Bullfrog, Eel, Pig’s Feet, or a Fish Eye (5 points); Refers to Demi by Name (5 points); Kisses Colton on the Lips (5 points); Receives a One-on-One Date (5 points); Wears Red Dress to the Rose Ceremony (5 points); Receives a Rose (5 points); Gets a Leech Applied to Her Body (10 points). My picks: The Bachelor 2019 Fantasy League Picks | Episode Four Re-Cap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.comThe Bachelor 2019 Fantasy League Picks | Episode Four Re-Cap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

On a side note, I’m patiently waiting for the category, Kisses Colton (not on the lips) and I hope it’s like worth 50 points.

While the girls are sitting around waiting for their leader (Chris) to tell them what’s on for the day, Alabama Hannah is telling the camera how emotionally exhausted she is and how everyone in the house knows her and Caelynn don’t like each other. . .girl, everyone in the world now knows and we will need a bit more information as to why. Once Chris arrives, he delivers a huge blow to Hannah’s ego, when he calls her Caelynn. He was asking how the pool party was for her and she tells him “not fun” because things were said about her that shouldn’t have been and she felt that she had to spend the majority of her time defending herself. I hate to revert back to grade school but, she started it. I’m confused on why she’s so upset with Caelynn when Caelynn was the one really having to defend herself. Some girls really are bitches. To say they are excited when Chris tells them that they’ll be meeting Colton in Singapore is an understatement.

To whomever thinks that it’s brilliant to have all the contestants stand on a balcony and shout, in this case they were saying goodbye to America and once in Singapore, hello to them, please stop. It’s way too corny and there’s no reason for them to tell us goodbye or anyone hello. I promise. 

“Let’s fall in love.” The first international one-on-one of the season goes to Tayshia and it’s getting pretty entertaining watching the girls fake their excitement for the one Colton chooses to spend one-on-one time with. I’m guessing ABC is trying to have The Bachelor engage more with the viewing audience because once again, Colton is doing some sort of a video diary where he explains that he’s not very far along in his relationship with Tayshia, which I’m guessing is why she was chosen. He does end the video with “I hope we don’t die” and when they decide to go bungee jumping, his hope now makes much more sense. It’s cute when he realizes that this is a “legit bungee jump” and not just for show, I’m low key hoping one pukes on the other. A tandem jump would’ve been much more dramatic and maybe even added a rung on the relationship ladder for the two of them, but they went individually and neither died. . .or puked, which is surprising considering that Tayshia jumped feet first. The beach and a bit of making out is up next and it’s exactly what it sounds like. 

Tayshia is a bit nervous going into the nighttime, because she does have something to tell him. Spoiler alert: she was married before. Colton starts out by laying it on thick. Let me tell you, for someone who has never had sex, he knows just what to say if that was where he wanted to go. Back to Tayshia. . .she married her first boyfriend, she was with him for about six years. She does use the good ole. . .“Being a Christian woman you think like, you get married once and that’s gonna be it.” I have no doubt that she is strong in her faith and I even believe her when she says she thought she would get married just once. However, I take issue with someone using her Christianity as her sounding board to marriage and then choosing to go on a television show to find her husband, while that said man is dating 20 plus women. Now, I haven’t really read the Good Word and I’m quite sure this type of courtship is not mentioned anywhere between the covers, but I am pretty confident when I say that Jesus don’t like this. Also, she was married and divorced within a year and a half, to her first boyfriend. That seems pretty life altering. Why rush into another marriage? Especially without some discovery first. She was with him for six years, she hasn’t really even been with Colton for six days, but is hoping that he deems her worthy enough to meet her at an alter. Colton takes it all well, he’s doing a really good job with the ladies when it comes to saying the right words and this was no exception. In the end, he does offer her the date rose and dreams of engagement rings are alive and well. Last up for the night is a ride on a massive Ferris wheel. 

During her confessional, Tayshia admits to not being this excited about a relationship in a very long time and based on that comment alone, I think it’s time for some sort of flag to be thrown. Let’s recap. She was married and divorced all within the last year and a half. She was married to her very first boyfriend, someone that she was with for six years, she is 28, so regardless of how short the marriage was, that’s still a chunk of her adult life she has to mourn. How many potential relationships have there been? And I think she’s probably already falling in love. 

“Let’s get a taste of Singapore.” Hannah G., Elyse, Kirpa, Sydney, Heather, Onyeka, Tracy, Nicole, Demi, Courtney, Katie, Cassie, and Hannah B., which leaves Caelynn the one chosen for the second one-on-one for the night and Alabama Hannah one pissed off beauty queen. Clearly she has forgotten that she was the first one-on-one of the season. Demi also has a lot to say, thinking that Caelynn was only chosen because of her feud with Hannah and how unfair that more of Colton’s time and energy is being spent revolved around just two girls and she doesn’t keep her opinion to herself. But back to group date. As soon as Colton was spotted, Demi took off like she was at the Olympics and Colton was the finish line. Now, I’m just an outsider looking in but clearly Demi hasn’t learned to read body language, because this isn’t something Colton is very comfortable with, which he shares in his confessional. He didn’t call Demi out, but did say that group dates are hard because his time is divided and he doesn’t really like to show “physicality” to a girl while the others can see. As uncomfortable as it may make him, he doesn’t put a stop to it, not when he’s giving her a piggy back ride and not when she suggests that just he and her get a picture made. 

The date is finally kicking off and the first stop is leech therapy and this BXTCH would have to bow out of that round. After watching Stand By Me as a kid, no thank you. Fortune telling is next and Cassie is the one chosen. They find out that in a past life, they were siblings. Should make for an interesting hometown date. All the while, Hot Mess Express is reading every verbal and non verbal cue from Colton as a sign that he’s just not that into her. Lunch is next and the menu is full of bullfrog, pig’s feet, fish eye, and eel. In an effort to prove her undying love for the man of her dreams, Hannah B., tosses a fish eye into her mouth with the hopes that she moves up a couple of notches. 

There are 13 girls on this date, so time is limited. It doesn’t take Hannah G. long to whisk Colton away for some alone time and hopefully a chance to get back on his radar. Once again, those left looking on are shocked that he was grabbed so quickly. I just wanna know what show do they think they’re on, because they clearly don’t know how this game is played. However, Hannah going first gives the others time to talk about the beauty queen issue. She lays out all of her concerns and he lets her know that he has decided that if her and Caelynn don’t get along, that’s between them and as long as it doesn’t affect his relationship with either, then he’s good. And things are back to normal when he finally gives her a kiss without being asked. Once again, Cassie and Colton have a chemistry that I think has yet to be matched. The familiarity with one another, the playfulness, even the way they make out, seems as far away from unforced as one could get. In the meantime, Courtney is about to give herself an anxiety attack. Not that I’m in a position to go out on the prowl, but if I were, her and I could not do that together, because one of us would need to be chill and not so wound up. She made it evident tonight that it wouldn’t be her and I worry about what even the mailman thinks about me, so I’m out. Maybe we could invite Demi. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t voluntarily agree with Demi, but when she says that Courtney needs to get out of her own head and she hasn’t really done anything to get time with Colton, she’s spot on. And speaking of Demi, she may not be my fav, but no one on the crew could help a sister out by blotting her face a little. Either it’s really hot there or the her face powder isn’t doing its job. Anyhow, she tries to force some tears when she tells Colton that her mom was released from federal prison that week, which I get. . .not easy to talk about, BUT if you go all the way back to the first episode, she talked about it with a smile on her face and even boasted about how her mom would be out in time for hometowns. So, it may seem that the girl is trying to put away the ridiculousness and tap into Colton’s softer side. She also believes that based on that conversation and Colton’s reaction, he definitely has feelings for her. Oh and he cares about her too. Courtney is continuing to prove that she is just not cut out for the show and even though Demi tries to give her advice by telling her to just make a move, she chooses to wait for him to come to her, which spoiler alert, it doesn’t happen. Meanwhile, to prove her point, Demi knowing that Courtney hasn’t had her chance with Colton (and in all fairness, refuses to take it) jumps at the opportunity for round two. Her makeup has definitely been touched up, so kudos to whoever made that happen. Now I’m not a big fan of Demi (clearly), but if Courtney has the balls to confront her about taking a second round with Colton before she’s even had her first, why couldn’t she just seek out Colton and get some time? And during the discussion with Demi, she brings up Demi’s age and references her maturity level and though it pains me to say this, the only child in that room was Courtney. One thing I can agree with Demi on is that everyone has the same end goal and that’s Colton, if you make friends along the way, great, but that shouldn’t be priority number one. And in fairness to Demi, she did try and tell Courtney to get her time and Courtney just sat there. I think she needs sympathy from people and is willing to risk time with Colton to get it, because at this point, it’s almost like she didn’t seek him out on purpose. She clearly wants to be chased and she’s on the wrong show for that shit, this is like an 80/20 relationship right now, with the women playing the part of 80. Things aren’t looking better when Colton hands Demi the date rose and once he leaves she talks and talks and talks and talks about it. That girl is making some friends for sure. Meanwhile, Courtney is busy crying off all of her make-up in the bathroom. 


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“I’ve been waiting for this special day for so long. Meet me downstairs. . .” Jealousy is on the menu because it’s time for Caelynn’s one-on-one date. We do find out through confessionals that Alabama Hannah did not clap for Caelynn at the Miss USA pageant. . .jealousy really doesn’t look good on her and it’s starting to appear that maybe Caelynn is the truth teller in this feud. Back to the date. First up is some shopping. It’s cute that Colton is leading her to believe that he’s the one footing the bill. Once they hit up the stores and she starts her fashion show, even I wouldn’t be surprised if they were to wind up in one of the dressing rooms rubbing one out of each other. And I will also say this, that BXTCH is gonna definitely show off one of those gowns during a rose ceremony, if only to gut Hannah, though I predict it would gut them all. And you know things are pretty damn special when you get to go back to the hotel, showing off all that he showered you with BEFORE you go back out with him for the night. This is clearly eating the others alive. Especially those who think/know that they are in good with Colton. Cassie is not handling this well, but the good girl in her makes sure to tell the camera how happy she is for Caelynn. She’s gonna make Colton so happy.

Nighttime is upon them, and going in, we know that Caelynn is gonna talk about some serious stuff with Colton. Knowing that she was sexually assaulted in college, it’s safe to assume that’s where she’s headed. She starts things off by telling Colton how happy he makes her and how she feels really good with him. She even says that if it were anyone else in his place, she doesn’t think she would still be there. Her story is horrifying and I don’t wanna give out every detail, but in October 2014 her and some friends went to a party where their drinks were drugged. She wakes up the next morning naked, knowing something terrible happened. She finds out that not only were her friends raped, but so was she. Another guy took advantage to her being passed out on the couch and lifted her dress while taking pictures. Only one guy got expelled. She went almost an entire year before opening up to her mother, but once she did, her mother saved her. She does tell him that the assault shaped her, but only by making her stronger. Colton listens and lets her know that she is safe with him, which she acknowledges. Here’s the thing I think we sidestep a lot. Even when a victim of sexual assault has worked through the emotional pain and find themselves in a good place, they are forced to relive it every time they enter into a relationship with someone, because they have to tell their story. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone to go into an intimate situation not knowing what could cause a trigger. He does tell her that he’s been in a relationship with someone who was sexually abused and how hard it was to watch the pain she would go through. And this was the first conversation where his virginity gets brought up and it’s not in a joking manner and it was brought up by him. After that, of course she gets the rose.

The standout about this party is it’s not in a house, it’s in a hotel, which means he gets to bring the ladies back to his room and first up is Hannah G. She says she’s feeling good about their relationship and she makes a commitment to him that she is gonna work on opening up more. When the making out starts, we’re quickly reminded that they ain’t on no couch, they are in his bed, which means they can move around and straddle one another. Caelynn decides to put the bullshit to bed and have a talk with Hannah B., so she pulls her aside. In the end, apologies were given and accepted. They have both decided to put the past in the past and they even hug it out in the end. Courtney may say that she feels better and she’s more optimistic, but her face says doom and her underlying tone says jealously. Onyeka puts a bug into Demi’s ear that Courtney may very well let Colton in on what went down between the two of them, so she takes the chance first by telling Colton that Courtney is the cancer of the house and she is not deserving of his heart. Right in the middle of the makeout sesh, Courtney enters the room. This is a fucking mess and that’s putting it nicely. It’s almost like they have ran to daddy to tattle and once again I will say, cut em’ both loose. But Colton does tell Courtney, after she tattled on Demi, what Demi said about her and of course her reaction is to tell him that Demi doesn’t belong. Like I said, a fucking mess. She goes on to to tell him that Demi has said that this is a game and she is there to play. Colton is torn and if there is any doubt, I don’t understand why he just doesn’t get someone in there that he really trusts and ask them to lay it out. Things are clear when he just offers Courtney a hug and not a kiss. And if he really wanted to get the scoop, he should’ve just stood outside the hotel room door and listened to it go down between the two of them. In the end, they both showed their age. . .23, Courtney just did it a lot more calmly. 

We already know that there’s gonna be tension and of course Courtney and Demi are standing right next to each other. I’m not Demi’s biggest fan, but even I can recognize that she made some good points when giving advice to Courtney. But she just helps Courtney’s claim about her maturity level when she decides to put her rose between her teeth and flaunt it, knowing Courtney is right next to her. . .that is her age showing. We started the episode with 15, we will be ending it with 13. Time is really flying by.

The Bachelor 2019 Rose Ceremony | Episode Four Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.comThe Bachelor 2019 Rose Ceremony | Episode Four Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.comThe Bachelor 2019 Rose Ceremony | Episode Four Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.comThe Bachelor 2019 Rose Ceremony | Episode Four Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

“Me and Colton have had a lot of firsts together already. So, could Colton leave his virginity in Singapore? Maybe.”-Demi

“Where is Singapore?”-Hannah G.

“You guys wanna pet my leech?”-Colton

“That’s not a kiss that a sister would give. Not that I would know.” -Colton

“. . .Courtney puts the ass in class.” -Demi

“Ding dong the bitch is dead.” -Demi

 

My train is still parked in Cassie’s station, but after his date with Caelynn, I do think they are much closer than they were and they were pretty close prior. I also believe that there may be a part of him that knows there will be no sexual pressure if she were to make it to the Fantasy Suites and I’m thinking that may have their relationship flowing a bit more fluid.

Let’s talk about Demi. I’m not a fan, I do agree that she is entertaining and she does give me some good quotes, I just think that she is trying to channel Corrine and SHE cannot be replicated. I do agree with Courtney when she talked about her maturity level, Demi is definitely not high on that scale. I think some 23 year olds are mature for their age, she isn’t one of them. However, I do believe that she was probably coddled most of her life, considering her mom was in prison, which could not have been easy on her. But she was the one telling anyone who would listen that she wasn’t there for the girls, she was there for Colton. If that’s true, then her sole reason for calling Courtney a cancer, was to get rid of her, once again showing her age.

I wasn’t really sad to see Courtney go, I don’t think she had a connection with Colton that screamed “RELATIONSHIP!”, but I also think her personality isn’t the type that’s gonna flourish on this kind of show. She wasn’t willing to seek Colton out and unless you have a particular mystery about you that keeps The Bachelor curious, that type of approach is never gonna work. Also, she didn’t use what she had at her disposal. . .she’s has her own catering company and even an instagram devoted just to her cooking. . .GIRL, WHY DIDN’T YOU COOK FOR HIM?! Girls tend to bring out all the stops during cocktail parties, she should’ve used her skills. It may not have worked, but if cooking is something she’s passionate about, it would’ve come through. 

At this point in the season, if you have yet to have at least a couple of make-out sessions with Colton, you’re probably in jeopardy of leaving. With the exception of Heather. I don’t think Tracy or Courtney had even kissed Colton at this point and neither were doing a lot of work into making sure that their relationships was moving in a direction to get them there and in the end, they went home. . .single.

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The Bachelor 2019 | Episode Three Re-Cap 01.21.19

The Bachelor Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

BXTCHES Gotta Warn: Tonight’s episode promises to be filled with lots of drama, but we all know how ABC is when they dangle drama in front of us, it’s usually anti-climatic at best, so here’s hoping we get at least a couple of “What the fuck?” moments tonight. This week kicks off with 19 ladies vying for any opportunity to rub up against Colton or at the very least get a sneak peek at the goods. As always, it’s a two hour episode and the hubs has agreed to watch tv in another room, just so this BXTCH can get a good start on the re-cap. Let’s go.

Counselor Chris shows up asking how the first week went for the girls. . .lots of highs and lots of lows was the general feeling. His advice was once again to take advantage of the time they have with Colton. As if the air horns and pan banging last week wasn’t enough. With that advice we’re probably in for an even bigger headache. 

 

Week two categories: Receives a Rose (5 points); Goes on a group date (5 points); Gets a 1-on-1 date card (5 points); Receives a group date rose (5 points); Wins a sleep away camp night with Colton (5 points); Cries w/tears on face (5 points); Interrupts cocktail party chat w/a noisy prop (10 points); Kisses Colton on the lips (5 points).

My results:

Overall, I scored 160 points for week two, bringing my total to 325. This week (#3), the categories are: Goes on a Group Date (5 points); Wears Sunglasses or Eyeglasses (5 points); Is Called “Manipulative” by Another Bachelorette (5 points); Kisses Colton (on the lips) (5 points); Exposed Bellybutton at the Pool Party (5 points); Receives a One-on-One Date Card (5 points); Receives a Rose (5 points); Finalist in Bachelor’s Strongest Woman Competition (10 points). My lineup: 

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Tonight there will be THREE dates. Two group dates and one, one-on-one.

I’m wondering if they pluck these girls from a place where The Bachelor doesn’t even exist, because the shock that is displayed when it’s realized that not only is Colton dating numerous girls, but he is actually doing it in front of them, astounds me. Did they really think they were getting a nice vacay in a beautiful mansion, where every now and then a hot guy appears? #SignMeUp

“I’m looking for life’s greatest treasure.” Hoping to be just that this week are. . .Katie, Heather, Hannah B., Courtney, Kirpa, Tracy, Demi, and Caelynn. Alabama Hannah is none too pleased that her and Caelynn are sharing Colton on a date and a thought that never even occurred to me, until Hannah said it is. . .Miss USA wasn’t the first pageant where these two came into contact with one another. According to Hannah they have been competing against each other for years and with that info, fuck Dance Moms, I need a real pageant reality show. And no Toddlers and Tiaras shit, I need the real deal, grown ass women going up against one another in every single way. Whatever this date holds, the required uniform is once again, yoga pants and sports bras. I don’t know what the fuck is happening, but Colton is on a pirate ship with his shirt partially opened and these BXTCHES just remind me of why I’m so glad that I’m not single and in my twenties, because I don’t think I could do the fake scream/laugh that seems to be a prerequisite every season, not to mention they are about to dress up in pirate garb or is it wench garb? Either way it requires a costume and unless it’s around October 31 or in the bedroom, there is no way I’m dressing up in a costume for a date, especially a first one. Regardless, this seems to be the story of Captain Colton. They’re gonna train to be pirates and in the end, two will be chosen to compete for Colton. My guess right now, is either a Caelynn v. Hannah OR Tracy v. Demi final. It’s really just jousting, but Caelynn did some fencing (w/Colton) and slid down a rope (to Colton), but in the end, the two chosen are Tracy and Caelynn, which shocked even me (despite what I said earlier) because Hannah was kicking everyone’s ass on the joust, and we didn’t get to see anyone but Caelynn compete in the other pirate obstacles, so I’m not really sure on what or how you need to qualify, but our girl got screwed. Tracy and Caelynn have to compete in front of a full house, with legs of meat and all, Demi even tossed a turkey leg. It took me a hot minute to figure out what was going on, but the winner was whoever untied Colton first and in the end Miss North Carolina pulled it off and even sealed it with a kiss. We learned last week about Hannah’s insecurities and this win by her arch nemesis, may just send her downhill.

The evening portion of the date, takes the group to Big Daddy’s. . .enter your own prepubescent jokes here. Heather lets the camera know that feelings are developing for Colton and with each week that goes by, they just get deeper and deeper, though we’re only in week three. But she also says how hard it is to connect with him on the group dates. Umm. . .we’re in week two of the dating process, one week has gone by and this is only the second group date for Heather, I wonder if this little confessional made it into the wrong episode? Demi doesn’t get to him first tonight, that honor went to Katie. Their chemistry is awkward, but in a “we just started dating” kind of way, so it also makes it cute and hopefully authentic. Good Golly Miss Molly, the age argument is getting thrown down by Demi to Tracy, because apparently Demi thinks Tracy has already reached Medicare age. Demi tells Tracy that she would be worried if she was an “older girl surrounded by younger women”. Just to catch you up, there are an equal number of years between Colton and Tracy as there are between Colton and Demi. Colton is 27, Tracy is 31, and Demi is 23. But who really gives a fuck about these two, they ain’t getting Colton in the end anyways. Not that I know that for sure, but c’mon, I don’t see either of them standing in the end. The real question of the night is whether or not Heather will finally get her first kiss. Poor Courtney gets interrupted by Demi, who has her fake laugh down pat and decides that this group date would be a great time to introduce Colton to her inner Christian Grey. . .told you BXTCHES. She even pulls out a fake hand and tries to have it feel its way toward Colton’s good stuff. The spanking had me cringing, the fake hand feeling him up had me wondering who in the fuck gave her romance advice, I know her mom is in prison, but she has a step mom, somebody needs to step it up and do their job, because at this point, she would be smart to seek out any member of Colton’s Cougars and find out how it is one should act when they are trying to not just seduce a man, but be normal around one. And no, Heather has yet to receive her first kiss. 

Colton kicks off his moment with Caelynn by giving her a real kiss, because it appears that the one he laid on her when she won him, wasn’t one he was proud of, but there were no complaints from the beauty queen, so all is good. There was a lot of back and forth kissing and overall great chemistry between the two. Colton even confessed to the camera that she checks a lot of the boxes in what it is that he’s looking for in a relationship and while I think his connection with Katie is awkward but cute, he and Caelynn seem to flow without any sort of weirdness. Which is not gonna be music to Hannah’s ears, so hopefully when it’s her turn to strut her stuff, she will keep her shit on lockdown. 

Well so much for anything remaining on lockdown. Hannah is confiding in Heather about Caelynn, and Heather advises Hannah to tell Colton if she believes Caelynn isn’t who she says she is. Just a reminder that Heather has never even kissed a guy, which probably means that she has yet to enter into a relationship with one. . .you see where I’m going with this? Hannah says she is “befumbled” by the way Caelynn is being with Colton, and she just doesn’t know another word to use to describe how she feels. Well, how about a word that actually exists. Anywho, she takes Heather’s advise or maybe she was gonna go this route the entire time, but her talk with Colton leads her to telling him how Caelynn handled herself at the Miss USA pageant, which Colton seemed confused at what she was trying to say. He eventually had to put the words in her mouth. . .is she mean? Is she manipulative? Is she fake? And Hannah’s face had an all of the above look and she then lays it on him with. . .if you’re attracted to someone like her, how can you be into me? Let’s take a time out. Hannah may be my favorite when it comes to Hannah v. Caelynn, but it’s no wonder why the Hot Mess Express is still single. First, it is way too early in this season to lay that line on him and second, it is way too early in this season to lay that line on him. Which he lets her know when he says to her “It’s like that?” It doesn’t take Hannah long before she realizes that she may have gotten herself into something she won’t be able to pageant her way out of and that becomes even clearer when she has to ask him for a peck on the lips, one that he really did not want to give. 

Colton decides to get to the bottom of it and sweeps Caelynn away to talk. She tells him that they were friends, but being in a competitive environment, they handled things differently. A lot of that has to do with things she has gone through in her life that she has every intention of talking with him about, but not right at that moment. She wants to wait until their relationship progresses. I can only assume that she is referring to being sexually assaulted in college because even having a discussion about not discussing it yet, has brought on some legitimate tears that has Colton consoling her. In the end, Hannah may go up in flames, because all her confession did was have Caelynn explain about not being able to explain, which led Colton to give Caelynn the group date rose and more than just a peck on the lips.

Caelynn feels that her group date rose should be making her happy, but Hannah’s shenanigans has overshadowed her joy. She does say that she knew this was gonna happen when Hannah came on to the show, just not to that extent. Now, I know what Hannah did was shitty, but in the end, did she win? And, what extent did she think it was gonna get to, because in the grand scheme, it wasn’t all that bad and if Hannah is lying, then why worry? Girl, he made it clear how he felt about you, get it together. Heather is the only one in Hannah’s corner at the moment and she is wondering how it all went down. Hannah must’ve had a rough night and can’t really remember how it all went, because not only is our girl looking wrecked, but she tells Heather a little different version of what we saw. She even claims that Colton told her how much he likes her and what she was telling him was freaking him out. Now, he could’ve said that, but it definitely wasn’t shown. What we discover is what she really doesn’t want and that is to lose to Caelynn once again. And while I’m sure she’s attracted to Colton, he could very well be the tug in whatever war they are playing. 

Dear Hannah. . .girl, when looking for advice on how to approach a delicate subject with the one your dating, how about you stay clear of any girl that guy is dating. They just may not have your best intentions in mind, because spoiler alert, in order for me to eventually end my night in the same bed as him, I will need you gone.   P.S. It’s also way too early to start showing the crazy, reign it in. Love Merrie.

“Love is in the air.” Elyse is the envy of every girl in that mansion and if I were her, I would be offended at the shocked gasps that echoed when her name was read. But she’s the one with the one-on-one date this week, so that’s probably enough for her. The date is taking them by helicopter to San Diego and Belmont Park. #Romantic He then decides to freak her out by telling her that the date will actually be a group date. . .a group date with kids, which will give Colton a chance to give Elyse a peek into what it is that Colton does with his own charity. 
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Early on in this date, it is clear that Colton is in his element and Elyse’s clock probably started firing warning signals straight to her ovaries. He even takes it up a notch when he tells Elyse about his charity and his cousin and how he was inspired to use his platform as a football player to provide moments for sick kids. Moments that just allowed them to be kids, much like he is doing on this date. Elyse was worried about her being older than Colton, but in the end, I think he was the one smitten with her. And regardless of how this entire experience ends for her, this is a day she will never forget. 

He starts the night off with lots of compliments, but goes right for it when he wants to know what makes her, her. We learn about her sister who when pregnant with her second child, found out she had cancer, and with being pregnant there wasn’t much that could be done. In the end, she blessed the world with a child, but lost her life. Her family has started to get through some of the pain by starting a charity in her sisters honor, Sarah’s Closet. They hit it off, he is clearly attracted and enamored by her and even says that “This moment with Elyse is one of the best moments that I’ve had so far and I want to hold on to it forever.” In the end he showed it by not only gifting her the rose, which is her second date rose by the way, but by also giving her a mini make-out session. They then get their obligatory live concert by Tenille Arts, where they get to put their dancing and kissing skills on display for all to see. 

“For every strong man, there is an even stronger woman.” That message has been delivered to: Tayshia, Nina, Catherine, Sydney, Onyeka, Cassie, Nicole, and Caitlin. That leaves Hannah G. and Bri on the outside looking in this week. While I think girls know what they’re doing when they flaunt what their mama or the gym or even a doctor gave them, guys know as well. They all know how stupid we get struck when we can see how hard they work for their body and Colton may be virginized, but he ain’t no fool. He knows exactly what he’s doing by working out shirtless when the girls pull up. I’m wondering how many girls Onyeka had to knock out of the way in order to be the first girl of the season to do the run and jump. . .around Colton’s waist. This date seems to be centered around fitness and Colton’s love of working out. #CountMeOut Who the fuck thinks it’s a good idea to work out for one of your first dates? I don’t know what’s in store yet, but this ain’t like Chase and Jojo doing yoga, that was sexy as fuck. . .well, maybe it’ll be a little sexy if Colton continues to remain shirtless. This date is being brought to us by Terry and Rebecca Crews, who have been married for 29 years. Sydney, being a dance and fitness instructor, is in her element and Catherine isn’t far behind, being a black belt in some sort of martial arts. Sydney takes advantage of her prowess when she needs Colton for a “hamstring” stretch. #WeWouldNeedItTooGirl 

Now it’s time for a competition, and you guessed it. . .it’s in front of a crowd. This is being brought to us by Chris Harrison and Fred Williard and I think this may be his third season (in a row) to make an appearance. After pushing a 100 lb. wedding cake, an engagement ring (large tire) flip, and a limo pull, in the end, it was Sydney, Catherine, and Onyeka competing in the final with Onyeka earning the trophy of Bachelor’s Strongest Woman. It may have earned her the opportunity to get into the limo with Colton, but it didn’t earn her a kiss, which is kind of telling considering that he not only kissed Caelynn when she won on her group date, but gave that kiss a re-do because he thought he robbed her of some good stuff. 

Tayshia gets her crack at Colton first and her main priority is to ensure Colton that she is there for him and low key, she really wants that date rose. They talk about strong women empowering other women and how a strong man needs a strong woman, whatever, all the talk about strength must’ve hit Colton’s sweet spot because he sealed the convo with a kiss. Caitlin is talking with the girls about the pressure that is being felt through this whole experience, which is compounded more by not getting a lot of time with Colton. Since talking about her brother last week didn’t push her over the rose bush, Nicole is pulling the grandma card tonight. Colton strokes her mental strength, because after watching her attempt to use her physical dexterity, even he knew not to go there. In the end, she also gets a kiss, which earns him a “gracias papi”. Because of her win, Colton brings Onyeka a piece of cake. He does tell the camera that she has a contagious energy and nothing feels forced with her, but he still hasn’t kissed her, so I’m wondering if she may be getting shifted to the friend zone and is being kept around because she’s good tv. He’s feeling it with Cassie. He even admits to getting butterflies when he is around her. And they ain’t on no couch talking about strong women needing strong men, he is up against a window with her between his legs, it’s a very “I’m familiar with you” stance and the kiss is anything but awkward and fumbly. #LookOutCaelynn He admits to the camera that his relationship with Caitlin is definitely behind, which she also admits to him. He tries to steer the discussion to her giving him more about who she is, but when he asks her what it is she is looking for, what makes her ready to commit right now. . .all she can give him is how she is looking for someone who can go out with her and her friends and have a “really ridiculous and silly evening” and she would be happy to open up to him about that, you start getting the feeling that maybe Caitlin isn’t gonna be gifted the title of Mrs. Underwood. To give him credit, he did try to get deeper into who she is, he even asked what an intimate night with her family is like and she giggled because he used the word intimate and family in the same sentence, which is when he lets her know that he’s not even gonna be able to gift her with another night. He didn’t even ask if he could walk her out, he said “I would like to walk you out”. But she finds some strength when he tries to hold her hand and she tells him to back the fuck up. Just joking, she didn’t say that, but she did deny him the hand hold. I love it when they don’t fuck around. Well Caitlin, there always Paradise. In the end, grandma pulled it out for Nicole, because she has her first date rose. 

When word makes it around that he sent Caitlin home in the middle of the group date, like all good women, the obsession begins. If he can just up and send her home, what about them?

Chris shows up at the mansion while the girls are busy discussing the ins and outs of Caitlin being sent home and he announces that in lieu of a cocktail party, there will be a pool party. Colton arrives and tells the ladies that based on some conversations over the week, he is starting to question his instincts. Which is code for “I’m talking to you Alabama Hannah”. I’m guessing one of the main purposes of the pool party is to get some clarification. Hannah G. gets to him first, which is pretty important to her because she is one of two who didn’t get a date this week. I personally don’t think she has anything to worry about, considering their chemistry up to this point, but crazier things have happened. He puts her mind at ease, letting her know that the only reason she didn’t get a date is because he is confident in what they have. Alabama Hannah and her only friend in the house, Heather, are discussing the plan Hannah has to try and solve the Caelynn issue, which is the exact time that Colton decides to prance Caelynn right in front on them. They’re not in a well populated area, they’re pretty isolated, so it was kind of a petty thing to do. Heather is trying to convince her to say something to Colton because what if Caelynn talks about Hannah to him. It’s all very junior high and I’m just about out of patience with these two. I love the drama, but this isn’t even juicy. . .and it doesn’t help when Hannah makes this velociraptor noise indicating that the beast is about to be unleashed. She’s gonna be so much fun on Paradise. 

Caelynn uses her time with Colton to give her side of the Hannah situation and it’s basically the same issue but a different person telling the story. Colton lets her know that since he has had a          one-on-one with Hannah, he didn’t see that side of her. Someone should tell Colton, if a female is actually vindictive and manipulative (don’t know that she is), then you’re most likely not gonna see those qualities on your first date with her. I don’t like the tattle telling and back and forth, but if there was ever a time for Caelynn to bring this to Colton, doing it already having a rose is the best move. Colton is now taking this discussion to Hannah because he needs to move past this bullshit. His concern is Caelynn using the words, manipulative, toxic, and deceitful to describe Hannah. She claims that they’re lies and she then tells him that Caelynn is fake and can put on whatever facade she needs to in order to get the job done. At this point, I don’t know who he believes, he leaves the conversation and the next thing we know, he’s talking to a producer. Other girls are now freaking out, because the entirety of the pool party seems to be taken up by one issue. No worries BXTCHES, Counselor Chris steps in to try and talk Colton off whatever metaphorical ledge he has placed himself on. We quickly transition from the bikinis and cocktails to evening gowns and roses.

We started the night with 19 and Caelynn, Nicole, and Elyse all have date roses. . .that leaves 16 girls praying to the bridal gods and since at least half of the girls didn’t even get a chance to climb on his shoulders for a game of chicken in the pool, much less get a chance to speak with him, there are lots of concerned wanna be brides. On another note, maybe that’s how the Caelynn v. Hannah showdown should’ve been solved, a nice game of chicken. I was watching Jerry Springer today and two best friends had crushes on the same guy and they played a friendly match of flip cup to see who would be taking up residence in his heart and they even hugged it out in the end. So see, love triangles can work out. . .just look to Springer.

 

“Hello Colton. Life’s greatest treasure is standing right in front of you.” -Demi

“He friggin’ hates me.” -Hannah B.

“I’m a smitten kitten right now.” -Elyse

“I’m not the most athletic of the bunch. No, but I walk my dog.” -Nicole

“Sydney, she’s making stretching look like dirty dancing. And Colton’s not a stretching virgin anymore.” -Cassie

“If you’re not first, you’re last. Remember that.” -Onyeka

“Just freaking trust me. I’m telling you the truth.” -Hannah

The good news. . .Catherine gets her dog back. I thought Catherine was gonna be the villain of the season, that was a disappointment. However, I did like her.

Even though he gifted her with a rose, the episode ends with a very upset Alabama Hannah. Her pain is being caused by the rift with Caelynn, but I’m not sure what the real issue is, because she is the one who brought the whole thing up to Colton. Would Caelynn have eventually gone there? Maybe, but she didn’t and now it’s Hannah looking like the fool. Not that I have experience with tons of guys, I’ve been with my husband since I was 18, but one thing I do know. . .men don’t give the first fuck about catty girl issues and the fact that Colton is having to spend a day sorting through that mess instead of enjoying the view, he can’t be too terribly happy. I know this makes for good tv, but in the end the crazy starts to show and is that really the identifier any girl wants?

As of now, my favorite is Cassie. And I’m just gonna leave that right here. 

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The Bachelor 2019 | Episode Two Re-Cap | 01.14.19

The Bachelor Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.comBXTCHES Gotta Warn: Tonight is the episode that really kicks it all off. The process has begun. The hunt for Mrs. Underwood is underway. I do enjoy a two hour episode on entertainment value alone, however, two hours is a long time to process thoughts and take those thoughts to the keyboard. So, instead of watching, then rewatching to re-cap. . .I’m gonna watch and type, so I could very well contradict myself as I go. 

We are doing things all kinds of different this season. The show begins with Colton doing a personal diary type of video kicking off day #1 of the season, the group date day. And no sooner than me typing how things were going different this season, the camera pans to the girls hanging out on the balcony, shouting “COLTON” for all to hear. It looks like some shit will never change. It doesn’t take long for Chris to show up and hand out the first date card. Before that though, he chats a bit with the ladies and advises them to take advantage of the time with Colton when you can find it, because basically time alone with Colton is where it is at. So, clearly there wasn’t enough interruptions on night one and Chris has been instructed to make it happen.

Week one is in the books and this BXTCH didn’t do too shabby. The categories for week one were:  Receives a Rose (5 points); Receives the First Impression Rose (5 points); Brings a gift or uses a prop for her entrance (5 points); Wears something that sparkles (5 points); Cries (tears rolling); Wears the same dress as another woman to the rose ceremony (5 points); Speaks to Colton in a language other than English (5 points); Kisses Colton on the lips (10 points). Eight categories, you pick 10 contestants to fall into one or more of the categories. For each one you correctly guess, that girl gets a rose. Here are my results:

Overall, I scored 165 points with Hannah G. scoring the most at 30. This week (#2) the categories are: Receives a Rose (5 points); Goes on a group date (5 points); Gets a 1-on-1 date card (5 points); Receives a group date rose (5 points); Wins a sleep away camp night with Colton (5 points); Cries w/tears on face (5 points); Interrupts cocktail party chat w/a noisy prop (10 points); Kisses Colton on the lips (5 points). My lineup: 

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“You never forget your first date.” That clue belongs to. . .Demi, Bri, Tracy, Elyse, Hannah G., Nicole, Onyeka, and Catherine. I’m a little shocked that he has only picked eight girls for the first group date, considering that there are 23 remaining, but I’m also kinda diggin’ it, the less the merrier. . .I hope. ABC is bringing out the big stars from the get go. This group date is being brought to us by Megan Mullally and Nick Offerman and is all about firsts. Now I know this isn’t going to be a sexually driven date, but c’mon, aren’t we really playing with this virgin theme a bit too much? Megan’s story was titled “The First Time I [bleeped] Someone”, I can only assume that the [bleep] is “fucked” and after she tells her story, I’m sure of it. Nick goes on to tell a story of the first time he “gardened”. You can just use your imagination there. Now it’s time for the ladies to work on stories of their own that focus on a significant first in their life. The point of the exercise is to share an important detail of their life with Colton, letting him in just a bit more, which sounds promising. Yeah, I don’t the ladies understood the purpose. They will not only be sharing their story with Colton, but with an audience of 200 people as well. Nicole seems to maybe have the early edge since she writes for a living, but if she were to get a case of stage fright, then all could be lost. Colton is really feeling Hanna G., not only did she get the first impression rose, but he is also giving her advice for her performance, telling her that if she gets nervous to block everyone else out and just imagine he’s the only one in the room. 

Colton gets things going by telling the story of his virginity and how uncomfortable he is speaking his truth. The story revolves around the first time he told a teammate the truth about his sexual experience. Allegedly, Colton had a teammate that thought it was okay to ask him how many girls he had slept with. Colton decided then and there to own his truth. It was a great story and all, but who in the hell thinks it’s okay to just ask someone how many girls they’ve been with? Anyway, Elyse is the first of the ladies to go and her story revolved around her first time dating a younger man (Colton), her usual go to is men that are older, as many years as 13, she is 31. I think we need to finally get an answer to whether or not, this early on, anyone is actually dating. You are on a date, but theoretically, it could be your last one and I feel that the word dating implies more than one date (at least). But Elyse was very charming and funny. She even ended it by telling Colton that she could teach him a thing or two, because that’s what all men want to hear. Now it’s time to see Nicole’s storytelling skills. We didn’t get to hear a lot of it. Her first was about the whitest bread she has ever tasted and I’m pretty sure she wasn’t speaking about the loaf kind. But I also don’t remember her kissing Colton on night one, so who knows, maybe Wonder Bread does it for her. I have no idea the first Hannah G. was trying to convey. She talked about being ignored at school dance after school dance, but then Colton gave her the best rose she has every received. And I got stop right here and dig up the goods, because I ain’t got nothing against a hot BXTCH, work your shit girl, you earned it. But I cannot stand a hot bitch who tries to take the one thing us plain BXTCHES got going for us and that’s rejection. That’s our playground and I am not sharing my swing with anyone. Hannah is currently 23, the picture below is from 2012, which would put her around 16-17. Now I ask you, does this look like someone who was rejected school dance after school dance?

Bri talked about the first time she felt comfortable in her own skin. Onyeka talked about the first time she saved someone from drowning in some bitches. Catherine talked about the first time she was the bitch Colton was drowning in and someone tried to save him, but how she’s a good swimmer akin to Michael Phelps, so there was never a real threat of Colton drowning. She didn’t even have to write her story down, she went freestyle. Tracy starts to talk about her first time trying to date a virgin, but don’t worry, she’s not talking about Colton. She went all the way back to her sophomore year of college and how her and another girl were gonna compete for the president of a fraternity, who happens to be the virgin. The other girl punched her and got to capture the flag first, but Tracy did get her chance to mattress dance with him and according to him, it was the best sex he had ever had. Though I’m guessing no one had the heart to tell her that his sample size was quite small, but good for Tracy. Last up is Demi and even I can’t wait to hear what she has to say. Let’s just sum it up like this. When Demi sees something she wants, she’s bold enough to go and get it. Which then leads her into the audience, taking Colton by the hand and planting one on him in front of God and the girls. Someone needs to catch this girl up, clearly she hasn’t heard of the #MeToo movement. And though I was embarrassed for her and felt a bit of compassion for Colton, I was not disappointed. However, I don’t think the girls were dazzled. Especially when she ends by telling the crowd how that was the story of how she got the first group date rose. . .on a group date that has yet to end. Earlier Nick asked Colton who the crazy one was, I think we may have our answer. 

Cocktail party kicks off with a Colton Pep Talk and then the gloves come off and even though Tracy was hoping to grab him first, Demi beat her to the punch and if you’re keeping score, it’s Demi-2 everyone else-0. Last week I said that I see a Beauty Pageant Two-on-One in the future, and while that may still happen, it’s looking more and more like a Tracy vs. Demi showdown. While the girls are pretty shocked that Demi one upped them again, the good news is that there is only EIGHT girls, so everyone should get their chance to sit down and try their hardest to give Colton the wet dream of his life. While the other girls feel as though Demi forced the kiss (#MeToo and #MeAlso), Colton appreciated the confidence. Demi is trying to either convince Colton or us that she is a “total woman supporter”, I’m not buying it, but I’m also not the one kissing her in the next breath, so clearly Colton is sold. I don’t know much about Tracy, other than the basics and her fat shaming tweets, but she has the look of a woman that would cut a bitch and when Demi comes out and picks up the group date rose as if it already belongs to her, Tracy gives her a look that says Demi should probably sleep with one eye open. We learn from Elyse that all the ladies 27 and over, share the same room, penned as The Cougar Den and call themselves Colton’s Cougars. Colton was impressed with Elyse’s performance, calling it “sexy”. Their conversation flowed well enough to earn Elyse not only a kiss, but a little tongue as well. Let me stop here and admit that Colton seemed a bit more at ease with Becca. I know it’s only the second episode, but having already played the game, I would think it would flow better for him. And while I know that first kisses aren’t always jolting with electricity, so far his seem to be awkward. I’m really gonna need for that to get better. In the meantime, Tracy is taking the rose touching business a bit far. It’s not the rose that the Beast has hidden in the West Wing for fuck’s sake. It’s not cursed because she touched it and while I think Demi was a tad immature, Tracy is taking it further. Tracy confronted Demi and Demi is “totally sorry”. Problem solved. Demi thinks that she’s gonna play the role of Christian Grey while Colton will fill the bill of Ana really well. I will back up a bit and swallow some of my words, because his chemistry with Hannah G., is pretty strong. It appears (so far) that they are in the beginning stages of a relationship or at the very least, dating. And there really isn’t too much awkwardness when he kisses her. Nicole discusses her family and how much they mean to her and her conversation went so well that SHE is ready to propose. Tracy tells him how her age has helped her know what it is she wants in a partner and Bri shared the photo booth with him. In the end the one who made the best impression and gets awarded the group date rose was Elyse. Demi was left confused and disappointed and Nicole was left with a tear streaked face because even though Colton made her feel comfortable enough to share that she has a twin brother who is autistic, she actually thought by sharing that bit of personal information would guarantee her the rose. Evidently she has never seen the show. 

“True love is on the horizon” and Alabama Hannah has been awarded the first one-on-one date of the season. Time for a little history. I’ve only been watching The Bachelor since 2016 (Ben). His first one-on-one date went to Caila, who made it to the fantasy suites, but finished third that year. Nick gave his first one-on-one to Danielle M., who didn’t even make it to hometowns. Arie treated Becca to his first, but we all know how that turned out. The point? If history tells us anything, things aren’t looking too good for Hannah. Not only did this date happen on her birthday, but she finally did beat Miss North Carolina and by the look on Caelynn’s face. . .this pageant is far from over. 

Prior to the would be groom arriving, the girls admit to one another that jealousy is starting to settle in. Actually Onyeka is the one who admits it, the others just nod in agreeance. If they are jealous, they ain’t showing it because surely they are aware that Colton will show up to the mansion to pick Hannah up, therefore having an encounter with everyone. Wouldn’t this be the perfect time to see if you can influence his head to swing your way. . .all puns intended. These BXTCHES look like they just rolled out of bed and I don’t know if I’m shocked or impressed. Hannah wastes no time letting Colton know that the day is actually her birthday and based solely on that interaction alone, I already know that she is someone who is gonna need affirmation loud and often. She is going to require the standard social media posts about how lucky his is and she’ll pose for a “candid” shot, then post it with “my boo caught me napping”. . .no worries, she will certainly reciprocate the love. If you’re wondering what it is that Colton looks for first in a girl, it’s eyes then teeth and Miss Alabama can place both of those attributes in the plus column. Now it’s time to mount. . .horses.

Hannah confesses to the camera that one of her “flaws” is her confidence and her need for everything to be perfect and if it isn’t, then she thinks she’s horrible (her word). She sometimes doesn’t feel good enough and while she is more aware of that, it is something she struggles with. It’s when she starts doubting herself that things start to spiral.

We kick off with a birthday toast and Colton’s goes very well, it’s when he puts her on the spot that one begins to wonder how she ever made it through the interview process in any beauty pageant, much less made it all the way to the Miss USA stage. Bless her heart, she wouldn’t have been able to string together a sentence if Colton promised to lay her down and blow her back out right there. Our girl was struggling and I’m afraid her earlier words just may have been a premonition of what’s to come.

When she tells Colton (in the hot tub) that the date is probably the most romantic she’s ever been on, even Colton gave her a “really?”. Say it again Colton. Their hot tub talk should’ve been somewhat sexy and flowy, especially since she has already told him how romantic the date is, but all she’s doing in smiling. . .like a lot. . .an uncomfortable amount. And I’m half convinced that the eyelash he made a wish on wasn’t just sitting on his face, up for grabs. I’m starting to think that Alabama Hannah plucked it right out.

The evening takes them to the Queen Mary and I’m not talking about myself. Colton didn’t learn a damn thing about the daytime part of his date because he kicks off this portion with a toast as well “to taking chances and opening up”. #HeresHoping After some awkward silence, it takes Colton telling Hannah that she doesn’t have to be perfect all the time and that is what finally gets her talking. And what question does she lead with you ask?

First, I’m thinking that maybe I should just go ahead and have Gretchen Wieners ready to go for every contestant. But Hannah did it. Of all the questions, in all the land, that is the one she came up with. She could’ve went to her pageant bank and stole one from there. But once again, Colton gives a really good answer, he looks at his virginity as an accident, but he is glad he is where he’s at now. He does mention how initially it was engraved in him to save himself for marriage and from my recollection (I could be wrong) it is the first time that he has mentioned anything about virginity and marriage going hand in hand. She tells Colton that she always had it in her heart to save herself for marriage, but it didn’t work out that way and after she gave it up for the first time, she felt a tremendous amount of guilt and I think this is the part of the date where Colton is starting to connect. She does say that she is telling him everything, though the only thing she has shared is her not being a virgin, so either some good stuff or just stuff got cut out or her whole life experience is her losing her virginity. And I still don’t think she’s brought up her pageant history and at the time this was filmed, I’m pretty sure she is the reigning Miss Alabama, which is something to brag about. Even though the date didn’t start out the way Colton had anticipated, the night ended well enough for him to give her a rose and a kiss. And he must’ve really sealed the deal, because the Hot Mess Express can already see herself falling in love and a real future with him. Her man (her words).


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As soon as Hannah’s name was read on that date card, you just knew that Caelynn was gonna take issue. Now that Hannah has driven off with Caelynn’s boyfriend, just joking, he belongs to everyone. Caelynn confides in one of the girls that her and Hannah know one another, but no one knows that. If no one knows, then Hannah hasn’t told anyone that she was Miss Alabama, because Caelynn wore that sash on the first night like she was getting ready to compete again, so everyone knows who she is. Caelynn tells the camera that her and Hannah did room together and were super close, but things fell apart when Caelynn was named runner up and Hannah didn’t even place. She is claiming that Hannah has two sides to her personality and it’s not gonna take long for the switch to flip. Heather confides in Cassie that she has never kissed anyone before and Cassie shares the same shock we all did, which for me is disbelief. 

“I camp fight this feeling anymore.”  Alex, Erika, Katie, Caelynn, Sydney, Tayshia, Nina, Kirpa, Caitlin, Courtney, Cassie, Heather. It’s time for Camp Bachelor and the second group date of the episode and a part of me really believes that the girls came together to coordinate the outfits because almost every single one of them is wearing black yoga pants and a sports bra of some type, maybe uniform specifications was on the memo. Grilling, red rover, duck duck goose, bad minton, football, it’s all on the menu. Billy Eichner arrives with Chris to split the girls into two teams. The losing team goes back to the mansion, the winning team gets to have a sleepover with Colton. The girls get changed and believe a BXTCH when she tells you that somebody somewhere at ABC is having some 80’s flashbacks. . .these girls are decked out all the way down to the football socks. And if my memory of 80’s camping movies is on point, someone may be close to crossing a sexual finish line. . .or getting murdered by a serial killer who can’t be stopped. . .at this point it could be a tossup. Red Team is represented by: Caelynn, Heather, Tayshia, Katie, Cassie, and Alex. Wearing yellow with pride is: Kirpa, Courtney, Nina, Sydney, Erika, and Caitlin. In the end, the red team pulled it off and gets to camp out with Colton. 

Katie and Colton have a discussion about being competitive and the pressure of the competition. They make each other jittery apparently and that was enough for some kissin’. Heather decides that this is the night to confess to Colton that she has yet to even kiss another person. Cassie thinks that it’s endearing and could cause their relationship to grow even faster. . .Heather and Colton’s, not Heather and Cassie. Heather’s fear is by telling Colton, he would define her as the girl who hasn’t been kissed, instead of it just being a part of who she is. . .again, these girls need to know their audience. Colton steals Heather away and she doesn’t ask why he’s a virgin, but she does ask about him telling Becca he was a virgin, which leads her to telling him that not only is she a virgin, but she has also never even been kissed. Colton was shocked, but not put off. He goes on to tell her that he would never think less of her and she should never feel ashamed. Her fear is more centered around him thinking her inexperience would make her not ready for a relationship or commitment. Colton was able to put her mind at ease which was then followed by some awkward silence of will he or won’t he. In the end, it was won’t he, no kiss was exchanged. My personal thought is it would be better if he waited to do that on a one-on-one. But he didn’t consult me, so I have no idea how it will play out, I just have a hunch that her first kiss will be with Colton and we will all be a witness to it. Caelynn gets her turn and we get to see if Alabama Hannah’s is right and Caelynn does use her time to throw the Hot Mess Express under the bus. The conversation is really just Caelynn telling Colton more about who she is, about how she loves working with kids, about how she almost died when she was two. I don’t think Hannah has to worry about Caelynn talking about her (yet), I do think she needs to worry about the chemistry Colton and Caelynn have, because there wasn’t much lacking during their one-on-one time. Not words, not chemistry, not even kisses. In the end, it’s Heather who wowed him the most and she is awarded the group date rose.

The yellow team has arrived back at the mansion and shared the news that the red team has won and the prize is camping with Colton. I don’t think the other girls are handling it well aka Demi, especially when Catherine drops the idea that if the temptation is strong enough, Colton could be persuaded. Both Hannah’s are having some issues with the sleep away camp, Alabama Hannah more so because Caelynn is with him and according to her, she is the only person in the world that she has a problem with. 

Someone must’ve gotten some good stock footage of Colton showering, because once again we are blessed with it. . .Praise Be. Prior to Colton’s arrival, the girls are giving each other a pep talk, while Demi is telling the camera that things are probably going to get aggressive, “especially with the older girls”. She is also happy to watch their demise. Courtney is up first and her mission is to show Colton who she really is, mainly because she feels she was robbed of some important one-on-one time during the camping date and she believes that they could really hit it off. She is rocking some beautiful eyes and nice teeth, so check and check. The conversation starts with Colton bringing up her leading the yellow team, which she owns proudly, but I’m not sure that’s a good thing, the team did lose, but Colton was/is impressed. We then learn that her leadership skills come from being the oldest of five, her youngest sibling is TWO years old. She is 23, so let that sink in. The conversation flows pretty good, she talks about her family and how she’s ready for the next step. He talks about how he was impressed with her. No kiss, but all in all, good. Stress is running rampant amongst the girls who lost in the group date, especially Sydney. Because she already knows that she is something that he is looking for, he just hasn’t seen it yet. Which leads her to be the first interruption of the night. It seems that she is getting her point across, her and Colton are starting to have a bit of chemistry, that is until Onyeka embarrasses herself by blowing a airhorn to not just disrupt, but halt whatever was gonna happen between Colton and Sydney. She then even has me embarrassed for her when she tells Colton that she was feeling “a little bit horny”. Sydney continues the streak of embarrassment by pulling out some kitchen equipment and banging her way out the door. Onyeka tells her that she ain’t leaving and to come back in five minutes. JFC, I don’t know what is happening here, but this would be a great time for Colton to excuse himself and as any parent would tell you, refuse to reward that type of behavior. If he really wanted to set himself apart from any other bachelor, start sending bitches home for acting that way, because is that really the type of woman that anyone would want on their arm? Demi must’ve been feeling shown up by Onyeka, because as soon as she has heard the commotion and the story, she takes off upstairs and returns in a bathrobe. Of course, Colton is having some one-on-one time with Tracy when the Corinne wannabe interrupts with the rouse of wanting to show him something. All she is winds up doing is giving him a massage. Everyone is in shook mode and if it isn’t clear by Demi’s behavior when she comes back downstairs what her MO is, which by the way, isn’t attaching her ball to his chain, then none of them are paying attention. Demi tries to console Tracy and while I know from the get go that she is as fake as a Kardashian ass, even I made a WTF face when Demi tells Tracy that she is one of the most amazing women she has ever met. Finally Chris shows up and it’s time for some decisions to be made. 

Remember, the women who already have roses: Elyse, Hannah B., and Heather. That leaves 20 women praying. I don’t know if the stakes are higher this season or if these women are really wanting to be Colton’s fist, but we are only on our second rose ceremony and the stress is pouring off of these contestants. And of course Tracy and Demi are standing next to one another and while I understand why, one year someone is gonna snap and snatch whatever it is that’s fake off of someone. You can’t continue to throw gas on a fire and expect for it not to ever burn you.

 

“Today is a damn good day to fall in love.” -Chris

“And like any good story, we hope that it is full of adventure and romance and is brought to a rousing climax.” -Nick

“Elyse in her performance she got up there and was willing to admit that she was older in front of everybody. I thought she was so brave for doing that. It was so bold of her. I mean, there’s no advantage to being an older woman here.” -Demi

“I just got my heart ripped out of my chest.” -Annie

I don’t care what game you’re playing, losing sucks and I can only guess that it sucks even more when you lose the opportunity to camp with the love of your life, you know the one you’ve only just met but know he’s the one? Yeah, that one. However, I wish some of these ladies would just rely on themselves to seal the deal. I don’t think every girl remaining is a quality catch, the odds are never that much in someone’s favor, but I’m sure there is still a good bunch remaining and I’m sure that some of the good eggs were on the yellow team. And I hate to pull the Mama Merrie card, but just be yourself and if a man can’t see what you bring to the table and how fantastic it is, then fuck him. But y’all look ridiculous crying over something out of your control on only the second episode. Save that shit for just missing out on the fantasy suites.

To piggyback off of the camping. . .for anyone to think that there even could’ve been a possibility for Colton to be so seduced by one of the ladies that he would just go ahead and give it up, should probably go ahead and pack her bags because it’s clear that she hasn’t been paying attention. He’s waited this long, do we really think it’s gonna be that easy? Not to mention ABC would flip their shit. Surely there has been conversations about when he’s allowed to have himself devirginized.

No bitch can do Corinne like Corinne and it’s clear that Demi is trying her best to give our queen a run for her money. Corinne not only snuck into Nick’s hotel room and almost reached her destination, she also rode him in a bounce house and did it while we were loving to hate her and hating to love her. Demi’s little ploy tonight was embarrassing, not only to watch, but it should’ve been for her as well. It’s time to acknowledge that Demi isn’t lining up in the hopes of getting a ring put on it, that BXTCH is auditioning for a starring role on Paradise. 

Let’s talk about Demi and the massage. Actually, let’s talk about the reaction the girls had to Demi and the massage. First, it was plain to see that Demi wanted to show up Onyeka and getting to do that while sticking it to Tracy is what her dreams are made of. It was obvious that some, if not most of the girls really thought that Demi was about to crack through Colton’s pants. And while I never once thought of that scenario actually playing out, but if it did, I think it would be safe to say that Colton’s virginity was non existent way before ever stepping foot into that mansion. 

I think we definitely need to discuss Annie. Prior to the season, it was rumored that Annie took to Snapchat (and I think Reality Steve has the evidence) commenting about how she broke up with Colton because he is “weird as shit”. Well, after Annie got sent packing tonight, it appears that maybe she was fibbing just a little bit. In her defense, I don’t think anyone who wasn’t chosen to participate in a date of any kind, should be sent home and this week that would be Angelique and Annie. Whether someone is meant to be or not, once you make it past the first night, a chance has been earned. And the first date only had eight girls, which I appreciated, but the second one had twelve. We couldn’t add two more?

 

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The Bachelor 2019 | Episode One Re-Cap | 01.07.19

The Bachelor Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

The Bachelor Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

BXTCHES Gotta Warn: The first warning should always be. . .I’m a wordy BXTCH, so beware, these are usually pretty long. But, they cover it all. Which brings me to tell you that it’s full of spoilers. Anyway, let’s talk about tonight. Last year ABC decided to air episode #1 on New Year’s Day, tonight they put it up against Clemson vs. Alabama, which in turn, they made it an ABC vs. ABC night, but to assume that those watching The Bachelor aren’t interested in watching Alabama lose, is a horrible misconception. Now that Alabama has been knocked off its pedestal, it’s time to tune into Colton. Tonight’s season premier is THREE HOURS LONG. Look, I think Colton is hot AF, but even Aquaman wasn’t three hours. . .and Jason Mamoa was shirtless for most of that movie, I would’ve sat in a theatre for 6 hours watching that. I’m not necessarily stoked watching women embarrass themselves for that long. . .oh, who am I kidding, I LOVE IT. Actually the first episode is probably my least fave, it does get a bit cringy for me, so here’s to hoping this year the women really bring it. It looks like there will be watch parties and such spread throughout the three hours and since this BXTCH ain’t got time for that, I’m gonna go straight to the show. I’ve already did a Meet the Cast post (find it here) that got us a smaller glimpse at this year’s 30 girls. . .yes there are 30 and not that I’m any sort of an expert, but that number is getting a bit on the ridiculous side. 

ABC has brought back the Fantasy League, which has had a makeover. There are eight categories for week #1 and you get/got to pick 10 ladies that would hopefully fit into one or more of the categories. For every category one of your selections falls into, you get a rose, which in turn scores you points. For week #1, the categories are: Receives a Rose (5 points); Receives the First Impression Rose (5 points); Brings a gift or uses a prop for her entrance (5 points); Wears something that sparkles (5 points); Cries (tears rolling); Wears the same dress as another woman to the rose ceremony (5 points); Speaks to Colton in a language other than English (5 points); Kisses Colton on the lips (10 points). You (or in this case me) pick 10 ladies that you think will or would fall into one or more of these categories. My selections were: (left to right) Caelynn; Catherine; Courtney; Devin; Hannah G., Heather; Kirpa; Nicole; Revian, and Tayshia. 

It’s never to late to join. If you are interested in jumping in, click here.

In between watching parties, we get to meet some of the ladies. While I may not be an expert, which we have already established, I can say with some confidence that the ladies ABC decides to profile, are most likely the ladies they are hoping Colton hangs onto for a bit. Up first is Cassie. Here’s what we already know about her: Cassie Randolph | The Bachelor 2019 Cast | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com
We learned tonight that she loves the beach (which should be obvious based on her hometown). Not only is she a speech pathologist, but she is also a grad student. She’s hoping that her communication skills will not fail her when she comes face to face with the man himself. Her greatest hope is that she meshes well with Colton and she is the one in the end with the ring on her finger. Well, there’s 29 other girls that have that same wish. #GoodLuck

Next up is Hanna B. or Alabama Hannah. One thing we know for sure, there’s no Roll Tide Roll for her tonight. Here’s hoping her first night with Colton went better than tonight did for the boys from Tuscaloosa.

Even though she wore the crown of Miss Alabama for an entire year, she admits to being a total train wreck-Hot Mess Express were the exact words, there’s a theme here somewhere and I can’t wait to uncover it. She’s just hoping that Colton is gonna like the good, the bad, and the hot mess. #BlessHerHeart She is pretty tight with our Homeboy from above, so she should know that it’s never to early to start sending up prayers and good thoughts. She is the first one to talk about Colton’s virginity. I have a feeling we’re gonna learn a lot about these ladies and not only their experience, but the experience they wish to lay upon Colton. #ParentsAreGonnaBeProud Alabama Hannah has kissed four guys, but don’t worry your pretty little mind, they were all boyfriends. However, she has already given it up, but Colton’s virginity is appealing to her. Actually, amazing is how she described it. I bet she’s hoping that’s exactly how she will be able to describe it.

Katie Morton. . .come on down.

We’ve already learned that she is a dancer, but tonight she took it to the floor and while I’m the furthest thing away from rhythm, it appeared that she was either finishing up a Zumba class or there wasn’t enough footage and someone came up with the bright idea of having her show her stuff. . .dance stuff that is, I will probably need to clarify a lot this season. She wishes for the love that her parents have for one another and Colton is looking like her kind of snack.

Heather Martin is the youngest one this season at just 22 years old. I don’t know yet if I’m cringing with that fact. #StayTuned

It certainly bears repeating that Heather is also a proud card carrying member of The Club, but she is gonna add another notch to hers by having never been kissed. #MoveOverJosieGrossy Do I believe that, not sure, I guess we’ll have to wait and see just how long it takes her to mark it off of her bucket list. We learn tonight that she is a beach girl through and through. She does admit to meeting Colton previous to the show, but it was only for 15 seconds. Based on that time, she can see herself sharing her very first kiss with him. My question. . .what the fuck kind of guys have you been meeting? 15 seconds is all she had and she already knows?

Oneyka Ehie from Dallas is introducing herself next. . .

She claims she’s not afraid to embarrass herself and since that will most likely happen at some point this season (I’m just banking on the odds), we’ll see if she’s a liar or a truther.

via GIPHY

via GIPHY

She also doesn’t care what people think about her, so that should go far in a house with 20+ girls and in her quest to impress Colton. Her parents have been married for 28 years and were engaged after only dating for two weeks. . .so she has the love/lust at first sight working in her favor. She already knows that Colton “. . .has all the morals and characters that I look for in a guy”. Not sure how exactly she knows, but she did check off the “he’s also hot” requirement and she ain’t wrong about that, so maybe her spidey sense is firing on all cylinders. She does have a bag of tricks just in case Colton decides to let her be blessed with his virginity. And let me just stop here and throw in my piece, which I will most likely repeat many times throughout the season. Just because Colton has never stuck his dick in IT, doesn’t mean he’s never been in IT. Let’s not assume he’s never taken a trip to the Promiseland and he is lacking sexual experience. He’s probably rounded the bases many many times, he’s just never slid into home and isn’t it more important to know how to go from base to base with care and ease, not to mention stamina, passion, precision, dedication. . .I could continue this list for a while, but my point. . .surely you get my point.

ABC is taking us to Miami to meet Nicole next.

Our girl ain’t about no hook-up or that culture, which she could find easily in Miami, she wants the real thing. Which is what has lead her to compete for the love of a man who will hook up with multiple women in his quest to finding his real thing. This is really a vicious web getting weaved. Her family is #1 and Nicole already knows that Colton is going to be very welcoming to her family as well as her life.

Let’s meet Kirpa.

Her first hope. . .Colton better floss. She believes it would be nice to clean Colton’s teeth, because with Colton that as close as one could get right now. Again, girl if you think his dick has never flossed someone’s mouth before, you are probably wrong. He’s 26 years old, y’all better start saying some prayers that at least his mouth has been where his dick has not. #AintNothingWrongWithOral

Dallas is giving us another and she’s “Hot Dogging for Colton”. She comes complete with the “vroom, vroom”. Lord, give me the strength.

Super bubbly and outgoing is how her friends and family would describe her. She’s never been in a serious relationship. She lives with her dad and stepmom and her stepmom’s hair. Her mom is in federal prison for embezzlement, the good news is if she makes it to hometowns, her mom should be out by then. Fingers crossed. She’s the first one concerned about Colton’s virginity, because she’s a believer in trying all the cupcakes before you decide on which one is your favorite. He’s about to date 20+ women, sampling flavors to discover your favorite may actually not be a problem in the end.

Now it’s time to meet The Bachelor.

Shout out to ABC and whoever decided to give us the montage of Colton working out and Colton in the shower. Much love. I have no shame, he’s fun to look at. #SayItLoudAndSayItProud He sticks to the standard script about how he never expected to be the next Bachelor. . .how he has room to grow. . .how he knows not everyone is going to like him. . .he now knows what he wants. We get to flashback to his childhood, complete with pictures. He talks about how he was the fat kid, didn’t have girlfriends, he felt alone. . .he didn’t gain confidence until later in high school and football gave him that. Even though his life is great, the one missing piece of the puzzle is his person. We also learn that he was ready to give Becca the ride he ain’t never gave another lady, but she turned him down and sent him packing. In the end he claims it was good for him, not the non-existent ride, but the shut down. Chris Harrison then sits down with Colton and talks about him being picked. They talk about how unpopular the pick was, his virginity, his expectations, you know the usual. He’s not sure if he wants to be hit with love at first sight, but he does know he wants to go into the experience and treat every relationship differently.

Actually, there are various decree medicines, that are the component of levitra 20mg price named sildenafil and cause harm to your auditory system thereby causing tinnitus. Not paying attention http://deeprootsmag.org/2013/09/26/as-the-bluebird-flies/ buy cialis cialis at early stage may further worsen your erection. It is recommended to take cost of cialis this medication 5 to 6 hours before the sexual intercourse and you are good to go! So, today, you should buy Vardenafil only after consulting with the physician. How can be treated? As mentioned, treatment depends viagra no prescription on the correct combination of the proven and effective drug when it comes to helping aging males complete satisfying sexual activities. ABC must be feeling the skepticism, because they decided to treat us with a segment of those from BachelorNation still together. . .and their kiddos. I won’t go into detail, but I will let you know who is still waking up with one another.

Jason & Molly 

Evan & Carly

JP & Ashley

Chris & Desiree

Jade & Tanner

Ryan & Trista

Arie & Lauren


To expedite things, I will do my best to fly through the limo exits, because as we all sit, watching, we do get embarrassed for some of these ladies and that’s really the ones I want to focus on. Don’t worry, the champagne is already flowing in the limo, so we’re bound to get some good ones. Demi kicked things off well by letting Colton know that she hasn’t dated a virgin since she was 12, but she’s excited to give it another shot. This is also the girl who has never been in a serious relationship, but since 12 doesn’t count as serious, she can keep telling that story. . .for now. Tayshia is next (does well), followed by Heather, then Nicole who wows him with her Spanish skills. Caelynn exits wearing her Miss USA sash, making sure he knows she’s a beauty queen, but under her Miss North Carolina sash, is her Miss Underwood one. . .talk about wishful thinking, she definitely gets points for creativity. Sydney lets him know that she quit her job as a dancer to meet him and he let’s her know that he is a terrible dancer. . .Dancing with the Stars will certainly be in his future. Elyse nervously exits, but Colton gives reassurance. With Tahzjuan exiting the limo, I finally know how to pronounce her name. Cassie arrives with a gift of fake butterflies, you know to represent the way she was feeling and corny or not, Colton kept one. Kirpa is excited and glad that it’s Colton, Caitlin decided to bring a red cherry balloon, which she then popped. . .get it, she popped his cherry, but that bears the question. . .do guys get their cherry popped? If she makes it to hometowns, I’m not sure who he’s gonna meet, because clearly she has no friends or family around to tell her how cringy her introduction was. She somewhat missed her mark, because Colton thought is was an apple. That moment was followed up with Courtney bringing him a sweet Georgia peach. I’m just relieved she didn’t compare the sweet Georgia peach to her sweet Georgia peach, though I’m sure that’s what she was going for. Katie brings out a deck of cards and then brags about taking his V-Card. #ProudParentMoment Next out is my worst nightmare and that’s a contestant dressed as an animal. The only exception is the shark/dolphin Alexis graced us with during Nick’s season. This one is not only dressed as a sloth, but talks as if she is one. I think the sloth is supposed to reference to how slow Colton likes to takes things. Anyway behind the costume is Alex D. Her and Caitlin should make good friends, because clearly they are lacking in that department. Onyeka gets to follow up the sloth and she was impressive. Erika brought him a bag of nuts, to symbolize her last name. It’s now time for Alabama Hannah and the Hot Mess Express to leave her mark. On a positive, she’s not wearing her Miss Alabama sash. Rumor has it Hannah and Caelynn roomed together during the Miss USA pageant, so one would think that they are friendly with one another, one would be wrong. There is visible tension between the two. Tracy pulls up in a cop car as the fashion police and hands him handcuffs, clearly she doesn’t know her audience. Angelique is sparkled out, followed by Devin. Revian speaks Mandarin to him, while Nina wows him with Kroatien. If you’re keeping track, that’s three foreign languages thus far. Alex B. brought cue cards because she is sick, while Bri decided to wow him with an Australian accent. . .she is from Los Angeles, so this should take an interesting turn soon. Laura arrives and quickly learns that her and Heather are wearing the same dress. Hannah G. came bearing a gift, his favorite brand of underwear and if you’re wondering what was in the box, it was empty, because according to Hannah, rumor has it Colton likes it commando. Annie was able to wow him when she was able to tell him how many points a team gets for a touchdown and if that’s the standard then I could wow him right down to his. . .never mind. Jane arrives with a framed picture of Colton’s dog photo shopped with her dog and it’s obvious that the one thing that didn’t improve over at ABC is their vetting procedures, because that is weird as fuck. Just as Caelynn is talking about the girl who is gonna stir the pot, Catherine arrives, so a message has been sent. She shows up with her dog, Lucy, and she leaves her in Colton’s care. Just when things couldn’t get crazier, Cinderella aka Erin pulls up in a horse drawn carriage, even leaving her shoe behind.

Now that every lady has stepped out of the limousine, it’s time for the champagne to really flow and some personalities to emerge. One of my favorite parts about night one, is when the ladies (or men) start talking amongst themselves about how hot and great the Bachelor/ette is. While we can all see the hotness, some of these ladies are talking that really know the man himself. Tonight, women were wowed about how much hotter Colton is in person, how good is face is (thank you Alabama Hannah), his scruff, his suit, his everything. Wow was used, because according to Devin there are no other words and she’s a journalist, so that statement speaks volumes. I’m not sure the type of men that Courtney usually invites into her space, but she describes Colton as welcoming and kind and that she has not ever met someone like that. No one? Ever? Girl, where have you been? Now it’s time for the fanfare, because Colton is about to enter the house. Demi is the number one girl tonight, first out of the limo and first to grab Colton and once again, the other ladies are left shook. Because of course, they never expected it to be so intense, so quick. Newbies, am I right? Meanwhile back in the living room, discussion begins around his virginity and Erika just needs to know why he is still a virgin. Because it’s so weird someone so attractive has never had sex. Those are her words not mine. I guess we have entered a time (or maybe we’ve been here all along) where we shun male virgins or at least the hot ones. Now it’s time to see if she puts her foot in her clearly well used mouth. Things start out well when he can’t even remember her name, but she jumps right in and asks him why he’s a virgin. If this is how she approaches meeting guys, how is it she’s not a virgin? This isn’t information she has earned. Every fucking year I wonder why so many beautiful people need to go on TV to find love, what is their default? Erika answers that question loud and clear this year. No worries, he does a good job answering her disbelief. I’m just embarrassed for her that any questions she could ask, those were the ones that flew from her mouth. The flirt game is pretty strong between Colton and Hannah G., just enough nerves to be cute. We do learn that Caelynn aka Miss North Carolina is originally from Virginia and only moved to North Carolina a year prior, which in the world of Miss USA doesn’t’ seem fair, maybe that’s why the tension is so thick between her and Miss Alabama. She’s now transitioned to the Miss Underwood sash and her fake eyelashes are touching her eyebrows. She does talk about her love for travel and how even though she is young (23), she does want to get married and that must do the trick because it doesn’t take long for Colton to lean in and put a target right on Caelynn’s lips. She later tells the camera that he kisses very well for a virgin, which would indicate that he doesn’t kiss very well at all, but since he’s a virgin, it can be excused. Isn’t she supposed to have some sort of etiquette training? She is a fucking beauty queen for crying out loud. . .clearly I am not. 

Sydney brings out a string quartet in the hopes of teaching Colton a thing or two, I’m just glad she didn’t say something crazy like. . .“he dances so well for a virgin”. We do learn that Elyse is actually from Alaska, which was up in the air on my Meet The Cast post. She decides to teach Colton how to fish. She apparently didn’t do a lick of research. I have no idea if he knows how to fish, but he is from Colorado, so chances are good that that is a skill he already possesses. Tayshia set up her own carnival, complete with games and pony rides. The pony was of course Colton and she got a ride. I’m not sure if there was supposed to be an underlying innuendo because right at that moment, the camera cut to the sloth hanging from a tree. I can’t even with this fucking sloth, who in their right mind told her that this was a genius idea? Things worked out well because she eventually has Colton peeling her out of that costume. Once the conversation gets moving, we quickly discover that she’s actually a speed talker and she seems to be a bit tipsy, which is an accomplishment considering that she was in a costume all night long. Catherine gets her shot after telling the camera that the girls may be beautiful but they are just statues with no substance. Her discussion gets interrupted by Tracy, who brought a pair of Vans for them to decorate, which then gets interrupted by Catherine, which then gets interrupted by Onyeka, who is wearing some snorkel gear. Catherine was not impressed, which she proves by interrupting once again. And once more after when Colton is chatting with Tahzjuan. So if we’re counting, Catherine has talked to Colton four times. She’s gonna be everyone’s BFF. Not that I’m defending her, but instead of sitting around complaining about how you haven’t had a chance to speak with Colton, just interrupt and take your shot. Cassie puts her communication skills to work and teaches Colton some sign language. He has a pretty decent convo with Katie, enough so that he is inspired to make her the second one he kisses. Alabama Hannah is showing us all why she is the conductor of the Hot Mess Express. Erin finally gets her time, one shoe and all. 

The time has finally come for Colton to hand out the First Impression Rose and the lucky lady this year is. . .Hannah G. and she accepts and she gets the third kiss of the night. 

Once Chris makes the announcement, the tears begin to flow. Girls are stressed because they haven’t had the opportunity to chat Colton up and show him what it is he would be missing out on if he sent them home. One thing to remember, the impression didn’t have to be made on Colton, they could’ve impressed the powers that be, wherever they are to get their shot at Paradise. Because let’s be real, that’s what some are auditioning for. The room is packed and I’m quite sure the pits are sweaty, it’s about to go down.

As usual, the ones sent wondering what happened, truly believe that a mistake was made and to that I say. . .why would you even want someone who doesn’t see your light. I also think that the sting is really in the rejection, not in the one rejecting.

“If you only ever have a vanilla cupcake, well how do you know you don’t like chocolate? How do you know you don’t like strawberry? I feel like you gotta try out all the cupcakes first to know what you really want. I’m the damn confetti cake.”         -Demi

“I am the first virgin bachelor.” -Colton

“Oh boy, I’m in trouble.”-Colton

“I’m gonna save these for the fantasy suite.” -Colton

“I really could’ve done a lot more than a bag of nuts.” -Erika

“I’m dating six times the amount of women I’ve dated in my whole entire life. In one night.” -Colton

“Oh my God, I heard that you were drowning in some bitches, so I came to save you.” -Onyeka

What happened to a simple introduction? Isn’t it better to be “Hey, I’m Merrie and I’m from Texas. It’s so nice to meet you and I can’t wait to have a chance to get to know you better.” Especially if you’re not naturally charismatic or funny. Keep it brief. I know everyone wants to be memorable, but what the fuck is the deal with the virginity? We would be outraged with ABC if they allowed a man to bring a cherry balloon to meet a virgin Bachelorette and say to her, “now that I’ve popped your cherry”. I’m about as liberal as it gets, but what has me scratching my head is wondering if any of these girls did their research. While we all know he’s a virgin, it’s clearly something that shouldn’t be the first thing brought up when meeting one another and it’s clearly something that he’s not too comfortable talking about. What I would’ve liked to have seen is when any girl brought up his virgin status, Colton would’ve responded with “when did you lose yours?”#AllIsFair

I don’t have many final thoughts regarding this episode, I am disappointed that Devin went, I thought they would be compatible. But I think if you’re not ready to either really impress once you step out of the limo or be a take no prisoners type of gal during the cocktail party. . .you should probably start sending up some prayers, because you’re asking to be noticed out of 30 girls and that’s a feat for anyone. But in defense of the ladies, every year the number of “would be’s” grows. There were 30 girls tonight. . .split them up and carry this into two nights. That would then give everyone an opportunity, maybe not an equal one, but one nonetheless. And it would give us a two night season premier. It’s a win for all.

On a quick side note, I think we could be seeing a Two-On-One with Caelynn and Alabama Hannah this year.

Once again, Chris Harrison is promoting this season as the most dramatic. . .he just needs to leave that opinion to us. But as the previews suggest, though they are usually 100% not accurate, lots of tears are gonna be shed, accusations regarding who is or isn’t ready for marriage with fling, and the ladies are all definitely playing a game of Who Can Get Into Colton’s Pants The Quickest. It’s gonna be fun.

 

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The Bachelor 2019 | Meet the Cast

The Bachelor Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

BXTCHES Gotta Warn: It’s about time for another season of watching the beautiful ones try to really have it all. I didn’t get the opportunity to re-cap Becca’s season because my laptop decided to go out right around that time, which also kept me from re-capping Big Brother, but alas, I have a new computer and am very ready to get this season started. Just because I’m excited, doesn’t mean I’m not cynical when it comes to this show, I love it and I sometimes hate it. . .but I have learned we just have to take the good with the bad. I started my journey with The Bachelor during Ben’s season (#20) and ABC has yet to even come close. . .well, I was a fan of Nick. . .to topping him. So here’s to fingers crossed for Colton.

I know a lot of us were put off when ABC did the unthinkable and decided to cast Arie as Bachelor #22. . .as someone with no previous knowledge of Arie, I was not impressed, but the silver lining is we did get Becca from that season, which gave us Colton, if that’s even a silver lining for some of you, because there is a heap of BachelorNation who is none too happy with this pick, I’m not one of them, but there seem to be a lot of you BXTCHES, so here’s to hoping that Colton can pull this off.

Let’s first meet Colton. He is 26 years old (on the cusp of 27) and by all outward appearances, seems to be a catch. . .though I’m sure that’s probably a catch. He didn’t win the heart of Becca, but that’s probably because he had semi won the heart of Tia, who was on the same season of The Bachelor as Becca and the two of them had become friends (because of course they were). Colton made it to the final four, then Tia swooped in and told Becca that she still had some feelings for Colton. Though according to Becca, that’s not the reason she sent him packing. But lo and behold, Colton AND Tia were both cast on Paradise and looking back, it was not a good idea. Tears were shed, by both Tia and Colton, and even though they tried to give their relationship a shot, in the end it didn’t pan out. Either that or ABC put a little bug in Colton’s ear about the possibility of him being named the Next One in the franchise and all of a sudden, Tia looked much better standing in his rear view mirror.

The Bachelor 2019 | Meet the Cast | Colton Underwood | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Here are the 30 (yes THIRTY) women vying for a chance to have Colton drop down to one knee and ask that all important question. Or, here are the women vying for the opportunity to be named the next Bachelorette OR be cast on the next season of Paradise. It’s really a toss-up at this point. None the less, here they are. Social media accounts will be linked, just know that there is a high possibility that at some point, the accounts could be de-activated.

Since I’ve now done this several times, I have learned that ABC has a type, especially when it comes to the women. A lot of the ladies start to look alike. We also have our fair share of not only models, but we actually have TWO women who competed against one another in the 2018 Miss USA pageant. There seems to be an absence of personal trainers this year. And after flipping through A LOT of Instagram accounts, I’m now convinced that most of these women have personal photographers follow them around. There is no other explanation.

LinkedIn: Alex Blumberg

Instagram: alexblumberg

 

Twitter: @alexdillon60

Instagram: alexdillon94

Instagram: ang_sherm

LinkedIn: Annie Reardon

Instagram: annie_reardon

Twitter: @annerearend

Instagram: bri_ashbarnes

Modeling Page: Bri Barnes

Facebook: Caelynn Miller-Keyes

Instagram: caelynnmillerkeyes

Twitter: @caelynnmk

LinkedIn: Caitlin Clemmens

Instagram: cclemmentine

Facebook: Cassie Randolph

Twitter: @CassieRandolph

Instagram: cassierandolph

LinkedIn: Catherine Agro

Instagram: missagro_

LinkedIn: Courtney Curtis

Instagram: thecourtneyc

Cooking Instagram: cookingwithcourt_

Website: creatingcourt.com

Facebook: Demi Burnett

Twitter: @demiburnett

Instagram: demi_not_lovato

LinkedIn: Devin Gooden

Facebook: Devin Gooden

Twitter: @DevinGooden

Instagram: devingooden

LinkedIn: Elyse Michelle

Twitter: @ElyseDehlbom

Instagram: elysemichelle_mua

LinkedIn: Erika McNutt

Facebook: Erika McNutt

Instagram: enuttss

LinkedIn: Erin Landry

Facebook: Erin Landry

Twitter: @erin_landry

Instagram: erin_landry

Twitter: @MissALUSA

Facebook: Hannah Brown

Instagram: itsalabamahannah

LinkedIn: Hannah Godwin

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Facebook: Hannah Godwin

Personal Website: www.hannahgodwin.net

Instagram: hannahg11

LinkedIn: Heather Martin

Facebook: Heather Martin

Instagram: @hdiggetydawg

LinkedIn: Katie Morton

Facebook: Katie Morton

Instagram: katieemo

LinkedIn: Kirpa Sudick

Instagram: kirpasudick

LinkedIn: Laura Pellerito

Facebook: Laura Pellerito

Instagram: lalalauraaa

LinkedIn: Nicole Lopez-Alvar

Twitter: @nikkilopez

Instagram: nicolelovar

LinkedIn: Nina Bartula

Twitter: @nina_bartula

Instagram: nina.bartula

LinkedIn: Onyeka Ehie

Facebook: Onyeka Ehie

Twitter: @onyekaehie

Instagram: onyekaehie

LinkedIn: Revian Chang

Facebook: Revian Chang

Instagram: rev_yo_engine

LinkedIn: Sydney Lotuaco

Twitter: @SydneyLotuaco

Instagram: sydneylotuaco

LinkedIn: Tahzjuan Hawkins

Twitter: @TahzjuanHawkins

Instagram: @tahzjuan

Donna Baldwin Agency: Tahzjuan Hawkins

LinkedIn: Tayshia Adams

Instagram: tayshiaaa

LinkedIn: Tracy Shapoff

Instagram: tshapoff

That’s it. . .all 30 ladies vying for the chance to change their last name to Underwood. The folks over at ABC are really pulling the diversity chain, here is how well the country is represented: 1/3 of the cast come from California (that’s 10 ladies), Canada sent us two as did North Carolina and Alabama. Texas gets four representatives. New York/New Jersey area is representing with three hopefuls. The rest come from Florida, Massachusetts, Oregon, Colorado and Arizona or maybe Alaska (we’re still not too sure on that one) and that’s it.

Colton is almost 27 years old and we only have one lady coming in at that age, however there are six that are 26. Three at 28 and one at 29. Two at 30 and 31 (I don’t see them lasting too long). Going the other way, there are two at 25, five at 24, seven at 23 and one at 22, which is the youngest age represented.

From the outside looking in, it looks like the casting folks over at ABC are starting to get a bit lazy and it also appears that there is a lot of reliance upon social media, particularly Instagram to pull contestants from. I don’t think there is one contestant without an account and I’m pretty sure that every contestant has at least 1k followers. Look, I know I read a lot, which sometimes puts my imagination in overdrive, but can we get a beauty from the trailer park already, one who relies on her thrift store finds and is proud of her humble and meek upbringing, she’s the underdog who swoops in and sweeps the bachelor off his feet. . .C’MON. . .that is a story just waiting to write itself.

Some interesting things to take note of. . .Heather and Cassie are alumni of the same university and Cassie followed Heather on IG prior to The Bachelor, so it seems that they probably know one another. As you have probably already noticed, we not only have two beauty queens, but they both competed in this years (2018) Miss USA pageant, with Caelynn coming in as the first runner up. BUT. . .Miss Alabama (Hannah B.) and Miss North Carolina (Caelynn) were roommates at the pageant, so two more ladies who knew one another prior to entering the mansion.

With any season, comes a bit of controversy and Colton’s ladies are no exception. There’s tiny indiscretions, like Elyse’s run-ins with the law. . .mostly traffic violations, but she does have a DUI on her record (read all about it here). The biggest issue is gonna be with Tracy and her tweets. Her Twitter has been deleted, but is anything really every deleted? The answer to that is no, no it is not and for your viewing pleasure, here are the tweets in question. . .




If Redit users can find this info, then surely the powers that be over at ABC can as well. She has since issued an apology, which can be found on her IG account, but it’s hard to know if she’s truly sorry for her words OR if it’s because she knows she’s gonna get called out. Don’t fret girl, Garrett had some pretty questionable social media behavior and he still won Becca’s heart. . .there’s hope yet. Although if we can’t at least find the humor in her tweet bashing those who use reality tv for their chance at love, then what are we fighting for? For full story, click here.

I am not one who enjoys spoilers. . .even though I have seen a few, but none that will ruin the season for me. My only true knowledge of the ladies is through the online stalking that I have done and based on that alone, my favorites (as of today) are:

Alex Blumberg-29 years old. From the outside, she seems very compatible with Colton. . .except she is from Canada and if picked, a decision will have to be made. But other than that, she is very passionate about animal rescue (Colton loves dogs), she and her half sister created a protective doggie vest (Colton’s non profit provides vests for cystic fibrosis patients). It just seems that they have some conversation starters. **Please note: I have nothing against Canadians**

Caelynn Miller-Keyes-23 years old. Now, normally I wouldn’t pick a beauty queen because I feel that their number one purpose is to expand their social media platform, and this could still be the case but, Caelynn has a cause she’s passionate about, Colton has a cause he is passionate about. And out of all the ladies, I don’t see Caelynn really focusing on his virginity, considering she is a sexual assault survivor.

Devin Gooden-24 years old. First, she’s from Oregon . .so I don’t feel as if she’s trying to pump up her star. She’s also very well rounded, she has a master’s and she’s passionate about sports, which gives her something in common with Colton. On the downside, she low-key reminds me of Taylor (Nick’s season), so I’m praying that she is nothing like her.

Heather Martin-22 years old. I don’t really see her winning the whole thing, the only reason she makes this list is because she met him back in July. Not only is she a virgin, but she also claims to have never been kissed. I believe the virgin part, not too sure I believe she’s never been kissed. . .especially if it takes her no time at all to swap some spit with Colton. But we should start making bets on how long it takes for her virginity to become the topic of conversation. Anyway, I just feel that they have a common thread and that may work in her favor.

It’s back. I’m not sure what happened during Arie and Becca’s season, but ABC has brought back the Fantasy League and this BXTCH is stoked. If you are interested. . .find the link here.

That’s it for now BXTCHES. . .stay tuned for my weekly re-caps and here is hoping for an awesome season, we deserve at least that.

The Bachelor airs on ABC Mondays. . .7pm CENTRAL/8pm EASTERN

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