BXTCHES Gotta Warn: I’m a day late on this, which sometimes screams “THE STORY Of MY LIFE!”, but I am hoping to get through this in one sitting. Wish me luck. I don’t know much about this episode (haven’t watched yet), except that Caelynn will tell Colton her story of sexual assault, so I’m guessing it’s gonna be somewhat emotional. I also know that they are leaving the mansion and taking this show international. Let’s get it going.
Last Week: The Beauty Queen Showdown kinda happened last week. . .I don’t know if it’s the end or just the beginning, regardless it wasn’t very appetizing. The same story was being told by both girls and all it left me with was wanting to know more, because let’s face facts, there is always more. The episode started with 19 hopefuls and Colton sent home four (Catherine, Caitlin, Nina, and Erin), which means that our Bachelor will be taking 15 girlfriends on the road with him. Should make for some fun times.
I don’t really know if I’m killing this or not, but as of this week, but I did turn in my best week, collecting 195 roses, bringing my overall total to: 520. The categories for week three were: Goes on a Group Date (5 points); Wears Sunglasses or Eyeglasses (5 points); Is Called “Manipulative” by Another Bachelorette (5 points); Kisses Colton (on the lips) (5 points); Exposed Bellybutton at the Pool Party (5 points); Receives a One-on-One Date Card (5 points); Receives a Rose (5 points); Finalist in Bachelor’s Strongest Woman Competition (10 points). My final results:
The categories for week four are: Goes on a Group Date (5 points); Eats Bullfrog, Eel, Pig’s Feet, or a Fish Eye (5 points); Refers to Demi by Name (5 points); Kisses Colton on the Lips (5 points); Receives a One-on-One Date (5 points); Wears Red Dress to the Rose Ceremony (5 points); Receives a Rose (5 points); Gets a Leech Applied to Her Body (10 points). My picks: 
On a side note, I’m patiently waiting for the category, Kisses Colton (not on the lips) and I hope it’s like worth 50 points.
While the girls are sitting around waiting for their leader (Chris) to tell them what’s on for the day, Alabama Hannah is telling the camera how emotionally exhausted she is and how everyone in the house knows her and Caelynn don’t like each other. . .girl, everyone in the world now knows and we will need a bit more information as to why. Once Chris arrives, he delivers a huge blow to Hannah’s ego, when he calls her Caelynn. He was asking how the pool party was for her and she tells him “not fun” because things were said about her that shouldn’t have been and she felt that she had to spend the majority of her time defending herself. I hate to revert back to grade school but, she started it. I’m confused on why she’s so upset with Caelynn when Caelynn was the one really having to defend herself. Some girls really are bitches. To say they are excited when Chris tells them that they’ll be meeting Colton in Singapore is an understatement.
To whomever thinks that it’s brilliant to have all the contestants stand on a balcony and shout, in this case they were saying goodbye to America and once in Singapore, hello to them, please stop. It’s way too corny and there’s no reason for them to tell us goodbye or anyone hello. I promise.
“Let’s fall in love.” The first international one-on-one of the season goes to Tayshia and it’s getting pretty entertaining watching the girls fake their excitement for the one Colton chooses to spend one-on-one time with. I’m guessing ABC is trying to have The Bachelor engage more with the viewing audience because once again, Colton is doing some sort of a video diary where he explains that he’s not very far along in his relationship with Tayshia, which I’m guessing is why she was chosen. He does end the video with “I hope we don’t die” and when they decide to go bungee jumping, his hope now makes much more sense. It’s cute when he realizes that this is a “legit bungee jump” and not just for show, I’m low key hoping one pukes on the other. A tandem jump would’ve been much more dramatic and maybe even added a rung on the relationship ladder for the two of them, but they went individually and neither died. . .or puked, which is surprising considering that Tayshia jumped feet first. The beach and a bit of making out is up next and it’s exactly what it sounds like.
Tayshia is a bit nervous going into the nighttime, because she does have something to tell him. Spoiler alert: she was married before. Colton starts out by laying it on thick. Let me tell you, for someone who has never had sex, he knows just what to say if that was where he wanted to go. Back to Tayshia. . .she married her first boyfriend, she was with him for about six years. She does use the good ole. . .“Being a Christian woman you think like, you get married once and that’s gonna be it.” I have no doubt that she is strong in her faith and I even believe her when she says she thought she would get married just once. However, I take issue with someone using her Christianity as her sounding board to marriage and then choosing to go on a television show to find her husband, while that said man is dating 20 plus women. Now, I haven’t really read the Good Word and I’m quite sure this type of courtship is not mentioned anywhere between the covers, but I am pretty confident when I say that Jesus don’t like this. Also, she was married and divorced within a year and a half, to her first boyfriend. That seems pretty life altering. Why rush into another marriage? Especially without some discovery first. She was with him for six years, she hasn’t really even been with Colton for six days, but is hoping that he deems her worthy enough to meet her at an alter. Colton takes it all well, he’s doing a really good job with the ladies when it comes to saying the right words and this was no exception. In the end, he does offer her the date rose and dreams of engagement rings are alive and well. Last up for the night is a ride on a massive Ferris wheel.
During her confessional, Tayshia admits to not being this excited about a relationship in a very long time and based on that comment alone, I think it’s time for some sort of flag to be thrown. Let’s recap. She was married and divorced all within the last year and a half. She was married to her very first boyfriend, someone that she was with for six years, she is 28, so regardless of how short the marriage was, that’s still a chunk of her adult life she has to mourn. How many potential relationships have there been? And I think she’s probably already falling in love.
“Let’s get a taste of Singapore.” Hannah G., Elyse, Kirpa, Sydney, Heather, Onyeka, Tracy, Nicole, Demi, Courtney, Katie, Cassie, and Hannah B., which leaves Caelynn the one chosen for the second one-on-one for the night and Alabama Hannah one pissed off beauty queen. Clearly she has forgotten that she was the first one-on-one of the season. Demi also has a lot to say, thinking that Caelynn was only chosen because of her feud with Hannah and how unfair that more of Colton’s time and energy is being spent revolved around just two girls and she doesn’t keep her opinion to herself. But back to group date. As soon as Colton was spotted, Demi took off like she was at the Olympics and Colton was the finish line. Now, I’m just an outsider looking in but clearly Demi hasn’t learned to read body language, because this isn’t something Colton is very comfortable with, which he shares in his confessional. He didn’t call Demi out, but did say that group dates are hard because his time is divided and he doesn’t really like to show “physicality” to a girl while the others can see. As uncomfortable as it may make him, he doesn’t put a stop to it, not when he’s giving her a piggy back ride and not when she suggests that just he and her get a picture made.
The date is finally kicking off and the first stop is leech therapy and this BXTCH would have to bow out of that round. After watching Stand By Me as a kid, no thank you. Fortune telling is next and Cassie is the one chosen. They find out that in a past life, they were siblings. Should make for an interesting hometown date. All the while, Hot Mess Express is reading every verbal and non verbal cue from Colton as a sign that he’s just not that into her. Lunch is next and the menu is full of bullfrog, pig’s feet, fish eye, and eel. In an effort to prove her undying love for the man of her dreams, Hannah B., tosses a fish eye into her mouth with the hopes that she moves up a couple of notches.
There are 13 girls on this date, so time is limited. It doesn’t take Hannah G. long to whisk Colton away for some alone time and hopefully a chance to get back on his radar. Once again, those left looking on are shocked that he was grabbed so quickly. I just wanna know what show do they think they’re on, because they clearly don’t know how this game is played. However, Hannah going first gives the others time to talk about the beauty queen issue. She lays out all of her concerns and he lets her know that he has decided that if her and Caelynn don’t get along, that’s between them and as long as it doesn’t affect his relationship with either, then he’s good. And things are back to normal when he finally gives her a kiss without being asked. Once again, Cassie and Colton have a chemistry that I think has yet to be matched. The familiarity with one another, the playfulness, even the way they make out, seems as far away from unforced as one could get. In the meantime, Courtney is about to give herself an anxiety attack. Not that I’m in a position to go out on the prowl, but if I were, her and I could not do that together, because one of us would need to be chill and not so wound up. She made it evident tonight that it wouldn’t be her and I worry about what even the mailman thinks about me, so I’m out. Maybe we could invite Demi. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t voluntarily agree with Demi, but when she says that Courtney needs to get out of her own head and she hasn’t really done anything to get time with Colton, she’s spot on. And speaking of Demi, she may not be my fav, but no one on the crew could help a sister out by blotting her face a little. Either it’s really hot there or the her face powder isn’t doing its job. Anyhow, she tries to force some tears when she tells Colton that her mom was released from federal prison that week, which I get. . .not easy to talk about, BUT if you go all the way back to the first episode, she talked about it with a smile on her face and even boasted about how her mom would be out in time for hometowns. So, it may seem that the girl is trying to put away the ridiculousness and tap into Colton’s softer side. She also believes that based on that conversation and Colton’s reaction, he definitely has feelings for her. Oh and he cares about her too. Courtney is continuing to prove that she is just not cut out for the show and even though Demi tries to give her advice by telling her to just make a move, she chooses to wait for him to come to her, which spoiler alert, it doesn’t happen. Meanwhile, to prove her point, Demi knowing that Courtney hasn’t had her chance with Colton (and in all fairness, refuses to take it) jumps at the opportunity for round two. Her makeup has definitely been touched up, so kudos to whoever made that happen. Now I’m not a big fan of Demi (clearly), but if Courtney has the balls to confront her about taking a second round with Colton before she’s even had her first, why couldn’t she just seek out Colton and get some time? And during the discussion with Demi, she brings up Demi’s age and references her maturity level and though it pains me to say this, the only child in that room was Courtney. One thing I can agree with Demi on is that everyone has the same end goal and that’s Colton, if you make friends along the way, great, but that shouldn’t be priority number one. And in fairness to Demi, she did try and tell Courtney to get her time and Courtney just sat there. I think she needs sympathy from people and is willing to risk time with Colton to get it, because at this point, it’s almost like she didn’t seek him out on purpose. She clearly wants to be chased and she’s on the wrong show for that shit, this is like an 80/20 relationship right now, with the women playing the part of 80. Things aren’t looking better when Colton hands Demi the date rose and once he leaves she talks and talks and talks and talks about it. That girl is making some friends for sure. Meanwhile, Courtney is busy crying off all of her make-up in the bathroom.
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“I’ve been waiting for this special day for so long. Meet me downstairs. . .” Jealousy is on the menu because it’s time for Caelynn’s one-on-one date. We do find out through confessionals that Alabama Hannah did not clap for Caelynn at the Miss USA pageant. . .jealousy really doesn’t look good on her and it’s starting to appear that maybe Caelynn is the truth teller in this feud. Back to the date. First up is some shopping. It’s cute that Colton is leading her to believe that he’s the one footing the bill. Once they hit up the stores and she starts her fashion show, even I wouldn’t be surprised if they were to wind up in one of the dressing rooms rubbing one out of each other. And I will also say this, that BXTCH is gonna definitely show off one of those gowns during a rose ceremony, if only to gut Hannah, though I predict it would gut them all. And you know things are pretty damn special when you get to go back to the hotel, showing off all that he showered you with BEFORE you go back out with him for the night. This is clearly eating the others alive. Especially those who think/know that they are in good with Colton. Cassie is not handling this well, but the good girl in her makes sure to tell the camera how happy she is for Caelynn. She’s gonna make Colton so happy.
Nighttime is upon them, and going in, we know that Caelynn is gonna talk about some serious stuff with Colton. Knowing that she was sexually assaulted in college, it’s safe to assume that’s where she’s headed. She starts things off by telling Colton how happy he makes her and how she feels really good with him. She even says that if it were anyone else in his place, she doesn’t think she would still be there. Her story is horrifying and I don’t wanna give out every detail, but in October 2014 her and some friends went to a party where their drinks were drugged. She wakes up the next morning naked, knowing something terrible happened. She finds out that not only were her friends raped, but so was she. Another guy took advantage to her being passed out on the couch and lifted her dress while taking pictures. Only one guy got expelled. She went almost an entire year before opening up to her mother, but once she did, her mother saved her. She does tell him that the assault shaped her, but only by making her stronger. Colton listens and lets her know that she is safe with him, which she acknowledges. Here’s the thing I think we sidestep a lot. Even when a victim of sexual assault has worked through the emotional pain and find themselves in a good place, they are forced to relive it every time they enter into a relationship with someone, because they have to tell their story. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone to go into an intimate situation not knowing what could cause a trigger. He does tell her that he’s been in a relationship with someone who was sexually abused and how hard it was to watch the pain she would go through. And this was the first conversation where his virginity gets brought up and it’s not in a joking manner and it was brought up by him. After that, of course she gets the rose.
The standout about this party is it’s not in a house, it’s in a hotel, which means he gets to bring the ladies back to his room and first up is Hannah G. She says she’s feeling good about their relationship and she makes a commitment to him that she is gonna work on opening up more. When the making out starts, we’re quickly reminded that they ain’t on no couch, they are in his bed, which means they can move around and straddle one another. Caelynn decides to put the bullshit to bed and have a talk with Hannah B., so she pulls her aside. In the end, apologies were given and accepted. They have both decided to put the past in the past and they even hug it out in the end. Courtney may say that she feels better and she’s more optimistic, but her face says doom and her underlying tone says jealously. Onyeka puts a bug into Demi’s ear that Courtney may very well let Colton in on what went down between the two of them, so she takes the chance first by telling Colton that Courtney is the cancer of the house and she is not deserving of his heart. Right in the middle of the makeout sesh, Courtney enters the room. This is a fucking mess and that’s putting it nicely. It’s almost like they have ran to daddy to tattle and once again I will say, cut em’ both loose. But Colton does tell Courtney, after she tattled on Demi, what Demi said about her and of course her reaction is to tell him that Demi doesn’t belong. Like I said, a fucking mess. She goes on to to tell him that Demi has said that this is a game and she is there to play. Colton is torn and if there is any doubt, I don’t understand why he just doesn’t get someone in there that he really trusts and ask them to lay it out. Things are clear when he just offers Courtney a hug and not a kiss. And if he really wanted to get the scoop, he should’ve just stood outside the hotel room door and listened to it go down between the two of them. In the end, they both showed their age. . .23, Courtney just did it a lot more calmly.
We already know that there’s gonna be tension and of course Courtney and Demi are standing right next to each other. I’m not Demi’s biggest fan, but even I can recognize that she made some good points when giving advice to Courtney. But she just helps Courtney’s claim about her maturity level when she decides to put her rose between her teeth and flaunt it, knowing Courtney is right next to her. . .that is her age showing. We started the episode with 15, we will be ending it with 13. Time is really flying by.
“Me and Colton have had a lot of firsts together already. So, could Colton leave his virginity in Singapore? Maybe.”-Demi
“Where is Singapore?”-Hannah G.
“You guys wanna pet my leech?”-Colton
“That’s not a kiss that a sister would give. Not that I would know.” -Colton
“. . .Courtney puts the ass in class.” -Demi
“Ding dong the bitch is dead.” -Demi
My train is still parked in Cassie’s station, but after his date with Caelynn, I do think they are much closer than they were and they were pretty close prior. I also believe that there may be a part of him that knows there will be no sexual pressure if she were to make it to the Fantasy Suites and I’m thinking that may have their relationship flowing a bit more fluid.
Let’s talk about Demi. I’m not a fan, I do agree that she is entertaining and she does give me some good quotes, I just think that she is trying to channel Corrine and SHE cannot be replicated. I do agree with Courtney when she talked about her maturity level, Demi is definitely not high on that scale. I think some 23 year olds are mature for their age, she isn’t one of them. However, I do believe that she was probably coddled most of her life, considering her mom was in prison, which could not have been easy on her. But she was the one telling anyone who would listen that she wasn’t there for the girls, she was there for Colton. If that’s true, then her sole reason for calling Courtney a cancer, was to get rid of her, once again showing her age.
I wasn’t really sad to see Courtney go, I don’t think she had a connection with Colton that screamed “RELATIONSHIP!”, but I also think her personality isn’t the type that’s gonna flourish on this kind of show. She wasn’t willing to seek Colton out and unless you have a particular mystery about you that keeps The Bachelor curious, that type of approach is never gonna work. Also, she didn’t use what she had at her disposal. . .she’s has her own catering company and even an instagram devoted just to her cooking. . .GIRL, WHY DIDN’T YOU COOK FOR HIM?! Girls tend to bring out all the stops during cocktail parties, she should’ve used her skills. It may not have worked, but if cooking is something she’s passionate about, it would’ve come through.
At this point in the season, if you have yet to have at least a couple of make-out sessions with Colton, you’re probably in jeopardy of leaving. With the exception of Heather. I don’t think Tracy or Courtney had even kissed Colton at this point and neither were doing a lot of work into making sure that their relationships was moving in a direction to get them there and in the end, they went home. . .single.
