BXTCHES Gotta Warn: Really, I don’t have much of a warning, we were in this same spot just yesterday. . .but I guess I could go ahead and say that tonight’s episode was good, but it was akin to having a really good date, one where you just know that the goods are going to deliver, then when all is uncovered, you find yourself staring at a penis instead of a cock. That’s the best analogy my dirty ass mind could conjure up. I guess my point would be that ABC set us up for tense happenings and didn’t deliver on that promise. Oh well, we did get some surprising results tonight. . .just keep reading, I’ll reveal all.
Yesterday On: So, some shit did go down, but we were all waiting for the epic showdown between Kenny and Lee and trust a BXTCH when she tells you that you didn’t miss much. But hopefully tonight will bring the happy ending we are all craving. Jack got sent home during his one-on-one and we also saw the end to Iggy and Jonathan’s run. Peter got a handful of some ass, both during the group date and later in a hot tub. Bryan is giving Peter a run for the money in the ‘whose dick can get the hardest’ game and truth be told, I can’t even tell at this point.
Tonight On: Rachel is going to bestow two guys with a one-on-one, we get (1) group date, and the two-on-one between Kenny and Lee, gets wrapped up.
Two-On-One: This wasn’t a date by any definition, it was a helicopter ride to the middle of a field, where Rachel takes each of the guys into a private convo. On Monday, when Lee got his opportunity, he revealed to Rachel that not only was Kenny calling Lee names (yes, apparently we have gone all the way back to the 4th grade), but he was also aggressive, violent, and attempted to pull him out of a van (which if it happened, ABC kept it a secret). Upon hearing this astonishing news, Rachel takes Kenny aside AGAIN and inquires. He of course denies and when he meets back up with Lee and asks him about the van incident, Lee denies ever telling Rachel that. We collectively learned as a viewing audience what we really knew all along. . .and that was Lee is a straight up asshole, and I secretly hope that his dick never gets to feel the inside of a wet mouth ever again. Fingers crossed. It is at this point that I would’ve sent both guys home. . .together. I wouldn’t have the time or desire to referee, especially when I have yet to have my toes curled by either of the asshats in question. . .but Rachel has much more class and grace than I do and bases her decision on who it is she trusts more and if you really haven’t figured it out yet, she sends Lee back to Tennessee, though I’m guessing that if given the chance, they would’ve marked him ‘no returns’. Kenny did pull the idiot stick when he decided to have Rachel wait while he went back to bid Lee a warm farewell. It would’ve definitely been this point where Rachel should’ve just said ‘fuck it’ and told the pilot to get her the hell out of there. . .but again, she has a bit more grace than I do, and decided to wait him and his ego out. If you’re wondering whether or not the guys were pumped about Lee leaving, let’s just say I’m shocked they didn’t throw their own party. I should also let you in on the fact that Rachel didn’t give Kenny the rose either, she just decided that she needed a bit more conversational alone time with him, before she was able to bless him with the flower.
The next part of the night takes place in Rachel’s hotel room where Kenny finally gets some alone time with the Bachelorette. Rachel did come out swinging when she questioned his decision to go back and have the final word with Lee, he went with the ‘I’m a verbal person’ excuse, was it a great answer? Probably not, but it did lead to a pretty deep conversation about relationships and Kenny’s personality while in one. BXTCH side commentary: Kenny seems to be having a difficult time being away from his daughter, which is understandable and heartfelt, but I would be a bit more sympathetic if he were competing for a shit ton of money, enough that would change his daughter’s life for the better (not saying her life isn’t the best right now, just using a hypothetical). But c’mon, he is on a show, hoping to find his forever. And what happens if he is lucky enough to be chosen, somebody’s life is going to have to change and not once have I heard a conversation with him asking Rachel if she would be willing to move to Las Vegas, which is where I assume his daughter is, since he is having a very tough time being away from her. Wouldn’t that be something nice to know before either heart gets too invested? AND, surely he can feel (and witness) that his relationship with Rachel is no where near where Peter and Bryan’s relationship is with her. I think he may be putting too many of his eggs in Rachel’s basket.
ABC doesn’t foreshadow very well, or maybe they do, depending on your outlook. But, during Monday’s group date, the editors of the show made it pretty obvious that Josiah is hanging on by the tips of his fingers, he isn’t aware of this, but as the viewing audience, it was very easy to pick up on. Prior to the Rose Ceremony tonight, he and Matt are having a discussion and it mostly consisted of Josiah needed to have his pride stroked with Matt providing the role of stroker. It ended with Josiah informing Matt that he does believe that he will be the last man standing in the end. Which is equivalent to him signing his walking papers.
Once again, no cocktail party. . .our BXTCH ain’t about wasting time. There are eight guys who are vying for the coveted rose bud but only six to give out. Those with roses going in are: Bryan, Will, and Kenny. 
Bryan, 37
Peter, 31
Will, 28
Eric, 29
Alex, 28
Kenny, 35
Dean, 26
Matt, 32
Adam, 27
Josiah, 28
Lee, 30
Anthony, 26
She was pretty upfront prior to the Rose Ceremony, letting the guys basically know that if she’s not feeling it, they have to go. But, even I was shocked when she sent Anthony home. I thought his peaceful nature was very appealing. He kinda just stood in the background and was very observant and I thought they looked good together, obviously she didn’t consult with me, but I would’ve kept him around. I would like to say that I’m sad to see Josiah go, but that would be a lie.
The next adventure has the show going to Denmark. It doesn’t take long for the date card to arrive and for Eric to find out that he is next in line for a one-on-one.
One-on-One Date: “Eric, I’m cOPEN to love. . .” -Rachel | I’m thinking Eric probably creamed his pants when he heard his name read on this date card. And I should probably go full disclosure and tell you BXTCHES that I don’t like Eric, so this portion of the re-cap may be somewhat indignant, but hang tight I will get to the reason why in a bit. Things kick off with Eric meeting Rachel on the docks and some loving is shared. Now, think back to yesterday when I was discussing how good Bryan seemed to be with his tongue, and if he treated the lips on the face with magic, just imagine. . .surely you know where I was going with that. Well, think the exact opposite for Eric. I’m not saying that he is orally challenged, it just looks as if he may have a hard time working the tongue. A boat ride is in order and they use that time to start the process of getting to know one another. We find out that Rachel is looking to have four kiddos, while Eric is wanting to make himself ten. They make their way over to some hot tubs and get some full frontal from one of the locals, Eric declines when the offer is made to him. Once the nighttime arrives, they find themselves partaking in some amusement park fun and while I may not like Eric, Rachel does seem to be having a great time with him. The non-dinner time discussion moves things towards the somber side. When vetting these contestants, ABC must always find at least one who has a ‘I was never loved’ story. . .and this year that honor goes to Eric. He starts by telling Rachel how straight and narrow he walked when he was growing up, no nefariousness. He then moves into how he has never received love and it was his mother that he craved it from the most. He doesn’t go into detail about his relationship with his mom, just that she never really provided love to him or for him. Let’s press pause for one hot minute. Back during episode three, we learned that Eric is very inexperienced when it comes to relationships, but prior to that revelation, when he was having his alone time with Rachel, he confides in her that his whole life he has ran from his feelings and now he is at the point that he just doesn’t know what to do. Rachel then reassured him and all was good. Then when he meets back up around the campfire with Lee and Bryce, the greenness he has when it comes to relationships gets brought up, with no disputes from him. Now, fast forward to tonight’s discussion and the following statement: “As I got older and started to get into relationships with women, every time love would come, I would run.” Hmmm. . .that’s quite startling to learn that in the span of three episodes, his experience with relationships has grown. BXTCH side commentary: Okay, I’m just gonna say it. Eric is not keeping it 100. Just hear me out. . .first there’s the issue of the group date where we learned that he is very inexperienced when it comes to relationships, but then turns around tonight and talks about his previous relationships with Rachel. . .then during that same group date he has a very heart to heart with Rachel about running from his feelings. Now, back during that re-cap, I reminded all about how he is a published author, with two books listed on Amazon and one of those books is titled “100 Days of Wisdom: Wisdom For Life”, where the reader is gifted with daily inspiration and since the book is currently sitting in my Kindle library, get ready to be inspired:
“When you’re full of LOVE nothing can stop you! When negativity screams loud, let your positivity shine. Be at peace with yourself. Find the good in your life. Let no one take your GREATNESS away. HAPPINESS is key, continue to believe.”
“Don’t take for granted the things you love and are passionate about. Find time to make time for those who value your time. Communicate your feelings and be open to learning. No one is perfect, but understanding is key! Stay positive.”
“Stop playing games and be straight forward with your communication. No vague language; honesty is the best policy. If you want something in life, you will find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse. Be clear and speak the truth in a positive way.”
“Don’t be afraid to express your feelings. Let go of hurt and anger and accept people for who they are. Learn to understand yourself more. Don’t bite off more than you can chew and make happiness your true nature. Seize the day!!”
“Live with unconditional love! No fears, no judgement, no expectation. Love is real, love is you, love is me, love is ‘WE!’ Please spread LOVE unconditionally!! Love your people for who they are and not what you think they should be.”
There are of course 95 more quotes I could throw your way, but for the sake of time, I’ll spare you. But I must ask, do these quotes sound like they are from a man who doesn’t know what love feels like because he has never been on the receiving end of it? Or how about someone who runs from his feelings, do these quotes fit that man? In his Author Bio, it does say that Eric came from a broken home and that he had to deal with adversity in the Baltimore streets. In his Acknowledgments, he does thank a lot of friends and family, ending it with “I truly love you all.” So, here’s the conclusion. Either he is lying to Rachel or he is the worst motivational speaker in the world. And since I also took a peek at this other title “Quotes to Shape Your Life”, I’m gonna go with the former, but these books aren’t burning up any bestseller list, so I’m sure the latter ain’t that far off. Whatever the fuck it is he threw Rachel’s way, she bought it, because the rose was pinned and the lips were kissed.
It requires respect, communication, plenty of good doctors that you can contact in the thought about that get viagra no prescription time of an emergency. Avoid excess consumption of alcohol as that tadalafil 5mg online too causes irregular blood pressure. It is not unusual for many men today who are avoiding the dangerous pharmaceutical buy viagra pill options that have many adverse side effects to the users. Stress and order generic cialis depression can also cause ED but to a lesser extent than exaggerated by advertisers. Group Date: “I’ve taken a viking to you guys.” -Rachel. Dean, Kenny, Bryan, Alex, Matt, Peter, Adam get the call, leaving Will the lucky man out and the one to receive the next one-on-one. The guys meet up with Rachel near the water and load it all up on a Viking ship and set sail? There actually were no sails, but they did row the shit out of that boat. The challenge for the day. . .some Viking fighting, what bad could come from that? After first competing in the Viking Games and after they have all been dressed to the nines, I gotta admit, Alex did make the mouth water a bit, it was game time. The first spectacle was the guys attempting to remove a greased stick from Rachel’s hands and unfortunately, it wasn’t nearly as dirty as it sounds, though Peter did manage to get his hands on her once again. In the end, the final two with the most Viking in them, were Kenny and Adam. And even though Kenny came out on top, both of the guys wind up with a cut eye. Is it me or does it seem that a lot of these group dates really come down to a battle of ‘who has the largest dick?’ Wouldn’t it be easier to just whip em’ out or at the very least, let Rachel peek in. Oh well, a BXTCH can dream.
It’s time to warm up with some cocktails and more opportunity for Rachel to get to know the guys. Bryan jumps first and immediately says hello with his tongue. Their conversations seem to still be hanging around the ‘is it too good to be true’ idea. She is continuing to conjure up all that can go wrong and he just floats like some Prince, ready to sweep her off her feet. Is it genuine? I have no idea, it is sexy as fuck though. There is a small part of me that can see where her skepticism with Bryan comes from, but the other part just thinks he is so pretty and just, so fucking pretty and he probably already loves her. They do discuss whether or not his family will accept her, the answer. . .yes they will. I still can’t get a read on whether or not she is starting to come around, I feel like the love for him is growing, but there is something that is holding her back that I don’t see when she is with Peter.
Meanwhile, back at the hotel: Now that Eric has had his one-on-one (filled with lies) he can rest easy and offer some sort of advice to Will. We learn during this conversation that Will has really only given his love to those of the Caucasian variety. I don’t think he sees it as a problem, but for some crazy ass reason, Eric advises him to go ahead and let the beautiful black woman know that the only women of late that he has dated, have been as white as the new fallen snow. Great advice. I can certainly now see how motivational speaker and difference maker has been his calling. (insert sarcastic eye roll right here)
It’s Peter’s turn and I must admit, I do get a little giddy whenever the two of them are together. Once again, their conversation is just so easy, to the point that it’s Rachel asking Peter to kiss her. Our girl has got it bad and I’m thinking that there is a large chunk of America that does as well.
Kenny is beginning to struggle. The longer he is away from his daughter, the more reassurance he is needing from Rachel that there is a great possibility that he will be the one. It’s Matt that actually brings Rachel into the loop, but not in a ‘Lee is an asshole’ way, but more out of concern for a friend. When Rachel does sit down with Kenny, it all comes out. Rachel listens and in the end, knowing how important his daughter is to him, the best course of action is to send Kenny home. I do like Kenny, but I also think that this was the right decision and I do think that a friendship was born out of the relationship that they have built. In the end, Peter was given the group date rose and it seems that he is beginning to match Bryan kiss for kiss, ass grab for ass grab, and if the look on Bryan’s face was any indication, he now realizes who his competition is. I would like to go ahead and point out that once again, no one has stepped up with an offer to walk Rachel out.
One-on-One: “Will you be my sweetie?” -Rachel | It’s time to see if Will has got what it takes and he will get that opportunity in Sweden. One of Rachel’s concerns is whenever Will is around her, he seems to clam up, so she is hoping that he lets loose a little. Throughout the date, we get some confessionals from Rachel and really the entire time, she stresses how much more she wants from Will. I think (and you know I am the expert), that her relationships with Bryan and Peter are so electric and passionate, that it’s hard for her when she is with one of the guys and she not getting the same from them. I don’t think Will did anything wrong, he acted like anyone would expect on a first date, it’s just that his first date with Rachel has come after she has not only had dates with the likes of Peter, Bryan, and even Dean, but each and every time that she is alone with them, erections are happening. . .theirs and hers. Just re-visit the hot tub with Peter. Will isn’t going to be able to compete with that. Things don’t improve when they meet up for dinner (but not dinner) and Will decides to inform Rachel of his history with the white girls and that’s when we learn that Rachel’s dating history has been predominantly with black men. Funnily enough, at this point, there are only two black men left, so I’m not too sure what to think about her revelation. Regardless of what I think or believe, Rachel just isn’t feeling it and she decides to send Will back to the good ole’ U. S. of A. You know you are wielding some serious pussy power, when the motherfucker you just broke up with, thanks you and that was delivered AFTER she held the rose in her hand, while telling him it was time to go. That’s my kind of BXTCH.
Color me fucked, ABC is not gonna continue the Rose Ceremony into the next episode. Only one guy goes tonight and she is so torn on her decision, that she has to walk away before the process even begins. The only ones who are safe are Eric and Peter. She does preface the inevitable heartbreak by telling the guys that tonight’s goodbye, is the hardest one yet.
Bryan, 37
Peter, 31
Eric, 29
Dean, 26
Matt, 32
Adam, 27
Kenny, 35
Alex, 28
Will, 28
I know, I know, it broke my heart to see Alex go, and even though Alex was in my top four, Peter and Bryan are in my top two. But look, I have said from the beginning that if Alex didn’t make all the way to the end, maybe we would see him on BIP and he and Kristina could hook-up. That is what I’m crossing my fingers for now.
“What I see in this room is my future. And to those that I have to say goodbye to, I’m so sorry. But, I honestly just don’t see you as my husband.” -Rachel
“If she doesn’t give me a rose, there is something wrong with her brain.” -Josiah
“Can you kiss me?” -Rachel
I think it’s best to move the elephant out of the room and talk about the race thing head on. While I heard Rachel when she told Will that she has mostly dated black men, I’m not sure if I believe that. It’s either she’s fibbing a bit or Nick’s dick did a number on her and she is looking for some repeats. I mean he did give Raven her very first happy ending, so maybe he’s packing something solid gold. I’m having a hard time with the only black guy that’s left being Eric. I don’t make it a secret with how I feel about him (obviously), I’m having a believing that Eric brings more than Anthony. I know that what we see is not what she sees, but it pisses me off that not only did Eric question her genuineness, but also actually had the nerve to ponder if she really wasn’t in it for the black guys. I have a hard time embracing those who just outright lie and that’s where I think Eric is. I have no doubt that his relationship with his mother is rocky or non-existent, but for him to use her lack of love as a way to get closer to Rachel, is a conniving thing to do. He actually discusses karma in one of his books, this may be a good time for him to go and review that chapter. I do worry about the public pressure she will face with only one black guy left in the game. She ain’t gonna get it from me, but I can’t imagine how hard it was for her to make those decisions. However, if ABC was looking for their first black Bachelor, this BXTCH wouldn’t be too mad about Anthony. . .or Will. Something to ponder.
Do we think Bryan is pure in his feelings for Rachel OR do we think that Bryan is auditioning to become the next Bachelor? I gotta say that there is a lot of magnetism when he and Rachel are alone. He is very alpha and very sexy. . .trust, as someone who reads a fuck ton of books, I can easily picture him as one of the leading men. Having said that, I like him a lot, but I may be feeling Peter just a bit more. It’s funny how different they are, one screams ‘making love’ and the other screams ‘I’m about to fuck you up against this wall and in the process I’ll be sure to ruin you for any other guy, because you will be feeling me for days’. Regardless of how different they are, Rachel has amazing chemistry with both. Is there such a thing as “Brother Husbands” because maybe that’s the way to go, not to mention how great that reality show would be.
I’ve done my research with this franchise and I am well aware of the fact that contestants on The Bachelor are responsible for their own hair and make-up. Which would explain a lot of the white girl weave problems and let’s face facts, the longer we make it into the season, the more of a hot mess they are. I also know that when the woman gets relegated to be the star of the show, she no longer has to fuss over all of that nonsense, there are actually people there to do it for her. And if I’m on the truth train already, I might as well give props where they are due. Rachel seems to be someone who holds a lot of natural beauty, but whoever it is that is touching her up with a pretty stick and making sure her wardrobe is on fleek (did I use that right?), is doing a great job because our girl is fine. I’m saying all of this to get to my next point. I think that ABC should offer the girls of The Bachelor a couple of days prior to the start of filming some classes on how to complete the look. I’m not saying provide hair and make-up each episode, but for starters, you guys have got to let some of these girls make their way to a salon at some point during the season. Those weaves are not going to re-sew themselves and there ain’t nothing wrong with bringing someone in and showing the women how to best use make-up that’s the most camera friendly. Throw em’ a bone or I guess even better. . .a blending sponge.
There is no episode on Monday 7/3, which is why I’m sure ABC got two in this week. Be sure to tune in however, because things are tensing up and we are down to six, which means hometowns are right around the corner.
Also, I am breaking my Big Brother cherry, I just hope pain is not involved. I will be doing some episode re-caps, fingers crossed, so stay tuned for those.
The Bachelorette airs on ABC Mondays. . .7pm CENTRAL/8pm EASTERN
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