The Bachelor 2018 | Episode Two Re-Cap | 01.08.18

The Bachelor Re-Cap | www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

BXTCHES Gotta Warn: Okay, so don’t fret if you didn’t catch last weeks episode, there wasn’t much missed, just read the re-cap right here. In my opinion, the first episode is boring as fuck, but usually the highlight is being able watch the train wreck that is #WhiteGirlsGetWasted, but even that didn’t happen last week. It seems that maybe someone over at ABC finally started to heed advice and stop giving these girls IV’s loaded with liquor. Anyway, I’m working outside of my usual box today and am actually re-capping this episode as I watch it for the very first time. I was away on Monday and am just now able to tune in. So let’s go.

Last Week On: First, we need to met our Bachelor, because let’s face facts, when they said “Arie”, we said “who?” so a review was necessary. Next, we meet the 29 ladies who are vying for the title of Last BXTCH Standing. Even though this episode doesn’t send tingles from head to toe, there were a couple of things that I was able to take away from it. . .blonde white girls really do look alike. . .no fucks get given when you’re trying to fall in love. . .age really is just a number for the folks over at ABC. . . and “Do you see me talking? It is rude to interrupt” is not a phrase many of these ladies heard while growing up.

Tonight On: We’re gonna get (2) one-on-one dates and (1) group date.

I’m not sure who comes up with “What the Girls Will Do Today” bit that’s happening at the beginning of this episode, but surely I’m not the only one who finds it awkwardly strange that 20+ girls are hanging out, drinking champagne while waxing poetically about the one guy they all want a piece of. It all just has a big ole’ sleepover feel, but as Chris Harrison points out, that won’t last long. Once the date card gets dropped off, we learn that Becca K. is the envy of all, by being awarded the very first one-on-one date of the season.

One-On-One Date (#1): “Hold on tight” -Arie  |  That’s the clue and while it brought the fan girl screams out loud and proud, not every girl is as happy, namely. . .Chelsea. More About Becca Kurfin. She’s a 27 year old publicist from Minnesota and graduated from Minnesota State University in 2012. She lost her dad when she was just 19 years old (brain cancer) and her mom is in remission (breast cancer).  Now, originally I thought that Marquel’s ex-husband would be making an appearance to try and win her back, but rumor has it, it is actually Becca’s ex, Ross Jirgl, whom she dated on and off for seven years. Also, I don’t think her ABC promotional photo really does her beauty justice, she should’ve demanded a re-take. Now, back to our date. 

First order of business? Get Becca styled up by none other than Rachel Zoe. After giving Arie a private fashion show, it’s decided that Becca will get to keep all of what she tried on. I thought it was sweet and I would understand the excitement if she were trying on jeans and such but this BXTCH was trying on evening gowns. In what life would she have a need for one evening gown, much less five or six. . .but she was happy and I suppose that’s all that matters. Arie then dropped to one knee-and for those keeping count, that’s twice he has dropped to one knee for Becca, keep up the good work girl-to give her a pair of Christian Louboutin’s. Becca may need to watch her back, Chelsea’s may very well stab her with that stiletto if she feels that Becca is moving in on her step baby daddy. Arie surprises her one more time with some jewelry by Neil Lane, so if Chelsea can’t stab her with a stiletto she can choke the shit out of her with that diamond necklace. I suppose one benefit from the gifts would be to utilize them during Rose Ceremonies. By doing so she will be constantly reminding Arie of their date, without ever having to say a word. Once the champagne was cheered out and the kissing finally ceased, Becca makes her way back to the mansion to drop off her gifts and make the girls jealous while she gets ready for the night.

They meet up at the Hudson Loft and everything about Becca screams BLING!, but I’ll admit, she was looking good. Conversation flows very easy between the two, though I think Becca was a bit more at ease than Arie. They discuss Arie’s run on The Bachelorette and what his passions are, we learn that he is able to fix the brakes on Becca’s car, so score one for Mr. Racecar. It may be too early to call, but he seems very smitten with Becca, so I definitely see her sticking around for a while. She does discuss her ex and the passing of her dad. She mentions her family and is stoked that he is close to his, because that’s something that is important to her. It’s not gonna take a whole lot of brain power to realize that she is definitely getting herself a rose tonight. They do kiss a lot, like a lot a lot. Arie does confess to the camera that this date was the perfect first date. You may wanna go ahead and move Becca Kurfin to your final four, that part of the bracket may be set.

Meanwhile at the mansion: We find Krystal, Chelsea, and Seinne sitting around discussing how jealous they are of Becca’s motorcycle ride with Arie. Well, Chelsea is really the one green with envy, but more so because Becca gets to put her hands on Arie. Now, it’s time for Krystal to enlighten us all on her fear of motorcycles and she starts with her dad being in a really bad motorcycle accident, but she has also seen a lot of people who were either “killed, injured, or lost body parts” due to motorcycle accidents. There is so much happening in that one statement, I don’t even know where to go with it. I’m not saying that it isn’t true, but in my 41 years on earth, I don’t even know that many people who have been in car accidents, forget about motorcycle accidents, so for the love of Jax Teller, for her to not only know lots of people who have been injured because of a motorcycle, but for them to fall into those three categories seems a bit out of touch for me. She did say that had she been chosen for the date, she would’ve had a moment with Arie to explain her fears. I would think that surely there is something they fill out asking if there is anything that they absolutely would not do and if her life has been impacted so negatively by motorcycles, I hope that riding a motorcycle would be a hard limit for her, but I’m willing to bet that she would’ve opened those legs far and wide to get a feel of that vibration.

Still at the Mansion: While sitting around waiting for the next date card, the girls do what every group of girls who happen to be dating the same guy would do. . .and that’s discuss how well he kisses with those pillow lips of his of course. I’m not sure what it is that they are referring to when that classify his lips as “pillows”, I think of a pillow as soft and fluffy, not soft and thin, maybe they should try the descriptor silky or how about just soft. Can you imagine the gab fest that will go down if one of these ladies gets to feel his dick? Good Lord, can you imagine the descriptors? “Aww. . .isn’t it cute?” What every guy wants to hear. Anyway, the next date card arrives and Arie throws a curve ball because while most were expecting a group date card, a one-on-one arrives and who is the lucky lady? Krystal.

One-On-One Date (#2):“Home is where the heart is.” -Arie  |  More about Krystal Nielson. She is 29 years old and from Montana (but resides in California). She graduated from Boise State University and currently works for Orange Theory Fitness. And hold onto your shit for this next one. Her phobia’s include spiders and sharks and she is also afraid of. . .wait for it. . .unused potential. I now know I am gonna need some strength to make it through this season and possibly something to dislodge my eyeballs as I roll them into the back of my head. Well, the red carpet gets rolled out and a private jet gets fired up as they head to Arie’s hometown. Good thing she doesn’t know anyone who has lost body parts due to a plane crash or this date would be taking a different turn. But, we are gonna need to stop the bus plane right here for a hot second. This date is not a good idea and someone who is 36 years old should know better. I’m not judging. . .who am I kidding, I kinda am, but by taking Krystal back to his hometown, he’s gonna extract a serious clinger from the depths of her soul, one that when released there will be no coming back from. The plane hasn’t even been boarded and she has already commented on how meaningful it must be to him. Mark my words BXTCHES, she is about to lay some claim to this fucker. He starts with a tour of Scottsdale. . .first job. . .first kiss. . .high school, you know the important spots. Then he actually takes her to his house. We’re not even two full episodes in yet and she’s mentally moving herself in to his home. What the fuck happened to just going to Chili’s and a movie OR dancing OR karaoke, simplicity isn’t all that bad. I just feel as though he is sharing an awfully intimate part of him for a first date and when she is one of 20 women competing for his bed space, he’s putting a whole lot of hope inside of her imagination. And trust a BXTCH, when he brings her home to meet his family, the wedding plans are already internally being made. But in real life, how many women are gonna be just fine with a first date that includes meeting the parents? Crazy bitches, that’s who.

The only thing really freaking Krystal out at this point is the fact that she did not grow up in a close knit family like Arie did and she is worried that because of that, it will turn Arie away. I don’t want to pull out my  mom card but, if that would wind up being the case, then girl, it’s time to step. Ain’t nobody got time for that. And you know what? I would understand this type of insecurity from like a 21 year old, but for someone who is knocking on the door of 30, she should be well seasoned enough to know that if a man, a 36 year old man, cuts you looses because of you’re family or lack thereof, then fuck them. Well any who, the evening does bring about some deep conversation. Krystal goes into how her parents divorced when she was really young and how her relationship with her father is non-existent and her mother, while she raised her, was never there for her emotionally.  STOP RIGHT HERE: Let’s rewind a bit, back to her sharing her motorcycle horrors with Chelsea and Seinne and she mentions that one of the reasons she hates motorcycles is because her dad was in a really bad motorcycle accident. . .but now is talking with Arie about how she doesn’t have a relationship with her dad. . . .I’m starting to pick up on some vibes and they ain’t good. She is really trying to sell a childhood not only lacking in love, but one that lacked in material things as well, she tells a story about saving up Christmas and birthday money just so she could buy herself a comforter. It’s almost as if her mind went blank when it came time to go in for the kill. She could’ve said something like clothes or shoes or food for the family, but the went with comforter. I didn’t really understand where the story was even supposed to go, I thought she was going to say something like. . .so she could feel warmth because she never got any from her mom. . .but the story ended right there and she moved onto her brother and the story of him living on the streets. I know I’m a cynic, but let’s play a game of “Merrie, you really are a bitch” real quick. While telling her life story, you could hear the emotion, but it seemed like (to me) she was trying to force some sort of an ugly cry, her eyes watered a bit, but nothing fell. Later in the group date, Annaliese goes into an ugly cry over a traumatic bumper car experience and yes, it’s as fucking ridiculous as it sounds. So, I’m not saying what Krystal said isn’t true, but she does have some sort of relationship with her mom, there is a YouTube video that she made with her brother and maybe a sister, wishing their mom a happy birthday and how sad they were that they couldn’t be with her. It was full of love, not animosity. Also, call me old fashioned, but there ain’t no way I’m exposing that much of myself on a first date. That motherfucker is gonna have to earn my history. You gotta make them fall to the point of no return regardless of your history. I’m not saying that he should cut her loose by learning this information, but right now there is no deep connection for him. . .just a first date and baggage is baggage and he could always start to think that hers is just a bit too heavy to carry around. No worries, he assures her that her past is not her fault and he believes that she is a very loving person. How he knows that is anyone’s guess. Shocker, she gets the rose and a kiss. The date ends with a serenade from Connor Duermit, and I have no clue who that is, but it was a beautiful song. And as one would predict, every season there’s that one contestant who has struggled with love and opening up their whole life, but one date with the Bachelor/ette, all doors get knocked down, Krystal is our girl this year. She has stayed away from love for so long, but after one date with Arie, she’s ready to break through her past and take a chance. After one date. With cameras. But still just one date. Man, T.V. really does change you.

Once back in the mansion, the girls are begging for Krystal to share the deets of her date. In the confessional, she does believe that she currently has the strongest relationship with Arie and she has no interest in divulging what went down in Scottsdale. 

Group Date: Maquel, Marikh, Tia, Valerie, Annaliese, Lauren G., Kendall, Bekah M., Jenny, Seinne, Jenna, Caroline, Brittany, Bibiana, and Chelsea. “Let’s hit love head on.” -Arie  |  The girls arrive at a racetrack and instead of Arie just whipping it out, he decides to seduce them from behind the wheel of a derby car because nothing says “I have a small dick” more that spinning around and kicking up dust on a racetrack, maybe that’s why he is (supposedly) so good at kissing. The only way it could’ve been more clichĆ© is if he would’ve shown up in a monster truck. They’re gonna compete in a demolition derby, which is one way to eliminate the competition, and they even get to decorate cars of their very own. Though I’m not sure if “decorate” is the word that would be used in a real demolition derby, but hey, this is The Bachelor and somebody actually did decorate their car with polka dots, so there you go, decorate it is. It doesn’t take long for tears to start pouring, thank you Annaliese for providing us with a moment that should go down in Bachelor history. I don’t know how this story came to be, I’m just glad it did. Apparently, a demolition derby is her worse nightmare and it all stems from bumper cars as a kid. As a child her bumper car got stuck and because people continued bumping into her, the nightmare has never left the recesses of her mind. Oh the horror, bumping into her bumper car. Oh, and it’s not just the bumper cars that brings about the terror, carnival lights and sounds will do it as well. #fuckingwhitepeople But guess whose bumper car tragedy does the trick? That BXTCH ain’t dumb, she knows by having a breakdown, Arie was gonna come running and try to calm her down. It’s time for my very own Dear Arie letter. Look, there are so many things going on with this bumper car experience, I’m not sure where to even start, so I’ll tug your dick for a minute, metaphorically of course. If a bumper car carnival ride caused some PTSD for Annaliese, severe enough that she is still struggling with it as an adult, then I promise you, you’re most likely not ever gonna get your dick in her mouth (imagine what kind of horrible memories that could trigger), and there will never be an anniversary or birthday special enough for anal to ever be an option. It will only ever be the mattress, her back, and you between her legs, not your head, just you. Good luck there Chief.

What Arie should realize is if this woman is in full on cry mode over some fucking bumper cars from years ago, the crazy ain’t buried that deep, and he needs to cut it loose. And once you think that she is calm, because Arie has stroked her a bit and she’s put on the protective gear, so all should be good, she then sees the fire extinguishers and looses it again. It makes more sense for her to loose it if she didn’t see the fire extinguishers. Seeing them at least indicates preparation. And for the record, Arie did tell her that she didn’t have to compete, but how ever will she get Arie to hold her if she went that route? For someone who thought that the end of her life was coming down so hard, that she was close to walking towards the light, she sure didn’t show fear when she started to t-bone BXTCHES all over the track, but in the end Seinne took out the most and is declared the winner.

It shouldn’t surprise anyone that Chelsea scoops him up first and her motive (allegedly) is to fill him in on her son. Here’s where my curiosity starts to flame up. I did do a bit of research on Chelsea’s baby daddy (more details on that later) but it does appear that he is an active part of the kid’s life. So much so, that (allegedly) he refused to sign the paperwork that would allow his son to be on T.V. So here’s my question. If Arie picks Chelsea in the end, is he moving to Maine? Because I highly doubt she is going to be allowed to move to Arizona with her son. If the baby daddy isn’t going to sign permission for him to be on the show, he’s surely not going to give permission for him to move across the country. But, Arie doesn’t seem to give any indication that her being a mom would cause problems. He shows this by shoving his tongue down her throat. Seinne carries a pretty remarkable resume. She’s actually lived in Scottsdale, she went to Yale, she’s studied abroad. . .brains + beauty = the whole package. Arie was impressed, enough so that their tongues did make an introduction and it was as awkward as I just made it sound. As he is flying though his one-on-one time with the girls, the anger is brewing in Bibiana. But there were 15 girls on this date, that’s a lot of spit and a lot of stories that need to get shared. By the time the end comes, she has already worked herself up and decides that storming off is her best bet. She is certainly someone who could’ve benefited from a shot or possibly twenty. Arie is clearly taken with Bekah and I certainly have a theory for why that is, but I’m gonna hold onto that until later. The conversation was mostly non-verbal and I’m quite certain that they could both taste what the other had for dinner. That Arie is one slick cat, he made Chelsea really think he was going to give her the rose, but then turned around and gave it to Seinne. Mama was clearly not happy. It was fun times.

Brittany gets her turn first, mainly because she got injured during the derby and Arie needed to make sure that she was okay. But hey, whatever it takes to snag his attention and leave an impression. Because of her badass driving skills, Arie does present her with a “Most Hardcore” award. I personally think there is some underlying connotation there, but regardless, who doesn’t love to receiving awards. Him and Bekah do seem to have chemistry and I’m telling you BXTCHES, if they could’ve gotten away and rubbed one out of each other, we would’ve been hearing their cries of pleasure. I like Bibiana, but that BXTCH is starting to stress me out. I’m no expert, but if it’s this difficult and the games have just begun, then you may wanna just peace on out. He has already made some connections with a handful of the girls, connections that are deeper than what she has established, so I think it’s safe to say that Bibiana may survive tonight, but she will not be around much longer. Krystal does pull a move that very well may get that bitch smacked down, she already has a rose, so her night should be stress free, but she thinks that she needs to continue her one-on-one time with Arie and does so by interrupting Lauren B’s conversation with him. Emily Post would’ve been proud when Arie told Krystal to step the fuck back. . .okay, he was actually a bit nicer, but the point was made. And truth. . .I almost puked a little when Arie steps back inside and Krystal gives him a “hi baby”. And, while outside, she is all “I missed you. Did you miss me?” First, the baby voice makes me want to punch her in her puss, JFC it’s like she’s never met a man before. I’m telling y’all, she has already named their kids. Thank fuck, Bibiana finally gets her turn. Funny enough, for as long as she’s been waiting for just a chance to talk to Arie and get to know him, she’s stumped when he tells her to ask him something. But some weave is about to fly when Krystal decides to interrupt Bibiana for some more time with Arie, but Bibiana moves up on my list when she tells her no. And with my hand to the Good Lord, Krystal is literally standing on the other side of the door when they walk through it. #thatbitchisbrave No worries, Bibiana schools her well.

 

It's Reality BXTCHES | The Bachelorette | Weekly Recap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Seinne, Becca K., and Krystal are sitting pretty, they have already been handed their roses. Now it’s time to find out who else will get to continue the battle for Arie and everything that it implies. The Bachelor | It's Reality BXTCHES | Episode Re-Cap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Becca K., 27-Publicist

Krystal, 29-Fitness Coach

Seinne, 27-Commercial Real Estate Manager

Maquel, 23-Photographer

Jacquline, 26-Reasearch Coordinator

Bekah M., NO AGE GIVEN-Nanny

Jenna, 28-Social Media Manager

Chelsea, 29-Real Estate Executive Assistant

Lauren S., 31-Social Media Manager

Tia, 26-Physical Therapist

 

 

Annaliese, 32-Event Designer

Lauren B., 25-Tech Sales

Are you a heavy smoker? Or do you drink a lot of alcohol? While you may feel smoking and drinking are the signs of manliness that attract women, the truth will definitely shock you. tadalafil generic uk Sometime, he may not be able to reach that level of water service to the entire nation, there cialis overnight shipping is an urgent need of finding the right financing option as soon as possible. If you can find the cause of your erectile dysfunction you buy generic viagra robertrobb.com immediately take the desired action towards it. You can successfully combat the problem of cost levitra low ED or Erectile Dysfunction.

Kendall, 26-Creative Director

Brittany T., 30-Tech Recruiter

Ashley Luke, 25-Real Estate Agent

Marikh, 27-Restaurant Owner

Caroline, 26-Realtor

Bibiana, 30-Executive Assistant

The Bachelor | It's Reality BXTCHES | Episode Re-Cap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

Lauren G., 26-Executive Recruiter

Valerie, 25-Server

Jenny, 25-Graphic Designer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you Jenny for providing me with the quote of the night.

The Bachelor | It's Reality BXTCHES | Episode Re-Cap on www.bxtchesbeblogging.com

“Hopefully I can hold onto his arms.” -Becca K.                                                                                              “Hold onto something girl.” -Lauren G.

“Oh my God, they are gonna get married.” -Bibiana                                                                                       “Yep.” -Tia

“This is like some redneck shit.” -Tia

“I didn’t know bumper car trauma was a thing.” -Jenny

“She went to Yale. I barely graduated high school and worked at Pizza Hut.” -Arie

“If I go home tonight, good luck Krystal. I would sleep with one eye open.” -Bibiana

“Yeah, I’m not sad about you. I’m sad about leaving my new friends.” -Jenny

 

I’ve been doing some research and I have no idea how much truth there is to what I’ve learned (read about it here), but word around town is that Arie is a cheating scum bag. And this is coming from several sources. Arie has already confessed on this season that he has not been in love since Emily, but it wasn’t long after he met Jenna Jones that the two were living together and allegedly professing his love via Instagram. I’m not saying that one needs to be in love before sharing a permanent bed, but there had to be some feelings. Then there’s Sydney Stempfley. They were together for about a year and even met one another’s families. They celebrated their one year anniversary in July (2017) and later that month, he broke it off over the phone (allegedly). She was completely shocked when he was announced as the next Bachelor, especially because she asked him point blank about the rumor and he denied it. Not a crime, but here is where things get interesting. Apparently Arie dated Courtney Robertson (The Bachelor season 16) and according to her book, I Didn’t Come Here To Make Friends: Confessions of a Reality Show Villain, Arie cheated on her the entire time they were together. Buckle up, it’s about to get juicy. Jef Holm is the one who ultimately won Emily’s heart, leaving Arie to come in second place. Now, Jef and Arie turned out to be really good friends, until they weren’t. Jef tweeted the following back in September (2017). . .

He also tweeted telling Chris Harrison that he would donate $5k to the charity of Chris Harrison’s choice if Arie makes it a year with the one he hands the final rose to. But here is where things get judgy. Pay attention to the sorority house comment above, because according to a Reddit user, sorority houses are a frequent hangout for Arie. . .where he likes to sex up the 18 year olds. . .he’s in his 30’s. . .read about these allegations here. Which would mean that Bekah’s age isn’t gonna be a concern to Arie at all. It also seems that even Reality Steve isn’t a huge fan of this pick. . .

 

It’s gonna be very interesting to see where all of this heads and how many more will start coming out of the woodwork and everyone vying for his heart deserves to know his history. Because someone who enjoys a buffet of pussy, will always need a bit of variety for his dick.

I’m not sure what is actually happening during the filming of this show that makes women want to cut a BXTCH (next week seems like some may need something stronger than a drink) or what it is that brings out someone’s inner baby voice (so not sexy) or what makes one believe that their life is over if Arie doesn’t fall in love with them and we’re only two full episodes in. And all of this drama over a man they barely know. So, I think it’s time for the Queen BXTCH (that’s me) to break some stuff down. I understand that the circumstances on this show are special, but some things are what they are regardless if you’re meeting someone in a bar or you’re standing in a mansion about to collapse because you don’t know if you’re getting a rose. Chemistry is a real thing and usually one would know almost right from the get go if it’s there or not. Physical attraction is important, but if things don’t flow organically, then it’s usually not gonna work. For example, Bekah will be around for a hot minute. I don’t think she will get the final rose, but their sexual chemistry is beginning to build and he is a man, so he’s gonna want to see where that particular chemistry will lead. Becca is another that may be around, maybe even to the end. There chemistry is about ease. They’re very comfortable around one another and seem to fall into place like a seasoned couple. I’m torn about whether Krystal will be around for a while or not (Oh good and plenty, I hope not), there’s reasons for why she would and some for why she won’t. She is very well practiced at making him feel like he is a precious commodity and that can sometimes be an attractive trait, there are a lot of things that men like to have stroked and their ego happens to be one of them, and by the looks of it, Krystal knows how to give a stellar ego job. However, it can also be overdone and she is walking that line with a lot of wobble. The baby voice paired with the “I missed you’s” means that it’s not gonna be long before she is professing her love and she’s gonna be stuck to him with the strength of a thousand magnets. So her length of stay is going to depend on whether or not Arie likes that type of girl. My guess? No, because that type of girl needs to know it all, from who’s calling/texting to what did his mom want when she called and that’s a hard life to live for someone who likes a little variety in the bedroom. We’ll discuss some more next week because we still have to talk about Chelsea and Marquel. So stay tuned. 

 

The Bachelor airs on ABC Mondays. . .7pm CENTRAL/8pm EASTERN

 

SaveSaveSaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
BXTCHES Be Sharing:
Facebooktwitterpinterest
Tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.