BXTCHES Gotta Warn: We have reached the point in the season where The Bachelor is forced to make some difficult decisions. Hometowns are next week and this episode is gonna kick off with seven hopefuls. . .only four can bring Colton home to meet the fam, which means he has to decide which three ladies are disposable. All season ABC has been dangling the drama carrot right in front of our salivating mouths and tonight may be the episode where it all comes to a head. . .at least a BXTCH can hope. This is me warning you that there will be a lot of sidebars during this re-cap.
Last Week: Sydney removed herself from the bridal lineup, but not before putting a bug into Colton’s ear by telling him that there are girls that are there for the wrong reasons. There was an Onyeka vs. Nicole showdown, which ended with them both being sent home. Demi made a very poor attempt at trying to snag Colton’s virginity, which ended in her being sent home, but not before putting the same bug in his ear and at the actual Rose Ceremony, Colton decided that Katie wasn’t gonna be the one taking his last name. . .but she also planted a bug. Clearly an exterminator was needed for this episode.
Tonight On: This shindig is headed back to the United States, Denver to be exact. Three lucky, lucky ladies will be gifted with one-on-one dates, while four will be forced together in an attempt to outdo the others in a group date.
Tonight’s episode kicks off with Colton’s vlog and I’m torn on how I feel about these. I think the general consensus of Bachelor Nation is. . .they’re goofy as fuck, BUT one can appreciate the attempt at trying to see the Bachelor in a different light. His recap is based on worry about what Sydney, Demi, and Katie all said to him about there still being people around who aren’t ready to accept a proposal. Sidebar #1: During this “raw” moment, Colton expresses his concern about how his worst fear is coming to fruition, which I’m assuming is him dropping down to a knee and being rejected. He also expresses how much he trusts Katie, which would beg one to wonder, why send her home then? Trust is a pretty important component when one is fielding interviews for a spouse and at this point, his chemistry with Katie appeared to be stronger than what he had with Heather or Kirpa. . .so if he had that much trust in Katie, then why her? If anything, keep her around to at least be another set of ears for you. Let’s get to tonight.
I guess to get some grounding, Colton meets up with Ben, which I’m certainly not complaining about, Ben is always a treat. Colton does admit to falling in love with multiple girls and how scary that is. Ben offers some sound advice and they shake on it.
Colton and his dog Sniper meet up with the seven remaining. Colton lets them know that there will be roses on every date this week and the one-on-one’s start with Tayshia.
At this point, every girl has had a one-on-one and I would like to use this time to share an interesting tidbit with you. Rachel Lindsey was recently on Nick Viall’s podcast and one of the things that she shared was how she knew Bryan was the one after she had her second one-one-one with him. She went onto say that it was after the second time around with one-on-ones (those were only given to Bryan, Peter, and Dean) that she really got a good glimpse at who the person was. . .so hopefully this will be a chance for Colton to start sorting some of these girls out. Sidebar #2: A quick note to the powers over at The Bachelor. As much as I loved seeing Ben (really, bring him back anytime), instead of bringing back past Bachelors to counsel the current Bachelor, bring back past Bachelorette’s to do so. Who better than a woman who has already been this far into the process to know what the ones currently going through it are thinking? Rachel was a strong lead, who is still with her pick. . .Jojo is still with her’s. . .if you’re looking to get into the head of a woman, maybe use a woman with a good head to do so.
Tayshia has already confessed that she will be letting Colton know what she thinks about people still in the running not being ready to say “Yes!”, but first up is oysters, wine and then ice cream. They do visit a market, where Colton picks out some salmon telling Tayshia how much he loves to cook. When the chance comes up for some decent conversation, Colton brings up the bug that was planted. He does tell her that he knows that she isn’t the one in question, but he would like to know if there is something that she has seen or heard.
Caelynn and Cassie are pondering over why someone would tell Colton on their way out that he needs to watch his back and whether or not it will be the topic of conversation with Tayshia. Both conclude that Tayshia can only speak on the girls that she is close with and from the tone of their voices, it’s safe to say that Caelynn and Cassie are not on Tayshia’s short list of BFF’s. It’s also safe to say that Caelynn and Cassie have no clue on how the female mind works, because why on Earth would Tayshia throw those she is close with under the bus? If she’s going for anyone, it’s gonna be those who are threats to her finding her happily ever after and you know for a fact that the two she will be gunning for are Caelynn and Cassie as soon as Caelynn utters the words “We’re fine.” Talk about famous last ones. . .of a fool.
Back to the date. . .Tayshia claims that she has heard some “disheartening” conversations in the house and although she doesn’t want to tattle, she feels that he has the right to know. The first names out of her mouth are Cassie and Caelynn. . .I’m shook. She feels that those two are the ones that Katie, Sydney, and Demi were referring to (more on that later). She claims that they are already talking about being the next Bachelorette and how they don’t believe that they will be ready to be engaged at the end and they’re more focused on what kind of parties they’ll get to attend and what kind of people they’ll get to know. You can see the devastation on Colton’s face as she is telling him all of this and he confides in her that she is laying out his biggest fear(s). She does offer him an apology, so there’s that he can cling to. He clearly doesn’t know what to do with this information, because of all of the names Tayshia could’ve mentioned, those weren’t on his list. She does go on to tell him that there are people that are there for him and that truly care for him. . .like her.
Sidebar #3 (this is gonna be a long one): Let’s recap. Tayshia was married for a year and a half to her first serious boyfriend. They were together for six years and the divorce was finalized in November 2017. Even though that was a little over a year ago (as of today), the show began filming in late September. So when she went on the show, her divorce wasn’t even a year old and she is already on the hunt for husband #2. . .let that sink in. She is 28 years old and I’m not sure if the entirety of her relationship with hubby #1 was six years (including marriage) or not, so for the sake of argument, we’re gonna assume that their whole relationship, start to finish, was six years. That puts her at 22 when she fell in love with him. Now, in between her divorce and the start of filming, rumor has it that she was in another relationship. According to US Weekly, she met Chase Olswang back in November 2017 and they quickly entered into a 10 month relationship, that (allegedly) didn’t end until the night before Tayshia left for the show. As a bit of evidence, this is on his Instagram:
Looking at the first picture, the first hashtag is #ilovethisgirl. Now, look at the second picture and take a moment to look over the hashtags on that Instagram post. . .most of which involve something about an engagement. And this is from July 2018, just shy of 3 months before filming began on Colton’s season. Who do we think Sydney, Demi, and Katie were talking about now? Don’t worry, we’ll come back to this later. . .let’s get back to the date.
Much to my surprise, they do end up cooking the salmon that was picked out earlier and over dinner the conversation turns to her family and what Colton can expect. She tells him that her dad will be apprehensive and when Colton asks her if her dad will be ready for another man to come into her life, she tells him that he may be hesitant and her dad is somewhat of a hard-ass, but it comes from a place of protectiveness. She just better be praying that her family doesn’t bring up Chase. He does tell her that without a parental blessing, he won’t be able to get down on one knee. In the end, Tayshia reassures him by telling him that her happiness is priority one for her family and in the end he gifts her with the first hometown rose and what was almost his virginity. . .she does come into his bedroom with his jersey on, which was rewarded with a little roll around in the bed.
Tayshia’s one-on-one is in the books and she is now sitting around talking with Kirpa about the tea she spilled all over Colton’s lap. Kirpa assures Tayshia that she did the right thing and will back her up if given the chance. Their one hope is that Colton confronts Caelynn at some point during their date.
“Meet me in the Rockies.” It’s Caelynn’s round two and this time snowboarding is on the agenda. This is clearly in Colton’s wheelhouse and the only virgin on the snow today is Caelynn. Colton does express his concerns to the camera, but also saying that there are two sides to every story and he will give Caelynn the chance to basically convince him as to why he should meet her family. When they get the opportunity to sit and talk, Colton lays it all out. It’s not until Colton brings up being the next Bachelorette that Caelynn really reacts with “Who, me?”. She tells him that the story is completely fabricated and the only person who knows if she is truly ready is her. Colton wonders why someone would go out of their way to say something to him if there was no truth behind it. . .clearly he has no idea how the female psyche sometimes works, someone would make it up for the same reason someone would deny it. . .for him. She tells him that she’s not interested in gaining a boyfriend at the end of this, she’s looking for a ring.
He certainly ain’t cooking for Caelynn on this date. . .the evening starts out kinda awkward with Tayshia’s claims still lingering on both of their minds. He lets her know that he will not walk through any door to meet a family if he doesn’t feel that they are ready. She basically tells him that she wouldn’t be there if she weren’t ready and she has never been able to be herself (fully) in a relationship and she was able to do that night one. IF Tayshia’s claims are true, Caelynn is selling this. . .complete with the vulnerable voice and all. She of course stamps the conversation with “I’m falling in love with you.” He reciprocates with the same sentiment and that does it folks, she is taking Colton home to meet her family. The date wraps up with a private concert starring Brett Young, which taught us that Colton may be able to cook, but dancing isn’t on the list of things that he does well. Maybe that’ll change after he learns how to dance in bed. Sidebar #4: I don’t believe that ANY contestant on this show (or real life) has dated someone exclusively for the better part of a year and every date ended in a handshake rather than 1st or 2nd base action and that disbelief is just as equal when a contestant claims that this is the first time in their dating history that they have been able to open up fully. Both claims are crazy talk and I’m starting to wonder if they sit around binge watching past seasons while making a list of what it will take to get to the end. Colton seems like a decent man, but decent or not, things need to be earned and if a label is gonna be put on anything at this point it’s just ‘casually dating’. I’m not saying that contestants shouldn’t open at all, but put me in a bed and whisper some dirty things in my ear and more than my legs will open up. If all we’re doing is sharing conversation over some rocky road, you’ll learn a bit about my family and maybe what my favorite Mexican restaurant is. . .you’re certainly not gonna get in the depths of what makes me, me. I would much rather fuck you first because at the very least I’ll learn if it’s gonna be worth cracking open my internal diary.
Sidebar #5: I don’t believe he told Tayshia he was falling in love with her, although I could be wrong, BUT if he believes Tayshia, then Caelynn should be packing her bags and if he believes Caelynn, then there is a rose he needs to take back. Tayshia never said that someone told her Caelynn and Cassie were having the alleged conversations, she said she heard them, which means either he believes Tayshia or he believes Caelynn, but he can’t believe both.
Before we get to the last one-on-one, Caelynn needs to fill Cassie in on what went down on her date. Cassie’s name was never brought up, so Caelynn has no idea that Tayshia has thrown her out as well. While Cassie was shocked at this turn of events, I think it’s important to point out what Cassie said in reacting to Caelynn. . .“And now, it just makes me wonder, like are my words gonna get twisted too?” Fair warning, I am #TeamCassie, so my opinion most likely will be biased, but here goes. I’m starting to wonder if a conversation was had about who would be the next Bachelorette and not in a me (Cassie) or you (Caelynn) way, but in a curious manner and Tayshia ran with that conversation. Now, if this were the case, I’m not sure why Caelynn didn’t just tell Colton, but maybe even acknowledging a discussion happened would almost be admitting guilt and maybe she didn’t wanna climb that mountain to just get thrown off.
It’s time for Caelynn to finally confront Tayshia. When Caelynn tells her what Colton claimed, Tayshia didn’t say anything about an overheard discussion with Caelynn and Cassie about which one was gonna be the next Bachelorette or what kind of parties they’ll get to attend or anything about the people they will get to meet. She used the power of deduction and assumed that Katie was referring to Caelynn and Cassie because they were the only two who panicked when Colton brought up Katie’s claims. Tayshia says that she had no plans on talking about Caelynn during their date, which is a lie, she made it clear prior that she was gonna lay it all out, she even made that clear at the end of the last episode. Her stock is definitely losing points the more she tries to defend herself. Now, I went back and watched the scene in question again, wondering if I missed something and the only thing that stood out to me was Tayshia telling Kirpa that they need to take it to the end. I think every girl there had some sort of a reaction to what Katie told Colton, but none seemed more reactionary than the next.
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“Home is where the heart is.” Alabama Hannah was the first one-on-one of the season and it looks like she’ll be the last. Colton has decided to take Hannah home to meet his family. Now this hasn’t faired well when done in the past. Arie took Krystal home, Nick let Raven meet his parents (though she was in the final two) and Ben took one of the twins home to meet his. All of those girls were eventually sent home, so if Hannah is hearing wedding bells because of this date, she’ll probably wanna get that checked once she gets back home. A note to Colton. . .NEVER is it okay to surprise any girl you’re dating with a trip home to meet the parents. They will ALL need a fair warning.
Colton gets the chance to tell his dad what some of the departing ladies have been sharing with him and his dad lets him know that he needs to be careful with that kind of information and to trust his gut before he trusts the allegations of anyone else. The discussion switches to Hannah and Colton has nothing but nice things to say, but he does tell his dad that while Hannah may be in love with him, he’s not quite there. His dad then wants to know if he feels ready with any of the others and that in the end, whoever Colton winds up picking, he can’t second guess himself and that it’s important for him to go with his gut.
Hannah is busy chatting away with Colton’s mom. She tells her that she is in love with Colton, but he has yet to say those words to her. She is ready for an engagement or marriage, though one doesn’t usually come without the other. The only advise Colton’s mom could offer is for Hannah to be herself and be open.
The evening is upon us and when Hannah steps out of the limo, I’m quite convinced that she Pretty In Pink’d her mom’s prom dress from the 80’s, but Colton thinks she looks beautiful and that’s all that matters. The conversation starts with thoughts of Colton’s parents and of course, Hannah had only glowing reviews of his mom. He then asks her what makes her so confident in her feelings that she was able to express love for him just a couple of weeks ago. In a nutshell, Alabama Hannah doesn’t date to just date, she dates for marriage. Because that is where she’s at in her life. . .at 24 years old. She expresses that she is still falling in love with him and rambles on and on about how excited she is to take Colton home to meet her family and how she just knows that will kick off the next step in their relationship. This is met with a thank you from Colton, who then expresses how he just doesn’t think he can get to the same place she is in time for the next step in their relationship. Gotta hand it to her, she takes his rejection with the spirit of a true beauty queen. Another one that I cannot wait to see in Paradise.
“Saying good-bye is never easy.” Hannah G., Kirpa, Cassie, and Heather. If there was ever a time to make a dramatic entrance, I suppose this group date was it. Colton doesn’t disappoint when he arrives to pick up the ladies on a train. Once they reach their destination, he kinda lays it out there and lets them know what he is looking for and sends a semi-warning when he tells them that in order for him to meet parents, they need to be confident in where they are at, so basically, if you ain’t feelin’ it, you have got to go. Heather is up first and to sum things up quickly. . .she ain’t ready to take Colton home and quickly reboards the train to head back to hers. Sidebar #6: I have already expressed my feelings when it comes to Heather, which if you missed out on that fun. . .I don’t believe her when she says that she had dated. . .like anyone. I actually didn’t really believe her when she says she had yet to even kiss a guy, but I figured if that were the case, then surely someone would’ve come forward, plus I wanted to give her the benefit of doubt, which is why I went with not believing her about her dating history. Her removing herself from this equation, not only strengthens that belief, but should make it pretty obvious that she was one of the girls that the bug was referring to. . .c’mon Colton. . .she’s barely 23. . .she claims to have dated (even one long term), but had never been kissed and we think she’s ready for marriage? Nope. What I’m wondering is if she wants to be the next Bachelorette? Though I hate to burst the bubble, having a virgin male lead is much different than having a virgin female lead. I’ll just leave that there. But no worries, no one was sad. I think it may have been a relief for Colton to not have had to do the goodbye himself.
Kirpa and Cassie start to have a discussion about what went down between Tayshia and Caelynn, with Cassie expressing hope that the situation doesn’t follow her. Kirpa chimes in and says that she heard the rumors back in Asia from Katie BUT in her confessional, she says that she believes that Cassie is still trying to find herself in life and that’s why she isn’t ready and if Colton asks, she will give her opinion. No mentions of the next Bachelorette or parties or meeting people. Colton finally gets his chance at Cassie and the opportunity to tell her his concerns. She attempt to reassure him by saying that she wouldn’t be there if it weren’t for Colton. Tears are shed, disbeliefs are had and Colton’s gut is eventually trusted.
Kirpa may claim that she will only bring up the situation at hand if she is asked, but we all have either known some bitches or are some bitches ourselves and know that Kirpa has no intention in waiting for Colton to drop a hint. We trust our gut as well. Kirpa tells Colton how worried she is that he will get to the end and be blindsided and since she has had to end an engagement, she doesn’t want that for him. Which of course leads her to tell him that she has concerns about Cassie and Caelynn. She clings to the story that after Katie left and Colton gave his speech, they were the only two that panicked and got defensive, which is not what she said to Cassie at all. I will say, Kirpa brought a pink notebook with her to talk with Colton, and this BXTCH for sure thought she was about to start producing receipts, I was a bit bummed when it didn’t happen.
When Kirpa sits back down with Hannah and Cassie, her entire story changed. Instead of telling Cassie that her and Caelynn reacted in a very strange manner after Katie left, she tells her that if Katie felt strong enough to say something to Colton, then she wouldn’t have made that up. It went back and forth for a bit, but mainly it was just “you’re wrong”. . .“I’m not wrong”. . .in the end Kirpa and Tayshia are just relying on something that Katie told them, which we still don’t know and most likely won’t find out until the Women Tell All episode. But to answer Kirpa’s burning question of “Why would Katie make it up?”. . .maybe because she is competing for Colton and his dick and either wanted to eliminate the strongest competition OR she knew her time was dwindling and what better way to make a statement than to start up some shit? C’mon, this is How to be a Mean Girl 101. In the end, Colton isn’t yet ready to make a rose decision and the drama will follow us into the night.
It doesn’t take long for Colton to decide that he needs to meet Hannah’s parents. Once she arrives back at the house and gives Caelynn and Tayshia the rundown, Caelynn takes it upon herself to find Colton and set him straight. Let me just add. . .I have no idea what sort of Bachelorette talk (if any) went down with Caelynn and Cassie, but if Caelynn has her eyes on the leading lady prize, she is setting herself up well. We got to see Colton have a chat with Kirpa, we did not see if a conversation went down with Cassie, but in the end, it was Cassie with the rose. We do learn that Cassie is another one he is falling in love with.
“Dude, I better get a fucking rose, cause I will call that stupid bitch out.” -Caelynn
“It’s pretty cool that I got a hometown before hometowns.” -Hannah B.
“You know, he says he wants somebody that challenges him, that is spontaneous, makes him laugh, is funny, has depth, a heart, can be themselves completely, be honest. I don’t know who it’s gonna be, if not me.” -Hannah B.
“What? It’s like, it’s either true or not true. It’s not your opinion. Like in my opinion, you’re an idiot.” -Cassie
It’s pretty evident that the entirety of this episode is centered around whether or not there were ladies left who aren’t ready to walk down the aisle. Let me just go full disclosure before I give my thoughts. Personally, I don’t think ANYONE who goes onto this show is ready for marriage. Not on day one and not two months later, which is why most of the pairings wind up failing. It’s easy to “fall in love” when you’re traveling the world with no real life worries to focus on. But come home and see each others social media or who find out who they voted for in the 2016 election or who their friends are or experience each other day 2 of your period and love was probably a word used very loosely. I would say this to anyone entering an exclusive relationship, but at least in that situation it is person to person, not one man vs. 20+ women, with no exclusivity. But since that’s not what The Bachelor is about, I can only go with what we’re given.
Let’s play Devil’s Advocate for a hot second. We need to recognize that a Bachelorette conversation happened at some point, even if it was taken out of context. So, WHAT IF Caelynn is eyeing that role, which is why she went to Colton to secure Cassie’s spot. I think it’s pretty evident that Cassie is at the top of Colton’s list right now and Caelynn is probably a close second. If Cassie is out, then this could be Caelynn’s to lose, which would then take her out of the running of being selected as the next Bachelorette. She’s already done everything she can do to have America love her. She is the one who extended the olive branch to Alabama Hannah, her past just adds to her package and she went to seek out Colton because she thought it was the “right thing to do”. . .from the outside looking in, she is nearing perfection. So, one would need to ask. . .is she the real deal OR does she have an agenda?
Anyone who watched the episode where Sydney removed herself, knew that she was having issues with Demi, Heather, and in particular Alabama Hannah. Why she didn’t share those names, no one knows. Maybe she felt it wasn’t her place, maybe she didn’t wanna be raked across the coals of social media, but if she didn’t think she was the one who should’ve told him, then it probably wold’ve been best to just keep quiet. Demi and Katie are mysteries to me because I think it’s fair to say that based on what we know about Demi, she’s gonna do great on Paradise but not so much as Mrs. Underwood. . .and I didn’t see enough of Colton and Katie sitting in a tree to form an opinion about her. She seems nice and Colton had to have seen something in her to deem her so trustworthy, but again I will ask, if you trust her so much and believe her when she says people aren’t ready, then why send her home? He kept Caelynn and Cassie, but was clearly having an issue believing them, even though they both told him what he wanted to hear, he still seemed a bit skeptical. . .either Tayshia and Kirpa are telling the truth OR Cassie and Caelynn are. . .Women Tell All should be interesting because if the accusations are correct, then there are tapes somewhere and I for one will need to see them.
If you have ever seen even one episode of Unreal, then you know production was most likely behind all of the “drama” on this episode. Tayshia never heard Caelynn or Cassie talk about being the next Bachelorette, it was someone putting that into Tayshia’s ear. . .whether it was asking if she thinks they would be good picks or asking her if she believed that Katie was referring to them and why she thinks that, while pushing her towards the Bachelorette issue. If you paid attention, she never once brought up a conversation she overheard when she was actually speaking with Caelynn. Kirpa never brought up a conversation, assumptions were made based solely on how they perceived a reaction. I can’t figure out if production did this to turn fans against Caelynn/Cassie or to turn them against Tayshia/Kirpa. As of now, Bachelor Nation seems pretty upset with Tayshia/Kirpa.
Even though I blame some of this on production, Tayshia and Kirpa didn’t have to go with it. In my opinion Tayshia knows that she is at the very least (going into this episode) third on Colton’s list. In order for her to move up, she would need to eliminate Cassie and Caelynn and what better way to do that than to play on his fears. But what pisses me off the most is this. . .Tayshia tried to ruin whatever Caelynn and Cassie had with Colton, but when Hannah G. arrives back at the house after receiving her rose, they’re just chatting away like besties. Fuck that, if anyone made an attempt to sabotage a relationship I was working hard at cementing, then all bets are off and you can be sure that all conversations are as well.
Here’s my last frustration. I don’t understand why Cassie or Caelynn didn’t just tell Colton that either he believes them or he doesn’t and they’ve built up enough of a relationship with them that he should at the very least give them the benefit of doubt. When a contestant goes to the Bachelor/ette with any kind of accusation, it somewhat reeks of desperation and sounds a lot like tattling and any adult should be able to see the ulterior motive.
It also bears mentioning that while Tayshia got some things in her divorce, the biggest thing she was awarded was all of her debts. $80k in student loans, $27k for a car loan, and $8k in credit cards. . .she went from being divorced in November 2017, engaged in July 2018, and hoping to be Colton’s fiancé now. . .maybe it’s love. . .maybe it’s necessity.
I think Elyse deserves a shout out. While I don’t know why she went on the show, knowing what the premise was, at least she stepped out when she realized that there was no way she could share.
