BXTCHES Gotta Warn: As clever as this BXTCH is, I can tell you NOW that I am going to have a really difficult time putting into words the fabulousness that was this episode. Remember, last week ended on a . . .cliffhanger (AAHH!), so there is no re-cap on who went home, because episode 5 ended before Ben could shove someone out the door. But hang on, this episode is going to sling shot a BXTCH all over the place. Let’s get started!
Well, we have to pick up with the Rose Ceremony that should’ve been last week. Before dolling out any petals, Ben takes Olivia to the side to question her about the issues that some of the other girls have brought to his attention. Olivia needs to move her crazy ass to Hollywood, because she can fake it with the best of porn stars. She admits to the girls having issues with her, but according to her, it’s because she has received 2 roses so far and she doesn’t like to sit around and paint nails and do hair. She likes to sit in her room and read and be intellectual (who knew?). She turns on the tears and Ben falls for it. So, instead of Olivia packing her shit, Jennifer gets the goodbye instead. But instead of the girl thanking Ben, he actually says “thank you” for once.
Now, it’s off to the Bahamas, BXTCHES! And the girls are informed almost immediately that this week, there will be a: one-on-one date; group date; two-on-one date.
ONE-ON-ONE DATE: Caila’s number is called once again and Leah is PISSED! If you remember, Caila was given the very first one-on-one, so it stands to reason that some girls should be pissed, mainly the ones who haven’t had the opportunity to have their very own make out sessions with him yet. But, Ben felt that since their first date had Ice Cube and Kevin Hart tagging along, he wanted some sincere one-on-one time with her. For their date, Ben takes Caila deep sea fishing. It starts with some alcohol consumption (as always) and some awkward making out, with each other and a really big ass fish. The night side of their date turns sober really quick when Ben tries to dig deep into Caila’s serious side and tries to learn who the girl is “behind the smile”. Caila has a very bubbly personality and Ben needs to dig deep to find out how she reacts to life when it doesn’t necessarily go her way. The conversation was all very peculiar to me. In a nutshell, Caila did feel like Ben was putting her on the spot and maybe pressuring her to be a bit vulnerable, but then she blows that whole idea out of the water when she confesses that she loves him (well, she feels like she loves him). That’s about as vulnerable as one can get, but whatever, it put a goofy ass smile on his face, so it must’ve been what he wanted to hear. Get ready, because she then confesses her greatest fear. . .“I can’t totally, completely, fall in love with somebody”
BXTCH side commentary: If I wasn’t already losing my hair in some spots, I would totally pull that shit out. Is there some sort of box on these applications that require the beautiful ones to have emotional hang-ups? Look, we all have them, I am aware of this. But really, all of these bitches have some sort of emotional “defect” that just so happens to coincide with Ben’s? A new twist to this show should be having Dr. Phil on at the end of every episode, he would be in fuck-up heaven.
Back to the date. So, basically, Caila is afraid that falling in love with Ben would lead to her eventually hurting him. Not really the selling point that I would push, but what do I know, it’s a good thing they went deep sea fishing, because he falls for it. . .hook, line, and sinker. It did seem that she did some back pedaling when he really pushed her to explain herself (if she feels like she going to hurt him, then is he the right person for her?), she rambled on about how her mind and heart are thinking different things. Again, she cast her reel, and he took the bait. However, I like Caila, so I’m gonna roll with it. Oh, and she got herself a rose.
The group date this week: Lauren B., Becca, Amanda, Jojo, Lauren H., Leah. So, by process of elimination, that should tell you that the two-on-one date is going to be. . .Olivia vs. Emily, which is how I would’ve written it, so kudos to the production team. Back to the group date. This was the weirdest date. They take a boat ride, almost a booze cruise if you will. They encounter an island with loads of pigs that they are going to feed hotdogs to. The best line was from Leah. . .“We’re gonna feed the pigs, pig?”. It was chicken hotdogs, so no cannibalism. It didn’t turn out as cute as I think Ben wanted. These were some very eager and aggressive pigs. After that excitement died down, it got very bumbly. Ben once again is drawn to Lauren B. and that doesn’t sit well with the rest of the girls, not in a catty, “I wanna claw her eyes out” way, it just caused a lot of the girls to become very stand-offish. He pulls Jojo aside and tries to pick her brain a bit, I’m just not sure it helped, but Jojo was very forthcoming. Leah is also having a really hard time. My issue is I don’t really remember her spending a ton of time (tongue or otherwise) with Ben, so I can’t understand how she has developed feelings so deep for him, that she is getting so emotional over her lack of “BenTime”, but the bitch does have some pretty fantastic eyebrows (just trying to find the positives). Things are just getting started, because the cocktail party uncovered a side of Leah that shocked the bun right out of my hair. She pulled out the ultimate bitch move. . .SABOTAGE. Leah is so threatened by Lauren B., that she decides to pull an Emily (except Leah decides to not be truthful) and tell Ben that Lauren B. isn’t really the sweet girl that Ben sees. Ben questions Lauren B. about it (without revealing his informant) and this sets off Lauren’s water works and doubt. When Lauren is telling this to the other girls, Leah denies it all. I gotta say that even if Leah’s allegations were true, I don’t think Ben would’ve been swayed. I think he is too into Lauren to be persuaded otherwise. Having said that, he does give the rose to Amanda (not Lauren), so there’s that.
Once the girls are back at the resort, things get really intriguing. Leah gets herself made up, short shorts and all and goes on an adventure to Ben’s room. Now, a woman with experience would’ve used that time to bond with Ben, make out a little (okay, a lot), allow Ben to get to really know them. Does Leah do any of these things? Oh no, she decides to throw Lauren B. under the bus, again. I’m not saying “slut it up”, but it’s okay to walk the very thin line between lady and hussie, leave Ben wanting more. But instead, Ben basically told her to get the fuck out and go home. Okay, not in those words, he was much nicer than I apparently am. But, she did get sent home and all I can say is I hope that the Tell All show is going to be a throw down when they realize what Leah’s true colors were.
BXTCH side commentary: This is to the production team of The Bachelor. It was obvious this was premeditated by all involved. Not just some whim that flew up Leah’s ass. Next time, can we at least make it look more spontaneous? It helps with my fantasy, especially if Ben were to just throw Leah up against the wall and devour her like he hasn’t eaten in months. . .sorry, I digress. But surely you get my point.
It’s now time for the main event, the moment we have all been waiting for. Olivia vs. Emily. I’m not sure why they call it a date, it was anything but. It should be called what it is. . .”The thinning of the herd”. All it was, was Ben talking to each of the girls individually and making a decision (I’m sure there was more to it, but that’s all I got from it). Olivia knows from the get go, that Ben is almost ready to drop to a knee, and pledge his undying love to his betrothed and they will become one and he will never even remember the girls that came before her. She is so confident, that she believes it is a brilliant idea to confess her love for him to him. She does say, while getting ready for the possible departure, that her and Ben have been writing their love story this entire time, what could go wrong? Here’s what we learned about Olivia during her one woman monologue: she keeps to herself, because the girls in the house are not really girls she would be friends with normally; she’s an introvert; she is very grounded and in tune with her body (after seeing her dance in Vegas, I strongly disagree with that notion); she knows that she is intimidating. Here’s the thing, I agree that she is intimidating, but other than that, I’m not too sure who the girl is that she is describing, because it sure as shit ain’t her. Ben is very receptive to her confessions, so much so, that she claims to be “so in love with him” after their conversation. Emily uses her time to tell Ben that she is all in and really wants to be on this journey. Her conversation with Ben wasn’t long at all (or it was edited to appear that way), so when Ben picks up the rose and asks for Olivia to join him, my mouth almost opened as wide as Olivia’s. But that hot fucker only asked Olivia to join him so he could let her know that while she may be in love with him, he does not feel the same way. That’s right BXTCHES, the crazy train has left the station, Olivia is gone. Actually she was left standing on a small little beach/island.
They pass on the prescription their pharmacists and take Full Article online levitra whatever they are provided. Love heals up the entire trauma appearing in one’s unica-web.com order levitra online life. If you do not want to be a victim of erectile dysfunction. Visit This Link buy cipla viagra Another type of autism treatment is music treatment, this include singing, dancing buy cialis usually in stock and instruments playing.
I really don’t think that the Bahamas went the way Ben intended. So much so, that he decided to forego the cocktail party and just get to the Rose Ceremony. It is certainly starting to get super emotional for some of these girls, which I’m not too sure how I feel about it. Part of me feels for them, another part doesn’t really buy the feelings that these girls are trying to sell, but even I’m all twisted up inside. Since Ben got down to it, so will I. Lauren H. went home. I wasn’t really shocked about that, because I didn’t think his connection with her was as strong as it is with the other girls.
As you know, I’m trying to be open minded and level headed where this show is concerned. I am quite cynical with the idea of going on to a show to find your ever after, your last, first kiss. Never say never, but while this show may be about love for a select few, it’s about ratings first and foremost for ABC, which is why there are no unattractive contestants, nobody wants to watch ugly people fall in love. Having said that, I will say. . .I maybe think that Ben is invested in his long term. Either that or his acting skills are on par with Olivia’s. But it is a T.V. show, so in the spirit of the competition, I will use this time to predict that the final two will be. . .Lauren B. and Emily, with Amanda coming in a close third. Next week that may change, who knows, I’m sure Ben changed his mind more than once along the way.
The gems that are coming out out of these mouths are becoming just too hard to pass up, so I decided not to.
“Come at me, bro.” -Olivia
“This two-on-one is honestly a lot of pressure, because I’m going on to fight, you know this battle for everyone who hates Olivia, just as much as I do” -Emily
“This is like a bar in Dallas, there’s just pigs everywhere.”-Jojo
First, someone needs to be fired for picking the Bahamas as the best place to go on the road. That Bahamian weather was not fucking around. Really, some of these ladies needed to just bun it up and call it a day. Some hair serum and a brush would’ve went a long way. Also, extensions plus windy tropical weather, does not make for a beautiful time, I’m talking to you Lauren B. It was like a scene from the Friends Barbados episode, where Monica’s hair continued to grow and grow and grow.
Awkward enough, Leah only lives like 10 minutes from Ben (according to her), have fun with that Ben, because you know anytime you check in on Facebook, she will be just around the corner.
Am I the only one who thinks it’s weird that every time the group date leaves, the girls left behind always tell them to “have a good date”? Do they really wish that? How does that help their odds? I guess you can say it’s admirable, but c’mon, us BXTCHES really know what’s going through their minds and it’s not, “I hope you kiss Ben so hard that his eyes roll into the back of his head and his dick is left with zipper imprints”.
Ben’s question tonights was. . .“How do you date this many women you have feelings for and keep everyone happy? Does anybody know?” Well Ben, that’s the million dollar question, isn’t it? I could use this time to be witty and my usual sarcastic self, but I will go the other route and offer my infinite wisdom, go with it, it’s a rare gift. I gotta say, keep doing what you’re actually doing. Even though I have never watched the show before, I find it refreshing that you make the decision to end things when you’re not feeling it, even if it’s a girl that you really thought things would progress with. Obviously, this is a very unorthodox way to find your one and only, and even in the end, I think it’s gonna take more than some exotic dates and one-on-one times shared with multiple girls. But here’s the reality, only you know. You can only make happy the one who you truly belong to and you know who that is and I hope that whoever it is you picked, that as you’re watching back these episodes and see who this girl is when you’re not around, that you still feel that you made the right decision.
I feel like I need to address the one and only, Olivia. Girl, I’m gonna need for you to listen up. You seem pretty smart, you obviously finished school, so you have some sort of an education, so please hear me when I say. . .You gotta get it together. You’re beautiful, but you’re a bit too crazy, you need to tone that shit down. Guys enjoy a bit of jealousy and possessiveness when it comes to their woman, but not when it starts to stick to them. You were crossing into dangerous territory. The newness of a relationship should be spent really getting to know one another, not declaring to all who will listen, that you’re ready to walk down the aisle. I realize you were in special circumstances and that may drive one to do things they otherwise would never do, but you were on a T.V. show hoping to find your husband, that doesn’t bode well for your dating history. So, I can only conclude that you ride the crazy train a little too much during these relationships. You’re only 23, live it up, fuck around and have some fun. Your jaw almost comes unhinged when you open your mouth, trust a BXTCH when she says you’re a God send, take advantage of that perk, NOW!! Also, BXTCH to BXTCH, if you have a breath problem, get that shit under control. Nobody wants to thrust their tongue into the mouth of funk. You have a beautiful smile, your breath should reflect that. Good luck to you, fruitcake. I hope you find the right passenger to enjoy that train ride with.
Remember, The Bachelor airs on ABC Mondays at 8pm EASTERN | 7pm CENTRAL.
BXTCHES Be Sharing:
