The Bachelor 2019 | Episode Seven Re-Cap | 02.18.19

The Bachelor Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

The Bachelor Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.comBXTCHES Gotta Warn: We have reached the point in the season where The Bachelor is forced to make some difficult decisions. Hometowns are next week and this episode is gonna kick off with seven hopefuls. . .only four can bring Colton home to meet the fam, which means he has to decide which three ladies are disposable. All season ABC has been dangling the drama carrot right in front of our salivating mouths and tonight may be the episode where it all comes to a head. . .at least a BXTCH can hope. This is me warning you that there will be a lot of sidebars during this re-cap. 

Last Week: Sydney removed herself from the bridal lineup, but not before putting a bug into Colton’s ear by telling him that there are girls that are there for the wrong reasons. There was an Onyeka vs. Nicole showdown, which ended with them both being sent home. Demi made a very poor attempt at trying to snag Colton’s virginity, which ended in her being sent home, but not before putting the same bug in his ear and at the actual Rose Ceremony, Colton decided that Katie wasn’t gonna be the one taking his last name. . .but she also planted a bug. Clearly an exterminator was needed for this episode. 

Tonight On: This shindig is headed back to the United States, Denver to be exact. Three lucky, lucky ladies will be gifted with one-on-one dates, while four will be forced together in an attempt to outdo the others in a group date. 

Tonight’s episode kicks off with Colton’s vlog and I’m torn on how I feel about these. I think the general consensus of Bachelor Nation is. . .they’re goofy as fuck, BUT one can appreciate the attempt at trying to see the Bachelor in a different light. His recap is based on worry about what Sydney, Demi, and Katie all said to him about there still being people around who aren’t ready to accept a proposal. Sidebar #1: During this “raw” moment, Colton expresses his concern about how his worst fear is coming to fruition, which I’m assuming is him dropping down to a knee and being rejected. He also expresses how much he trusts Katie, which would beg one to wonder, why send her home then? Trust is a pretty important component when one is fielding interviews for a spouse and at this point, his chemistry with Katie appeared to be stronger than what he had with Heather or Kirpa. . .so if he had that much trust in Katie, then why her? If anything, keep her around to at least be another set of ears for you. Let’s get to tonight. 

I guess to get some grounding, Colton meets up with Ben, which I’m certainly not complaining about, Ben is always a treat. Colton does admit to falling in love with multiple girls and how scary that is. Ben offers some sound advice and they shake on it. 

Colton and his dog Sniper meet up with the seven remaining. Colton lets them know that there will be roses on every date this week and the one-on-one’s start with Tayshia. 

At this point, every girl has had a one-on-one and I would like to use this time to share an interesting tidbit with you. Rachel Lindsey was recently on Nick Viall’s podcast and one of the things that she shared was how she knew Bryan was the one after she had her second one-one-one with him. She went onto say that it was after the second time around with one-on-ones (those were only given to Bryan, Peter, and Dean) that she really got a good glimpse at who the person was. . .so hopefully this will be a chance for Colton to start sorting some of these girls out. Sidebar #2: A quick note to the powers over at The Bachelor. As much as I loved seeing Ben (really, bring him back anytime), instead of bringing back past Bachelors to counsel the current Bachelor, bring back past Bachelorette’s to do so. Who better than a woman who has already been this far into the process to know what the ones currently going through it are thinking? Rachel was a strong lead, who is still with her pick. . .Jojo is still with her’s. . .if you’re looking to get into the head of a woman, maybe use a woman with a good head to do so.

Tayshia has already confessed that she will be letting Colton know what she thinks about people still in the running not being ready to say “Yes!”, but first up is oysters, wine and then ice cream. They do visit a market, where Colton picks out some salmon telling Tayshia how much he loves to cook. When the chance comes up for some decent conversation, Colton brings up the bug that was planted. He does tell her that he knows that she isn’t the one in question, but he would like to know if there is something that she has seen or heard.

Caelynn and Cassie are pondering over why someone would tell Colton on their way out that he needs to watch his back and whether or not it will be the topic of conversation with Tayshia. Both conclude that Tayshia can only speak on the girls that she is close with and from the tone of their voices, it’s safe to say that Caelynn and Cassie are not on Tayshia’s short list of BFF’s. It’s also safe to say that Caelynn and Cassie have no clue on how the female mind works, because why on Earth would Tayshia throw those she is close with under the bus? If she’s going for anyone, it’s gonna be those who are threats to her finding her happily ever after and you know for a fact that the two she will be gunning for are Caelynn and Cassie as soon as Caelynn utters the words “We’re fine.” Talk about famous last ones. . .of a fool.

Back to the date. . .Tayshia claims that she has heard some “disheartening” conversations in the house and although she doesn’t want to tattle, she feels that he has the right to know. The first names out of her mouth are Cassie and Caelynn. . .I’m shook. She feels that those two are the ones that Katie, Sydney, and Demi were referring to (more on that later). She claims that they are already talking about being the next Bachelorette and how they don’t believe that they will be ready to be engaged at the end and they’re more focused on what kind of parties they’ll get to attend and what kind of people they’ll get to know. You can see the devastation on Colton’s face as she is telling him all of this and he confides in her that she is laying out his biggest fear(s). She does offer him an apology, so there’s that he can cling to. He clearly doesn’t know what to do with this information, because of all of the names Tayshia could’ve mentioned, those weren’t on his list. She does go on to tell him that there are people that are there for him and that truly care for him. . .like her.

Sidebar #3 (this is gonna be a long one): Let’s recap. Tayshia was married for a year and a half to her first serious boyfriend. They were together for six years and the divorce was finalized in November 2017. Even though that was a little over a year ago (as of today), the show began filming in late September. So when she went on the show, her divorce wasn’t even a year old and she is already on the hunt for husband #2. . .let that sink in. She is 28 years old and I’m not sure if the entirety of her relationship with hubby #1 was six years (including marriage) or not, so for the sake of argument, we’re gonna assume that their whole relationship, start to finish, was six years. That puts her at 22 when she fell in love with him. Now, in between her divorce and the start of filming, rumor has it that she was in another relationship. According to US Weekly, she met Chase Olswang back in November 2017 and they quickly entered into a 10 month relationship, that (allegedly) didn’t end until the night before Tayshia left for the show. As a bit of evidence, this is on his Instagram:

The Bachelor 2019 | Episode Seven Re-Cap | Tayshia Adams Ex-Boyfriend | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

The Bachelor 2019 | Episode Seven Re-Cap | Tayshia Adams Ex-Boyfriend | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Looking at the first picture, the first hashtag is #ilovethisgirl. Now, look at the second picture and take a moment to look over the hashtags on that Instagram post. . .most of which involve something about an engagement. And this is from July 2018, just shy of 3 months before filming began on Colton’s season. Who do we think Sydney, Demi, and Katie were talking about now? Don’t worry, we’ll come back to this later. . .let’s get back to the date. 

Much to my surprise, they do end up cooking the salmon that was picked out earlier and over dinner the conversation turns to her family and what Colton can expect. She tells him that her dad will be apprehensive and when Colton asks her if her dad will be ready for another man to come into her life, she tells him that he may be hesitant and her dad is somewhat of a hard-ass, but it comes from a place of protectiveness. She just better be praying that her family doesn’t bring up Chase. He does tell her that without a parental blessing, he won’t be able to get down on one knee. In the end, Tayshia reassures him by telling him that her happiness is priority one for her family and in the end he gifts her with the first hometown rose and what was almost his virginity. . .she does come into his bedroom with his jersey on, which was rewarded with a little roll around in the bed. 

Tayshia’s one-on-one is in the books and she is now sitting around talking with Kirpa about the tea she spilled all over Colton’s lap. Kirpa assures Tayshia that she did the right thing and will back her up if given the chance. Their one hope is that Colton confronts Caelynn at some point during their date.

“Meet me in the Rockies.” It’s Caelynn’s round two and this time snowboarding is on the agenda. This is clearly in Colton’s wheelhouse and the only virgin on the snow today is Caelynn. Colton does express his concerns to the camera, but also saying that there are two sides to every story and he will give Caelynn the chance to basically convince him as to why he should meet her family. When they get the opportunity to sit and talk, Colton lays it all out. It’s not until Colton brings up being the next Bachelorette that Caelynn really reacts with “Who, me?”. She tells him that the story is completely fabricated and the only person who knows if she is truly ready is her. Colton wonders why someone would go out of their way to say something to him if there was no truth behind it. . .clearly he has no idea how the female psyche sometimes works, someone would make it up for the same reason someone would deny it. . .for him. She tells him that she’s not interested in gaining a boyfriend at the end of this, she’s looking for a ring. 

He certainly ain’t cooking for Caelynn on this date. . .the evening starts out kinda awkward with Tayshia’s claims still lingering on both of their minds. He lets her know that he will not walk through any door to meet a family if he doesn’t feel that they are ready. She basically tells him that she wouldn’t be there if she weren’t ready and she has never been able to be herself (fully) in a relationship and she was able to do that night one. IF Tayshia’s claims are true, Caelynn is selling this. . .complete with the vulnerable voice and all. She of course stamps the conversation with “I’m falling in love with you.” He reciprocates with the same sentiment and that does it folks, she is taking Colton home to meet her family. The date wraps up with a private concert starring Brett Young, which taught us that Colton may be able to cook, but dancing isn’t on the list of things that he does well. Maybe that’ll change after he learns how to dance in bed. Sidebar #4: I don’t believe that ANY contestant on this show (or real life) has dated someone exclusively for the better part of a year and every date ended in a handshake rather than 1st or 2nd base action and that disbelief is just as equal when a contestant claims that this is the first time in their dating history that they have been able to open up fully. Both claims are crazy talk and I’m starting to wonder if they sit around binge watching past seasons while making a list of what it will take to get to the end. Colton seems like a decent man, but decent or not, things need to be earned and if a label is gonna be put on anything at this point it’s just ‘casually dating’. I’m not saying that contestants shouldn’t open at all, but put me in a bed and whisper some dirty things in my ear and more than my legs will open up. If all we’re doing is sharing conversation over some rocky road, you’ll learn a bit about my family and maybe what my favorite Mexican restaurant is. . .you’re certainly not gonna get in the depths of what makes me, me. I would much rather fuck you first because at the very least I’ll learn if it’s gonna be worth cracking open my internal diary.

Sidebar #5: I don’t believe he told Tayshia he was falling in love with her, although I could be wrong, BUT if he believes Tayshia, then Caelynn should be packing her bags and if he believes Caelynn, then there is a rose he needs to take back. Tayshia never said that someone told her Caelynn and Cassie were having the alleged conversations, she said she heard them, which means either he believes Tayshia or he believes Caelynn, but he can’t believe both.

Before we get to the last one-on-one, Caelynn needs to fill Cassie in on what went down on her date. Cassie’s name was never brought up, so Caelynn has no idea that Tayshia has thrown her out as well. While Cassie was shocked at this turn of events, I think it’s important to point out what Cassie said in reacting to Caelynn. . .“And now, it just makes me wonder, like are my words gonna get twisted too?” Fair warning, I am #TeamCassie, so my opinion most likely will be biased, but here goes. I’m starting to wonder if a conversation was had about who would be the next Bachelorette and not in a me (Cassie) or you (Caelynn) way, but in a curious manner and Tayshia ran with that conversation. Now, if this were the case, I’m not sure why Caelynn didn’t just tell Colton, but maybe even acknowledging a discussion happened would almost be admitting guilt and maybe she didn’t wanna climb that mountain to just get thrown off. 

It’s time for Caelynn to finally confront Tayshia. When Caelynn tells her what Colton claimed, Tayshia didn’t say anything about an overheard discussion with Caelynn and Cassie about which one was gonna be the next Bachelorette or what kind of parties they’ll get to attend or anything about the people they will get to meet. She used the power of deduction and assumed that Katie was referring to Caelynn and Cassie because they were the only two who panicked when Colton brought up Katie’s claims. Tayshia says that she had no plans on talking about Caelynn during their date, which is a lie, she made it clear prior that she was gonna lay it all out, she even made that clear at the end of the last episode. Her stock is definitely losing points the more she tries to defend herself. Now, I went back and watched the scene in question again, wondering if I missed something and the only thing that stood out to me was Tayshia telling Kirpa that they need to take it to the end. I think every girl there had some sort of a reaction to what Katie told Colton, but none seemed more reactionary than the next. 


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“Home is where the heart is.” Alabama Hannah was the first one-on-one of the season and it looks like she’ll be the last. Colton has decided to take Hannah home to meet his family. Now this hasn’t faired well when done in the past. Arie took Krystal home, Nick let Raven meet his parents (though she was in the final two) and Ben took one of the twins home to meet his. All of those girls were eventually sent home, so if Hannah is hearing wedding bells because of this date, she’ll probably wanna get that checked once she gets back home. A note to Colton. . .NEVER is it okay to surprise any girl you’re dating with a trip home to meet the parents. They will ALL need a fair warning. 

Colton gets the chance to tell his dad what some of the departing ladies have been sharing with him and his dad lets him know that he needs to be careful with that kind of information and to trust his gut before he trusts the allegations of anyone else. The discussion switches to Hannah and Colton has nothing but nice things to say, but he does tell his dad that while Hannah may be in love with him, he’s not quite there. His dad then wants to know if he feels ready with any of the others and that in the end, whoever Colton winds up picking, he can’t second guess himself and that it’s important for him to go with his gut.

Hannah is busy chatting away with Colton’s mom. She tells her that she is in love with Colton, but he has yet to say those words to her. She is ready for an engagement or marriage, though one doesn’t usually come without the other. The only advise Colton’s mom could offer is for Hannah to be herself and be open.

The evening is upon us and when Hannah steps out of the limo, I’m quite convinced that she Pretty In Pink’d her mom’s prom dress from the 80’s, but Colton thinks she looks beautiful and that’s all that matters. The conversation starts with thoughts of Colton’s parents and of course, Hannah had only glowing reviews of his mom. He then asks her what makes her so confident in her feelings that she was able to express love for him just a couple of weeks ago. In a nutshell, Alabama Hannah doesn’t date to just date, she dates for marriage. Because that is where she’s at in her life. . .at 24 years old. She expresses that she is still falling in love with him and rambles on and on about how excited she is to take Colton home to meet her family and how she just knows that will kick off the next step in their relationship. This is met with a thank you from Colton, who then expresses how he just doesn’t think he can get to the same place she is in time for the next step in their relationship. Gotta hand it to her, she takes his rejection with the spirit of a true beauty queen. Another one that I cannot wait to see in Paradise.

“Saying good-bye is never easy.” Hannah G., Kirpa, Cassie, and Heather. If there was ever a time to make a dramatic entrance, I suppose this group date was it. Colton doesn’t disappoint when he arrives to pick up the ladies on a train. Once they reach their destination, he kinda lays it out there and lets them know what he is looking for and sends a semi-warning when he tells them that in order for him to meet parents, they need to be confident in where they are at, so basically, if you ain’t feelin’ it, you have got to go. Heather is up first and to sum things up quickly. . .she ain’t ready to take Colton home and quickly reboards the train to head back to hers. Sidebar #6: I have already expressed my feelings when it comes to Heather, which if you missed out on that fun. . .I don’t believe her when she says that she had dated. . .like anyone. I actually didn’t really believe her when she says she had yet to even kiss a guy, but I figured if that were the case, then surely someone would’ve come forward, plus I wanted to give her the benefit of doubt, which is why I went with not believing her about her dating history. Her removing herself from this equation, not only strengthens that belief, but should make it pretty obvious that she was one of the girls that the bug was referring to. . .c’mon Colton. . .she’s barely 23. . .she claims to have dated (even one long term), but had never been kissed and we think she’s ready for marriage? Nope. What I’m wondering is if she wants to be the next Bachelorette? Though I hate to burst the bubble, having a virgin male lead is much different than having a virgin female lead. I’ll just leave that there. But no worries, no one was sad. I think it may have been a relief for Colton to not have had to do the goodbye himself.

Kirpa and Cassie start to have a discussion about what went down between Tayshia and Caelynn, with Cassie expressing hope that the situation doesn’t follow her. Kirpa chimes in and says that she heard the rumors back in Asia from Katie BUT in her confessional, she says that she believes that Cassie is still trying to find herself in life and that’s why she isn’t ready and if Colton asks, she will give her opinion. No mentions of the next Bachelorette or parties or meeting people. Colton finally gets his chance at Cassie and the opportunity to tell her his concerns. She attempt to reassure him by saying that she wouldn’t be there if it weren’t for Colton. Tears are shed, disbeliefs are had and Colton’s gut is eventually trusted. 

Kirpa may claim that she will only bring up the situation at hand if she is asked, but we all have either known some bitches or are some bitches ourselves and know that Kirpa has no intention in waiting for Colton to drop a hint. We trust our gut as well. Kirpa tells Colton how worried she is that he will get to the end and be blindsided and since she has had to end an engagement, she doesn’t want that for him. Which of course leads her to tell him that she has concerns about Cassie and Caelynn. She clings to the story that after Katie left and Colton gave his speech, they were the only two that panicked and got defensive, which is not what she said to Cassie at all. I will say, Kirpa brought a pink notebook with her to talk with Colton, and this BXTCH for sure thought she was about to start producing receipts, I was a bit bummed when it didn’t happen.

When Kirpa sits back down with Hannah and Cassie, her entire story changed. Instead of telling Cassie that her and Caelynn reacted in a very strange manner after Katie left, she tells her that if Katie felt strong enough to say something to Colton, then she wouldn’t have made that up. It went back and forth for a bit, but mainly it was just “you’re wrong”. . .“I’m not wrong”. . .in the end Kirpa and Tayshia are just relying on something that Katie told them, which we still don’t know and most likely won’t find out until the Women Tell All episode. But to answer Kirpa’s burning question of “Why would Katie make it up?”. . .maybe because she is competing for Colton and his dick and either wanted to eliminate the strongest competition OR she knew her time was dwindling and what better way to make a statement than to start up some shit? C’mon, this is How to be a Mean Girl 101. In the end, Colton isn’t yet ready to make a rose decision and the drama will follow us into the night. 

It doesn’t take long for Colton to decide that he needs to meet Hannah’s parents. Once she arrives back at the house and gives Caelynn and Tayshia the rundown, Caelynn takes it upon herself to find Colton and set him straight. Let me just add. . .I have no idea what sort of Bachelorette talk (if any) went down with Caelynn and Cassie, but if Caelynn has her eyes on the leading lady prize, she is setting herself up well. We got to see Colton have a chat with Kirpa, we did not see if a conversation went down with Cassie, but in the end, it was Cassie with the rose. We do learn that Cassie is another one he is falling in love with. 

The Bachelor 2019 | Episode Seven Re-Cap | Rose Ceremony | www.bxtchesbeblogging.comThe Bachelor 2019 | Episode Seven Re-Cap | Rose Ceremony | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

 

“Dude, I better get a fucking rose, cause I will call that stupid bitch out.” -Caelynn

“It’s pretty cool that I got a hometown before hometowns.” -Hannah B.

“You know, he says he wants somebody that challenges him, that is spontaneous, makes him laugh, is funny, has depth, a heart, can be themselves completely, be honest. I don’t know who it’s gonna be, if not me.” -Hannah B.

“What? It’s like, it’s either true or not true. It’s not your opinion. Like in my opinion, you’re an idiot.” -Cassie

It’s pretty evident that the entirety of this episode is centered around whether or not there were ladies left who aren’t ready to walk down the aisle. Let me just go full disclosure before I give my thoughts. Personally, I don’t think ANYONE who goes onto this show is ready for marriage. Not on day one and not two months later, which is why most of the pairings wind up failing. It’s easy to “fall in love” when you’re traveling the world with no real life worries to focus on. But come home and see each others social media or who find out who they voted for in the 2016 election or who their friends are or experience each other day 2 of your period and love was probably a word used very loosely. I would say this to anyone entering an exclusive relationship, but at least in that situation it is person to person, not one man vs. 20+ women, with no exclusivity. But since that’s not what The Bachelor is about, I can only go with what we’re given.

Let’s play Devil’s Advocate for a hot second. We need to recognize that a Bachelorette conversation happened at some point, even if it was taken out of context. So, WHAT IF Caelynn is eyeing that role, which is why she went to Colton to secure Cassie’s spot. I think it’s pretty evident that Cassie is at the top of Colton’s list right now and Caelynn is probably a close second. If Cassie is out, then this could be Caelynn’s to lose, which would then take her out of the running of being selected as the next Bachelorette. She’s already done everything she can do to have America love her. She is the one who extended the olive branch to Alabama Hannah, her past just adds to her package and she went to seek out Colton because she thought it was the “right thing to do”. . .from the outside looking in, she is nearing perfection. So, one would need to ask. . .is she the real deal OR does she have an agenda?

Anyone who watched the episode where Sydney removed herself, knew that she was having issues with Demi, Heather, and in particular Alabama Hannah. Why she didn’t share those names, no one knows. Maybe she felt it wasn’t her place, maybe she didn’t wanna be raked across the coals of social media, but if she didn’t think she was the one who should’ve told him, then it probably wold’ve been best to just keep quiet. Demi and Katie are mysteries to me because I think it’s fair to say that based on what we know about Demi, she’s gonna do great on Paradise but not so much as Mrs. Underwood. . .and I didn’t see enough of Colton and Katie sitting in a tree to form an opinion about her. She seems nice and Colton had to have seen something in her to deem her so trustworthy, but again I will ask, if you trust her so much and believe her when she says people aren’t ready, then why send her home? He kept Caelynn and Cassie, but was clearly having an issue believing them, even though they both told him what he wanted to hear, he still seemed a bit skeptical. . .either Tayshia and Kirpa are telling the truth OR Cassie and Caelynn are. . .Women Tell All should be interesting because if the accusations are correct, then there are tapes somewhere and I for one will need to see them. 

If you have ever seen even one episode of Unreal, then you know production was most likely behind all of the “drama” on this episode. Tayshia never heard Caelynn or Cassie talk about being the next Bachelorette, it was someone putting that into Tayshia’s ear. . .whether it was asking if she thinks they would be good picks or asking her if she believed that Katie was referring to them and why she thinks that, while pushing her towards the Bachelorette issue. If you paid attention, she never once brought up a conversation she overheard when she was actually speaking with Caelynn. Kirpa never brought up a conversation, assumptions were made based solely on how they perceived a reaction. I can’t figure out if production did this to turn fans against Caelynn/Cassie or to turn them against Tayshia/Kirpa. As of now, Bachelor Nation seems pretty upset with Tayshia/Kirpa. 

Even though I blame some of this on production, Tayshia and Kirpa didn’t have to go with it. In my opinion Tayshia knows that she is at the very least (going into this episode) third on Colton’s list. In order for her to move up, she would need to eliminate Cassie and Caelynn and what better way to do that than to play on his fears. But what pisses me off the most is this. . .Tayshia tried to ruin whatever Caelynn and Cassie had with Colton, but when Hannah G. arrives back at the house after receiving her rose, they’re just chatting away like besties. Fuck that, if anyone made an attempt to sabotage a relationship I was working hard at cementing, then all bets are off and you can be sure that all conversations are as well. 

Here’s my last frustration. I don’t understand why Cassie or Caelynn didn’t just tell Colton that either he believes them or he doesn’t and they’ve built up enough of a relationship with them that he should at the very least give them the benefit of doubt. When a contestant goes to the Bachelor/ette with any kind of accusation, it somewhat reeks of desperation and sounds a lot like tattling and any adult should be able to see the ulterior motive.

It also bears mentioning that while Tayshia got some things in her divorce, the biggest thing she was awarded was all of her debts. $80k in student loans, $27k for a car loan, and $8k in credit cards. . .she went from being divorced in November 2017, engaged in July 2018, and hoping to be Colton’s fiancé now. . .maybe it’s love. . .maybe it’s necessity.

I think Elyse deserves a shout out. While I don’t know why she went on the show, knowing what the premise was, at least she stepped out when she realized that there was no way she could share.

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The Bachelorette 2017 | Episode Eight Re-Cap | 07.17.17

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.comIt's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.comBXTCHES Gotta Warn: Tonight is all about the hometown. We’ve come a long way since May 22 and now our girl has narrowed her choices down to FOUR guys. And don’t you feel like she’s your girl? Granted, this is only my second Bachelorette season, but Jojo left me with a bad taste (though I’m happy for her and Jordan), so I feel like Rachel is the real deal and everyone is rooting for her pull that lever and hit at the right time. Anyway, after watching tonight, this BXTCH is feeling a bit blue. It didn’t go the way we all planned for it to and even though my guy(s) are still standing, tonight’s goodbye hit me right in the feels. So brace yourselves BXTCHES, this one is not gonna be easy.

Last Week On: This was one of the first times that I got a bit frustrated with Rachel. Even though I didn’t think Adam and/or Matt would be standing as long as they did, I don’t think that they got a fair shake. But in the end, who really gives a fuck, because I may not have liked the process, the end result was still the same.

Tonight On: HOMETOWNS!!

First up is Eric. It’s no secret that I am not a fan of this guy and I cannot believe that he is still around. But, it ain’t my bed he’ll be coming home to, so who cares what I think. I feel that I need to give a bit of an Eric re-cap (please note that these facts are from the Meet the Cast post that I wrote back in May, so things may have changed):

  • He is 29 years old
  • From Baltimore, but now calls Los Angeles home.
  • According to his LinkedIn account, his current jobs include: Motivational Speaker, Difference Maker, Personal Trainer, Author, and CEO EBiggs Training. 
  • Graduated in 2010 from Hampton University.
  • He has a Facebook account, but it shows absolutely no posts, and there are 215 people following him, who I imagine are sitting around checking their phone, anxiously awaiting what sort of uplifting message will start their day and continue to be disappointed. His Twitter account is a bit more impressive with 421 followers and 5000+ tweets, but his account is set to private, so we’ll have to get motivated through another source. Maybe Instagram (3800 followers), but you could turn to visual motivation and check out his YouTube account, he is only sitting at 110 subscribers, so he could use a bit of a boost. 
  • He is also a published author

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Eric’s first (and only) one-on-one date with Rachel was during episode six, this is where we also learn about Eric’s inability to love because he never really received the love he was craving from his mother. Now, while he never went into detail about his current relationship with the woman who gave birth to him and apparently that was the only thing she was handing out, the conclusion that I drew from that pathetic conversation was there wasn’t a relationship there. In fact, he wasn’t even sure if the feelings he had towards Rachel at that point were feelings of love, because he just doesn’t recognize that particular emotion. I won’t go into much more past detail, all you need to know is that the boy is full of shit. Tonight will be the first time in his eleven years as an adult that he brings home a woman, which would tell all of us watching from the judgmental comforts of our own homes, that maybe Eric is a bit of a whore and the reason no woman has ever reached that familial front door is because he was too busy kicking them out of his. And because I don’t like him, everything about him makes my lip turn up in disgust. From the way he talks, to the way the kisses, but since he is still standing, then I must find the strength to go on, because from the way things are starting to look, Rachel is feeling something for him. 

Upon her arrival, Eric takes her to play some basketball and this is also where a friend of his shows up to give Eric an emotional hand job, Rachel some kind words regarding her boyfriend. One of the accolades his friend bestows upon him is his intelligence, this is the point where I should refer you to the very first Quote of the Show and you can draw your own conclusions on where it is that Eric’s intelligence lies. When they arrive to meet the family, they are greeted by nine people. The three main members being his dad, his aunt, and his mom. In her confessional, Rachel does say that she felt nothing but love and warmth from his family the minute she walked through the door, so again, I may not like him, but I ain’t the one who’s looking to get penetrated by him either. They do kick off with telling the family how it was that they met (on Nick’s ATFR).

Rachel first speaks with Eric’s aunt and the discussion was really on the pressures of being the first black Bachelorette. When they start talking about marriage and family, his aunt does reassure her that Eric is ready for everything Rachel wants. Eric is busy starting the convo with his mother and it quickly turns to him running away from love and how the relationship with his mom wasn’t easy and she wasn’t there for him the way he needed her to be, but he understands that there is a reason for everything. She counters him by saying that their family has a lot of great men and she wasn’t about to let him be a mama’s boy (I’m paraphrasing) and that was her way of showing him love and grooming him into the man he was destined to be. 

Rachel has herself a pretty good discussion with mama and Eric has an equally good one with his dad. Things move to the dinner table, daddy-o makes a toast that sounds like it could’ve come from one of Eric’s books, then Eric makes a toast that made me throw up a little in my mouth. The date ends like all hometowns tend to, with Eric uttering those all important words, of course he follows it up with telling Rachel what he means when he tells her he loves her and in case you are sitting on the edge waiting. . .it just means that he cares about her a lot. Yeah, this is a motherfucker who is ready for love, go ahead and imagine the proposal. . .I dare ya.

Here’s what I thought about this hometown: This is not a man who doesn’t know love. First, I get the impression that his mom was here for this date, only because she’s his mom. I didn’t get the feeling that she was or has been a permanent fixture in his life. But having said that, the discussion Eric had with his mom certainly leaned toward her mothering skills and him feeling like she didn’t love him enough and her explaining why she did the things she did, interestingly this is not the first time this back and forth has taken place and it appears that all has been forgiven in that world and he even expresses to his mother how he loves her unconditionally. That’s a huge change from just a couple of episodes ago. I can’t respect someone who thinks it’s okay to lie to get you from one place to the next, and he flat out let Rachel believe that he is being held back in his ability to scoop love up, all because of his mom. Well, it seems that those issues were resolved a while ago and if he was a child growing up in a loveless home, he is certainly not experiencing that as an adult, in the same home, with the same family. There were a lot of “I love you’s” being tossed from one person to the next. I don’t know why the lie was ever planted, I’m not sure if it’s because his story looks better when told as a young black man faced with adversity, growing up on the hard streets of Baltimore, who didn’t know the love of a mother, but somehow found the strength to overcome the odds and do something with his life. That sounds like a fucking Lifetime movie and is a much better story than a kid who grew up with a family who maybe didn’t always make the best decisions, but he always had the love and support of those around him. Okay, that could also make a fucking good movie, well at the very least a decent PSA. 

Bryan is up next and in case you are suffering from a bit of amnesia, let me remind you BXTCHES that the reason Bryan’s last relationship failed was because of some MamaDrama, his mama that is. Now, I would love a bit more backstory on this, but it looks like it’ll have to come from the ex, because his lips are sealed tighter than a virgin’s where this story is concerned. But, because of my inquisitive nature and also because it’s not too hard to do a quick Google search, I found a couple of his ex girls. Now, Genavieve Boue and Bryan didn’t date too terribly long, but I don’t think she’s the one in question, because from everything that I read (which wasn’t a whole lot), she is pretty supportive of him doing the show and had nothing but accolades to paint him with. The other ex is the shocker because she was actually on Ben’s season on The Bachelor. Remember Jubilee? Oh yeah, according to some sources (not mine, the ones on the internet), Bryan and Jubilee were a brief item. She even went as far to tweet about his face eating kisses. Apparently she is not a fan. . .either that or she’s jealous. I’m gonna go with the latter. Since I re-capped Eric, it’s only fair to do the same for Bryan:

  • 37 years old
  • Resides in Florida. . .Miami to be exact.
  • He is a chiropractor who graduated from the University of Florida in 2003.
  • He has been the Chiropractic Physician/Clinic Director of The Accident and Injury Team since 2009.
  • He was accused of insurance fraud in March 2016, all charges were dismissed without prejudice in March 2017.
  • Oldest contestant
  • Not many posts on Facebook and Instagram account is set to private is no longer active and I couldn’t find anything on Twitter, but I’m sure that will change.

I am pleased to announce that Rachel did greet Bryan in the customary Bachelorette way by throwing herself in his arms and wrapping those legs right around him, but she also gave him a “Hi baby” and he gave her a “bienvenidos a Miami”, and I know where some are with regards to #mamasboy, but I do think that Rachel is feeling it, and I mean that in every way in which it implies. I didn’t want race to be a factor tonight, but Bryan kicks things off by taking her to a dominoes park, cliché much? I had no idea that there was such a thing as a professional domino (or is it dominoes?) player, but that doesn’t hinder the lovebirds from giving it their best shot, they got beat. . .badly. . .but they tried, which is more than I probably would’ve done. I have to literally count the dots and I play a little too slow, I probably bring a great deal of shame to my husbands name, but he’s stuck now. We did get to hear Bryan speak Spanish, so that probably helped soothe the sting of getting the beat down. He shows Rachel the local side of Miami, a lot of the Cuban influences, from the food to the music and dancing, he did a pretty good job in selling the city to her. And it should be noted that they are both wearing the watches that were gifted during the last episode. Bryan does take the time to fill Rachel in on the family and who it is Rachel will meet (mainly mom and dad), this is also where we learn that Bryan is his mother’s only child. #goodluckgirl

There are five people waiting for the couple to arrive. The visit kicks off with a toast from mom, who can’t even make it through saying “the most precious thing that I have in my life”, without tears. And right off the bat, mama has made herself known. Now, this would be a good time for me to poke some fun, but I can’t, because somewhere deep in my soul, I recognize that woman in myself. Lord help my son now, because ain’t no bitch gonna be good enough. 

It’s Bryan and his mom first and she dives right in to why he thinks Rachel is the one. His mom takes the opportunity to remind Bryan that he has been with so many girls and then he goes on a show and falls in love. . .she’s shocked. I think she wanted to say that she doesn’t believe him, but he is her baby boy boo thang and maybe she was trying to be kind. Her face said it all though. I think her disbelief lies in the amount of time or lack of time that it has taken for him to fall in love. Of course she also reminds him that if Rachel doesn’t get along with the mother than “that’s not good”. Rachel’s convo is with some woman with no name? I don’t know if maybe she is a sister with another mom or maybe a cousin, she could be an ex for all we know, ABC should consider doing a better job with these introductions, we BXTCHES really need to know these things. Regardless of who she is, I felt as if she sat with an air of superiority around her, especially since the topic of discussion was his ex and how she integrated herself with his family. Well, I guess she didn’t, which is why she didn’t last, but whoever this chick is, she clearly was given the task of educating Rachel about Bryan’s family, how important the family is, and because of how tight knit the clan is, Rachel should just want to be a part of it. 

When Rachel gets in the hot seat with the mom, the first question asked is what does Rachel see in Bryan that makes him the one and she has her list ready to go. Descriptors such as. . .honest, direct, self-aware, secure, confident, not to mention how good his heart is. . .those are the things that drew her to him. She goes on to say that no other guy has ever treated her the way Bryan has. You would think that every word Rachel utters would be extending a compliment to mom, but the last word I would use in describing her body language at this point, is flattered. I will say that her body was screaming for her to play defense, because she uses this time to basically let Rachel know that “Bryan is my life” and if they make it down the aisle, then Rachel will be marrying into that family. Shout out to our girl for letting mom know that she feels that he would be marrying into her family as well. She (mom) goes onto to explain the difficulties of marriage and how above all else, love is the most important component one must possess. 

In the end, the family approves and Bryan is in love. Now, here are my thoughts. Peter may be at the top of my list, but I’m okay with it being Bryan and Rachel in the end. The only warning sign would be his mom and I don’t necessarily mean that in a negative way. Okay, maybe a tiny bit negative, but here it is. . .Bryan’s mom made it crystal clear that Bryan is the love of her life (way to seal the deal for the husband) and even though they both shared a laugh after the “I will kill you” comment (see Quotes of the Show), no one will be laughing if Rachel breaks his heart and that BXTCH comes through on the promise. But the underlying comment was when she told Rachel that a woman has the power to move the man away from his family and she didn’t have to speak the words for anyone to pick up on the meaning, which was. . .Rachel best not get any ideas about moving Bryan to Texas and away from him mama. He was smart about how he handled the first part of the date. He showed her the local side of Miami and what it is that he loves about the city. Sprinkle in a very close family and the U-Haul is gonna be in Rachel’s future, not Bryan’s. All in all, I think the date went well, she didn’t return the sentiment of love in words, but she planted them on his face.

Fan favorite (well, at least our favorite) Peter is up and let’s hope he comes to win. But, in the spirit of equality, here is the re-cap:

  • 31 years old
  • Personal Trainer, Model, and volunteer for the Make-A-Wish foundation.
  • From Madison, WI (current hometown).
  • Attended Madison Area Technical College.
  • Owner at Worth Personal Training.
  • Personal Instagram account is set to private-however is no longer private, his business Instagram (@worthpersonaltraining) is public as well.

They meet up in Madison and the farmer’s market. During her confession time, Rachel still has concerns over whether or not Peter is ready for his meeting with Neil Lane. We already know that Peter will not adorn her finger with any sort of ring, if he is not ready. The problem? Rachel is ready and she is looking for someone who is at the very least, is in the same place as she is. Keep your fingers crossed for that beautiful man, because for every reason Rachel has for keeping Peter, she has one for sending him home. The day eventually brings them to a local bar, where Peter has arranged for some friends to meet up. Surely I wasn’t the only one who noticed that the two couples who showed up were playing in the interracial dating pool? Maybe it wasn’t done purposely, but good move Peter. There wasn’t a whole lot revealed during this time, I guess at some point during Rachel and Peter’s time, he did confess that 80% of his closest friends are black, that seems like a very strange thing to reveal during a date, regardless of your dates skin color, but it got a chuckle out of Rachel. It was a bit more awkward than it was easy going, but that could be blamed on a first time meeting or the fact that cameras were all up on them. . .but here is where Peter won me over even more. When he gets his two besties alone, he lays it all out. The conversation went something like this. He does have feelings for Rachel, but he does not yet know how those feelings will translate outside the box that is The Bachelorette. What will it feel like in the real world, where he wakes up next to her every day. So while he knows he is feeling something strong for her, is it strong enough to get him to the place where he is asking her to be his forever? His friends do offer some guidance by telling Peter to not get to caught up in the future, stay in the moment, because no one ever really knows what the future holds, but if you have the right person by your side, that is what matters. 

It’s time to meet the family. . .mom (Lynn). . .dad (Gary). . .brother (David). . .sil (Brooke). . .niece and nephew (Charlotte and Hudson). After hugs are given out, it’s time to tell their story, you wonder if the crew has ever had to yell “CUT!”, because the Bachelor/ette began telling the wrong story and got their girl/boyfriends mixed up? 

Rachel gets time with the sister-in-law first and she tells Rachel that Peter is someone who is caring and wears his heart on his sleeve. She does believe that he is ready for the next step, but she also believes that there is something holding him back. That sounds a little contradictory to me, but maybe the in law is just trying to cover every base, I was a bit busy trying to check out the marquee next to the in law, that not only was lit up, but also said something along the lines of “Welcome Rachel”, so I could’ve missed something. 

Peter gets time with his mom, who is sporting a hairstyle that is awfully similar to Kate Gosselin circa 2009, surely someone could’ve helped Lynn out, but I suppose we ain’t tuning in to see to the style she’s rocking, we’re actually interested in the advice she’s about to dole out to her son, so let’s continue. He confides that he’s afraid he’ll miss an opportunity if he still has his walls up when it comes time to propose and instead of his mom telling him what he should do, she offers him her support. . .so Kate Gosselin aside, I may like myself some Lynn. 

Rachel and Lynn sit down for a fireside chat and question #1: “Where do you see four years from now?” Four is an awfully random number, but Rachel doesn’t skip a beat when she tells her that she sees herself married, with more than one kid. She goes onto to talk about her parents and how they have been married for 38 years. But, I wanna go back to the four years. I’m not sure what the actual timeline looks like, but four years is just a mere 48 months. Now I’m not trying to Rachel Green this shit, but assuming that she won’t be walking down the aisle for at least a year, ABC does have a schedule after all and we all know that those nuptials will be aired, and also assuming that she won’t get knocked up until the “I do’s” are exchanged, we are now down to 36 months. Going on to assume the happy couple will need at the bare minimum one year of martial bliss before the egg gets fertilized, we are now down to 24 months and she is wanting more than one kiddo, so allow 18-20 months to cook the little fuckers and the actual time they will be married before the pitter patter of little feet. . .a year and a half at the most. If this was the real world minus cameras and ratings, then maybe that’s doable, but even then, that’s not a lot of time. Add in cameras and ratings and possibly even more reality shows, then I could sense some doom. I hope not, but maybe Rach should rethink those expectations. Back to Lynn, when asked if she thinks Peter is ready for all that Rachel desires, her answer was a bit weird. Yes, he is ready to start a family. Yes, he is ready to have someone in his life to share those things with and yes, he is ready for a commitment, but she doesn’t think he is necessarily ready for the ring and the proposal and the marriage. . .yet. 

Before goodbyes are said, Rachel and Peter pop a squat on the front steps to talk about the day. I feel that Rachel was trying to get him to express himself by using the word ‘love’, but I believe she was being a little backhanded about it, using her hometown with Nick as the game changer in that relationship. Peter had nothing but positive vibes and thoughts regarding the day and after seeing her interact with his friends and family, moved him even more in the direction of asking for her hand, but I think all she can see are the walls he has up, she’s not hearing the message he’s sending out. 

First the bad news. I do think that we are down to a Peter vs. Bryan finale and I think Bryan may have moved ahead tonight, especially after he was able to breath a sigh of relief where his mother was concerned. While I don’t think Peter is too far behind, I also don’t think either one of them (Rachel or Peter) are fighting for the relationship in a way that would reassure me that Peter is gonna be the last man standing in the end. Here’s what I’m trying to say. . .I’m sure Rachel’s discussion with Lynn didn’t fill her with the warm fuzzies she was hoping for, but I’m confused on why she just didn’t sit with Peter and discuss it. In the real world, any talk about marriage six or so weeks into a relationship, would be grounds to Usain Bolt your ass out of there, but this isn’t the real word, both parties willingly agreed to participate on a show where the end result is an engagement, so why not talk about the elephant. Why didn’t Peter tell Rachel the same concerns he shared with his friends. He could’ve easily put her mind at ease by telling her that he needs to know what her morning breath smells like or maybe he needs to see drunk Rachel come out and play or maybe he just needs to see what her clothes look like in his closet BEFORE he can be sure that their union is a forever union. I can’t for the life of me figure out why Rachel is so bothered by these walls. If you aren’t comfortable enough to sit and have the difficult discussions, then forget about fucking marriage. I have always proclaimed that love is easy. It’s easy to cuddle up to your person while whispering how much you love them and it’s fun to make out with them, hoping that it leads to the really good stuff. . .love is the easy part of marriage. The hard part? The ‘despite the fact’ part. For example, as I type these words, my husband is laying next to me, snoring like a goddamn freight train, so I love my husband although I would really like to shove him out of the bed and listen to his body hit the ground, just to stop the snoring. Another example? I still want to fuck my husband on the regular despite the fact that I have trained him over and over again on the proper way to hang up clothes, but since he refuses to take notes, still can’t get it quite right. And this goes both ways, my husband has nothing but adoration for me, even though I become a raging bitch once a month, sometimes more and I can’t even blame biology. And trust a BXTCH, there are times when I look in the mirror and even shock myself, but I know despite the fact that I may look like I could star on an episode of The Real Housewives of the Trailer Park, my husband has nothing but hunger when he sees me. I’m gonna have to stop the ‘despite the facts’ here, because I could write a book. So, I can’t blame Peter for wanting to make sure that the connection with Rachel is still electric long after the ‘Peter and Rachel: Stars of The Bachelorette’ chapter ends and they see how well they can actually dodge the balls being thrown at them in the wonderful game of Dodgeball that some of us call life. 

I’m gonna focus more of my time on Dean and Rachel with what I actually thought, but first things first here is your re-cap:

  • 26 years old
  • Recruiter for a tech recruiting company in Los Angeles (where he resides).
  • Attended the University of Colorado.
  • When asked “What does being married mean to you?” His answer: “I think marriage is an institutionalized sham derived from religious beliefs. That said, when I get married, it’s a life-long commitment.”
  • He has a pretty decent Instagram following (close to 3000) and with a name like deanie_babies, would you expect anything less? His current Twitter account only has 69 followers and just one tweet, so clearly deanie_babies is his bread and butter.
  • He also met Rachel on Nick’s ATFR and you’ll remember him because he is the one who told Rachel “I’m ready to go black and I’m never gonna go back.” So, definitely looking forward to this gem.

Remember, last week during his one-on-one with Rachel, Dean came clean about his apprehension where meeting his family was concerned. Rachel did put his mind at ease and we are now to the part where the meet and greet is inevitable. The date kicks off with Dean and Rachel riding some ATV’s. This alone is one of the reasons I think Rachel is drawn to Dean, he has a very natural ability to have fun, which most likely brings some spontaneity to what is probably a very stressful life for Rachel. Talk quickly turns to Dean’s family and who it is that Rachel will be meeting. Both of his bothers (Brad and Ross) will be there, along with his sister (Skye), his brother’s girlfriend (Ashley) will also be in attendance. His dad has converted to kundalini yoga and all in which that implies. He now goes by his self given name, Parumrup, which means ‘divinely beautiful’. He has remarried and the step mom is Santantar. Now, from what Dean confesses to Rachel, most of this conversion took place only six years ago and if everyone shows up, it will be the first time they have all been under the same roof in eight years. He hasn’t spoken with his father in two years and has only met his step-mom twice, to say that the discomfort was displayed in every one of Dean’s mannerisms would be an understatement, he was looking forward to this about as much as one would look forward to having a steel rod shoved into their dick hole. Given the way in which Rachel was raised, I think she is having a hard time understanding why it is that Dean has gone so long without speaking to his father, so she throws that question out there, which has Dean responding with “Is it my responsibility to talk to my dad? Like, is it my responsibility to reach out to him and make sure there is a relationship there?” He admits to not really trying to make the effort, but really placing the blame on the elder. 

Up to this point, it’s been the men reassuring a very nervous Rachel that things are going to be fine (where meeting the family is concerned), this date it was the other way around. Rachel is doing what she can to calm Dean down. They arrive to the family sitting in a semi-circle on the floor and when his dad says “We were waiting on King Dean to show up.”, that gave me every insight I needed where his dad was concerned. It’s quite obvious that Dean lives a very different life from the simplistic one his dad lives and from that comment, it seems that Parumrup doesn’t think too highly of Dean’s lifestyle. The gong gets played and while it made Dean very uncomfortable, Rachel seemed to be relaxed by it. When Parumrup presented Dean and Rachel with feathers, that were a symbolic representation of Dean’s mom, you could sense the love the entire family had for her and even the yogi shed some tears. That was one of the few shining moments of this date.

This whole hometown quickly morphs into some weird ass therapy session. Dean goes with his father and Rachel goes with Dean’s sister. Rachel brings up the subject of Dean and dad and how she knows it’s been a while since they have talked. I’m not sure what anyone was trying to get from digging, but all that happened was the can got opened and worms began to crawl. You didn’t need Dr. Phil to come to the conclusion that this family (especially the kiddos) have not dealt with the grief that the passing of their mother brought and it’s been ten years. As soon as Skye even dips her toe into that pool, the tears start. She does go on to tell Rachel about how Dean has been through so much and how strong he is and how much she admires him. Solely based on the very small snippet of convo that ABC aired, this family needs to have some grief counseling, ten years ago. The talk with dad started with him criticizing Dean in a very underhanded way. Dean looks about as interested in having this conversation as one would be in talking about how many ex-lovers they have had. His dad takes all the credit for how well Dean has turned out, which prompted Dean to ask whether or not Parumrup feels that he is still fulfilling his role as a father, which leads into talks of the past. I think that Dean was really doing a great job in getting his anger off his chest, but his dad just rebuffed every gripe he had. Dean wanted his dad to get angry, he wanted to both discuss how his mom passing made him feel, while hearing how it made his dad feel. His dad does open up some, but I think it came at a cost because when Dean tells his dad that he felt abandoned, Parumrup ends the discussion. When Dean tells his dad that he loves him, regardless. . .all he got in return is a “Well, whatever.”

Parumrup runs into Rachel outside, and when she requests to talk over by the fire, he’s done. She does thank him for his hospitality and when he goes on to say what he needs to, it was almost as if he forgot about the cameras and once he realizes that they are capturing every word, he shuts down. He had kind words for Rachel, but in the end, he needed to be done with all things ABC and The Bachelorette.

When Rachel finds Dean, he does tell her that he is falling in love with her and SPOILER ALERT. . .she tells him the same.

I’m actually gonna share my thoughts on Dean’s hometown in my Final Thoughts.

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly Recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Tonight’s heartbreak will be coming to us from Dallas, Texas. . .way to give a BXTCH a heads up ABC. . .and Chris Harrison finally makes an appearance. It’s quite obvious that each Rose Ceremony is more difficult than the last, so it stands to reason that tonight may actually split Rachel’s heart in two. When all is said and done, here is the order in which the roses were handed out:

The Bachelorette 2017 | Meet the Cast | It's Reality BXTCHES | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Bryan, 37

The Bachelorette 2017 | Meet the Cast | Episode Re-Cap | It's Reality BXTCHES | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Eric, 29

The Bachelorette 2017 | Meet the Cast | Episode Re-Cap | It's Reality BXTCHES | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Peter, 31

Leaving Dean and the rest of us with any sort of a pulse, left to wonder that if in the end, his family did him in.
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“So for me, I think this is the most important step I’m ever took in my life.” -Eric

“. . .and Miami just screams Bryan. It’s hot, it’s steamy, there’s something sexy about it. Sometimes it speaks to you in Spanish. I mean, this is Bryan.” -Rachel

“Bryan’s my life. He’s my love. He’s my pride.” -Bryan’s mom

“If he’s happy, I’m happy. If not, I will kill you.” -Bryan’s mom

“I am letting myself feel all the feels, and it feels good.” -Rachel

As someone who has been married for 18 years (shout out to my BOO!), I feel that I am more than qualified to offer Rachel some advice. Now, her parents have been joined together in holy matrimony for 38 years, surely they have some words of wisdom of their own. . .but I have the blog, so my rules. While I understand Rachel’s trepidation about Peter and where he stands at the moment, I am reading from a totally different book. If anything, this would make me even more sure about Peter being the one. I can’t judge one for how quickly or not quickly they fall in love or at the very least declare it, but to punish someone that you are clearly starting to fall in love with, all because he may not be ready at the end to drop down to one knee, kinda makes you look selfish. I get that you are not looking to end this process with just a ‘boyfriend’, but isn’t it better to be sure before you make that walk? Lots of talk about pressure, pressure on being the first African-American lead on this franchise, pressure from both sides of the road. . .if this ends in a break-up, then not only are you just another reality t.v. statistic, but now the chances of another lead of color taking the reins are slim, and while that burden shouldn’t fall at your doorstep, it has. Thirteen seasons of The Bachelorette and five couples are still together, that’s about a 38% success rate, so the odds are most certainly in your favor. . .but why rush it. You’re not buying a car, you’re buying your forever. . .take a moment and savor, trust in your gut, and believe in love. . .BUT. . .if Peter wasn’t quick enough in putting the words out there, I think I can speak on behalf of BachelorNation with certainty when I say. . .we’re gonna need Peter to be the next Bachelor.

Two of our guys tonight outfitted themselves in pants that gathered at the ankle. Is this a new thing? Or am I just out of touch? We did have an entire conversation about booties on Gucci belts and smacking yourself with some Chanel, so I sometimes like to think I’m good to go with what’s current, but I can fucking guarantee you that if my husband came home in a pair of pants that not only showed off the socks (or lack thereof) that he is sporting, but will also leave an indention in your skin, then my lady boner is gone and it’s not coming back for a while. I think Bryan is sexy as fuck, but even him in those pants couldn’t give me an erection. Oh and it was Bryan and Dean who miscalculated the sexiness of pants that scrunch up around the ankle.

Hometown dates are supposed to feel good. They’re supposed to invoke a sense of pride in the one bringing you home. They get the opportunity to show you around town and plan a date for once, while you get the chance to see them in their element, in a place where comfort and love is pouring from them. Dean’s hometown took every one of those qualities and did the exact opposite. ABC and Rachel knew last week how uncomfortable Dean was with the idea of introducing her to his family. Not only that, but they were also made aware of how long it had been since Dean has spoken with his family, his father in particular, and the reasons why. So, why make Dean go through with it? Why couldn’t Dean use the hometown as a way to introduce Rachel to his city and friends, those he picked to be his family? The only thing Rachel and ABC did tonight, was make sure that the next in line for Dean’s heart will not even get to knock on his dad’s door. Watching it all unfold the way it did, broke my heart. It should be said that when Eric and Bryan both confessed their love for Rachel, she did not say it back, but she did with Dean. While she was left to wonder if the reason behind Dean’s proclamation was triggered by the events that unfolded with his family, I can’t help but wonder if her sentiment was uttered as a way to comfort Dean. I didn’t think Dean would be the one in the end, but once he made it painfully clear how much he was hesitating over the hometown, I didn’t think she would send him packing after. Shame on ABC and Rachel, for going after ratings and some twisted hope of a breakthrough and not giving one fuck over the feelings that got trampled in the process. 

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Episode Seven | 02.13.17

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BXTCHES Gotta Warn: If there was ever a time for me to be a BXTCH who popped a Xanax every once and awhile, tonight’s episode would’ve been it. The closer we get to the knee drop, the more intense it seems to get and tonight just drilled us hard with that point. There is so much happening tonight, not just with the episode and the hometown’s looming, but the new Bachelorette is also being revealed tonight and we are going to cover everything, from first base, all the way to the slide into home.

Last Week On. . .When we left Nick and the ladies, Nick had just walked into the suite that the women share and bombed them with the “I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to do this” line, it even came with tears, so shit got pretty real. This was after he had shockingly send Danielle L. home after the two-on-one date. So, as much as I would like to say “ohhh. . .what ever will Nick do? Will he stay and see this experiment through or will he tell the ones remaining to pack their bags, he’s out?”.  Seriously BXTCHES, did we really think ABC would just allow Nick to bow out and head home? Of course not, but he’s determined to make it interesting.

This Week On. . .We are down to the final six and tonight Nick will give date cards for (3) one-on-one dates and (1) group date. It’s important to remember that no rose is offered during the one-on-one dates and this is the final group date of the season, but someone will be given a rose during that date, ensuring that Nick will make it to meet the ones they love. 

The wanna be brides are still in St. Thomas when we kick off tonight and we find some of the ladies hanging out and discussing the possibility that Nick could go home still a bachelor and Lordy Lou, they seem to be just as upset as Nick at the prospect of this travesty occurring. BXTCH side commentary: Good God, let me just stub my big toe now, it’s gonna be that kind of night. I can’t figure out if these butterflies are more upset that Nick could go home empty handed or if the tears are flowing because their time could be cut short. Maybe it’s the cynic in me or my old age, I get being upset, but the way these BXTCHES are using up the tissue, one would think that he has actually left them at the alter. But since Taylor is no longer in their company to use that master’s degree, let Mama Merrie come to the party for a bit. Look here, if he were to bow out now and say “fuck it, I’m not willing to potentially go through that emotional pain again”, then I would tell you BXTCHES to keep walking, because when you know that you have found The One, past pain doesn’t rejoin the celebration, because there is no room for it. It’s all about the here and now. So suck it up, all that liquor ain’t gonna drink itself. Chris shows up while Nick is pondering life and the other great wonders of the world and decides to counsel the moment. Part of Nick’s concern is his past relationships. Him feeling really good about where those were headed, just to be blindsided and left alone. Understandably, he is terrified to go through that again. When asked if he wants to throw in the towel, his response. . .“I think there’s a big part of me that is and I think that’s what scares the shit out of me.” I don’t think the ABC psychiatrist is properly vetting some of these contestants (Nick included). 

Nick once again, just walks right into the girls’ suite (what is with that?) and begins to bear his soul. . .the girls are freaking the fuck out, but to make a very long conversation short, he’s not going anywhere, there will be no Rose Ceremony and the ones remaining are headed off to the island of Bimini. Smiles are back on their faces, cocktails are back in the glasses, and peps are back in their steps. . .they are that much closer to taking Nick home.

One-On-One Date (#1): The date card arrives and the clue? “Let’s go deeper. . .” That’s a clue I can get behind ABC, well done. Every beauty left, was sitting on the edge of their seats waiting to see who would be the first one to get the date in Bimini, but Corinne’s ass was about to fall right off of that edge. Now, she is the only remaining hopeful who has yet to go one-on-one with Nick, well through the dating process that is. Vanessa is the one left with the smile on her face, while the rest of the ladies have evil shooting straight out of the sockets. BXTCH side commentary: Am I the only one who finds it strange that everyone gets pissed at whoever gets chosen for the one-on-one date, but when Nick sends a BXTCH packing, there’s nothing but sadness and tears? I think they’re getting their emotions confused. She meets Nick at the marina and a pretty nice yacht has been chartered. Now, Vanessa did throw up on their previous one-on-one, so taking her on another date where motion sickness could come into play is pretty brave. Vanessa uses this time to discuss Nick sending home Danielle L. and I’m not really against this line of questioning, I just don’t understand why she chose to go with it. We are down to the final six ladies, maybe starting a dialogue regarding the future could be key at this point.

Meanwhile back at the villa. . .Corinne is having a really hard time understanding why Nick chose Vanessa for this date and her and Rachel have decided to figure it out. It is Corinne’s professional opinion that the only reason Nick’s pick was Vanessa, was because Nick wanted to give her an opportunity to “open up more to him, emotionally-wise” (that’s a direct quote). Even though Corinne says that she isn’t going to freak out about the date, she certainly is and attacking Vanessa in the process. It’s ironic when Corinne says that she doesn’t see “much depth to Vanessa”, when the only expanse she has offered up to this point has to with how deep her pussy is, but hey. . .maybe her and Nick are having some very profound convos and ABC has just chosen to play keep away with them. The BXTCH even takes a dig at Vanessa’s family and her job. Way to keep it classy, Corinne. 

Back to the date in question. The conversation does take on a bit more depth (there you go, Corinne) and I think they both leave it feeling a bit closer with one another. They strap on the snorkeling gear and jump right into the crystal blue water, it seems for the sole purpose of making out, but I’m sure they were exploring more than each others bodies. In her confessional, Vanessa does admit that she wants to tell him she loves him and that she is falling in love with him, but won’t tell him just yet. I know that doesn’t make a ton of sense, but she said it, not me. The nighttime talk leads them to discussing the hometown dates. Vanessa takes over by telling Nick how easy this relationship is for her and that easy isn’t something she has had in the past. She goes on to say that it’s been years since she has felt for someone that way she feels for Nick, she then puts all her chips in and goes for broke when she utters the “I am falling in love with you”, it’s sealed with a kiss and Nick telling her “I really, really like you a lot”, which is what every woman wants to hear when she puts her heart on the line. I mean, he did preface that with a pretty well thought out monologue about how he’s been in love before and how he’s fallen in love on the show before, but what he is looking for is a love that he has never had. . .then he hit her with the “I really like you” line. Nick actually gave her a really good paragraph, I mean, it could’ve almost come out of one of my favorite books, it was well thought out, got his point across, it wasn’t really what she wanted to hear, but anyone who watches the show should know that what he said is about as close to saying “I love you” as one is going to get at this point. 

When the group date card arrives, it’s Corinne, Kristina, and Raven left to decode “Let’s jump in with both feet first.” And we’re back to square one ABC. That leaves both Rachel and Danielle knowing that they will be the ones getting alone time with The Bachelor himself. Once again, Nick goes with the yacht, I’m not sure if it’s the exact same one that he had Vanessa on, but Nick is certainly pimpin’ in style. The girls shimmy out of their clothes to reveal what’s underneath, with Corinne really putting on a show and one can’t help but wonder how snug Nick’s board shorts really are at this point, but regardless of what was growing beneath, the loud ass flowers (YES FLOWERS) that are decorating said shorts, surely covered up any embarrassments. The tension created when Nick puts his hands to work at applying sunscreen to Kristina, is so thick, Corinne could’ve chewed through it, he even kicked it up a notch when his hand met the inside of her (Kristina’s) upper thigh. . .message was sent. . .message was received. They soon find out that they will be swimming with sharks, Kristina is freaking out a bit, Corrine actually asked if the sharks were toothless (and she was offended when she claimed that Taylor called her stupid) and Raven went full on southern girl with “I will punch a shark in the face, if it gets close to me”. Once they enter the ocean, even this BXTCH was thinking “fuck that!”, that motherfucker looked too much like Jaws. . .I mean, they couldn’t swim with Flipper? When Kristina looked down, her meter went off and she got the hell out of dodge. Now, I’m sure she wasn’t playing any games, but her tactic worked, because Nick followed her out and offered comfort, while Corinne was not enjoying sitting on the other side and watching the damsel in distress play out. Where I think this is interesting is the fact that Corinne hasn’t really allowed her sexuality to come out and play during this date, you know, the quality that comes so natural to her. Wanna know why? Because the BXTCH is not litty lit and even when they head into the evening, she is still pretty subdued. Kristina gets her time first and once again, the words start to go towards Danielle L., maybe it’s because he feels as if he needs to explain himself, but I would rather talk about my relationship with him, not why he ended a relationship with someone else, but he did shed some tears, which seemed to hit Kristina right where he intended, because the making out commences shortly after. Back in the waiting room are Corinne and Raven and I’ve gotta say that Corinne is popping back cheese cubes as if it’s popcorn and I’m a bit worried about her future bowel movements. Raven played the smarter game, because she goes in knowing she will not fight for Nick’s attention, that’s brilliant, Hoxie. The exchange between Nick and Raven is what I’ve been wanting to hear. They talk about her family and who Nick will be meeting and how her dad has beat lung cancer, not one mention of Danielle L. When Corinne’s number is called, she uses her time to voice some concerns, mainly how she is worried because she has yet to be given the coveted one-on-one date. . .Nick gives her the reassurances she is looking for and since she isn’t sloppy drunk, there was no straddling Nick or rubbing her parts with his parts, just some clean, even though we did get a glimpse of the tongue, making out. I think she really thought Nick was about to hand over the prickly little bastard to her, but Raven received it instead, which means that Nick is guaranteed to make his way to Hoxie, Arkansas. Because she is the one handed the rose, she gets to spend some time with Nick dancing on the beach. Pretty romantic Nick, well done.

Meanwhile back at the villa. . .Corinne and Kristina spend some time discussing Danielle’s date with Nick and Corinne is beginning to really freak the fuck out. I was waiting for her to pull an Abby Lee Miller and pull out the pyramid, ranking those who are left. 

One-On-One Date (#2):“Danielle-Let’s ride off into the sunset together.” Okay, you’re veering back on course, this one is a bit more romantic. When Danielle got the card, she was as giddy as a toddler on Christmas morning. It was giggly, it was head thrown back in excitement and remember that, because we’re gonna discuss it later. When she first arrives to meet Nick, the greeting is enthusiastic from both parties, they jump on some bikes and take off. In between the bike travels, they make some stops and enjoy the local life, it all very much resembled a couple on a tropical vacation. Even in her confessionals, Danielle is gushing over Nick and her feelings for him, the doubt begins to creep in (for Nick) when they sit down to chat. I’m not sure what has happened in their relationship from their first one-on-one and any group dates to now, but you can hear the crickets a chirping. On a side note, they are enjoying some beer from some really funky wicker cozies, can someone please hook a BXTCH up? When the topic of hometowns come up, Nick asks Danielle if they would go back to Wisconsin, to which she responds with a “mm-hmm”, she does go into more detail when she tells him that she would actually take him to her cabin. Romantic enough, I suppose, but the purpose of the hometown dates is to meet ones family and that conversation never happened. In fact, the empty filled up quick, so awkward, that to fill the space, Nick pointed out the seashell island. He said it best when he said “Right now Danielle and I seem to be struggling to have a more natural conversation.” During Nick’s time with the camera, he did say that it’s time to ask the more difficult questions, unfortunately he has yet to take the date in that direction. When the date moves into the dusk, the back and forth starts off well, Nick tells Danielle all the things he really likes about her, she then opens up the gate and tells Nick how open her heart is for him and how she is ready to take on the world with him, she also divulges that she has never felt this way with anyone else and that’s when I gotta hit the brakes. This is the second person (at least) who has confessed to feeling things with Nick that they have never felt with anyone else and this BXTCH calls bullshit. The only thing at this point that they feel with Nick and that has lacked in any previous relationships, is a bit of celebrity. Including this date, Danielle has had a total of (2) one-on-one dates and (3) group dates with Nick, and those dates didn’t even make it out of the batters box. Not that I know this woman’s personal dating history, but I’m quite sure she has had previous relationships where she has found herself minus a few articles of clothing. And I’m not trying to say that it’s all about the sexy times, but when you don’t even know how well this man visits the state of your Virginia, then I think it would be hard to move him to the front of the line. I just wish they would stop saying what it is they think Nick wants to hear and just be more true to who they are. Geesh, there are some pages that Chad wrote that may be worth the read. Anyhow, back to the date, she basically tells him the equivalent of “I’m falling. . .”, she then asks him how he feels and that bastard looks like he just got caught saying the wrong name, it’s then that he decides that he must not be feeling the same for Danielle, because he chooses that time to tell her goodbye. Even the cynic in me felt super bad for the girl. She was my final pick and with her out, my bracket has blown up worse than my March Madness bullshit. To say that she was blindsided would be an understatement, she wouldn’t have seen this coming if Nick would’ve displayed it on a billboard. BXTCH side commentary: As sad as I was to see her go, the one conclusion I came to was this: there is no room in his quad for someone like Danielle and someone like Corinne. Those two are about as opposite as Marilyn Manson and John Denver. I think Danielle was more introverted around Nick than she is in her normal everyday personality, which could’ve ultimately been her downfall. But I will add this, if she could’ve just shown a fraction of the emotion she showed when receiving her date cards or even having to tell the others goodbye, he may have seen something in her that he could’ve attached to. I understand being shy and reserved, but this process doesn’t really allow a lot of time for that, you have to bring it and bring it well on a very condensed calendar. But sometimes it really isn’t meant to be. She is then tasked with the humilatation of having to head back to the villa to pack her bags and say goodbye to the remaining ladies.

Here is the moment we have been waiting for all season. For the entire episode, Corinne has been having mini mental breakdowns when it comes to where she thinks she stands with Nick. Danielle has now been sent home and that kinda sent a shock to everyone. Corinne uses this opportunity to shoot down some wine (because for her, nothing sexy is done without inebriating herself), dress in a sexy get-up and round out the look with heels that are so high, she is doing her best to remain upright. She scratches out the #whitegirlweave, reminds America that her vagine is platinum and street walks her way to the Hilton. I would like to say that Nick was shocked when she knocks on his door, I won’t because that would be a lie. But, he does let her in and in an effort to cut right to the chase, she gets him into the bedroom, where I think a “massage” is being offered up, we do know some making out is happening, but when she makes an attempt to show him just how platinum the pussy is, he does turn her down. On a side note: There is always a dinner, that turns out to be a non-dinner, when a date is taking place. When asked how come the contestants never eat, the standard answer given is “no one wants to hear the chewing”, well ABC, I’m gonna use this time to clue you in. . .no one wants to listen to two people attempting to suck the tongues out of each other, either. After getting shut down, Corinne is clearly embarrassed and is forced to put the ‘shame’ in walk of shame, all the way back to the villa.

One-On-One Date (#3):“Rachel, Let’s get a taste of a local flavor.” That’s another good one guys. Once again, Nick and Rachel decide to hit up the local scene, which seems to really bring out the most natural personalities in both of them. They find a bar, order a beer, and really strike up a good, personal conversation. The talk moves to something that I think the majority of America is wondering. . .how is Rachel’s family gonna handle it when she walks through their front door with a white man on her arm? Now, obviously there was the possibility of this happening when she set out on the adventure, but the possibility and the reality are two different things. Here’s what we have learned. . .Rachel has dated white guys, but has never brought one home, however, her family includes a bit of every flavor, so he shouldn’t walk into the Lindsey home, worrying about the color of his skin, or hers, for that matter. For the safety of Nick, he should address her dad as ‘sir’, her family supports her 100% and she is a daddy’s girl. All in all, it was another great date, but one that ended during the daylight hours. The nighttime has been booked for the Rose Ceremony.

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What is supposed to be Nick gearing up for this all important ceremony, when Chris and Nick sit down, Nick already knows who it is he will, for lack of a better term, be breaking up with. Now, Raven is safe, since she was given the group date rose and one could only assume the same for Vanessa and Rachel. Even though there was no date rose to be given during their time with Nick, but him sending Danielle home on her one-on-one, bodes well for those two, since they weren’t give the boot during their date. That leaves Corinne and Kristina. Instead of waiting for a ceremony and kicking someone in the gut in front of four other girls, Nick decides to head over to the villa and cut the strings now, instead of later. Even though it’s Corinne who is freaking out when he walks through that front door, it’s Kristina who he seeks out. And to spare you the horrible deets, it was sad, it was tearful (on both sides), and dare I say, it was maybe a mistake. Who knows, that means. . .Rachel, Vanessa, Raven, and Corinne will all have the opportunity to bring Nick back to where they call home and introduce Nick to the ones who know these ladies best. That is of course, if Nick decides to keep four women to take into the hometown week. We’ll just have to wait and see.

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“I’m getting frustrated and I’m really bloated. . .Uhhhh!” -Corinne

“I do believe. . .that there is a greater love for me, than what I’ve had.” -Nick

“You’re just so great and. . .” -Nick

“Not great enough” -Danielle

“I would live in a shack with no diamonds for Nick, I would. That’s how much I care about Nick and want to be with Nick. Who am I?” -Corinne

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Corinne, 24, business owner

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Rachel, 31, attorney

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Raven, 25, fashion boutique owner

The Bachelor 2017 | It's Reality BXTCHES | Episode Re-Cap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Vanessa, 29, special education teacher

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Danielle M.,31, neonatal nurse

The Bachelor 2017 | It's Reality BXTCHES | Episode Re-Cap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Kristina, 24, dental hygienist

I guess we gotta discuss the big giant Bachelorette sign in the room. By now, the world knows that Rachel is the new #bachelorette and I am someone who is ecstatic over this news. But, I gotta know ABC, why release this bomb now, while she is still on the show? I understand the eagerness, but I don’t read Reality Steve for a reason, if I wanted to be spoiled, I could skip a lot of hours and just use Google. Willpower is a real thing, let’s get some. 

I realize that there is a collective portion of America that is ready to pull out their hair after Nick sent Kristina and Danielle home, while keeping Corinne around. And the truth? I do believe the reason is rooted in sex, but I also think that it has something to do with Nick attempting to reclaim something. I’m not sure if that something is entrenched somewhere back in his twenties or if it has something to do with a young man who has never really got the girl, the hot girl to be more exact. Regardless of how many rodeos Nick has barebacked the bull, this is the first one that he actually gets to choose what bull he rides and I think he knows Corinne isn’t going to be the one, but somewhere deep down, he’s wanting to see what could become. Sex is a very important component to any successful relationship, but it’s not the only component and I think that is where the trouble with Corinne lies. She skipped right over the ‘let me feel you up’ stage or the ‘let me dry hump you’ stage, because where most people in the infancy of their relationships are happy to be attempting the slide into second, Corinne went straight to stealing home (baseball fever is in the air tonight). I think it has more to do with youth than anything. At only 24, she can’t have the experience one would need to be the other half of a grown up relationship. But hang tight BXTCHES, I don’t foresee her being around much longer.

To any current or future bachelor/ette that decides to try their hand at reality love. It’s not that I’m that much of a skeptic when it comes to this process. . .while I haven’t bought into the premise 100%, I can see the potential. But let me impart this wisdom on you. Love will never work, whether you find it on T.V. or at church, if you are always carrying around past relationship pain. Being told goodbye or even having to tell someone you love goodbye, isn’t an easy conversation, but the only thing you should carry with you is the lesson, not the heartache. There is always something to learn when you get broken in two, but if you always tug along that pain and place it at the feet of any future relationships, you will always be alone, because that baggage will weigh you down and always allow you an out. It’s easy to fall in love, but to stay in love and to continue to be passionate even when it seems like it’s the hardest thing to grasp, takes work. Love is not perfection, love is messy, love is loud, but the payoff is grand. . .because to know that the one laying next to you night after night and year after year, is the one that will always be connected to your heart, makes all of the pain, and the process, and the heartache, minor in comparison. That is why it’s always worth it. That is why you should never settle for less than what it is that you deserve. That is why the road paved with the assholes or the bitches or the cheaters or the liars. . .was always necessary.

So, to Kristina and Danielle, while watching this episode may bring some tears, you should move forward knowing it wasn’t supposed to happen. Wishing that Nick would walk back through the door and declare that he has made a mistake is the last thing you should want, because even Nick thinking of cutting you loose, makes him not worthy of your love, of your time, of your heart, or of your family. Just take this as the step it is intended to be.

For all you #nickhaters out there, I’m wondering if you are starting to turn a bit. After tonight, it seems that he may just be serious about this. The man could’ve easily discovered just how deep Corinne went, but said no and he did shed a lot of sad tears tonight when having to end what he thought were solid relationships. So, either that fucker deserves an Emmy or he is really looking to find his one and only. #teamnick

Once again, we were forced to deal with what is now becoming a #horriblewhitegirlweave. So for all you future bachelorettes out there, y’all are gonna have to figure out how to get a hold of and handle the hair. I understand the need for luxurious locks, but for the love Daisy Fuentes, at least get her headband weave, that way fingers won’t get stuck when intimate moments are happening, you can whip it out of your hair quickly and brush that shit out before your date, it just seems to be a better all around fit for the type of show that The Bachelor happens to be.

Remember, The Bachelor airs on ABC Mondays at 8pm EASTERN | 7pm CENTRAL.

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Episode Eight | 07.18.2016

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.comIt's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com
BXTCHES Gotta Warn: Well this is it, the episode we’ve been anxiously anticipating. . .Hometowns. This episode had this BXTCH in a tizzy. I can’t even believe that I used that word, but that is what it was. . .a BXTCH tizzy. The previews leading up to tonight indicated that Robby was going to have to answer some serious questions about his ex and Jordan was going to be confronted with the strife between his family and Aaron. So, why wait, let’s get this going.

Last week on. . .Last week was emotional, we lost Alex and James. Even though I understood the choice to send James home, my heart certainly broke for him. I was never a big fan of Alex, so him saying goodbye did not crack the tear ducts of this BXTCH.

ABC offers us no foreplay this week, they just dive in, balls deep. Up first tonight is Chase.

Chase lives in Highlands Ranch, Colorado and that is where Jojo is meeting up with him. Before bringing Jojo to meet the parents, Chase decides to have some hot chocolate (well, at least I think that’s what it was) on a very picturesque cliff, so he’s kicking it off right by giving Jojo a tiny glimpse to what life as Jojo McNary would be like. He uses this time to talk to Jojo about his parents divorce and how that has affected him in his adult life. He opens up about how bad the divorce was (very) and why it is he has put up a wall. The conversation must have went well, because it ends with a bit of kissing. Before meeting Chase’s parents, he takes her back to his house, which is where he is going to have his dad meet Jojo. On a side note: Chase is doing quite well for himself and from the looks of his house, he is certainly anticipating a future with a family. I actually liked the meeting with Chase’s dad, it seemed very genuine. Chase does ask his dad (in front of Jojo) why his marriage with his mom didn’t work. That seemed an awfully strange question to ask, considering that Chase is 27 years old and maybe it should be a question asked in private and way before this very public stage. If he’s a little apprehensive towards emotional intimacy, then the Dr. Phil in me says you should’ve taken care of those issues prior to revealing them to the world, but I’m not Dr. Phil, just a BXTCH with an opinion. In fairness to Chase and his family, his dad seems to answer the question with complete honesty and he took the blame for the failed marriage. Chase and his dad have a little one-on-one where his dad asks him “what if it’s not you”, Chase refuses to look at any “what if’s” at this point. On a side note: There is a guitar in the corner of the basement. . .Does he have the hotness and musical gene? Throw the BXTCHES a bone. . .pretty  please. His dad also makes sure that Chase realizes how any decision that he makes can and will affect other people. This hometown seems to be striking something in Chase, during the entire “meeting with dad”, it seems as if Chase has a whole lot of unshed tears, so maybe just maybe, there’s a whole lot of past affecting his future. All in all, a pretty good meeting with parent #1. Now it’s time to bring in the one who really counts. I mean, no offense to the daddy-o’s out there, but let’s face it. . .if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. Chase and Jojo arrive to meet mom (Sandy) sister (Brittany) bil (Bryan) stepdad (Brad) and nephew (Everett), so it’s definitely a house full. Mom pulls Jojo away first and the conversation really just leans towards Chase and him expressing his feelings through actions rather than words. . .his mom talks a bit about how hard the divorce was. . .it didn’t get too terribly deep. On a side note: If Jojo does pick Chase in the end and a wedding follows, rest assured between Chase’s mom and Jojo’s mom, craziness will ensue, I just hope someone gets the Cha Cha Slide on video. Chase and his sister have a little alone time, another conversation that kicks off with his parents divorce, I’m starting to see some therapy in his future. Anyway, the talk turns towards saying “I love you” to someone, which his sister seems to share the same hiccup when it comes to saying the big word. When Chase sits down with his mom, things become a bit emotional. Chase’s mom seems to really like Jojo and seems to be really supportive of Chase,  in wherever his heart may lead him. The unshed tears finally fall, so I’m sure every girl watching had their own moment of #marrymechase. In the end and as awkward as it was, Chase gives Jojo the old “I’m falling in love with you” line and maybe that’s what Jojo needed to hear before she takes it all off for Chase #fantasysuites. On a side note: If Chase isn’t picked in the end, he made a very good campaign run for becoming the next Bachelor.

Up next. . .Jordan and Chico, California. From the word go, you can feel the chemistry between these two. You can’t fake that kind of excitement. On a side note: #skinnyjeansaintformen, please take that into consideration in the future, Jordan. Their first trip is back to Jordan’s high school and a trip down Rodger’s memory lane. They get a little making out time in the library, where Jordan pushes Jojo into some books before meeting her lip to lip. #upagainstthewall, must be Jordan’s battle cry, because it seems as if that is where he finds himself with Jojo an awful lot #fantasysuites. Once in the coach’s office, they walk into a literal version of #tbt. There are pictures everywhere and enough of Jordan that makes a BXTCH wonder if some redecorating was done right before this visit. Jojo does notice a picture of Aaron on the wall and points it out and Jordan just brushes it off (but more on that later). They then pop a squat on the bleachers and Jojo again asks about Aaron, Jordan basically tells her that there really isn’t anything to talk or worry about and that his family is excited to meet her. They arrive at the Rodgers homestead where Jojo gets to meet Jordan’s mom (Darla), dad (Ed), brother (Luke), and Luke’s gf (Lindsay).  On a side note: Lindsay girl, that hair looks like it belongs in Texas, on a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader #wedoeverythingbiggerinTexas. This family dinner was a bit awkward, which I suppose is expected, but I was hoping that the allure that exists between Jordan and Jojo would carry over to the family. We did learn that Jordan was the “spicy child”, which I guess is better than calling your kids assholes. Luke takes Jojo away first and immediately the talk turns to Aaron (see below) then it turns into Luke “selling” Jordan’s attributes to Jojo, which I’m quite sure weren’t necessary, like at all. When it comes time for Jordan and Luke to have a little brother bonding, Luke just wants to make sure that Jojo is the one that makes Jordan happy, it was all very sweet, so I guess Aaron is missing out. Jojo’s talk with the pop was very typical, but went well. Just the traditional. . .I care for him. . .he’s a great guy. . .I know he’s worked for what he’s earned and he didn’t get it because of his brother (we can’t get one family member to not bring up Aaron, fuck, how many times have I typed his name?). . .Jordan gets a moment to discuss things with his mother, which was really her talking about how excited she was for him. The night ends well, but Jordan does admit in his confessional “It would have been nice to share Jojo with not only my parents and my brother Luke, but you know, Aaron as well.” I guess we couldn’t end things without one more mention of the brother who I refuse to now name. She does admit (to the camera, not Jordan) that she wants to tell Jordan that she loves him too, but the old wounds from Ben are still seeping in when that desire possesses her. . .good God girl, Let.It.Go, I mean, I don’t think she should be shouting love from the rooftops, you shouldn’t be saying the big word because you’re dating four men, albeit four very hot men, but that’s three too many at this point. Let’s leave Ben out of this one. While the night was certainly ending on a positive note, Jojo decides to bring up the same insecurities that she has voiced with Jordan almost from the beginning. She has this worry that Jordan isn’t serious about this, which leads me to believe that she is feeding into the tabloid lore that has been surrounding Jordan and his supposed reason for being on the show, which if rumor is to be believed, is to become #thenextbachelor. I guess we hove no choice but to wait it out, because from what ABC has shown in the finale preview, Jojo is upset with someone and this BXTCH has to wonder if that someone is Jordan??

BXTCH side commentary: Okay, I guess we’ve got to talk about the cheesehead in the room or I guess the lack of cheese in the room. Jojo is super caught up with Aaron and the distance he keeps from the family. I don’t know if ABC is telling her to bring it up or if she is just naturally curious. But, this BXTCH must confess something. . .“Who gives a fuck?”. I don’t think Jax Teller could force more information from this family about their “missing child”. The only thing that is consistently said is that they don’t really talk about it much and the only person hung up on it is Jojo (they didn’t say the last part, that was all BXTCH). Even if Aaron was a happy member of the Rodgers clan, I’m not sure he would be in California to meet Jojo, isn’t football season right around the corner and aren’t you a Cowboy fan?

Robby is taking us to Florida next and what Robby hopes will be a declaration of love from “his girlfriend”. Right from the beginning of this hometown, Jojo starts her confessional with how excited she is to see Robby and how expressive he is with his feelings and how much she has missed him. Is it just me or did I miss the episode where the steam was pouring off of the T.V. when Robby and Jojo were together? I’m not saying that it’s a dud, but out of the four remaining guys, it seems that Robby is still left in 8th grade Life Science and the rest of the boys are taking Advanced Anatomy. Robby takes Jojo on a carriage ride through St. Augustine that ends in a lunch where conversation quickly turns to the ex, Robby’s ex that is (see side commentary below). When they arrive at the Hayes’ home, we get to meet a lot of people. . .mom, dad (Coach Hayes), two sisters (Grace and Katie) and two brothers (Michael and Patrick) and a bil (Tyler) thrown in the mix. On a side note: Okay ABC, you’re taking this a bit too far. The fucking table was already set, with plates of food, when Robby and Jojo come into the house, while, mind you, the entire family is not even sitting at the table, no, no, no. . .they are sitting in the living room. I’m aware I’m not all fancylike, but it didn’t appear that the Hayes’ were either, how about, just once, we proceed as normal. And while lots of wine was consumed, it didn’t appear that any forks met the mouth. Robby first meets with his brothers and they all agree that Robby is certainly in love. This whole “pick me, pick me” game has stressed Robby the fuck out, he has gotten zero hours of sleep with multiple panic attacks. I’m not a M.D., but I would tell you to chill the hell out, get some sleep, and what happens, happens, you’re to pretty to hyperventilate. When Jojo sits down with the mama bear, she confesses there are feelings for Robby, and the thing I actually appreciated about Robby’s mom is, she asks Jojo if there are any questions she has for her. Jojo brings up the ex and her concerns for what Robby is actually feeling and where his head may be at if she does pick him. Mama must give her the reassurance that she is looking for, because she goes as far as telling his mom that she is falling in love with him, which she hasn’t shared those sentiments about any of the other guys, up to this point, so very interesting. When Robby sits down with his mother, she tells him that rumor has it, he broke up with the ex to go on the show, this seems to really upset him, to the point of pulling Jojo away from his sisters to confront this issue. He tells Jojo again that things ended when they got into a massive fight in December, even though, according to him, the relationship was dead in the water nine months prior. But he adds to the story, when he divulges that Hope (the ex) slapped him during this fight, which is when it ended and he hasn’t talked to her since. So, it seems that maybe things aren’t really resolved when it comes to Hope. Jojo starts to really question him and wants to make sure there is nothing he is hiding, He convinces her that there are no feelings and no surprises, where his ex is concerned. But trust is restored and kisses all around. While I’m not all about #teamrobby, I will defend him for a bit. When Jojo went to find love with Ben, she too was fresh out of a relationship, with the same ex that got brought up this season, and the guys had the same sort of concerns with her that she is having with Robby, and if we remember, this really upset her. . .#whatsgoodforthegoose. The date ends with some rain falling down on all of the lies (ahem. . .despair), but he does at least get in what could be a last kiss.

Therefore you need handle this ailment with viagra cheapest price proper care and should start treating it with Generic Protonix from very beginning. buy levitra line They will want to study the effect of vegetarian food on erectile dysfunction, 57 men who were having erectile dysfunction and were non-vegetarian were asked to follow the vegetarian diet for a month. Kamni capsules are the libido enhancer pills for women which work even for menopause age to make something of himself. side effects cialis So, all the men of having erectile dysfunction have got relieve from their disorder upon usage of the generic levitra online https://www.unica-web.com/archive/2013/selection_of_films_of_unica_2013.html ED medication which has proved to be effective and beneficial by helping men lead a healthy and happy sexual life. BXTCH side commentary: Sorry, but I had to take a detour. Jojo confesses to the camera that from early on in this game, Robby was the one she was most emotionally connected to and since Robby was the first guy to tell her he loved her, it just made their relationship much stronger. Step the fuck back. . .WHAT?? First, surely there has to be a “sweet spot” somewhere that cameras are not allowed, granted, I don’t know what it is that Jojo is really feeling, but if it’s sparks and flames and fireworks, that has not been translated well through the camera lens. Also, let’s play a game of rewind for a split second. When Olivia told Ben that she loved him, and then told Jojo that she whispered those 3 little words, Jojo says that there is no way she could even say that to someone without being sure that the feeling was reciprocated. At the end of the visit with Robby’s fam, she decides she trusts him because “Robby has been the most honest with his feelings”. I’m sure somewhere, Hope is sitting with a big ass bucket of popcorn screaming at the T.V. #beentheredonethatgotthetshirt. Somebody has got some blinders on here and it sure as shit ain’t Hope. We gotta talk about this ex. I’m gonna be jumbled during this, but hang with a BXTCH, it’ll work out in the end. On a previous episode, Robby talked about his childhood best friend and how his death sparked something in him, which led to his break-up with the ex, kinda a “cleaning out of the closet” if you will. Now, according to Robby, he and his ex girlfriend broke up at the end of December 2015, and Wikipedia says (I know, not a great source but. . .) casting for this season (#12) of The Bachelorette took place during season #11 of The Bachelorette, which aired from May 18-July 27 (2015). . .but, even if casting took place after Jojo was announced as the next Bachelorette (which happened on March 14), then we are looking at 3 or 4 months tops from the time of break-up to the time of filming. Someone needs to sort this out STAT, this just reeks of a hidden agenda. I would also like to point out the following. . .on last weeks episode, Robby tells Jojo that one of the issues with the relationship was. . .four years together, but he had never even seen her house, but when the subject of the ex and the rumors the ex’s roommate was tossing around, Robby automatically said “Alex?”, which is the roommates name. You have never been to her home, but you know her roommate? #thingsthatmakeyousquint #jojogetoutgirl

Luke may be last, but c’mon girl, we know he is not the least. This was my favorite hometown out of the four and that includes Chase’s date. I thought that Luke had already declared his undying love for Jojo, but the way the episode unfolds, it doesn’t appear as though that is the case. Luke is meeting Jojo in Burnet, Texas. Luke lives in a part of Texas that those who don’t reside here must think all of Texas is like (I hope that makes sense). Luke shows up with Jojo like any good Texan, at a family BBQ. And by family, I mean family and friends. It seemed as though Jojo really took to Luke’s family like only a true Texan can. While Luke did speak with his mom, looking for her insight, it seemed that he really was looking to his dad for advise. I think he was looking for words of wisdom, not only from a dad’s perspective, but from a husband’s point of view as well. The whole moment was very sweet and I almost felt like I was prying on a very sentimental moment. Of course, there was a picnic portion and this BXTCH was just happy that there was no wine around. #sweetteaistexaswine Luke went balls out with this hometown. He had horses and a hay bale couch set up, where he and Jojo had their own little one-on-one. While Jojo may admit that she isn’t sure whether or not Luke is in love with her, I have to say that his action definitely say he is all about her. He declares that the future he wants, includes Jojo. He ends the date with a walk down a candle lit aisle ending with a rose petal heart. Cheesy? Definitely. But, was every girl’s heart in America melting in unison? Fuck yeah. It was all very theatric, almost akin to a Nicholas Sparks movie. 

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly Recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.comChrist on a cracker, this girl is going to damage my liver. The rose ceremony starts very ominous. The guys arrive one by one to an aircraft hanger, they will be whisked off to their next destination once the final rose is handed out. Right before Jojo starts the process that will crush someone’s dreams, Luke asks to speak with her privately. He then tells her that he should’ve told her earlier, but he wanted her to know that he does love her. I should back you up a bit, while the guys were arriving and ABC was airing Jojo confessionals, she says that she is going to have to let Luke go. To say that this BXTCH screeched worse than a 13 year old meeting the Biebs, would be an understatement, holy shit, I almost went into cardiac arrest. But then Luke sweeps her away and tells her he loves her, which leaves Jojo in tears. Unable to even go back to the process that will lead her to her future, her decision is up in the air and we are left hanging with a serious case of blue balls, thanks ABC. One last side note: Next week we get the continuation on Monday and Men Tell All on Tuesday. 

So, I’m now gonna say that it will be Jordan and Robby in the final two. However, I don’t really think either of them will be the next Bachelor. I think that will go to Chase, but I ain’t gonna hate on Luke getting picked.

The Bachelor/ette | Quotes of the show | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com“My heart is beating.” -Jojo

“You have been the most amazing son and you deserve the most amazing girl.” -Sandy (Chase’s mom)

“Like, I know who Jordan is, and I know who he is to me. He is nobody’s brother. He is a man I am falling in love with and I am crazy about.” -Jojo

“Jojo, he can’t even boil water.” -Luke’s Grandpa

Bachelor(ette) Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

I’m gonna make this one, very long final thought. I need to holler at you Jojo. My trust in you is dwindling by the episode. I’m not usually a conspiracy theory type of BXTCH, but I’m forming one as I type this. Okay, truth? I think the claims made by your ex were pretty spot on. I do think as soon as Ben broke your heart, you went right back to Chad. Look, I ain’t mad at ya. I understand. Unfortunately, I also believe him when he says you are in it for the fame. Now, hear me out. I’m not saying that you haven’t come around and are now taking this seriously, you may be. But, it fascinates me that you and Robby are in the same boat. You also broke up with somebody right before taking your leap with Ben. Your ex also was causing problems in your new quest for love. I need to get to the heart of my issue. Girl, you need to focus on you for a while. You started your journey for reality love when you were 24, prior to that, you were in a relationship for 2 years with Chad, putting you at 22, you confessed to Robby during hometowns that you were in a 4 year relationship prior to Chad, putting you at 18. And these ages are generous, I’m not allowing for any “rest period” in between loves. And now, you’re wanting to get married? Girl, it is okay to be single. Back to my conspiracy, I think you may be getting rid of Luke because you know he is serious about finding a wife, I believe Chase is as well. Which leaves Jordan and Robby, both of which seem to desire a bit of the fame monster and either of which you could pick, then end things and you won’t come out looking like a villain, which is why I think you ended things with James. Because let’s face it, you break Luke’s heart, there will be some pissed off BXTCHES blowing up your feeds. So, letting Luke go may be the right thing to do, just be careful for what you wish for. Fame may not be all it seems.

Sign off Tag

*Remember, The Bachelorette airs on ABC Monday at 7pm CENTRAL and 8pm EASTERN. Men Tell All will be on ABC Tuesday at 7pm CENTRAL and 8pm EASTERN.

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