Spicy Mayonnaise

I don’t have much to say about this mayo except, it accompanies the Buttermilk Fried Chicken Sandwiches. Of course, you can certainly use this mayo anywhere you wanna spice up the boring stuff.

Spicy Mayonnaise
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Prep Time
5 min
Total Time
5 min
Prep Time
5 min
Total Time
5 min
Ingredients
  1. 1 cup mayonnaise
  2. 1 TBSP your favorite hot sauce
  3. 2 pickles spears (diced)
Instructions
  1. Using your favorite blending device, blend the ingredients until well combined. If you find yourself needing to add more pickle juice to loosen up your mayo, go for it.
Adapted from some guys restaurant
Adapted from some guys restaurant
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Potato Soup

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I know, I know, it’s summer and you’re probably wondering what in the world this BXTCH is doing posting a soup recipe, don’t worry, I’m wondering the same exact thing.

Well, here’s the story. . .I wanted to do a baked potato/salad night, but I wanted to get the large baked potatoes, you know the kind, the super big ones you get at like Jason’s Deli. The only place I could find those suckers was Sam’s Club and they come in a 7 pound bag. . .7 pounds of really large potatoes. What’s a BXTCH to do? 

We did the baked potato night (delicious by the way), but we needed to do something with the uncooked potatoes that were left and while I certainly wanted to do this dish back in the colder months, although those didn’t even exist this past winter in Texas, I went ahead and used this opportunity to whip up some really good soup.

As always, please read through the entire recipe, as well as notes, before indulging.

Potato Soup
Serves 5
Who can go wrong with potato soup. Great as a starter or an entree. Finish it with your favorite potato toppings and you got yourself a keeper.
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Prep Time
10 min
Cook Time
30 min
Total Time
40 min
Prep Time
10 min
Cook Time
30 min
Total Time
40 min
Ingredients
  1. 1 large yellow onion-diced
  2. 3 pounds baking potatoes-washed & diced
  3. 2 tbs olive oil
  4. 2 garlic cloves-minced
  5. 6 cups chicken broth
  6. 4 cups cream
  7. 1/4 plus 2 tbs all purpose flour
  8. 2 tsp dried basil
  9. salt and pepper to taste
  10. Topping Ideas
  11. Sour Cream
  12. Shredded Cheese
  13. Bacon
  14. Green Onion
  15. Basically if it's pretty tasty on a baked potato, it's gonna be pretty tasty in your soup.
Instructions
  1. Before we even move to the stove, let's prep
  2. Wash your potatoes really well (because we're leaving on the skin) and dice
  3. Peel and dice your onion and mince your garlic
  4. It's time to cook
  5. 1. In a large saucepan, heat your oil over medium to medium high (depending on your stove) heat. Add onions and garlic. Cook for about 7-10 minutes.
  6. 2. Add flour to onions/garlic, stir. Cook for about 1 minute (really just long enough to cook the flour).
  7. 3. Slowly add chicken broth to the flour mixture, stirring as you go. You may want to use a ladle to add broth, just until you have about half of the broth added. Make sure to stir well as you add the broth, so your mixture doesn't get lumpy. *you will use all of the broth, it just may be easier to use a ladle until you got about half of the broth in your pot (then slowly add the rest)*
  8. 4. Add potatoes, stir well.
  9. 5. Add cream, stir well.
  10. 6. Add seasonings, taste, adjust if needed and you guessed it, stir well.
  11. So, you got all of this done, now bring it all to a boil. Then cover your pot, reduce your heat and cook for approximately 15-20 minutes, just until the potatoes are cooked.
  12. Don't forget to read the notes
Notes
  1. You could certainly use leftover baked potatoes, obviously your cook time will be reduced.
  2. Make sure your potato dices are the same size, I don't really want to sound like a cooking show or expert (because I'm neither), but you'll want your potatoes to cook evenly because who wants some of their potatoes mushy while others are still raw?
  3. If you're looking to reduce the fat, feel free to use half and half instead of cream OR you can even increase the amount of chicken broth and decrease the amount of cream. Just make sure you hit about 10 cups of liquid.
  4. When I say stir well, be sure to stir well. Depending on the quality of your saucepan, the potatoes could possible stick a bit, be sure to stir well (tired of hearing that yet?) and once you've reduced the heat, stir occasionally (at least I didn't say "stir well").
  5. You're going to get about 10 or so cups of soup. I say it "serves 5" because that's the size of my family, depending on how hungry your peeps are, you will have leftovers.
  6. When you warm up the leftovers, I know the microwave offers you convenience, but I find that heating on the stove gives better results, also you may want to have some chicken broth or milk on hand when you heat up the leftover soup, it will thicken as it sits overnight.
  7. Feeling crazy? Get yourself a bread bowl, dig out the bread and pour in the soup.
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Steak Seasoning

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Steak Seasoning

I have not one great story to share here. I only decided to make this recipe because I was going to make another recipe that called for steak seasoning. And while I could’ve just bought it from the store, I found a recipe that was just too simple to pass up.

While I try to be somewhat healthy when it comes to preparing food for the kiddos, it’s no secret that I’m not the healthiest of BXTCHES. However, I do subscribe to the idea of. . .if you can make it at home, you should. It certainly allows you to control the quality of ingredients you are putting into your family.

After finding this recipe, I just did a quick screenshot to save it, so I’m not super positive where it came from. Although, I am quite sure it came from: foodnetwork.com, even though I cannot find it now to save my life.

Like this BXTCH always says, read through ALL of the recipe and notes before going for it.

Steak Seasoning
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Ingredients
  1. 1/4 cup kosher salt
  2. 1/4 cup black pepper
  3. 1/4 cup onion powder
  4. 2 TBS chili powder
  5. 2 TBS garlic powder
Instructions
  1. Combine all ingredients and store in an airtight container.
Notes
  1. I suppose you can use this on any type of meat you heart desires, but, it is a steak seasoning. . .so burgers and steaks are probably the best canvas for this deliciousness.
  2. Add some heat by adding 1/2 tablespoon of crushed red pepper.
  3. While I'm from the "just eyeball it" way of thinking, if you're needing some guidance, use about 1 tablespoon of seasoning to 1 pound of meat.
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Salsa Verde

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Salsa Verde

So, you BXTCHES already have a fantastic recipe for restaurant quality salsa, courtesy of your truly. So why not take it one further and give you another, right? I figured it was about time.

I really think I should’ve been born Hispanic, because Mexican food is so freaking awesome. Well, I’m sure my love is actually for Tex-Mex, but I wouldn’t discriminate against authentic if you brought it to my doorstep, that’s for sure.

This is fantastic if you’re having an enchilada night, having a get together, or you can even pack it in the ole’ lunchbox. It stores easily and is a great alternative to plain chips and dip.

As always, please read through the entire recipe AND notes before getting started.

Salsa Verde
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Prep Time
10 min
Cook Time
10 min
Total Time
20 min
Prep Time
10 min
Cook Time
10 min
Total Time
20 min
Ingredients
  1. 1 1/2 - 2 pounds tomatillos
  2. 2 jalapeños
  3. 1 small white onion
  4. Handful of cilantro
  5. 2 limes, juiced
  6. 1/2 tsp. salt
  7. 1 avocado (optional)
Instructions
  1. Preheat your oven by turning on your broiler.
  2. Line a rimmed baking sheet with foil.
  3. 1) Prepare your veggies: Remove the husk from your tomatillos, rinse well, and slice in half. Rinse your jalapeños and slice them lengthwise and roughly chop your onion.
  4. 2) Place your veggies on your prepared baking sheet and place it under your broiler for about 5 minutes, blackened spots are a good thing. After 5 minutes, turn your veggies over and broil for another 5 minutes.
  5. 3) Add your charred veggies (with their juice) to a food processor or blender. To that, add the cilantro, juice of the limes, and salt.
  6. 4) Blend until you reach your desired consistency (but with no large chucks of any one ingredient). Taste and adjust seasonings if necessary. If you're adding an avocado, just wait until the salsa has cooled, then blend with avocado until creamy.
Notes
  1. If you're trying to control the heat level, either remove the seeds/membranes from the jalapeños or keep them. Even with removing the seeds, there will still be some level of heat, it is still a pepper.
  2. There are so many things you can do with this salsa. Grill some chicken, top it with some salsa verde and jack cheese. OR Place the salsa verde in a saucepan, add some heavy cream and you got yourself a fabulous enchilada sauce.
  3. Stored in an airtight container, this should last about 1 - 1 1/2 weeks in the fridge.
  4. This recipe should yield you about 2 1/2 - 3 cups.
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Tortilla Soup

Tortilla Soup

This is the best time of the year for a recipe like this, and by “time”, I mean winter, even though I’m in Texas and sometimes I’m not too sure if that season even exists here in the Lone Star state. It’s not like you can’t eat it in August, but really what better time to enjoy a steamy bowl of hot soup, while you’re cuddled up on the couch, watching a football game that’s pissing you off so much you are in danger of spilling the hot soup and causing some serious damage. . .but I digress, let’s just get on with this wonderful recipe.

Now, I actually took Rachel Ray’s recipe and altered it to my liking, but I will link you to the original recipe just in case you want to run with that one instead or change it up to meet your family’s needs.

This is another great recipe that packs well for the kiddos lunch, just make sure you  have a well insulated thermos or not only will you will have a very messy lunchbox, but pretty upset offspring as well.

BONUS: Freezes Well!!

As always, make sure to read through the ENTIRE recipe and ALL of the notes before starting.

For the original recipe, BXTCHES, click here

Tortilla Soup
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Prep Time
10 min
Cook Time
30 min
Total Time
40 min
Prep Time
10 min
Cook Time
30 min
Total Time
40 min
Ingredients
  1. 1 1/2 Chicken Breasts (cooked and shredded)
  2. 5 cups of chicken stock/broth
  3. 1 TBS olive oil
  4. 1 TBS butter
  5. 2 small zucchini, diced
  6. 1 medium yellow onion, diced
  7. 1 red bell pepper, diced
  8. 1 yellow bell pepper, diced
  9. 3 cloves garlic, minced
  10. 12 ounce bag of frozen corn
  11. 1 tsp. cumin
  12. 1 tsp. poultry seasoning
  13. salt
  14. pepper
  15. 2 chipotle peppers in adobe sauce, chopped
  16. 28 ounce can diced tomatoes with liquid
  17. 15 ounce can tomato sauce
  18. Toppings (optional)
  19. Tortilla Chips
  20. Sour Cream
  21. Shredded Cheddar
  22. Avocado
  23. Cilantro
Instructions
  1. Shred your chicken and set aside
  2. In a large heated pot, add the olive oil and butter.
ADD
  1. Onion
  2. Peppers
  3. Zucchini
  4. Garlic
  5. Cook your veggies for about 5-7 minutes. Really until they get good and soft.
ADD
  1. Cumin
  2. Poultry Seasoning
  3. Salt
  4. Pepper
  5. Stir to incorporate seasonings, then add:
  6. Chipotle Peppers
  7. Corn
  8. Stir to mix all ingredients together and cook for approx. 5 additional minutes.
  9. ADD:
  10. Diced tomatoes
  11. Tomato sauce
  12. Chicken stock
  13. Shredded chicken
  14. STIR WELL
  15. Bring to a boil
  16. Reduce heat to simmer and cook for about 30 additional minutes.
  17. Taste and adjust your seasonings, if needed.
  18. Serve up and top it off.
  19. ENJOY!
Notes
  1. The chipotle peppers in adobo sauce comes in a small can and most likely can be found on the international food aisle or the same aisle that houses the Latin American and/or Mexican foods.
  2. When I cook my chicken, I just season it with some salt and pepper and throw it in the oven at 400° until chicken is done (165°F). You can always cook it ahead of time, so when you're ready, so is it.
  3. This is a quick recipe, but one that does require some prep and one that requires that you have everything ready to go (cans opened, broth ready, etc.)
  4. It's always a good idea to maybe have a couple of cups of extra stock/broth ready, just in case you need to thin your soup out a bit.
Adapted from Why the Chicken Crossed the Road Santa Fe-Tastic Tortilla Soup
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Pico de Gallo

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Pico de Gallo

Everybody could use a good recipe for pico de gallo. Of course, you could purchase it at the grocery store, but you most likely already have all of the ingredients you need, so why not go at it from scratch.

As always, read through the recipe and notes before starting recipe.

Pico de Gallo
Serves 4
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Prep Time
10 min
Total Time
10 min
Prep Time
10 min
Total Time
10 min
Ingredients
  1. 4 tomatoes, diced
  2. 1/2 red onion (medium), diced
  3. 1/2 jalapeno (seeded), diced
  4. 1 lime, juiced
  5. Handful of chopped cilantro
  6. 1/4 tsp. kosher salt
Instructions
  1. Add all of your diced/chopped ingredients to a medium bowl
  2. Add the lime juice
  3. Add the salt
  4. Mix until all ingredients are incorporated
  5. Cover and store in the fridge for about 1 hour before serving
Notes
  1. When dicing your vegetables, dice them the size you want your pico. The larger the dice, the chunkier the pico.
  2. You may want to think about de-seeding your tomatoes if they are especially juicy. If your tomatoes are super juicy, then your pico may be more like a salsa, which is also delicious, so just a heads up.
  3. Of course you should taste the pico once prepared and adjust any lime/salt at that point.
  4. Use a glass bowl if possible. Do not put or store in a metal bowl. The acids in your recipe may react to the bowl, which will not make for a great recipe.
  5. There are so many things you can top off with this recipe:
    • Fajitas
    • Spaghetti
    • Tacos
    • Baked Potatoes
    • Scrambled Eggs
    • Mixed with sour cream for a wonderful dip
    • Wraps
    • Possibilities are endless. Use that kick ass imagination of yours.
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Alfredo Sauce

Alfredo Sauce

If you have been under the assumption that a homemade Alfredo Sauce is a no go because it’s just too difficult, well, I’m here to put your mind at ease.

This is the recipe that we use whenever we make a recipe that requires Alfredo Sauce. I can’t even tell you how many years we’ve been using this, but I can say that we NEVER buy Alfredo Sauce in a jar. 

Here’s the thing, there is NOTHING healthy about this recipe, except maybe it’s low carb, but really? There is a ton of fat and calories in this recipe, but it’s nice to indulge every once and a while.

PLEASE read through the entire recipe before beginning. I have listed the steps in the recipe as well as pictures. This is not a complicated recipe, but once you get past step 1, it will move quickly.

Alfredo Sauce
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Cook Time
40 min
Total Time
40 min
Cook Time
40 min
Total Time
40 min
Ingredients
  1. 1 1/2 quarts of heavy whipping cream (I know the picture shows one quart, but we used 1 1/2)
  2. 1 canister (7 ounce) of Kraft Shredded Parmesan, Romano, and Asiago Cheese Blend (see pic)
  3. 2 large egg yolks
  4. 1/2 tsp salt
  5. 1/2 tsp garlic powder
  6. 1 tsp black pepper
Listed in steps, please refer to the pictures listed as well
  1. STEP 1: Pour entire quart of heavy cream in a saucepan over high heat (actually one notch below high) and allow to boil
  2. STEP 2: Once cream begins to boil (stir to avoid overflow) reduce heat to medium and allow to reduce and thicken-this should take about 20 minutes. Be sure to stir occasionally.
  3. STEP 3: Look at the picture, this is after 20 minutes.
  4. STEP 4: Add the entire canister of the cheese blend. Be sure to whisk the entire time to incorporate the cheese throughout the cream and to allow cheese to melt.
  5. STEP 5: Whisk, Whisk,Whisk then remove from heat. Add salt/pepper/garlic powder. Mix well.
  6. STEP 6: In a separate bowl, whisk the egg yolk.
  7. STEP 7: Add a small amount of the cream mixture to the egg yolk (only about 1 or 2 ladles). Mix well.
  8. STEP 8: Add the remaining cream mixture to the egg yolk mixture (step 7) and stir thoroughly.
Notes
  1. It will take a while for the cream to start boiling and for it to thicken and reduce. But once this happens, the steps will speed by, so be ready.
  2. Once the cream starts to boil, begin to whisk, vigorously. It will overflow if you don't continue to whisk.
  3. This will yield you about 1 1/2 quarts of sauce. You can easily double this if needed.
  4. The seasoning amounts listed are what we use, feel free to increase or decrease to your liking.
  5. This is good the next day and maybe the day after. Once you hit day 4, it is not going to hold itself together well. To reheat use microwave or stove.
  6. This is a very versatile recipe. Use it for:
    • Fettuccine Alfredo. Add chicken and make a delicious Chicken Alfredo or my favorite way to eat Fettuccine Alfredo is to mix some Basil Pesto into the Alfredo sauce and top with chicken, sliced mushrooms, and red bell pepper.
    • Manicotti
    • Chicken Alfredo Lasagna
    • Alfredo Pizza
    • Be creative.
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Alfredo Sauce

Alfredo Sauce

Alfredo Sauce

Alfredo Step 3

Alfredo Sauce

Alfredo Sauce

Alfredo Sauce

Alfredo Sauce

Alfredo Sauce

Alfredo Sauce

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Homemade Ranch Dressing

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Homemade Ranch Dressing

Before you get all giddy, this is a semi-homemade Ranch dressing. And by that I mean, I buy my seasoning pack from the store.

Now, I can pretend that I’m one with my body or whatever and claim that we make our own Ranch for quality control reasons, but that would make me a f*cking liar. The truth: we make our Ranch dressing homemade simply because, it tastes so much better than bottled. Oh and it’s easy and cheaper than the good brands.

This recipe is going to yield you almost 2 1/2 cups of creamy deliciousness.

Homemade Ranch Dressing
Restaurant Quality Ranch Dressing
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Prep Time
5 min
Total Time
5 min
Prep Time
5 min
Total Time
5 min
Ingredients
  1. 1 cup buttermilk (don't be grossed out, just use it, trust me)
  2. 1/2 cup mayonnaise
  3. 1/2 cup sour cream
  4. ranch dressing seasoning packet (I actually use Kroger brand. It is much cheaper than Hidden Valley and tastes the same)
  5. sprinkle of onion powder
  6. sprinkle of garlic salt
Using whatever mixing contraption you have (i.e. blender/magic bullet/ninja) add the ingredients in the following order
  1. Buttermilk
  2. Mayonnaise
  3. Sour Cream
  4. Ranch Seasoning Pack
  5. Onion powder/garlic salt
  6. Blend until it is VERY WELL combined
  7. Keep refrigerated in a covered container
Notes
  1. I get it, you hate buttermilk. This is one of those instances where you need to use it (unless of course you are allergic). You could use milk, but it will not be as delicious. You don't have to buy a 1/2 gallon, they come in much smaller sizes.
  2. When using the onion powder and garlic salt, it really is a sprinkle. An 1/8th of a teaspoon at the most.
  3. You can buy those old school squeeze bottles at the dollar store and store this in those. As you can tell, this is made with a crap ton of dairy, so depending on the freshness of your ingredients, it will probably not last longer than a week or two.
  4. It is certainly not necessary, but if you can, refrigerate after making for about an hour. It will thicken it up a bit.
  5. You don't want to take the time to make it, make your teenager do it. My teen can't cook, but she can make the hell out of ranch dressing and homemade salsa. There is really a job for everyone.
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Homemade BBQ Sauce

Homemade BBQ Sauce

Here is my recipe for homemade BBQ sauce, it’s been a pretty guarded secret until now, so you should feel privileged. Just kidding, my mom actually taught me how to throw this together and I promise, once you do it, you will not buy jarred stuff again. And I’m a couponer, I won’t even buy jarred sauce when I can get it for like $.13, that should be some sort of a testament of how delicious the homemade stuff is.

I actually had to write this recipe as I went, because usually I just taste as I go and adjust the ingredients as needed, but I wanted to give you guys somewhere to start, so I made the sacrifice.

I know I’m gonna sound like “one of those people” when I say this, but: this happens to be one of those cases where you can control the quality of ingredients that you put into your mouth. AND, the flavor of homemade sauce versus jarred sauce is no contest. Just in case you didn’t sense the tone and wouldn’t know who the winner would be: Homemade sauce every time.

Remember BXTCHES, read all of the recipe and notes before you begin making.

Barbeque Sauce
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Prep Time
5 min
Cook Time
30 min
Total Time
35 min
Prep Time
5 min
Cook Time
30 min
Total Time
35 min
Ingredients
  1. 1/2 cup butter (one stick)
  2. 64 oz. ketchup
  3. juice of (1) lime
  4. 1/3 cup apple cider vinegar
  5. 1 1/2 tbsp. liquid smoke
  6. 2 tsp. garlic salt
  7. 1 tsp. onion powder
  8. 1 tbsp. worcestershire sauce
  9. 3/4 cup brown sugar
  10. pepper to taste
Instructions
  1. Place a medium size saucepan over medium-high heat
  2. Melt butter, completely
  3. Add all of the ketchup, mix thoroughly until the butter is incorporated into the ketchup 
  4. Add lime juice then taste, adjust if needed
  5. Add apple cider vinegar then taste, adjust if needed
  6. Add liquid smoke then taste, adjust if needed
  7. Add garlic salt then taste, adjust if needed
  8. Add onion powder then taste, adjust if needed
  9. Add worcestershire sauce then taste, adjust if needed
  10. Add brown sugar then taste, adjust if needed
  11. Add pepper
  12. Once everything is mixed well and the sauce has begun to boil, turn heat down to low and let simmer for at least 15 minutes. The longer it simmers the more the flavors will develop.
Notes
  1. Use the quantities listed as a guide. I HIGHLY recommend that you taste after each addition (can't you tell, even I got tired of myself typing that) so you can adjust the flavor as you go. For example: if you don't like your sauce to be on the sweet side, then reduce or eliminate the brown sugar OR feel free to use a substitute such as honey or molasses in place of the brown sugar. But again, remember to taste as you go so you don't add too much.
  2. I don't use salt, because I use garlic salt, but you can most definitely use real garlic (I would add after you melt the butter sauté a bit, then add the ketchup) then add salt to your liking.
  3. If you don't have a lime, you can use bottled lime juice. Start with 1 tablespoon and go up from there.
  4. Please do not leave out the liquid smoke, it is going to give your sauce that BBQ flavor. You can find it on the same aisle as worcestershire in your grocery store. I have attached a picture of it just in case.
  5. This happens to be a great "canvas recipe". You can really experiment with it and make it to your own liking.
  6. Freezes beautifully, so make a double batch and use it for future meals.
  7. This recipe takes about 35 minutes start to finish. The key is to have all of your ingredients ready to go so you can just drop them into your saucepan.
  8. Keep a lid handy for your saucepan, this will begin to splatter some, so I recommend that you cover in between adding ingredients.
  9. If you're not making enough to freeze and you're looking for a way to store the sauce. Rinse the ketchup bottle and use it.
  10. So it never occurred to me to see how much this recipe actually yielded, but I did use 64 ounces of ketchup, so putting my outstanding math skills to good use, I would say you will get somewhere around that amount.
  11. Don't think that you can only use this sauce for a traditional bbq meal. We use it for:
    • BBQ Chicken Quesadillas
    • BBQ Chicken Spaghetti (you could also use beef or pork here)
    • Sauce for chicken nuggets
    • Mix with some ranch and you have a great salad dressing
    • Slow Cooker pulled pork
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Teriyaki Sauce

So this is one of those recipes that is difficult to make in my house. Not because the recipe is too difficult to prepare, but because I have a husband that is pickier than most toddlers when it comes to trying something new. But, lucky for me and the kiddos, it’s Thanksgiving week  and that not only means sleeping in, but also being able to actually cook a lunch. And since the hubby works overnight, I don’t have to take his lunch suggestions into consideration.

This recipe can easily be doubled, which I highly recommend. 

Takes about 15 minutes (start to finish)

Yields: about 1 1/2 cups

Teriyaki Sauce
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Prep Time
5 min
Cook Time
10 min
Total Time
15 min
Prep Time
5 min
Cook Time
10 min
Total Time
15 min
Ingredients
  1. 1/2 cup soy sauce
  2. 1/2 cup brown sugar
  3. 1/2 cup water
  4. 1/2 tbsp sesame oil
  5. 2 inches fresh ginger, grated
  6. 2 tbsp corn starch
  7. 1/2 tbsp toasted sesame seeds
Instructions
  1. Place corn starch in small bowl and add enough water to make a slurry, stir and make sure that corn starch is dissolved (this will be used to thicken your sauce)
  2. Combine all ingredients (EXCEPT CORN STARCH and SESAME SEEDS) in a medium pot
  3. Cook over medium heat until brown sugar is dissolved
  4. Once brown sugar is dissolved, turn heat up to medium high and add corn starch mixture
  5. At this point, the sauce will thicken very quickly
  6. Add sesames seeds and you are done!
Notes
  1. Use this wherever you would a teriyaki sauce.
  2. Freeze your ginger. It will last longer and be a cinch to grate
  3. Another one for the "freezes beautifully" section. 
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teriyaki 4

Teriyaki Sauce 1

Teriyaki Sauce Final

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