Episode Nine | 07.25.16

www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.comIt's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

BXTCHES Gotta Warn: First things first, this is not a good night (Monday) for television, well not necessarily bad, just busy. Of course, we have The Bachelorette. . .then we have the DNC. . .and last, a Texas Ranger game is also on tonight, so super busy. But, since Jojo is stressing me the fuck out, I am recording the DNC, watching The Bachelorette, and will have to catch the Rangers in highlights or on the re-air. Not that you needed to know all of that, but I felt like sharing, so there you have it.

Last week on. . .ABC left us high, dry, and wanting more at the end of last weeks episode. Jojo confessed that it was going to be Luke going home, then Luke stepped in and confessed his love to Jojo, which made the whole process even that much more daunting. So, let’s get right into to the rose ceremony that was robbed from us last week.

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly Recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

The drama picked right back up and when Jojo was done, it was Luke’s heart that was breaking. Luke was in complete shock, after every date and all of the time he has spent with Jojo, there is not a snowballs chance in Texas that he saw this coming. Jojo was obviously upset, but it appeared to this BXTCH that she was having to push some tears along that flawless made up face. In the end she did seem as if she was having second thoughts and the tears did flow a bit easier, but I think it’s mainly because Luke was so confused as to why he was the one packing his bags. And to be honest, this BXTCH was too. More on that in my final thoughts, but I’m coming for you Jojo.

This week is the much anticipated overnight dates #fantasysuites and up first is Robby.

Well it seems that all heartache over cutting Luke loose is gone and once Jojo and Robby get the “I missed you so much” out of the way, their date takes them to what appears to be some sort of street market with food selections that I’m sure were adventuresome, but looked questionable at best #americansaresuchsnobs. While Jojo and Robby are perusing the streets of Thailand, some of Robby’s confessional is coming through on a voice over and of course, the pretty boy continues with the “I’m falling for her more and more, every time I see her” AND “she hasn’t told me that she loves me, but I just know that she does” (I’m paraphrasing for you BXTCHES). The rain does come pouring down #itsanomengirl, which forces them to get pedicures together and also gives Robby a chance to talk about the hometown date and everything that went down with the ex-girlfriend truth rumors. He also uses this time to tell Jojo how honest he has been with her and his proof. . .Uruguay. . .which is where he first told her he loved her #thatsnotwhathonestymeans, but our girl has a super strong pair of rose colored glasses on, because she falls for Robby hard and he makes sure he is there to catch her. The nighttime takes them to a very romantic dinner, that they of course do not eat, with a really weird conversation (well, for this BXTCH anyway). Once again, Jojo brings up Ben and how it was during this time on that season that she poured out her love for him and he returned it, but she wound up on the outside looking in and while Jojo is happy that Robby was the first one to tell her he loved her (that must mean it’s true, right) and how that #honesty allowed her to open up to him more, she admits that she does have concerns. #thisBXTCHcannotkeepupwiththatBXTCH When they sit down to dinner, conversation moves more towards his family and what they think about Jojo and him being in love. Okay, this BXTCH is going to need a moment. . .a moment to pull in my “what the actual fuck” meter and try to come at this with a more diplomatic viewpoint. Robby claims that his family knew he was in love by just looking at him, #thatsaclosefuckingfamily but the closer is this. . .apparently Robby’s father, at some point during Robby’s stay, wrote him a note and snuck it into Robby’s back pocket and how fantastic is it, that he has brought it all the way to Thailand with him so he can share those truly wonderful words with his Jojo. #thatscalledsarcasmBXTCHES Look, while I promised during Ben’s season to not be so cynical during this process, Robby has forced me to loose all good sense. (Diplomatic Merrie, Diplomatic) Since the show referred to Robby’s dad as “Coach Hayes”, my detective skills tell me that he must coach some sort of sport. . .now does anyone know a coach that is going to opt to write a note to his son or his athlete, over giving him a pep talk? Hell no, especially when it’s dealing with something like love. A coach is going to tell you to “pull up your big girl panties and go get your girl, boy”. While we may have all been sitting at home, yelling at the T.V., tweeting about how there is no way that Jojo is going to believe this nonsense, Jojo put on her “Robby is the one, even though he is obviously on this show to find anything BUT love, but he’s pretty and he told me he loved me not even four months after ending a four year relationship and he knew his love for me ran deep, in spite of the fact that I was in a relationship with multiple men and my time with #prettyboy had been limited at best but I know his love for me is the real thing, so I believe this note that his father wrote him is the sweetest thing ever, even though he didn’t have the nerve to actually hand it to him and instead tucked it away in the back pocket of his #missmejeans glasses on. Oh, and he gave Jojo the note. . .a little Bachelorette memento if you will, he is so sweet. The time comes for Jojo to offer Robby the key to unlock the fantasy pussy suite and of course, he accepts. One on one with the camera, Robby confesses the following: “Jojo gives me the fantasy suite card and now I don’t have to dream about Jojo anymore. I get to dream with Jojo, I get to lay next to her, you know, tell her goodnight, kiss her goodnight, and get to know the Joelle that I wanna spend the rest of my life with.” BXTCH translation: “I no longer have to rub one out while fantasizing about what Jojo looks like naked. I’m actually going to see those lush puppies up close and personal and since I know her well enough already to express my undying, forever love to her, I now get to sink balls deep into her #fantasypussy and Joelle will really know what my #prettyboylove is all about.” One more thing pretty boy. . .maybe if you would’ve shown Hope (the ex) a fraction of the love you are putting on display for Jojo, she probably wouldn’t have BXTCH slapped your pretty ass, but that’s assuming that your story about the elusive ex lady is true and you really did come to The Bachelorette for your shot at true, everlasting love and not to just try to make a run at becoming the #nextbachelor, but I digress. . .of course it was all about getting down on one knee. #sillyBXTCHhugeegosarefordicks Not that I want to cut Robby’s time short, but for the sake of my sanity and ability to dole out the sarcasm, a BXTCH has to do-what a BXTCH has to do. He stays overnight with Jojo and I’m sure it is no shock to ANYONE, that Robby got a piece of Jojo that she is likely to share with two other guys. 

Jordan is up next and his moment starts on the beach. First, it’s time to become one with nature and sweat like a pig, because Jojo and Jordan are going on a hike. I’m not sure who planned this particular date, but I’m thinking someone should be fired. For crying out loud, surely whoever the genius was, realized that the end of this date would find two people in bed, getting really acquainted for the very first time ever and what better way to do that than covered in sweat and with muscles aching, right? I know, I know, they will take a shower, but still. Even though I said all of that, Jordan and Jojo do have a certain comfortability with one another, one that I think was needed to have this sort of date. They do converse about hometowns and what Jordan can expect with meeting Jojo’s family. Jordan confesses to Jojo that he has always thought when he looked into the eyes of the father (of the girl he loves), he would just know that her dad can be assured that he is going to protect her and love her for the rest of his life. Jojo admits that from the minute she and Jordan met, there was an instant connection. . .instant chemistry, that it’s so easy to imagine a future with him in it, and as a viewer of the show, I can attest that the spark between Jojo and Jordan was lit from the word go and hasn’t really snuffed out AT ALL. BUT, Jojo is still questioning whether or not Jordan is really able to offer that commitment. As I wrinkle my forehead and give the good ole “what the fuck” squint, I must tell you that Jojo is really confusing a BXTCH. She wonders if Jordan is “too good to be true?” I think she’s getting Jordan confused with Robby. Let’s recap. . .Jojo is still claiming to wonder whether or not Jordan is in it for real, for the long haul, but she’s completely certain about Robby, holy shitballs, I need a drink. . .of the liver damage kind. Back to the date. So dinner brings even more doubt for Jojo. In her confessional she claims that the date (so far) has been the best one in terms of getting to really know Jordan, now there has yet to really be a moment between Jojo and Jordan that didn’t end with steam coming from the T.V., so if she feels that this date was the best. . .then the #fantasysuite is sure to get a workout. But, she says that, and for something to be so magnetic and on the plus side for Jojo, just for her to turn it around and question everything that has developed between her and Jordan up to that point, makes it very difficult to keep up with her. The conversation really turns to things that I have actually been dying to hear all season. First let me say this, Jordan is saying everything a viewer like me would want to hear. He’s already told her about being able to assure her dad that he will step into the husband role with every expectation a father would want, if not more. He then tells Jojo how important it is to go to her father and discuss his desire to marry his daughter, all so very sweet, even if people believe that it was fake (I’m not sure if I’m on that fan page yet), but it was the right thing to say at the right time. Now for the question I’ve been waiting for Jojo to ask Jordan “what does the next year look like for you?”. I think that this question is important for many reasons, but the main one being. . .the long term plan, right?  I mean, is she relocating or is he relocating? Who will be more flexible with their job? More importantly, she didn’t ask the same question of Robby, which is very telling, but anyway, let’s talk about the answer. Jordan answers honestly and says “Umm. . .that’s a tough question to answer”, he goes onto to say that it depends and he can’t say 100% what things are going to look like. This answer just fuels Jojo’s already raging inferno of a theory, so one has to wonder if she is looking for excuses to let Jordan go, who knows, I’m gonna put my detective skills to work a bit later. But, let’s not freak out yet, because he does follow it up with him not having and not really needing a home base, so he can be wherever Jojo is, which again, seems like the right answer, but when Jordan says that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her, she comes back with a “that’s what Ben said”, even though, I’m not sure Ben said those actual words. But, it’s bad form for anybody to throw an ex into the face of a current boyfriend, #reasonswhysheissingle. She asks him how he knows that she is his forever and he lays it on with. . .he is a better person with her. . .if feels different now compared to when he thought he was in love before. . .when he imagines dropping to one knee and saying those four final words, it’s her. . .so, applause to Jordan, while this BXTCH thinks that every answer he played tonight in “Who Wants to be Jojo’s Fiancee” was spot on, we have yet to see if it swayed the opinion of the only one that matters. There must’ve been something else she wants to see however, because she gives him the very coveted invite to the #fantasysuite. When the morning light comes shining in, Jojo asks Jordan “what are you thinking after last night?” and Jordan’s reply was. . .“it was exactly everything I needed”, now surely you don’t need any kind of “BXTCH translation” for that one. On a side note: I don’t think there are many women (or men for that matter) who would put up a fight waking up next to the bare chested Jordan Rodgers. . .good lord, how disappointing would it be if there night alone WASN’T “exactly everything Jojo needed”?

BXTCH side commentary: One of her many concerns is Jordan’s lifestyle and how he has a job that takes him all around. I have no idea what this job is, since the occupation listed is “Former Pro Football Player” and last I checked, the only place that takes you is your couch and #faileddreams. Here is why I’m pissed. We are down to the final three guys, ready to make it official and pick out the diamond and this BXTCH is just now having this particular conversation. Call me a crazy BXTCH, but shouldn’t this be something that you’ve discussed on the multiple one-on-one dates that you’ve been on or maybe even a conversation that happened before you decided to declare her your one and only. It’s also very unfair for Jojo to bring this up now. If you are so desperate for a husband, and let’s face it, that is what it is, then guess what marriage is about. . .compromise. You have to be willing to make sacrifices that aren’t comfortable but are worth it. . .because the one you wake up with is the one you were meant to be with and if you can’t see that, then. . .Let.Him.Go #marriageadvicefromdrBXTCH
This in turn prevents viagra viagra the risk of reproductive disorders. The entire above are recognized as the cialis discount canada browse around content. Moreover, it also helps in increasing libido and strengthening reproductive system of person. cialis in the uk These fluids are typically extremely acidic in patients with larger viagra generic discount prostates.
Well, Chase is last and his arrival comes via a motor scooter, who is coming up with this shit? Jojo admits that she is excited for her date with Chase and even goes on to say that at the end of the hometowns, Chase admitted to falling in love with her and if things continue to progress, then she can see herself falling in love with Chase, you know the common theme this season. Like the other two guys, Chase and Jojo greet one another like long lost lovers. . .very passionate. . .very believable. Things take off on the water, lots of kissing, actually lots of kissing in this entire episode, everything with Chase and Jojo seems to be going really well. They take the date to the beach, where they enjoy a great conversation. While Jojo may not have interrogated Chase like she did Jordan, they did talk about the hometown visit, the last rose ceremony and got in a bit of yib-yabbing #yogaissexy. During her one-on-one with the camera, she does nothing but compliment Chase and make declarations that would leave a BXTCH to believe that Robby and Jordan should go ahead and pack it up, well a BXTCH would be wrong. Now, I’m sure you know exactly where I’m going with this, but since I had to live through it, I’m gonna walk you through it. I am pretty far away from being on #teamrobby, but he cracked that divide wide open when he shows up to Jojo’s hotel room, right in the middle of Chase’s date. Coach Hayes is not giving his boy the right kind of advice. He claims that he just missed her and that BXTCH did nothing to kick him out. A note from one BXTCH to another. . .desperation is not sexy and it usually reeks of something more, something not so genuine. There is no way that Robby is not overly compensating for something, and for once, I’m not making any innuendos. But, I am wondering if Robby’s visit didn’t play a part in the nighttime portion of Jojo’s date with Chase. The dinner starts off really well. . .Chase gives a very sweet toast, conversation turns to their date, they are sweating profusely, they talk about fear and what it is that has Chase scared, to which he confesses that by being with her and touching her and kissing her and loving her, the fear is not really there anymore. It couldn’t have been said better if ABC scripted it themselves. She offers him the #fantasysuite, he accepts and hopefully things are going to come take off. Well, things take off alright, just not in the direction that I’m sure Chase envisioned. So, it’s time to rip the band-aid off. Chase tells Jojo that he is 100% in love with her, then goes on to say that he has never been the first one to take that particular walk on the plank. After every confession Chase has given her, all of his fears, all of his insecurities, all of his secrets, Jojo actually tells him that him telling her he loved her doesn’t have her feeling the way that she thought it would. STOP THE FUCKING BUS!! You have got to be kidding me ABC. Let’s just hash it out right here, I’ve been going back and forth with a brother on Facebook tonight, so this BXTCH is ret to go! Chase did tell Jojo that he loved her during the hometowns, what the fuck did she feel then? Not to mention, that during the whole date, all she did was rave on and on about how great the date was and how fantastic Chase is. What was she feeling then? Let’s not pretend that we don’t all know what goes down in the #fantasysuite, we know damn good and well, that clothes are coming off and dicks are going on an adventure. What was she feeling when she offered that up? Yes, she offered him the key, then said “I don’t think so”. I would like to commend Chase, because he is pissed. Most of the guys that Jojo has broken it off with, take it like a chump, but not Chase. Our boy calls her out on her knowing how reluctant he is to say “I love you” and she allows him to basically fall on the sword that has caused him to build up the wall around his intimacy and that has put the spotlight on the personal pain that he carries. #thataintnoBXTCHthatsabitch. The sad thing about the whole ordeal is Jojo tried to make it about her. He said what he needed to say, then got up and walked away, and since she didn’t get the consolation from Chase that she has gotten from every other guy, she goes after him, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. . .someone get ahold of her quick. She is so hung up on the words, that she is overlooking the actions. Case in point. . .#prettyboy. It’s time to get Chase elected to be #thenextbachelor.

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly Recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

The rose ceremony kicks off with just Jordan and Robby, both of which wondering where the other musketeer is. Jojo breaks it to them that she broke it off with Chase, just as Chase is coming down the stairs. Keep it in your pants, it’s not a sweep her off her feet declaration, he’s just there to apologize for the way he reacted #hannahmontanasaywhat. While I’m not anti-apology, I don’t think in this case that Chase owed her one. Now, rumor (not sure whose) has it that the producers told Chase to go back and apologize because it would look better to the female demographic and help his campaign run to become #thenextbachelor. Well, those producers must be male, because coming from a female, Chase handled it in the best way. Jojo needed to hear the brutally honest things that Chase said to her. I’m not saying that his apology lessens my vote, I’m just saying that it wasn’t necessary.

We’re down to Jordan and Robby and if the previews are anything to go by, it’s gonna be an intense finale.

The Bachelor/ette | Quotes of the show | www.bxtchesbeblogging.comTonight, the whole show is the fucking quote.

Bachelor(ette) Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

During my watch party, which only consists of my sister, her kiddos and my offspring (we throw a helluva party), we take the role of detective very seriously, so let me run a theory by you (thanks again, little sis). After seeing Jojo interact with Jordan’s family, she seemed pretty hung-up on why the Rodgers clan is estranged from Aaron, which I thought was a bit obsessive, but then my sister may have cracked the code. Of course these are all rumors and I have no affiliation with Jojo, Jordan, or any member or acquaintance of the Rodgers fam. It is well known that Aaron and Olivia Munn are dating, it is rumored that Jordan’s ex-girlfriend, the one he allegedly cheated on, is friends with Olivia (there is an instagram photo of them together). So maybe, just maybe, Jordan did cheat and it really pissed off Olivia and a pissed off girlfriend makes a pissed off boyfriend and Aaron took the side of his girl at the dismay of his family. Let’s not forget that it has been “reported” (in the tabloids) that the sole reason Jordan even went on The Bachelorette was to become #thenextbachelor. Now, I’m not saying that it’s true or false and maybe he did go on the show with that goal, but fell in love in the process. Who really knows, I jut think it’s a theory worth exploring.

Okay Jojo, girl you are wearing on a BXTCH! I need to take lamaze classes just to breathe my way through my frustrations. First, I was pretty shocked that you had Luke pack his bags. I understand that things are edited to get more ratings, but you can’t edit that kind of captivation, the kind of allurement that you and Luke had when together. I guarantee you that those sitting at home, knew Luke had love for you without him having to utter the “I love you” that you were so determined to hear. It’s about actions, not words. You put Chase in a very difficult, not to mention uncomfortable position, because you needed to hear the affirmation, even though it was put on display week after week. He didn’t really know how to express those three, all important words, but he understood how to show them. Actions always speak louder than words. When you claim that you trust in Robby more because he was so quick on the trigger in his eagerness to be the first one to say those three magical words, did you even worry that he just got out of a four year relationship? But even if we put that aside because at that time, you really didn’t know, he shared his feelings with you in Uruguay and if my memory is correct, that was your first one-on-one date with Robby, ONE DATE and he loves you? Girl, it’s not about the words, it’s about the action. When his ex-girlfriend does finally come up, he gives you two different stories, you meet his family and once again, your talking about his past relationship, but he assures you that you are the one, you are the woman he is meant to be with. Filming started around mid March, it is currently the end of July, so being generous, I can say that you have known Robby for four months, most of which, you are/were dating multiple men, but he knows you well enough to declare you to be like no other girl he has ever met? Jojo, it’s okay to be skeptical, it’s okay to be inquisitive, but you are allowing his words to cloud his actions. Part of me does believe that the reason you chose Jordan and Robby for the final two is because you are in it for the exposure as much as those two are. Side note: I do think you and Jordan have some serious compatibility. If you happened to fall in love in the process, then I applaud you and I don’t think anyone should ever settle for anything less that what is deserved, so get yours. If you want the fairytale, go for it. But, I’m afraid you’re more interested in the fairytale and not the work that goes into a marriage, a marriage that must be built on compromise and love and patience and passion and frustration and trust and friendship. It doesn’t take much to say “I do”, it takes everything to prove that “I do” means forever. Because in the end, “I do”. . .they’re just words.

Sign off Tag

Remember, The Bachelorette airs on ABC Mondays at 7pm CENTRAL and 8pm EASTERN. August 1 is the season finale, immediately followed by After the Final Rose.

 

BXTCHES Be Sharing:
Facebooktwitterpinterest

The Bachelorette | Episode Three Re-Cap | 06.06.16

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.comIt's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

BXTCHES Gotta Warn: And yes, this is most certainly a warning. This particular episode had this BXTCH yelling at the television, it was that off putting. Tonight’s episode was just part one, part two continues tomorrow (06.07) night and from the look of things, tonight was just a warm-up. Also, this is another long ass re-cap (I mean super long), I can’t really control or help myself, I’m a bit of an oversharer and this is what happens when we get episodes that are 2 hours long.

Last Week On. . . Last week’s episode was really just a precursor to what ABC had in store for the next two nights and that is. . .Chad. He successfully reached #1 tool status just by doing pull-ups with a suitcase full of his “supplements” attached to his waist. He further cemented that position (with the guys anyway) when he refused to drop to his knees and gush over Jojo to Jojo (I was actually okay with that one) during the group date. He also began to let some true colors start to fly and that color would that be, you ask? Red. . .as in anger. . .as in he gets so mad you can see the veins bulge from his body. . .as in “didn’t ABC properly vet these contestants before the show began?”, well I’m sure you get the point, the dude has some very serious issues that probably need to be worked out in a professional office of some sort. Also, we lost James S., Brandon, and Will. With that elimination, we dropped our “wannabe husband” number down to just 17, so the odds are starting to move to someones favor.

Tonight’s episode will consist of one group date and two one-on-one dates.

When the episode kicks off, it proves one thing. . .men are fucking pigs. The house is just littered with dirty dishes and, as Robby so eloquently put it, Chad’s meat plates are all over the counter. Now, I get it, ABC most likely provides the mansion with a cleaning service, but c’mon, you guys can’t open up the dishwasher, throw in a load, and hit start? It really is that simple. And think about it like this, even if Jojo doesn’t pick you (which for 16 of you, that’s what’s gonna happen) when all is said and done, some lady out there is watching this show and imagining her future with you in it, how impressive will it be when she sees that you can actually be a bit domesticated. It’s a win win for all.

ONE-ON-ONE Date: I’m super excited that Chase is the one awarded the one-on-one date this week. He didn’t get a date last week and instead of sitting around and crying in a tub of ice cream (like the other two, who ironically went home) he used his time during the rose ceremony and really knocked Jojo off of her feet. The only clue Chase is given is. . .“Let’s Get Physical”. When the news is delivered, Chad certainly channeled his inner Olivia. He wonders why he wasn’t chosen, but then goes on to say that he knows he is in a better place with Jojo, more so than anyone else in the house and the reason he has yet to receive a one-on-one is because she is just “taking her time” with him (Chad), oh. . .and he has no worries (his words). Now the date with Chase becomes a little more sexual than I was even expecting. They do yoga. I know what you’re thinking. . .pretty innocent, right? No, no and no. Interestingly enough, the instructor straight off asks them how long have they have been intimate with one another. Really? Like that bitch doesn’t know she is about to give The Bachelorette and date a private yoga lesson. There are cameras in there for fuck sake, what did she think was about to happen? The yoga clothes that they have picked for Chase are not going to do much to hide any excitement that may overcome him, unless he is wearing some really good compression shorts. The yoga begins and all is well, except for the “angergasms” that they must demonstrate (just Google it) and then we get a bit naughty, I ain’t mad at ya, ABC!  The instructor “instructs” Jojo to straddle Chase (called a Yib Yab?), wrapping her legs around his waist and then looking into each others eyes while taking deep breaths. Well, this lasted all of about 30 seconds before Chase said “fuck it” and dove right into Jojo’s mouth. It was much sexier than I’m describing. Oh and by this time, they are both down to bare necessities, Chase in just athletic shorts. . .no shirt. . . lots of sweat. . .with a torso tattoo. . .YUM! While Jojo, in only a sports bra and spandex, has got to be eliciting some sort of reaction in Chase Jr., Trust a BXTCH, it was one yoga move away from turning into a scene from Skin-A-Max. Chase ain’t got to worry about the no date last week, he more than made up for it during yoga. The nighttime portion of their date of course takes them to their fake dinner, which appeared to some sort of chicken dish. Funnily enough, Jojo felt the connection with Chase while she was straddling him, I’m not sure if she meant physically or metaphorically (is that the right word or should I say emotionally?). Chase opens up to Jojo regarding his feelings on marriage and how his parents’ divorce really led him to believe that marriage should be a one time type of thing. Of course, she gives Chase the rose and then leads him out to a private concert by Charles Kelley (Lady Antebellum), which was very romantic but a bit weird, all at the same time. I think all in all, Chase is moving up my favorites scale and even Jojo herself said “This is the start of something really amazing, I can feel it.”

Meanwhile, back at the mansion. . .The boys decide to work out, which I’m all for observing, if it wasn’t so weird. First, the shorts that Daniel is wearing can compete with that of a woman’s, not to mention, he does this really weird arm exercise that apparently forces him to stick out his bum as if he is about to sit on a toilet, but doesn’t want to actually touch the toilet with himself, soooo sexy (be still my heart). Chad is channeling his inner Hulk while Daniel looks on and Evan is doing some very strange squats in some sea foam color shorts, that looks like he may have borrowed from Daniel. It really just appeared that he was only doing squats to make it seem as if he exercised daily or maybe he was wanting to just get an eyeful of Chad and Daniel, who really knows.

Group Date: Jordan, Grant, Wells, James F., Christian, Ali, Daniel, Vinnie, Nick, Evan, Alex, & Chad

I’m not sure if Chad is just someone who likes to start shit or if he is someone who is just brutally honest and it comes across as him being a jackass, possible it’s a bit of both, but when the names for the group date are announced Chad simply states: “Honestly, I don’t even want to go. I’d rather you guys go and do your thing and just get a one-on-one later.” It’s certainly time for a bit of. . .

BXTCH Side Commentary: I have so many things going through my head with the “Reading of the Group Date” card. First, the guys were pissed when Chad made the comment about not even wanting to go. It’s almost as if the other 16 guys aren’t competing to be Jojo’s one and done. Who gives a fuck if he doesn’t want to go? If he were to follow through on his tirade, then he turns out to be the one who looks like a assclown to Jojo, so I don’t get why everyone is so upset, he wants what everyone in the house wants. . .a one-on-one date with Jojo. Calm the fuck down. There were some threats of “taking it outside” and “I’m not scared of you”. Just do a quick circle jerk to get rid of this built up tension, while finally finding out whose dick is actually bigger, so we can put everyone at ease, it’s all about having a little more love and a lot less rage. Back to the group date.

. . .In one of the limo’s on the way to meet up with Jojo, Alex makes the suggestion that someone needs to basically rile Chad up in front of Jojo, so she can see the real Chad. Spoiler Alert!! It’s not going to be Alex that does the dirty work. The guys arrive at a small theater, where on stage a woman is channelling her inner “Sally” and having what appears to be an orgasm (fully clothed, standing at a microphone). Man, there are a lot of “gasms” happening in this episode. In Vinnie’s confessional, he describes the lady as “breathing heavily” and he has never heard anything like that. Really Vinnie? Never? You may want to reevaluate how you do things, it was quite obvious what was happening with “Sally”. Anyway, the purpose of the date is for each of the guys to take the stage and in front of an audience, describe their deepest, darkest, sexual secrets. What the actual fuck ABC? Who is coming up with this shit? First, I believe Jojo was somewhat buzzed. She was throwing her hands in the air a lot, rubbed on Jordan a lot (not that he’s complaining), just actions that seemed to have a lot of liquor behind it. Second, all this date did, was really make the guys uncomfortable and not in a “fun, you know you liked it” way, more in a “TMI, please don’t ever tell that story again” way. Even James F., says to the camera “Mom, you’re gonna have to turn off the T.V. and not turn it back on. . .ever. . .again”. For the love of B.O.B’s everywhere, who wants to discuss this in front of an audience? Well, okay, I would, but I’m also not competing for a walk down the aisle. If you think that the premise of the date sounds weird, it was beyond what you could even conceive. Let’s get back to the Chad Production. He’s not even sure if he wants to participate in this experiment. Why? I’m glad you asked. He doesn’t want to share his sexual past and he doesn’t want to know about hers, he’s not really sure how this is beneficial to his future with Jojo and he feels that his sexual past is something that she has to earn and she hasn’t yet. Time for another. . .

BXTCH Side Commentary: Okay, let’s discuss Chad for a moment. Violence aside because I’m gonna get to that later. I have to agree with what Chad is saying, all of it makes total sense. Any part of your sexual history should be private and should be information earned by your potential lover. I think the problem the guys in the house have with him, is the fact that he’s not there to make friends, he’s there to win over Jojo. Haters gonna hate. Jojo continues to discuss (in her confessional) about how important sex is in a relationship, which I couldn’t agree with more, however her constant emphasis on this detail tells me a couple of things. One, it’s no longer a mystery of whether or not her and Ben bumped up against one another in the fantasy suite last season, they most definitely got down to the business. Two, this should give a couple of guys this season high hopes of what they can expect when they are offered the key. As long as the sex stories that are shared on stage aren’t re-visited, you should be okay.

. . .Evan has decided to use the stage as his way of getting back at Chad, who apparently, according to Evan the Weenie, broke some sort of man code, maybe he uses Cialis instead of Viagra, who knows what man code rule was broken. Although I’m quite sure every man code rule is being broken, based on the fact that you are living in a house with 16 other dudes who are all fighting to be with the same woman, but what do I know. When it’s the Weenie’s turn to share, he decides to use his Erectile Disfunction knowledge and tie that in with steroid use and what ‘roids do to ones goodies and he creates a whole soliloquy with it. Obviously he is talking about Chad, which was mighty brave of Evan, considering he must walk past Chad to get back to his seat, while Chad is walking past him to get to the stage, people (Evan) are shoved, shirts (Evan’s) are ripped, it was loads of testosterone riddled fun. Since I had to sit through the uncomfortableness that was this episode, I will share some of that awkwardness with you BXTCHES. Fair is fair. Grant got caught by the police whilst trying to rid himself of his virginity. We learned that Nick was 16 when he went down on a girl and thought that the alphabet trick would work and we got to see the demonstration minus the available vag. Lord, I pray he has other tricks up his sleeves these days. Jordan was talking about being naked, flaccid, and forgetting to fluff. Not too sure if this was a story that involved his years on a practice squad or if this actually was about a female, we didn’t get the whole lowdown. Ali made out with a girl who had a mustache. Vinnie stripped down to his boxers because I suppose that would make him telling the story of how his mother walked in on him, more comfortable. Daniel tied someone up and cut someone’s hair off while Wells participated in a threesome that involved someone farting. Remember last season with Ben and Olivia did that really strange dance where she popped out of a cake? Remember how awkward and room silencing it was? Chad just had his Olivia moment, I swear those two are meant to be. Anyway, he calls Jojo to the stage, says something about how the past is the past, tries to kiss her, but she turns her head and he gets her cheek. You could hear a pin drop, not really a pin as much as the other men using that opportunity to hoot and holler, all at Chad’s expense. This causes Chad to punch a door and come up on Evan, who still can’t or won’t stand up for himself, it all turns into a disaster really quick. They all wanted to rile Chad up and when he gets riled, they’re all shocked and start in with the “it was all in good fun”. What they really did was just wake the beast. When the nighttime portion of the date begins, everything is going really well. Jordan’s time with Jojo did the trick. He talked about his last relationship and why he is so cautionary. They kiss, and seriously you can feel the chemistry, so you know he’s sticking around a while. Alex claims to be “ride or die”, which seems to be a pretty serious thing to claim after just a week. After Chad tries to disrupt Nick’s time with Jojo, Jojo decides to ask Nick about the situation with Chad. When Chad joins the rest of the fellas, they start to ask him about his “performance”, which seems to be a whole lot of instigating. Evan then gets involved by asking Chad “why are you here?”, and I have to agree with Chad on this one, it seems that the Erectile Weenie is really trying to just get a rise out of Chad (no pun intended). When Chad gets his moment with Jojo, he’s really honest and lets her know that he would’ve preferred to not be on a date with 12 other dudes. While they are in the middle of their convo, Evan interrupts, then gives Jojo an ultimatum and tells her that in order for him to stay, Chad has to go. Now, I will go ahead and tell you that Jojo gives the rose to Evan, but not with the suggestion that she’s not getting rid of Chad. If it helps, she has only kissed Evan the way one would kiss their significant one when you first wake up in the morning. . .you know the one that says, “good morning, I love you, but you better not bring you tongue anywhere near my mouth until you and your toothbrush have been intimate.” So, I’m not sure why Jojo is keeping Evan around, I don’t think he’ll be there in the end, I guess we just have to wait and see what transpires. 

BXTCH Side Commentary: I have to unload an Evan rant. First, he’s just as much, if not more of a wanker as Chad is. In fact, I’m not sure I can even compare him to Chad. At least Chad is honest. I know he has a temper issue and I’m not sure what’s at the bottom of it, but when you continually poke at a bear, the bear is going to bite back. It is my personal opinion that Evan may want the “bear” to poke back (wink, wink. . .nudge, nudge). Evan has yet to stand up for himself. He proved himself a cocksucker by doing Alex’s dirty work for him and attempting to “expose” Chad to Jojo, then later chalking it up to “good fun” and “stand up comedy”. He’s a snake. At least with Chad, you know what you’re getting, roid rage and all. Evan does his work sneaky. And during some one-on-one time, Jojo commented on how great of a father Evan is. . .really? We know this how? By his actions so far, I wouldn’t even call him a good man, much less a great father. It gets even worse when back at the mansion, Evan calls Chris Harrison outside and tries to expose Chad to him. I would call him a pussy, but really? That’s an insult to not only my pussy, but pussies everywhere.

The information contained here is presented important source generic levitra sale for educational, informational purposes only. General weakness and lethargy, a sign of kidney failure, can be caused by the levitra sale http://appalachianmagazine.com/2017/04/11/pokeweed-americas-tasty-salad-and-highly-poisonous-plant/ build up of toxins and unhealthful lifestyles. Our renowned product has additional benefits to improve the sildenafil cialis http://appalachianmagazine.com/2016/01/04/west-virginias-trout-stocking-begins-today-wvdnr-announces-changes-for-2016/ hormonal balance of the body and to balance the production of natural brain chemicals. We all know lowest price tadalafil it’s no fun for either party when the man blows his load early. ONE-ON-ONE Date: James Taylor is up and boy is he excited. “Let’s Kick it Old School” is the clue he is given and when they meet up, their attire dictates that they are certainly going back in time. They arrive at a dance school and learn a little swing dancing. James makes it clear from the word go that dancing is not his strong suit and I’m here to say, it isn’t, but he gets an A+ for effort and enthusiasm. After learning a few moves they then move into the streets and show the folks what they’re made of. It was really cute and very charming. The nighttime date takes them parking (old school, remember?). Jojo does confess (to the camera) that she needs this date to see if there is any kind of romantic connection with James, because while he’s a great guy, she’s not really feeling the heat with him. All that changes when he starts to tell her his ugly duckling story. . .you know, the “I wasn’t cute growing up and I got made fun of”, the shit that women eat up. He then brought the whole thing home when he pulled out the guitar and serenaded her and let’s face it, that’ll make any girl want to lose her panties. In the end, James earns himself a rose and another week and more time at convincing Jojo why she should change her name.

Meanwhile, back at the mansion. . . The guys have called in security to offer protection from Chad. It’s actually pretty hilarious, especially because if Chad were to lay one of the guys out. . .he would be off the show quicker than he could say steroids, and. . .imagine the attention the fallen would get from Jojo, it would keep them on the show for at least 3 more weeks, so maybe Evan should go ahead and make the sacrifice since he is for sure not making it to the end. I’m trying to be a little pro Chad, but when he takes out a fucking whole sweet potato and begins to eat it, skin and all, even I wrinkled my forehead at that. It didn’t help when he pulled out some lettuce and started chomping on it like he was Thumper. 

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly Recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Jojo decides to forego the cocktail party and just do a pool party with the guys. Which is code for “I need these guys to see how hot I look in a bikini, it’s way past time”. And good for you Jojo, because if I had the body that you have, I would be in a bikini 24/7. And this is where the show leaves us.

Quote Tag

“If Chad and Daniel don’t find love with Jojo at the end of this. I feel like they might ride off in the sunset together.” -Evan

“I can confidently say this is the first time I have mounted a guy on a first date.” -Jojo

“Be not so much like Hitler and maybe be more like Mussolini or Bush, right.” -Daniel

Bachelor(ette) Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

While I don’t think that James T. will make it down on one knee standing in front of Jojo, I do think he is a great guy who is going to make some girl extremely happy. I would like to see him possibly as the next Bachelor, I just don’t know if he has it in him to send girls home, I think his heart is too soft for that kind of emotional scarring.

If I haven’t made myself clear yet, I am not an Evan fan. I first thought that maybe he would be fun, not going all the way to the end, but he would make the weeks till the final rose entertaining. I am ashamed that I ever even thought that. I think that Chad actually said it right when he said. . .“No girl on planet Earth ever picks Evan for anything. Ever.”. I get it, looks aren’t everything, but c’mon, this would be a totally different show if looks were not a factor. Surely I’m not the only one in America asking the question. . .“Why in the fuck is Evan still in contention?” 

I’m not sure where Chad’s anger issue stems from, but I do think there is an underlying problem. Having said that, I will say that I believe that the guys in the house do what they can to fan the flame of rage, which is not only immature, but really stupid. I do not condone violence, but why continue to agitate Chad and then turn around and say that you fear for your life, it just seems like a very bad plan. If you’re going to act like a women then go all out and just talk shit about each other behind each other’s back, then ask to borrow lipstick or whatever it is you guys do when no one is looking. On a side note, Chad’s BFF, Daniel, did ask him if he wanted to punch Evan and Chad said “no, I just want him to leave me alone”, so maybe Chad just spews a lot of threats when his back is against the wall and has no intention of starting a Bachelorette Brawl. But hey, maybe we should get that show in the works. Hello ABC, are you listening?

With one full season of reality love under my belt, I’m pretty sure I’m an expert enough to tell any future contestants. . .stop stressing out over the one-on-one date or lack thereof. Here’s what I think, I believe that the person picked for a private date with Jojo or whoever is in that position, is picked because the bachelor/ette isn’t sure about that person and needs the one-on-one time to see if there happens to be a connection. If you are dying to go on a private date but haven’t been chosen, but you know you and the bachelor/ette have a connection, then chill the fuck out, they are not picking you yet for a reason. Now, if you haven’t been picked and you haven’t really spent any time at all with the bachelor/ette, then I give you full permission to stress out and complain to America while showing all of us why it is you’re actually single.

Sign off Tag

**Remember, The Bachelorette airs on ABC Mondays at 8pm EASTERN and 7pm CENTRAL**

 

BXTCHES Be Sharing:
Facebooktwitterpinterest